Since Celia and I had been team teaching our sophomores while the freshmen were in military training, we decided to split up the classes so we each taught two classes of sophomores and freshman, each. My schedule on Tuesdays is a packed one. We get up at 6:30am to make the 8am bus that takes us from GZ to Zhuhai in time for our 10:30am class. I teach until noon, get a two-hour lunch break, and then it's straight through from 2:30pm until 5:30pm, when I get another break for dinner. Then it's back to campus for the 7:30pm class that ends at 9:00pm. The combination of an already long day and a really good meal makes that class the most difficult to teach, plus the students are dealing with their own food comas. Suffice it to say that by the end of that class, I had a real hard time keeping my eyes open past 11pm.

So while my freshmen were great, some of my sophomores threw me for a loop. It's interesting being a foreigner in a Chinese university classroom because the students throw things out there that they would never throw out in a Chinese professor's classroom and they certainly throw things out that American students would never throw out in an American classroom, foreign professor or not. We're still discussing the various tools and techniques that go along with persuasive speaking, so this week's topic was "Transitions" in speeches. One of the exercises was to have the students offer up various words to put on the board. Then I assigned each student a logical relationship such as Time/Sequence or Cause/Effect words and randomly called on each student, who then had to use one of the transition words in their category to relate to seemingly unrelated objects. As I am soliciting words from the students, one of them yells out "bisexual", which I put on the board given their fascination with all things gay-related. Then another student yells out "Peter", which I almost did not put on the board because it was a proper noun, but did in the end. A minute and a few words later, the same student says, "Put gay right there next to Peter", which triggered way more synapses in my brain than are normally triggered in a span of ten seconds as I contemplated how to handle this situation. In the end, I put "gay" up next to my name and left it at that. All the while, I was wondering what was meant by that comment and whether it was an attempt by my student to test me or to just test the foreign teacher, which is something they tend to do to everyone. I did not give any student the most logical relationship of "Peter" and "gay", but one student assigned "apple" and "bisexual" decided to come up with the sentence, "Peter and another boy were eating apples, thus they must be bisexual", which was certainly not the most logical sentence, but it worked. I made some comment about of course eating apples implies bisexuality, which was lost on my students, but then again was more for my benefit. All the while, I was wondering what my students were thinking and what my response should have been or should be if this comes up in the future. I still think my personal life should remain out of the classroom, but there is also the question of whether it's good for my students to meet a real, live gay person who happens to be their English teacher. I'm not sure of the answer to that because above all else, I want to maintain my authority in the classroom and coming out to my students may undermine that authority. Celia and I were discussing this matter after class and she reminded me that these kids probably have not encountered a foreigner up close and they are just testing me because I am foreign, not because they think I am gay. But I am also not concerned if they think I'm gay because I actually am. I think Celia's point is that they would do this with anyone, gay or straight. It's just an interesting situation to find myself in, especially as I go through my own thinking about being gay and out in China and how to go about doing that in a society that is just getting used to the notion of gay people. In contrast, in the Hong Kong MTR station, I saw a giant poster advertizing a government-sponsored Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Hotline. It was shocked to see something like that posted, that I had my friend take a picture and send it to me.

[caption id="attachment_202" align="aligncenter" width="241" caption="Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation Poster in MTR"][/caption]

At the end of class, we had some extra time, so I decided to work on my students' impromptu speaking skills and we played an improv game called "Park Bench" where two people come up to the front of the room and the students assign each person a role and give them the scenario. Then the two students have to act out the scenario as those two people sitting on a park bench. When I clap, two more students come up and have to use the last sentence from the previous dialogue in their roles assigned by the rest of the class. The kids assigned the first two students the role of boyfriend and girlfriend and they were having a fight. The fight was over the girlfriend catching the boyfriend looking at another girl, who turned out to possibly be a guy. Point for gender identity issues. Then the next two students came up and were the girl who might be a guy and his/her friend. This storyline ran for a few more pairs, then when two girls were on the bench, the students decided to make them lesbians. Most of these storylines demonstrate some sort of fascination with homosexuality and all things gay, so it may not actually have less to do with me and more to do with their desire to talk about it while perhaps dealing with some of their own repressed feelings about the topic. And the foreign teacher is the best way to make this all happen because they could never do it with a Chinese professor.

