Forgive my memory, I am trying to replicate a few questions Susanna (Winona Ryder) asks as the film, Girl Interrupted, opens. Through the film, you travel with Susanna into the asylum, feeling like a misfit. And soon enough, along with Susanna you start thinking that these girls are normal. They have their quirks but what’s wrong with that?

She has Lisa (Angelina Jolie) to keep her cosy in the walls of the asylum, far far away from the world. Just as you begin to realise Lisa’s game, you begin to realise that we’re always surrounded by numerous Lisa’s in our own lives. We resist change, criticise it, only to get cosy in its shadow. We deny ourselves another change, we deny knowing that it is not right to get comfortable. Few of us recognise Lisa’s game and still consciously make a change and confront the Lisa.

The truth is all of us are insane. But we’re hypocrites. This hypocrisy protects us from being labelled ‘unstable’. We unleash our insanities in the safety of solitude. We lean obsessively, eat compulsively, exercise compulsively, get abusive on ourselves and out in the open world, we are just normal, smiling as if there’s not a spot of worry in our lives.

But then there are those innocent victims of the society, who accept and live with their insanity, they aren’t scared of being insane to the outside world. They do what they want, and live how they want and we, we hypocrites label them ‘unstable’, segregate them and send them away. Their minds are highly receptive and they can sense that they’re unwanted for being truthful and they further degenerate. They lose control of their sensibility and become a magnified version of themselves. And to us, they are just MAD, mental, insane, crazy…

I am almost comfortable with my madness, but are you?

PS: This post is an after effect of intense conversations with the brother, 100 repeats of Comfortably Numb on iTunes, some walks along five gardens and a late night viewing of the movie, Girl Interrupted. Excuse the lows of the compulsivewriter!

ca·thar·sis /kəˈθɑrsɪs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuh-thahr-sis]

1.the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, esp. through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

also

1. A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.
2. A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.

..Cathartic. I never realized how much so until today. After all of these years of writing endlessly, I never trully understood why.. now I do. It's like an epiphany. And it feels better than anything else.

Recently (recently as in, three hours ago) I have decided that no, it is not worth it. What is "it", you may be asking? Ah, yes. A man. We shall call him X (how original, I know). He motiviated me to get fit, upon which I embarkd on a new fitness routine. Working out for 30 minutes twice a day and eating less (sounds easy, right? It's not. But the results keep you going!) needless to day, it is not so simple when you're flying across the globe and changing time zones more often than you change your panties. --wait-- does that make sense? ANYWAY. I'm really into him and he, apparently, is really into me. Now I know, I know what I said about romance and it stil does make me nauseus. Even more so now that I really like X. But there are problems. Most of them probably stem from me and my need for instant gratificiation, wanting something and wanting it now. Not later, not tomorrow, not next week or when you get your next check, but immediately, g-ddamnit!

So, he's my AOBoyfriend. Goodlooking, smart, funny, whatever. The norm, right? All of the qualities I find attractive. Obviously it's long distance. When we first met we talked on the phone for 10 hours. Straight. I kid you not. We have been talking daily for two+ hours a day for a month now. He makes me happy, but less so now. Perhaps, though, it's by no fault of my own? Ugh. I don't even know how to elucidate any more clearly because it 3:03 am here in Ireland and I have to be downstairs at 7:50 am and I cannot go back to sleep. Let me try this again.

This is what I want:

1. You care about me? You like me? Show me. (send me an email, flowers, something ANYTHING)

2. Notice the little things that I do to make you feel special.(i.e. sending you cute ecards unprompted, saying how special you are, gushing over your small accomplishments, etc)
3. Be consistent. Consistent with what you say, what you do. (if you call me at 8pm and talk til midnight, keep doing it.)
4. Communicate. Man-up and work it out. (Don't walk away when I'm sad or hurting or angry)

In my opinion, this is very little ask for. Yet, I feel as though I'm not receiving it in return. He never asks me questions, whenever I mention Brown he tells me what a shitty school it is and that it doesn't offer many classes-- wtf? Nothing I do is ever wonderful or great, he glosses over my small accomplishments but can rant on for hours about his day. When he asks about mine, my sentences are cut off. When I try to confront him about it, I'm left feeling like the idiot. Keep in mind this is all very much how I feel. To the objective viewer/reader/listener it may appear wholly different.

