Repeatx6 at full volume and rinse

The high-street's interpretation of trends often depresses me. And often looking at what's in every window on Oxford Street is a good way to learn what to avoid. At the moment, ubiquitous tartan shirts, high-waisted trousers and lots of black leather spell the bad girl look as interpreted by Dorothy Perkins, Oasis, New Look etc. They are of course where all the really bad girls shop. 

It's a look that doesn't suit me at all, and most of my clothes wouldn't look out of place on a six-year-old so the baddest girl I can sartorially associate myself with is Violet Elizabeth Bott. I don't mind though, because it means I get to lust over the pick of the good-girl labels, such as APC. Not quite right for a night out, with nothing slinky, low cut or provocative, this is the label for decent well cut clothes. At the moment, I'm completely in love with this pea coat, and a little blue skirt which I can't find a picture of.

And don't forget that if you look very much like a good girl, you can get away with being a naughty one. An example very rightly set by these ladies below.

Eloise, the little girl who lives in the Plaza Hotel.

Madeline, everyone's favourite diminutive Parisian.

Jean Seberg in the film Breathless, who looks like innocence personified but gets up to all sorts of naughty things.

Plaza Sign, Originally uploaded by Trish Mayo/mayotic

NYC fact learned from Eloise: The Plaza is the only hotel in New York that will allow you to have a turtle.

Must see if my parents still have the books. Or might buy The Ultimate Edition.

On the night of 24th July, 12 Dutch nationals were attacked, robbed and three of them gang-raped in Kakamega. According to the Standard newspaper, the gangsters took off with Shs185,000 (US$2,800), 650 Euros, among other valuables. The 12 were visiting an orphanage, which they have been funding, and were hosted by a Kenyan couple.

Just three weeks earlier, a Canadian missionary couple was brutally attacked at their home in Kitale. John Bergen, aged 70 was hacked with machetes and clubs and left for dead. The 5-man gang then proceeded to gang-rape his 66 year old wife, Eloise, and savagely beat her as well. Luckily, both survived, but John needed so many stitches to his face that doctors "lost count," Eloise told reporters.

There is little information on the Kakamega incident concerning the Dutch nationals. In Kitale, police arrested 7 people linked to the attack on the Canadians. Two of the suspects are women. Police have also seized the couple's two night guards, who had been hired less than a month earlier. However, it is common for Kenyan police to arrest security guards whenever a crime is reported. The arrest of the night guards may not necessarily imply guilt.

John Bergen, has since undergone multiple surgeries to repair a shattered jaw, a broken wrist, two broken arms, damaged knee and multiple lacerations and bruises. Eloise, was released from hospital after receiving 35 stitches for multiple cuts and bruises. The couple told their family that they plan on visiting the local prison to confront and forgive the men accused of attacking them before they board the plane home.

Western Province and neighbouring Kitale are a densely populated area adjacent to Kenya's border with Uganda. Rapid population growth is exacting massive pressure on land, water and forestry resources. Meanwhile, a high rate of youth unemployment has worsened the poverty situation, resulting in school dropouts, broken homes, alcoholism and rising crime. The erosion of traditional cultural values due to urbanization has removed the taboos that placed moral restrictions in the past.

Western Province and the Rift Valley province where Kitale is located experienced political and ethnic clashes following disputed elections in December 2007. Tens of thousands of people were evicted from homes, farms and businesses due to ethnic prejudice and political affiliation. Roads were blocked, shops looted and farms set ablaze in an orgy of violence that devastated the area's economy. Government offices were ransacked. Rumours about the entry of Ugandan soldiers into Kenya resulted in mobs of youth blocking transport at border areas for weeks.

An insurgency in Mount Elgon by the Sabaot Land Defense Force (SLDF) drew the wrath of Kenya's security forces, especially from March this year. Both the SLDF and the government have been implicated in torture, killings and the disappearance of hundreds of people in Mt Elgon District.

Meanwhile, the violence against the Canadian and Dutch aid workers has received scant attention from Kenya's media. The Standard reported the Kakamega attack through a tiny news brief. Its possible that political leaders from the region fear that continued negative publicity could deter tourists and investors.

Details of the Kitale attack on Canada's National Post.

Last night was a good night. It was really great to see her. She seems to be doing okay, despite her loss. I couldn't get the feeling that something was missing out of my mind, and my heart, when we were together last night. Something was missing, my dear Grandfather Donald. I think there were a lot of brave faces presented, and some healthy distraction from our fussy little daughter. I cant help but feel that there should have been a little more emotion expressed. I never want to ignore the fact that the loss of my Grandfather has left a big empty spot in my heart. I really wish he could have seen Eloise, held her, adored her, as we do, before his passing.

The one thing I am truly going to miss, is the opportunity to have him give foolish little me some advice on being a father. I always loved my Grandfather, because he was loving, kind, funny, and always seemed like he knew what to do, and how to get what he wanted. I always admired those qualities in him, and I always wished that he would pass on his secret to me.

I suppose he is with us, in all the moments we think of him, and how he was. In that sense, he really was with us last night. I just wished he could give me a big hug (complete with prickley beard) and say "How's my favorite Grandson?" like he always used to.

It was beautiful, this dream:
Brown eyes
And white skin.

You know how,
Waking from a dream,
It seems so real?

Waking from this dream
Seems all the "real"
Is just so pale.

Am I sleeping?

Now I'm just a dreamer;
Looking for a dream.
Have you seen her?

Think a digital camera and a Flickr account is the ideal 5th birthday present!

