A week or so ago I decided to leave him out while I went to Walgreen's.  And by leave him out, I mean let him run around the apartment vs. being locked in his crate.  Trivia:  Crating a dog means that he will be less likely to pee/poo because he is in such a confined space.  Dogs will try to do their best not to soil their sleeping quarters.  Sorry-didn't mean to get all Cesar on you.  It was a quick trip so I figured he'd behave himself for the whopping 15 minutes of non supervision.  Although I was a little worried that he might do his business all over my apartment.  He hadn't had an accident in a long time, but you never know.  When I returned from Walgreen's I was pleasantly surprised to find that he had in fact been a good boy.  Great.

A few days later I decided to leave him out while I went across the street to the YMCA.  I would be gone for about an hour, much longer than my quick trip to Walgreen's, but I had faith in him.  I figured he'd probably just chew on his toys or chase the cat or whatever. 

Nope...

He decided to ingest 1/6 of a soccer ball.

My thoughts lately have been sparked by reformed doctrine opinions regarding natural disasters. These opinions adhere to the premise that natural disasters are God's way of punishing and bringing judgment on people. I located some podcasts recorded in the weeks just after hurricane Katrina that expressed this opinion, declaring that Katrina was directly associated with God’s judgment on the people of New Orleans.

Accused of being one of the most sinful cities in the world by a leading expert in reformed doctrine, he went on to describe how New Orleans was host to some of the most egregious acts of sexual immorality, gambling, and crime. Based on these observations the only conclusion he could come to was that God must bring judgment against the city; in the form of Katrina. The call was for society to clean up its act, get right with God, and obey His commands. As a society we are enslaved to sin and God is justified in mass destruction.

What? What happened to our savior? What happened to the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross? I have a terribly hard time trying to reconcile this speaker’s comments against all that we know of God. God is all powerful and certainly if he can bring such destruction, then can he not influence on a much more specific basis? Is He not concerned and longing for each one of us to seek Him? How many righteous and God honoring Christians lost their lives?

What is foremost in the eyes of God? He greatly wants each of use to turn out hearts and attention to Him. God wants a personal and close relationship with each person, so much so that He sent His only Son to forgive us of our sins. Why would he make such a precious sacrifice only to destroy those He forgave?

Is the message being spoken by this Christian expert that there is no hope for any of these people, and that they will never see the sin in their lives, and never turn their hearts towards God? God has given us the freedom to choose, the grace to screw up, and the opportunity to be forgiven.

Jesus the incarnate of God himself came to earth, suffered, was crucified and rose from the dead. Didn’t Jesus extend grace to everyone no matter what their condition? He did not strike sinners down, he extended the opportunity for them to turn their hearts, change their ways. Would this not be the personified image of God, His true being, His true belief? God gives everyone the opportunity to proclaim Christ as their savior and turn from their sin. Why then, would He destroy a city when each person has the opportunity to turn to God?

]]> http://ravenswingpoetry.wordpress.com/?p=245 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:26:10 +0000 ravenswingpoetry http://ravenswingpoetry.wordpress.com/?p=245
SP 10 Waiting for Disaster by THS Acid

This fib chain was written for Poefusion's Friday Five prompt. This week's words were: wail, hay, scrawl, clobber, and encourage. Enjoy.

-Nicole
-------------------------------------
stones
lay
scattered
tornado
scrawled our homelessness
onto to the land in rock letters

it
made
hay of
this town – the
clobbered brick houses
wail open-mouthed laments skyward

we
stand
under
blue sky roofs
and encourage each
other to silence the wailing

Written 7/17/08
&copy 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.

Stumble It!

15/10/2008 poliedro, caracas 8 de la noche... its true... and unreal

This is the first day of my last days...

In a recent press release, Air Force Lt. Gen. Trey Obering, director of the Missile Defense Agency, told reporters he believes Iran now has a missile with a range of 1,250 miles.

Wow, that's amazing. You would think that the United States has missiles that could hit China, or infact hit Iran. Why are the US so concerned about this program? I mean as long as a country uses weapons for self defense, and nothing else, why does it matter? Afterall the US does also have weapons of 'mass destruction'.

