It seems that this year has just been hell. Between Traci Michaelz, Bryan, George Carlin, Bernie Mac...need I say more?

This sucks.

Found an article, not quite in the mood to type much today.

RIP Gidget Gein, you will be missed.

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The details are still sketchy, but close friends of musician and artist Gidget Gein (aka Brad Stewart) tell us he was found dead yesterday of an apparent OD in his home in Burbank. Considering his macabre sensibilities, we'd hoped this was some kind of goth stunt, but calls to the LA Coroner today confirm the passing.

]]> http://julian1st.wordpress.com/?p=2052 Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:53:13 +0000 julianayrs http://julian1st.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/heath-ledgerreliastar-insurance-scam-bad-pr-man/ ING financial services robs children of their legacies...

Everyone was shocked by the untimely death of actor Heath Ledger, especially in view of the fact mysterious intrigues surrounded his life, in the final hours.

After much wrangling, it's my understanding that the family agreed Mr. Ledger's three-year old daughter (Matilda Rose) should inherit the estate.

However, on the heels of his death, ReliaStar Insurance is balking at the prospect of paying out a life insurance policy to the young heiress in the sum of $10 million.

Although a New York Coroner's report found that Ledger died from accidental causes, representatives of ReliaStar are seeking to void the policy on the grounds that under the terms and conditions, the carrier is entitled to contest payment until it determines whether the actor acted in bad faith and/or committed suicide.

Since the New York Coroner's office issued a finding that the death was due to accidental causes - Ledger's legal counsel are accusing the carrier of engaging in stalling and delaying tactics - in a deceitful effort to "hold on" to the money longer.

In a counter argument, ReliaStar has hinted that Ledger may have not been forthcoming with regard to information he provided on the application for the policy.

In view of the fact Ledger made payments on the policy for over two years before he passed away several months ago - and no questions were raised during that time frame when the actor was alive- it does beg at least one question.

Why is are they contesting the facts now?

In my opinion, ReliaStar is making a big public relations mistake.

To snatch away the inheritance of a three-year old will obviously not bode well for the image of their company.

By the way, is "relia" short form for "reliable", I wonder?

If so, how ironic!

Once the glaring spotlight falls on this "unreliable" insurance carrier - a division of the Dutch Financial Services "biggie" ING - I expect American consumers will turn away from their policies in droves.

Yup, ReliaStar is on the verge of a public relations disaster. 

I'm hedging my bets on the "kid".

How 'bout you?

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Patients and relatives who live in Ontario, and have an inquiry about Intensive Care, Critical Care, or Emergency.

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How we work:

Follow these steps:

1. First read our terms of service agreement.  If you have read and agreed to the conditions, email us on this website: www.woomail.com/expertrns with your questions/concerns regarding the care of your relative who is in ICU, Critical Care, or who has been admitted to Emergency.  Please be concise and as thoughtful with your questions/concerns as possible.
2. Wait for a personalized email response from us acknowledging receipt of your email (within one business day).  We will be responding from www.woomail.com/expertrns to the email address you provided.

Get answers fast from unbiased, experienced Registered Nurses who are still working in Toronto's Critical care, ICU, and Emergency areas.

An example of information that you should know:

In five of Toronto's teaching hospitals Sunnybrook, Mt. Sinai, Toronto General (UHN), St. Michael's, and Toronto Western (UHN), you will be encountering Residents, Fellows, and the Attending Physician of the ICU/Critical care or Emergency.  Residents and Fellows stay close by in the area and are accessible to the Nurses.  It is important for you to choose a family spokesperson who will then pass on any information to the rest of the family.  Know what the name of the Doctor is who visits and "rounds" on your family member, and whether he is a Resident or Fellow, because they may change every 12 hours.  Also know the name of the Attending Physician responsible for the entire unit.  Know the name of your assigned Nurse for that 12 hour shift and develop a rapport with her/him (they change every 12 hours).  You have a right to an update every 12hrs, and you can ask for one from the assigned Nurse.  If you have not been updated by a Resident or Fellow in a couple of days, you have a right to an update from them as well.  A Nurse is your best patient advocate and they will go the extra mile for you, but they are human and will not put up with overly assertive or rude behavior.

Know what times the Nurses give report at and when the best times to visit are.  Do your best to adhere to the visiting policy of the unit.  Unless your relative is in grave condition and may die, you will not be allowed to stay overnight in their room, or even in the waiting room (ask permission from the Charge Nurse before you decide to bunk in the waiting room).  There are some exceptions made for patients who do not understand English, however consult with you Nurse or the Nurse in Charge before staying beyond visiting hours, or arriving before visiting hours.

