The Scene: Dance at a Church Youth Gathering (EFY)
Background info: I HATE dancing. with a passion, and I was on a mission not to dance with anybody and had been successful all night.
People involved: Sadie, Her cousin, and others to be revealed later.

So I think It was nearing the end of the dance, thought I cant really remember, We were all just talking in a circle, you know, Hanging out. I was pleased as I had escaped dancing all night by using my awesome be really involved in something else during the slow song skills. One came on and I was like eh no big deal boys are far to shy to break into a group of three girls who are obviously engaged in conversation. I didn't notice the three boys who walked up, I saw two, and quickly excused myself from my friends. (read: run out the door) if you are the only one not dancing you are sure to get sucked in. Apparently I missed a few important points. The first being there were 3 boys. The second being that one said "Hey look it's perfect 3 and 3". at this point I was already dashing off. (It took me at least a year to convince Sadie that I really didn't hear him.) SO one boy has to stand there awkwardly as Sadie came after me. Now a Side note. I was in the youngest part of the oldest group. The one boy who apparently wanted to dance with me was the oldest, I think he was 18, I was just turning 16. Sadie explains all about these 3 boys, I was a little humiliated, but It was the last night so I was like, Whatev you know? SO I hear the song winding down, we walk back in and WHAM! he is laying in wait by the door! So then Sadie leaves me and he's like "uh, you ran away, I was going to ask you to dance" and I was like "um yeah, I didn't see you there. heh" Which is really nice of me, and he probably totally thought I was lying. SO then we awkward dance for like 20 seconds till the song finally ends. I don't remember how I excused my self but It was probably totally awkward and embarrassing.

and that pretty much sums it up. Obviously I am a genius

More Childran Stories can help to make a smile.

Weesel!

Vroom! We’re at the mall “We’ll stay in the car” said Dad. Diesel is so warm on my lap! I asked myself what’s that feeling? Ewwwww dog wee! My dog weed all over my soccer shorts! I stunk like mad! I had a shower as soon as I got home. My sister didn’t get weed on but she had to have a shower too. We had a shower in the double shower. I said to Mum “Diesel’s in the room!”

By Mackenzie.

My brother Ross!

My brother Ross went to Browns Bay. He bought a whistle. It was loud! I got a fright!

By Michael.

When I had to wear a skirt!

When I was 4 I peed my pants! When the teacher looked in my bag there were no spare clothes in it. Then we had to go in the spare clothes room. All that was there was a dress! She handed it over to me. I said “I can’t wear that!” the teacher said “Yes you can and you will!”, “NOOOO!”

By Peter.

The most disgusting time!

When I threw up it was disgusting! I threw up in the middle of the night in the toilet. The toilet stunk for 9 weeks! When I went to the toilet I had to block my nose. I hated the smell. My mum said “Yuck!” when she heard me say “Mum I have to throw up in the toilet!”

By Ben.

My most embarassing moment!

The most embarrassing moment was when I was holding some toothpaste and I was naked, then my mum came in and said “How cute is she?” I said “Goo goo ga ga!” I was two and a half I think. I was proud of myself. After I said goo goo gaa gaa I noticed I was naked and then I started to cry. Then I said my first word and I think it was reindeer.

By Madeleine.

The brother zone!

“Stop it!” I yelled “I hate it, I absolutely hate it! Don’t you dare!” I yelled again. I am so lucky to be going to school and I am very ANGRY! I hate it when my brother is annoying me. I am in Room 6. I got in the car but my brother is still annoying me. Oh no! I’m sitting in the back with him! This is going to be a long, long trip and boy you can beat that it was!

By Isaac.

Ta-Da!

]]> http://jdevore.wordpress.com/?p=44 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:21:42 +0000 Jodi http://jdevore.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/something-just-happened-to-me-that-usually-happens-to-billy/ So I HAVE to share.  HAVE to.