"Iran continues to develop and acquire ballistic missiles that can hit Israel and central Europe, including Iranian claims of an extended-range variant of the Shahab-3 and a new 2,000-km medium range ballistic missile called the Ashura," DIA director Army Lt. Gen. Michael Maples told the panel.

The US itself has a total of 5,535 nuclear weapons. There is a rumor that Israel has around 100-200 nuclear weapons. So why are they accusing Iran of having nuclear weapons when they (the US) themselves have thousands of nuclear weapons.

It's time that the US stopped being a bully.

That's some age-old advice from Matthew 7:13 and its good stuff to remember as we think about our "walk with God". It's a passage that also brings to mind that old saying about "the path to hell is paved with good intentions."

Really they are separate sentiments. Matthew is telling us that choosing the right path is hard and means we have to do more work. We have to be careful not to stray too far one way or the other and we have to watch where we go. But taking the easy path, while it means less thought and worry and work also means we are more likely to get ourselves into trouble. Think about it. How much temptation to do have to eat crappy food or spend lots of money if you're on some old narrow highway? But if you take the interstate, you've got rest stops and outlet malls and who knows what else, all readily available. you may end up at the same destination and maybe get there quicker but you may pay a price for that in the end. May not mean you end up in hell but it might mean a bit of hell in your life if you don't take the narrow road when God offers it to ya.

The other quote (which I can't figure out if anyone ever said officially or if it's just a variation of some official quotes from saints, thinkers and others along similar lines) tells us that our good deed won't get us into heaven. We need Jesus for that and its faith, not works, that lead us to salvation. But still it's a reminder of how important it is to pick the right path when we claim that we are walking with God.

(Deke's post on this topic, if you haven't seen it already above mine...or is it below mine...is here)

(The image I used is by Pastor David Hayward, who has a blog called "Naked Pastor" and an art-related site called HaywardART. Used with permission. He has prints available for sale.)

I walk into Abby's bedroom this morning around 8am only to find that one of her shelves has fallen off the wall and there are books all over the floor. Abby is sitting on the bed with a red mark on her nose and I automatically get worried about her nose (since we don't have health insurance- so I start praying that it isn't broken). Nick is of course sleeping, but I call him anyway and he checks her nose out and lucky for us, it's just grazed and not broken in the slightest. Phew. But now we have this giant cloud o doom hanging over our heads which is called 'The Broken Shelf'. Abby's obviously gotten tall enough in the year and a half we've lived here that she can now stand on her tippytoes and reach the books. Or in this case, stand on her tippytoes, hold onto shelf and try to reach the book. By the scale of the damage to the actual shelf and the wall, it looks like she put too much weight on it and she pulled it off the wall.

The hole in the wall isn't too serious but it's bad enough to warrant a trip to Home Depot for some patching supplies. The shelf of course, can't be reused but the brackets are in good shape so all we need to do is buy another shelf. Nick has stated that it's not going back in her room though, so maybe we can use it somewhere else in the apartment. He's going to buy her a cheapo bookcase, but it's not going in her room either. We'll probably leave it out in the hallway outside her room- if you leave her alone with books she thinks it's great fun to tear them to pieces. I don't know why and I've lost count of how many times we've scolded her for doing it..but it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. She's like a minature teenager- hopefully preschool will straighten her out a little this autumn. Ahahah. I make it sound like I'm sending her to boot camp :p

Here's some photos of the damage. First one is Abby's nose:

The bent bracket with a chunk of shelf still attached:

The main damage to the wall:

One bracket up, one down:

The shelf, complete with hole and other bracket:

The amount of books we need to put somewhere else:

OK, here it is, finally...

We were inspired by this, and a post on another blog, Sports Locker, that suggested things Beckett could do to generate interest in the blog world and elsewhere. By the way, there are tons of interesting and well-written hobby-related blogs out there, almost too many to keep up with (I try though), check out our blogroll when you can.

Yes, this has been in the works for a while (here comes the whining) but I have been so busy (*sniff*) that I have not gotten to it.   Sad, I know.