Your Nurse will welcome your help in giving your relative mouth care, eye care, or skin care, but since most ICU/Critical Care patients are ventilated by mouth, and have various lines in their hands and sometimes legs, ask permission before doing such things.

Please read our Terms of Service Agreement before emailing us.

A Day In The Life Of A Critical Care Nurse:

Federal prosecutors have decided not to pursue a possible criminal case into how Heath Ledger obtained the powerful painkillers that contributed to his overdose earlier this year, a law enforcement official Wednesday.

Prosecutors in the U.S. Attorney’s office in Manhattan had been overseeing a Drug Enforcement Administration probe into whether the painkillers found in Ledger’s system were obtained illegally. But the prosecutors have opted to bow out “because they don’t believe there’s a viable target,” said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because no charges have been filed.

Olsen's lawyer has twice refused requests for her to speak with investigators, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing. The lawyer, Michael C. Miller, said the "Full House" actress has nothing to do with the drugs, and has already told the government everything she knows.

"We have provided the government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger's death," Miller said in a statement Monday, "and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed."

The official confirmed a report that Olsen wants a promise of immunity from prosecution before speaking to the Drug Enforcement Administration. Olsen was a close friend of Ledger's, and was the first person called by a masseuse who found the 28-year-old "Dark Knight" actor's lifeless body in his Manhattan apartment.

Authorities have obtained a subpoena that could force Olsen to appear before a grand jury if negotiations with her lawyer fail, the official said. Other potential witnesses all have answered questions voluntarily, including doctors, Ledger's ex-girlfriend Michelle Williams and anyone who was in his apartment around the time of his death, the official added.

DEA investigators suspect the painkillers oxycodone and hydrocodone found in Ledger's system were obtained with phony prescriptions or other illegal means, the official said. Oxycodone is sold as OxyContin; and hydrocodone as Vicodin.

The other drugs, including anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills, were prescribed legally by doctors in California and Texas, the official said.

The medical examiner's office wouldn't say what concentrations of each drug was found, but made clear he was killed by the combination — not an excess of any one drug in particular. It's common for the DEA to investigate an overdose death with so many different drugs involved, spokesman Garrison Courtney said last month.

The DEA's New York office declined comment on the stalemate with Olsen, which was first reported Monday by the New York Post. There was no immediate response to a message left with a spokeswoman for Olsen.

The masseuse discovered Ledger's body on Jan. 22. Police say she spent nine minutes making three calls to Olsen before dialing 911 for help, then called the actress a fourth time after paramedics arrived. At some point during the flurry of frantic calls, Olsen, who was in California, summoned her personal security guards to the apartment to help, police said.

Shortly after the Australian-born actor's death, Olsen issued a statement that read: "Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss."

Article by Tom Hays
Andre Jetmir iNPLACENEWS

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(Just Say No to crack and Reaganomics)

Drugs like meth, crack and heroin are thankfully still a mystery to me. I'll never forget my first time through the D.A.R.E (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program when Officer Kavaloski gave me the information that kept me off the pipe, powders, pills and needles. He successfully told me two of those stories that after you hear them, they never seem to leave your memory. Officer Kavaloski stood tall and serious as he said to my D.A.R.E class - Drugs make you crazy. I was called to a house of a woman who was high on PCP and you know what she did? (He paused for emphasis) She ate off the tips of each one of her ten fingers. Despite the fact, that my mind was far from fully developed, that still did not sound appealing.  But he didn't stop there...And I once answered a call where a man high on LSD jumped from a 50-story building because he thought he could fly. Well, he couldn't, but he could liquify. It was at that moment that Officer Kavaloski ruined any potential I had for a "good buzz" in my teen years.

With all the pictures that we seem to be constantly inundated with showcasing those "attractive" individuals who do find a taste for drugs like meth, crack and heroin, why would anyone want to try it? You mean I can go from having a home to being homeless and forced to sell my scarred-up body to douche bags in order to feed an addiction to a drug that will destroy my dreams and make my parents cry? Sign me up!

It especially pains me to see true talent go to waste because of an addiction to drugs. This is how I feel about my homegirl Amy Winehouse. She is truly talented! She's not like those other female "singers" out there who think just because they can afford to make an album, they should. Amy is an actual innovative and remarkable talent. After I first heard her Back to Black album, I was hooked. Every song on that album is worth my money, my time and my admiration. She was able to mix 60's soul and blues and make it fresh for today's audience. She seemed to me to be the pale version of Otis Redding and Diana Ross's love child. Somehow she was able to channel Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson and Etta James in her breathy tunes and emotional lyrics. I then discovered her debut album Frank  and became confident that she was going to change the current state of popular music for the better. However, now her talent seems to take a backseat to her love of crack and booze. I realize that many artists and creative people are messed up, but this is ridiculous. She's been photographed smoking crack, bruised, bloody, and stoned out of her mind. She is now only a skeleton of what she once was and in desperate need of nutrition that isn't in the form of crack, Mountain Dew, Marlboro Reds or cheese curls.  And all I want to know is what happened?

