Anyhow, Len Yarea is ridding the world of stupidity...starting with you (while he continues to refer to himself with first and last names in the third person).

Actually, it's not really a ranting verbiage. But it should be. And it shall be. One day...

Compare with the rest of my performances and you'll see the difference a few weeks can make. And by "the rest of my performances" I mean one other performance, that wasn't even in front of a "real" audience.

---

Update on financial progress:

Total support to date: 14 people
Total number of people who gave me a high-five after my performance: 1 person

Previous dollar TOTAL: $6.95
How much I made from 2nd Bringer Show: $0
Cost of DVD from 3nd Bringer Show: $20

TOTAL: $26.95

So... I am dreaming that I am trying to get to work/pay for something/whatever the original silly plot was and I am faced with a bully from elementary school. He is still much bigger than me and keeps asking me questions and knocking me around for the benefit of his burnout friends who all picked up pack-a-day habits in the first grade.  I am trying to get away but I am living in dorm of sorts with not only him but this scary dealer/general hustle-y type person I knew in college.

I get in an elevator with some person delivering many containers of stuff that is fried.  The elevator gets stuck- the delivery person is hitting me up for all of the money that some frat boys owe him.  I end up eating some onion rings and feel instantly guitly- I don't know how I got out of the elevator but I am suddenly seeking solace in a group of friends I knew in highschool.  I really want this guy in particular, an old bff sort of that always had a crush on me (the guilt of always relying on that fact haunts me still) and he starts to get cold and is paying more attention to my (then) frenemies.  I pull him aside and he tells me that it is pathetic for me to still use him when I am married and grown.  I remember that I am married, married to someone amazing, but I am trapped somewhere in time (like all of time) and I can't remember or can remember but can't get back to my regular life. It is even more complicated than all of that.  The friend from highschool that I had to cancel 'blast from the past' plans with last week (in my real, waking, now life) is giving me a ride and starts to point out that I am really not so nice as I say I am and that everyone has this sort of low-grade contempt for me--- as I had feared all along.

This is not the first dream that I have had like this.  I have this one re-occuring dream where I am in this one argument over and over again.  The actual argument occurred in 1992.  I was walking down the hall at school with a couple of friends and no one had anything to say.  I tried to lighten the mood and get told to just 'shut up', and that the only reason this particular girl had been tolerating me at all lately was because these guys that we knew liked me and wouldn't stand for her destroying me or something very 1992 like that.  This plaid-clad 'my so-called life'mare keeps coming back and coming back since I added this girl on myspace.

I can't help but wonder what it was like even ten years ago when people dealt with all of this garbage on one day (that could be easily avoided, even): a highschool class reunion, or some other 'old times' get-together.  It must have ben so easy to forget.  I would have forgotten half of the people that I have recently added even existed!

I can't say it has been all bad, though.  I mean, I have reconnected with people that I actually missed having in my life.  It can be truly great to find a childhood friend and reminisce.  It can be! I have really enjoyed that.

Something I can't get past is the sort of 'look at me now' factor.  I am wary of anyone whose invite comes with a fairytale-type story followed up with very pointed questions.  "I fell in love, it has been a whirlwind romance... after we back-packed Europe... teaching the children in the jungle.... so, you have a kid now?  You married someone with a job?" I think some people live for the big 'reveal'.  Like, "remember what a frump I was in highschool? Well, now I am super beautiful and everyone else looks older and so matronly".  I percieve that a lot.

Yeah, I had considered how unready I was to be available to my past in a click. I mean, people put on this big facade for one evening at their class reunion: coaching their spouses, crash dieting.... Isn't that the stuff of sitcom legend?  I am just sort of suddenly 'out there' with no real illusion at all.  There is my picture, there are a couple of pictures other people have added that I am in.  Here are some people I am know.  This is where I live.  I have a kid and I am married to this guy.  That is really all there is. When people ask me what I have been up to I tell them the most boring story in the world: I work part time, I am home with my son.  I am happy.  I field questions about former craziness or bizarre rumors and have to disappoint.

Anyway- this is entry is going on too long.  I have to get ready for work. I am getting ready for work with 30 years of insecurities fresh in my mind.  Thanks!

