XOXO,

Ellie

This is Ellie talking 'bout her band! It's with my friend Ella. We rock. We think our name is going to be Melting Fire. We liked Eclipse but were pretty sure that's already a band. I think I'm gonna write the songs (Ella can't remember the melody). I really hope we get famous!

XOXO,
Ellie

It was such a process, from first meeting to our wedding day that JD and I journeyed through. Of course, I was aware of the process a full year before JD clued in, but you can read more about that here. What probes my mind and intrigues my heart is the idea that God, when joining JD and I together, not only had our future in mind as husband and wife, but also had in mind the lives of our children. God made us for her, her for us.

I so distinctly remember the conversation JD and I had under the open moonlit courtyard in UCLA's English department building. I remember him taking me there, to a place that nourished his soul. The bench where literature came alive and awakened his senses to the deeper parts of the world that God so creatively loves for us to uncover. JD can still romance his way through a novel, exploring its meaning and the author's ingenuity at creating the masterpiece at hand. I'm mostly clueless. At that bench JD nervously admitted it was time to pursue life together as a couple, a confession that took him months to realize, and a few more months to admit out loud.

When I nurse our daughter in the silent hours of the night, my mind traces back to the earlier days of our still young relationship... Late night walks on campus, candlelit dinners of puerto rican beans and rice, Chaucer, camping trips, the proposal.

Seems like yesterday, but it also seems like a lifetime ago...

We were so excited to move here, anxious to really begin life as a married couple. Months after living here I knew I wanted a baby. It didn't seem right, though. Didn't really fit me - a feminist, an educated postmodern gal with years of grad school to tackle... mostly, it didn't fit because I was a young woman whose friends were all in different life stages, and I was terrified of being different. Not to mention the fact that family lives 2500 miles away.

We weren't trying to have a baby. "It was a surprise," we told everyone. Boy was it. The look on JD's face when I showed him the pregnancy test was priceless. Total bewilderment. Utter shock. And then pure joy. I lived in a tension of excitement and shame. Excitement, because I really felt like God had planted an unexplainable desire in my heart for this baby to be born, and shame - because motherhood at age 23 didn't fit the mold I so desperately wanted to fit myself.

We made it through those nine months - through sickness and health (mostly sickness) - coming out more in love than we thought possible. When I stare at her chubby cheeks and long, narrow baby feet, I actually smile at the thought of those early hours in the morning when JD held my hair back as I went through my daily vomiting ritual, and then proceeded to the kitchen to make me my english muffin egg-white ham and cheese sandwhich.

What a man I've married.

Our house isn't very organized. We tend to gravitate toward clutter, and the decor is somewhat hodgepodge. We haven't at all figured our little one out - what her cries mean, why she has gas, how to calm her down once she's gotten all worked up, or how to really tackle those cloth diapers we were so passionate to use. If you were to walk into our house on any given day, it most likely would appear a little chaotic...

But I'm ok with that right now.

She's here. Our baby girl. I knew she was a girl.

I think more than anything else, I'm mostly amazed that the process that began four years ago was a process that would begin someone else's life. Those late night talks, literature classes, midnight praise and worship sessions, petty arguments, and brie fests were meant for more than just us. They were meant for her too. Somehow, they laid a foundation for her life. Our story began hers.

Elianna is Hebrew for "God has answered me." I pray this meaning would delve deeply into her soul and permeate the core of her existence.

This I pass on to you, my daughter... Ask. It will take you years to learn how, and even longer to find a stride where you know when, how, and what to ask for. God is not a genie. But I pray that you struggle through the process of learning our Creator's passion and desire for you while on this earth. Ask, and may the meaning of your name be the center of your love affair with Jesus.

What?! Another baby? My oh my!

Sweet Ava with her big blue eyes!!! Going on 14 weeks!

Can I hold your hand?

Look at my long arms!!!!

Shortly after this little photo shoot, I put Ellie on her stomach to see what she would do - and sure enough - she rolled over! Then I thought I might try video-taping it, so I put her back on her stomach, and she rolled over again - this time with tears and grunting because silly mom didn't think about the fact that rolling over twice in a row for a three week old is like a 23 year old running a marathon! Mom paid dearly for it for about 15 minutes while a very over tired Ellie fell asleep. Anyhow, I'd show the video but you might report me. Some other day... ;)

The grandparents are gone.