(Don't worry, I ate last week)

Amy was once not only talented, but attractive. Isn't there someone who can step in and take power of attorney over her? It's obvious she's out of her mind on crack. I recently read a Rolling Stone interview with Amy Winehouse and it broke my heart. She couldn't even make a coherent statement and spent a ridiculous amount of time professing her love for her incarcerated husband and fellow crackhead, Blake. She now seems to be surrounded by only paparazzi and enablers who come in and out of her London crack-den at all hours of the day.

Amy's looks aren't even the most alarming change that has come from her drug addiction. Her health seems to be deteriorating at a rapid pace. It seems that once a week, Amy is in the hospital for some bogus reason that does little to mask the fact that she' sick because SHE'S A CRACKHEAD! She is even in the early stages of emphysema. She's only 24 years old!

Where are Amy's real friends? And where is the show Intervention when you need it? I think A&E should now step in and work with anyone who cares about this girl, grab her by her beehive and drag her to rehab. It's overdue! Sure she proclaims "no, no, no" in her Rehab diddy, but that's so 2007. It's now 2008 and Amy needs rehab even more than Sienna Miller needs a lesson in morality and Michelle Duggar needs to give her vagina a rest!

(My baby door is sore)

So someone PLEASE SAVE AMY before we lose her! She's only got a little over 2 years before she could join the FOREVER 27  club!

The spike is a serious sign that many U.S. patients are having trouble coping with the shorter hospital stays, less clinical oversight and more powerful medications that have become hallmarks of medical care in recent years, said David P. Phillips, a sociologist at the University of California at San Diego.

“In the old days, you’d stay in the hospital three times as long,” said Phillips, whose team analyzed more than 50 million U.S. death certificates from 1983 to 2004.

Here's a crazy statistic: In 1983, 93 people died from an at-home combination of pill, street drugs and/or alcohol. By 2004, the number of people who died from the same thing skyrocketed to 3,792!

Maybe this shows that more people need supervision while on prescribed medication. It feels like hospital stays are getting shorter and shorter and at the same time people are being given stronger drugs to be able to cope at home. Meanwhile, individuals may not completely understand the importance of knowing exactly what the drugs they are taking can do.

I went to see both of these movies last night. We started to watch a third, but Bunny started getting a migraine. The good news is she's feeling all better today. ;) Now, on with the movies. :)

The Dark Knight was first at bat (HA! I kill me, not). I knew they were going for a darker Batman, but I had no idea how serious they were. I was totally caught off guard by some of the places this movie went. It was dark, it was dirty and it was good. Heath Ledger delivered an amazing Joker unlike none you've ever seen before. I was on the edge of my seat holding tightly to the arm rests. There was a grown man sitting near me doing a lot of "OMG"ing and other such exclamations that took away from my viewing pleasure, but I couldn't really fault the guy. The movie had that effect on people. Unfortunately for me he was a bit more vocal than others and just off to my left. All in all a very good movie with a rather sad ending, but fitting. No disappointments here. The Dark Knight earned every ounce of it's PG-13 rating, and I'm sure it was teetering on the verge of becoming a rated R movie. This Batman movie might not be suited for the younger young ones, but I'll leave that decision in your capable hands. ;) If you haven't seen it yet, it is well worth the price of admission.

Next up at bat (not funny at all this time, go figger) is Wall-E. Wall-E was everything folks had lead me to believe, but with a little more dialog than I expected. The way people were talking I was expecting a handful of words during the whole movie, but there was a bit more than that. Still I was not disappointed. Wall-E was fun, lovable and left you with a few things to think about. The health and wellbeing of the earth was the moral of the day, and it was tackled quite well, poking plenty of fun at us silly humans. It took me so long to see this movie that I would suggest waiting for it to come out on DVD for the simple fact that I'm sure that that time is right around the corner. With that being said, it was worth the price of admission, but it was shown in a tiny little theater due to its being on the border of heading out the door. Still, well worth watching and good fun for the whole family. :mrgreen:

This was one of greatest movies ever made and certainly the best comic book/ superhero movie ever made. There is simply NO ARGUMENT. It just is. Richard Donner's Superman 1 - 2 (yes Donner's, Lester just shot a few scenes), Spider-man 2 and Tim Burton's Batman (1989) were "good" movies, no doubt. Hell, Batman Begins was good but slightly slow paced as it had to delve into the origin story. But The Dark Knight is the Godfather 2 of the comic book genre. In fact, it has risen above the genre to be a "masterpiece"... and a Best Picture Oscar contender. Nolan's direction itself is a Best Director nominee. And then there is The Joker. The late Heath Ledger deserves the best actor Oscar...and both Michael Cain and Morgan Freeman (both Oscar winners) have said he deserves it. Christian Bale also delivers an intense performance. Gary Oldman is vintage. In fact, this could very well be the Godfather 2 of this generation. Give it the Oscars...and lets not be "snobbish" about this being a "comic book film". Roger Ebert has given it 4 stars on 4 (same as Godfather 2)...and he knows a thing or two about films.

The film is mesmerizing...and is 2hours 30minutes of non-stop adrenalin, 'edge of the seat' stuff. Not one second does the pace slacken.  I don't want to go into tiny plot details as you should see it to enjoy it. If there's one movie you should watch this decade, it's The Dark Knight. You will not be disappointed. And you might just go to the box office and throw in another $1000 as the movie was worth the money and more.

Go for The Dark Knight Returns, Nolan. We want to see how you morph The Penguin & The Riddler this time.

And yes, we trust you not to involve that irritating Robin and Batgirl! Batman works best, alone.

Critics and audiences agree that Ledger brought life to the Joker as no one has before, making a comic book character seem real. That’s good news for Warner Brothers, the studio that made the movie.

That is good news for the movie industry, in general. And it is touted as good news for the Ledger family—whose grief might be tempered with understandable pride for an actor whose gifts will likely now be compared with another great artist who died tragically — James Dean.

 There is one problem, however, with all of the excitement. Ledger didn’t do nearly as good a job in his real-life role as a boyfriend and father, it turns out, as he did as an actor. His death has been ruled an accidental overdose of the anti-anxiety agents Valium and Xanax, the sleep aids Restoril and Unisom, and the painkillers OxyContin and hydrocodone (the active ingredient in Vicodin). This accident took place in the setting of Heath reportedly abusing these drugs—kind of like crashing into a wall while driving 100 miles an hour.

We don’t know why. We don’t know the demons that inhabited the conscious and unconscious parts of Ledger’s mind. But those demons require real courage and character to face and overcome. You can’t act your way around them.

Whatever painful dramas roiled Ledger’s psyche, he wasn’t willing or able to insulate his little daughter Matilda Rose from the grief now written into her life story. And there will be no audiences to applaud her performance in dealing with the loss of a parent, no Academy Award for how well she plays the role of brave girl and young woman, no $155 million in tickets to her wedding without a dad to walk her down the aisle.

In real life, you have to own your own suffering and come to terms with it in order to win the awards really worth winning — real self-possession and self-esteem and the certain knowledge that you have brought the best of yourself to those you love.

The entertainment industry understandably wants to turn Heath Ledger’s death into a kind of heroic poetry, a journey through a hall of mirrors in which an actor with demons plays a villain with demons and is lost forever in the maze. But that poetry misses one critical fact: In his role as a father, Heath Ledger walked off stage a long time ago, leaving a little girl to cry tears of grief that not even a Joker’s palette of makeup could turn into a smile.

A DVD of her dad's full-screen image, maybe one with a colleague tearfully accepting the Oscar for him, might be something she can hold onto - but it won't be the same. She won't have a dad to hug and to hold.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatry correspondent for FOX News Channel and a New York Times bestselling author. His newest book, "Living the Truth: Transform Your Life through the Power of Insight and Honesty" has launched a new self-help movement. Check out Dr. Ablow's website at livingthetruth.com.

The kid's mom died from a drug overdose.  Pastor had asked the congregation to help out with funeral costs because the family couldn't cover it.  What Pastor doesn't know is that not everyone in church was happy to help.  One member told a group of us that they were offended that Pastor would ask people to give money for someone who spent most of their time being drugged up.  They said out loud what a lot of people were thinking.  I gave money, because I remembered how hard it was for me to scrape up money for my younger sister's funeral.  The gesture was done more for the family in general, not particularly for the kid.

After Pastor left, I thought of how irresponsible the kid's mother was.  Apparently, getting to the next high was more important to her than her kids (she had a daughter, as well).  Drugs were certainly more important than teaching her cocky, smart-assed son how to act in public.  Once again, society gets put upon with the burden of yet another kid because of a parent whose priorities weren't in order.

