My pet phrase of advice is don't expect too much, if you'd lower your expectations, the disappointment is lesser when it doesn't happen, and the joy is greater when it does.

I preach because I believe, and therefore, I try my best to live by it. Yet, nothing is perfect, I can't keep to it all the time. I slip, especially when the person is close to me. I expect more of them, and though it sometimes turns out alright, often it doesn't. I get upset, I feel cheated disappointed, I feel that they've let me down. It's not okay, because then I forget that I was at fault for letting it get to me, but I see it as their fault. I shouldn't be over-reliant on others, I shouldn't let expectations get to me. I should, instead, learn to be glad when they do something, anything. But each time I get disappointed, the pang of upsetting feeling reminds me of what I'm doing wrong.

I'm typing this because it's fresh in my mind. I got irritated, and even upset.. because of what didn't happen.. And I had let it overtake what had happened. Next time, remember.. The joy of what happened should be more than the disappointment of what didn't. I need to appreciate what I have, rather than to lament what I didn't.

So to all the guysout there who still think women dream of prince charming, do not worry, we have no longer any illusions. However, we still hope we can find someone who can love us for the person we are. Is that really so bad?

ăsta e un post din gama I hate myself....mă urăsc pentru că-ţi dau tot mai multe şanse şi tu îmi demonstrezi de fiecare dată că sunt o fraieră că mai ţin cu dinţii de prietenia asta....care după unii nici nu e o prietenie adevărată....am zis că poate cei 17 ani de când ne ştim au un efect...cel puţin la mine ăsta e singuru' motiv pentru care mai am pretenţia la a numi ce e între noi prietenie....întotdeauna pentru tine a contat prima dată persoana ta, iar apoi te-ai gândit la ceilalţi...asta dacă te gândeai...la tine era mereu EU EU EU EU EU !!!! na aşa m-am săturat de porcăria asta...şi eu sunt de vină pentru că tolerez...but not anymore

am realizat că de cele mai multe ori eu sunt cea cu buza umflată şi de aceea nu se mai merită...tu să-ţi vezi liniştită de viaţa Ta, dar fără mine în ea, sau cel puţin nu ca până acum...e vremea să încep să mă pun şi eu deasupra ta, să nu mă mai gândesc la tine...ce ai tu aşa de special încât să meriţi să fii pusă pe primul loc..nimic...o să mă schimb...o să mă fac mai rea...ata ete, văd că nu se mai poate aşa. M-am săturat să dau un deget şi să-mi fie luată toată mâna....şi fraieră aici sunt numai eu...tu ai fost inteligentă că ai profitat de slăbiciunile mele....but not anymore...o să mă schimb...

o să mă schimb....

o să mă schimb....

o să mă schimb....

o să mă schimb....

So after reading Modern Single Momma’s blog on the new TLC reality show “Must Love Kids”  I decided to record and watch them…to see a “real world” depiction of dating a single mom.

Of the three women I could only go for one... Vanessa. Ok, she is cute and I do have this tendency for blondes…but let’s move away from the physical. She is the only one that seems to have it together…IMHO. I am not bragging by any means…however I parent/care for three kids everyday…all me…no help. Tracy lets her kid run over her…and Kristin is just too quirky and comes with a live in mom (ugh).  Now Vanessa appears to have it together. She makes a healthy breakfast, they eat together, she invokes structure to her children’s lives, and she smiles all the time. In her interactions she is respectful and considerate…yet has a patient boldness.  She seems to be complete as a person. Content and confident in herself. I watched as she looked for what she wanted and quickly weeded out what didn’t work. She had no time to “wait and see” if they’d come around. She is a mom who carries all the hats…she desires a man that won’t be another “chore”.

I wish it were the fact that I needed them just to love my kids. I need someone that will ultimately be able to blend into a successful life with me. Do our values/beliefs support each other? Do our parenting styles mesh? What about financial issues? Is she willing to make sacrifices to make the relationship successful and harmonious? Does she like waffles? There is a lot to consider from both sides even with love present.

I often wonder how early these things should be discussed.  Should they come out in random conversation or should I be direct and throw it all out on the table? It seems I have always had subtle tests that start from the first meeting: Is she considerate of others? Is she comfortable in her own skin prior to alcohol intake? Can she defend her opinion intelligently? Is she positive or negative about life? Can she dance? Can she kiss? All things you can glean from those first date experiences if you so desire. Where is my TV show setting me up with a boat load of women to choose from?