BTW if you haven't been paying attention Billy or Bill or Will is from Veggiemacabre.wordpress.com .  He is known for having over the top embarrassing things happen to him either he brought it on himself or he just was at the wrong place at the wrong time.  His story about why he was a competitor in the Special Olympics is classic, look it up when you have the chance.

But my story just happened a few minutes ago.  I wanted to tell you all when it is still fresh in my mind.  This is one of my own damn fault kind of embarrassing stories which is the worst kind because you can't blame anyone else for the embarrassment.  At least in the Special Olympics story Billy has he can blame the mother.  Me?  Only myself.

I am just sitting here catching up on my emails, responding back to text messages on my phone, and I get a phone call.  I don't usually get phone calls from anyone except my best friend Harry and a good friend that calls every Thursday and that is it.  If a lot of calls are made I make them.  Just a few minutes ago I got a wrong number call.  Usually a wrong number call isn't that long but this one was special.  And not in a good way.

A side note, have you ever had one specific phone number in your life that got a lot of wrong numbers?  I had a land line when I lived in Stanfield that did.  At least once a month or once every two weeks someone would call and say oops sorry wrong number.  We felt like we had the most recycled number the phone company had.  It was funny though.

But just a few minutes ago an older lady called.  I don't get many of those.  But I swear, you have to believe me that she sounded exactly like my Great Aunt that is my Grandma's sister.  In the logic in my brain at the time of the call I thought it was her and she accidentally called me on her phone number list instead of Karen.  I know better now reflecting.  I mean why would my Great Aunt have me on her phone number list?

This is about how the conversation went.  Not word for word.  I have to do this by memory.

*Click*

Me: Hello?

Her: Oh I'm sorry, I was trying to call Karen.  This doesn't sound like Karen.  I must of called the wrong number.

Me:  Oh hi!! (with a big smile on my face, I haven't talked to my Great Aunt in at least a couple of years)

Her: Oh hello?  Is Karen there?

Me: Don't you know who this is?

Her: Apparently I don't.  I was trying to call Karen.  I'm sorry I don't know who you are.  Who are you and where is Karen?

Me: You know who I am!!

(pause)

Me: I don't know where Karen is but you called me instead of her by accident.  But (fumbling with my words) I am Jodi.  Mary Ann's youngest! (Mary Ann is the first name of my Grandma)

Her: I don't (pause) know you.  I don't remember you.  I am going to hang up now and try to call Karen.  I don't know who you are but I need to speak to Karen now.  Goodbye now! (old ladies have an odd politeness to them)

Me: Oh ok bye!! (still excited thinking I just had a very odd conversation with my Great Aunt)

*Click*

About 2 minutes go by and it hits me.  That WAS a wrong number.  I looked at her number on my phone.  The area code is the same as mine.  My Great Aunt lives in Great falls Montana.  This is like a wacky 80's sitcom where the two coffins get switched at the simultaneous funerals.

What have I done.  What have I done...

Our hospital has a nice little manmade pond where ducks and geese like to gather year round.  We get quite a few visitors from the community who come just to feed these ducks and we all enjoy watching them.  A couple months ago, I had parked my car and was walking towards my work at the eye department.  I had to walk past the pond to get there and I noticed some commotion on the lawn on the other side of the pond.

A white duck ran up to a brown duck, grabbed it by the neck and wrestled it to the ground, where it proceeded to try to kill the other bird.  All of the white duck's friends ran over and piled on top of the two birds; I watched to see if perhaps they would help the brown duck but then realized that that they were trying to kill the brown duck as well.  Without a thought, I ran all the way over to the other side of pond to save the underdog brown duck.  I realized when I reached this mass of duck bodies that I had no idea what to do, so I yelled, "What are you doing?".  All the ducks ran away except for the original two.  To my chagrin (and I must admit horror), I was then able to see that the white duck really didn't want to kill the brown duck; it apparently loved the brown duck.