I digress, this year the fourth was spectacular. Too Slim and the Tail draggers where the opening and closing act for the wee ones who provided a very clever commercial advertisement for the LIBERTY LAKE ATHLETIC CLUB specifically for the Tae Kwon Do classes offered through the club.
The other highlight of the evening was the breathtaking fireworks display over the lake.
Many Familys where attending with children. I was thankful that the "friends" allowed me the opportunity to explain to my young kids the reasons for the lights, law enforcement and fire
fighting personal and their ambulance making a last minute trip to the park was not for a community relations visit, rather they where arriving as the fireworks show began to attend to a women and man who had overdosed on drugs and or alcohol and had been rendered incapacitated directly in front of the stage!

So We extend out thanks to "THE FRIENDS OF PAVILLION PARK". Thank you for hosting an event which featured public displays of intoxication and the dangers of overdosing on drugs.

She obviously cared for him a great deal and said he was missed beyond words. They met when she was in Sweet Charity at Broadway. Grivas was known for his photography skills as well as skateboarding abilities. It is a difficult struggle and one that takes a lot of persistence to overcome. Drug Addiction Information

2. When I began to hate the tennis team at school, and found my mind picturing awful things happening to them- like the roof collapsing- without even realizing I was doing it. Fortunately I quit the team. Someone asked me how I was one day and I said "I'm not stable how do you think I am?"

3. When I thought my professor was reading my mind. First came the time he looked at me and I saw a flash of light and almost blacked out, and then was afraid to look at him for three classes because I was afraid I would faint if I did. I was convinced he heard me tell him something psychically after that one day, and began to freak out because even when apart I thought he was getting in.  We were very connected, but I REALLY hope he did not know what I was thinking.

4. At the airport before my flight to israel. My thoughts I no longer trusted- who were they coming from? What was that voice in my head? Did it always sound like that? What if someone got into me and took over? It took two days for me to feel sane again.

5 When I walked around Paris alone crying. My sister and I split up after an intense fight, and I wandered the city feeling as though I was a corpse that could feel and cry, not sure how anyone else could be human or relate to one another. I dreamed of jumping off buildings, to feel free for a moment.

In theaters Tuesday, July 1st

Oh yeah, here we go, a superhero movie. :) I've been seeing trailers for Hancock (rated PG-13) for a while now, and they all leave me wanting to see this movie, in the theater I might add. It would appear Hancock (Will Smith) is an accident prone superhero/menace to society. With the help of his PR guy (Jason Bateman) Hancock is attempting to make a reluctant comeback. It's hard to be a hero when you can't get any respect due to your less than subtle ways. It would appear Hancock is too powerful for his own good. I can't wait to see him fumbling his way through to being a respectable hero. I'm rooting for you, Hancock. ;)

In theaters Friday, July 11th

Next up at bat is Hellboy II: The Golden Army (rated PG-13). Bring on the Superheroes. :mrgreen: Rumor has it this sequel is better than the first movie. I sure hope so, because while I enjoyed the first movie, it wasn't all that great. But to Hollywood's credit, more and more sequels and turning out better than their predecessors. I think they're finally starting to realize that special effects alone ain't gonna cut it. For those of you not hip the the Hellboy phenomenon, Hellboy works for Bureau for Paranormal Research and Development. Think MIB (Men In Black) but instead of dealing with aliens the BPRD deals with monster, demons, extra dimensional bad guys, and such. Once again such a threat has emerged and it's up the Hellboy and his BPRD posse to save the world.

In theaters Friday, July 18th

They just keep coming, so you know I'm happy. :P The Dark Knight (rated PG-13) is greatly anticipated by many including myself. This could very well be another case of two being better than one, the sequel that is. Batman fans everywhere are dancing around in their capes, counting down the days. As for fans of Heath Ledger, this is the last movie he made before his untimely death. I'm sure their will be plenty of his fans there mourning his passing and enjoying this talent on screen as the Joker. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but it looks like the Joker might not be the only bad guy making an appearance this time around. Perhaps I've said too much already. ;) "What's the movie about?" Why Batman kicking ass and protecting his city, Gotham of course. :P

In theaters Friday, July 25th

Any big fans of the X-Files out there? The X-Files: I Want To Beleive (rated PG-13) is the sequel you've been waiting for. Me personally, I'm not a big fan, but my wife is so I'll adding this one to the list just for her. "What's the scoop, Peter? What do we have in store?" Well from what I hear it's not really a part to or a follow up to the last one. This is supposed to be a stand alone movie. More searching for the truth, because you know it's out there. ;) More Mulder and Scully awkward (what's really going on between those two) moments. It's all one big mystery, which usually means "we don't want you to know just how much this movie sucks until after we have your money". Watch at your own risk. I'm gonna urge Bunny to hold off on this one. I mean look at all the other cool movies we can blow on dough on instead. :mrgreen:

In theaters Tuesday, July 29th

Part of me wants to see The Lost Boys 2: The Tribe (not rated at posting time) and part of me says "what are you... stupid?" Decision, decisions. I like the first Lost Boys. Honestly, the only reason I want to see this one is because Corey Feldman is coming back as his original character, Edgar Frog. I saw the trailer and he looks exactly the same as he did in the first. Surely a trade secret he picked up from his buddy Michael Jackson. Either that or he scored some real vampire blood while on the set of the first movie. Everyone know in order to make a good vampire movie you have to consult real vampires for the 411. :P Chances are it will suck the big one, so again exercise extreme caution when choosing a movie to shell out the big bucks for. This sounds like a video rental to me.

And that is why I am now a fan of Duffy.  She is what Amy Winehouse would be with a nose job and blonde hair.  Oh, and many less drugs.  Check out her lates single, "Mercy."

Today I learned of yet another young man, in the gay recovery community here in Minneapolis, who died unexpectantly.  The authorities believe he died on Tuesday of last week but his body was not found until Friday.  An autopsy is being performed to ascertain the exact cause of death.

I saw my therapist today and we talked about this being the third individual within my gay recovery circle that took his life or died unexpectedly--surrounding a suspicion of drug abuse or abject loneliness. 

My heart is really heavy today while I consider the hopelessness that my friends and brothers face in the here and now.  I pray for my brothers and sisters in the recovery community that amid the difficult circumstances of life, mounting depression and feelings of alienation that they face, they will know the Grace that is possible if we have faith--in ourselves and each other. 

Some of my friends have difficulty believing that God, or a Higher Power, is there for them.  I think we all can understand that feeling--when we see tragedy, disease, war, greed, poverty, injustice and prejudice.  But my experience--no matter how far down the scale I went--proved out that God was there working through others to reach me when He or She could not. 

I do not purport to know what another person has gone through or is going through.  But I can't help but feeling that there must be more that I/we can do to help one another.  As I look at each of these deaths I realize there is a common denominator:  isolation and loneliness.  A friend once told me that he believed his addiction wanted to get him alone and kill him. 

There was, in fact, a specific day during my using when I realized this was true for me also.  That day I was having a panic attack and asked someone to take me to the emergency room.  The realization of how terminal my addiction could be was a terrifying one.

I don't think I have any nice and tidy bows to wrap this entry up in.  I just have lots of questions.  But I do know that whether I like it or not--I am my brother's keeper.  Now THAT is a sobering thought.

He slipped in and out of consciousness and talked and said a few short things to me. I know he was really down because the last thing he wanted was to get kicked out of the Corps. He always talked about being a "lifer" (someone who stays in the military till retirement) but that was all impossible now. Was today's horrific scene all because someone found out he was gay?! Or is there an underlying problem with this guy that needs to be addressed?! I dont know him well enough to know his past before he joined the Marines, but he always seemed relatively stable and free of drama. It's just a sad situation...

After the paramedics took him away I noticed the two bottles of pills looked brand new and almost full. I wonder if he got drunk to make it look as though he was drugged and was faking an overdose?! He's been taken to Balboa Hospital and is in the psych ward (apparently). My ENTIRE day after the drama of the morning was spent answering questions and retelling my account of what I saw...I guess I just hope he's alright. 

Beyond that, I've really been meaning to head up to Hillcrest the last few days. I need my gay fix for the week!! I like meeting new people randomly on the streets or in coffee shops. Gays seem to be friendlier than the usual strangers so I love perusing Hillcrest for possible new friends/lovers! ;-) The most pressing issue is LUBE. I ran out last night and need more. I really need a boyfriend....He'll do...

I've been getting alot of flak lately from my female friends for finding this guy attractive. His name is Ernests Gulbis, a Latvian pro tennis player. He was recently in the French Open Quarterfinals (where he sadly lost). He's only 19 and a newcomer to the "big stage" of tennis. I've never seen him before this week but instantly fell in love. 

The one on the right *the young one*. He's cute right?! Someone please comment with either a yes or no. I need to know I'm not alone... :-) 

The two college students found dead in a Riverpark Towers apartment probably died of a drug overdose, according to an Athens Police Department news release.

Kelly Armbruster, an Ohio University senior, and Christopher Theil, a Hocking College student, were found dead in Armbruster's apartment May 3. Theil's mother, visiting Athens for Mom's Weekend, found the two students in a bath tub and called 911 at 6:15 a.m.

Authorities released few details about the investigation until today.