Too many times we end up disappointed because of unmet expectations. Well I am tired of it. I believe you get what you go after.  I look for depth of personality, not bra size. I look at her character; bikini or tankini…not such a big deal.  Sorry. I’d rather be playing with my kids then flexing in the gym mirror. Of course she needs to be HWP…but then so should I.  For me I do best when I only date one person at a time or not date at all. After I determine that a future cannot be had then I’ll let them know. Yes, I tell them upfront that I ultimately want an LTR that could turn into marriage. If they are not interested then let’s be friends and move on. Face it, I can’t do casual dating…I like to attach…I am a one woman guy looking for a one guy woman. Period.

 Oh yeah, back to the show… To my knowledge... None of the potential suitors were guys with six pack abs… They all looked pretty average to me. We are moms and dads. Not models and gym rats.

[audio=http://www.mypodcast.com/fsaudio/wisbc_20080706_1153-266336.mp3]

I cannot allow myself to have expectations of Master.  As soon as I do, I over step my bounds and start to demand.  I must lose all belief that I have a right to anything.  The hardest piece of that to overcome has been my sexuality.  My old self keeps screaming from the back ground, keeping score.  Why should it matter to me that he gets to orgasm every day and I only get to when I can get in the right headspace?  Why am I counting orgasms like a child counts halloween candy?  Isn't the most important thing that Master is happy?  But no, that is the first thing that will send me spinning.

For about the last year I have vacillated between overwhelming need with the seemingly requisite cunty attitude and being flat, shutting down.  I could not manage to integrate my unfullfilled needs with serving him in any consistent manner.  If I needed, I would find myself fighting to get those needs met. My only other solution was to shut down.  Then eventually I would find myself increasingly aggitated because I didn't exactly sign on for a passionless vanilla marriage, and again would get myself in trouble.

But Master is tired of all of this.  I nearly got myself kicked out of here.  He requires both my passion and my obedience.  I am trying to integrate this.

Master knows how much I crave physical touch and pain and the lengths I go to have my needs met.  So of course he is targeting me there.  This is the battlefield where he will subjugate my will.  He has almost stopped touching me completely.  I am not allowed to tell him what I want.  I am only allowed to focus on his needs and my desire to touch him.  I can cum from touching him, so if I want to orgasm then I have to get out of my head and focus on him, and not what I want him to do to me. Basically if I dont get off it is my fault for thinking about my needs instead of his.  He is teaching me to only find pleasure in his pleasure.  And when it works it is perfect and beautiful but when it doesn't I find myself resentful and bitter.

I have to believe that there is more.  Is it possible to focus solely on him to abdicate all personal need?  Is it possible to lose myself so completely in him that the only way to happiness is his happiness?  That I only feel his pleasure?  Can I learn to just not want?  I think there is a peace that I am catching a glimpse of, a oneness beyond anything I thought possible. 

But I wonder even if I am supposed to be content or maybe the point is to learn to accept my discontent.  Does contentment beget complacency?  Do my unmet needs serve to motivate?  Can Master ever have every immediate need anticipated so that he will never go without?  If I have not been able to provide that then is it ever be ok for me to move into contentment?  Is my contentment and happiness inately selfish? 

I know Master does not want me to shut down.  He has made this clear.  He will not excuse my disobediance.  This is also clear.  He will not aquesce to my wants.  That is a given. So I am finding that somehow I have to allow myself to feel all the cravings and yet accept that he will most likely refuse me what I so desperately desire. 

It seems it is all coming down to what he always says, "It does not matter how you feel, just do."

There is something about marriage that breeds expectations.  And this never ends well.  Once we start expecting our spouse to do, or be, something, we often end up in that cycle of resentment that leads to separate bedrooms, separate homes, and eventually, left uncorrected, visitation rights or shared custody.

How my parents were able to survive the minefield of resentment and stay married until death separated them, I'll never know.  Seeing the continued resentment in my in-laws, even after 30 years of divorce, just reinforces the power of anger.