I also realized that I was a professional, alone, on hospital grounds, yelling at mating ducks.  So I tried to walk as nonchalantly as I could back to the sidewalk, going in the direction of the eye clinic.  This would have been bad enough as it was, but I happened to fall into step with a medical student going in the same direction.  I tried to explain what I had been doing, in as calm a fashion as I could.  I then asked the medical student in as professional a tone as I could muster where he was assigned for the week.  "Oh, he said.  I'm going to ophthalmology".

Of course, it would be ophthalmology.  It was an awkward moment for me, but the medical student never let on that he had seen anything unusual.  I didn't let it bother me for very long either, but (Sigh) I wonder what my husband will say when he reads this story.

My Mum and stepfather very kindly donated a TV/DVD combi that they no longer used for the centre, which I took in a few months ago. However, I realised last week that we had no remote control for it.

I phoned my stepfather who was all "I wondered when you were going to notice you'd left it behind!" He put it in my room at their house (I place where some of my unpacked bags and boxes from last year's moving around still remain!). I went over to collect it on Sunday after I finished work.

On Tuesday we watched the first half of the DVD. We had a discussion about it. Then I reached for the remote control to move the wee dot on the screen to 'Additional Material'...

...and realised the remote control wasn't working.

I'd gone to all the bother of driving across town on Sunday night from work (a 40 minute detour), and checked that the TV itself was working, but hadn't thought to check the remote control was working.

Shaking it didn't work. And of course I didn't have any spare batteries (presuming the problem was that the batteries in the remote control had ran out of energy).

How very unprofessional and really embarrassing. :(

Luckily, they were all really good about it, but I hang my head in shame.

1. I had just cleaned the breakfast dishes, and wiped the counters

2.N and M actually listened to me and picked up the bucket of toys they threw on the floor, so mommy could vacuum.

3. I actually had the energy to play M's "chase me and dress me" game.

4. I Had 2 baskets of craft supplies out, a great mommy mess.

But I was equally embarrassed though that...

1.I didn't get a chance to vacuum, damn summer and staying out late the night before.

2. Let N stay in his Pjs that morning

3.I mistaken the Therapist for a traveling book sales teen, nearly running her off my porch with my old lady cane.

In my defense it is that time of year again, that time of year where young college students canvas your neighborhood, convincing you that their $100 set of ABC books is so much better then Barnes and Nobles $20 set. Yes I do get frustrated, I don't have time for salespeople at my door, especially since you can't sell door to door in our town without a permit, which they never have.

I answered the door with the "jogging pants, talking on the phone, hair not straightened, holdin' a two year old from dashing out the door," look. You know the one mommies, how stereotypical huh!

So I told that girl wearing jeans, carrying bags of books in the snobbish voice ever that I had no time for this. When she tried to talk again I cut her off, saying that I was on an important call, and didn't have time for her. I then held my head in shame and got beet red when nervously she said "I have an appointment for M"

We did have a good laugh when I told her who I thought she was, she agreed she runs sales people off her porch too, and heck she had a funny story to tell the girls at work today.

Grandmas, M speech is great no more appointments!

Here’s an outrageous blunder that’s even worse than my last entry.  I used to play keyboards for our church worship band, so that meant lots of time on stage being aware of your posture and mannerisms.  Our pastor was detailing a “current needs giving opportunity” to the congregation and here is exactly what he said.

“We have been getting lots of new young families visiting our church lately.  As you know, most people who come to this church are not used to the church culture, so leaving their child in a nursery at a strange place can be unsettling.  What we’d like to do is take up a collection to purchase vibrators for all the young mothers so they can relax during the service.”  (oh, yes...he continued...)

“So, when the parents drop off their children at the nursery, the workers will simply give the mother a vibrator that she can take with her into the service.  If she gets anxious, she will know she has the vibrator and should anything go wrong, she will have an extra measure of confidence.  Now each of these vibrators costs $85, and if we had about 12.... blah, blah, blah, vibrator, vibrator, vibrator....”