So today, after he had not called for 24 hours, he called to say his bowflex arrived and he was sore from assembling it and he was sorry he didn't call but he was spending time with his parents because his degernerate older brother is moving back in. Um. Ok. Couldn't you have sent an email? A Myspace message? Left a voicemail? What gives? So following our 8 minute and 13 second phone call I was livid. My ire yeilded itself to an epiphany:

risk and return. Simple investment practices. If I invest in a company but see no return, why should I continue to invest? Quite literally: I'm the one paying for my phone bill. I'm the one sending him postcards from Europe, I'm the one who decided to get a personal trainer. Me. Where is my return?

Define: return.

-In this context, I am defining return as the emotional reward. Appreciation. Does he care that I went to an ivy league school? Does he appreciate that I am educated? That I do little things to make him feel special? If so, I cannot tell. He may say he loves me, he adores me, etc, but actions, as always, speak so much louder than words. I hear what X is saying but I cannot see it.

As an investor, you look for perks when investing in a company. What are my benefits? Privileges? I'm a shareholder and have voting rights.. Where are my voting rights with X? Why must I always be left feeling angry and unable to voice my concerns?

A gopher could discern that clearly, I am dissatisfied. I want more. I want more than 948483992 phone calls a day, I want more than "I adore you". .. and I don't know what to do. I'm angry that he even bothered to call. Now that I'm writing about it and revisitng that anger I'm even MORE annoyed. So, I'm trying to keep myself from writing him an angry email that I know I will regret but I'm feeling more inclined with each keystroke.

Damnit, I am so angry! All I want is to be LOVED! I'm screaming, LOVE ME! But the only thing I get in response is the echo of my own voice.

ARGH!!!!! I just want to rip my hair out!!!!!!!!!

"Learning to deal with stress is one the best ways to stay healthy. The inability to resolve stress can result in chronic pain or sickness. The body system that controls reactions to stress, the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis is linked to the immune system and a number of other areas that can affect day-to-day well being. The Hypothalamus is located just above the brain stem…The Pituitary Gland is under the Hypothalamus…And the Adrenal Glands are on top of the kidneys. The processes of each organ rely on the others in a cycle. If one portion of the cycle has a problem, the entire cycle may have a problem. Insomnia, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or other health problems can be the result. Stress management tactics can help avoid such issues.

I recommend expressing healthy anger. Battling Dr. Robotnik is certainly stressful so I often taunt him to make myself feel better. Experts list other ways to deal with stress as well:

1) Seeking out others with Similar Issues – My buddy Knux has had a few run-ins with eggman

2) Find a Hobby – Tails likes to work on his airplane, the tornado

3) Use a Mantra – I am the fastest thing alive…I am the fastest thing alive

4) Take a deep breath and count to ten – This works at the worst of times

5) Read a Book – I think a comic would do

6) Space out or use your imagination – (Hum)

7) Make Plans – One day I will defeat Eggman for good

Stress doesn’t have to last, Let it stay in the past."

I’ve been making many changes in my life recently and as a result, have let go of a number of relationships that either weren’t supportive or just weren’t working anymore.  I have been grieving these losses.  I am also planning a likely move to a new town and have begun grieving that change and the increased distance from the people I love in this town.  There have been times, like tonight, when I struggle with feeling overwhelmed and stuck by this grief I am experiencing.  It is usually in these times of overwhelm and stuckness that all the “what ifs” and “if onlys” and “should haves” rear their ugly heads and stampede my mind.  The dust kicked up by this stampede seems to blind me to that light on the other side of grief and to the inner knowledge that I will make it though and, indeed, I will thrive.  

So, what to do when the light goes out (or drastically dims) and there seems no end it sight?

Keep breathing.

Seriously.  In and out.

One of the beautiful things about this life that we lead is that nothing is ever truly static or stuck.  Every single thing on this planet - human, animal, plant, object - is at its most elemental core, constantly vibrating, constantly moving.  And every single aspect of me and my body is constantly vibrating and moving without any conscious effort from me.  I don’t have to make my heart beat or blood circulate or my lungs breath.  They just do.  Therefore, the single best thing I have found to remind myself that I am not stuck and that things are moving for me (physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally) is to focus on my breathing.  I don’t have to be conscious of my breath to know that my lungs are doing their thing.  When I do become conscious of my breath, however, and reconnect with the knowing that things will never stay exactly the same, the feeling of overwhelm usually dissipates.  