"We have been married for over seven years, which given my previous relationship history, is amazing"

We have been married for over seven years, which given my previous relationship history, is amazing.  I knew the moment I first met my wife, at a conference in Washington, DC, that she was awesome.  Six months later, we ended up attending the same grad school and a friendship developed.  After two years, we were married.

They say that love is blind, and "they" are always right!  I saw my wife as a beautiful, bubbly, sanguine.  I wasn't prepared for the bossy, controlling, choleric.  I didn't know she was a perfectionist that would insist on cleaning up my act.  But it turns out we are perfect for each other.  I'm the uncontrollable addict and she's the controlling fixer in my life.  Who'd a thunk it?

For some reason when we mutually decided that she would be the stay at home Mom and I the hard working Dad, we really didn't know what we were getting into.  I thought that she would take the primary responsibility for the kids, house, and food (like my Mom did), and I'd take care of the cars, yard, and finances - along with my 40-50 hr/week job.  Well, it's amazing to see what happens when expectations aren't met.

Yesterday we were headed into Portland for a couple of events.  First, I wanted to attend the PDXplore event at the Pacific Northwest College of Art.  Second, we were hoping to meet up with some Twitter-types so that She could meet some of my growing circle of virtual friends.  Then, if all went well, we'd make a quick stop at Costco (since there isn't one within an hour of Rainier) and She and the kids could hang out at Powell's or a nearby park.

Right off the bat two of my expectations were not met.  One that we would leave on time; and two, that everything around the house would be taken care of when I came home to pick up The Fam.

To be fair, there were probably more of her expectations not met, but since I'm the one telling the story, we're not going to get into that here.

So, off we go to PDX, an hour and a half late.  Then I can't find the Beaverton Costco.  How hard can this be, I've been there a dozen times, I know that area well, but I can't find the entrance (stupid land-use planning committees!).  We arrive downtown, in the Pearl District about 30 minutes late and I'm just frustrated.

To bring this to a boil, She is showing little or no patience with the kids.  Something about being with them constantly, being overwhelmed, typical stay-at-home mom rants.  Not helping my need to be at the PDXplore panel discussion on time and to get a good seat.  It probably didn't help that I hadn't eaten since morning.

So after a couple pieces of Pizza Schmizza, my attitude was better.  But it didn't take long for hers to pull me into the pit.  By the time we got home (it's an hour), I was pissed at her, and she was in tears.  But few words were spoken.  We crawled silently into bed, snuggled with the kids, and as soon as they were asleep I slipped out to my office for a little anger-induced CSI:Miami.  Then I slept on the couch in my office.

"I hate it when she doesn't live up to my expectations!"

"All this built up resentment is Her fault!"

"Grrrrrrr...!"

This morning, we hugged, we talked, we apologized and forgave.  That's not enough though.  The kids put a crimp in our ability to communicate well.  We need some time to talk.  We need to be clear on what are reasonable and unreasonable expectations.  The best thing we can do for our kids, is to be free of resentment, anger, and mistrust.

Before kids, we had a weekly date night and we made it a point to attend an annual marriage retreat.  We know that it is important to avoid the mistakes of our parents.  But, we've had a steady stream of infants and toddlers for the past 3-1/2 years.  Not an excuse, just an explanation.

I think we're going to have to have more quality time together.  I can't stand the resentment!  But more importantly, I love my wife!

Soon the joint responsibility for a new human will be ours. I've seen a lot of people do it and it looks like something I can handle but how it's all gonna go down is impossible to know right now. And by "all" I'm talking the next forever of my life. Our lives.

I can see us three together, though. I can see the child in Lu's arms, feel her passing him or her to me. I softly sniff the silken hair and I smell the scent of fresh baby. Our baby. But that baby is going to grow and as it grows this person will live a whole life all on their own, just like you and me. Our parents made us at the most fundamental level, and they guided us into understanding and morality and love. But in the end we each live every day completely in our own skin, even as that skin and our minds stretch to comprehend the endless complexity of the world.

We start as 46 tiny strands of chromosomes and we grow to the point where we can know that the Universe is bigger than our minds can know. Thirty-four years from now my son or daughter will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I feel like I've been riding in a train as Lu runs beside it. I'm watching her transformative journey of effort and action, of strength and exhaustion, of inexorable and extreme beauty. Pregnancy pushes female humans to the edge of their capabilities. It is incredible to watch.