Fortunately, Ellie is a sweet and simple name that can be derived from any number of given names, ranging from the exotic to the classically classic.  Read on for some great ways to get to Ellie - and then check out You Can't Call It It's post on Ella.

First, here are a few options that are classically classic in every way:

• Elizabeth, Elisabeth:  Worn by queens and saints, it's impossible to argue with the enduring appeal of this name.  It is possible, however, to choose another nickname, ranging from the out of favor Liz to the white-hot Libby.  Speaking of hot, know that Elizabeth is a Top Ten choice in recent years, and the Euro-chic Elisabeth remains comfortably familiar, too.
• Eleanor, Elinor: An equally regal choice that's less often heard, Eleanor and Elinor fall in an out of fashion.  In England, Eleanor stood in the Top 50 in recent years; across the pond, it's a less common #271 as of 2007.  Elinor does not rank in the Top 1000 in the US, but is an equally valid variant.  In fact, Jane Austen's heroine in Sense and Sensibility was Elinor Dashwood.

Or you might choose a well-known and enduring name that's a bit less common:

• Eliza:  She started life as a pet form of Elizabeth, but a long history of use makes it fair game as an independent given name.  It's a sophisticated choice with spirit, and brings to mind Audrey Hepburn playing the enchanting Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady.  In 2007, Eliza ranked #334 in the US.
• Elise: Another of Elizabeth's offspring, Elise is a gentler choice than the spunky Eliza.  It's hovered near the Top Ten in Belgium, and sounds just right paired with a French-tinged surname.  "Für Elise" is Beethoven's piece for piano; the Elise for whom it was intended is lost to history.  At #225, it's neither popular nor obscure.
• Elaine: A variant of Helen, kept alive in the tales of King Arthur, Elaine was a fashion-forward choice from the 1920s through the 1950s in the US.  Today, it's relatively obscure at #717.  But should you choose Elaine for your daughter circa 2007, the more appealing nickname is the lively Lainey.  Still, you can certainly arrive at Ellie via the dignified Elaine.
• Elena:  A lovely, pan-European name, again a variant of Helen, Elena has gained in popularity in recent years.  We think it's among the best of the Getting to Ellie options.  Unfortunately, Elena has a serious flaw.  It can be - and is - spelled Elaine, Alayna, Alaina, Elayna and on and on and on.  With princesses, athletes and even an obscure Francesco Cavalli opera bearing the name, we feel that Elena is the obvious choice.  The Spanish agree with us - it's a Top 20 choice for girls there.  But beware that in the US, Elena is more popular than the #192 ranking implies.
• Ellen: She's fallen out of favor since the 19th and early 20th centuries in the US.  Ellen last appeared in the Top 100 in 1961, and today stands at #581.  But in Sweden, this Helen-variant remains a Top 20 choice.  And if you love the simplicity and tailored, no-nonsense appeal of names like Jane and Claire, Ellen might be a reasonable way to Get to Ellie.  It's not fashionable, but it is familiar.  Elin is also heard, especially in Northern Europe.

You might also pick an El- name rich with foreign flair and seldom heard on these shores:

• Eloise: Dating back to the Middle Ages, this choice reminds most parents of Kay Thompson's book series for children.  The hero introduces herself with the line:  "My name is Eloise.  I am six.  I live at the Plaza."  The exploits of this big city girl, her pet turtle and long-suffering Nana were bedtime stories for many modern mamas.  It's a frilly, French-tinged choice that benefits from the option of using the simple nickname Ellie.  It has not appeared in the Top 1000 in the US since 1965, despite a number of recent film and TV adaptations.
• Elodie: Like Eloise, Elodie has a French flair that might appeal to some parents.  It rhymes with Melody, but is unrelated.  And while Melody seems trapped in the 20th century, this option remains fresh and nicely obscure.  It has not ranked in the Top 1000 in the US since the 19th century.
• Elsa: While this is so close to Ella that it might not offer a meaningful substitute, it is a chart-topping option from Sweden that works well with longer surnames.  It has been in steady use in the US, but it's never been popular.  At #745, Elsa remains comfortably obscure.  Some view it as yet another pet form of Elizabeth, other see it as related to our next suggestion.
• Elza: A Hebrew name meaningful joyful, Elza actually charted as a male name in the US in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.  Today it sounds mysteriously foreign - and undeniably feminine.  It has not appeared in the Top 1000 in the US since 1883.
• Elvira:  The most daring way of all to Get to Ellie, Elvira brings to mind the Mistress of the Dark, the Oak Ridge Boys' song or the Danish circus performer murdered by her lover.  The last and most tragic Elvira - Madigan - lives on in film.  The Mozart piano concerto used in the movie is now often called the "Theme from Elvira Madigan."  It's a dangerous and glamorous choice that needs the option of Ellie as an escape route until your child is old enough to wear this dramatic moniker - and perhaps you'll hope that day never comes.  Elvira has not been in the Top 1000 since 1981.
• Elspeth: A favorite of ours at ApMtn, Elspeth is a Scottish twist on Elizabeth.  Unlike Elsbeth or Lizbeth, the "p" helps this one stand out from other contracted forms of the full name.  While there have been a steady stream of Elspeths, especially in the UK, it has never appeared in the Top 1000 in the US.  Of course, if you choose Elspeth, you may find that the two syllables are simple enough to not require a short form at all.
• Elke: Again, there's little need to nickname with such a brief and distinctive name, but Elke remains an option.  Originally a pet name, derived from the same root that gave us Alice, it is sometimes bestowed independently.  Pronounced EL keh, you're far more likely to hear it in Europe.  It has never entered the Top 1000 in the US.