As I work through these thoughts on the subject, I still wonder if coming out to my students is a good idea. Above all else, I do not want any distractions in my classroom, so it may be something I wait to do until the semester is over or do it when the fascination with the topic reaches a point where I have to do it. Right now, I am going to ascribe to the idea that they are just testing me and that all of this behavior is part of their own curiosity and feelings about gay people and homosexuality.

To make matters more interesting in my classroom, I am sometimes referred to as a "handsome boy" and "strong teacher" by my male students in my other classes, with one coming up to me after class and actually asking me how I got so strong. The students are definitely asking questions and making comments that I would never expect to hear in an American university setting. I wonder where this openness and seeming comfort comes from and if anyone else who has taught overseas has encountered anything like these situations. We have a conference in November with all of the other Yale-China fellows and this will definitely be something that I will bring up in one of our group sessions.

It's all part of another week in Zhuhai.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adelaide_Law_School

Already, is there a claim there for "This article or section is written like an advertisement.".

Next in the " Notable Faculty" section, there is, listed "Rosemary owens", "Bernadette Richards", and "Susan Bartie". Obviously someone has also found that there was an instance of astroturfing and has already listed the templates "This article or section is written like an advertisement" on all three pages, as well as a deletion template because it is "marketing propoganda from the university of adelaide".

On close analysis of the discussion page of Rosemary Owens:

• Delete: University of Adelaide, please stop with this marketing bullshit. As I identified here (http://groups.google.com/group/soc.culture.australian/browse_thread/thread/92abb5c5d77f0736#), the University Marketing department seems to be taking a stroll on promoting their Law lecturers to sell their classes. Wikipedia is NOT an advertising space for educational institutions.Toprooflaw (talk) 01:53, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
• delete. first she is the acting dean (we don't need no hoaxes on wikipedia), next she was "promoted" to a reader in law - are you kidding me? you're telling me this woman who encouraged research skills, is now dean? i also searched "rosemary owens" up on google, and received only 3,710 results, compared with say "richard dawkins", which had 4,620,000 results. delete this utter crap.
• spam- spam is against the law! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sincestagesince (talk • contribs) 02:13, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

On close analysis on the discussio npage of Bernadete Richards:

• Delete: University of Adelaide, please stop with this marketing bullshit. As I identified here (http://groups.google.com/group/soc.culture.australian/browse_thread/thread/33b66d90f0bac617#), the University Marketing department seems to be taking a stroll on promoting their Law lecturers to sell their classes. Wikipedia is NOT an advertising space for educational institutions.Toprooflaw (talk) 01:53, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
• delete. wikipedia is not an encyclopedia for self-promotion. a english/drama teacher belongs in school, not wikipedia. get a life. all of those associations she's apart of are also red links (they don't exist on wikipedia, because they're not famous enough).i also searched "bernadette richards" up on google, and received only a mere 639 results, compared with say "richard dawkins", which had 4,620,000 results. delete this utter crap.
• spam- spam is against the law!

On close analysis on the discussion page of Susan Bartie:

• Delete: University of Adelaide, please stop with this marketing bullshit. As I identified here (http://groups.google.com/group/soc.culture.australian/browse_thread/thread/0ab5d4e57cb66346#), the University Marketing department seems to be taking a stroll on promoting their Law lecturers to sell their classes. Wikipedia is NOT an advertising space for educational institutions.Toprooflaw (talk) 01:53, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
• delete. first she is only a lecturer, at this unknown law school. next, she was only a judge's research ASSISTANT, and then it goes on listing a few master degrees. stop wasting your time astroturfing. she is non-notable in every respect. i also searched "susan bartie" up on google, and received only 106 results, compared with say "richard dawkins", which had 4,620,000 results. delete this utter crap.
• spam- spam is against the law!

Now, it is interesting that these days even law schools would attempt to astroturf.

The word astroturf is described by Wikipedia as:

Astroturfing in American English is a neologism for formal public relations campaigns in politics and advertising which seek to create the impression of being spontaneous "grassroots" behavior, hence the reference to the artificial grass, AstroTurf

This is a clear example of a breach of law by a University, which shows just how revolting our education system is.