Lu pregnant is a breathtaking example of the Universe at its most powerful. Like a star igniting in the vacuum of space, like atoms colliding into energy, so too is the union of cells that now kicks and swims in Lu's womb, filled with the fire of our love.

There's a brilliant viral video going around where the Verizon "can you hear me now?" guy and his network sneak up on a guy making a phone call and follow him around, just like in the commercials.

What can we learn from why this works?

1. TV Is A "Socialization Medium". TV isn't a Social Medium in the way we normally think of it. But it IS a fantastic "Socialization Medium".This stunt couldn't have worked unless it was able to draw on the crowd's shared experience. Their reaction wasn't "what the heck is that?" Their reaction was "OMG, I've seen this on TV!". Verizon was able to socialize this concept through good commercials in people's living rooms.
2. Show Beats Tell Every Time. How do you sell something invisible, like a better wireless network? The rational thing to do is to explain it with words. The smart thing to do is communicate it with an outrageous visual. Verizon invested millions and dollars and years of effort into making the Verizon guy and his network a visual icon.Making their product difference visible in an entertaining way made their story stick in people's heads. It's easy to forget a tagline. It's hard to forget a visual story.
3. Unexpected Is Powerful. Most of the time, most of the human race teeters perilously on the brink of being bored to death. By the time we're teenagers, we've seen it all, read it all, heard it all and done it all a thousand times. This goes double for advertising. We have to make our messages new again, or accept the consequences.
4. Leave Room For Human Moments. The best part of this video, for me, is when the guy who has been surprised begins playing along by taking half steps and seeing what the network will do. Unscripted moments like that will always be better than anything you could possibly script in advance. Why? Because they are genuine, human, real: three things that advertising generally is not.
5. Resist The Urge To Hard Sell. The best way to have ruined this would have been to start thinking selfishly. "Shouldn't we say something about how big our network is?" "Maybe our guy should be carrying a giant Verizon sign." "Can't we tag the video with a 5 second pitch about our new widget?"

Does anybody know if this was an official Verizon effort? Who the production company or agency was? Where or how the idea started? I'm really curious. It's rare to see something done so well.

P.S. Disclosure: I'm a Verizon Wireless customer in NYC. I actually think they're really good, which makes me like this video all the more.

• Working on my application for Visible School (one year certificate program in music) in Memphis, TN. I put together a video audition in one week and just finished my essays and other assignments yesterday! Prayer and funds are needed and if you can help in either way (or both) please contact me! Thanks!
• Working hard at my workplace. It's on the dl (down low) but I'm working hard and taking tests to stay up to date on current products. It's hard work pleasing customers!
• Growing in my relationships with my girlfriend Amber, my family, and my friends here in York and abroad. It's a constant battle not to lose contact with good friends. 
• Working on music. I've only written one new song since the beginning of July but it's a start. I tend to have bursts of inspiration and then long periods of inactivity. 
• Struggling with depression. I get down on myself because I hold myself to very, very high expectations. Expectations so high that I can never reach them - hence my depression at never reaching my goals. I'm learning to set more realistic goals and stick to them.

I don't think I managed to describe how fun my weekend actually was. It rained on Sunday, yes, but we rented Jumper and watched it and then a friend and I got in a pillow fight and she proved that I can't help laughing when someone hits my head. It's not that I find it funny, I just burst in laughter without wanting to. Then I painted my faced with make up and I looked like an Indian (I mean, native American/Canadian) or like Queen Amidala, perhaps.

It's time I talked a little about my English school, because it's awesome. I feel as comfortable as I did back in high school, when the teachers knew our names and we chat with them and joke them and throw pens at them (okay so I never did that in school, but I did it on Monday). And they always organize activities in the afternoon or the evening, which is great. We went to have Tai food for dinner today.

My classmates are nice people, too. There's a Spanish girl I get along pretty well with, but we're always calling each other names. She's culo and I'm either Metro-y-medio or Come-pasto.

You girls asked me...

