I love how Pop put on a smile for the camera. This was taken 12 days before he died. There was so much change in those last 12 days, but he actually looked really good in this picture. He still had the life in his eyes here. It was two weeks yesterday that he passed. We're still in a fog.

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I traveled for work yesterday and today. After my obligations yesterday, I got to visit my grandfather. When I saw him in December, he was still himself, able to talk even though he didn't make much sense. When I saw him yesterday, I was more prepared than before. And I think having seen Pop decline recently maybe numbed the shock of seeing my granddaddy. But he was much thinner, and has greatly lost his ability to speak. Supposedly he has been having small strokes, which mostly go undetected, but affect his cognative ability. He's also stopped eating due to issues with being able to swallow. So, he's had a feeding tube installed, which is keeping him alive. He's had some therapy, but really there isn't much more that can be done for him. I was glad to get to see him again.

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I feel like coming by here has been so depressing lately. It has been a sad time, but we aren't just sitting around moping. We're moving on with life as we should. We're trying to figure out what the next steps for Nick will be. School is a possibility, which I think would be wonderful for him. We're still exploring the options though. Right now he's assembling furniture and moving things around. And being cute and sweet and stuff. Last weekend we celebrated the third anniversary of our first date (because we're big dorks like that). He's my sweetie.

At the end of regular season play, we were second in the league. The first place team had only had two goals scored on them all season. We scored one of them. We had a first round bye, playing our first game Saturday in mid-80 degree temps and winning 2-0. Our second game Sunday went into OTs, with us prevailing 3-1. Last night it was the Championship Game for all the marbles. Against the Number 1 team.

Elle was in goal the entire game. Usually she's 1st half goalie, 2nd half mid-fielder or forward. The first half proceeded with some very physical (too physical IMO) play from the other team. Elle was going to have a busy night. Save after save after save.

And then I jinxed it. Saying something to another parent about not making mistakes in the goalie box. A rogue bounce that resulted in a handball. Inside the penalty area. Resulting in a penalty kick. i.e. One on One. Elle blocked the shot, which then rebounded off the goal post and into the goal. 1-0.

Shortly thereafter, we got a breakaway and scored ourselves. Elle made more saves. I lost count. Then there was a very bad decisions to 'clear' the ball directly in front of the goal, which allowed the other team to score. A few minutes later, our defense wandered up to midfield while 2 opposing team members dribbled the ball in tandem toward Elle. Another bad deflection landed in the goal. 3-1 at the end of the first half.

She was greatly upset after the second goal. The third one put her over the edge. Elle was devastated. During the half I gave her a pep talk. She is a great goalie. No one else on the team was willing to take the position she was in. But she wasn't alone. Her defense had to do their job too. And they hadn't done their job in the first half. She had done her best, and now the rest of the team had to step up.

The second half started with us dominating the play. We had several scoring opportunities that just missed. And then I guess we just pooped out. After several more saves, the defense disappeared again and left Elle all alone. Another 2-on-1 situation resulted in the 4th and final goal.

After the game there was no consoling her. She felt she had let her team down. She took the entire loss onto her shoulders. All of her team mates hugged her, patted her on the back. Other parents hugged her and took the time to tell her how well she played. It was the hardest game all season. On our way home our coach called and gave her more reassurances. He told her there was no one else he would ever want in goal but her.

Second in the league isn't bad. The girls played their hearts out and gave their best effort. And everyone has to learn to win and lose. Its part of life.

I think this is going to be the last season for our rec team. We've played non-stop soccer since the Fall of '05, with a few short breaks in between. Last summer we started with the club team, which has practice 3 times per week, plus games. Adding in the rec league, we cut one club practice and attended rec practice, plus games. Last night we actually had a conflict with Finals for the rec team and Semi-Finals for the club team. Its getting to be too much for her and us. And after 3rd grade, it's hard to find a rec team. Most kids decide to either go select or give it up.

Although its the end of one era, we started another, and will continue down that road.

A couple of weeks ago we sodded our back yard. No grass has existed in mass quantity in that back yard in quite some time. (That was a lot of in's!) Part of it is the big tree, part of it was the dogs, part of it was that the yard is 35 years old. So Nick rented a tiller (which I know he enjoyed...using semi-heavy equipment), tilled up the dirt, we evened it out (mostely), and then ordered 1800 sq ft of Bermuda sod.

Then it rained. And rained some more. And we had a swamp. And then it dried out a little. So we laid some sod. All by ourselves. Nick, me, Zed & Elle. Yes, even Elle helped as much as she could. Zed was the hero though. That boy worked! I was super proud. The four of us laid the sod in about 5 hours. And we crashed.

We've been watering it religiously, and the yard is now GREEN! And beautiful! And soft! The grass is knitting together nicely, and we've even had to mow it already.

We have also de-leafed our yard (although the high winds and storms have put a lot back), planted some new annuals - pansies, marigolds, vinca, and something else I can't remember, and my hostas and lillies are coming back in. I think the hostas doubled in size from last year. Sadly, the lillies aren't coming back even. My bulbs on one side of the bed are doing much better than the other side. I can't feed the small side enough to counteract the side that has the sewer cleanout though.