When you feel stuck or overwhelmed and can’t seem to find that light, take a break for a few minutes from the what ifs and if onlys and should haves to spend some time focusing on your breath.  Let your breath reconnect you with the knowing that you are continuing, you are bearing it, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is only as far away as your next breath.  

Just breathe.

A life is so faceted like a diamond in the rough... We travel down a winding roads with many bends along the way... We are like the pebble in a brook that tumbles through rough of life...

Welcome to my new blog...cool huh? haha...never mind, i just changed it cause it's more organized...*wink!

Hmmm...so let's talk about my day...I had quite a good day actually, i went to meet my boss...hehe! yeah...i got myself a challenging job... ;) dealing with clients and some financial things...too complicated to explain...as long as i know, I'm gonna love this job. *wink!

Baby...I really hope things are okay. Sometimes I just felt uneasy or simply just wondering if things goes well for you...I didn't tell you this cause the feelings just com and go...i hope everything is okay...

As artists, we often have special emotional attachments to some, if not all, of our photographs. Here is a selection from a few great photographers.
Waiting to Say Goodbye by Dana DiPasquale
This photograph has a very special meaning to me. I was visiting with my aunt and uncle, the family gathered, waiting to attend funeral services for a beloved uncle that has passed away. The night before we did our best to enjoy each other’s company and joke around like we usually do, but mostly we were just trying to get through the night so we could say our goodbyes in the morning. I saw these antique children’s chairs that my aunt had and decided to spend some time taking photos of them to get my mind off of things. I brought the chair out to the garage so that the smooth, rich wood would be in stark contrast to the rough, stained concrete floor. A running theme throughout my photography is viewing objects from new perspectives, so as I stood on a ladder that I found and tried taking photographs without falling, my uncle walked by and laughed at me. “You’re taking a picture of a chair?” he said. I told him “You just wait – this will be a masterpiece!” but I am pretty sure he didn’t believe me. The photograph turned out exactly the way I had envisoned, a sense of being in a room but high above it like an omnipotent source, alone, expecting someone to be there who isn’t, a bit of a faded memory. This fine art piece hangs on my own wall, and I smile when I see it for it is a reminder of the family I love.

On Her Way by Sue Wickham
THIS WAS THE LAST PHOTO I TOOK OF OUR DAUGHTER BEFORE SHE LEFT IN THE CAR ON HER WAY TO THE CHURCH WITH HER DAD.

Hidden Treasures by Adriana Glackin
Hidden Treasures are things that I keep in one of the old trunks I have, and they’re items that belonged to my parents and I grew up surrounded by. My mum was a dressmaker, so she was always sewing, and when she wasn’t sewing, she’d be knitting (she even made herself an apron that carried her balls of wool and patterns and needles and could follow us around the garden and parks when we were little kids and knit or crochet at the same time), there’s my dad’s camera, his hat, and some old photos of their younger years, as well as journals belonging to my mum. I thought I would photograph those items together using the “Painting with Light” technique, as it really leant itself to the subject. Life is sort of like that Painting with Light technique, the light switches on for that brief time and you’re alive – beautifully illuminated and living, then with one flick of the switch the light and life is gone, never to be replicated in the same way again.

During the last meetup, I shared with all of them regarding CH and me, as well as E. They were supportive of my decision to end my marriage with CH, though not as supportive where E is concerned. I understand their concern because they want the best for me and feel that I am shortchanged to be in a 3rd party relationship with no guarantee for my future. I appreciate their honesty to tell me how they feel yet at the same time, I do wish I can find someone who can really share my stand to remain in this relationship.

During last night's gathering, I could feel that they are no longer supportive for me to continue staying with E. Yet, in my heart, I know very well why I am still staying on and even if one day, the relationship does not bear fruit, I will have no regrets.

Its a tough patch of the road for me now, as I pack to move out of my roof which I have contributed alot to. Alot of questions linger in my mind, like when will I ever have a roof of my own again? What is my future going to be like? Will R be able to adjust well into his new lifestyle? and the questions from friends and relatives as they find out I am heading towards divorce proceedings.

