It is September.

"What we need in autoumn is an emotional or spiritual shot in the arm."

Katharine Elizabeth Fit wrote that in Good Housekeeping in 1949, encouraging woman to embrace personal and positive resolutions in September. (What I love about being the Editor of Single Parent Magazine is all the great reading I get to do in the name of article and content research).

I will always remember this summer, the summer of 2008, as the summer I fell in love. I fell in love with the most beautiful man, flesh and spirit, I have ever met.  Now, with the start of fall and so much to look forward to as we begin a life nearer to one another (he is leaving England and moving back to the states in 2.5 weeks!) I am thinking about how to prepare for the next stage of my life.

The only place I know to start is within, reflecting on spiritual matters, preparing a new hallowed ground to share with another. September, for me, will be a spiritual shot in the arm.

My faith has always been an intensely personal affair. The seeking to be close to something greater than myself and to understand the meaning of being here, has propelled me forward since the moment my dad first pointed out the vastness and mystery of the night sky. So many stars! So much space! How could I have never noticed all that twinkling beauty before! Attempts to understand and find myself within religion, however have always been mildly disappointing at best and cruelly alienating at worst.

The care and feeding of the soul, my soul and others, is something I hold so sacred and dear, I don't often share it with others.  I can share it with Lucca, singing prayers at naptime or sitting quietly outside with my palms open and resting on my knees as he dances around me, but sharing it anywhere else has felt entirely too vulnerable and scary.

But sharing it is what I want to learn to do; because sharing it is how I will prepare for the next stage of my life.

My Man in Moseley, the man I absolutely dream of sitting next to on a rocker when we are 105, has the most authentic faith of anyone I have ever met. It is inspiring and raw, peace-bringing and real. To share this beautiful world with him and to allow him into this sacred inner circle of Lucca and I, means I will have to spend some time alone, in prayer.

There are things I must learn to trust again and doors I shut that I want to reopen. A single mom learns a lot of ways to stregnthen herself and protect her child, but not all walls that gaurd her are meant to stay.

My prayer for autumn is the courage to revisit my faith and perhaps to allow for an entirely new relationship to begin with God.

Sara Ban Breathnach in her book, Simple Abundance, shares this with us for the first of September,

"When the leaves start turning colors, it's time for turning over a personal new leaf so that our lives may be restored."

She invites us to make "autumnal resolutions," different than January's resolution in that they are not about will, but about authentic wants. I invite you to reflect on it too. Because at the end of the day, single mom or not, in love with a Prince or not, the burgeoning life within us wants some attention.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I didn't know I was pregnant, I didn't think I was pregnant, in fact I knew it was almost impossible that I could be pregnant. But none the less people kept commenting on my belly and asking me, "Are you pregnant?"

Pregnant

Pregnant

Pregnant

Did not, do not, want to be pregnant, in real life or in my dream...

But, in the dream, after all the repeat inquiries into the speculative occupancy of my womb, I decided to take a pregnancy  test, if only to put to rest those ridiculous and rude questions. So I have I belly! I know! That doesn't mean I'm pregnant, it just means that my body does not care how restrictive the calorie count goes or intense the rebounder workouts become, it fancies womanly curves.

Except in this case, it did. I WAS pregnant. I put my hand on the top of my belly and felt an eerily familiar sensation- an alien body moving inside of me, kicking hard in fact, up near my ribs.

How was I going to explian this to my Man, my love? We had not technically, in the baby making sense, had sex yet, choosing instead to wait until marriage.  (We are intimate in a million beautiful, hot and steamy other ways...that are just ours to know about ;).

Why and how was I pregnant? My Man is going leave me for sure, I imagined. I would be a single mom, twice over, and have two different father's to my children, one of which most likely was a sperm-filled ghost that I have no recollection of copulating with.  (Side note:  Funny, a manipulative ghost is a pretty good description of L's birth father, as well).

A rush of loneliness, fear and shame came over me. It mimicked my first experience learning I was pregnant. The pain-body indeed remembers and I was flooded with memories of darker times. Just like the first time, I thought to myself, "How am I going to do this?"

