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Gingerbread and Sugar Plums Family Event

Corporate & Community Education — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 12:00:27 +0000

The Great Gingerbread House Build!

Join us for an evening of icing, candies and gingerbread delight. All the materials needed to build your own house to display or eat are included with tuition.

Class will be held at our new Cherokee County Campus November 29, 2007, 6:00pm-8:30pm.

This one night class is sure to be remembered for many years to come. You can even bring your child with you, one child per adult. Make it a family night.

November 29, 2007
6:00pm-8:30pm
$38.00

To Register for this class or for more information please visit us on the web at http://sccsc.edu/cce or call 592-4900, toll-free (866) 591-3900.

Tickets Available Monday for Aaron Tippin

Corporate & Community Education — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:40:30 +0000

June 27th 5:30pm Barnet Park Downtown Spartanburg

Tickets will be available for Red White and Boom on Monday, May 5th from http://www.etix.com and http://www.sccfoundation.org as well as at the foundation office on the Central Campus of Spartanburg Community College. Call 864-592-4624.

Marriott VIP Package $75
live band before Aaron Tippin, shuttle to park, upstairs viewing of fireworks. Children under 5 free

Marriott Terrace Patriotic Picnic Package $25 adults, $15 children Children under 5 free

Tippin Fan Zone $25 Children under 5 free

General Admission $10 Children under 5 free

Country music star and South Carolina native Aaron Tippin will be the featured performer at Spartanburg Community College Foundation’s annual fundraising event, Red, White and Boom, on Friday, June 27, at Barnet Park in downtown Spartanburg. The event is sponsored by Food Lion and will feature patriotic music by the Spartanburg Community Band, directed by George Wenger. The evening will culminate in one of the largest fireworks display in the Carolinas in celebration of the Independence Day weekend.

Proceeds benefit the Spartanburg Community College Foundation.

This event is sponsored by Food Lion, Herald-Journal, GoUpstate.com, NewsChannel 7, and WSSL 100.5 .

Infant Massage for Caregivers

Charlotte Babb — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:41:01 +0000

Enjoy the smiles and coos of your baby as you learn infant massage skills that will help you relieve, relax and stimulate your growing child to improved health and happiness. Research has proven that the art of touch communication and daily doses of nurturing touch has many profound neurological and physiological benefits that not only affect brain function, but increase emotional and physical development as well.

Instructor T.C. Patton, LMBT, CEIM, has been a practicing Licensed Massage and Bodywork Therapist for 12 years and is a certified Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapist and instructor for the SCC Therapeutic Massage Program. She is Certified Educator of Infant Massage and a member of the International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM), Infant Massage USA, and the International Massage Association.

Easy online registration:
http://spartanburg.augusoft.net/index.cfm?fuseaction=1013&courseid=1263

4-week series on Mondays, 6-7:30pm, April 28-May 19, Spartanburg Central Campus Health Science Building

Baby Signing - Build Communication with your Baby

Corporate & Community Education — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:00:33 +0000

Learn Baby Signing and teach your baby to communicate with you now.

It’s about...

Parents and other caregivers can learn to communicate with babies long before Baby has learned to talk by learning and teaching baby sign language. Based on American Sign Language (ASL) used by the deaf, Dr. Joseph Garcia designed the Sign with your Baby ® technique to help hearing infants learn to communicate their needs as early as eight months.

Communication!

Verbal skills require very complex muscle movements that take longer to develop than the large muscle skills used in signing. Parents know that babies understand language much earlier than they can speak, and now parents can learn to understand what the baby needs or wants.

Empowerment!

Signing teaches better thinking skills and communication skills, and even lays a foundation for early literacy in childhood. Babies learn cause and effect when they sign what they want and their parents respond. Signing helps reduce the child's frustration, known as the terrible twos, when they are beginning to see themselves separate from their parents, and they have more ideas and desires than they can express.

Love!

Teaching sign is part of daily activities, so simple ideas like hungry, more, hurt, milk, can help the parent feel more confident that the child's needs are met. Signing also reinforces the intelligence of the child, which is developed by communication with parents and caregivers. Family signs can be shared into adulthood as well, giving the family another means of communication even after the child is talking.

