And what is the Problem of Porn? The problem is -- pornography fails on many levels. But mostly, pornography repeatedly fails to be ‘erotic’. “Huh?” I hear you say. To illustrate my point, I recall a video shoot, probably back around 1995. Ferrand was working for LBO Entertainment, Bobbie Genova’s company, on a show called “Why Things Burn”, starring Alex Jordan (now deceased) and Don Hart. Alex was so much fun – always joking and laughing. And beautiful in a Girl-Next-Door way. Anyway, on the day of the shoot, I was hanging out with my friend Ferrand. I might have co-written the script, I can’t remember. What I do remember is that when it came time for Alex and Don to do their “commercial” scene (i.e. – fuck) Ferrand turned to me and said – “Okay, Carl, show me how to make it erotic.” “With pleasure, my dear Ferrand,” I said – and went and talked privately to Alex, Don and the cameraman. Alex was dressed for the scene in black stockings, garter belt, tiny thong and shiny black heels. Nothing else. She had a gorgeous, muscular butt that sat like a bubble on top of those nylon clad legs. All I asked Alex to do was to stand perfectly straight and absolutely still. And I ‘directed’ Don to kneel down behind her – and give her tiny kisses from her ankles all the way up the back of her legs, over the smooth milkiness of her thighs, and onto her butt. And when he got to her butt – not to press his face into her – but to continue the tiny, slow kissing until she reached round and grasped his hair in one hand. That was the direction for a single 3 minute shot. Don and the cameraman got down behind Alex and I called ‘action’.

You could have heard a pin drop on that set. I’ve probably been on over 1,000 hard core shoots – but shooting that sequence was the first time I ever felt myself hold my breath and just watch. And it was the same with the crew. But when Alex grabbed Don’s hair at the end of the sequence – and I called ‘cut’ – Ferrand looked at me, shaking his head with mock-pity and announced to cast and crew – “Alright, enough of this bullshit – let’s get to fucking!” I admit, I felt deflated. But I stayed to watch the fucking anyway.

In the edit room, the sequence I’d directed was duly placed at the head of the scene. Without any false modesty I can tell you that it was truly erotic. It made everyone stop and watch. It connected with those who saw it – and it felt so sensual, like you could almost feel the heat of Alex’s lovely legs through the nylon. “That is erotic, Ferrand!” I told him, and he admitted it was. “But, Carl”, he said, “we’re not making ‘erotic’ we’re making ‘hard core’. The audience doesn’t want that – it wants this.” And with that, he edited in a close up of Don’s testicles banging against Alex’s lower labia.

And that, folks, is the Problem with Porn.