And, of course, you can borrow from the boys or put a last name first:

• Ellison: A surname name with ties to literature (Ralph Ellison, author of The Invisible Man) and scores of other notables, Ellison could work well for a daughter.  It's close to Allison - perhaps confusingly so - and certainly Gets to Ellie.  It last appeared in the Top 1000 in the US in 1909 - for boys.
• Ellery: Ellery is hanging on ApMtn's family tree, as it happens.  Related to Hillary, it's thought of as a masculine name and is familiar to most as a fictional detective, Ellery Queen.  But to our ear, Ellery undeniably works better for a daughter than a son.  In fact, Eleri is an unrelated Welsh name that feels a bit too flimsy with the "i" ending to wear as well as this version.
• Elliot, Elliott: An increasingly popular choice for a boy, a daring parent might consider Elliot - with or without the second t - for a daughter.  For boys, Eliot was 359 in 2007, and the "tt" version 389.  Add it up, and your girl may well be mistaken for a boy.  But if you plan to call her Ellie, this remains an interesting route to get there.
• Ellis: With a history as both a surname and a given name, Ellis earns a place on this list.  And unlike Eliot/t, it's not common for boys - it ranked #819 for boys in 2007 - so sidesteps those problems.

There you have it ... not quite two dozen ways to Get to Ellie.  And we haven't even scratched the surface.  If you'd like to consider names that end in -el/elle, check out the post referenced above on You Can't Call It It's site for some great ideas.

How is that possible?  You've checked the stats, and while Ella is on the rise at 21, it's still not top 10?  Bella is all the way down at 159, and Elle and Belle don't even make an appearance on the top 1000 list.  Please don't refuse to believe me when I tell you all "ell" names are running a muck.  How many Isabellas do you know?  Isabelles?  Any of them go by Bella or Belle?  I bet almost all of them.  There's also Annabelle, which is on the rise at 196, and that's not even counting Annabel, Anabel, Anabelle, and Annabella.  Stella is bringing up the rear at 244, which is not insignificant.  Ella, Ellie and Elle may conveniently be derived from any name containing "el"--  Elizabeth, Eliza, Eleanor, Ellen, Elena, Ellery, Elliot, Ellison, Gabrielle, Gabriela, Danielle... which gives credence to my claim that it's better to name your daughters Elizabeth than Elle (bias aside, of course).    

Among trends, Elle is the most appealling.  Other than meaning "her", her only offense is to bombard the ear with oversaturation.  If you're in love with Ella and Bella but would like something a bit more distinctive for you daughter, the choices below come highly recommended:

Adela, Adele

Amélie

Antonella

Aurelia

Belén

Belinda

Christabel

Cicely

Cybele

Eleni

Eliana, Eliane

Elke

Elodie

Eloise

Elspeth

Emmanuelle

Estella, Estelle

Fenella

Fiorella

Giselle

Hannelore

Mabel

Marcella

Marianela

Marielle

Marisela

Mirabel, Mirabella, Mirabelle

Raffaella, Raphaela

Rosabel

Zélie

Aaah, those are beautiful options, if I do say so myself!  

Nicknames as given names have become an increasingly common phenomenon.  People now choose Kate over Katherine, Jack over John, and Maggie over Margaret.  While these shortened forms are ages old and just as familiar as their original forms, they remain, traditionally speaking, nicknames.  Do you really want to be asked repeatedly "What's that short for?", only to be met with disappointment and a raised eyebrow when you reply that it's not short for anything?   

Often people choose a nickname to avoid confusion.  Why name her Sarah if we're going to call her Sadie?  The answer lies in tradition.  On a resume, people may have preconceived notions that Katie is youthful whereas Katherine sounds commanding and authoritative.  Likewise, Katherine may choose to go by Kate, Katie, Kathy, or Kat, but little Katie's options later in life are more limited.  The main reason to choose the full name however, is to be in keeping with history.  Putting a nickname on the birth certificate is ultimately a bit newfangled.  It's kind of like not using proper grammar because you can make yourself just as easily understood.  It's "ain't" versus "isn't."  While sometimes one can slide by in the spoken word, on paper, a colloquialism becomes glaringly evident.  Below are some of my favorite nicknames, and their proper name companions.*

LADIES

Beth, Betsy-Elizabeth

Carrie- Caroline, Charlotte

Coco- Caroline, Charlotte, Corinne, Cosima 

Ellie- Eleanor, Elena, Elizabeth, Eloise, Elspeth

Fifi- Fiona, Josephine

Gigi- Eugenie, Georgia, Georgina, Georgianna

Hattie- Harriet, Henrietta

Josie- Josephine

Lola- Delores, Laura, Louisa, Penelope

Lottie- Charlotte

Maggie- Magnolia, Margaret

Maisie- Margaret, Mary

Millie- Amelia, Emilia, Matilda, Millicent, Melisande

Molly- Mary

Nora- Eleanor, Eleanora, Leonor, Leonora

Polly- Apolline, Apollonia, Mary, Paula, Pauline

Poppy- Penelope

Posie- Josephine

Rosie- Primrose, Rose, Rosabel, Rosamel, Rosalie, Rosemary, Rosina

Sosie, Susie, Suzy- Susan, Susanna(h), Suzanne

Tillie- Matilda

Trixie- Beatrice, Beatrix

Zuzu, Zsuzsa- Susanna(h)