Sign is rewarding and fun for babies and parents alike.

Instructor Amber Grudzien (sounds like blue jean) has an associate degree in Interpreting, and is an interpreter for Spartanburg Community College. Her website is http://signitdontwhineit.com

Teens do Amazing Photoshop Effects This Summer

Corporate & Community Education — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:53:26 +0000

You see them in magazines, pass them around in emails, and run across them everywhere on the Web - incredibly cool, crazy and sometimes strange images that you know have been doctored using Photoshop.

Have you ever looked at them and wondered, “How did they do that?”

This class is filled with the tips and techniques that you need to know to use this powerful program to create your own amazing images or retouch your digital photographs.

This class integrates Photoshop with familiar devices such as iPods, digital cameras, MySpace, cell phones, and more.

Photoshop Effects for Teens $199 Register Here

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM
3 sessions starting June 16, ending June 20, 2008
Tuition includes text
Instructor: Kristian Echols
Location: Spartanburg - LED Ledbetter Building

Family Value Is Abused

Felix — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:32:03 +0000

Family Value this word has been seriously abused by some politicians and religious organizations. Let's face it, all they wanna do is against gay couple get married. They always say that a child needs a father and a mother, thus gays should not get married.

First, it is illogical; if you don't want a kid have two daddies or two mommies, it would be reasonable to protest gay adoption, coz you know two sperms and two eggs will not make a kid. I'm just happy to have some cats. Second, they never against single parent families, and how hypocritical is that? So I'm thinking, maybe we could have laws to let every kid have one father and one mother.
1. If you wanna have a kid, you have to be married with an opposite sex.
2. Before you have a kid, you have to sign a contract that you are not going to divorce until your kid turning 18, so we can be sure that the kid will have a mother and a father.
3. If you are unmarried and pregnant, abort it.
4. If you are divorced and while having children, your kids go to foster care right away unless you marry another one the next day.
5. If your husband/wife died before your kids turning 18, your kids go to foster care right away unless you marry another one the next day.
Should I go on?
6. Boarding schools are banned because all kids deserve to have a mother and a father with them.
7. No parents are allowed to work after school time because all kids deserve to have a mother and a father with them.
8. If one of the parents goes to jail, the kids go to foster care right away.
9. If kids have to stay in hospital, parents should sleep next to them because all kids deserve to have a mother and a father.
After your kids turn 18, you can kick them out of the house and get a happy divorce. And when you get old your kids kick you into nursing home sweet home and waiting to die. How sweet it is. That's called "Family Value".

So today the cutie is Korean actor Won Bin. Very Cute.

Law School for Non-Lawyers March 13-April 17 $35

Corporate & Community Education — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 18:41:17 +0000

Learn from lawyers about the legal issue that affect you. Registration begins January 17 and end March 13. Register online or call 1-864-592-4408 or 1-877-592-4408 . The cost of the course is $35. All classes run from 6-9pm on Thursday evenings at the Spartanburg Community College Central Campus. For more information about these classes, call the SC Bar Pro Bono Program at 1-800-3953425 Ex. 158.

March 13 Overview of state courts, alternative dispute resolution
March 20 Family law, juvenile justice, and child protection
March 27 Wills, estates and probate, health care and elder law
April 3 Bankruptcy law, consumer law and debt collection
April 10 Real estate and landlord/tenant law, employment law, SC workers' compensation law
April 17 Criminal prosecution and defense

A public service of the South Carolina Bar Pro Bono Program: Advancing Justice, Professionalism, and Understanding of the Law.

the boy in the striped pyjamas

nisa felicia faridz — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 06:01:08 +0000