As if preparing for a battle with inner demons of self-mockery and disgust, my higher self stepped up and said in no uncertain terms,

"You can handle whatever life gives you. You have proved this to yourself already and so have no fear. I am with you. Pregnant or not you are capable of anything, for I have graced your life...And by the way, your man still loves you. He does not judge you. In fact, he loves that alien baby inside of you. So snap out of it, stop smoking and drinking, and make room for a big grand change of plans."

My Man from Moseley than appeared and I looked at him with eyes that said, "Do you really still love me? You really don't think I'm a floozy for getting pregnant by some horny ghost?"

And he pulled me close and put his hand on my belly and with his warmth he said, "I love you more than ever, and I am sorry I was not there to protect you from those ghosts, but from here on out I am."

Peace swept over me. I was still not excited about sharing personal real estate with an unknown speciman, but I comforted myself with the fact that babies of all kinds are cute, and mostly this one would be too. I surrendered myself to a Bigger Plan.  And then woke up.

Turns out someone in my family IS pregnant. My sister! How crazy is it that she called to tell us that this morning? I always knew we were connected on a deep, deep level and often times my dreams reveal just how telepathic our relationship may be.

Still, I'm thinking I might pick up a pregnancy test, just to put my own mind at ease. Dreams are just dreams I know, and the likelihood of conception happening in my body is highly, highly, highly, highly, RIDICULOUSLY unlikely. But geeze, my stomach is tweaking me out now- I can't stop looking at it every time I pass by a mirror or a reflective window. It is perfectly protruding in the baby incubation zone right below the belly button. It's remniscent of about 13 weeks.

If indeed I am pregant, I am buying a power-ball ticket tonight and betting on the fact that my numbers for the 72 million jackpot will be called out tomorrow.  Easy-peasy.

How likely is it to conceive from "sort-of sex" when you have the I.U.D? (Just so you know, I'm not going to define sort-of sex for you. Something in my relationship has to be sacred and just ours. ;)

(What really makes me smile is that Lucca is our biggest fan, the you tube clip has seen 55 views, and I'm pretty sure he is responsible for 50 of them. He can't get enough of his momma (or maybe himself) on T.V. )

Toni Morrison once said, "If there is a book that you want to read that hasn't been written, you must write it."

In this modern age, I believe the same can be said for a website.

This is the sentiment that lead Clare and I to dream of iHeart. We wanted a place online that brought out the best in single parents and could be a home for people sharing a similar life experience. We all need a place for relief, for support, and for inspiration. We didn't find one out there that reflected us as single parents, so we decided to create one.

I am so grateful for Clare. It is our friendship and our collaboration that gave both of us the courage to begin building this website.
I am so grateful for all of you. You reading my blog, sharing with me your thoughts and emotions and being a part of my very special cyber family brings me so much joy and motivation to continue to make iHeart ever better than before.

7 months ago iHeart began with just two people, Clare and myself. Now it is a community of over 1000. There are millions of single parents out there. How wonderful will it be when they join us!?

It is my biggest hope that iHeart is and continues to be a community that uplifts single parents, offers light in dark places, and creates meaningful relationships that provide the kind of strength and faith that Clare's friendship has given me.

Goodness can be brought into the world. Its is already here! We just need to find a glimpse of it within ourselves and be bold enough to believe that when we share it with others it will grow in incredible ways.

Thank you so much for being on iHeart (if you aren't there yet, what are you waiting for? Go check it out!), for honoring yourself enough to know you deserve to be happy, and to feel good about who you are.

I want to hear from you....
Do you have ideas or a desire to share iHeart with the single parents in your local communities? Want to be a part of the iHeart team? Or, do you have any suggestions for where we should take things next? Please let me know.

Marilyn and Chanel No. 5

My Homage to Marilyn and Chanel No. 5

She was luminously beautiful, but she was also supremely smart, witty and courageous. I admired all those things about her. She very interested in personal growth and understanding who she was. She was bold and childlike in the best sense of the word. She had the rare quality of completely commanding a room while at the same time remaining magically vulnerable.