I want to survive through as best as I can, and continue to do my best for R. I am feeling tired but I want to make sure my last bit of energy can bring me through.

you're probably all, "what??? what??? why??? why did she do that???"

here's why: it's because there is no stinking pattern out there that is worth that much grief. i figure, if a pattern has me in tears, that pattern has a deathwish as well. i will NOT let knitting walk over me and control my emotions. i won't. there are easier patterns out there. to the knitters who can figure it out, congratulations! i'm not one of you. i choose life. i'm not going to let a pattern control me. no way. it can THINK that it's all tough and fierce, but little does it know that i can pull the plug any time that i feel like it, and what's it going to think then? not so tough anymore, are you?? i mean. seriously? why should i let a pattern mistreat and abuse me? i don't have to deal with that.

so what am i going to knit for the contest instead, you may be wondering?

i have two ideas :) three, actually. i don't know which one to do yet, so i'm thinking i'll go to sleep and figure things out in the morning. you'll notice, however, that all the patterns are, like, small. definitely things that i can do in 19 or less days. which is, my friend, exactly the point.

peace,

-Sarah

I imagine one of these days I'll find a place to belong. A place where I will be happy without looking for the next big conquest in store for me. Why do I find myself looking forward so much while I miss everything in the present? Is it because where I am isn't exactly where I want to be? Will I ever be satisfied with my present? What will it take for me to be satisfied with what I am living?

Clarification. It's not so much that I am dissatisfied with my job or my situation. I believe this restlessness stems from my belief that I CAN be so much more than what I am. This isn't the situation I thought I'd be in at 24, yet I am proud of my few accomplishments.

I have, for some reason given myself a time limit for accomplishing my goals. I aim for big city life, so I have to find a job that provides the income to ensure affordability of big city life. The field I so stupidly chose for my life does not afford that kind of income but a change in direction requires years of "experience building." I would need to find an entry-level position in my "new" area of choice, which, of course, means that I will be living on a small, tight budget (which, in theory, is a fabulous idea that I am, in no way, good at following through.) for at least 2 years to come.

How do you relocate without income? It's not an impossibility, but it is an improbability. I do feel like it's time to reevaluate everything. Do I want to go back to school? If I do, how do I schedule it? How do I attend school while making astronomical rent payments? How do I survive if I have to work my full time job WHILE attending graduate school? Is this one of those times when being married actually pays off? If so, why do I frown upon the idea at all?

It is apparent that I am self-mutilating. I ruin my own chances of a good career. I couldn't, as a college graduate, get a job with a big city Police Department because I can't find the patience to drive the speed limit, nor the time to keep myself in shape. My restlessness mutilates my chances of happiness in my current situation.

I think about what causes my unhappiness. And while I miss my family and I miss my best friend (ok, and my cat), what I find myself drifting off about is another new city, another new adventure. Paris. New York. Los Angeles (occasionally). I am aware of my need for change, but I seem to be unaware of the need to slow it down.

Such a long, meandering thought. Adrift.

What the hell is this world coming to?

Considered the Silicon Valley of India, Bangalore has been a terrorist "hot-spot" for quite a few years now. Bomb threats had been reported on a daily basis, and most of them turned out to be hoaxes. Today, we have realized that the city's security measures are quite inadequate and that the police and intelligence departments aren't up to the mark in processing the information they have. But that's always been the case with India. It always takes a disaster like this one to make people sit up and take notice of the very real threat we are facing.

The people of Bangalore have always been a resilient lot, and it made my heart light when I saw complete strangers showing support for each other and saying things like, "It's ok, we can get through this!" and "Don't worry, they can't break us!"

Support has been pouring in from all quarters of the globe and this attack has been chastised by all. Public transportation has not been disrupted, schools and offices have not been closed, people's lives hasn't changed much except for being a little wiser about the possibility of such attacks.

My most sincere condolences to all those who have been personally affected by this attack and I do hope that your spirit is strong enough to get through this ordeal. To quote a line from the movie Gandhi, "You can break my body, but not my spirit! We are not afraid!"

The latest news is available here and here.

Images Courtesy: NDTV and CNN-IBN

There is another kind of faith that lies "beyond" logic and cannot be shaken by logic. While our ideas about the importance of this kind of faith are likely based on a combination of childhood imprinting, evolutionary adaptation, and emotional gaps unsatisfied by reason, no amount of explanation or examination accounts for its power to those who have it. The importance of faith, especially in the concept of God -- inlayed as it is upon our earliest experiences -- becomes immune to the intrusion of logic and inquiry; as Freud states, "For any other question at all -- even one that affects us so little as the question whether whales lay eggs -- we demand more proof than we have for Providence." And revealed religions recognize the need to regard faith as the final arbiter when judging what is true or false. The Bible provides a telling quote: "For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent" (1 Corinthians 1:19). Reason becomes faith's enemy when reason points us in other directions; science and religion have been at odds because science does not recognize faith as a valid way of knowing, and is therefore not bound or convinced by the revelations and proclamations the faithful may hold as true.

