Doug Stanhope er en af de kræftigste modstandere af religion på standup scenen, og han kommer til Danmark den 5. november 2008.

1) People over the age of 70 are fucking miserable (FACT)*
2) Current medical research efforts are increasing your chances of living beyond 70 (FACT)
3) Therefore, Current medical research is conduit a of misery
4) Misery is widely considered to be a negative trait in our current society (FACT)
5) Things that create negative traits should be avoided (FACT)
6) Therefore, Current medical research should be avoided

#

Now that this is undeniably proven you may wonder what I would suggest we use our research on. Well that answer is simple: Anything to make you enjoy your 69.999 yrs on this earth as much as possible and secondly humane/hilarious methods of killing yourself at 11:59 on the eve before your 70th birthday.

A few suggestions for enjoying life more…new much crazier drugs, more of those adult go-karts at a more affordable price, new sexual orifices for chicks (stolen from Stanhope), Ice Cream nachos (stolen from Lawson).

I think I may actually sorta belief this shit; have I finally lost my mind?

* You could also do the same proof with: People over the age of 70 are huge fucking drains on our economy and standard of living. A play on the old Eskimo trick of just kicking the old people out of the village when they started getting annoying.

So, cut to a few years later, and I recall seeing Stanhope on television - of course, why wouldn't he be - he is funny and he works and tours hard, it seems. More recently, he has a Showtime special: Doug Stanhope: No Refunds. Not sure where it's taped, don't really care. I recommend watching it for several reasons - some funny bits, and a good example of the personality selling the jokes in some cases. Stanhope is one of the grumpy, know-it-all comics that tell you things suck, etc. - there's a market for that (believe me, it's a purposeful style: some comics do impressions, some do PG observations, and some are the angry comic; but he does it better than anyone, I suspect. I never buy that David Cross or Patton Oswalt are really angry or upset about the world/America/people/current President/whatever. And I've mentioned it before, but any comedian who bitches for an hour in their act can come across as a little ridiculous - you're a comedian, dude! Chances are you are living a crazy (possibly profitable, God forbid) life doing what you're doing - you're not stuck in an office staring at spreadsheets, or adjusting your drive-thru headset every five minutes. So, I'm always a little suspicious of the 'angry comic' - especially those who have broken through to the level that Stanhope has.  Can you really be that angry all the time? Chillax, all you mad comics. But, I give him full credit for having a great presentation style and material.  If there's a comic who can joke about anything, it's probably him. Check out a bit from the No Refunds show (note: adult language alert or caution or announcement in this video).

Oh, btw, and Stanhope smokes and drinks and so will probably be dead before too long. So, if you can see him in person, do it! Then later you can say "I saw that dude when he was alive, man" and where the tribute t-shirt with pride, knowing you were in the same room. If you don't, you can still wear the tribute shirt, but it won't be the same.  Now, if he stopped smoking, he might have good cause to be angry! But, to each his own.

http://dougstanhope.com/blog/

Besides that I dont really have much else to say. I think people are going to start writing again on here sometime soon so don't give up quite yet.

Doug Stanhope is a comedian that some may recognize for his stint on The Man Show with Joe Rogan for a year.  Also some may recognize him for doing a few Girls Gone Wild videos.  It is somewhat ironic that this is how he has got most of his exposure and he refers to these two projects as being absolute shit.

He is a comedian that many critics have referred to as being similiar to the late Bill Hicks.  I find that while Hicks was almost philosophical at certain points, Stanhope has stated in interviews that he is just a comic and that no one should take him to seriously.   However Stanhope was planning on running as a presidential candidate for the USA election in 2008 as a Libertarian Candidate but had to pull out because of legal reasons (such as candidates are not allowed to paid while campaigning and his standup comedy shows could be considered as a method of campaigning). 

In case you are interested, here's a set of his taped for XM radio in 2006.  Be aware that this is NSFW and some people may find it offensive: Doug Stanhope - Live at Wise Acres (2006) (Rapidshare link)

Opens in M’s living room. The gang, all present but Wingy, contemplates its upcoming foray to the Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show, held at the Vancouver Convention Centre Jan. 10-13.

M: I’m really looking forward to this. Yeah, baby! Sex show!

Shawnster: Who’s driving?

Allen: Maybe I’ll look for a rubber fist. You know that Doug Stanhope routine about the rubber fist? If you’ve already got two up there, what do you need a third one for? “I feel a gap”?

