I thought I could fly. In my mind, I could sense the effect of flight. With my arms spread wide and my chest held high, I gaze below ready to ride the winds. People watch on in a bloody look of immense excitement and think “insanity”. Could this be true? Maybe I can’t fly. Possibly my imagination is getting the best of me. But I actually cherish my air of flying. I always reasoned that the mind could conquer all. Could there be exceptions? Am I mentally disrupted or just simply mistaken? I shall no longer bother with this. Jump! Just jump!

This was written in my morbid days for my 9th grade English class as the climax to a story. When I go back and read it now, it seems more like an appeal to step out to pursue your dreams and conquer your doubts. Jump! Just jump!

I close my eyes
Hoping it will help
I don't want to lose it
I struggle to recall the dream
There is meaning in the visions
Of my subconscious

The smells of the city
Permeate the walls of my apartment
The sounds of the city
Call from outside my window
The romance of the city
Fills my mind and my heart

A feeling of peace overcomes me
I open my eyes to bring myself to reality
Sadness engulfs me
I need to break free from the emotion that is tied to this dream
Regret permeates my every pore
I can't let what is left of this dream control my waking moments

I feel empty
I feel alone
I feel lost
I feel regret
I am breathless
I am crying

I take a deep breath and get out of bed
Starting my day
Struggling to push the memory
...the emotion
From my head
It was just a dream

The day passes
Night begins to fall
I think about the dream again
The emotions return
There is a knot in the pit of my stomach
And suddenly it becomes clear

There is a piece of me
That was left behind
And a piece of her
That will stay with me
Forever
I will never let go

© dsw 2008

Anyways, at the middle part of it, I saw the 소녀시대 (SNSD) girls sitting in one of the rows of the chairs. And at the end was my cousin, Kou. Apparently she was also a part of SNSD. Weird, I know, but she is an attractive girl to begin with, so I guess that was the connection. She said a few things to me.

It seems I fall into a cycle.  I work towards my goals, and as time goes by my strength is slowly sapped.  My predisposition for procrastination (say that five times fast) eats away at my resolve, until I reach an "equilibrium".  At this stage in my life, that equilibrium is at a very slothful state.  My mind may be highly active at these times, but it is most certainly not well fed.  I'll stay at this equilibrium for quite some time.  In fact, I will stay in this state until stumble upon some sort of profound or moving experience.  Only these sorts of things seem to shoot me right back up where I was before.

The question, then, is how to stay in such a high state; how to "raise the bar" and change my personal definition of equilibrium.  A lot of that involves habit, which I've written about in the not-too-distant past.  The issue however is not just breaking bad habits, but creating new ones.  Clearly, I must constantly uplift and enrich both my mind and my spirit.

This is an active state, a "sharpening of the saw" that is very different from what we usually think of as a break from our labors.  Rather than just destress, I need to be building myself up and preparing for the next metaphorical battle.

Building upon talents and reading good books are just a few of the many ways I can change my definition of equilibrium.  When it is changed, it will become easy to be driven, motivated, hard-working, and happy with my life.  I need to redefine my "comfort zone".

How might anyone go about doing this?  Well, a good place to start is actually the season finale of Avatar.  I've never really watched the series that closely, but it ends in a very profound and beautiful way.  While I would recommend at least watching a handful of other episodes to understand what the heck is going on, that's a good place to start.  It worked for me at least.  Now that I'm motivated, I must act to change my habits and my status quo.  I won't bother with any recommendations here, there are plenty of sites and books that can tell you how to break habits and others that can show you how to set and achieve goals.

We humans have incredible potential.  We have the power to reshape the world and eveything in it.  We have the power to master the physical and overcome the instinct.  We have no glass ceiling, our possible achievements grow exponentially.  It's incredible, when you think about it.  And it all can start with one small action, or one realization.  The gates of the fortress are not moved by incredible strength, but by the smallest movement of a lever.