We check in with one another often. "How are you doing?" I ask JD in the morning. He looks at me with tired eyes. "I'm doing pretty good, but I feel so tired." Later JD asks me the same thing. I give the same answer. Our new normal.

We bring Ellie into bed with us for snuggles and smiles. Mornings are the best!

Mondays are our days off. I still have 6 weeks of maternity leave, so now Mondays are just JD's day off. Pre-Ellie days often saw us at Sandy Beach, Ala Moana mall, North Shore, or a day lounging around the house. In an effort to create our new normal, we opted for a trek to Sandy's so JD could get in some much needed bodysurfing.

Before Elianna, we would quickly pack our towels, JD's fins, sunscreen, and water and then jump into Glorious Gloria and hit the road.

Today, our outing looked a little bit like this:

Nurse Elianna at 11:00 am for 30 minutes. JD changes Ellie's diaper and dresses her in the onesie I had picked out for the day. The onesie is too big. Try on outfit number two. I quickly figure out some sort of beach outfit that does not include a bathing suit (cuz the bod's still sore) and gingerly get dressed. Place Elianna in her car seat, re-stock the diaper bag, grab two beach mats and two beach towels, and make two trips out to the car. Well, three. I take one trip, JD takes two.

Arrive at Sandy's and lay out a neat little area for Ellie. Elianna stays asleep in her carseat, fully protected from the sun, wind and sand. JD hits the waves, and I permanently develop a crick in my neck from straining to make sure Ellie is still alive. Talk with mom on the phone.

At 1:30 I wave JD in. Ellie nurses in half an hour and I do NOT want to nurse at the beach. The Costco parking lot would be MUCH better...

We drive our 1978 VW rust bucket of a bus to Costco in Hawaii Kai (much closer than home at this point, and let's be honest - $1.50 lunch is pretty great) and park. I climb to the back seat, open all the windows AND DOOR to the bus and begin nursing (covered of course) while JD grabs the hot dogs and soda. We make ourselves a little picnic in the bus and eat lunch - all three of us. It is a silent lunch, as I am concentrating hard on Elianna and JD is too tired to talk. Eventually I ask JD what he is thinking about. "Well, I'm sorta thinking about what people are thinking when they walk by us."

He has a point. Here we are, two young people in the back of a very beat up VW bus with a baby on the boob and hot dog wrappers on the floor. "I bet they think we're a bunch of vagabonds on the run." We laugh hysterically because oh my goodness we must look ridiculous!!!

After our lunch we decide to pick up a roast chicken at Costco for dinner. Neither of us feels like cooking. JD treats me to a frosted brownie at Starbucks and we're off again. Ellie nurses in an hour and a half, and it's a 30-40 minute drive home.

The rest of the night goes like this:

5:00 pm - Ellie nurses.

5:40 pm - JD changes diaper while I start the bath for Elle.

5:45 pm - Ellie screams her head off while I give her a bath. JD boils water for pesto pasta

6:00 pm - Ellie POOPS in her bath towel after I have cleaned her all off. She continues to scream.

6:15 pm - finally give in and give her the pacifier. Ellie falls asleep. We eat dinner and watch Friends for a couple hours.

8:00 pm - time to nurse again. At this point, we'll move to the bedroom and start the bedtime ritual, which involves nursing, diapering, watching Scrubs ;), and praying that she has another 6 hour stretch in the night...

Tomorrow we'll start all over again... our new normal. I think I'm getting used to it. I think this is a good thing. And with a little being that is SO DARN CUTE, well, I think it's totally worth it.

I finally caught a (half) smile on camera:

Remember this sweet chubby one?

She's still waiting for a home, just like the next shelter kitty.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the island, "Town" refers to Honolulu and the surrounding urban area, while "Country" refers to the more rural parts of the island - mostly areas that are not "Town."