I love her quotes. These are a few of my favorites, for the way they capture both the incredible character of Marilyn and the introspective woman underneath:

I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it.

If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere.

I'm trying to find myself as a person, sometimes that's not easy to do. Millions of people live their entire lives without finding themselves. But it is something I must do.

I love to do the things the censors won't pass.

Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.

It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.

It's all make believe, isn't?

And one last one for all you mother's out there...Marilyn Monroe envied you:

What good is it being Marilyn Monroe? Why can't I just be an ordinary woman? A woman who can have a family ... I'd settle for just one baby. My own baby.

I wonder how her life could have turned out differently if indeed she had the chance to become a mom. I read once that she was pregnant for a time and was ecstatic about it. The movie production company she worked for made her get an abortion. I think Marilyn would have made a wonderful single mom.

One day with glutton and I already feel like crap. I had pizza. I had macaroni and cheese. I had a chocolate chip cookie. Perhaps I should go back to the rabbit diet of veggies, veggies, veggies, some meat and nuts. My taste buds might have been a bit bored, but physically and emotionally the rest of me felt great.

Despite my honest effort and dedication to half a month of no glutton, sugar and alcohol, I'm not convinced much fat-flushing went on. I'm still bouncing around with thicker thighs and a thicker middle than I would like, but I'm a woman, a mom, and soft curves might be the name of the game for these family genes from here on out. If 2 weeks without carbs and alcohol didn't budge whats there, I'm not sure what could, short of starving myself, which is not something I'm up for on a matter of principle. (Been there, done that...A 17 year old's obsession with being thin is not something I desire, nor have the time for anymore. THANK GOD!).

Here is me trying to feel better about the same number I see on the scale despite weeks of depriving myself of twizzlers, lucky-charms and red wine:

When a valiant effort has been made but the expected results are a long way off, one can either stomp their feet and pout in the corner about how unfair the world is (i said no to Twizzler's at the movies!), or raise arms and champagne bottles in celebration for staying the course and trying your best (I did try my very best).

What I did learn from all of this is that food definitely effects my mood, psyllium-husk mixed with a little warm water can turn into a glue, veggies aren't as bad as I thought as long as I take the time to prepare them, and one of god's greatest gifts to this earth is mixed nuts.

Uh Oh. My little Lucca just barfed up lots of little white chedder bunnies. It's 11pm here and for the moment he is back asleep, but we just went through an icky half hour. My pillows and sheets smell like white chedder curdled milk. Poor little guy. Is mommy next? My tummy does kinda ache. I can't tell though if its sympathy pains for him, stress about all I have to get done before I leave for my trip, nerves of excitement and anticipation to finally see Man in Moseley, or truly bad milk.

I'm not taking any chances. Tomorrow, the day before my flight (holy cow I leave the day after tomorrow!!!), I will not be touching dairy.

With all the new nuts and oils in my diet I am positively giddy. I've got that "I can conquer the world" feeling right now. Is it the Fat Flush or is it Flashdance?

Join me on this high! Enjoy some inspiration from the girl's Rocky:

What are your all-time favorite motivational songs, videos, movies? I want a back stock ready for when come down off this crazy sugar-free buzz.

I'm beginning it tomorrow.

Guess what I get to look forward to?

14 days of protein and vegetables and all the good kinds of oils you never learned about in the food pyramid. No sugar. No flour. No cigarettes. No....oh my god....no alcohol! (No coffee either, technically, but there is noooooooo way that is going work).

Today, I did the planning, the self-pep talk and the Whole Foods shopping.

I've had the book since January, read it, got psyched for the return of the pre-baby body, attempted it once, and failed miserably:

I made it a week, felt amazing, and then one pretty little pastry did me in. I thought I was strong enough to handle it and it was just so pretty- pink frosting tempting me like little vixon. One pastry turned to two, turned to twenty. I woke up in a blur of sugar and flour and said, "Where's the alcohol? F-it! This sucks!"