I am also somewhat surprised, that of all people on the staff page (http://www.law.adelaide.edu.au/about/staff/), only three people have been promoted in this campaign. Seems to me like a feminist movement within the Law school.

It was really a lot more like: Stir, stir stir! They fought over the whisk at first, but by the end, they were all too tuckered out to keep it going. So they just dug in.

After ice cream we ate lunch outside on the picnic tables...or under them.

The last bit of excitement for our day? Feeding baby cows! And this is where the screaming came in.

This should have been fairly straight forward, but the kids would do a dance that went a little something like this: 1. Dangle milk bottle a little too far away. 2. Keep backing up. 3. Try pulling milk bottle out of calf's mouth. 4. Get all kinds of slobbered on.

Finally it was time for the kids to go home and take a nap. Not necessarily in that order.

If I haven't been posting as much lately it's because I've become very engrossed in my work. I've begun a new project, and details will be forthcoming, but for now just know that I'm very motivate and can't stop working on it!

The big news in these parts today is that our new companion, Cheryl has arrived! Cheryl hails from Idaho and it turns out she actually has plenty of experience teaching English. Before coming here, she taught ESL to refugees from many different countries to had immigrated to Boisie. She has the kind of energy and enthusiasm that Mike and I haven't seen in weeks. Let's hope her classes begin before she has too much opportunity to become like us :-)

International Language Program Cibinong
Jalan Mayor Oking Jayaatmaja no 168 Ciriung, Cibinong Indonesia

This is a prestigious company which provides both corporate and individual needs for English course/training

Part Time English Teachers

ILP Cibinong is currently looking for teachers candidate who have these following criteria :

1. the candidates are either S1 fresh graduates or having D3 diploma
2. the candidates must have pleasant personalities and possess excellent spoken and written abilities in English
3. the candidates can pass the written test taken at our outlet
4. the candidates agree to have 2 years contract of employment
5. the candidates must be less than 30 years old
6. the candidates agree to join our Teacher Training Program
7. the candidates must reside either in Depok , Cibinong or Bogor

If you have the above qualities , please send your application letter to our outlet at:
ILP Cibinong
Jalan Mayor Oking Jayaatmaja no 168
Ciriung, Cibinong.

Penutupan 10/23/2008

]]> http://raydxp.wordpress.com/?p=114 Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:30:06 +0000 raydxp http://raydxp.wordpress.com/2008/09/17/i-gotta-get-used-to-this/

...this as in cancelled classes in college. My english teacher just came into class today and literally said, "Hi guys. So I have a huge headache right now. Would I be a terrible teacher if I told you guys to just go home and work on your drafts?" We all gave her a hug and left loL.

BTW the picture above doesn't look like my teacher. I think she'd be seriously offended if she somehow came upon my Wordpress and saw that loL.

For the most part it hasn't changed all that much. I still catch the bus at 07:30, and get to school before 08:00. I still (officially) teach 22 lessons a week. But the teaching thing is a lot easier. My delusions of grandeur have been refined by the reality of classes of 35 students, many of whom can't even read English, nevermind understand a word I'm saying. And the excitement of having a new foreign teacher has thankfully subsided. Being the centre of attention wherever you go gets old VERY quickly.

So now my days generally look like this: get into the office at 08:00. Check my emails, do some prep for classes and generally settle in for the day. Depending on the day I'll teach two to three lessons before lunch. But, depending on the level of the students and the co-teacher, these lessons may range from real language classes, to simple vocabulary lessons, to me playing the much sought after role of walking CD-player.

Lunch happens at 12:20, and afterwards I head back to the office to do whatever admin, prep or websurfing catches my eye. Lunchtime ends at 13:10, and then we have two to three more lessons, depending on the day. I usually don't teach more than two of these.

The normal school lessons end at 15:10, and then the kids clean the school. I still get a kick out of that, even after six months. Then I spend the rest of the day doing prep or admin or whatever, until 16:30 when I can go home. And that, as humdrum as it sounds, is pretty much an average day. Not too bad, huh?

(You won't believe how careless I've become my dear best friend! :-P )

By the way, the Christian person I talked about in this text is my old English teacher!