Our crown is in, our baseboards are down, trim is painted. A few touch-ups and a good house-cleaning and I'm ready to sign the listing papers. I'm soooo tired of spending money on this house (although it was the sales tax paid on all the building materials that pushed us into the refund category on our taxes - we're getting $12 back - don't everyone expect me to pick up the tab at once).

By next Tuesday the Spring soccer season will be over. Elle's rec team is 7-1. I think we're about even on wins and losses for our club team. Our rec team will most likely get 2nd place (again - the 1st place team has had 2 goals allowed on them all season long, 1 scored by us). Then, after a couple of weeks break, we'll jump back into Summer Indoor soccer.

Zed's new basketball team is 3-0. He's learning a lot, and is finally being 'coached'. His last team lost frequently (i.e. won 1 game) and lost big. After his first win on the new team, I asked him how he liked winning. He said 'It's better than losing!'. I'm super proud of him, because he's practicing and playing hard. He wants to make the school team this fall, and is putting the effort forward.

48 days until I lose my baby boy and gain a teenager. Every day my heart breaks a little more...

And then Nick was too chicken to hold the ruler out to measure, so I held the ruler AND took the picture (my excuse for the wonky angle).

Also, today marks exactly two months until Zed turns 13. OMG! I'm about to have a teenager. Check out those beautifully thick, curly locks!

Pop is making good progress with his therapy. He has a couple of ladies come a couple of times a week. One works his arms, the other works his legs. He's more steady on his feet now, and can walk a little further than he could before.

Elle is making progress at school - with her new testing accommodations. A test that was administered in January was readministered in a more isolated setting just a few weeks later, and she increased her score by 20 points. TAKS scores come back week after next. Hopefully there was progress there too.

Elle is also making progress in soccer. She's playing goalie fairly consistently, and improving her skills there. According to her team manager, she made many tough saves in last weekend's indoor championship game, helping her team win. Friday night she and I are going to a district match between two of the area's top high school girl's teams.

Zed is making progress - growing up. Every day he looks more like a teenager. His grades remain great, he's doing well in band, and he's even making progress in athletics. He's increasing his weight-lifting poundage capacity.

Zed is also making progress in the fantastic kid category. Of course, I've always thought he was fantastic. Most of the time. But he's becoming more responsible and more helpful. And his dad finally noticed. For which I am glad, but I also throw huge kudos to Nick. He's an amazing step-dad to my kids.

Nick is making progress on de-cluttering the house. The man is truly great at laundry, and when he sets his mind to it, he can clear a room in a matter of minutes.

Nick and I are both making progress on the house. After this weekend, we hope to have the house listed and a sign in the yard by Monday or Tuesday. Nope, I can't belive we finally made it either. In the triangle of project management there are three keys - scope, cost, and time. They all impact each other in some way when one or another becomes a constraint. Don't have the time? Better have lots of money and a little scope. Our constraint was cost. Therefore timeline extended. Ah well. Can't change physics or the space-time continuum. It is what it is.

I'm making progress at work - when I'm not being pulled in four different directions. I'm finally loving my  job again. It's keeping me busy, and even when I get a breath, new network configurations keep me from visting anyone that doesn't have their own domain. Sigh.

And, despite my lack of updates, I'm making progress in the workout arena. Last week I was down 4 lbs. A drop in the bucket, but progress where I was seeing none, despite my effort.

Hopefully after we list I'll have time to make progress and come around and visit a few people soon.

I've mentioned before the differences in my two children. Like snowflakes, no two children are alike. I have one that is academically gifted, and one that struggles on a daily basis. One for whom A's and Honors classes are the norm, and one for whom C's are celebrated, B's are miraculous victories and Title I and tutoring are the norm. The 100 on her science project is still on the refrigerator door, and will remain indefinitely.

Her first Practice Reading TAKS came home with a parent signature line, a requirement that she make 'margin memos' and a big, ugly 44 at the top of the paper. I was dumbfounded as to why Elle chose some of the answers she did. With no evidence to support 66% of her responses, I wondered if she read the questions at all. And if she did, did she not understand, give up, and hope that her stab-in-the-dark was right. We went over the questions, found the supporting evidence in the reading passages, and corrected her mistakes.

I went to the book store and found several home workbooks for her and I to do together in the evenings. Read the passages, note the paragraph numbers, read the questions, refer back to the passage, find the evidence, underline the evidence, find the answer. Lather, rinse, repeat. At least 3 nights a week we did this for the last 6 weeks.

Her last Practice Reading TAKS came home with a much sunnier prospect. An 89 was circled and WONDERFUL! was emblazoned in a slant across the upper left corner of the paper. How the teacher got to an 89 when no answers were marked wrong, I don't know. I had to figure out the incorrect responses on my own. And even I, a lifetime reader, owner of a Bachelors degree in English, furrowed my brow and flipped from question to passage to question to passage several times before figuring out where they were going with a question.