A similar principle should be applied to downward escalators which henceforth will be known as 'diminishers' or 'diminivators'.

And if you prefer to call elevators by the term 'lifts', then on the way down you might want to start calling them 'drops'.

There are few things that really annoy infuriate me... and here they are - in bullet points! 

• I hate when people step on the back on my shoes - flip flops are even worse.  I literally see red when this happens.  I can't take it.  It takes every ounce of strength in me to not turn around and beat the snot out of the offender. 
• I can't be hungry.  Hunger does strange things to me.  I turn into a raging bitch with no patience.  I can't think of anything other than food.  The boy calls it 'skinny rage.'  I call it 'feed me now before I kill you.'  The boy is fully aware of the signs and has moments of this disease also.  Don't come around us when we're both hungry - someone may lose a limb. 
• Baby strollers on the bus.  Seriously people - you're killing me.  The MBTA likes to tell me that 'riders and baby strollers need to share space.'  Have you ever tried to squeeze past a cadillac sized baby stroller on a bus before?  IMPOSSIBLE.  I get my shoe caught every. time.  I'm an unnaturally clumsy person, I can barely walk through the isle without tripping when there are no obstacles.  Adding strollers to that mess is a dangerous situation for me.
• Elevators.  I don't know what it is about them.  For some reason, people cannot act normally when they are confined to a small space with complete strangers.  Get in, push your button, and shut up.  Don't stare at me, don't ask me why I'm going to the fifth floor, and please for the love of God, don't talk to me about the weather.  We are sharing an elevator - not a bed.  We don't need small talk for the 37 seconds that we are together. 

NYCHA has an incredible number of elevator malfunctions and flunked inspections.  See our prior post.  It appears that something is wrong at NYCHA.  Either its elevator maintenance staff is spread too thin or the staff is mismanaged.

We have had many NYCHA tenants approach us who have malfunctioning elevators in their buildings.

We hope that the pressure of The Times's coverage will cause NYCHA to correct this deplorable situation.

If you have been involved in an elevator accident, please feel free to call me at 800-581-1434.

Mark E. Seitelman, 9/30/08, www.seitelman.com.

   Arlene Williams, an NYCHA tenant testified that she was injured when she fell down stairs in April.  She took the stairs because the elevator was out of order.  This is a common complaint that we have heard from our clients who have been injured on staircase falls in NYCHA buildings.

In fiscal 2008 NYCHA has had an incredible 43,762 failures regarding its 3,337 elevators.

Here are some things that you can do to prevent an elevator accident:

• Report a problem to your  building and "311."  The building management should be told of the problem so that there is a record showing that it was placed on notice.  This is necessary for a lawsuit.  I would recommend a call to the City's 311 number for NYCHA tenants as well as tenants with regular elevator malfunctions.  A 311 complaint will result in a Building Department complaint.
• Be careful on either either entering or leaving an elevator.  The typical elevator accident is a tripping incident where the elevator mislevels with the floor.
• If you must take the stairs, be careful.  Many of our clients have had falls on the stairs when the elevator was not working.  Be careful on the stairs which may have litter and foreign substances.  Be sure to use the handrails.

If you have had an elevator accident, please feel free to call us at 800-581-1434.

Mark E. Seitelman, 9/27/08, www.seitelman.com.

So your coming home from work. You had to use the bathroom at Grand Central Station but you figure "I can hold it" You blast your ipod and in 20 minutes you have reached your stop and now you have to walk home. For some reason, that urine you have been holding in is starting to get more painful. With every step it is starting to hurt more and more. You may even have a little surprise along with urine at this point and now life is no longer fair. This unrelenting pain is so insane, that now you have to stop walking and stand hunched over as people pass by staring at you. It looks as though your building is getting farther and farther away even though you walk closer towards it. "Ok I can do this". U negotiate a weird noise on the inside of your stomach and buy yourself 5 more minutes of time. But your insides have let you know...5 more minutes and its time to release some stress in the form of the team of "yellow and brown" So you reach your building. Its a cool 55 degrees but your sweating. You go to open the door to your building and quickly reach for your keys that have to be on the bottom of your bag. Door opens, and your ready to run through. Then you make the biggest mistake of your life.