Faith as a way of knowing is regarded not only as an alternative to logic and reason, it is held as a virtue. People of great faith are often judged as "good" simply by exhibiting those high levels of faith. This equating of good with faithfulfeeds the allure of religious extremism. Richard Dawkins finds this allure worthy of high concern writing in The God Delusion: "Faith is an evil precisely because it requires no justification and brooks no argument. Teaching children that unquestioned faith is a virtue primes them -- given certain other ingredients that are not hard to come by -- to grow up into potentially lethal weapons for future jihads or crusades" (285). Conditioning the mind to dismiss reason as unnecessary (or inadequate) to know our deepest truths -- and to perceive such a perspective as virtue itself -- creates in the fanatically faithful a dangerous worldview. In this worldview lies an inexhaustible wellspring of answers that can be wholly detached from reality. Prayers of the truly faithful are always answered; the reply may be Yes, No, or Maybe but a willingness to hear makes even silence indicative of God. This deep attraction-to and hunger-for faith results at least partly from a failure to appreciate the complexity, strength, and power of human emotion.

We must remember that when asked, "Why do you want to marry that woman?" Because I love her is a perfectly reasonable and logical response. Emotion, intuition, and desire are not mutually exclusive to reason. To see faith as an alternative to machine-like rationality is to set up a false dichotomy of the most glaring kind, but for many believers "materialism" carries the taint of an impossibly cold and cruel logic. The Christian writer Ravi Zacharias describes his view of materialism in his book Can Man Live without God: "A materialist is forced to a theory of randomness and cannot avoid this reduction of man to flotsam and jetsam. Where there is the loss of wonder there is a natural tug toward a reductionistic view of everything aesthetic or virtuous. For that matter, all of life boils down to the rags of matter in chemical or physical reaction, and the strongest ‘reactions' win. Man becomes another blip on the radar screen of time. The noblest is reduced to the lowest, and love is merely glandular." 

Holding such a view of materialism is as depressing as it is wrong. For love, glandular as it may be, is just as intense, wonderful, and valid regardless of its origin. The feeling of love does not subside when I learn that the human heart is a pumping machine. The metaphors that surround it are no less accurate, no less human, for our knowing that the heart is not heart-shaped. My appreciation of cardiac-mechanics in no way detracts from the love I have for my family and friends -- in my heart.

To accept Zacharias' definition of materialism is to become willfully blind to the incredible machinery of nature, and it is to cede our emotions, the most human of human qualities, as the sole domain of ministers and priests, gurus and mystics -- all the men and women of faith. Under the guise "faith" lies a detachment from science, reason and reality. Faith may be touted by believers as a panacea for whatever ails. But faith can be a dangerous drug, an intense hallucinogenic for those fanatics tightly focused on the pages of their books or on the words of their leaders revealing to them the Truth of what must be done.

"the walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy"

pero mukhang mahirap ang iniisip ko.dahil ang mga taong nakakapagdulot sa akin ng kalungkutan ay sila ring taong nagiging source ng aking kasiyahan.kung lalayo ako sa kanila ay hahanaphanapin ko pa rin ang kanilang presenya.hay irony of life....

ano ngayon ang mainam kong gawin?hahayaan ko na lang bang paulit ulit nila akong saktan?

"we gather strength from sadness and from pain.each time we die we learn to live again"

yan na lang iniisip ko ngayon.afterall di naman nakakamatay ang heartaches.lilipas din to.

On a day-to-day basis I am treated like an underling, an idiot teenager, an incompetent fool, by customers who come to my workplace, a coffee shop/lunch and breakfast place. 98% of the time I give them no reason to treat me so badly, but I almost always come home feeling quite deflated, thanks to their snide and often cruel words.