Tadi malam mata saya lagi-lagi dibikin berkaca-kaca oleh sebuah buku (dan pastinya perasaan saya dibikin semakin ciut; “duh, orang nulis novel pada bagus-bagus amat sih… kapan dong saya bisa nulis seperti itu).
Pertama-tama tentunya saya mengucapkan terima kasih banyak buat Ms.Kiki, my best curry-puff friend. Buku “The Boy in The Striped Pyjamas” (Anak Lelaki Berpiyama Garis-garis, ditulis oleh John Boyne) adalah hadiah darinya (lengkap dengan catatan kecil untuk saya di halaman pertama: “Life Rocks, Nisa! You rocks! Love, Kiki Suriki.”). Dan memang kelihatannya sebagai the Gemini-ers kami punya persamaan, hobi baca cerita-cerita yang ironis (but I’m not so drama queen as you, mezz hehehe).
Bukan buku yang tebal dan bahasanya pun sederhana sekali. Sehingga tidak perlu berhari-hari untuk menamatkan buku dengan cover yang cukup baik tersebut (terima kasih Gramedia yang menerbitkan edisi Indonesia dengan mementingkan estetika cover buku :)). Isi ceritanya juga bukan sesuatu yang kompleks, walaupun setting dan periode kejadian tersebut berada pada kondisi sosial politik yang kompleks (it’s complicated, kalau kata friendster..lengkap dengan TM).
Tentang seorang anak laki-laki normal, Bruno, berumur sembilan tahun yang secara natural bete sama kelakuan kakak perempuannya yang mulai puber, dan cinta dan bangga sekali dengan ayahnya. Kebanggaan pada ayahnya yang seorang komandan penting, yang gagah dengan seragam berlogo swastika (dan tentunya anak ini tidak pernah tahu apa makna logo tersebut). Seorang ayah yang bekerja sepenuh jiwa raga demi puncak karier militernya.
Jiwa petualang Bruno membawanya kepada persahabatan dengan seorang anak lelaki sebayanya, Shmuel, yang lahir pada hari bulan dan tahun yang sama dengannya, mempunyai ukuran tubuh yang sama namun lebih kurus dari Bruno, dan bedanya lagi, anak ini selalu mengenakan ‘piyama’ garis-garis (yang sebenarnya adalah seragam untuk kaum yahudi yang berada di kamp Aucshwitz).
Bab demi bab menceritakan kehidupan keluarga sang komandan dan juga persahabatan dari sudut pandang anak sembilan tahun yang naïf dan … kadang menyebalkan. Misalnya ketika Bruno terus-terusan mengeluh tidak adil karena Shmuel punya banyak kawan yang tinggal bersamanya sementara dirinya harus tinggal bersama kakak perempuannya yang sinis dan menyebalkan. Seandainya Bruno mengerti… saya sendiri tidak yakin, apakah seharusnya anak sembilan tahun seperti mereka mengerti apa yang terjadi di sana saat itu?
Tidak seperti persahabatan Bruno sebelumnya dengan kawan-kawannya di Berlin, selama setahun yang mereka dapat lakukan hanyalah duduk bercakap-cakap di bawah pohon dengan sebaris pagar kawat tinggi memisahkan mereka. Sampai suatu ketika naluri petualangnya membawa Bruno lebih jauh, menerobos pagar yang memisahkan dirinya (yang adalah ras unggulan, menurut Der Fuhrer) dengan kelompok tawanan yahudi. Usaha itu disempurnakan oleh piyama garis-garis yang dibawakan Shmuel untuk dikenakan Bruno demi penyamarannya di ‘balik pagar’. Dan ZAP! Jadilah ia bagian dari kaum ‘terhina’ itu.
“... sulit sekali membedakan mereka berdua. Rasanya seakan … mereka semua sebenarnya sama …” begitu kata Shmuel (Hmm, kenapa semakin dewasa kita justru makin jauh dari kebijaksanaan anak-anak ya?).
Pheew… Saya menghela nafas dalam-dalam ketika Bruno yang berada di barisan ‘piyama garis-garis’, diantara tembakan-tembakan dan teriakan tentara-tentara nazi, berharap agar ayahnya segera datang dan menghalau anak buah-anak buah ayahnya tersebut yang tidak berhenti-berhenti menyakiti mereka. Kabar terakhir yang diceritakan tentang Bruno adalah ia, Shmuel dan ratusan orang berpiyama garis-garis lainnya masuk ke dalam ‘ruangan panjang’ yang gelap dan tak berudara, dan bukan untuk berteduh dari hujan.