GENTS

Alex- Alexander (or Alexandra)

Charlie- Charles (or Charlotte)

Dan- Daniel

Dave- David

Hank- Henry

Harry- Harrison, Henry

Jack- John

Joe- Joseph

Rob, Robby- Robert

Sam- Samuel (or Samantha)

Sasha- Alexander

Tom- Thomas

*It is worth noting here that Lucy is not a nickname, but a full name in its own right.  Lucille, Lucinda, and Lucienne are derived from Lucy, and not visa versa.  This is a common misconception that I'd like to nip in the bud right now!

funnily enough, esmeralda never caught on as a baby name. 'emma' by hot chocolate was released in 1973...there are a LOT of 25-35 year olds called emma. at least two in every class during my school days.

download here

another bad creation - iesha

blacknuss - dinah

charme - georgy porgy

de la soul - jenifa taught me

hot chocolate - emma 

lloyd - hazel

prince - the ballad of dorothy parker

ryan leslie - irina

william bell - eloise

le gamby - esmeralda

sade - frankie's first affair

sister sledge - frankie

Quando un film riesce a farmi commuovere mi accorgo ancora di più di quanto tenga al cinema, soprattutto un film come Nuovo Cinema Paradiso. Il cinema che parla del cinema, un film che parla della passione travolgente del cinema, della forza di queste immagini in movimento che fanno ridere, piangere, innamorare, condividere, incuriosire, sognare. E' il racconto della vita di Totò, un futuro regista romano, nato a Giancaldo (un immaginario paesino siciliano) che scopre e condivide la passione per il cinema con Alfredo, il proiezionista del paese. E' la storia di un'amicizia, di una crescita, della presa di coscienza che la sala cinematografica stia perdendendo il suo facsino. E' un dolce inno al luogo del cinema per eccellenza: la sala buia che pian piano viene sostituito da altri luoghi più freddi, più anonimi, più asociali, è forse il riflesso di una società che si è costituita a partire dagli anni settanta in poi!??! Il Film di Tornatore è un inno a quel luogo che deve tornare a risplendere di quell'unico fascio di luce che va dal proiettore dritto sull'enorme e rassicurante schermo cinematografico. Bellissima la sequenza finale della pellicola polverosa lascita da Alfredo a Totò!!!

L'idea del Blog nasce dall'esigenza di non abbandonare i miei film; ne ho visti tanti e ne vedo tanti... mi piace l'idea di poter appuntare il lavoro che mi ha fatta esaltare piuttosto che annoiare, che mi ha divertita, che mi ha emozionata, che mi ha fatto venire voglia di lavorare in questo mondo e anche se le paure verso il futuro ci sono con la consapevolezza inoltre che non si sta parlando di un campo facile, non desisto dal desiderio di provarci... A chiunque leggendo sia venuto da esclamare in bocca al lupo... Bhè creeepiii!!!

As was pointed out at the meeting, I already wrote a bit of a profile in my side intro. Call me overly eager, but I just had so much to share. Still, I am a simple elf. It doesn't take much to keep me going. A little bag of cinnamon hearts here, a nicked wallet there... These things are the spice of life!  I live in an alley, as you know. I take care of many cats (eight and counting... Punchin, Bingie Bop, Sing Sing, Frito, Disco Ball, Mop, Pooper and Harold), and they are my closest pals, other than the Irrelevants, of course. I spend my days drifting in and out of sobriety and reading romance novels.

Ah, that's where the story gets sad. You see, I am without a lady elf. Chaisey's got Red Booth. Shagatha's got anyone she wants. Foxy, well, he doesn't say much about his exploits... But I know he has 'em. They call him Foxy for a reason. Even Empty Shell has her gay distinguished boyfriend Richard to hang out with. Panda was eaten, so I guess I can't count her. I'm not sure if Eye can do things like kissing (hey Eye, can you do things like kissing?).

Then there's me. When I ran away from Santa's workshop, I left all my romantic prospects behind me. There are So! Many! Lady! Elves! in the workshop. And they are all handy with a hammer, which is a tremendously useful trait to have in a mate. One lady elf that I think of day and night worked in the train repair shop. Her name was Eloise. She was a vision.

She was also an exotic elf dancer. But I know deep in my heart that she had eyes only for me.

Since settling in Ottawa, I have searched high and low for an elfy lady that could make me feel the way Eloise did (I've even looked in Greely, but you don't want to know what I found there). Who knew this city has such a low elf population! Had I realized, I would have begged Eloise to come join me in my alley. It's not much, but it's home.

Must get back to the kitties. If you hear of a lady elf about town, you'll let me know, won't you?

The Mrs' name is Jill.

 When I first met the Mrs, her father called her Jillybean

Eloise was called Ellie.

 Ellie Rhymes with Jelly.

Jellybean Rhymes with Elliebean.

Elliebean got shortened to The Bean.

Eloise called Madeline Maddie Mad

I added the Snoop to make it Snoop Maddie Mad

Snoop Maddie Mad sometimes gets shortened to Snoop Mad.

It's hard for me to get over the fact that I just read Tiger Lily Hutchence is eleven years old now.  Time flies, huh?

And if you haven't heard she is up for a movie role...yes, you guessed it:  the spunky little character of Eloise.  From the photo above one would think she'd be a perfect choice.  Maybe she will get the role and ask to be emancipated from Geldof.  Hey, it could happen.  ;-)

Check out the blurb from the Herald Sun.

I say "us" because I'm not alone on this one. I am in fact joined by a Very Special Celebrity Lost Co-Recapper of the Week: Ms. Britney Spears.