The news release is based on a preliminary autopsy report by the Montgomery County Coroner's Office, which indicated the likely drug overdose and ruled out drowning as a cause of death.

There also was no evidence of "significant trauma" to either student, according to the report.

The coroner's office has not completed a toxicology report yet, and Athens Police Capt. Tom Pyle said the department has no tentative date for the release of the final autopsy.

WARNING: THIS DRUG (Digitek) MAY KILL YOU!!!

I just learned today that a Class #1 recall has been issued on my Digitek heart medication! (Class I Recalls by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) are the most severe type of FDA recall. In a Class-I recall there is a potential for serious injury or death!!!).

Do you know how I found out? I got a bill from my mail order pharmacy with my Digitek order marked CANCELED. Before I could place a call to find out why, I actually received an order in the mail. When I opened it I discovered it wasn't Digitek but had somehow been changed to Digoxin. I was very surprised when I noticed I was NOT being charged for this order. I called the mail order pharmacy and discovered Digitek had been pulled from the market due to a manufacturing error which DOUBLED it's normal strength! I also found out that knowledge of this was public since April 25th! That's 11 extra days I've been overdosing! Evidently the manufacturing error started sometime in early January! OMG!

I've been talking to my wife about the possibility I was developing an ulcer. I've been sick to my stomach lately with all the normal results expected from that. If I do manage to keep down a meal, it's always at a cost. I've been fatigued to the point of falling asleep and not being aware it's happened. I've noticed my vision sometimes blurs or even has a yellow tint to it (thought contacts were somehow responsible). Sometimes I see halo's around images (thought it was related to 60's experiments ;) ). Mostly I just felt nauseated. My thoughts continued to focus on a possible ulcer.

Well it wasn't an ulcer!!! I had/HAVE Digitalis Toxicity!

Digitek is a registered trademark of Actavis Totowa (formerly Amide Pharmaceutical, Inc.) for their digoxin tablets. The drug is distributed by Mylan Pharmaceuticals Inc., under a “Bertek” label and by UDL Laboratories, Inc. under a “UDL” label.

You can read about their recall right here. Comments are welcome!

Charles Rocket: Death was ruled suicide (his throat was cut), age 56.  read more

PHIL HARTMAN was shot to death by his wife, Brynn, age 49. read more
CHRIS FARLEY drug overdose of cocaine and other pharmaceuticals, age 33. read more
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE died of a massive stroke, age 54. read more
DANITRA VANCE died from breast cancer, age 40. read more 
GILDA RADNER died from ovarian cancer, age 42. I read her book, It's Always Something. It was an excellent book about her life and battle with ovarian cancer. It was very sad, though. She talked a lot about Gene Wilder, her husband. I am a big fan of both of them. read more
ANDY KAUFMAN died of a rare form of lung cancer, age 35. read more  
JOHN BELUSHI  drug overdose, age 33. watch nightline video report from the morning of his death.

__________Speaking of Saturday Night Live_____________

On July 17, 2007 Jon Lovitz punched Andy Dick (both former cast members of SNL) at an L.A. Comedy Club. Apparently, Andy Dick teased Jon Lovitz about Phil Hartman's death, telling him that he'd be the next to die. It is rumored that Andy Dick got Phil Hartman's wife started on cocaine again after she had been clean for ten years. This happened at a party at Harman's house just five months before she killed Phil and herself.  read more. . . 

Around two we'd had enough of the place. Anita went home and I went to... wait for it... that's right, Heart. Surprise, surprise. I didn't stay too long. I don't think I knew many people there... hard to remember the details of each night. They all seem to blur together into one long continuous stream of stale beer, sweat and old men with their prostitutes. Anyway I didn't stay very long there either and came home at about three. I stopped by Number 9 to see if I knew anyone there. Had a quick chat to a friend and then called it a night.

Here's the interesting part: walking up Street #93 back to The House, I passed by a body slummed up against the wall. I immediately noticed his pockets were turned out, so I knew he'd already been robbed. I could tell it was a male by his clothes although I wasn't sure if he was Khmer or Western. It briefly crossed my mind he could be that Swedish fellow who'd been trying to find me a place to stay but I dismissed the idea. Most likely it was just some homeless bum who'd had a bad night, huffed too much petrol and had passed out. I was the only other person on the street, there was no light and I wasn't about to stop to check if a potentially crazy person was OK. Who knows what could've happened to me if they'd woken up and gone berserk. I figured I'd leave him to his fate and go and pass out myself, but in my safe bed, of course.

Woke up a bit hungover, nothing out of the ordinary, twisted a sarong around myself and went out to join the other house mates on the porch. Before I was even greeted with a "good morning" Anita announced "There's a dead guy on the street!"
"I know, oh, I know! I saw him last night. I walked past him but I didn't know if he was dead or not. Is he Western?"