M: Maybe it’s for pirates. 

Shawnster: Sex toys for pirates! Can I use that?

Allen: What’s the line?

Shawnster: About the rubber fist being a sex toy for pirates.

Allen: I don’t get it.

Shawnster: You know, pirates. Captain Hook? A hook for a hand?

Allen: You’ll have to make that clear in the joke.

M: C’mon, you guys, let’s go. Maybe I’ll get me a new vibe.

Shawnster: What about parking?

Cut to: the gang at the sex trade show. Busy, busy, busy. Scantily clad girls-- one of whom wears pasties and is  on stilts—as well as, bikers, punks, and suburban-looking couples roam the  aisles of  booths offering sex aids, party favours, porn offerings, clay body castings, bondage demonstrations and equipment, nude photography services—everything sex-related, and some (hot sauce, protein supplements) not. Shawnster, M, and Allen are at a booth selling vibes, lubes, standard sex toys. M holds a large, futuristic-looking vibe, which has  all sorts of bells, whistles, a remote control, everything but electrodes and stirrups).

M (bored, hanging the item back in its place): Sheesh. I was hoping for something new and exciting.

Shawnster (holding a two-pronged prostate massager): Really? I mean, yeah, I know what you mean. (Reluctantly hangs the prostate massager back on the wall.)

Allen (holding a pair of handcuffs): Hey you guys, what’s going to happen when I have to date again?

Shawnster and M. look at each other. 

M. Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be fun.

Shawnster: Yeah, it’s great. I’m having the time of my life. (Nods at the cuffs.) Make sure you have a pair of those on hand. Cuts back on commitment issues.

Cut to: A stage. On it are two topless models, one female and one male. Two bristly-haired jocks are licking the chocolate off the fake breasts of the girl, and two girls are doing the same off the pecs of the guy, who wears a fireman’s helmet. An MC, a TV-pretty dark-haired woman, encourages the participants. A modest audience whoops and hollers its support.

Shawnster: Why is it a fireman’s helmet is automatically supposed to be sexy? (To M) You don’t find it sexy, do you? (Her eyes are glued to the fake fireman’s torso.) Do you?

Wingy (arrives on the scene in time to see the licking): Hey guys, what’s up? (looks up at the stage, sees the girl being licked clean). Hey, I know her. She bought an ad from me once.

(Audience cheers as the two jocks back away, revealing the big fake boobs licked clean.)

Allen: They’re doing amazing things with saline and chocolate these days.

M: This is totally lame. Let’s go check out the anal sex seminar.

MC: Now we’re going to pour chocolate on their asses! Can I have some volunteers, please?

Cut to: “the dungeon.” This is a separate, enclosed space at the show where demonstrations of various bondage and S&M acts and equipment take place. Sounds of whips snapping and male  screams in the background.

M: Well a lot more Vancouverites than I would have thought are interested in anal sex. Although I don’t know why they’d need a seminar on it. It’s pretty simple, really. (spies a guy in a black leather harness behind one of the Dungeon counters. He’s handing out flyers for upcoming fetish nights.) Oh my God, I went to kindergarten with that guy.

Shawnster: You never know whom you’re going to see at a sex trade show. I just saw a former neighbour. She makes leather corsets now.

Wingy: We really haven’t done very much here. I’m not really in the mood. Those girls who popped their breasts out at us weren’t even attractive.

Allen: Who? Where?

M: Let’s go guys. I’m even more depressed now than before I came here.

Shawnster: Yeah, it’s kind of a rip-off. Twenty bucks to get in so you can spend more money?

M: It’s enough to put you off sex.

Wingy: Yeah. Don’t forget to get a stamp on the way out so we can get back in later.

there's something about angry,  throaty comedians...

"i don't think they can produce fear fast enough for the way people want to buy it. that fear is more comfortable for you to live with than the actuality that you are probably going to live your whole life without anything memorable happening at all. statistically that's probably what's going to happen -nothing of significance. way easier to buy into fear."

watch part 1 and 3 too, obv.

Kyle Cease -

Nick Swardson -

Doug Stanhope -

Mitch Fatel -

Jim Breuer -

I'd steeled myself for another Robbie Fulks/Chow Nasty/Sunburned Hand of the Man/"insert-band-name-here" wafer-thin crowd and was shocked to see a fairly full room (150-175 people) when I arrived at the VT in time to witness the wacky, "cock"-filled exuberance of The Mattoid, who take a refreshingly un-serious approach to making a joyful noise (see exhibit B below).