Yesterday I was on register when two ladies ordering together bought a few coffee drinks. Keep in mind that we have two different types of mugs--a taller squarer one (that only comes in one size, 12 ounces) we use primarily for brewed drip coffee, and a shorter rounder one we use for all other hot drinks (these come in 12, 16, 20 ounces). One of the ladies ordered a regular brewed coffee and the other, her friend, ordered a different coffee drink, what we call a Shot in the Dark. She ordered a small size (12 ounces, the same size as the mug). When I brought out their drinks, the Shot in the Dark woman asked me "what is this? I ordered the smallest size! I want her [points at other woman] size!" I explained to her that they both contained the same fluid ounce amount and that she was mistaken and had indeed gotten the smallest size. Since the mug was taller and thinner, it gave the appearance of being smaller when in fact it was merely an optical illusion. The woman argued with me awhile longer until finally she said "Fine. I guess if you THINK so." At that point I would have rather liked to have punched her full on (or maybe threw her damn twelve ounces of coffee into her face) but I figured that it would be smartest to not get sued, and just walked away.

I think perhaps why people treat me so bad is because they don't realize that I know more about how the business runs than they think. It seems most places you go, employees are trained to make one motion and one motion only--at my workplace, we are trained to do everything. Food, drinks, register, serving, dishes, stocking, food prep, you name it. The woman who complained figured I probably didn't know anything about the coffee cup sizes because for the moment, to her, I was merely the lowly server, and that was all I did. Little did she know that I'm actually in a managerial position.

This gets to me more than other people. That was only one example, but things of that magnitude happen to me almost every day. I don't have the mental and emotional stamina of many other people and one unfounded hurtful remark can cripple me for three days--maybe longer. I know that I'm not a stupid girl, so having people jump to conclusions about me makes me feel horrible. It's a trial--and I don't think I can win.

When will I get to the point where I'm treated with respect in most situations? I don't think I ever will while I'm still working where I'm at. Even my mom gets treated like shit a lot by high-and-mighty assholes, and she's the owner! Age has nothing to do with it, then. So I can't simply grow up and expect people to automatically treat me better. I need to get OUT OF THIS SITUATION!

I can't. Not for the time being. But...it just hurts me. I'm emotionally broken down every week, multiple times. Is it making me stronger? I doubt so. How can hurtful words EVER make you stronger if you don't have the the amount of inner strength needed to begin with?

Sister Two by Adrian Rachele
This image was taken of my sister-in-law after our visit to Auschwitz. We went to a bar in the old Jewish quarter of Krakow, to have a drink and reflect. I think this image best displays our feelings at the time. A feeling none of us had ever experienced before. To have been, too see, to smell such a place of despair and death. A day i will always remember.

On Her Way by Sue Wickham
THIS WAS THE LAST PHOTO I TOOK OF OUR DAUGHTER BEFORE SHE LEFT IN THE CAR ON HER WAY TO THE CHURCH WITH HER DAD.

Get out of your mind and into your body

Personally, when I get angry there is usually a thousand thoughts racing around and around in my head.  When I focus on these thoughts I seem to get stuck in anger and the anger increases until I feel like I could explode.  I struggled with a lot of anger when I was younger but couldn’t figure out how to stop or slow those racing thoughts.

Then, a couple years ago, a terrific professor in my master’s program introduced me to a skill called Focusing.  What Focusing helps you to do is to get the hell out of your head and start listening to your body.  Focusing helps you build a relationship with the messages your body is giving you.  Focusing teaches you about the wisdom of your body and what your body can teach you.  

Focusing lets you be with your anger (or any other emotion) without denying it OR becoming overwhelmed by it.  I’ve found that when I let myself “sit with” my anger in this way, my mind slows down and allows my body to take over the processing.  Although Focusing is about the acceptance of whatever emotion or body sensation you are experiencing rather than about trying to “get rid” of that emotion or sensation, I generally find that this acceptance and listening to of my experience greatly reduces the intensity of the emotion or sensation.

Check out my two favorite Focusing books to learn more about it and how to do it: The Power of Focusing and The Radical Acceptance of Everything.

Find a compassionate witness

Sometimes we just need someone to listen -- really listen.  This can be anyone; family members, friends, teachers, therapists, life coaches, or even a stranger next to you on the plane.  They just need to be someone who is willing to be with you in a non-judgmental, loving way. 

I would encourage you to find someone with whom you can express your anger freely.  I  also encourage you to find someone who will listen fully without trying to fix anything for you, make you feel better, or give you advice.  It’s hard for us to just be with someone who is in pain or anger without trying to make it better for them -- mainly because their intense emotions make us uncomfortable.  However, I have found that it is more helpful and empowering in the long run if we allow that person to experience their pain or anger and figure out their own solutions.  Try to find someone who is willing to do this for you.  