- What I would tell the Pope. I have been thinking about this, really. Trying to finding something witty because, if you only get this one chance to say something to him, you wouldn't want to waste it by saying something like  "God bless you" or "You fascist, you are to blame for the death of millions of people who get AIDS for not wearing a cap!" xD. Because he's heard that too many times already and he would forget me immediately. But I just realized there's something I admire about him and I would like to compliment him on: imagine having an occupation that makes you socialize daily, giving speeches, practicing diplomacy, organizing stuff and so on -that's to stay, speaking too much and talking to too many people. If I had a job like this I would go home and shut my mouth up and feel If I heard one more sentence I would explode. I really would. But yet the pope spends his free time talking to God. And I mean, wow, this God must be a really interesting being when you feel like having a chat with him after being tired of talking to people. I know I would be all "Please give me a break, no more communication for today!".

- What do I hate most from people? I hate people who judge me before they know me. Like, there is this Spanish guy who laughed at me the first time I met him for thinking my computer would work here. It took me five minutes to explain to him that computers are built to work both in American and Europe, and that the problem was on the motherboard, not on the power chord. Okay, he is an ignorant and he wouldn't have guessed a girl could know how to use a computer. Lame.

Then he called me a lier when I said I was buying books in New York, and said I was probably just buying clothes... he was not only an idiot, he was also a sexist pig. Then I said I liked japanese comics and he said "Wow, you don't look like that kind of person at all". Which didn't make me feel proud or offended or anything, It just shows that he was basing his opinion of me on a silly first impression. And I mean, I do not look like the kind of girl who spends daddy's money on expensive clothes and jewellery. Fuck, I don't even wear earrings or bracelets or anything. I'm sure I give the opposite impression.

And I ask both of you now...

What is something everyone expected from you when you were little that hasn't /isn't happening?

For example, at one point everyone in my family thought I would grow up to be a good musician, because I was pretty good at playing the piano, but I eventually dropped out of music lessons and gave up. Also, certain people expected me to become this extremely shy and puritan catholic girl, which those of you who know me can tell I am not.

Ahm... I think I wrote enough (probably more than enough) so I'll read you soon. By the way, I am sick of going on Skype and not finding anyone to talk to. xD. Hugs!

By Nicole Beurkens, M.Ed.

My husband and I had three sons when our daughter joined our family. I was thrilled with the idea of finally being able to put one of my children in dresses, buy cute little shoes, and do her hair. After three boys, it was time for me to have another female in the house to share my love of all things girly When she was tiny, I was easily able to put cute little things in her hair and she left them there. At some point all her baby hair fell out so there really wasn’t much hair to do anything with (I resorted to headbands for photos!). Fast-forward to the present time, and my daughter is now 14 months old. She has a lovely head of thick, dark, curly hair that is just begging to be done up in cute bows, pigtails, and tiny braids.

There is just one small problem—she refuses to leave the darn things in! I have tried everything—winding the hair bands tighter, doing her hair while she has a snack to distract her, buying different types of clips, doing her hair while wet, and doing her hair while dry. I really thought I had her beat last week when I washed her hair and spent time putting it in small little twists all over her head. I used tiny little hair bands that were “guaranteed” (according to the package) not to pull out. She looked so cute, and I was feeling really good about having finally triumphed over her in the hair department. And then she went to bed. And in the night I heard her up laughing and laughing and laughing. And in the morning her hair looked like she’d gotten way too close to an electrical outlet, with every single hair band strewn around the floor of her room. What’s a mother to do?!

My husband has been watching this drama from afar all these weeks, and has put up with my scowls when I come home and her hair is running wild all over her head. He gives me the story behind how it came to be that the hair décor she had when I left the house in the morning is no longer—she tried to eat the bows; she threw the hair bands on the floor; she got mad and yanked them out; and on and on. Finally this past weekend he said something that didn’t make me happy at the time, but that I know makes sense. He suggested that our daughter just isn’t ready to keep bows in her hair, and at some point she will be able to do that. However, in the meantime maybe I should stop setting myself up for disappointment and struggles between us and just let it go. Darn, I hate it when he’s right!

There are many times in life with our kids that we have to know when to adjust our expectations. We have to know when to let things go, at least for now. Parenting a child with autism and working toward remediation often requires walking a fine line between having high expectations, but also knowing when s/he just isn’t ready to do something. Parents will often tell me that they just want their child to have a friend. They may go to great lengths to “get” their child a friend, including setting up play dates, hosting events, and bringing their child to every extra-curricular activity imaginable—all in the name of this quest for a friend. The reality, however, is that when children are developmentally ready to have friends, they will. Until that time, we can push, fight, struggle, and devote ourselves to the cause all we want; and probably depress ourselves, burn our child out, and fail to devote our time and attention to working on the developmental foundations that will allow our child to actually have a friend someday.