We waited until Elianna was finished with her 10:00 feeding, and then packed up for Ala Moana mall, which is a gorgeous mall with plenty of lounge areas for nursing. One of the families in our youth group gave me a super generous gift certificate to Macys so that I could by some non-maternity clothes while I wait for my pre-pregnancy body to return (although I'm not sure it will... those hips had to spread!!!). Since none of my non-maternity shorts fit me, I was determined to find some cute shorts/skirts to wear in the interim!

Back to Ellie...

We nurse our usual 40 minutes and hop into the car. Elianna sleeps over the Pali Hwy and into town. She loves this car business! After parking, I decide it's time for a treat so mommom, pops, and I head to Starbucks for an iced chai latte. All that walking and driving you see. Takes it right out of me! After a little rest, we head to Macys. Pops goes to stores of his liking while mommom and I stroll a sleeping Ellie up to the gal's clothing.

And then the crying begins.

We check her diaper - clean and dry. We pick her up and cuddle (she's a sucker for cuddling) - not working. I ask mom to check the time... yup. Sure is 1:00 pm and time for her next feeding. We head into the ladies room and the fancy lounge to nurse for 40 minutes. Mind you, she is actually eating for 40 minutes... this does not include the burping and diapering that often accompanies the feeding. Shortly after 2:00 pm we leave the ladie's lounge with a very content Ellie. Mom and I head to the ladie's department for a quick try-on and purchase. Elianna wakes up and cries her little heart out while I speed try on one piece of clothing. Mommom takes her and walks around the store while I make my purchase. We check her diaper - yup, poo #2 of the outing. Mom and I head out of the store to change her once again. Elianna stops crying for about ten minutes, when she decides to poop again. Diaper change #3.

Pops finds us again and we quickly make our way to the other two places we'd hope to go (Janie & Jack, and Barnes & Noble to pick up youth ministry books). While we browse through the outrageously cute baby clothes that Ellie doesn't need, I begin leaking out of my bra on a gray shirt. Time to go. The world does not need to see giant wet boob. I rush to find the books for the evening's youth event (not easy with a crying infant in a stroller) and Pops gets the car. He parks illegally for a moment and we cram stroller, car seat, and shopping bags into the car... hoping to head back in time to change for a senior graduation dinner at Buca di Beppos. It's 3:20, and we are supposed to leave our house around 4 pm (30 minute drive)...

And then I get us lost.

Downtown Honolulu is no piece of cake. The streets are not cookie-cutter LA streets, and because I usually do the passengering, I forgot how to get onto the Pali.

We rush back home, after heading the wrong way on the freeway for a while, and Ellie needs to nurse again.

At 5 we reach the restaurant. The rest of party, situated in the Pope's room, had been there for half an hour. And this is life with a baby... Elianna did mostly ok at the dinner, with a few poops and some good ole' infant hollering that everyone at Buca got to enjoy.

The greatest thing in the world about our adventures?

Ellie slept for 7 hours. WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.  Bananas

2.  Apples

3.  Jonas Brothers

4.  Spinach

5.  Pop Rocks

6.  Sparklers

Oh to be 4!  Not sure what grocery store she is planning on shopping at - they don't usually sell teenage pop stars at the stores I frequent.  The spinach has me puzzled as well since she would never actually eat it.  In fact she was served it at the babysitter's house one day and told me that she had to eat seaweed for lunch.  All in all, a well rounded list to be sure - she has fruit, veggies, dessert and entertainment!  What made you laugh today?

As previously mentioned our son was born into the world on 1st July. Here is the story of what happened.

It is now a week since our son, Liam was born. So, I thought it was about time that I shared with you all the story of how he came into the world.

I was woken at around 2.15am on Monday night/Tuesday morning depending on how you think. Gemma was complaining about pains in her back that were coming and going. We weren't too concerned at this stage because Gemma had had similar pains the previous couple of nights.

As time went on the pains showed no sign of going away, so it was fair to assume that Gemma was now in labour. The contractions were now gathering momentum so it was time to make some phone calls.

First up, was the hospital, to let them know and for Gemma to talk through what was happening with a midwife. Secondly, was a phone call to my Mum, who was going to come up to our house and look after Ellie.

On the advice of the midwife I ran Gemma a bath, as this would bring on the contractions, and also to help alleviate the pain. As each contraction came, it was my job to time them, whilst massaging Gemma's back to help with the pain. With each contraction they would get longer and stronger.