The TAKS test in the state of Texas is a remnant of our former Govenor GWB, now President GWB, and his wreck reign over our state education system, springboarding his way to wreck reign over our national education system (among other mishaps as well). Everyone knows the term "Teaching to the test". Texas has, for years, exemplified this in our daily, weekly, monthly, yearly cycle of this thing we call 'education'. GWB's Student Success Initiative and his No Child Left Behind act have left us at the mercy of this mad testing vortex in which our children are trapped. The results were so bad from the first year the TAKS was administered, they were completely discarded and the children that year were 'exempted' by the TEA, calling it a trial run and ignoring the deficiencies of the test. So they revised how the teach the test. And while results have improved, actual learning has sunk further into a black hole.

My daughter is not stupid. She does not have a low IQ. Her ability to grasp concepts in the real world and the daily intelligence she displays belie the fact that she has failed math for two successive 9-week grading periods, and barely passed all of her other subjects. I see the worksheets that come home (in which I find errors on a frequent basis). She does, I believe, have some kind of learning issue, and is slow in book learning. Combine that with 'new math', the mixed-whole/phonics reading method, being taught how to pass a single test, and teachers that can't dare step outside of a rigid curriculum, and we get where we are today.

A bright, energetic, happy, outgoing child, reduced to tears the night before her test, worried at the outcome. And a mom, hurting on the inside for her child, who she sees trying her hardest, and still not succeeding. I've pushed for extra help - she's in two kinds of reading and math tutoring, and we work at home, and still she struggles. GWB promised me that No Child would be left Behind. And yet I look at my 9-year old, barely holding on, facing possible retention if she fails this.one.test. And my options? Limited. Not able to afford private school, not able to home school. There are Charter Schools, themselves caught up in controversy, and the closest 20+ minutes from my house. Our school is rated Academically Acceptable, and our in-district transfer policy is not guaranteed. Rock and a hard place anyone?

This morning Elle seemed better than she was last night. She had her oatmeal, and probably a second breakfast at school courtesy of the TAKS test. She has some testing accommodations - small testing group, frequent breaks. My heart is still pounding for her. I'm sending her all the good karma I can muster. Whatever happens, I can guarantee you I won't be leaving her behind.

So here are some photos to entertain in lieu of interesting content.

My mom and her sister. They look nothing alike, right?

One night, Zed started a puzzle, out of boredom. He asked for my help. And we had so much fun doing the puzzle together, we decided to get another one. So a couple of nights a week, we spend a few hours talking, puzzling, laughing, and just spending good quality time together. The Garfield was our first. The pastoral scene is still in progress. It's much harder.

When Nick and I took the cabinet from our bathroom, we found more velvet wall paper. This time it was green roses. I managed to tear it off the wall and keep it all in one piece. Pop thought it was 'nice', so I think I'm going to try to frame it for him. I can't imagine an entire bathroom in green velvel wallpaper. There was very similar yellow velvet wallpaper in the guest bath. This house must have been the ultimate in 70's hotness at one time.

And, finally, Zed at his Winter Concert last month. He was First Chair, and he had a solo in one of the three pieces they played. YAY! I was super proud of him. Sniff, he's growing up so fast!

Zed will go with me every now and then. I kind of fibbed to the gym manager that Zed was 12 when he was really 11.5. But now he really is 12, so it's all good. I was glad they didn't ask for ID. But poor Elle has to make a visit to the gym daycare, at $2 per visit. She always wants to work out with me, but sadly it's against the rules. And it's not like she couldn't do it. Every day she reports to me "I ran 35 laps in the gym today without stopping during after-school." Next week she's shooting for 50 laps without stopping. I have no clue how far it is around the gym, but I imagine than many laps is a fair distance.

When I saw the gym advertising the special Valentine's couple's yoga, and that the 'couple' could be husband/wife, friends, parents/children*, AND that *children must be at least 9, I knew who I wanted to take with me.

So Friday night, Elle and I went to yoga together. Everyone else in the class was husband and wife, even the instructor and her husband. But Elle didn't get intimidated, and was really enjoying the class. We did individual poses, but also several poses that required the both of us to work together and communicate with each other. It was her first yoga class, so I had to help her with a few of the individual poses in addition to our 'couples' poses. The only pose we couldn't really complete was the "Lizard Sitting On Rock". Had I been the lizard, I would have squished my rock. We also had some difficulty with the Boat. We managed one leg, but not two. We did really well with the Tree pose, as well as a few others requiring us to balance.

The part I liked most though was at the end. The instructor came around with some hand oil, and we rubbed each other's hands. Then we sat and looked into each others eyes as we held hands, and really reconnected. It was some of the best time she and I have spent together in a long time. I hugged her and told her thank you for coming with me. It was nice to be able to put the stress of the daily 'find the backpack, sign the homework, get to soccer practice, feed me dinner' grind on-hold and just enjoy each other.

Yes, the commercials were lame. I did like the half-time show though. I think Tom Petty rocks. I have several of his songs on my Shuffle for running, and growing up, my Aunt Judy was a Heartbreakers fan. I also like how the Superbowl continues with their sexually suggestive imagery. Janet Jackson's boob, Prince's guitar solo behind the curtain, and now the arrow piercing the heart cleavage. Subtle...not.

It hit me yesterday that football is over. This is one of the first years that I've had that realization hit me and actually miss watching games. I guess I'll have to fall back to my old first love...basketball. The Mavs won last night. I need to follow up on a trade plan I heard last week that kind of shocked me. But maybe it'll be for the best.