This time is going to be d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t. I know better now, I can't cheat, not even a smidgen. And I just spent over a hundred precious buckaroos on all the Fat Flushing necessities and so I'll be damned if that hard earned cash gets flushed down the toilet. (It will go down the toilet but only through me first!)

I've cleared out the pantry of Lucky Charms, Twizzlers and red wine and made room for a glorious shelf of herbal supplements. Here is the starting line up: Black Current Omega-3 GLA; Organic High-Lignan Flaxseed Oil; Super Milk Thistle with Dandelion Root Extract; Psyllium Husk; and Country Life's Lipotropic Formulation with Vitamin B-6, Choline, L-Carnitine L-Arginine, and a whole bunch of other L-something-or-others.

I'm rrrrrrready! I'm psyched! I already feel 10lbs svelter. (Kinda like feeling like you've already worked out when all you've done is put on a sports bra and laced your tennis shoes).

The truth is, I love the planning stage-- It always feels like I've gotten a new lease on life and the sun is shining brighter. It's days 2-14 that succccck and I wonder what the hell was I ever thinking.

This time though, I'm prepared for that resistance to come up and to mentally breakdown (lack of glucose to the brain will do that).

Here is what I'm planning to do to cope when the inner pissed- off momma wants to raid all of Lucca's snacks:

• journal, a.k.a. blog-- be prepared
• light a candle and stick my finger in the flame
• have a cigarette dammit!
• send a nasty email off to Ann Louise Gittleman, author of the Fat Flush Plan
• curl up in a ball and cry, and ask the gods take care of my son and just let me sleep until I can have my Lucky Charms again
• make crazy-woman vlogs
• pace back and forth and curse like a sailor

Sound like fun?!! Who is with me?

pppppplease some one do this with me.

Did you catch it?

The first episode of "Must Love Kids" aired tonight on TLC.

I got twitter messages all evening from the single momma blogosphere reminding me to watch, so I invited my best single momma friend to come over and join the prime-time party. We popped a take-in-bake pizza in the oven, and opened up a bottle of red wine. While the boys ran circles around each other, we delightfully tuned into the reality of three strong, self-assured, and beautiful single mommas who are jumping back in the dating game and looking for love.

All in all, the issues and highlights the show brought up weren't so different than the dating stories and conversation that iHeart members share with each other every night, but that is a good thing! We've known the world is full of sexy, successful, happy and healthy single moms, because of all the awesome members we've met on the iheart social network....but what is really cool is that more of the world will get to see single moms in this light too. (Which is very refreshing after the hate mail directed towards all single mothers MsSingleMama and I received yesterday. There are some real loonies out there!)

TLC's newest show is evidence that indeed single mother stereotype's are changing, and that the zeitgeist in American culture is shifting.

My prediction: Expect to see more single parents in the news, in the media, and in the forefront of trends, because no one knows how to embrace life like a single parent knows how to embrace life...and that is sexy.

I'm decidingly more mellow today....and more hopeful too.

It could be the brainwaves suite I'm listening to at work. Its the sounds of birds chirpping and wales singing under the ocean-- the soundscape of utopia? Perhaps.Whatever strange world its portaling me to, it's working. I'm feeling much more relaxed and "one" with both wales and birds, flaura and fauna of all kinds... and in turn, much more in tune with myself and the big, not-sooo-bad, world around me.

I dreamt last night of hitting the "reset" button of life. It was pretty cool, I woke up with a sense of renewal, hope and butterflies of encouragement. I am 28 years old and ready to really, I mean REALLY, try to become the person I've always wanted to be (more on who that is, later).

Hitting the reset button of life doesn't mean I would re-do everything, or that I regret any of the experiences that have lead me to where I am today, it just means I would start anew from where I am at with a clean emotional, mental and spiritual plate. The purpose of this metaphysical "resetting" would be so that I could be more present and less affected by the pain of the past or fears of the future. From this new ground, the goal would be to create a tomorrow for myself and my son that is more in keeping with my dreams, and less the uncontrollable bi-product of my unconscious actions and unfavorable habits.