For some reason, you turn your head. Why in the world did you turn your head. Your having an out of body experience and if you could you would smack yourself right now. You turn your head, and someone who lives in your building is walking towards the door. Now you HAVE to hold the door for them. They are basically whistling as they walk and then they notice your act of kindness. Their face lights up as they realize they have been taking their sweet time and they jog to the door. At this point you want to "lose yourself" in your pants. You get to the elevators and now you have to small talk with this person because you live in the same building. You stare at where the elevators are. 4, 3, 2, Bingo!. Then you realize that you have just taken the elevator with Satan. This human, who you held the door for lives on....the 2nd floor. You live on the 7th. This mid 30's dude couldn't take the stairs? If you live on the 2nd floor, have no groceries, no kids, and are riding the elevator with someone else... it should be a law that you should take the stairs. If not, you deserve to leave that elevator covered in "yellow and brown".

So your coming home from work. You had to use the bathroom at Grand Central Station but you figure "I can hold it" You blast your ipod and in 20 minutes you have reached your stop and now you have to walk home. For some reason, that urine you have been holding in is starting to get more painful. With every step it is starting to hurt more and more. You may even have a little surprise along with urine at this point and now life is no longer fair. This unrelenting pain is so insane, that now you have to stop walking and stand hunched over as people pass by staring at you. It looks as though your building is getting farther and farther away even though you walk closer towards it. "Ok I can do this". U negotiate a weird noise on the inside of your stomach and buy yourself 5 more minutes of time. But your insides have let you know...5 more minutes and its time to release some stress in the form of the team of "yellow and brown" So you reach your building. Its a cool 55 degrees but your sweating. You go to open the door to your building and quickly reach for your keys that have to be on the bottom of your bag. Door opens, and your ready to run through. Then you make the biggest mistake of your life.

For some reason, you turn your head. Why in the world did you turn your head. Your having an out of body experience and if you could you would smack yourself right now. You turn your head, and someone who lives in your building is walking towards the door. Now you HAVE to hold the door for them. They are basically whistling as they walk and then they notice your act of kindness. Their face lights up as they realize they have been taking their sweet time and they jog to the door. At this point you want to "lose yourself" in your pants. You get to the elevators and now you have to small talk with this person because you live in the same building. You stare at where the elevators are. 4, 3, 2, Bingo!. Then you realize that you have just taken the elevator with Satan. This human, who you held the door for lives on....the 2nd floor. You live on the 7th. This mid 30's dude couldn't take the stairs? If you live on the 2nd floor, have no groceries, no kids, and are riding the elevator with someone else... it should be a law that you should take the stairs. If not, you deserve to leave that elevator covered in "yellow and brown".

Of course, writers of "hard SF" saw this coming some time ago.

It was my very first time going to the Macaroni Grill, and let me just say it was AWESOME.  The food was incredible.  I just wanna thank Wes Watson and Larry Hubatka for treating all of us, and for just a fun night together with friends and Elevators. I had a blast.

It appears that the elevator had a faulty switch which should have prevented the elevator cab from moving as long as the elevator gate was open.  Also, the manual run lever failed to stay in neutral which allowed the cab to move without an operator.

Building owners have the non-delegable duty to maintain elevators in sound condition.  Typically, landlords do not have the technical expertise to maintain and repair elevators, therefore, 99% of owners hire an elevator service company for regular maintenance and repairs.  For example, a landlord would enter a service contract with an elevator company, such as Otis.  The elevator company would provide regular maintenance visits, anywhere from monthly to every three or four months.  The elevator company would also be under contract to respond on an emergency basis when the elevator malfunctions.

Since landlords usually hire elevator service companies, the elevator company is the target defendant in a lawsuit.

Elevator cases can be difficult to prove.  The injured party must prove that the building or elevator service company had prior notice of the dangerous condition.  In other words, plaintiff must show that defendants either knew of the problem or should have known of the problem if they had made regular inspections.   Many times we have have had to hire an elevator expert to prove negligence.