So now, even with this realization, I take one step closer to achieving my dreams.  A small one?  Perhaps.  Only time will tell how successful I am this first time around, but at least I have a plan now.  I have tangible progress markers.  I have a roadmap to making a difference.  I hope I'm not getting repetitive just yet ;)

In the morning the sun catches shadows under his chin, brushes his eyelids with peace. He sleeps so soundly when the warmth cascades over his face.

Sometimes the depth of his voice reaches inside of me and I gasp, grip his hand tightly, wrap my fingers within his to avoid drowning in a dream.

When he plays the guitar at night I drift into a pool of silk, his hands glide close to my fabric and gently reach profundity, the craven child weeps because my surrender is complete.

A smile sits poised on the pale of my lips, freed by the jade Vesper in the center of his eye, so close to mine.

Full report on the Batman coming later tonight or tomorrow. I still love Christian Bale. As an actor, that is. I have to go exercise now.

And here is Ratsters' photo page.

In the olden days, back when I worked 9-5 and my life was governed by a strict routine that bored me to tears (or at least to drink), I'd be reading about some really cool event or another that was happening in a different country, and think to myself I wish I could go there... maybe one day.

Ladies and gentlemen, One Day has arrived, and I'm pleased to say it's here to stay for as long as I can wing it. Why, oh why did I stay in one place doing nothing for so long? Wishing, dreaming, longing. It's like something has clicked in my head and I realise, for the first time, that I can go wherever I want. The old mantra of I just don't have the money doesn't ring true for me any more. If anything, I'm considerably less well off, financially, than when I was doing the 9-5 thing. It doesn't matter. If I really want to go somewhere, there will be a way - even if that means reviewing several hundred YouTube videos and taking on so many freelance writing jobs that my eyes start to sting from looking at the screen.

I was reading Petite Anglaise the other day - a blog I've followed with great interest and enjoyment since my blogbirth - and noted that Petite (AKA Catherine Sanderson, but it really freaks me out to find out that bloggers have real names) is doing a reading from her book at the end of the month. In a really cool old bookshop. In Paris. Ah, said Old Me, wistfully, I'd *love* to go to that! Petite Anglaise! Book reading! Cool old bookshop! *Paris*, for crying out loud!

New Me nudged Old Me quite sharply in her metaphorical ribs. Uh... hello? What's stopping you?

I paused, surprised. Nothing, actually, I was forced to admit. A bit of research later, and it seems that I'm going to see one of my favourite bloggers doing a reading from her book, in a really cool old bookshop, in Paris. It works out extremely well: I just leave Lyon a couple of days earlier than planned, get a cheap train to a city that I've always, always wanted to visit, spend some time on couchsurfing.com to find some free accommodation, meet Petite, stay for a few nights, get in a spot of sight-seeing, and then hop on a ludicrously cheap bus to Belgium to start my month-long housesitting stint in a pretty house in the countryside, doing my writing work whilst sitting by the garden pool.

I wonder how long I can get away with this? It feels like I'm cheating Real Life, somehow...

So my dream was about visiting someone. I see his house as he greeted me at the front door. There were other people around me but I do not know who they are. All of us went inside and the house seemed to be alive, almost morphing with each thought. I felt the house was metallic and moved. The inside was dimly lit as we walked down this corridor.

From behind me, I had not idea what was happening but the homeowner proceeded to pull out a squiggly, fat worm from inside my head. (I believe this worm like appendage represented my ongoing headache, which I've been experiencing lately but ‘treated' with low dosage aspirin at 80mg. He made all sorts of yanking sounds as I felt something come out and I thought maybe I should boost whoever or whatever is doing that to me. I saw some nice concentric circles in my mind's eye from this dream and then dreamt some more.

I was in the bedroom and saw his lying down. In the corner to my right field of vision I saw a flowing white object, almost like a very large kimono, only it looks very wispy and as tall as eight feet in height. I was told to leave and found myself inside the bathroom located to the left and adjacent to the bedroom. Here I was brushing my teeth over this tall, column-shaped basin located to far left hand side of the wall. The bathroom had a warm, honey-beige hue to the inside. There were many stalls of toilet. I believe the doors were closed.