So the contest is exactly what was asked for...we want to see how much abuse our BGS slabs can take, without the card inside being damaged.  It's not necessary to damage or destroy the slab to win!

Entries will be judged on creativity, so it's not necessary to include a bulldozer or anything from NASA.  To make this fair, only the BGS/BVG slabs are allowed, BCCG are not.

Please, for me, don't try testing your ideas on your Pristine 10s...

The prize, 10 free gradings, at the 10 day service level, with Beckett covering the return shipping and insurance up to $1,000.

There are some rules, of course - no gunfire or explosives!

I will be honest and admit that I would love to see what happens to a slab if it's hit by a .22 at 100 yards or so, but we can't condone dangerous acts.  We held off announcing this until after July 4 for the same reason, it may be cool to tape a slab to 10 bottle rockets and see what happens, but it's just not safe.  Use good judgment, if it's likely, or even if it's "fairly possible," to result in injury, then we will be forced to disqualify the entry.

Questions about what is OK and what is not OK are more than welcome, hit the "Contact Us" button (see below) on the front page sidebar if you don't want to ask in the comments and possibly give your idea away.

Video entries are probably the best bet, but if you can clearly show what you did just using photos, by all means send them in!

There will be a panel of 7 judges--myself, Associate Publisher Tracy Hackler, Director of Grading Services Mark Anderson, Director of Data Publishing Bill "Sudsy" Sutherland, Editors David Lee and Al Muir, and Beckett grader Aaron Gibson.

Paying off the judges is strictly confidential.   Wait, I meant strictly prohibited!

The contest ends at midnight August 18, 2008, and judging will begin on August 19. The time it will take to complete the judging will be determined by the number of entries.

In the near future, we will post this button somewhere in the sidebar, so you can click it, come back to this post, and see these rules.

Send entries to, beckettblog@gmail.com, or hit this button in the sidebar-->.

Good Luck!

I have been, off and on, extremely anxious these past few months, likely due to delving too far into the secrets of my spiritual self. I'm disturbing the spiritually dead, proverbially speaking, and it's not someone else either- it's my dead self. Well of course this is all speculation, but in either case- as far as I'm concerned, I've willingly asked for a glimpse of Hell, and now I'm agonizing over whether it was really worth it.

I began this journey of self-exploration at first just to turn the nothing I was into something in the future; then, once I realized that it was not that simple, I began seeking out what that nothing was, because you cannot do anything you know nothing about, because even nothing is something

Well, all that abstract talk is just me being melodramatic...eventually, I found that the more I discovered about myself through this inference-based reasoning, the more I was able to improve upon myself. I started with internal change (opinions, morals, perspectives), and eventually harnessed these changes into habits/etc., to the point my transformation could not go unnoticed by those who "knew" me. But noooooo...that wasn't good enough for me. I had to find the unfindable answers, relying on the forbidden intuition that I should never have had- well perhaps I've just being "played" by myself- this illusion of soul-torture that I've forced upon myself due to expecting something.

But really, the possibilities are endless, so why doubt my doubts when I can "suspend judgement" on those matters- and focus my attentions on these far more engrossing and apparently irresistable obsessions. But, as you may have noted, these obsessions have really done a number on me. Why is it that I must have such depressing, such inevitably hopeless obsessions.

Now that I know that we all are motivated by the desire to run away from ourselves- or more accurately, we won't be happy unless we do everything to run away from ourselves. No- that's not even accurate. I mean "our other self" - might be our "Ego", might be our "soul" or "spirit" or "psyche"- well, it's arguable that all those words mean the same thing anyway. Perhaps- and this is most definitely the case, we are running away from something far bigger that that. But really, is that even possible, or does it even make any sense, considering at this point it's all just semantics.

Actually, I wouldn't even be able to write this post had it not been for the spontaneous impulses (that's redundant BTW) of my brother- by which I was able to clear my head sufficiently to actually think straight for the first time in 2 days. Now for some revised definitions "for the road":

Sin: Self- you know, the "other self". like I said, all semantics...