Akhir cerita ditutup dengan tangisan sang ayah di tepi pagar ketika ia melihat baju Bruno dan menyadari ada celah di bawah pagar yang bisa diterobos anak sebesar Bruno. Sejak itu ia merasa tidak ada yang penting lagi dengan kariernya…

Saya teringat satu lagunya Cranberries yang berjudul “War Child”. Dalam lagu itu Dolores bilang: selalu anak-anak yang menjadi korban perang, tidak peduli siapa yang menang dan siapa yang kalah, anak-anaklah yang selalu menjadi korban kepentingan politik dan teritori.

Mitologi Yunani, Thanks Pah...

nisa felicia faridz — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 05:46:40 +0000

Ciputat, 1990

“Pah, Apollo tuh nama dewa Yunani apa Romawi sih?” saya bertanya kepada laki-laki berumur 45an yang duduk di meja kerjanya. Selalu dengan posisi yang sama, saya berada di sisi sebrangnya, dengan kedua kaki terlipat di atas kursi.

“Emang apa bedanya mitologi Yunani sama Romawi?” balasnya.

“Beda kan?...” saya jadi tidak yakin dengan pertanyaan pertama saya tadi dan kembali ke pertanyaan paling mendasar lagi, bahwa sebenarnya beda atau tidak antara keduanya.

“Beda. Tapi mendingan kamu baca bukunya, Sa. Papah juga ngga yakin.”

Aku masih terus berharap ia memuaskan penasaranku, “kalo Asterix tuh mitologi bukan pah?”

“Bukan.”

“Oh, bukan masuk mitologi Romawi?*” bakat sotoy saya memang terasah dari kecil, rupanya :)

“Bukan lah, mitologi ini yang udah ribuan taun, cerita-cerita tentang terjadinya dunia, dewa-dewa. Mending kamu cari bukunya aja Sa. Papah juga gatau banyak. Nanti kalo kamu udah baca, kamu ceritain aja ke papah…”

***

Mitologi Yunani. Saya senang sekali membaca tentang dewa-dewa dan dewi-dewi yunani. Apalagi waktu itu saya membeli buku mitologi yunani dengan ilustrasi yang menarik tapi tidak terlalu banyak, sehingga saya masih bisa mengimajinasikan pertempuran para titan yang menghabiskan waktu ribuan tahun, dunia bawah tanahnya Hades, indahnya pulau Delos dengan angsa-angsa yang menari ketika Apollo lahir, dan sebagainya.

Tetapi semakin saya ‘jauh’ dengan ayah saya, semakin saya memandang mitologi Yunani ini sebagai suatu kenangan yang indah bersamanya, “one of my favorite things”.

Bukan karena saya berada di pangkuannya dan mendengarkan kisah Zeus dan si pecemburu Hera dari mulut ayah saya, bukan dan itu memang tidak pernah terjadi. Saya tidak mengenangnya seperti kebanyakan anak-anak yang mengenang orangtuanya melalui dongeng yang mereka dengar dari mulut sang ayah atau ibu mereka. Tetapi percakapan di pagi hari di meja kerjanya itulah yang selalu saya kenang.

Di hadapan anaknya yang berusia hampir 11 tahun pun ayah saya tidak pernah memainkan peranan sebagai “orangtua yang serba tahu”. Sehingga dari dulu tidak pernah saya mengaguminya karena ayah saya adalah sosok yang tahu semuanya, apa-apa yang saya tanya pasti punya jawabannya. Bukan, saya mengaguminya justru karena ia tidak seperti itu. Tetapi karena ia tunjukkan pada saya bahwa dirinya adalah manusia biasa, dan menjadi orangtua tidak mengubahnya menjadi ‘ensiklopedia’.