Gasp!  He would NOT stop saying it!  Although he was completely clueless about the impact of his words, his wife, who was on stage with me, was so humiliated that she stepped behind the projector screen, thinking she was hidden from the audience.  Unfortunately, she was only doing a projected shadow dance of mortification for the entire audience and doubling the entertainment value of this colossal faux pas. She was alternating between fanning herself, burying her face in her hands, and doubling over from the emotional angst of it all.  

Maintaining composure on stage was nearly impossible.  Our bass player– a 21-year-old college student– looked like someone who had just opened a bag of salad slop, somehow missed during last year's refrigerator clean -out.  The drummer had started frantically searching for something on the floor, desperate not to make eye contact with anyone.  I was hoping he had a button for a sneaky trap door or perhaps a gong that would end the torture.  The audience was wide eyed at first, but eventually the laughter was not contained.  But our pastor? He never caught on.  I was the next-up speaker to transition into our video.  Do I rescue this poor man?  Do I acknowledge what just happened here?  “Okay well... I’m sure we’ll all want to contribute to such a worthy cause for the kingdom.   Ahem...”

Of course, he meant to say PAGERS. I sometimes wonder how many times everyone else is clued in, and I have no idea how I’m coming across.  

A few weeks ago, I was at a social outing with my friends and I wondered what would happen if I didn’t try to influence the direction of the conversation.  I had just spent an exhausting day with a friend who was making everything into a conundrum and I wondered if I had the same impact on others.  So this time, I just listened, and made small non-influencing comments.  And I was shocked! After an nearly an hour of dialogue, we hadn’t moved off of the topic of various casserole preparations.  Oh..my...gosh! What if I’m always talking about deep topics and everyone else wants to talk about casseroles?  Can it be true that I am as clueless as my pastor was that day?

I laughed about my experiment with a friend a few days later.  She said, “Well, sometimes people do just want to go ‘ahhhh.... let’s talk about food...easy topic.’ But I assure you, you are so valued for what you bring to the table and our lives would be so much more humdrum if you didn’t push us to THINK.”  I’m definitely going to repeat the experiment.  Anyone got any good casserole recipes?

© AmyinDallas, 2007-2008

Suddenly she reached for her purse, grabbed a paper and scribbled a note. After discretely summoning an usher, she whispered into his ear and handed him the note.

A multi-talented man, her husband was now seated at the organ playing music for the song the congregation was singing. As unobtrusively as possible, the usher walked to the pastor and laid the note on the organ bench.

"From your wife," the usher whispered. "Important, she says."

Quizzically, he looked at his wife, who mouthed the words, "Read it now!"

Still playing, but with one hand now, the pastor fumbled around with the note, finally unfolded it and read YOUR FLY IS UNZIPPED.

Frantic, as he remembered his recent cavorting around during the sermon, he continued to play the organ with one hand, and began feeling around the zipper area of his trousers. Without looking down, he felt again. Strange thing. He was not unzipped. What was going on?

Again, he scanned the congregation and looked with puzzlement at his wife. Her face spread into a glorious grin and she mouthed the words APRIL FOOL!

_______________________________________________________________________

My devotional blog is here.

Many years ago (alright, not THAT many) I was thin. A thin me equals a small chested me. I always wanted some tits, but didn't want to spend money on breast augmentation. I was also single. I also liked to party. And meet men..

Well I went out and bought me some boobies. Yes, I know what I just said..not surgery. I got some falsies. They were so soft, made out of silicone & really natural looking. I was a cup size larger & thought I was so hot. I started wearing them all the time, but especially when going out to the clubs.

One night at a club, my friends and I were all drinking and dancing (of course!). I met this hot guy & everyone was having a great time. One minute I was dancing and smiling coyly, and the next I was grabbing at my lopsided chest and scanning the dancefloor for my lost enhancement. Aha, I saw it! But it would be so obvious if I picked it up(like me covering my cleavage wasn't), so I kicked it with my expensive fuck me heel. It sort of rolled - in the wrong direction- towards the guy I was dancing with and hit his foot. He looked down and I bolted for the bathroom. I ditched the remaining twin in the trash, told a girlfriend I was feeling sick & needed to leave. She had to go gather the others in the group we were with, while I hid out in the ladies' room.