For example, a person trips on exiting the elevator due to a mis-leveling of the elevator to the building floor.  Plaintiff must show that either the building or the elevator company had "prior notice" of this problem.  This can be done with other, similar accidents at the same elevator, tenant complaints, and the landlord's complaints to the elevator company that there was a problem.  All of these things must occur before the client had his accident.

There are other instances where the accident in itself proves negligence.  For example, if the elevator were to drop twenty stories to the basement, this extraordinary occurrence may be sufficient proof of negligence. 

We have handled many elevator cases in residential and commercial buildings.  If you have been involved in an elevator accident, please feel free to call us at 800-581-1434.

Mark E. Seitelman, 9/14/08, www.seitelman.com.

dream 1: wednesday 6:30am

I found myself doing renovations to this greek restaurant. Maybe of a friend? I first found myself showing the guy keyboards to put on the walls or in the windows as art I think. I'm trying to convince the owner to let me use his spare space because assembly he has a lot of it and that I can pay him rent for it. I want to start my own cafe business with a music venue in the back. I can see it walking around, how the tables and chairs are setup, speakers everywhere, people, stage, stage curtain, and design layout. An earthquake happens and since his greek place is all broken up I suppose this is the point where he let me help him rebuild it and also build my vision attached to his restaurant. Also before this earthquake happens I remember going upstairs to the second level and going to the bar to get a drink. I ask for some rum. The bartender asks what kind and I reply coconut rum with pineapple juice. For a minute I hesitate because I see a woman with a white russian drink and its my favorite. I stick with my drink though and look around. The place looks almost like a mexican place with bridge like mini arches for each opening where the existing tables were with tons of green plants. It was a beautiful place to eat and very romantic. It almost seemed like this place was in the middle of nowhere or fields surrounding it. I also remember hearing The Strokes while doing renovations. I wake up.

dream 2: wednesday 8:30am - dream continues

After I went back to sleep two hours later I woke up remember having to get to class. I'm out front of these four tall buildings and I am told to meet up with a class on the 13th floor. I find an elevator where I almost miss the door closing. Two older women are in the elevator with me talking. There are no level buttons to push. We just start going straight up and I figure I'm going to have to just wait until it comes back down. The elevator first can be described as having 4 doors in it with 4 different pathways to random apartment doors. This could have been a stop or the actual elevator for the time up until the elevator starts to move sideways. During the time up I'm getting acrophobia. I can feel my fears build the higher we go up. It feels like the elevator has no sides and just keeps moving higher and higher. When it starts to move sideways it appears that I can see the moon rising with clouds behind it. First we move away from seeing the moon the higher it rises and the more orange the sky becomes. I can see the ocean under the moon and I start thinking I'm in Hawaii traveling over the mountains or hills in the elevator. I can feel my back against the side of the elevator. It is open all around now and I fear for my life I'm going to fall out as I see the moon, orange clouds, and ocean grow larger. We end up in front of the large buildings again. It was basically some kind of transportation system that came out of the building, over the landscape, and picks up people to go back. Since I'm already going to be late for the class on the 13th floor I take out a cell phone, rather large, and look for faces with telephone numbers. I call one of the students. My watch shows 2:00 PM. I miss the class, but find the teacher and she tells me I can't miss this class. A student friend of mine gets me on his father's private jet outside. When first on it I see his wife and child. He says they are newly married for the past 3 months although they have a bran new baby. I ask how that's possible since the child is at least 9 months old. It seems we joke with each other and say he's the best father ever or something. The private jet seems almost like a mini toy jet flying through the air and going up gutter holes/steam air exhausts. At one point we are driving it down the road slightly running off to the right side so the wings don't hit oncoming cars or the trees to the right. It makes me nervous because the front wheel is going on to the gravel and I think it will cause a major accident with the plane. In the end I am with the friend. He has four hot pizza delivery bags with pizzas likely in them. They are on a table. I wake up.