With all our moving about upstairs we had disturbed Ellie and woken her up. She was brilliant, and took everything in her stride.
I took her back to bed and explained what was happening, how Mummy was going to have "baby Liam" or "Baby Liram" as Ellie calls him. and that Nana was coming to look after her. Ellie had been given a "Baby is Coming"  book which had help us to explain what would happen.

"Mummy, you ok?" she'd keep asking. We reassured her that everything was fine.

We settled Ellie back into bed and went downstairs to wait for my Mum so that we didn't disturb her any more that was needed.
Another phone call was made to the hospital to tell them that the contractions were a lot stronger now. At this point the midwife suggested that we make our way to the hospital.

We were getting nervous now.

We were hoping that my Mum would arrive soon, as it was about an hours drive from my parents to our house.

At about 4.30am, my Mum arrived. This was a huge relief as it meant we could now get in the car and head to the hospital. We left the house with a shout of "Good Luck" from my Mum.

We made our way to the hospital. Most of the lights seemed to be going for us, but as we got close to the hospital, we stopped at one set of lights and it dawned on me that we'd been following a car with a couple in it since we left our street.

"What's the betting that they're going to the hospital too," I said. "Where else would a couple be going at this time of morning?"

And sure enough they pulled into the hospital car park ahead of us.
Gemma and I headed into the hospital and found way to the delivery suites. A midwife admitted us and showed us to an assessment room. She told us that someone would be along as soon as possible as they were having a few deliveries at that moment, but in the meantime could you please pee in this tiny pot.

The contractions were really kicking in now, much more regular and stronger.

After about 20 mins or so a midwife arrived to check on Gemma. After a quick chat and seeing Gemma having her contractions she suggested that we all move straight to a delivery room.

We made Gemma comfortable as the midwife got everything prepared for the delivery. After everything was ready, Gemma began to say that she needed to push. After a quick examination Gemma was about 5cm dilated.

Halfway there!

And it wasn't long before Gemma was ready to push the baby into the big, wide world. Gemma began the process of pushing with a little help from the Entonox, to take away the edge of the pain. Everything was going really well.

Up until this point, Gemma's water had not broken.That was all about to change.

As Gemma continued to push, her waters finally gave way. And in quite spectacular fashion - all over the midwife!

The midwife told us that it would not be much longer now until baby arrived.

About this time the Entonox was only just having the desired effect for the pain, so Gemma asked for something a little stronger like Pethidine, but the midwife told her that it was too late to administer anything, as it wouldn't have the desired effect.

"You'll just have to grit your teeth," she said.

Shortly after the waters had gone, his little head began to show. There is something quite magical about seeing your child coming into the world, and the second one is no less special.

One more big push and he would slip out into the world.

At 6.26am Liam David was born into the world. He weighed in at 7lb 6oz (or 3.37Kg for those of you more metrically inclined) It took a couple of seconds to make his first sound, but when he did it was such a huge relief to know that he was alright.

The midwife then handed me a pair of scissors so that I could cut his cord. Cutting the cord was not easy - its a bit like trying to cut a thick piece of rubber with children's safety scissors. It didn't help that I was in an awkward position holding Gemma's hand at one end of the bed and trying to reach to the other. After a couple of snips though, Liam was free, and on his own.

After a quick wipe down Liam was put onto Gemma's stomach for some bonding time, while the midwife tended to Gemma. Gemma had torn a little during the delivery and needed a few stitches. (I actually lost count of how many) She'll be a little sore for a few days.

Once Gemma was stitched up and cleaned a little, Liam had his first feed. He was pretty hungry, feeding for a good 30 to 40 minutes.

The midwives left us alone for a while as we got to know our new son, and at this point I took the opportunity to firstly ring Ellie to tell her that she had a new baby brother and that I'd come and fetch her so that she could meet him.

I also rang the proud grandparents to tell them the good news. Even managed to get an early picture sent to them from my mobile phone.

The midwives even arranged for some breakfast to be brought into us, which was gratefully received, even if Gemma wasn't up to eating much. After toast and coffee we decided that I'd go home to fetch Ellie so that she could meet Liam on her own.