As I turned around to look at what seemed to be approaching, I sense something luminous flying around at eyelevel but couldn't see past the stalls. I imagined it was peering through one of the opening between the stall behind and the wall attached to it. I waved at it, thinking it saw me but I wasn't sure.

Copyright © 2008 by Fluffy von der Flynn. All rights reserved.

July already... more than half way through the year. 

«  What have you wished for this year?

«  How close are you to achieving your dreams?

Instead of beating yourself up for not getting everything done that you think you ‘should’ have done,

I invite you to make a list of what you have....

«  recently accomplished,

«  chosen to do or be,

«  enjoyed,

«  gotten through,

«  moved forward on,

«  lifted the spirits of another,

«  AND be sure to include everything that involved playing, moodling, doodling and pondering.

If you are stumped on finding anything you consider worthy of ‘The List’, pretend that you are a good friend of yours.  What would you tell your friend to put on the list?

And then, I invite you to find a way to celebrate those items on the list. 

We generally haven’t been taught to celebrate ourselves... yet celebrating is one of the most empowering coaching and self-coaching techniques.  When you take a moment to really notice the grandness of you - your perspective shifts, your energy shifts, your ‘self sabotaging’ self talk lessens, and you create space in your thoughts for enthusiasm, confidence, and new ideas.

Coaching clients are often stumped when I ask them for the first time,

“How will you celebrate that?”

It doesn’t take long, though, before the celebrations become an integral part of their lives.  The results are simply too effective to ignore.  Celebrations can be as simple as lighting a special candle for oneself, to going for a hike you’ve been ‘meaning’ to get to,  or getting your toenails painted (this is especially fun for the guys.), treating yourself to a movie with buttered popcorn,  or taking a weekend holiday.

One client who always created goodie bags for events,  had a joyous time shopping for a goodie bag of inexpensive treats for herself. 

As you read this, are you feeling completely stumped? Do you have no idea of what you would celebrate or how you would celebrate?  In fact, do you think maybe you’ll just ignore this and skip through to the end to see how ‘she signs this one off’? 

Aw, come on, get a piece of paper and spend five minutes acknowledging you.  And pretend you have no choice but to come up with a celebration.

You’re worth it.  Notice how the ‘not so necessary’ thoughts diminish when you celebrate you.   This simple step  (albeit not always ‘easy’ at first)  nurtures the energy you need to find the ways for your wishes and goals to become a reality. . .  You know, those ones we hoped for 2008, but haven’t quite been able to get to yet. 

The following zen mantra has been easing me into befriending The Great Unknown a little bit more - Being in the classroom is the same as being out of the class room...

Chasing that rainbow can really take a toll on your health, maybe even your mental stability. Someone may take you for a psych ward escapee, complete with wild eyes, Einstein hair, and that long forgotten “I can do anything attitude.” Or worse, even The Joker. If this whacked out cartoon got what he wanted, why can’t we?

What sort of secrets are Tigger and Bugs harbouring? Bugs Bunny outsmarts the pessimistic Elmer Fudd every episode, and Tigger took over Hundred Acre Wood with his bouncy personality, optimism, and friendly nature. It’s not hard with grumpy old rabbit, or mopey Eeyore complaining about one thing or another. Batman triumphed over Poison Ivy’s lethal plants, Doctor Freeze’s nitrogen gun, and continues to mentally and physically defend the fate of Gotham City.

Although, it always seemed that when one of these character’s egos got in the way, they lost sight of their goal and had to pull a mini de-tour. Peter Parker said it best, “with great power comes great responsibility.” A lot of these great cartoon icons share important characteristics in one way or another. They’re truthful, earnest, persevering, conscientious of those around them, morally apt, and can kick some serious villain ass.