We sat around for the next few hours speculating over who it could be, what could've happened to him and how long he'd been there. Anita and Eliza went out to have another look-see. When they came back they were able to confirm it was the Swedish man, who turned out to be only 29 years old. I was the only one who knew him but we all pitied him greatly. Each of us were certain it wasn't a drug over dose. His body had just been left in the street, covered by a blanket with a big umbrella over him to keep the midday sun off his rotting corpse. The Cambodians are so slow to move into action on a regular day and because it was Khmer New Year, most people were on holiday and had no interest in cleaning up after a high foreigner. It was after two o'clock when they finally sent an ambulance to get his body. This meant he'd been in the street around twelve hours, with people walking by him in a constant stream. Some didn't have a clue what they were walking past, some hurried past on the opposite side of the street and others even went and lifted up the blanket to have a look.

In times like this we often find ourselves turning to a faithful friend for comfort. In the case of The House, the most faithful friend we have is alcohol. It was decided we'd have afternoon drinks in the garden and try to forget about the dead man just a few hundred metres away. Michelle and I took a trip down to Lucky Drink to stock up on supplies. Eliza and I had decided on Pimms and the rest were to enjoy a cocktail concocted by Michelle.

On the way back we found ourselves unable to get through to The House because an ambulance had finally arrive to collect the body. The street was full of curious Khmers who'd come to see the going-ons. Closest to the body were all the young men aged 18-25 and then further around  were women and children and a couple of  Westerners. Of course we stopped to join in. We wanted to see, to know what had happened. Eliza and Anita had come out of the house just by chance at the same time so they stayed to have a look as well. It was like a movie scene, the way the body looked, the horror and drama of it. The Khmer family who the man had been staying with were there watching as the people in charge ripped off the blanket to reveal a blue and purple corpse, frozen by rigor mortise, white crust around his mouth and blood on his body. We could all see he had met with foul play. This wasn't a straight OD, an occurrence becoming more and common at the Lake. He had blood around his fingernails. His legs and arms were bloody and he had what Michelle described as a white stab would in his side. I was more horrified by the fact that there were unsupervised children walking around, witnessing this murder scene than by the stiff T-Rex position of his arms and his lifeless eyes. Where were their mothers? Fucking stupid Khmers.

We all felt quite ill after this experience. It turned out that Eliza had actually seen him alive the night before at Murphy's. She said it was obvious he was off his face and that she'd had a disagreement with him about the suction cups on the back traditional treatment thing. It was all we could talk about that day. We had hoped to get some more gossip about it that evening but very few people seemed to know about it.

The best information I got on it came a few days later. Thad told me he'd heard that the Swedish man had died froma blow to the back of the head given to him by a Muslim man who'd tried to mug him near the Mosque. Not likely! This is just the racism of the Khmers coming out yet again. Blame it on a minority and everything will be all right. I'm pretty sure the body was dumped where it was but I'm also pretty sure it wasn't a mugging. You don't hear about that happening at Lakeside because it rarely does. Also, the guy had been around quite some time, maybe a month but probably longer so he was well known. Everyone knows everyone's shit in Boeng Kak because people like to talk. So everyone would've known that he was staying with a Khmer family, how much money he had, if he had a job etc. People who stay here a long time are not targets for muggings because they're known, which means they know people so they'd probably know who was stealing their stuff. In my opinion, the guy was probably out of control, said or saw something he shouldn't have and paid the price.

In the end, it's very sad that this happened, especially for the man's family back in Sweden. It's made all of us think twice about living in Lakeside. Maybe it's not as safe as we once thought it was.

I called my son right after school today, my typical mom check-in call to make sure he was ok and on his way home.  He told me he stayed late to get some help with his math. Before I got off the phone, he said, "Mom, remember that guy we saw yesterday in front of the McDonalds?" I said yes. He said, "well, he died yesterday, they say killed himself."

My heart dropped. I felt a sharp pain shoot through my body. This is the teenage boy we saw yesterday walking in front of our car. This was someone who was once someone's beautiful new baby boy, full of promise and hope. He was a son, brother, cousin, grandson, friend and student. I cannot imagine the pain of those around him, and the pain he must have been feeling to end up this way. This is so sad and so senseless. Now I can see that my son is in pain. He says he is sad, but mostly mad at the boy for doing such a stupid thing.

I will keep him as well as his loved ones in my thoughts and prayers, and I will consider this a reminder of how precious life is.

Tonight I will hold my son a little closer, and make sure to let him know how much he is loved.