Agony: Seeing self, or a reflection/glimpse thereof- for what we really are, an eternally tortured self.

Hell: In "God's" presence we see the ugliness that we really are:

desperate, hateful, dependent, miserable, melancholic, masochistic/sadistic, vengeful, malicious, lonely, obsessed, perverted, greedy, lustful, irrate. All scum that is depicable and distasteful.

As to how such a hellish curse was eternally forced upon us, there are many possibilities, but this is my theory: Balance has always existed- it is the true God. But "in reality", Balance is only rules- just as Pythagoras's numbers did not create anything, but only organized what already existed. We, our "original" self- also existed, and were thus governed by Balance. But to gain self-awareness, our soul- as I'll call the "original self", had to pay an equal price- that is after all necessary to maintain Balance. The "Adam and Eve" story of Genesis 2-3, is IMO, a story that originally took, or more accurately, takes place outside time and a space- humans would not exist if "original self" did not become "original sin. Update: Time did exist- since it is a fundamental necessity of balance.

There are many Bible verses which support this interpretation, in several books, both the old testament and new. Although I really don't have motivation or time (b/f going 2 bed) to cite specific verses (although I probably would have if I didn't spend so much time procrastinating on Uncyclopedia- it's way to funny for my own good! see side-panel links for reference!)-

In Genesis, Isaiah, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastics, Revelation- just to name a few...

In the account of Jesus's death (found on all 4 gospels, though only a couple in sufficient detail), Jesus dies for our sake- taking the sin of the world upon himself.

I pity those millions (Billions unless it's "all for show") of Christians that completely misinterpret the Bible- it's not like I'm even close to accurate (obviously!) but at least I'm on the right track. Honestly though, how can anyone take what they call "God's Word" at face-value. It's sickening how simple people can be about things so far beyond themselves- what an insult to God!

Back to Jesus: In taking the sin upon himself- I strongly believe that this refers to the evolution of man. See, before man- there was just animals- no self-awareness.

To further understand- I'll shed some more light on my theories regarding the Soul:

The Soul is running away from itself- in denial, just as we are. That is because, in order to create life, death needed to be created. To create ecstasy, despair needed to be created. This was the price of Balance. The soul took upon itself those ugly qualities (the ones listed halfway through what I've written so far) so that it might give birth to the positives. The Soul did this so that it could have meaning, and because it was inevitable- it was in its nature to bestow benevolence. This soul is our God, and is always a part of us....Okay, for the time being ending creepy mystical mutterings...

Naturally, the Soul could not bear this state of being (hell), so it thrust itself into its creation, and became ignorant. The soul enjoyed bliss in this ignorance- animals, plants, and all life at that time, had naught but instincts, and thus had no reason to find the Soul. This is not unfeasible, as most humans today have the gift of self-awareness but do not use it, leaving it dormant.

But, in accordance with Balance, the Soul innately struggled to correct the imperfection of its beasts, and these struggles took on the form of evolution, with its battle-scars taking on the form of mutation, and its confusion was mirrored in natural chaos. As the struggle became exponentially intense, a split occurred within the Soul- this was also a necessity of balance. The struggle had reached a level so great that it threatened to destroy Balance, and an innate failsafe defense mechanism was activated within Balance, resulting in the first miracle. This miracle, having split the Soul into two, formed what I will call the "Thesis" and "Antithesis". Both the Thesis and Antithesis seek to be reunited under a Synthesis- but, in accordance with balance, this is not possible because that desire is neutralized with an equal and opposite force.

*Please note: Contrary to Augustine's theory that God exists outside time, my account, assuming "God" to be "the creator", exists within time-- Balance always exists, therefore time does. Even though God has always existed, he did within time, because Balance is also eternal. My "God" is also not infinite, and is bound by the laws of Balance.

The desire for synthesis is mirrored in our own lives to this day, because it is necessary for Balance. One might ask the question, is there then the possibility that there is also imbalance?- But if the answer was yes, that would be a moot paradox, so I wouldn't bother. (see Illogical)

Also, these events are somewhat reflected in the story of Cain and Abel.