Sebagai guru kepada anak-anaknya, ia tidak memberikan jawaban, tetapi jalan untuk mencari jawaban. Pakar pedagogi menyebutnya sebagai “active learning” di mana guru adalah fasilitator, atau “independent study” kalau istilah mata kuliah di UKM. Dan efek dari perbuatan ayah saya yang memberiki kail bukan ikannya itu sangat jauh, dan lebih jauh daripada mendapatkan jawaban tentang Apollo dan berbedaan mitologi yunani dengan romawi. Tetapi saya mendapatkan suatu budaya ‘proses’ dalam belajar. Mencari tahu, membaca, menimbang, merangkum dan kemudian mempresentasikannya di hadapan ayah saya, sebagaimana yang ia minta mula-mula: “Nanti kalo kamu udah baca, kamu ceritain aja ke papah…”

Dan ayah saya tidak malu untuk belajar dari saya, anaknya yang saat itu berusia 11 tahun dan diikuti oleh tahun-tahun berikutnya dan topik-topik lainnya.

Sehingga kadang buat saya, ia tidak seperti ayah yang secara ‘struktur organisasi’ berada di atas saya, melainkan seperti teman diskusi di dalam ruang kelas, yang seumuran dan sama-sama haus akan pengetahuan.

***

Dan di hari yang lain, saya menghampirinya yang tengah berada di dapur, membuat jus campuran: tomat, pepaya, dan jeruk nipis..minuman wajib untuk anak-anaknya (terutama saya) yang susah makan sayur.

“Pah, sebenernya mitologi yunani mirip sama romawi, cuma nama-nama dewanya aja beda. Misalnya kalo yunani dewa Poseidon, kalo di romawi Neptunus. Kalo yunani Aphrodite, kalo romawi Venus…”

“Trus, kalo Apollo itu siapa?”

“Nih, kalo di sini diceritain kalo dia tuh ….”

Dan suasana seperti ini terus terjadi, berakhir pada 18 Juni 2003. Ah, betapa rindunya saya pada ayah/guru/sahabat/teman diskusi/teammate..everything itu.

May God really take good care of you pa & ma…

Your Daughter,

Nisa faridz

*Sebab Asterix dan penduduk kampung Galia selalu menjadi musuh bebuyutan Romawi. Maka waktu itu saya pikir semua cerita yang berhubungan sama Romawi boleh-boleh aja dianggap sebagai mitologi romawi :)

for one more day

nisa felicia faridz — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 05:43:10 +0000

Many things I do not know about my parents, about their love to each other and the reasons why they did all the things they did to me. Why they taught me what I’ve learned from them, and how did they know that I loved them all the time in their lives even though I was too proud to show or tell them so.

And in ‘for one more day’, Chick Benetto was so lucky for he had the chance to get the explanation from his mom. The explanation why he raised that way, without a father at the time when he needed him the most, as teenager, at the baseball field. He hated her for her status as ‘widow’ at that time (somewhere around 1950s). He was so ashamed of her for she was a nice-looking widow that made every wives in town so jealous of her.

Benetto was too focus on her status and reputation that he didn’t have any idea how she survived as single parent of two kids, even chick could go to college (and he blew up as student and preferred to chase his dream in baseball… which had never happened).

And ‘for one more day’ he had with his mom, he’s found out, through her best friends, that she was so brave, so strong, and so dauntless. She was always a great mother who played both roles as mom and dad, who kept standing for him, meanwhile in so many moments he didn’t stand up for her.

The book has inspired me to have another days with my belated parents. How the stood up for me, and my flaws for didn’t stand for them. I want to have the days when I explore my history, which is their story. For me, their stories are treasures, knowledge that precious to my future. As mitch said: behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins.

And then maybe I’ll tell you here later about her story, because according to mitch again, “sharing tales of those we’ve lost is how we keep from really losing them.”

My Friends,

I do not try to sell book here :)

Nor I persuade you to read it.

But I do encourage you to find the treasure of your lost-love ones…

Because when someone you love left you or left you, they are not truly gone. Sometimes they are come back to your heart, even at unlikely time. I also learned that from mitch.

Thanks mitch!!