If that picture doesn't sell it, this winning Mattoid lyric might: "Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time." (Please, go to the Myspace page and listen to the song. It will all make sense.) The solid epicenter of The Mattoid is Ville Kiviniemi, who's rockin' a badass samurai triple (quadruple?) ponytail these days, and he's played with a mile-long list of Nashville's indielluminati (Lambchop's William Tyler, multitalented producer Loney John Hutchins, etc.). He (along with drummer/singer Vanessa Scholle) was quite adept at engendering the aforementioned "party time" prior to Doug Stanhope's stream-of-consciousness, slacker stand-up.

If you live here, you know about the fabled 5:1 girl-to-guy ratio in Chucktown. If you don't live here, don't worry: it's not totally true. The real ratio is probably 55% to 45%. But that's only relevant because the Doug Stanhope show was a freakin' sausage party! I haven't seen so many dudes and so few girls in a room together in Charleston since...well, ever. Maybe the fact that Stanhope used to be on The Man Show (in its last-gasp, Corolla- and Kimmel-free 2003 season) was part of it, or that he's got a wee bit of a misogynist streak. But give me a comedian without an "-ist" streak and I'll give you a nap.

Stanhope recently shaved the top middle part of his head, because, he explained, he's planning to grow it out into a hillbilly mullet on the sides until it's long enough to comb over ("I'm going to create the hairstyle that men spend thousands of dollars to avoid"), and his shabbiness only lent cred to his ribald stories and decidedly nonlinear narrative joke-telling. The Mt. Pleasant show was their first of the tour and Stanhope didn't try to hide that he was still working out the kinks, telling the enthusiastic crowd that we were getting all the jokes before they were actually funny.

As people deposited shots on the stage for Stanhope, the fourth wall came down further and further until he had to take a smoke break outside and The Mattoid came back on. When Stanhope returned to the stage after The Mattoid's hilarious, punky Eurotrash version of Lionel Richie's "Hello", he had a handful of yellow legal-pad paper in one hand and a beer in the other and picked through his notes for bits ("Did I do the dominatrix healthcare bit already?" He hadn't.). He closed with a ripping good dirty sex joke and the crowd gave him a nice long standing O — which he deserved, unrehearsed bits or not. Hell, if he's that hilarious without polish, why not let the scuffs show?

The music-comedy-music-comedy thing worked brilliantly — whether it was the pairing of The Mattoid and Doug Stanhope or just the natural order of things, I'm not sure. But I hope that Tuesday night's success translates into the VT booking more comedians (preferably with awesome bands to sweeten the deal).

~sm

(Non-Charlestonians: Find out if Stanhope and The Mattoid are coming to cock — uh, rock your city here.)

From his website:

Indeed we do.

Still, I am seriously fucking wrecked over this. The idea of Stanhope, a man who is brutally honest and as raw as a gaping wound, seriously entertaining a run for president was sheer beautiful lunacy.

It carried the promise of an entire YEAR of guaranteed hilarity and hijinks and it would have given the Libertarian party a bit of much-needed celebrity pizzazz.

Just think of the might-have-beens...

Ah well, onward and upward, fellow disaffected citizens! And one last one for the road on this sad day in America:

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Stanhope in '08 Has Quit in '07!

May 1st, 2007

Stanhope in '08 has Quit in '07!

We're done, at least so far as being a candidate.

For all of our false optimism, forced enthusiasm and the tireless effort of a small team of close friends, we couldn't get past the wall of bureaucracy.

The Federal Election Commision proved insurmountable in their spiderweb of legal fingerfucking. The idea that I could run an effective campaign rested on the fact that I tour constantly for a living and have a built-in audience & media wherever I go. FEC rules would not allow for me to campaign at paid gigs while also retaining a personal income from those shows.

If I can't recruit from my shows, I'm about as effective as standing on a milk crate in the city park.

Even our crafty attempts at creating our own loopholes in the laws - like jailhouse attorneys trying to invent and employ makeshift last-minute defenses - still came up short in the face of the Federal Election Commision.

The system is set up to keep the two-party monopoly as free from competition as possible. The penalties for fucking up with FEC rules make IRS penalties look like fetish spankings and I fuck up quite a bit.