كان ذلك قبل سنين عدة، عندما شعرت بالأسى على حالي، بل حالنا، وقد نسينا ما قد علموه إيانا باللسان مذ نعومة أظافرنا، وأما أن نطبق ما قد علمونا إياه بالفعل ويطبقه الذي علمنا فهو أمر ما راجعناه حتى في أنفسنا...

"أليس من المخزي أن أسمع من إحدى المعارف الأجنبيات المسيحيات أمراً يتعلق بديني، هي تذكرني بأهميته وأنا قد مسحته من ذاكرتي؟

"صيام شهر رمضان لكم أنتم المسلمون قد فرض لكي تشعروا بمعاناة غيركم، لكي تستطعوا السيطرة على أنفسكم... أوليس عليه أن يعلمكم طوال يومكم أن عليكم أن تقفوا عند رغبتكم لكي تشعروا بما شعره الكثيرون غيركم، قبلكم، وبعدكم..." انتهى...

ما كانت تلمح إليه وقد ذكرته لي، أنها تستغرب وتشمئز من تصرفاتنا في شهر رمضان، ندعي الكثير ونعمل بالقليل إن عملنا بشيء منه... والمثل على ذلك ما نفعله عند الإفطار وهو من أبين الأمور:

"كلوا واشربوا ولا تسرفوا، إن الله لا يحب المسرفين "، ماذا نرى في هذه الآية؟ آية صريحة، لا نحتاج إلى قراءة ما بين السطور لكي نفهمها، آية موجهة لكل فرد منا. أوليست آية من المفترض أن نرى التطبيق العملي لها في شهر رمضان، حيث يضع الإنسان حداً لبعض شهواته الدنيوية، لكي يعرف ما معنى أن تحب شيئاً ولا تملكه، أن ترى شيئاً ولا تستطيع لمسه؟ هذا هو ما يعانيه الكثيرون في العالم، وهو من أهم ما نستدركه مع مرور أيام شهر رمضان... ولكن... ماذا بنا فاعلين؟

أضحى الشهر شهراً ننتظره بعدّ دقات الساعة لكي نتذوق الأكلات الشهية... لكي تتنوع الأطباق على مائدة الإفطار... لكي يتبقى منه الكثير ويلقى بالكثير، وهنالك من يقف خارج الدار، من قريب أو بعيد، يسأل ربه أن يعينه على يومه ويرزقه من رزقه الحلال... يسأله أن يجد مسألته عند عباد الله الصالحين من الصائمين وممن يستطيع إطعام نفسه وغيره، وها نحن في بيوتنا، أفكرنا بهم؟

إن كان علينا تعلم شيء واحد في هذا الشهر، فهو أن نوقف أنفسنا عندما تجتاح بنا الرغبات، لا لكي نعود بأسوأ مما كنا، نفعلها بإفراط بعد أن امتنعنا منها لساعات معدودات، فرضاً منا أن ذلك هو ثواب صبرنا: أن نعطى أكثر مما كنا نرغب... لا ثم لا... الثواب هو قدرتنا على التحكم في أنفسنا والاستمرار في ذلك حتى بعد انتهاء المحنة... أن نتعلم من الدرس ونطبقه، لا أن نرجع إلى نقطة الصفر بل وأسفل من ذلك...

نرجو ذلك... مجرد رجاء؟ من الله التوفيق:

دعاء اليوم الثامن

اللهم ارزقني فيه رحمة الأيتام
وإطعام الطعام
وإفشاء السلام
وصحبة الكرام
بطولك يا ملجأ الآملين

Wishing For Him... To Keep His Most Important Value; His Patience...

Dedicated To Him!

Dibutuhkan Segera..

English Teacher

Persyaratan Umum
- Pria/Wanita usia maksimum 28 tahun
- Minimal D3
- Lulusan Pendidikan Keguruan lebih disukai
- Lancar berbahasa Inggris lisan dan tulisan
- Pengalaman mengajar min. 1 th

Persyaratan Khusus
- Mampu membawakan fun learning method
- Menyukai dunia anak-anak
- Berdomisili di BSD dan sekitarnya

Pelamar harap mengirimkan surat lamaran lengkap ditujukan ke :
Ruko Malibu blok B no 2, Jl. Pahlawan Seribu Tangerang 15322
Telp : (021)585 8863 (Bp. Riza/Bp Alex/ Bp. Totok)
email fahrulriza@edutimes.org

The way he taught us was different from other teachers. His teaching was focused on reading. Grammar was taught implicitly by means of CLASSIFIED NOTES.