No update yet on Zed's SAT scores. I'd heard that we were supposed to get them in a few weeks...faster than I remember getting mine.

Elle is about to be involved in 3 soccer 'seasons' between 2 teams. GOAL!

I'm working my butt off and am happier work-wise than I've been in a long time. Viva SCRUM.

Hang in there y'all. Spring is around the corner.

Thankfully we didn't have to listen to the Beginner band. That torture was enforced last year when Zed was in Beginner band. I think they take pity on us and don't require us to listen except at the Spring Concert. It was the 'Performing bands' tonight. Concert I, Concert II and Symphonic. I think the word 'performing' should be used a little less loosely for some of these kids. *cough* Concert I *cough*. They tried. I know.

Concert II and Symphonic bands were much better. The band directors are a hoot. The Symphonic director looks like George Carlin and takes band directing very seriously. The Concert I/II director is younger, nerdier, and related an awkward story about one of the pieces and a Simpson's episode.

Zed's solo came in a piece called "A Day In Space". A flute lead in, Zed's clarinet solo, followed by a trumpet, low horns, then the whole band. I couldn't have been more proud. I'm sure I grinned stupidly the entire time, based on the weird look Nick gave me. At the end of the piece, all the soloists were recognized, and when Zed stood up, he grinned nervously. Poor kid hates attention.

I tried not to take too many pictures or clap too loudly. He is 12 now. Close to 13. Can't embarass him. But I am so proud!

Elle got her palate expander on Thursday. It looks like this. The key turns the wheel rod and pushes the plates outward. I have to turn the rod once a day. Check out this creepy video that shows what it does! And it hurts her every time I turn the rod. Which if I don't turn completely, will get stuck and we'll have to go to the ortho to get it unstuck.

My poor baby cried when they put it in. She has a sensitive gag reflex and between the choking, and the crying and the tightness of the expander, she was quite upset once it was done. Since she's on soft foods, she ate mac'n'cheese for dinner. But the macaroni noodles kept getting caught between her palate and the expander. And she broke down crying, asking me to take it out. She's also having great difficultly talking and being understood, which is frustrating, and she also gets excessive buildup of saliva due to this device, so she's slurping and drooling. Supposedly she'll get used to it. I hope so. It's going to help her tremendously in the future, and that's what I keep telling her.

This weekend I get to (unexpectedly) go help my grandparents pack to move. My grandmother's heart condition has gotten worse, and under doctor's orders she and my grandfather have to move out of their 2-story condo. They bought a single story house, and rather than moving at the end of the month, the guy who owns their condo (that they've lived in for 17 years) gave them til the 16th to move out. A couple of 70-somethings, one with a bad heart, and one with diabetes, and they have less than two weeks to pack and move. Not what I wanted to do with my weekend.

And to top it off, the fantastic dinner I had planned tonight went all to hell. The crab cakes burned, the salmon didn't cook right, the glazed parsnips caramelized to the pan, and my spinach cheese puff wouldn't set.

Time for me to take a deep breath and hope that next week brings brighter news and events.

Zed got braces last week. It was bad enough that he was starting to get that 'hey you've got something on your upper lip oops not really it's just darkening peach fuzz' thing going on, and that he has been coughing, clearing his throat, squeaking, sounding hoarse and all that stuff that happens when boys' voices change. But now. With the braces, he looks like a Genuine Teenager. And he is only a mere 5 months away from turning 13. Where's my rewind button? He can't possibly have just suddenly grown up. I must have missed something in between when he started kindergarden and last week. I've actually started having those anxiety pangs of 'omigosh he's actually going to be leaving me in just a few short years'. I'm hugging him too much, telling him I love him constantly, and looking at him and getting stupid grins on my face that embarass him.*sigh* My baby. I think it must only hurt worse from here on out rather than get better with time.

My other baby is getting a palate expander tomorrow. Whereas Zed has plenty of space between his teeth, Elle has a small, crowded mouth. Funny, she talks so much! So for the next ten months I get to use this little tool to turn her expander to give her a bigger mouth. Our orthodontist is making out like a bandit on us right now! Thank goodness for Health Flex Plans.

Also, I'm giving this whole running thing another go. In my right sidebar I've got a little RSS feed setup for easy access. Because I know you want to spend your whole day with me.

Pop's arm is doing better. He's got a brace on his arm and a new hospital bed so he can get in and out by himself and doesn't have to sleep in his chair anymore, and no less than 3 nurses that come visit him once or twice a week each. And they all have to check his bloodpressure and take his temperature every time they come see him. Why for a broken arm, I don't know. He's slightly resistant just because he's so old and stubborn, but we have seen a dramatic improvement in his walking strength and balance, so it seems to be working.

Nick is having fun being Pop's nurse and the Housekeeper. Hey! I just realized, I'm having an affair with my Housekeeper. How thrilling! I just hope he's not getting addicted to soaps! And that he doesn't look in my bottom drawer. ;)

Last night, Elle had a playoff game for her club team. She was goalie, and it was a tough game, which we ended up losing 3-1. Two of those goals were scored on Elle, and she was devestated. I had to remind her that she can't win always, and that it takes a lot to get in goal and defend for your team. They can't all be saves.