I believe that what this all really boils down to is having trust the developmental process, and knowing that “not now” doesn’t mean “never”. My daughter will keep her hair bows in at some point—but not now. Children with autism who are getting back on the typical developmental process through remediation will get to the point where they are able to engage in very real and meaningful ways—but it might not be right now. There is a process to everything, and half the battle is understanding that process and knowing when to let go—for now.

I continue to work on letting go of my need for my daughter to have her hair done all the time. I won’t lie—I still do something with it each morning before I leave for work. However, the difference is in my expectations. I don’t expect to come home to her hair still looking nice, because I’ve accepted that it is unreasonable to expect at this point. She’s not ready for that yet, but someday soon she will be. Think about the reasonableness of your current expectations for your children. Are there things you expect them to be able to do that perhaps they just aren’t ready for? Are you constantly frustrating yourself, your child, and others around you by pushing and pulling to meet an expectation that is out of reach at this point? Are you spending more time trying to force your child to an end goal without working on the developmental progression that will get you there? If this is true for you, then I challenge you to reset your expectations. Be willing to let go of these expectations for now, knowing that you are putting your time and energy into working on the steps that will get you there. “Not now” doesn’t mean “never”!

About the Author: Autism specialist Nicole Beurkens, founder and director of the Horizons Developmental Remediation Center, provides practical information and advice for families living with autism and other developmental disabilities.  If you are ready to reduce your stress level, enrich your child’s development, and improve your family’s quality of life, get your FREE reports now at ==> www.HorizonsDRC.com

I got a call from my boyfriend this afternoon telling me he was at the tattoo parlor preparing to get inked. I have no problem with tattoo, I think they can be quite sexy when they are done right. He had been talking about getting tattooed again for over a year and apparently he finally figured out what he wanted and made an appointment. The appointment was for August, but they had a cancellation so he went  in today.  He never told me that he  made that appointment  or even decided what he wanted.  I got slightly upset because he didn't tell me his plans. He said he made the appointment about a month ago and just forgot to tell me. Ummm, I think this would be something important enough to remember to tell me!

After talking to him, I had sometime to chill out and realize I over reacted. I am not his mother, nor his wife. I am just his girlfriend and he is a grown ass man, capable of making his own decisions without my consent. I did apologize.

I just wish he would talk to be before he does things like this. We've been dating for almost 3 years, so I kind of feel like he should be letting me in on some of his decisions, as I let him have a say so in mine. Maybe I am expecting too much at this point in our relationship? I have no idea, I've never dated someone this long, so its all new to me.

Am I expecting too much?

Isn't that a bit like saying, "people have a tendency to breathe (and it's the oxygen that ages them?)" Actually, he probably said 'high expectations', but some expectations are perfectly reasonable, and we founder upon them anyway.

A bit of advice I picked up from somewhere is that we should not attempt to change people. We shouldn't say "I'm going to tell him/her not to do that... it's for his/her own good." Just leave it alone. What was meant by that was that we shouldn't nag, or complain about the little things.

That's hard when you wish people were more aware, and more chatty when you would like a chat... not sort of dashing off saying "yes, very interesting," (or, worse), "that's not very good." It's hard to write about this without sounding like a moaner, which is probably why we're advised to keep quiet and not nag. It doesn't come across well – but it still has a lot to do with why people end the day under a cloud.

I'm from quite an undemonstrative family. No gushing, no hugging, no kissing. I never understood cousins who wanted to kiss me after not having seen me for months or years, and I never knew how to react. They didn't kiss me as children, so why did they start when they were in their late teens? The boys were the worst! I was embarrassed having to kiss one cousin's little boy goodnight when he toddled round all the adults at bedtime... I hadn't been brought up that way. Trouble is, I think being undemonstrative can be taken too far... it can get a little cold, a little supercilious.