He provided the class with various types of interesting reading texts: poems, stories, biography, and many others. I still remember some texts such as: The Origin of the Word "Salt", a poem -- I forget the title but it begins with "The night has thousands eyes, the day but one ..."

Now I think his approach in teaching was inherited from Grammar Translation Method tradition. As I told you, he used THE CLASSIFIED NOTES to teach grammar. The idea of the notes is simple. The students should write examples of certain grammar points found in the reading texts in the classified notes. It was called classified notes because each page in our notebook had a heading--referring to a certan grammar item such as: SIMPLE PRESENT TENSE, SIMPLE PAST TENSE, RELATIVE CLAUSES, CONDITIONAL TYPE 1, etc.

By writing the examples in the correct pages, students learned the grammar.

That's about my teacher.

UTEC, a newly brand of English Institution in Bekasi - Indonesia, requires English Teachers.

Requirements:

1. Male/Female
2. Bachelor Degree
3. 2 years teaching experience
4. Excellent English both written and spokenOther Requirements:
1. Good interpersonal skills, personality and manner
2. Professional integrity
3. Dynamic educators, ready to work in team and work under supervision
4. Patient, cheerful, energetic, self motivated, people oriented
5. Love children

Please submit your Application Letter and Curriculum Vitae no later than 30 September 2008 to info@tripilarmesra.com.

]]> http://suzanneboswell.wordpress.com/?p=203 Sun, 31 Aug 2008 20:53:06 +0000 Suzanne http://suzanneboswell.wordpress.com/2008/08/31/me-and-my-english-teacher-try-to-talk-good-sic/ Which sentence of each following pair sounds best:

Me and Nancy watch Spot run .... Nancy and I watch Spot run.
(I watch Spot run.  Nancy watches Spot run.  Therefore ...Nancy and I watch Spot run)

Me and her play jacks ... She and I play jacks
(She plays jacks.  I play jacks.  Therefore, she and I play jacks.)

Parents ... you're role models for your children.  Listen to yourself and to them!  Don't let them go to job interviews using sloppy language.

Teachers ... you're the most important role models of all.  If students hear this verbiage in the classroom and they don't know better, they are likely to deem it correct.  This perpetuates our on-going decline of the English language and increases a general sloppiness in how we express themselves.

Furthermore ... reference this: http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/myself.html

Whew, I feel better. 

This is just a bugaboo of mine.  But for those true grammarians out there, I know I'm a target now and that's okay.  So help me out.  I'm teachable and I welcome the feedback.  :-)

I've been teaching high school English for about six years now.  Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it.  I hoped McCourt's memoir detailing his experiences as an English teacher for thirty years would serve inspirational and motivate me to press on.  It didn't.

I think it's because of this that the book rather succeeds.  He doesn't pull any punches.  He talks about how teaching can completely wear you away to a shadow of your former self, but he also talks about those triumphs that occasionally take place in the classroom.  Best of all, he doesn't give a fairy tale version of what teaching is like.  He doesn't pretend he was super-teacher with no personal problems of his own.  In fact, he is quite candid in talking about affairs and other inappropriate behavior, both in and out of the classroom.

I know memoirs can be juiced up a bit, but I think this is about as true to life as a memoir can get for a retired teacher looking back over a thirty year career.  I think everyone should read this book to, if nothing else, get some idea of what it's like to be on the other side of the desk. 

But, prepare yourself-McCourt candy coats nothing.

I get up about 7:30 or so and do some devotions and maybe some reading.   I usually go run around in the basement of the seminary where I am living for 20 minutes and then eat some cereal for breakfast.  Then depending on the day I do some sort of work until evening.  In the evening, one of the missionaries either has the mission team from England to their house or brings dinner to the seminary.  They talk about what brought them to the mission field and their role here in Mexico City.  I have been tagging along because I like food and also am interested in their stories.  After dinner I usually hang out with the English team in my apartment and we play games and talk.