Tonight, Elle had another playoff game for her rec team. The team we faced we've played twice this season, and won both games. We played this team twice last season, and we each split a win. They're tough on defense, and have one girl that can clear it half way across the field. It's always a close game when we play them. Our last regular season game on Saturday was a 1-0 win over this team. Tonight we won 2-1. All the goals were scored in the last half of the game, and both teams were worn out from playing their hearts out.

And just now I found an email in by inbox from our coach. Another mom and I had to sub in as coaches because our coach had to attend a funeral service. The email was forwarded from our league coordinator, and contained a complaint against our girls tonight for 'overly aggressive play'. It really upsets me that the other team would suggest that we were out to 'win at all costs'. Both teams played hard. It was essentially an instant replay of our previous games against this squad.

Soccer isn't a non-contact sport. Contact happens, and it's not unusual to see girls running, shoulder to shoulder, leaning, to try to get or maintain control of the ball. And as long as there is no pushing, shoving, or tripping, there's no foul. I have seen fouls happen in the past, both from girls on our team and girls on other teams. I know what overly aggressive play looks like, and our girls absolutely don't play that way, and certainly not tonight. We don't play dirty.

And what's more, it's rec soccer. It's not World Cup. It's third grade girls, on a field, with a ball, playing their best. And that's all we ask of them - play hard, and win or lose, hold your head high because you did your best. Maybe the other coaches need a lesson.

I didn't actually need that many things, because last week I bought a lot of meat that was on sale. A few vegetables, cans of beans, rice, and ingredients for desserts for the workplace bake-off, and I was ready to check out.

Elle, as my little helper, has the responsibility of putting all the groceries on the conveyor belt. I prepare my coupons, get out my store card and check card. For some reason, I wasn't really paying attention as she scanned all my coupons, and as I was walking out the door, checking the receipt, I noticed that I had given her 5 coupons, but only 4 had been scanned. Whoa nellie!

Debating with myself for a moment, I knew that I had two 50-cent coupons, one 25-cent coupon, and one 20-cent coupon, plus the big $6 off/$60 in groceries purchased coupon. I was missing a 50-cent coupon scan. With the bonus coupon, that was a whole $1. Did I really want to go back over a dollar? It's not that big of a deal. A dollar. But then I decided, hell, if I spent all the time cutting and sorting, and then to have the fruits of my labors diminished by a careless checkout clerk, I was due my dollar.

What I didn't realize was that this would involve a manager opening the coupon depository at the register, sorting through to find my missed coupon, and then going to guest services to get my refund. And then I realized how cheap I looked.

I'm really trying to convince myself that this was a good lesson for Elle. Get what you pay for. If you're due a discount, don't let their carelessness cost you more. I mean, a dollar here and there today adds up eventually. It's the principle I tell you! Next time it might be $10!

But I still look damn cheap, don't I?

I was never that big on Halloween. The whole pressure of coming up with a costume was too much for me. I've only ever had a couple of good costumes. One year I dressed up as the Crocodile Hunter, and another year I was Anna Nicole Smith. And now they're dead. What kind of coincidence is that? Also, pumpkins gross me out. The goo on the inside and the smell make me queasy. And yet I like the pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks. Strange. Then, there's the whole door-to-door thing. That's just awkward. "Hey people I don't know, give me candy." And the inevitable disappointment of someone that hands out pencils or bags of chips. The fall festivals I think are more safe, and with the games it makes it more enjoyable than walking down the street with empty houses, listening to the kids complain about the lack of candy, their costumes, or their feet hurting. When there are bounce houses to distract, they don't notice their feet hurt.

What's your take on the Fall Festival vs. Trick-or-Treating phenomena that seems to have taken over?

Instead I will regale you with tales of how I sat my butt on metal bleachers for 3 hours on Monday. Two of those hours were spent freezing and watching Zed play football. It was quite exciting because they were in the 'premier' matchup in the 'big stadium' at the football complex. His team lost 20-12, but it was a fairly good game...couple of interceptions, a failed on-side kick attempt, and some dubious 'kick-offs'. Inexplicably, it took 45 minutes to play the first half - which consists of two 8-minute quarters. They stopped the clock on every darn play! I don't think the clock-runner knew what they were doing. Either that or they wanted more play time with the jumbo-tron fan cam.

The next hour on the bleachers was at Zed's basketball practice - directly after the football game. Despite ample padding, my tushie was quite uncomfortable at the end of the evening. And my tummy was rumbly. Zed and I didn't eat dinner until 9:30! But that's how Monday's have been the past month. I did feed him a couple of Quaker bars between football and basketball though. He's a growing boy!

Also, there has been HIGH DRAMA in the world of pre-select soccer. Elle's soccer club has recently undergone a great schism, and my email inbox is full to prove it. Lordy people! I have never seen a group of more immature, snipey, panty-twisted adults. It's a game about a ball in the grass. Granted we're hoping to get a scholarship to a smaller college out of this for Elle, but still! End of it all is after our last game this weekend, Elle's soccer coaches are moving on, and we're following. We really had no tie to the club other than through the coaches that she's been playing with, and after listening to obvious BS come out of the club owner's mouth at the parent meeting, I decided I didn't want my kid playing with people like that. Seriously. I wonder where some people get their ethics and why they think they won't get caught in their lie.