I swear my face stayed bright red for days! I don't know who else saw what happened, but I'm sure people at least noticed my abrupt change in bustiness. Not to mention my strange sudden affinity for baggy shirts. They probably all suspected I was preggie.

I love you little

I love you big

I love you like

A little pig

and

I love you like an apple

I love you like a plum

I'd love you even more

If you weren't so gosh darn dumb!

Cute huh? I bought Honey a little glass pig for our 6 month anneversary. It sits on top of the computer, looking back at me as I write. Ok Here goes nothing (Karma help me)

On our second out of town trip together, Honey and I stayed at the Kennedy School. We stayed out late with Honey's Cousin and his sweet girlfriend the first night we were there. We had a great time downing lemon drops like they were kool aid. We all went back to our room ( an old classroom) where we laughed forever about the weird little cloak room attached to our sleeping area. Now I'm not sure what was so funny about it, but we were hammered and "cloak room" just got us rolling.

We woke up the next morning hung over and needed coffee to help recuperate. Being the thoughtful butch I am, I went to fetch coffee for my darling. Ugh it took all of my strength to get down the halls to the restaurant. It seemed so long. As I got back to the room I realized I didn't take both keys to get back into the room. There were two doors to unlock and I only took one key.

Now you have to imagine this old school set up. One door opens to a small hallway that contains three more doors (each a classroom). I didn't have the key to the outer door. So I had to knock loudly for Honey to let me in. Honey rolled out of bed in her tank top (nothing else) opened the first door and used her foot to keep it open as she stretched to open the second . OK so picture honey half dressed spread eagle across the small hallway reaching for the door. Then her foot slipped and the door to our room slammed shut. All I heard was "oh shit!" the the second door opened, but just barely. I slipped in to see my baby, white as a ghost and scrunched into a sitting fetal position trying to cover her pieces and parts. OK it was funny and I did snicker a little but then I became "Super Butch" and took off my sweatshirt and wrapped it around bottom half, opened the door and ran down the hallway for the attendance office (the lobby) to get another key.

The woman at the desk reluctantly gave me the key, I had no ID and only knew our room as the one with the frog nursery rhyme stenciled on the wall. Turns out it was "Mr. Frog's" room. Whatever, I was in a huge hurry to rescue my girl from being publicly humiliated when the other couples staying in our hallway decided to get their morning coffee as well. I looked like maniac, running down the hall in yesterdays makeup, a white tank top, no bra and bed head yelling "I am coming, Honey". What I didn't tell honey is that I fell up the stairs (don't ask- I had hangover related coordination issues that morning) geting back to her. I unlocked the first door and there was Honey standing, bum to the corner with the sweatshirt wapped around her front side. She of course asked "what took you so long?". Needless to say I had to go back to bed for a few hours. Honey joined me, this time fully clothed. Just in case.

If you think this is awkward to read about, trust me it was even more awkward being there. But I have to admit, I do love the fact that she wrote a blog entry about it pre emptively, because she thought I was going to write a blog entry about it. BEST.HEADFAKE.EVER!

Also I was just walking by, and I saw this guy sleeping on a bench, and I was like what the heck? I mean he can't be a bum it's not like Lagoon is a cheap place to be. Apparently he was just a little tired so he was like oh perfect a bench in a crowded amusement park!

So this is why I asked you if Chantelle was still alive. Apparently she's been dead for a while. At least that is her name tag. We did not even get invited to the funeral. What the heck!

Apparently Huckle is really lucky, because not only did he find this beautiful pink bat, he also found one of those giant stuffed snakes, and a quarter. The snakes name is "The Snake" but you have to say it a certain way or it just doesn't work.

Update: The Wolfman was seen exiting the park on crutches. Whoops... Just call me Sadie the Werewolf Slayer from now on....

Guilty Pleasure: Well I did just read Stargirl again.
Current Obsession: Sweaters! (I just bought me a cute one, and it's so cold today don't you just love the fall?)