The English team is 5 people strong.  Their leader is returning next year with his wife to be permanent missionaries.  I really enjoy being with them a lot.  They are funny and I enjoy listening to their accents.  I don't know if they lack lightning storms in England, but about every night we have a large thunder storm with much lightning and they always get really excited and stand by the windows giggling in their accents.  The windows in the seminary aren't really water proof so every night when it rains my room floods.  I have devised a series of levies to divert the water away from my bed however tonight the storm was especially wet and my bed became a sponge.  The lightning also knocked out the internet so today we finally got it going again.

This evening the Mexico City Field Director (Christian) brought his family and dinner over.  It was really nice to hear their story.  During the talk I had to think that I have not been cut out for full time missions but I will continue to mull it over.

Throughout the days I have been learning more about OMS and what they are doing here in Mexico.  One thing I think they are doing really well is working at enabling the local Mexicans to reach their neighbors.  Instead of moving here from a foreign country and trying to make the Mexicans do Christianity their way, OMS is partnering with the local national church and helping them mature, develop and spread throughout the city and region.

Another project being worked on here is the ‘Drop in Center.'  From my understanding along the metro line at each stop there seems to be large groups of kids who live on the streets (kindof like gangs).  They are called the ‘street kids.'  OMS and the National Church is working at building a place where the kids can come drop in, get a shower, some food and have a place to belong.  Since arriving, I have been there a few times to help in the building process.

Last Friday I attended a home church about an hour away.  Colleen and I went over a couple hours early and picked up two women and we handed out some church pamphlets to people.  Then church started and it was pretty nice.  There were lots of little kids and we even had a new person come with her 2 girls.  After the service we had some tomales and cake because it was one of the boys birthdays.  Every Wednesday and Friday from now until I leave I am going to be taking a bus to the home to teach English.  Honestly I am pretty nervous about it.  First of all, I don't know if I can find the place by bus, it is probably and hour and a half away.  Secondly, I don't know very much Spanish and they know very little English so teaching will be very difficult.  This is not even taking into account I have never taught English.  I guess I will have to be using lots of charades.  Please pray that it goes well.

Today Colleen and I found that our cash on hand doesn't match what our accounting system says we should have.  I'm afraid I have caused the problem.  Now we have to go through all the transactions I have posted in the past couple days trying to find the error.

We spent the morning as we usually do during field trips, corralling kids around a small area and viciously crushing their curiosity, not allowing them to touch or spend time with anything.

I take that back. This time they did get to play a game of sorts, in which they were to collect cans from these shelves and turn them into a cashier, from whom they would receive a coin. With said magical coin, they could play a video game for approximately 1.6 minutes.

The take away? My kids and I don't particularly love can, but apparently somebody does.

PRINCE
Jl. Baharudin No. 8, Tangerang 15111 Indonesia

PRINCE'S Creative School adalah Sekolah Swasta Nasional yang berlokasi di Tangerang. PRINCE'S Creative School terdiri dari Kelompok Bermain, Taman Kanak-kanak, Sekolah Dasar dan Sekolah Menengah Pertama; yang menganut konsep Multi-Skills, Multi-Religions & Multi-Cultural; serta mengaplikasikan konsep East Meets West.

English Teacher

Deskripsi Pekerjaan
Full Time English Teacher (Bogor)
* Teaching children, teenagers & adults
* Interactive teaching
* Conversation Class
* Status Permanent Position
* Penutupan 08/31/2008

]]> http://naptimewriting.wordpress.com/?p=162 Thu, 14 Aug 2008 06:24:22 +0000 naptimewriting http://naptimewriting.wordpress.com/2008/08/13/wait-before-you-send-out-your-holiday-cards/ Dear friends,

I know this is a busy time of year for you. From the looks of last year's holiday card, you start around now with the drafting of your family's newsletter and photo-taking. I do love the updates. And the pictures. Whew! I can't believe it's been another year, but there's the proof: pictures of kids I've never met and never agreed to be friends with, and not so much as the hint of your presence anywhere in your own family. Keep 'em coming!

Anyway, here's the reason I'm writing: I can tell from the obvious time and energy that goes into your holiday extravaganza of correspondence that you send cards to a lot of people. And in so doing, you're perpetuating a bit of a linguistic problem. So many look up to you that I'm hoping you can help me turn the tide back in favor of correct and precise language.