"Thanks yall. I am so delighted to be here. Steve, I got a lot going on right now, so if you could do the majority of the typing? And I could just chime in from time to time with some verbals? That would be great yall."

Of course! What a wonderful way to work. Delighted to have you, Brit. now let's give the people what they want.

We open on Desmond, who is looking at that fake pic of him and that sweet, caring woman from Tell Me You Love Me.

The chopper gang is zipping along in their chopper. Frank checks the coordinates. What's that, Frank? "Cheat sheet Faraday drew for me." It's got them coordinates on it. You gotta coooooordinate!

Sayid is concerned. "You don't know where your boat is?" Oh, we'll know where it is. Then it gets grey out, and they start hitting switches. "Why are you flying directly into the Mr. Potato Head?" asks Sayid. Frank's like, is it Frank's? Thanks.

Sayid continues to ask a question every time the blades go around once. Charlie said Penny wasn't on the boat, so what do you think you're gonna find on the plane, Des? "Answers."

Let's tag along with our time-warping A-Team and get some of those answers.

So things get extra rocky again, and the flight goes back on that wrongo trajectory that Danny Dunn Faraday warned Frank about. Things get grey and weird, and there are big, bright flashes of white light. Frank tells them to hold on - good call! - and Des grabs the bottom of his seat, which becomes...

His bed. He's back in the military!

Time travel in the house. The commander-type guy barks at him: "What's the matter, Hume? Did you not hear me?" Sorry sir, says Des, I was 'aving a dream. "Was it about taking so sodding long ot get to your mark?" Ha, that would be ironic.

Des says, "I was in a helicopter, sir. And there was a storm, sir. And...I don't remember the rest, sir." So he remembers the future! This ep is good.

"Well at least it was a bloody military dream," shouts the guy from Dinner: Impossible. And we're outside. As punishment for Desmond's sodding long trip to the lineup, they're doing pushups in the rain, now some crunches, pilates, hip-hop krav-maga yoga, etc. The guy shouts at Des some more, and suddenly...

Des is back in the chopper again! A burst of bright white light hits his face.

Des unhooks his belt. Sayid tries to hold him down, but he stares at Sayid with utter confusion. "Who are you?! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?!"

Come on, Des. It's Sayid. Sayid who? Sayid Jarrah. Sayid Jarrah who? Oh, pickle you, kumquat.

We join the always-boring duo of Juliet and Jack, kicking it on the island with the new kids. Jack wants to know why it's been a day and they haven't heard from them. C.S. Lewis is like, I don't know, how should I know? She makes lots of nasty faces, and Dan makes the "we're not friends, I just work with her" face.

Juliet is like, hmm, but why aren't you worried, C.S. Lewis? She gets sarcastic again, and Dan breaks in to suggest that maybe they should just tell J&J what's up. Charlotte zings him with the evil eye, zing zing zing!

"Dan, let's not confuse anyone," says Charlotte.

Dan continues anyway. "Your perception of how long your friends have been gone? It's not 'necessarily' how long they've actually been gone." Nice!! Time travel fans everywhere are crapping their pants in the loveliest way possible. Dan says it'll be all good in the hood if Frank follows the coordinates. And if not? "Then there might be side effects." Cool!

Back on the chopper, Sayid tries to restrain Desmond. Frank is like, hey, we'll be there in two minutes, let's not crash the chopper and die over this.

And whaddaya know? It's the boat.

"I knew they were gonna get to that boat yall!"

Ha, me too, Brit! I totally forgot you were here.

When they land, Sayid grabs his gun, and two guys roll up on them. Frank tells the Boat Boys that Des started acting funny when they hit some turbulence, which leads to them making faces that suggests this has happened before.

One of the Boat Buddies tells Sayid they're gonna take Des to the sick bay, and his creepy smile suggests that there's not a lot of wiggle room in the plan. Des keeps saying he doesn't know anybody. So it's Military Des stuck in Island Des's body? This is great.

Now we're back in the military, and Des is aware of his jumping around through time, which is awesome. He tells some other dude that he left their military unit, was on a boat, then came right back here where he started. The dude asks him who else was on the boat. That's a weird quesiton, eh? Des remembers Penny was in the photo, but that's about it. He goes to call her and gets shoved by another soldier by the pay phone. "Thanks for this morning, Hume." No love!

Just like that, Des is back on the boat, stumbling on the deck. We got some time warp action this week, peoples! But is it underwater. Because I'd love me some underwater time warp action. Probably asking too much, huh. The Boat Bros walk Des downstairs, introduce themselves, tell him where they're from - but stop short of explaining where they are, exactly. Only that they last ported in Fiji, "so at least we know we're still in the Pacific."

Hmm...still in the Pacific. But where?

"They could be underwater in the Pacific yall!"

We are simpatico, Brit Brit.

They put Des in a dingy medical room. "Hey! Hey," someone calls out. It's Phoebe's psychiatrist boyfriend Roger! As played by Fischer Stevens.

"It's happening to you, too, isn't it?" Des is like, oh wow. I knew I was crazy, but not that crazy. Homeboy looks crazy all strapped up in the bed. Am I strapped-up-in-the-bed crazy? Perhaps, Des. Perhaps.