When I was nineteen, I thought people had to keep their emotions in a little box... whether anger, sadness, or great enthusiasm. It would be awful to let anyone know you were actually feeling something! When I discovered that the world didn't stop spinning if you expressed how you actually felt, it was a huge relief in a way... but it still wasn't something that came naturally. I think growing up deaf (at any rate, deaf in a mainstream community) also does a lot to destroy natural expressiveness (but not the emotions). But that's a whole other ballgame and not what I meant to discuss here.

I got all excited when I read over that last paragraph and realized I had written about boxes! Oh, boxes! Last night I was appreciating another blogger's post, which was about people themselves being put in boxes. Other people put us in boxes, such as 'Rebel Without a Cause'. We either accept them or kick them away and climb into other boxes of our own. I'm not sure I ever labelled any of mine? Oh, I suppose I do... 'agoraphobic', 'dreamer', as well as others that I'm not sure I want to talk about -- sad, grey boxes; large, black angry boxes; furry talking boxes; damp, cold cardboard boxes tucked in the draughty bit behind the shed. (I was wondering why 'draughty' had a red line under it, and looked it up, and it said 'British spelling of 'drafty'. Also 'labelled' is British way of saying labeled. Sigh).

When I read that post, I thought, "why don't I blog about stuff like that? Instead I ramble about mundanities."

Well, I did blog about boxes, and I didn't have to think about it... it just happened!

[Beams].

Aren't you proud of me?

Anyway, I remember a friend who understood that I came from a 'no huggy, no kissy' family, unlike hers. One day she was seeing me off on a train... she helped me settle in with my bags, gave me a note to read when the train was on the move, then suddenly gave me a squeeze, and a peck on the cheek. While she grinned at me from the platform, I read the note... it said "I know you don't like emotional goodbyes, so I thought I would give you a hug at the last minute before getting off the train."

Funny, I had no objection to that one at all.

When reaching some one via an email. Do you write at each address you know or trust the one you know is commonly used.

Not reacting to an irritant might eventually end a relationship any. Would you risk telling the truth to avoid future misunderstandings.

Pessimism is  a view point so is being practical. One is not synonymous with the other. As one still harbours hope.

Attention and being over bearing. Really really fine line there.

Like accelerated particles , expectations and reality collide and follow new paths, sometimes with explosive results.  But somewhere between the '50s and the '00s it became easier to listen than it was to question.  And now the choices have narrowed down to denial, anger and bemusement.  It's really not that surprising.  Perhaps because I had the luck/foresight/intuition to actually own the home I live in (complete with rural setting) I can move right to the acceptance stage and vigorusly wave my cynical bastard banner.

• Make an album with a theme entirely about alienation.
• Once successful, incorporate avant-garde electronic music, Krautrock and jazz influences. (Ignore the fact that critics will later call it a "commercial suicide note", and "intentionally difficult". You wouldn't have known that when you decided.)
• Quit your record company and tell the press about it "the time is at hand when you have to ask why anyone needs one"
• Sell your next album as a digital download. The price? Whatever the customer cares to pay. Including nothing.
• Make a music video without cameras, which no one has ever done before.

Radiohead made all the above decisions. The band (and their brand) remain hugely successful.

Hundreds of other bands have made safe, sane decisions.  Fully supported by market research.  Deemed correct by conference rooms full of MBAs.

These bands failed miserably.

Before you pass this off as just rock and roll, ask yourself -- would you have approved the iPod, knowing it was unlike any previously successful MP3 player? Would you have dared venturing into the mobile phone business like the iPhone, departing from so many time-honored conventions of that business?

How far have you strayed from your comfort zone, lately? Have you accomplished anything remarkable?

Are you even still trying?

I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of living on a lakefront beach. I thought maybe it would be small. Or rocky. Or the water would be cloudy and brown. I suppose one of the reasons they call this a "great" lake is because it is none of those things. It doesn't have strong tides or big waves, but it makes me happy. I can hear the water from my apartment and I smile. I can watch the surface of the lake change from gunmetal gray to aquamarine, depending on the sun and sky and time of day. It makes me feel at home in this place that is so different from what I know.

I think the weather in Chicago may be even more fickle than I am. I woke up to a thunderstorm this morning. It wasn't fierce, but it was rumbling and it doused the neighborhood with a good amount of water. I put off my plans to go for a walk and ran some errands instead (I have my library card now!). When I got back, the sky was peeking out from the clouds and the lake turned blue again. By 3pm, it was a glorious day (check out my Flickr pics for proof). I'm glad things change so quickly; it keeps me on my toes.