The thing is, your name and your family's name fall into a certain category of words--those that take an "s" to become plural. And they take an apostrophe-ess when the singular becomes possessive. But, and here's the kicker, when the plural of your name becomes a possessive, it takes an ess-apostrophe. I know that sounds like silly book-learnin' talk, so let me break it down for you. I won't use those pesky Smiths as an example. We've all had enough of them. They are just trying to keep up with the Joneses. But that's another letter.

If your name, for the sake of argument, were Harkin, then you would be Sally Harkin. You know that, I know. Here's where it gets trickier. If you owned a pencil, it would be Sally Harkin's pencil. If, let's be bold here, you had a family tailing behind you at some or most occasions, they would be Sally Harkin's family. But if we're talking about the whole family, you are The Harkins. And if your whole family has something tailing behind you at some or most occasions, like maybe a dog or a car or a genuinely wrong-headed political view, it would be the Harkins' dog, Harkins' car, and Harkins' political ignorance.

So your holiday cards should not say The Harkin's. Or From the Harkins'. They should say The Harkins. From The Harkins. Apostrophes are just not necessary. In fact, they're kind of out of place in a family as full as yours. You have enough creatures roaming around within the confines of your family home that you don't need extra apostrophes cluttering things up.

Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't as egregious as "10 items or fewer," which none of the markets in my area seems to choose, favoring instead the "10 items or less" that is ruining our society. No, no. Your extra apostrophe is only problematic because, as I mentioned before, so many look up to you as an example. They, to be more like you, are adding apostrophes to their names, too. It's similar to the phenomenon where someone, somewhere, saw CDs and DVDs and thought they looked too bare without punctuation. So every company and catalog starts listing CD's and DVD's, neither of which is really what they mean. Unless they are speaking of the CD's songs and the DVD's menus. Then, sure, bring on the apostrophe. But a spindle of CDs and a collection of DVDs? Plain, please, without the apostrophe a la mode.

Please forgive my trespass on this one. But if you don't mind, please, let your friends the Traxes know about that whole superfluous and really rather appallingly incorrect apostrophe thing, too. Because Annie Trax thinks that when her family gets together they are The Trax's. And I just know I can't send her this letter. She's not as evolved as you. She couldn't bear to know that The Traxes' winter mailings are taxing our circle's good nature. For that matter, she couldn't bear to know that her family's good qualities, fine china, and dreadful children, should be labeled Traxes'. I'm sure you can convey it, with your usual wit and charm. Maybe something in your massive December 1 mailing?

Have a great week, dearie. I'll let you go, for I'm sure you have to pick out your Thanksgiving decor AND start making the New Year's favors this month. All my best!

Your friend,

Millicent Fussbudget

Please excuse the intrusion into your personal life, but the sign outside your home beckoned. It made me feel at home, if not in a literal sense, at least comfortable enough to be honest with you.

I just want to let you know that the education system has failed you. I'm not sure whom to blame, but someone, surely, should have told you that, if your last name is Jones, then your family is The Joneses. And if you own a house all by yourself, and people call you Jones, then you can put a sign outside that says Jones's. Otherwise, if more than one of you resides in your house, please, for the name of all that is sacred in the English language, if you must put out a sign, make sure it says, Joneses'. Now that you see how silly it looks, maybe you'll flashback to the day you actually paid someone to burn Jones' on that scrap of redwood burl

Better yet, please don't decorate your home with your name. Or that tacky, glittery flag you put out every month. Nobody needs a flag to know it's leaf season.

Your presence in this neighborhood means so much, and it would be just lovely of you to correct the aforementioned sign. Thanks ever so much, and keep up the over-watered, pesticide- and herbicide-laden gardening. The local children, pets, and wildlife thank you.

Sincerely,

Your Neighbor

However, the "teaching dreams" have plagued me for the past few weeks (for those not in the know, this is similar to the "actor's nightmare," but in this case you find yourself in front of a class of students with no lesson plan, no idea what to lecture on, and no idea of how long of a time you have to teach), and now I sit eyeing a stack of lessons, textbooks, and a syllabus needing revision.  With coffee brewing and poured generously into my Shakespeare mug, it's time to get back to work.  As I take a deep breath, I quote the mantra from Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: "DON'T PANIC!"