It is an experiment. And I might fail. But.. just going down the path of transformation could be rather powerful in and of itself itself. Pretty sure if I made any progress at all it would feel pretty awesome. So, what's to loose?

Yes, I know, it's much easier to read, blog, and daydream about all of this personal development jazz then its is to actually carry out...but listen to my friend Henry David Thoreau, a transcendentalist super-hero, he's telling us to go for it anyhow:
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.

I'm going to use this blog as my accountability partner in the building of that foundation. I have my castles in the sky for sure, and if there was ever a time to start making something of them here on earth, now would be it.

As a side goal, I hope that people out there who stumble upon ModernSingleMomma, can get something out of this journey too, and maybe even be inspired to re-commit to a little personal work of their own. For starters, here is something we can all think about:

What would pressing the emotional/mental/spiritual reset button in your life mean to you?

So why create a social network for single parents?

The short answer is because an online community for single parent is needed!

The longer answer includes the fact that  connecting to other single moms and single dads is fun (who can imagine life without iheart? what did we all do at night after our kiddo's went to bed before we had eachother to engage with? =); life-affirming (the grass IS sometimes greener on the single parent side of life!); and powerful (who knew it would become such a meaningful way to change the negative stereotypes of single moms and single dads--we are showing the world what an awesome bunch of parents and hip human beings we are!)

Here is my story of how and why I came to co-create iHeartSingleParents with my best friend Clare...

When I found out I was pregnant I was definitely without proposals, plans, and/or prospects to be hitched any time soon. I knew right from the get-go I'd be doing the pregnancy thing and the parenting thing solo. IAnd let me tell you, in absolutely no capacity, except obviously biologically, was I prepared to be a single mother. Having just graduated with my Master's degree, I was up to my knees in school loans; living in southern California to pursue a career in photography I was without family or good friends; being raised on the chant "do not get pregnant! do not get pregnant! do not get pregnant until you have your life figured out!" I was absolutely a mess trying to figure out how I ended up, well, knocked up.

Needless to say, I was without financial or emotional security and the closest person who cared about me lived a thousand miles away...but still, the bun in the oven wouldn't stop cooking. And despite all that I was without, what I wasn't without with was the internet. I had my laptop, and wi-fi at my favorite cafe was free.

So what's a girl who would soon become a mom to do? Go online! Place her problems in the google search bar and hit return!

The first thing I searched for was "OBGYN, Ventura CA"

After the first appointment was made, my mind began turning about all that came next...

In terms of babies, parenting and disolving the ego and me-centered life, I knew there was a lot I needed to learn over the next 9 months and subsequent 18 years, and thank god there was books about most of that.(I think I spent my life-savings on Amazon that year). What was even scarier to me, though, was all that stuff that couldn't be neatly chaptered in a book or refrenced in a wikipedia entry. I had the knowing that there was a lot I didn't even know I would need to know and unless I found a community of people who shared in my single parentness, I would be learning everything the hard way, thru trial and error. But what is worse is that I would be doing it alone and slowly losing my sanity.

Not knowing where I could go to replace the comfort and support of having a spouse, a good friend, mentor, or kind stranger, I turned to google again and this time typed in "Single Parent Community."

The results were sadly disappointing. What came up was a ton of dating service sites (as if! who can think of romance when everything in your life is being turned upside down....thanks, um, to well, sex!) and single mother grant hogwash ( sure you want to give me an easy $20, 000 because I'm going to be a single mother? Why am I finding it so hard to trust you....hmmm maybe because you are full of $#@&!- a word I can't say around my unborn baby).

I could not for the life of me find one current, hip, give-me-hope-when-hope-is-gone, resourceful, single parent dedicated website out there. Not one. I found some amazing single parent blogs, but was still hungry for one united front!