When arrived at home Ellie was tucking into some toast. She was very excited about going to see her little brother. After collecting a couple of additional things for Gemma, Ellie and I headed to the hospital.

On the way we stopped off so that Ellie could buy Liam a little present. She chose a small blue teddy-bear for him. We arrived back at the hospital and spent about 5 minutes trying to find a parking space. That was one good thing about going to the hospital in the middle of the night, there was no shortage of spaces.

Ellie and I arrived at the Delivery suite and you could really tell that she was getting excited. We were let in, and as soon as we were through the door Ellie was off. It was as if she knew exactly which room he was in. Gemma said that she could hear Ellie coming from a mile off. Ellie greeted Gemma with a big hug, and then she wanted to see her little brother.

"Baby Liram" she said excitedly, as she pointed at the cot. I lifted her up so that she could have her first proper look at Liam. Ellie was really happy.

"I like Baby Liram" she said.

After the introductions we had to wait for the Doctor and midwives to do their final checks before they would let Liam come home. It took a long time for the Doctor to get around to us, on various occasions we kept thinking that they had forgotten about us. In the end the doctor arrived and went through all the routine checks with Liam, with Ellie an interested observer. Everything was as it should be and Liam was given the green light to leave.

At about 3pm, and after some final bits of paperwork we were on our way home. Now the hard work begins!

Both Gemma and I would like to thank all the Midwives and staff at Wigan Royal Infirmary for all their hard work. They made the whole experience very relaxed. All of them were very caring and were always looking out for Gemma.

I'd like to say to my darling wife, I am so proud of you. You've given us a gorgeous little boy to add to our beautiful little girl. Thank you. I love you so much x x x x

I opened the parcel and was greeted with a few drips of water.

"What the hell is that?" I thought.

Inside was a plastic box which I promptly opened to find out where the water was coming from. I wasn't expecting what I saw.

It was a piece of grass.

On closer inspection though, this was no ordinary piece of grass.

This was a piece of turf from the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff. A piece of grass that Wales had played on during their triumphant Six Nations Grand Slam Campaign in 2008.

This was something very different and a present I'd never have thought of.

It will now take pride of place in our garden, in its own little pot. We can't have it mixing with all that English grass!!!

Thank you very much Ellie, and Liam, as it arrived after he was born! x x

The first rollover occurred in her bassinet, while she was still in a swaddle. She started on one side of the bassinet (a rocking bassinet) with gravity against her. JD and I watched her work her way over from back to tummy, ending up on the other side.

The second time she was on our bed and rolled over from her back to her stomach and then to her back again ALL BY HERSELF!!! Um, hi. She's TWO WEEKS old!!!

We caught the second rollover on our cell phone camera:

She might have her mama's looks but she's got daddy's strength!

p.s. - Aubi (grandma Groves, JD's mom) said one of her kids also rolled over by two weeks - it's official, she's a Groves!!!

mom feels good enough to get out of the house for a trip to the bakery!

someone's hungry!!! this is her pug face! :)

and mom thinks it's pretty funny...

love this.

love this even more.

ellie loves sleeping on daddy's chest

dad's the burper!

It's easier for me to post photos like this right now, because I'm having a bit of trouble with facebook. Enjoy the bundle of goodness!!!

This is going to be an honest post.

... An honest reflection of the postpartum experience thus far. The books didn't warn me about this part...

The first few days after giving birth are a mixture of euphoria and adrenaline. While JD slept (un)soundly in the pullout chair next to my hospital bed, I stayed awake excitedly listening to Elianna's soft breathing and bubbling. Nurses came in and out, and I was tireless. If Ellie cried, I wasn't bothered at all. The mothering instinct kicked in full force the second she wriggled out of me, and I was ready to take motherhood by storm.

Home from the hospital and adrenaline quickly died. It didn't matter that my entire body ached and I felt exhausted, though, because Euphoria was still my best friend and I told JD I could have 800 babies. I literally began planning the next time we could give Elianna a brother or sister, because babies are JUST SO GREAT!!! Mom and dad tell me I'm doing amazing. I decide I can go on an outing four days after giving birth, so we went to a 4th of July BBQ for a few hours.

This is when adrenaline and euphoria died.