A day off

shereen — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 12:03:25 +0000

Today I will sit at home, at least till 6 pm, spending time with Hazeeq. Last nite, when I got into the car after finishing my work, I was shocked to see my son is crying. "Nape nangis nih?", I said to him. "Ibu dah tak sayang kat Hazeeq.. Huhu..", dia kata. Sedih betul tgk muka dia. Mmg sad giler sbb ia mmg jenis yg tak suka buat perangai sangat without any particular reason. "What made you saying that? Siapa kata Ibu tak sayang Hazeeq? Kenapa ni?", I asked back, puzzelled. "Ibu tak nak cakap ngan Hazeeq kat phone. Ibu letak", he replied. Ohh.. tadi masa I called my husband suruh dia amik I kat keje, I terus letak.. Rupanya dia nak cakap ngan I masa tu. Tak tahupun...

Akhirnya, sampai tidur, dia asyik menangis je. I tidurkan dia, pastu turun bawah sat nak makan utk posa esok. Lama sikit kat bawah, dia merengek suruh I naik temankan dia tido. Since I tengok dia sensitif lain macam je that nite, I pun layan la. Tak pelah posa esok tu. Ada lagi esok lusa nak posa enam ;-).

Sepanjang malam tu tidur dia pun tak tenteram.. asyik terbangun je. Agaknya nak demam. So today, I tgk dia dah ok sikit tapi rasa tak sampai hati nak hantar dia pi sekolah. Badan pun cam dedar nak demam. Tak pelah.. biarlah I dok rumah, away from my research for just one day. Me and Hazeeq je kat rumah. Masa I dok bloggging nih, dia tgh tidur kat pangku I.. baru makan ubat demam. Kesianlah ada anak sorang ni... kesian kat both mommy and the son :-D. Well, sitting at home ni ada lah jugak masa nak blogging both sheffieldmy and SL.

Semalam I terbaca article on Sheila Webber's blog on Information Literacy. She's one of our research staff in IS Dept here. The main blog is on Info Literacy, of course. And then she mentioned about her Second Life blog, which is her personal life blog. Haa.. life nowadays camtulah gamaknya - kita nyer personal life dah jadi second life. Yang primary life ialah kita nyer professional life. Talking about the personal life becoming the second life we're heading to - I ada mende nak tambah sikit kat sini. Sebaiknya personal matter kita janganlah dijadikan agenda lain pulak dlm professional relationship kita. Ada manusia yang rasa nak jadi hero dengan memperjuangkan nasib manusia-manusia kecil(kononnya je kecil) sedangkan beliau tak tahu agenda manusia-manusia kecil tu ialah utk melaga-lagakan sesama manusia lain supaya ada pihak lain disisihkan seperti nasib mereka yang dah buat silap ngan manusia-manusia lain. Satu perkara yg perlu kita ingat - kalau bukan hal kita, jangan campur. Biar mereka selesaikan dengan cara masing-masing - jangan cuba nak take side sebab you can never tell the truth kalau tak dengar daripada kedua belah pihak. Hubungan sesama manusia ni pelbagai dimensi - bukan 2D/3D je - massive dimension! Sekali lagi I nak ingatkan - jangan sibuk nak masuk campur. Kalau depa nak fight, biar depa je fight sebab campur tangan pihak lain selalunya akan menyusahkan pihak-pihak lain. Hubungan yang baik jangan dikeruhkan tak tentu pasal. Kalau you tak de hal ngan I, jangan sengaja nak buat hal. Full Stop. Well, mintak mahaplah kalau ada yang terasa - I cuma nak melepaskan geram yang terbuku. Tapi, trust me.. I honestly appreciate the good relationship we had here. So, I really hope it will continue to grow professionally and with respect.

AJK PMPMS kali ni tersangatlah aktifnya - kengkadang rasa cam tak larat je. Kalau nak kata meeting tu - macam-macam citer kat dlm e-mail. Tapi yang bagusnya majoriti AJK pun aktif dan buat kerja sesama - so, tak penat sgt kalau ada yg uzur sebab nak viva atau anak sakit dsb. If you want to check out our blog, do go to sheffieldmy.wordpress.com. Masih banyak yg perlu update tu - tapi mende dah adalah. Yg maintainnya buat masa ni ialah I sendiri dengan input utama dari Sdr Babul, Sdr Badrul & Ust Hasri. In the near future, I hope Faddly will join me since I know he's kinda creative and love website maintainance.