We're on deck of the boat again. Sayid watches Frank and the big dude argue. Sayid wants to know what's up with Desmond, but Frank says he doesn't know. Sayid wants to know how they took off at dusk and landed in daylight, but Frank isn't a big enough character to reveal that now, is he. "Listen, I don't know what's happening to your buddy, alright? But you gotta trust me when I tell you this: I am trying to help you." Sayid suggests he can do that "You give me that weapon and I'll give you this phone," offers Frank. Sayid goes for it. "Be quick. Don't go trying to call Baghdad, those phones can only call each other." I say he should still try to call Baghdad and save a few bucks on a phone card.

Sayid calls Jack and tells him about what happened to Desmond, and Daniel is worried. "Has your friend...Desmond...has he recently been exposed to high levels of radiation of electromagnetism?" Going to or coming from the island, "People can get a little...confused." What is this, amnesia? "No, this is not amnesia." And he makes a weird, concerned, aware-of-what's-going-on face.

"I had amnesia once. It's different than this yall."

Word. So we're in the sick bay, where Desmond is staring into the Fischer's eyes, which go from blank to alert again. "I was just on a Ferris wheel," he says. Time travel is awesome.

Now the doc's here, getting a shot ready. Fischer Stevens tells the doctor, Ray, that he's not crazy, that it's happening to Des too, and that it's going to start happening to everyone when they "start going to that island again." Des is concerned. Ray goes in to give bed guy a shot and tells him to relax.

But does he relax? Not exactly. He kind of flips out. "Nothing can stop it, Ray! Nothing can stop it!" Stop what?

Des makes it clear that he's not feeling the needle, so Ray puts the needle away and takes out one of those doctor-light things to check his eyes. "Desmond, why don't you tell me about the last thing you remem - "

Back in the military era, Des picks up his coin and gets back on the phone. This is the best flash-whoshewhatsit ever, bar none, including the candy bar, Bar None. Des is like, Yo Penny, I'm confused, I need to see you. She's mad that he broke up with her and joined the army. But Pen, I got two days leave, let's do this! She's not into it, and she tells him not to show up at the flat, because she's moved. Where, asks Des? "That doesn't matter." Ah, but it does, Penny Power.

Now Desmond's back with the doc, who's still looking in his eyes. "Did you just...experience something, Desmond?" Before he can answer, Frank and Sayid roll in. They got Faraday on the phone. Ray is hating. "Faraday is not talking to my patient!" Oh, I bet he is though.

Sayid ain't having it. He throws Ray up against the wall and tells Frank to give Des the phone. Dan's on speakerphone on the other line. Isn't this an occasion not to use speakerphone? People are so rude these days. Dan guesses Desmond won't remember him from before the chopper flight, and he's right. "Desmond, we don't have long to talk, so I need you to tell me what year you think it is."

"What do you mean what year do I...it's 1996!"

Sayid is like, What? I wasn't really listening. Did he say 1996?

Dan is like, Oh man, 1996.

Jack's like, Yo Juliet, did you hear what I just heard? Did he say 1996?

Juliet's like, Yup. He definitely said 1996.

Is it me, or does Juliet know what's going on?

"Desmond, look, you gotta tell me. Where are you?"

"I'm in some kind of sick bay."

"No, no, no, not right now, dumbass. Where are you supposed to be? Where are you in 1996?"

Des tells him he's in Glasgow.

"Get on a train and go to Oxford University, Queens College Physics department."

"Why?"

"Because I need you to find me."

This is what I'm talking about!

"It's like Back to the Future II yall!"

It is like Back to the Future II! Almost exactly like it.

After the break, Dan's a-rummagin' through his bag. He needs his journal or else he won't believe Desmond. Jack asks what's up, and Dan explains that "it's unpredictable, it's a random effect. Sometimes the split is only a couple of hours, sometimes it's years." Whoa, says Jack. This happened before? Charlotte just wants everyone to shut the hell up. Look at her face.

"When you find me at Queens College, I need you to tell me to set the device to 2.342...and it must be oscillating at 11 hertz."

Des writes it down on his hand. And Charlotte looks like she just double-crapped her pants.

"One more thing - if the numbers don't convince me, I need you to tell me that you know about Eloise."

The Boat Boyz break the door down and take the phone. And Des is back in the phone booth! It's a great shot.

He drops the phone. He checks his hand. It's blank.

So his body isn't traveling back and forth through time. That much we know.

Next, we see Desmond at Queens College.

"Sorry, are you Daniel Faraday?"

Dan looks confused.

"And you are...?"

"Ahh, I'm sorry playa. I'm Desmond Hume. I was told I could find you here. I think I've just been to the future."

"The future?"

Des explains the plan, and Dan delivers that classic initial reaction that we all deliver when confronted by someone who's just traveled through time to meet us - who put you up to this? Dan thinks it's a prank until Des relays the numbers from future Dan. Actually, he still thinks it's a prank, but he wants to know who gave him the numbers. "You did." That's ridiculous. "I know about Eloise." And then, the classic, wow, you did just travel through time, reaction.

Cut to Dan's lab. "This is where I do the things Oxford frowns upon." They try to figure out the whole future thing. "This future version of me, uh, he referenced this meeting, right? Obviously. So I would remember you coming to Oxford, right? I would remember this, here, right now."

"Actually, uh...no. Maybe you just forgot."

"Yeah, right, how would that happen." But we all saw Dan struggling with the card/memory game, so it does happen.

Desmond takes his stab at talkin' future stuff. "So this, this is changing the future?"

"You can't change the future." Interesting! Dan puts a lead jacket on. Des wants one, but Des says it's just for prolonged exposure. So what do you put on your head, asks Des. "Ha...yeah." Dude, put something on your head! Or don't. It's your memory, homie.