Meet Randy Pausch, modern day superhero. No he didn’t battle The Green Goblin, outsmart Fudd, or has the power and money to mastermind the Bat Mobile, he is a regular guy battling one of today’s villains: cancer. He has his own wall climbing ability, even without Spiderman’s web shooting skills, it’s called preparation, perseverance, and learning how to play the cards he was dealt. This is the guy who masterminded one hell of a final lecture, orbiting around achieving your childhood dreams, lessons learned, and how to enable the dreams of those around you. If there is any reality super power it has to be knowledge. He offers an assortment of advice, ranging from

Don’t bail - the best of the gold is at the bottom of barrels of crap. Be prepared, luck is where preparation meets opportunity. If you lead your life the right way karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you.

Take it from a guy who achieved all of his childhood dreams, and is by far one of the most optimistic cancer patients the world has seen, plus he’s been a guest on Oprah, and has his own book out. Maybe this guy was dealt a pair of twos in Texas Hold ‘Em, but he definitely made it down the Yellow Brick Road and found that pot of gold at the end, even with all odds against him. We could learn a thing or two about from a man whose fate is already decided, especially since we have nothing holding us back.

Check out "The Last Lecture: Really Achieving your childhood dreams."

-Pearl Tymchuk

05.05.08

The untapped potential of society is held back by people seeing problems and dreaming things could be better, but not doing anything about it.

After all, the "chemical formula" of joy or happiness is fulfilling your desire.

Everyone is struggling to attain happiness and avoid misfortune. From the commonplace affairs of individuals to the great events that shape the course of history, each is at root an expression of the human aspiration for ever greater happiness. How, then, does happiness arise?

People feel joy when their desires are fulfilled. The word "desire," however, is often not understood in its original sense, because in the present circumstances our desires tend to pursue evil rather than good. Desires which result in injustice do not emanate from a person's original mind. The original mind is well aware that such desires lead to misfortune. Therefore, it repels evil desires and strives to follow the good. Even at the cost of their lives, people seek for the joy that can enrapture the original mind. This is the human condition: we grope along exhausting paths to cast off the shadow of death and search for the light of life.

- Ryan Dixon

I now have a few days without work to sit in Vegas and relax. I miss my girlfriend Teresa very much, but I thank her as well for her constant support on this trip. It was tough origionally being in Vegas wishing she could be here with me, but she kept me strong though it all. This was definitely a big step for me and an amazing opportunity to grow as a person and I believed that I accomplished that.

What I learned most of all is that there is a world of opportunities out there waiting for you to reach out and grab them. As corny as that may sound, it's extremely true as I'm finding. I've seen how my Uncle, Billy and Danny have found success each through their own unique paths and I've gone through phases where I've said, "well, all I need to do is do what they did and I should be alright." However what I'm finding is as much as I respect and admire what they have done, those are their accomplishments. I'm here to make my own and take my own path, wherever it may lead. I know that if I stay true to myself, I can reach the wildest dreams.

I know this, because I've been doing it all my life. The minute you set your goals and take opportunities that come before you is the minute you start the path towards whatever it is you aspire to reach. I've done this with things as simple as attaining the car of my childhood dreams, a Ford Mustang, to meeting the woman of my dreams and my future wife, Teresa. It's as simple as not letting yourself get caught up in the details of how you're going to do something and just doing it. I firmly believe it's the why that is much more important than the how. Your drive leads to your means of success.

I'm very fortunate at the youthful age of 21 to have such a solid grasp on these concepts. I've always been several years wiser than my age would indicate though. I tend to see the big picture in life, and for that I'm greatful as it allows me to see the world from a very important perspective. For that I have to thank my parents for instilling in me their love and giving me the life lessons that allowed me to understand things the way I do. I hope to say that I have my mother's integrity and my father's passion and I plan on using those attributes in symphony as I continue living the life that I love.

Feeling especially thankful today for everyone and everything that I have and will have, you have my gratitude.

"There goes the Patni bus, Infy bus... Cogni bus!!! Oh, I had a ride in the Xansa bus today!

How lucky man are those guys!! Icard, Company bus, Fat pay packages! What a life!"

Quite contrast to what I was wondering today...

For some reason I had to travel from one office of ours to other, today, by the company bus. I felt like i was being "Transported" as like a prisoner from one prison to other. And the Icard around my neck? Felt like I was wearing a Dog Tag!

Why and how did my views, life changed so much in these two years?