The next day was spent in bed with flu-like symptoms (thanks to breastfeeding and engorgement and all kinds of other goodies). Ellie was taken care of by her daddy and grandparents, only seeing me for meals. I slept, and Ellie Joy fussed due to the gas caused by the stool softeners given to me by the hospital (I am thankful for them though - who wants to worry about going poo after shooting a baby out of your body?).

After a day of fussiness I am determined to get Elianna on a routine. With the Baby Whisperer in hand, I print out three copies of Elianna's schedule and post them around the house for everyone to see. I watch for signs of tiredness, hunger, gas, overstimulation, and everything else babies experience. This is the day that all euphoria, every last drop of it, goes away and my enemy the Overwhelmed One kicks in. At the end of the day I am more exhausted than before, because I have just realized that every three hours I must feed, change diaper, play (ok, stare), and put Ellie to sleep. And then the cycle begins again. And my life is over. The clock and I have staring contests. This does not bode well for my soul and it is decided in my head that Elianna will be our only child.

I wake up crying the next morning, because I just can't bear to nurse Elianna any more. Too much pain. My whole body aches and I have a low-grade fever. I take Tylenol with Codine (prescribed to me in the hospital) and Motrin. The rest of the day is spent in bed. Our friend Robin, a lactation consultant, is called frantically. The moms confirm that Ellie has a good latch, but because of 40 minute feedings and some irregularity on my part, well, the bosoms are SORE. My day in bed is met with honest reflection and evaluation of our lifestyle and what is manageable for our baby girl. It is decided that I do not need to give Elianna a bath at 5:30 every day. Nor do I need to be overly concerned if she falls asleep in someone's arms rather than her crib. And motrin works wonders. These realizations give me great relief and I sleep the day away.

Robin comes to check Ellie and I out. We're doing well. A few complications to be aware of, but there are no infections. The evil being known as Mastitis has not come knocking at our door, yet. Life becomes less complicated in my mind and I decide to give motherhood another try. Two days into the epiphanies, and we're doing much better.

I am still a little hermit. Not because I do not enjoy my friends and visitors, but because I am exhausted and the idea of visitors overwhelms me right now. I didn't think it would take this long to recover. I believed I was immune from a fussy baby, sore breasts, achy body, and the "weepies," as we'll call them. I'm not sure why I believed this, but I did. Thought that if I did everything right, then everything would go well. It does my heart well to know this is not true... and that having the weepies is ok.

(By the way, my parents and JD are closely monitoring my weepies to ensure it is not postpartum depression - so I am in good hands).

In the midst of all this - the tiredness, emotional roller coasters, overwhelming thoughts of "Oh sweet mercy she's here forever AND SHE WON'T STOP CRYING," concern about my body's recovery, and sometimes dreading the next three hours because our veracious eater is going to go at it again - in the midst of this, I have come to know a love and joy that is greater and more pure than anything else in the world. I am in awe of my daughter, her beautiful blue eyes, adorable chubby cheeks, reluctant wail, and silky black hair. She has turned me into a new woman, a better wife (parenting has bonded JD and I even more!), and a greater lover of Jesus.

Almost two hours later I walked up to the front desk to ask if they wanted me to come back tomorrow. Maybe I will go into labor tonight... "Anne Groves your room is almost ready, just a few more moments." I asked if I could take a walk. The nurse receptionist smiled and told me I could go walk over and see the babies in the nursery. JD and I began to take laps around the birthing floor. "This is so frustrating," I told JD. "I don't want to go into labor like this. We've been waiting for two hours and I never wanted to be induced anyway." "I know sweetheart," JD says. "I know."

Mom came and found us in the hallway, my head buried in JD's neck. "They're ready for you honey."

We walked into the labor/delivery room that was prepared for me. A nurse stood at a computer which was placed next to a monitor. "Hello! You're here to be induced, right?" I nodded my head, still very disappointed that I had agreed to be induced. "What's wrong?" the nurse asked, with a look of compassion and concern on her face. "I didn't want to have to be induced, so I'm a little sad." She looks at my chart and lets out a low whistle, "Nine days late I see. Well, it's probably best this way. The placenta begins to act like a little old lady and stops working for the baby as well. Plus, you don't want the baby to get too big." I nodded. I knew she was right, and even though I'm sure I would have gone into labor on my own eventually, JD and I decided this was best. Better to eliminate risk to the baby.