Dan puts a lab rat in a box. "This is Eloise." Then he puts her in a maze. "If the numbers you gave me are correct, this will unstick Eloise in time, just like you." Dan gets his wacky ray gun going and zaps Eloise with the juice.

Zzzzzap! Rat's done.

It takes her a few seconds to come "back" according to Dan, then Eloise starts running through the maze. She's doing it. Dan giggles with glee. She's doing it. Dan cackles with delight. She gets all the way through! Dan has an orgasm.

"It worked! This is incredible."

"I'm sorry, how is a rat running through a bloody maze so incredible?"

"What's incredible, is I just finished the maze this morning." That's not that incredible. It's just a wooden maze! Oh, wait, there's more. "I'm not gonna teach her how to run it until an hour from now."

So he sent her to the future?

Des: "So you sent her to the future?"

"Consciousness. Her mind."

"So how does that help me?" wonders Des.

"You? Help? I don't understand. Am I supposed to help you? Didn't I send you back here to help me?"

"I don't know why you sent me here! All I know about you is, you end up on some bloody island."

"An island? Why would I go to an isl - "

Ah, Des, no luck. It's not gonna be that easy, playa. Because you're back on the boat, and things is out of control.

Frank tells everyone to relax. "Daniel wanted to talk to the guy, so we brought him the phone, that's all."

The tall Boat Guy says, "You let Faraday talk to him?"

"He said he could help!"

Ray's still hating. "Faraday can't even help himself!" Did you discover time travel, Ray? Then quit hating! Hating-ass Ray. The Boat Buds drag Frank off to the captain, locking Sayid, Desmond and the other guy in the sick bay.

Des grabs the doctor light and starts flashing it in his own eyes. He's getting the hang of the time travel thing. Sayid doesn't get it. "Desmond, can you please explain to me - "

"Desmond?" The crazy guy speaks! They turn. "You're Desmond?"

"Do I know you?"

"I'm George Minkowski." Holla back! "I'm the communications officer. Before they strapped me down here, all the calls to and from this boat came through me in the radio room. And every so often, I'd get this flashing light on my console - an incoming call. We were under strict orders never to answer it."

Des says, "So? What's that got to do with me?" Probably nothing, Des.

George takes us to commercial with a real doozy: "Those calls came from your girlfriend, Penelope Widmore."

This is my favorite episode ever, this week.

"Me too yall!"

Great. So Des comes to and he's back in Dan's office. He's been out for 75 minutes, catatonic. But he was only in the future for five minutes. Dan is calculating his consciousness, how it's jumping around and it's exponential, all that good stuff. But Des notices that Eloise is dead. Dan's like, yeah, the effects seem to vary, blah blah blah. Des ain't quite so lackadaisical. He grabs Dan-O by his rumpled collar.

"If this keeps happening, am I gonna die?!"

Dan doesn't know, but he has some ideas. "I think Eloise's brain short-circuited. The jumps between the present and the future, she eventually...she couldn't tell which was which. She had no anchor."

"Whaddaya mean, anchor?" Yes, Dan, what do you mean? We're all listening.

"Something familiar in both times. All this, see this? This is all variables. It's random, it's chaotic. Every equation needs stability, something known. It's called a constant. Desmond...you have no constant. When you go to the future, nothing there is familiar. So if you wanna stop this, then you need to find something there, something that you really, really care about, that also exists back here, in 1996."

Des needs a moment to take it all in.

"This constant...can it be a person?"

Dan's expressions indicate that he's hanging on Desmond's every word. Is this a little fishy? Is it all a setup to get Des to make contact with Penny in the future? Dan's face is really, really weird here, don't you think?

"Yeah, maybe. But you'd have to make some kind of contact."

What's that all about? As much as I enjoy Dan's character, I wonder what his motivations are. Des starts to dial the phone. "Can you see her on the boat, in the middle of nowhere?" How does Dan know the boat's in the middle of nowhere? Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Let's move on.

Dan: "Uh, who are you calling?"

"I'm calling my bloody constant."

Hahahaha.

We snap back to the future. Des catches a reflection in the mirror, and it ain't pretty.

George knows what's up. "You look a lot older now, huh? Welcome back, Desmond." Des tells Sayid he needs to call Penny, and Sayid is like, not the time for that playboy. But Desmond convinces him that it's important.

George says, Whoa, not that easy. "Two days ago, someone sabotaged all the equipment. We lost all communication with the mainland. I probably could have fixed it, but...then I went nuts."

Sayid doesn't care about that part. "Where's the radio room?"

"It's one deck up. I'll take you there. Come on."

"And how do we get out of here?"

"Through the door?"

"The door is ajar, yall!" -Britney

It's not a jar, dumbass. It's a door. Oh...ajar! Sorry, Brit.

"Be nice. words matter yall."

They do! So the door is open. And George gives us a cryptic clue: "Looks like you guys have a friend on this boat." Taller Walt? They go to leave, but first Des has to...

End up back in 1996. We're in a ritzy-ass auction house, or an Old Spice commercial, hard to say. There's a big painting of what the auctioneer reveals to be the Black Rock, and a leather-bound book in a glass case.

The auctioneer talks about how the boat was lost at sea, and all that was found was this neat-ass journal, which pirates found seven years later. "The contents of this journal have never been made public, nor are known to anyone outside of the family of the sellar, Tovard Hanso." Bidding opens at 150,000 pounds - and the bidder is Charles Widmore!