A note on therapists for this:  being a therapist myself, I think therapy can be very helpful.  However, in general, therapists are often taught to help people fix things or to help people feel better.  Even if we aren’t taught this - it is an underlying assumption that this is what our job entails.  Traditional therapy tends to focus on the person telling the therapist the problem and then the therapist coming up with suggestions or solutions.  I, and many others, are more non-traditional in that I believe every person has the ability to create their own solutions and are strong enough to experience their pain (or anger).  So, if you choose the therapy route for dealing with your grief and/or anger, talk to potential therapists about their views on this.  You may have to tell them what you need from them - and walk away if they can’t give that to you (this goes for anyone you choose as your compassionate witness, not just therapists). 

Let it Out

Scream if you feel the need to scream.  Run if you feel the need to run.  Pull out the punching bag (or mattress or couch) and go to town if you feel the need.  We all know what we need if we take the time to listen to our own inner wisdom (or our body) and if it tells us to let our anger out in some way, then let it out (in a manner that is safe for you and others, I don’t by any means recommend beating the crap out of someone or speeding recklessly down the road in your car).  If you feel stupid, find a way to do it when no one is around.  Letting it out with someone there for support can be great too.  

There are mixed opinions on the catharsis method of dealing with anger.  Some believe doing these types of things will make it worse and others believe it is useful.  I see both sides. I suggest letting it out in ways like this only if it really and truly feels right for you.  No one knows what you need better than you.

These emotions, all part of every day life must be controlled in the business environment or danger lurks, as emotional decisons will in all likelihood fail to materialize as desired and are the base cause for making incorrect decisions and thus are self defeating.

The interesting part of this is we all know when we are doing this, we all have our little voice in our head, the feeling in the pit of our stomach warning us that this is an emotional decision and not necessarily the right business decision, but we all let ego win from time to time, as it is a very strong force...and when the mistake occurs we ask ourselves, "Why did I do this"? The answer is clear, we made an emotional decision that satisfied an ego driven need not a business decision that satisfied business requirements.

Hiring, firing, purchasing, paying, buying, growing, contracting all can either be decided based on merit, budgets, analysis. Not to diminish the power and need for intuition, which is different then ego driven emotion.

The biggest claim on our saner business mind is the need to have others think well of us, or said differently our concern for what others will think of us, thus we make decisions around protecting this area of sensitivity. 

Emotional self sufficiency is the objective here, being strong enough to be satisfied with our own self evaluation of who we are and what we are doing so we are not driven by what others think of us, but what is the best or right business decision for the situation. That is a real challenge but if we take this battle on, identifying ego driven decisions as the demon we must all face, we have a better chance defeating it when it pops its ugly head up and insists you do the wrong thing for a variety of bad reasons....excuses I will call them, excuses from doing the right thing even when we know the right answer or response or strategy.

This does not mean we must rid ourselves of passion, definitely not, passion is a wonderful driving force, which plays a large roll in fueling an entrepreneurs spirit to reach his goals and aspirations.

Nor does it mean you cannot have a vision, of course you may in fact you must or how do we get to where we want. Unbridled passion unchecked by logic can lead one to excess and bad judgement, but passion has a distinct roll in the plan as long as it is not controlled by ego or other less helpful emotions.

Think back at some bad decisions you may have made and review why you made them, and if you knew they were bad decisions but you chose to ignore the warnings you generated internally. We all have done this.

We can however rid ourselves of this as a controlling factor and check ourselves if we begin to allow ego to prevail. It can be done, it simply requires diligence and perseverance and yes emotional self sufficiency. We do not require others opinions to support our best decision making. We do require sound business analysis. 

You can do this, you must, if you intend to succeed.

My entry Sister Two was taken of my sister-in-law after our visit to Auschwitz. We went to a bar in the old Jewish quarter of Krakow, to have a drink and reflect. I think this image best displays our feelings at the time. A feeling none of us had ever experienced before. To have been, too see, to smell such a place of despair and death.

Sue Wickhams entry On Her Way was the last photo she took of her daughter before she left in the car, on her way to the church with her father, to be married.

Dana DiPasquale's entry Waiting to Say Goodbye was taken when waiting to attend funeral services for a beloved uncle that has passed away. She saw these antique children’s chairs that her aunt had and decided to spend some time taking photos of them to get her mind off of things.

Sister Two by Adrian Rachele

On Her Way by Sue Wickham

Waiting to Say Goodbye by Dana DiPasquale