So, if listening to me bellyache about my kids' sports, which I knowingly put them into, isn't your cup of tea...hold out for the photos. I promise, they'll be here soon...

As a result of the rain, Zed's football game was rained out. It wasn't actually raining at gametime, but the fields are in a low area, and were thus still drenched. So I cooked dinner instead of rushing to pick up some fast food or restaurant dinner. I made grilled chicken panini's, with fresh pesto (made by me), salad, and pita chips. Mostly good for you I think.

*****

I was listening to the radio the other day, and I heard this song. I thought it was such a romantic song and a really sweet tribute to his girl.

*****

Zed made a request for sausage tonight. Not exactly low in fat. But he had some at the state fair this last weekend and raved over it. And it's a good thing I sent Nick off to hang out with Kinky Friedman this evening. Because it's pecan wood smoked sausage, and I don't think he wants to try the sausage. Because of his nut allergy. If someone is allergic to nuts, is smoking meat in wood from a nut tree going to transmit the allergin? I don't think so, but he doesn't want to seem to risk it.

A couple of weeks ago, he couldn't be bothered to help Elle with her homework because he was busy with the crossword. Elle told me this after I was checking her homework on Thursday night, and there were no parent corrections to her Wednesday night worksheet. Bite tongue. Nothing like an apathetic parent to help a child already struggling in school.

Last week she informed me that she wasn't to pack clothes from home, but rather wear 'cute outfits' to school provided by her dad. That I then have to wash for her because now the clothes are at my house. She was informed by her father and his child bride fiancee that she dressed in 'rags' and that she looked horrible. A) She cries when forced to wear anything she deems 'uncomfortable'. B) She's a jeans and t-shirt kind of kid. C) She is tough on most of her clothes through rough play or messy eating. D) She'll grow out of this when she's ready, so don't force her to dress a certain way other than fully clothed. E) She bathes nightly and brushes her teeth and hair. It's not like she's covered in dirt. Rage building.

This weekend, she had a late soccer game. I dropped both kids off (late in fact, but that didn't matter because it took three long, loud bangs on the door to get The Ex's butt out of bed) on Saturday. Game at 1. Have her there by 12:30 please. What really happened: She arrived at 5 minutes till game time, no contacts in, no allergy pill given. So she's not warmed up, playing half blind, and is sneezing regularly through the game. But he had his Starbucks. Screaming on the inside.

And last night was the cherry on top. After weeks of him dropping the kids off at 8:00 pm, unfed, just before bedtime, I asked him to please feed them before bringing them home, especially since Elle's bedtime is 8:30. She was getting to bed too late and having trouble waking up in the morning. What really happened? Elle walks through the door last night and informs me she hasn't had dinner. I step outside and, in a controlled, calm voice, ask "Um, why hasn't she eaten?" I'm informed that they ate a really big lunch at 2:30 and an hour ago she supposedly wasn't hungry. My brain exploded. I was so angry I couldn't even think. Elle ended up going to bed around 10:30. Because my plan involved her being fed as requested, Nick putting her to bed, and me going to the grocery store before picking Zed up from basketball timekeeping and feeding him before his 10:00 bed time.

Why is this so hard? These are basic parental responsibilities. He doesn't have to take her to many practices or games. He has to feed them dinner four times over fourteen days. Anyone have any advice on how to remind him that these are the basics he really should be able to handle?

I talked to him tonight about his game last night. He felt like he did well. AND, his coach told him today that his snaps were perfect during his VFJHSCFG. Now all he needs is to grow a few inches and gain about 20 pounds, and he'd be on the A team. Seriously. It's his size that is keeping him back from being the ace snapper on the team. I aform PROUD. My heart is bursting with proudness and happiness.

Zed also has qualified for the Duke University TIP (Talent Identification Program). Based on his state test scores, he has qualified to be able to take the SAT in the 7th grade. If he does well, he'll get special recognition and possibly the opportunity to take classes next summer at Duke University. I also realize he's in 7th grade. He's very, very smart. But the SAT? I know how I stressed about that. My junior year. That's 4 years of learning he has to do, But he's supposedly smart enough to do it. I haven't decided. I think I'm going to try him on an SAT prep book and see how he reacts to it before I decide to put him through that pressure.

 On the other hand, Elle is doing OK in school academically, but she's having social issues. She's had a couple of outbursts lately, probably due to stress I think. Last year she had issues with girls that were growing up before she even had the concept of growing up. Plus she's also going through some possible hormonal/emotional issues. She also had a lot of anxiety before the school year started. See, our school district doesn't give 'grades' until 3rd grade. They get pass/fail and meeting testing thresholds from Kindergarden to 2nd grade. Now she's freaked out about failing. See, where Zach is smart and 'gets' it the first time through, Elle doesn't. She's a little slower. She doesn't do well in group learning sessions. She does better in one-on-one learning scenarios. I think she gets anxious about how others perceive her, and she just says 'Yes, I understand' even if she doesn't just so other's won't pay attention to her. And when she doesn't understand, she cries.