The other problem was simply in making the whole thing fun. The more rules, paperwork and bullshit we'd run into the less creative and funny it was becoming. The process started to feel like when we had to "clean it up" for the Man Show - and we all know how well that worked out.

Our intention in this campaign was to try to get media attention for the Libertarian Party and we have no intention of giving up that campaign. It's frustrating to see this country bordering on totalitarianism and having viable options like the Libertarians completely blacked out.

We'll still put our efforts into getting the LP into the mainstream and\ eventually get behind a candidate. But it was better to bail now before announcing as opposed to plowing through with our pants half down only to fall apart later, looking like complete shitheads at the expense of the Party.

The amount of high-level people that went out of their way to support us was amazing. On the day that we have our shit together - more organized and better prepared to deal with the powers that be - we may just take another stab at it.

So jump on board, join the Libertarian Party (www.lp.org) and stay involved. We still plan on making some noise this year and turning the Libertarian National Convention in Denver next May into the Animal House of the Next Revolution.

Be sure to get on our mailing list so you can get involved in the trouble we'll be causing.

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For those of you with Stanhope in 08 t-shirts, I promise I will try to die in some horrible fashion that makes them vaulable some day.

The one I feel the most responsibility to is the chick who I don't even know, who tattooed Stanhope in 08 on her shoulder.

We'll fly you down to our tattoo guy in Tampa and pay to have it redone when we play there in November. Maybe we can make it say "Sanjaya in '08". Or maybe I'll run for a local water commisioner post in '08 and you'll look like you're extremely over-zealous about low-level local politics.

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Many people have said that it doesn't matter who you vote for, that the whole game is rigged. That's why our next project will be to start our own Illuminati, Skull & Bones and New World Order that will secretly control the current New World Order without them even knowing.

Our secret society will be so secret that many of it's member will not even know they are members. America has laws against monopolies and there is no reason that there cannot be free market competition when it comes to covert, world-ruling cabals and all-powerful, mystical fraternities.

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My deepest thanks to all who went out of your way for this truncated attempt at giving the whole system the finger. We still intend to say "Fuck You" loudly and repeatedly. We'll just have to find more unique, exciting and unregulated ways to do it.

No matter who is elected to what man-made office or put on whatever throne, you are still the leader of your own free world.

Stick around.

stanhope

Hat Tip/A. Keaton

Update: The Washington Times picked up the Stanhope story.

Stand-up comedian and Libertarian Party presidential candidate Doug Stanhope is dropping out of the presidential race. Most of you are probably asking yourself, "Who is Doug Stanhope and why should I care?"

Stanhope says he is withdrawing from the race because of Federal Elections Commission rules that prevent him from discussing his political views while simultaneously earning an income from his comedic performances.

In an e-mail to supporters, Stanhope writes: "For all of our false optimism, forced enthusiasm and the tireless effort of a small team of close friends, we couldn't get past the wall of bureaucracy."...

...I'd print more of the letter, but most of it isn't fit for a family newspaper (or Web site, as the case may be).

Stanhope is scheduled to appear on the Howard Stern Show tomorrow to announce his withdrawal from the race.

Stanhope, whose MySpace page says he was running on a platform of, "Revolution, prison reform, conspiracy theories and beating incredible odds," promises to back the eventual Libertarian Party nominee.

Hat Tip/ S. Gordon

Angela Keaton once called me the "the sexy large breasted conspiracy chick” of Hammer of Truth, so I would not be honest to my foil hat buddies if I didn't point out that Stanhope's most recent appearance on National News is timed to fuck his announcement as a contender for the Libertarian Party nomination for prez.

Yes, Stanhope hosted a GGW episode; I am sure he was paid well. The latest news footage seems to suggest that he is the owner of GGW and a criminal. The timing of Joe Francis's legal woes coupled with Stanhope's image is way too convenient, if you know what I mean.

Foil hat off-but damn, I finally got the Prada foil knock-off right enough for EBay.

Aside from my silly fantasies of 'shroom love and trampoline bouncing, I think Stanhope has a little something. Please enjoy Stanhope's "freedom rant" courtesy of You Tube.

I wondered at first if he would be able to get serious enough to really do this, but he answered our questions at Hammer of Truth (before HoT's vacay from BlogWorld) in what I found to be a thoughtful manner.

The candidates seeking the LP nomination are proving to be an interesting lot and I have the feeling that the LP national convention is going to be lively.