Circumstances???

Rise up to the circumstances man!!

Anyways, yeah, circumstances, perspective,....Its funny how perspective changes everything. Deja Vu? Yes actually. Been there done that. Thats when you know what it is. It sure does look goody goody and rosy rosy from outside. Or is it like the grass always looks greener on the other side? Ambivalent! :D

So, back to SQUARE ONE? Hmmmm... yup. But wiser now. Experience is the best tutor.

Darkness on the edge
Shadows where I stand
I search for the time
On a watch with no hands
I want to see you clearly
Come closer than this
But all I remember
Are the dreams in the mist

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

Is it cloak n dagger
Could it be spring or fall
I walk without a cut
Through a stained glass wall
Weaker in my eyesight
The candle in my grip
And words that have no form
Are falling from my lips

There's something out there
I can't resist
I need to hide away from the pain
There's something out there
I can't resist

The sweetest song is silence
That I've ever heard
Funny how your feet
In dreams never touch the earth
In a wood full of princes
Freedom is a kiss
But the prince hides his face
From dreams in the mist

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

Heart - These Dreams
Back to nineties when I had these dreams

Apparently Crashed-on-her-Butt has % d #peoiupdq-81A987 something to say about celebrating:    

 (I know this because she’s dancing on the keys.)

Crashed-on-her-Butt is a most astounding faerie. *

One day, a rather smashed (but not in the drunk way) faerie showed up on a pot.  Later, when the novel began, I learned much more about this unusual faerie – who actually worried about if anyone would like her (having broken her wing and smashed her face and all).  That’s so unlike the other faeries I’ve gotten to know who really have no sense of that kind of worry.

As it turned out, though, Crashed’s wish was to better understand people.  Sometimes we are such a mystery to them.. they wonder why our people world is so harsh.  Squealing train brakes, catching our fingers in doors, worrying about this, stressing over that, going to a job every day and wishing we weren’t.. those sorts of things.

Since wishes do come true, Crash found herself in the people world.  But not in the usual faerie way.  She happened to arrive in a ‘denser’ form.. crashing smack dab in the middle of the pottery table.  Her butt hurt.  It took her three days to figure out how to lift her now heavy little body up off the table... all the while the other faeries were cheering her miraculous accomplishment of ‘nearly being people-like’.  When she did stand up and try to fly to the pottery wheel.. well, it was good fortune that she landed on the dog, who gave her a ride to where she wanted to be. Crashed was not very happy about all this.

{“Crashed, your story is 25 pages long in the book... too long for a newsletter,” I whisper to her as we type this.

 “Okay, okay” she flitters back, “I just want to say something not in the book.” 

“You sure you don’t just want to leave this for the novel?” I ask hopefully. 

And I receive something somewhat like a scowl in return.

 “That’s unfaerie-like” I think to myself.. not that she can’t hear my thoughts anyway. “Okay, what do you want to say?” I ask}

“CELEBRATING!!  It  was all of the other faeries celebrating me, and encouraging me to celebrate, that reminded me that my sore butt was really worth celebrating. I had arrived where few faeries ever get to be!  That sore butt was a sure sign. When I remembered that, (because I also discovered that it’s harder to remember things in the people world!) I celebrated my arrival... and my butt wasn’t even sore anymore!”

(“Good point, Crashed” I tell her.

“Thanks,” she answers and then continues qp95[[a erar  to dance on the keys.aera8a;eia;’’a )

In noaptea asta imi lipsesti ... as sta iarasi cu tine in patul nostru cu asternuturi albe. Sa ascultam Suie si sa bem ce beam noi mereu in nopti ca asta. Sa radem .. da, am rade ca nebunii de ideile filosofice nascute la ore mici dupa un pahar din "cocktailul" nostru.. Bautura aia n`are acelasi gust fara tine.. Ti`as impartasi viziunea mea idealista asupra vietii si realistul din tine m`ar privi zambind .. si poate mi`ai spune iarasi bancul ala cu cana de apa de pe patul de moarte :)

Cat de departe par toate ...