My heart breaks for her. I'm a person that usually 'gets' it the first time around. So is Zed. But Elle takes longer. I think she may actually have some auditory processing issues that I plan to have her tested for this year. I KNOW that she is highly intelligent. She remembers, she figures, she assesses, she figures out all on her own. It just takes her a little longer, and maybe she needs more explanation and time that other kids.

And my heart breaks for her because I see her struggling. She's embarassed and frustrated, and it hurts her and me. So I hope that I can work the system to get her the help that she needs. She's continuing in speech therapy that I finally got for her at the end of last year. I've asked about the mentoring program that was such a big help for her last year. She really responds to one-on-one interaction. I've talked to the teacher about the mean little girl that is saying ugly things about Elle and telling other children not to play with my daughter. On threat of physical pain no less. Nice.

It feels bizzare to me to have one child that excels easily and to have another that has the intelligence, but still struggles. I'm frustrated and puzzled by this. But I will never give up on her.

Zed had his first football scrimmage yesterday. I left work early to watch because I'm going to Alabama next week and will miss his very first real game. SOB! The scrimmage wasn't what I thought. A team and B team lining up on opposite sides of the field and driving to the opposite goal lines. Zed plays O-line and D-line on the B team. When he plays O-line he's the snapper. He was pretty good. But he needs to learn to hit and block harder. I can't believe I just said that.

Nick surprised me yesterday. He gave me a flyer for this. I about wet my pants. Peter Mayhew and David Prowse and Kenny Baker all in the same place? That's really about as big as you can get without Mark Hamill. Carrie Fisher is an extremely rare sighting and Harrison Ford wouldn't be caught dead at a Con. AND, it's near my house. Whee!

Today she is a ball of raw energy. You could power a city off of her. Equally, I have never seen another human being fall asleep so fast. She'll fall asleep in the middle of a conversation in the car. A nap from school to home will refresh her for a bit. Her reading and writing are improving dramatically. She's funny. She's loving. She's considerate. She's a beauty. Her sunny outlook makes me smile no matter what. She still loves simply. She's an athlete. She loves to run. Game followed by practice? No problem.

My baby is budding into a young girl. It will be too soon before she's no longer a girl. I tell her I'd keep her little forever if I could.

Nick immediately nicknamed the kids when he came into our house. Elle is ever-affectionately known as Monkey. Anything we see with a monkey on it gets added to her collection. Monkey pajamas, shirts, backpacks, puppets, stuffed monkeys...you name it. And the name describes her exactly. Energetic, climbing, silly, loud.

Happy Birthday My Little Monkey Love!

But when I took a closer look, I didn't see any bruising. So I felt around her nipple and about fell over when I felt a lump. So I felt the other side. No lump. Me being me, I immediately panic on the inside, all while trying to act very normal, so as not to freak her out. Continue about your day as normal, everything is OK.

I spent more of the weekend obsessing over this issue. Also freaking out a little because I don't have a pediatrician that we see regularly, and haven't in some time. We have a family GP that is generally pretty good, and who I used for Zed's first-ever sports physical just a few weeks ago. But with whatever this is, I decided that she needed to see a pediatrician.

And, further, to soothe my mind, I of course decided to Google 'breast lumps in 8-year olds'. And I actually do feel better. Sort of. From several boards that I found, this is most likely a pre-pubescent breast bud. I hope to have this confirmed tomorrow morning.

But this leads to another worry. Prepubescent! I remember 1 girl in my 3rd grade class that actually had boobs. At least a B cup. But I didn't get my girly bits until I was in 5th or 6th grade I think. I've heard about girls starting earlier, and in several boards, some commenters mentioned they started their periods at age 9! (Sidenote: Elle turns 9 in 12 days). At least by looking this up, if this is truly what the situation is, I've got lots of questions to ask.

This could also explain why Elle has been a wreck the last couple of months. She's more emotional lately than ever, and cries at the drop of a hat. And I am so not ready for this! My baby. My little girl. She's not ready for it either. She's still such a tomboy. I'm sure we'll get our money's worth at the doctor's office tomorrow.

How about any of you moms parents with girls? Is this normal? Am I over-reacting?

Update: Our visit to the doctor eased my mind a bit. Totally normal. This is seen in both boys and girls. Watch it, and it will probably go away. It is a little early for this to be buds, but if the other one starts to develop as well, don't be alarmed. Mom freak-out can go back to guarded.

I never stopped to think about what I would do once he got to seventh grade. Did I mention that he has started seventh grade this year? The whole 'pick your classes for next year' process was very confusing last year. Basketball is only a second semester sport. Tryouts aren't even until November. So I figured he'd be put in another class for first semester. Art, drama, something. Nope. He got Athletics for the whole year. So I thought maybe he'd be put in some kind of off-season fitness thing, which would be good for him. This summer he grew a couple of inches and lost 11 pounds. Keeping him active was going to be the best thing.