"So you're Bradly I see." We nodded. She chuckled and told us there is a running joke that the Bradly people always end up with epidurals and C-sections. We assured her that we were flexible and should a complication arise, we would surrender our birth plan. She then explained that a lot of Bradly people only do the research online, and aren't really prepared. We informed her that we had twelve weeks of classes.

We got into our room around noon. The nurse put in my IV at 2:30. 2:30 pm. The official time labor began. I didn't feel anything more than the contractions I'd experienced for the past month or so. Mom and Mommy G sat in the chairs reading. JD and I watched a few episodes of Scrubs. At 4:30 the nurse increased the pitocin in my IV. Minutes later I asked the moms to leave. Contractions were coming strong and I knew it was time to get serious.

Pitocin is a funny medicine. It is basically oxytocin, which stimulates contractions and the birthing process. Rather than go through the early and first stages of labor, however, the pitocin sent me straight to late first stage labor, which is considered hard labor. Contractions came every two to three minutes and were remarkably strong. When the nurse told me I was only dilated three centimeters I wanted to cry. Half an hour later, I was writhing in pain and completely unable to relax. I kept commenting about an epidural, thinking how nice it would be to be completely numb. I asked the nurse about it, but she told me I could do it. My doctor came in a little while later and stretched me to four centimeters. She then broke my water. OW.

At that point I was ready to give up. I no longer wanted a natural birth and asked the nurse to please call for an epidural. All of the relaxing techniques that JD and I had practiced weren't working, since I was thrown into hard labor without time to ease into the painful contractions. My nurse came to my side, held my hand, and coaxed me into deep breathing, encouraging me to relax. Moments later I found my focus. The anesthesiologist came in and I sent him away. "I can do it," I said.

All of this took place around six pm.

At 7:30 pm a new nurse came in and I figured I could convince her that I needed an epidural. I was only five centimeters dilated and the contractions were sending me to the roof. I had been in the same position for a few hours now, and had resolved that this was going to be my only child. I asked the nurse for an epidural, but she just looked at me and said, "honey, I think you really want to do this naturally and so I'm going to do the best I can to help you. You are already over halfway there. You can do it." From that point on, whenever I told JD I wanted an epidural (which happened a few more times), he encouraged me and relaxed me to the point where I looked like I was sleeping during my hardest contractions. We then decided it was time to get this baby going so we walked around and tried different labor positions. My mom and Virginia walked in for three contractions. They were coming one after another, almost stacked. I broke from my concentration for a moment to look at my mom, "This is the hardest thing I have ever done." I told her. She nodded compassionately. She'd been there before. They left the room and later told me I was going into transition at that point.

At 6-7 centimeters dilated I found my first urge to push. I told the nurse I wanted to push and she told me I couldn't. She checked me a few minutes later - 8 centimeters. The urge to push grew so strong that I had to concentrate very hard on my breathing in order to do what I was told. Panting away, I told the nurse there was no way I could not push. She called the doctor and checked me again. Ten centimeters. I went from 6-10 centimeters in about twenty minutes, and I literally thought I might explode.

Pushing began moments before my doctor arrived. What a relief to push through contractions! Intense burning became the newest sensation as I realized the baby's head was close to crowning. The doctor arrived and I was crowning. She told me to push through the pain, that my baby would be here soon. A couple pushes later, Elianna came wriggling out of my body. I pushed for less than twenty minutes, praise God.

8 lbs. 6 ozs... she is certainly not a petite girl! All the doctors and nurses were in awe of her size - the doctor even said to Ellie when she came out, "your mom is an amazing woman," in reference to me pushing out our little beast child :)

Here are some pictures of Elianna's birth:

JD cuts the cord.

our new family

the birth team

gorgeous girl

mom and daughter resting after all that hard work

daddy's little girl

home from the hospital and sleeping soundly!!!!

July 2008

Goofing around with Ellie & Margaret (pictures or slideshow).

July 2008

The annual Laidley Street Fourth of July Parade in San Francisco, CA (slideshow).

July 2008