dream 3: wednesday 10:35am

I'm arguing with my mother and father in the middle of a cross section of 3 streets that join together. All our crap consuming of a car, single bed, tree branches, and odd stuff is just sitting in the road. I'm trying to get somewhere and working on clearing all the stuff because my parents won't. I'm just trying to get stuff out of the road. A neighbor comes up and asks how I'm doing with my computer evolutions? I don't have a clue of what he is asking about. Ahead of me on a couch or something on the street with other belongings I see two cats. One is my old cat Boots. A loveable fat furry cat. I hug him. My mother and I get in the car. Seems like a 1980's Plymouth Reliant type. A square 4 door car, small, and someone almost hits us stopping right at the corner. It is my old childhood neighborhood. Another driver again is driving down the opposite side of the road and we wait for him to pass. Guy and girl drives pass us in an old square convertible. It wasn't like any convertible I've ever seen and likely doesn't exist. At this point I'm realizing most cars I see in dreams are boxy and square. I recognize the female. I tried to ask her out or date her in a dream recently, but I got turned down. Next I'm in a school bathroom. It seems like they are all adults or teachers going to take a wiz. One tells me they will meet after school around 6 pm and another younger student shows me these cigarettes offered in a clear box on the wall. We grab some. We are smoking outside in what appears to be a valley maybe I can see with not much urbanization around us. Two geeks or outcasts have their dicks taped to their hands taped to something. They can't get away. My friend and ignore them not to create attention. The punks that did it jump out of the ground or bushes. We know we are next so we say they are wimps and can't beat us up. One of the guys, the one I'm about to fight, has red curly like hair. I flick my cigarette in his hair and it burns on the ends just a bit. We wrestle and somehow we get both of them to back off. Since they were unsuccessful at beating us up we somehow make a truce and they like us. I wake up.

"Hi All,  I just got a call that the north elevator should be working now.  Good Luck.  Sharon"

giddy on up and giddy on down

.

and.... HAPPY BERRIBIRTHDAY!!  !!  !!

I don't expect to be let through the door first or let out of the elevator first but, and herein lies my problem, some guys expect me to go through the door first and leave the elevator first and I rarely know which type I have on my hands.

Get over yourself, your thinking.  How much of an issue can this be?

Not much I guess, only I get in an elevator with complete strangers twice at day at the car park where I abandon my car during work hours.

I'm aware of the issue in the evenings.  It's the mornings that usually catch me out.  There I am, having driven the same old route to work that I've been driving the past nine years and having listened for the past forty minutes to an hour to podcasts or music and now zoned out and in complete la-la land when I realise that someone is waiting for me to move.  Waiting patiently, because they're nice and polite and being chivalrous.  And I, standing like a prat, paying no attention, wonder what's going on.

And not wanting to seem ungrateful I mutter thanks, half smile (the very best I can do early in the morning) and I finally move, so that everyone else can.

It's a little crazy that I prefer the rude people, but I least I know where I stand.

Think you could conquer the U.S. Bank and stair climb it's 75 flights of stairs? (1500 steps to be exact) Help YMCA promote healthy lifestyles and challenge disease as you battle the tallest building West of the Mississippi. If you make it to the top you'll be rewarded with limitless beer for a year! Fo Realz! Register now at Elevators are for Wimps! Training is being offered by my boy Mervous (aka Paul) just ask for him at the Y.

"Who's with me?"

- iDOL

Do you not trust me, madam? Clearly it's pressed. Clearly I'm standing here. Clearly I'm not retarded.

Have you ever seen someone just hanging out by an elevator alone not getting on? They're lost, probably, or they have an innate fear of pressing elevator buttons and are just waiting for someone to come by and handle it, and we all know how common that is.

It's so unfriendly, I think is my issue with the matter. It's one thing if the lightbulb is burned out. It's another if you get into the elevator and instinctually you reach for the button, which just happens to be pressed.

But why press it when I'm standing there obviously waiting there? What are they expecting of me? "Oh, you had to press the direction I'm going!? Thank you so much for the lesson. You're my hero!" Asshole.

You’ve likely seen indoor garages before, photographed in ultra-expensive mansions. We’ve even seen elevators to take your car away, to the underground parking. The CarLift, designed by the German architect firm Topos, will be installed in a swanky new six-storey apartment building located in the Kreuzberg district of Berlin.

As you can imagine, the cost of such luxury and convenience does not come cheap; the smallest apartment in the building is $700,000 and the penthouse is $2.4 million. But if you have separation issues with your car, the CarLift may help you sleep soundly.

Source: trendhunter