When I had my moment of revelation that I was going to be a single mom and, yes, life as I knew it was going to change forever, I also made a commitment and promise to myself that I was going to be the coolest single mom out there--a truly modern single parent-- striving for balance in my own life and my life as a mother. I would never drive a mini-van, or wear mom jeans; I would continue to dance on tables at karaoke bars and travel the world; I would learn how to put on make up while singing the ABC's and bouncing a toddler on my hip; I would practice dating without having sex (practice...i said "practice"- we all need a little wiggle room, but now the wiggle room would definitely come with a child-proof latch, (big smile)).

After I had my son I continued my search for single parent communities online and cool websites that offered helpful advice and valuable information. I was also building my own photography businesses and staying true to my vision of being "the modern single parent."  I started my Modern Single Momma blog and was so enjoying reading other single parent blogs (like SingleMomSeeking and MsSingleMama and DadsHouse) Still, I was unsatisfied by the lack of united, relevant, and uplifting websites for 'our kind.' I envisioned a place like MySpace, minus all the hoochi pics and spamers, and dedicated just to single parents 'living the dream.' I envisioned a place that could highlight awesome bloggers who share such entertaining and informative single parent related material, not only to help them get the word out about their writing but also to create a national voice for hip single moms and single dads that could change the old stereotypes.

The call to create a website that reflected the fun, sexy, joyful side of single parenthood came from within and would not leave me alone until I set out to do something about it. SingleParentSpecials was born to offer perks to the single parent and encourage single moms and single dads to get out and enjoy the good life in their cities and start living their happily ever nows. What quickly followed was the idea and desire to create a social network to bring hip single moms and single dads together in an authentic and modern way.

My good friend, Clare, also a single mother, shared an equal passion for reaching out and revamping the online scene for single parents. Sharing a common desire and vision, we decided to team up so we could give single parents across the world what we wish we had from the very beginning-- a place to connect to other cool single parents and embrace the single parent lifestyle for everything it is--it's ups and downs, twist and turns, follies and joys.

Thanks to you all, our vision for iHeart is swifty expanding and we have big plans to offer you even more in terms of ability to connect with eachother, share resources, tips/advice, simplify your life, and uplift your spirits! Our dream is to create THE go-to spot for single parents on the web and to give a voice to all the rockin' single moms and dads out there.

I have a feeling this is going to be huge because not only is it needed, but because those old negative stereotypes of what it means to be a single mom or single dad are way outdated and a shift in consciousness is taking place. iHeart embraces this new vision of single parenthood and joining together we can spread the word to support, elevate and inspire single parents everywhere!

I would love to hear your feedback, comments and any ideas you have to help us reach more single parents who would enjoy being a part of this amazing community.

Landmines

down the steps
out into the sunshine
into the chemical mist
unexpected, deadly, unseen
taking with it
a life once fully lived

the landscape forever changed
the world no longer
welcoming
with days spent
dodging chemical landmines
and the stupidity
of the unaffected

kfitzpatrick
7/9/06

Road Rage

Terminally nice,
perpetually kind
some mistook her
for a door mat
but inside she
was road rage
filled with a
burning desire
to duct tape
her breasts
and dress up
like a
playboy bunny
kn/2004

Harbinger

Walking on automatic pilot
he steps from curb to street
crushed by the weight of expectation
and the front end of a Dodge Caravan

On the other side of the world
a soldier picks up his weapon
firing into reciprocity
as a small boy
elated by grades and
happy mommy thoughts
forgot fear
and took a bullet

Three womyn standing
each at their own kitchen sink
as sirens roar down
blood soaked streets
as the harbinger
knocks at each door
your son is dead

Kn/2004

As parents we will always tell our children "I believe in you."

I remember my own parents shouting from the stands at my gymnastic meets, "You can do it!"

And how could we forget that unforgettable phrase from the Little Engine That Could who agreed to try his best when faced with an impossible task: "I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!"

The popularity of the book The Secret has brought the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction to the fore front of popular culture, (Thank you, Oprah's book club!).

Here is the question I have been asking myself...now that the "secret" is out and all of us have access to the "genie in the lamp," as James Ray would say...why isn't every single one of us isn't living our best life ever?