So, imagine my chagrin when Nick put me on the phone with him on Monday. "Mom, I want to ask you something." Uh. OK. "Since basketball doesn't start until next semester and I'm already in Athletics, can I play football?" My head screamed NO! And then my heart hurt a little. And then conversations with Nick played over and over in my head. "You don't want the boy to have regrets when he's older. You don't want him sitting with his friends, sharing stories, and regretting that he never tried football." Of course I don't want to hold him back. So I said Yes. Zed couldn't believe it. "Really? Oh cool! My best friend J is playing and this is going to be so much fun." The excitement in his voice still wasn't enough to cover my fear. Because of course, in my mind, the worst is going to happen - a catastrophic injury of some kind.

So Nick took him for his physical, bought him a jock, cleats and mouthguard, and got him prepped. They started practice yesterday. But it wasn't until I was talking with The Ex that it fully dawned on me. I'd already paid for and signed him up for basketball. So Zed will be playing basketball at the rec center, football at school, and be in the band. (Sidenote: I also checked the band schedule, and they never play at a 7th grade game.) Plus he'll have his homework and other chores.

On top of that, Elle is playing on TWO soccer teams. She begged to play one more season with her rec team that she's played with since Kindergarden. And she wants to play with her new club team. I had to check those rules too. Technically they're not allowed to play on two teams, but since they're in different divisions, they allow it. So, she'll have two games and two practices per week.

Basketball, football, soccer, band...my head is already swimming. I'm going to have to be more faithful to my calendar book and remember to write it all down like I'm supposed to. And to stand and smile on the sidelines, cheering for every good play, wincing and enouraging at the not-so-good plays.

On top of it all, between now and October, I'm also playing dominoes, golf, softball, running, biking, and swimming (hoping a business trip gets me out of that one) for my company's team during a Special Olympics fundraiser thingy-mabob. Sleep? What's that?

But until the school year starts, the kids have to entertain themselves somewhat during the day. And not all electronic entertainment. Elle has been reading the Junie B. Jones books. Zed finished Harry Potter VII last week. Today he started on Tom Sawyer. They also have 'summer workbooks' which I procured from Barnes & Noble. Grade-level tasks to refresh their young minds. Zed is working on reading comprehension and Elle is working on writing, math & reading. And, their time is interspersed with Game Boy, lunch, naps, walks and movies. Today was Where the Red Fern Grows. The 1974 version based on the Wilson Rawls novel. If you haven't read this book, read it. If you haven't seen this movie, see it. One of the great boy-dog stories of all time. I read this book in 6th grade English, and openly cried in class. It's stuck with me ever since.

T0night I traded in the BBOnline DVD for a free in-store rental. Tomorrow they will watch Far From Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog. Trying to find a movie that is suitable and palatable for both nearly-9 and just-12 year old kids is tough. Another movie that I'll be looking for is The Journey of Natty Gann. I was 10 when this movie came out, and I loved it. And it's loosely related to the canine theme with the wolf. And of course Old Yeller. What other framily-friendly dog-themed movies are there? I mean, besides Lassie & Benji.

Tonight at dinner, we somehow came to talk about the subject of dating. Zed is in 7th grade this year, and has had a crushes on a couple of girls over the last couple of years. Of course, these are the from-afar-she-doesn't-know-I-exist-crushes. He typically gets very embarassed when talking about girls, but tonight he was asking questions. Like about how you actually ask a girl out and what kinds of things you say to get her phone number. GULP.

Nick, of course, being Mr. Suave (um, you have read about how he asked me out again at the end of our first date, right?) gave him a few tips. I told Zed his mom is a sucker for big, goofy, hairy guys and not to take his advice so readily. After cautionary tales of cheesy pick-up lines such as "Wow, did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?", Zed thought up his own. On the way home he asked "What about this? 'Call the doctor - I'll need surgery on my eyes after being blinded by your beauty.'" Bwah ha ha. I couldn't contain my chuckles. We advised him against obvious flattery. This is going to be fun.

What's the best/worst pick-up line you've ever used/heard?

Elle and Zed spent another uneventful weekend at their dad's. We asked Elle "What did you do?" Watched TV. "Did you go anywhere?" Not except my soccer game. Nice. Good quality family time. I barely kept the tip of my tongue I was biting it so hard. After Elle spent the month of July calling me and asking me if she could just come back home, I started asking what they do. They watch a lot of TV. Oh, and The Ex can't afford more child support, but he just bought a new TV. Excellent. Priorities. Because now they have 3.

The kids start school in two weeks. I'm ready for them to go back. Last year they'd already started by this time, but the Texas Legislature mandated a later start because parents were complaining about starting earlier and all the long breaks schools were taking during the year. Still, Elle has an early release day at least once a month this year. I don't understand why.

My bathroom is nearly done. The tile installers worked Saturday & Sunday and tiled the shower stall and the floor. It looks pretty fantastic in my opinion. We need our other contractor to come out and finish off the ceiling and side walls where we had to demo to put the new shower in. But other than that, we are nearly DONE with the big stuff. Next weekend the tilers will come back and lay the front bath floor. Projects are being ticked off the list. I hope to have everything done by the end of September. Counter tops are next on the list. We should have a new estimate from Lowe's some time this week. Exciting! I'll be glad when al the home improvement is done and we are able to list our house. I want all this over and done with. It's very stressful, worrying and waiting and wondering. Which makes this weekend's knitting quote of the day very appropos.

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." Franklin Delano Roosevelt