Oh ye.. this season the difference between MY-UK time is 8 hours till next March. Makin susahlah nak call MY - akan menyusahkan hidup depa lebih sikit. Bersyukur kita kat MY tak de hidup yg kompleks camni ;-)

Oklah kots - nak update sheffieldmy blog lak nih(after buat panggilan ke MY). Hazeeq masih lagi tidur - so nak curik masa sikit. Nanti bila dia dah bangun, nak mandikan dia and buat homework. See ya!

A moment in time 1962

diedonthevine — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 02:33:23 +0000

I remember those times quite vividly even now. Now that my mind has been afflicted with age and disease, I struggle to remember the day before last, so strange, realizing finally how I must have replayed these hurts over and over in my head, continuing to feel punished just as those from my past did to me then. In one familiar memory I remember most Sundays after church lining up in front of my parents bedroom doorway behind my brother Terry and he was waiting behind his paternal twin, Tack. Then we would slowly slink over to the gigantic purple triangular chair. There she sat waiting for us with a leather strap in her hand. One by one we were called over and told to take our pants down. We then had to lay front down across her big lap and her arm would raise up and as she swung she told us yet again how there will be no arguing or fighting in church. She was a scratch golfer then so her swing was quite lethal. But hey she was no dummy. Being a registered nurse gave her the edge of knowing where tell tale marks would not perpetuate for long. There would be no ruckus whatsoever to embarrass her again. We each took our turns and me being youngest and last I had the luxury of seeing her beat them both as well as experience my own.

I did not deserve those beatings. My adopted brothers I am reluctant to defend, although I feel beating is not an answer for any positive outcome. They were mean, selfish and did horrible things to me most of my life and so I have trouble feeling sorrow for them. I have no problem pitying them for their loss, (my loss as well but I am willing to lose and walk away when the price is too high to stay) their destruction of us ever sharing the fruits of what a family can truly be in a person's life. Those closest to me growing up were dramatic, imposing, physically and emotionally traumatic. I on the other hand did not develop as they for the very reason I was their target. Well maybe I did learn the self love part but in a preservation kind of way. Developing a personality and persona conducive to warding off the offensive behaviors and treatment that was displayed upon me continually for many years. I do not ask for pity in my memories of bad emotional days. I am desperate for some understanding of what I endured, endure and am still working to undo enough to stop enduring the conditioning and conditioned response that has become my norm. Being able to stop a certain behavior requires practice and failing sometimes. It is the failing that cuts me off. Most people I know get umpteen chances at things. Not me. I have lived with and around and read about every damn day people who break all the rules but yet somehow there they are, not really being punished the same way as others. I am just as worthy as anyone and I deserve a chance. I feel people expect me to behave a certain way and to adapt and adopt things as they do and I do not believe in this. I walk to the beat of a different drummer so to speak and I do not just fit in. I am want to connect with people on a personal and genuine level. I don't do superficial well and I am not inclined to be tactful unless I feel it is warranted. I have no idea where I do fit in in life. That is one huge reason I am writing my guts and having restless years trying to develop into a similar persona of what I should have been from my beginning. This time was stolen from me. It was used up in hurtful ways against me I had no control over. Do you have children? Do you drink to get away from all the pressures around you? Do you escape from your kids or worse yet show them coping skills that may set them up for failure throughout their live's? I mean how many people out there know what self honesty is and use it on themselves to walk a road of self responsibility? I mean come on, really? Do you?

Alchohol is just as crippling of the human experience as heroin addiction, methamphetamine or even CRACK. The alchoholics life can be flamboyant, appear as if they drink social levels or even secret their habits. The result is the same in its crippling of the mind and body. Many an alchoholic has an unstable and changing perspective of things around them. They work hard to continue feeding this habit which allows them to continue getting the emotional and physical charge/change it produces. Drinking can completely undermine what we are really capable of at that moment only the drinker usually fails to realize or admit this side effect well documented from drinking. They usaully insist that all is functioning as "normal" and it will be FINE. Bullshit bullshit, bull fucking shit. It will not be fine if you drink habitually and rely on it's effect to feel better, to feel numb or whatever. When you are not feeling sober just KNOW it affects the people around you a hell of a lot more than your willing to admit.