Its actually began as more of a personal question...now that I am aware of my personal power (I read the book, watched the movie and played and replayed the inspiring you tube montage a dozen times), why am I not living my best life ever? I couldn't answer it, and so I put myself on a quest.

These remedies can be used for many different circumstances, are non-invasive and complement other practices by addressing the psycho-spiritual issues that may be underlying a multitude of health issues. Flower essences build a bridge between the realms of body and soul. They do not replace meditation, jouranl writing, a healthy diet, or excercise, but they do help stimulate a greater awareness of our inner life.

As you can see, i've been reading all about them. I'm interested in anything i can make from the world growing right outside my back door. So far i've made the following remedies;

Trumpet Vine- Assists in soul expression. It gives a person condifidence to speak his/her truth. It is also an aid for those wishing to channel and also aids those wishing to learn a new language.

Daisy- The flower essence equivelent to the homeopathic remedy Arnica. For shocks, sprains, bleeding, body trauma and and emotional trauma. It will enable a person to feel alive and remember how to have fun. It brings joy into one's life.

Pansy- Of all the plant essences this one works on a physical level. It aids in the elimination of toxins. Is often used to rid the body of loss and grief. It helps build a better body which is more adaptable to life's changes.

Spirea- to balance and be in command of one's temper.

Day lily- is the essence of self-worth. It helps one trust our inner knowledge and improves self-esteem.

Petunia- this is the essence for the dreamer. It helps make dreams into reality, and makes anything a possibility.

Phlox- the essence of the inner child, joy and playfulness. It encourages one to call out and sing and be merry.

Hosta- helps create a sense of purpose in one's life. Helps in meditation by allowing one to relax during diffiuclt therapy.

Feverfew- Releases built up emotions and energy

Sunflower- Sunflower is best used when one is depressed and needs a bit of sunshine [especially during winter months]. It is the essence of solar energy because it is invigorating and holds the power and properties of the sun.

Pink Rose- for those not grounded in their bodies, they have trouble being in their bodies even neglecting physical and emotional health. This essence helps one to use their spiritual awareness to recognize the need to become aware of and take care of their bodies needs and to feel comfortable as an incarnate spirit on earth.

Salmon Rose- Releasing dysfunctional emotional sexual energy from the body.

Monarta [bee balm]- reminds us of that which we were passionate about before life came to revolve around a healing trauma.

I also made a Smokey Quartz essence for grounding to the earth.

I've made a couple other ones but have long since forgotten the names of the flowers so i need to look them up! It's been an interesting journey. Today as i went out to bottle some new ones up Zim [my cat] decided to check it out and her tail went splish splashing in the pink rose essence! Yikes! Since i wasn't sure what it would do to the essence i decided to give it back to the earth, but not before i drank a bit of it. I was surprised to find it had a very subtle taste of rose to it and was really very, very good. And since my friends call me "Kat" the "cat" part would be just fine so i drank most of it down before giving it back to the roses. Today i created and drank smokey quartz essence along with hosta, sunflower [i think], and phlox. I hope to create a flower essence from every flower or blossom in my yard. Yes, this is my new OCD! More later, pariah

Today more than ever, these simple acts of survival are perpetuating the use of radical knowledge, subversion, frugality and creative expression. There is a satisfaction from crafting my own medicine, from growing my own food whether it's sprouts on the kitchen counter or food in my backyard garden. There is a feeling of empowerment that can be used to promote a collective awareness against the tactics used by modern megacorporations. There is deep pleasure in going against the political grain, of following the beat of my own heart instead of the beat of an institution that is failing us.

We have a right to time honored simple healing. A right constantly under assault against indigenous people all over the world. An assault that takes place in this country against any practicing doctor or healer who dares speak out against those in power. Good health isn't just for the rich or those lucky enough to have insurance. It's for everyone. When we take our health back into our own two hands, where it belongs, we take back a part of the earth. And as we heal, so heals the earth. ]]>