Awesome! Hanso biz, you know what it is. Widmore's gonna get that journal. The bids go up and up, and Desmond tries to interrupt, but security holds him back. Only after Widmore wins the auction does he turn to see...

"Mr. Widmore!"

"Desmond?"

"Can I have a word, sir?"

Widmore's like, sure. "Walk with me." And it turns out that's rich-guy slang for, "Let's go talk while I take a piss."

"Your word, let's have it."

"I need to get in touch with Penny. I don't know how to reach her, and her number's been disconnected."

Widmore blames Desmond's cowardice for ruining the relationship. "I take it you've had second thoughts? And you'd like her to give you another chance."

"Why do you hate me so much?"

Widmore snickers.

"Mmm, Snickers! Love em yall!"

Me too, Brit! But I meant that he makes a snickering sound.

"Ohhhhhhh. Sorry yall."

So Widmore snickers. "It's not me who hates you." What does that mean? Is it a reference to Penny, or to a larger conspiracy? "Here's her address. I'll let you tell her yourself."

Des flashes back on the boat. George is like, "I know, it's getting harder. It starts happening faster, too." George is cool. Des wants to know how George got all screwed up. Turns out they were anchored here, got bored and decided to take a trip to check out the island. But the other guy went crazy, and now he's in a body bag. Des senses he's headed for the same fate, and is so not feeling it. They get to the communication room, and Sayid asks who messed everything up. "Ya got me," says George, "But when the captain finds out, I feel sorr - "

Faceplant! George doesn't look too hot.

Sayid is confused. "After your call, someone has to tell me precisely what is going on." You and me both, Sayid! You and me both. Sayid gets working on the phone but Des doesn't have the number. Meanwhile, George is convulsing. Des sees the calendar on the wall and realizes it's 2004. Then Sayid lets him know his nose is bleeding. Now George is convulsing some more and bleeding a lot.

"I...can't...get...back!"

And then, he dead, son. And if you haven't caught on yet, Desmond needs to hurry up and do something before he gets deaded too.

After the break, we open with the overflowing sink from when Widmore left it on before, and Desmond lying on the floor. He turns the water off and splashes it on his face. This week is up there on the Excite-O-Meter! Fortunately, Des still has the card with Pen's address - 423 Cheyne Walk. And Penny is thrilled to see him.

Okay, not thrilled, more shocked and horrified.

She says she's trying to make a clean break, but Des needs that phone number, and he's persistent. After begging her to listen, Penny relents and lets him in. He tells her that he needs to call her eight years from now, and he needs her number to do it. She's understandably confused. But he persists. He pleads. He insists. Finally, she relents. "If I give you the number, will you leave?"

"Ay."

"7946, 0893." Anyone know what that's about? Des starts repeating it to himself. "All that and you're not going to write it down?" asks Pen. No time to explain time travel, it's time TO time travel!

"Let's do it yall!"

FfffwwwwooooOOOoooshhh!

Back on the boat. Sayid needs the number. Des still got it! Sayid dials, and the call goes through, but the battery might not last long. Surprise, surprise. The phone rings. Here goes nothing...or everything.

Someone picks up. "Hello?"

"Penny?"

"Desmond??!!"

Back in 1996, a weary smile comes over Desmond's face.

Holla at ya constant!

We flash back to Desmond in 2004, who also looks relieved.

"Penny! Penny, you answered...you answered, Penny." Yeah, she answered! Can we make with some questions?

"Des, where are you?"

"I'm...I'm...I'm on a boat. Um...I've been on an island..." Spit it out, brotha!! "Oh my God, Penny, is that really you?" YES IT'S HER!

"Yeah, yes, it's me!" WE KNOW DOGGY!

"You believe me! You still care about me."

"I've been looking for you for the past three years. I know about the island. I've been researching it *GDKFDFstaticJJKFstaticHFSHSH* And then, when I spoke to your friend Charlie, that's when I knew you were still alive. That's when I knew I wasn't crazy." WE KNOW ALL THAT ALREADY! TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!

"Des, are you still there?"

"Yes, yes I'm here! I'm still here! Can you hear me?" SHE CAN HEAR YOU KILLA!

"Yeah, yeah, that's better." Oh man. We're not getting any more juicy info, are we.

"I love you, Penny. I've always loved you. I'm so sorry. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I don't know where I am, but - "

"I'll find you, Des"

"I promise - "

"No matter what - "

"I'll come back to you - "

"I won't give up - "

"I promise - "

"I promise - "

Then, in unison: "I love you." And the line goes dead. Back to the lonely, dirty-ass boat.

Sayid catches feelings off the conversation. "I'm sorry, the power source went dead. That's all we have."

"Thank you, Sayid. It was enough." He knows Sayid again. Desmond 2004 is back! Holla.

"Are you alright now?"

"Ay. I'm perfect."

After a nice aerial shot of the boat, we're back on the island with Faraday. He's flipping through his journal. Suddenly, his face becomes possessed with something, as if he's looking for something but doesn't know what it is.

And then he turns the page and finds it.

Whoa! That's a hell of a reveal. So is this 1996 Daniel, time-tripping this way and that? Is that why he's so terrible at the card game? Because he hasn't had a constant? This is shaping up to be a doozy of a semi-season.

Next week: we're back on the island! And things look out of control.

"Okay, I gotta go yall."

Thanks, Brit! You brought a lot to the table, literally. And thanks to everyone else for joining us at Lost Recaps. Please add your thoughts about the ep in the comments section.

And who knows? With a little bit of luck, we might kick off that oft-promised weekly Lost coverage next week. Do stop back!