Have been working on applications for residency in the United States. This process has been very long and tiring for me. Some people I know have been closely associated with this. I wonder how long they will hang on to hopes and dreams. Mine that is. Some times just for their sake I hope this works out for me.

People don't make sense to me. How do they get by with their hypocrisy and spinelessness.

Relationships are worse. Move in with me because I want this to work makes for a  really awkward conversation. I like my space so much, I wonder if I can have my own apartment when I do decide to commit. Am I chicken or he is just not the right man, I wonder.

I feel lost when it comes to Indian politics. Enough said!

I have joined a language course that is completely ruining my command over other languages. This is not how it was meant to be.

And this isn't me ranting. I assure you. :)

Picture courtesy of extranoise

I enjoy observing people: expose me long enough to someone and by the end of it, I can tell, within some margin, the things you could most likely expect from them. Take our current block for example, which incidentally happens to be the same one I’ve been with since I started college. Right now, I can tell who’s probably going to be late for the meet-up at Gateway tomorrow morning, or what time we’d most likely be able to watch the movie despite having an early call time.

Nothing’s surefire, of course; not that I’m exactly anticipating a defense. It’s just that, once in a while, you tend to misjudge people – the person you’re sitting next to at terminal number twelve turns out to be a part time student, among all things; and the model student in class turns out to be, well, a not-so-model-student, after all. As I found out over the weekend, the powers-that-be in our college apparently has an unjustified distaste for handheld gadgets, quite ironically, and, even worse, a grudge against people who answer the call of nature on the fourth and fifth floors. Right.

And the case is the same with a friend who called me today, telling me how strongly he considered ditching the whole deal just for a comic book superhero, when, barely a month ago, it was all he ever wanted. It’s weird hearing that and knowing him for so long as someone who’s always cringing toward his obligations, much unlike the people he constantly complained about. Surreal, that one.

It turns out that the calls I make are not as accurate as I’d like to think. Sure, the big picture is there, and sometimes it may be all you need. And yet things are never really ideal when you need them to; there’s always this stray blotch of paint in the portrait – the circumstances, the subtleties, the mood, rather than simply mere convention. I’ve said in the beginning I can predict how someone reacts with respect to his behavior within some margin. Yes, you guessed it: the margin’s really huge.

So ultimately, it’s pointless; not the observations, of course, but the expectations that always seem to entail the whole package. Or you could expect, I suppose, paraphrasing a line from Baz Luhrmann, but know that you’d probably end up disappointed in the end when things turn more sour than you think. Or expect, and begin fussing over stuff that hasn’t even begun – who’s going to be late again? Either way, it’s a bad deal and you're better off taking things as they come.

Then again, just when you think he’s finally going to give in and become the thing he hates, he’s finally decided that he’s going to school tomorrow morning for the meeting. Undecided; that’s him, alright.

Ah, the paradox of it all.

Question: So what are you supposed to do, wait?

Answer: Make a decision based on the provided information and your intuition. If necessary change the decision when more information is revealed. Waiting will keep you right where you are.

Damn, self revelation is a bitch.

The road to happiness isn’t paved with our own rejection of self. Don Miguel Ruiz points out that our ability to set a standard of self that is one of perfection a perfection that is not realistic. We need to get to the point of accepting ourselves and qualities as who we are. We can certainly improve our image of self and our image of others. Finding peace with ourselves is an important step to realizing happiness.

Living in a society that continually raises the bar of expectation means that we are under constant pressure to match those around us. Perfection in our mind becomes the standard that we must obtain. Obtaining any level of perfection comes with a price. For many that price is a loss of joy and happiness.

Comparing ourselves with others is a common activity and that can be a catalyst for creating a perception gap in terms of being what we were meant to be. It is easy to find yourself trying to be what others are. Others become the standard especially if there is a belief that they are better from your perspective than you are. To remove that, compare yourself to who you are and what you are capable of doing. Are you doing what you can with what you have to the best of your ability? This is the yardstick that you should be using, one that measures your capabilities against what you are doing.

Ruiz writes, “All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.” One way to make sure we are living in reality is to stop and take an assessment of our own lives. Assess the values, the desires, and strengths. Are you using your gifts to your advantage?