Eventually, amid the struggles between the negative and positive that is the Soul, life evolved into increasingly complex organisms. But, in accordance with Balance, existence must be sustained by non-existence- thus, As many who are born must die. Because the animals were reproducing and flourishing, more were being born than were dying.

*Please note- keep in mind that although the Thesis and Antithesis are fighting, neither are self-aware of it, as their self-awareness is dormant within now-primitive life. Their subconsciousness's are dualing, and they are only aware of the effects, in the forms of chaos and mutation.

*Also- these circumstances are reflected in the story of Noah's Ark, particularly Gen. 6:1-7.

Now Balance was approaching the failsafe point, and- aware that the Soul had self-awareness, corrected the deficit by calling out the Soul (Antithesis and Thesis) to make a choice: allow the creation to be destroyed (which would be the second miracle), or make another sacrifice to correct the Balance in their stead. Because the Soul was now two different beings, the choice would have to be made separately. This decision could have been the long-awaited Synthesis, because both the Negative and Positive desired for life to continue flourishing. But Synthesis did not come to be.

The Positive Essence decided to sacrifice its self-awareness eternally, taking the form of Heaven or, more accurately, Nirvana.

The Negative Essence decided to keep it's self-awareness, but eternally resigned its right to ignorance, forever tormented to the ends permitted by Balance- its unhappiness mirroring the happiness of life, and vice versa. Thus, in order for life to be happy, it must be unhappy- we essentially depend on the unhappiness of the negative essence. It took the form of Hell or, more accurately, Samsara.

*Please note that there is a big difference between ignorance and self-awareness. The Positive Essence did not become ignorant by losing its self-awareness- if fact, if I understand Buddhism philosophy correctly, losing self-awareness is essential for losing all ignorance.

*As you probably already guessed, the Positive Essence's sacrifice was mirrored through the life and teachings of Gautama Buddha.

*Also note- The irony: Buddha discovered that the cause of human suffering was ignorance, but this is only one type of truth, which is derived from the Positive essence. Just as our well-being mirrors Samsara, our self-awareness mirrors the Positive Soul's lack thereof. Thus, because the Positive Soul is statically in a state of Nirvana, Balance must correct our ignorance with suffering, in accordance with Nirvana's complete lack of ignorance. On the other hand our ignorance can also grant us happiness, as ignorance makes our creator (the Negative side) unhappy. In other words, two negatives, when multiplied, make a positive. See here: God hates being ignored. Why do you think this commandment takes top spot on the 10?

*The Negative Essence was mirrored long before the Positive Essence did (Hinduism), but the effects were not fully realized until the life of Jesus. Because of the complications caused by the division of the Essences, and the sacrifices thereof, many miracles occurred up until the time of Jesus, and echoed until long after, in accordance. The effects of the Positive Essence need no be mirrored long, because it actually returned to its original self- essentially rendering it's role in the creation of life nonexistent. The original miracle through Which Nirvana's choice was reflected, was told in the allegory of Jacob and Esau (Gen. 25:30-34). Just as Esau gave up his birthright, Nirvana did as well. Key here is verse 34: ..."thus Esau despised his birthright." This mirrors the notion that Nirvana did not want it's birthright, because self-awareness actually held it captive, thus being more a hindrance than help.

(Just a thought)

Mirroring how Samsara took every kind of agony possible upon itself, Jesus took every sin upon himself. The Negative Essence became Samsara, taking Hell upon itself so that we might live- thus, the balance, at least for the time being, was complete.

Now all that remains is our choice. Because we were made in the Image of the Soul, we have self-consciousness. However, our self-consciousness is incomplete- metaphorically speaking, half complete. This is why we have two selfs. One of our selves has self-awareness, the other does not. That is because we are based upon and depend on two different Essences, of one Soul- one Essence has self-consciousness; the other does not. These two different selfs take the form of the Id and Ego.

The Id is the self-consciousless persona, derived from Nirvana

The Ego is the self-conscious persona, derived from Samsara

thus, Balance is achieved, and all that is left is for us to make the choice:

The Antithesis, the Thesis, or the Synthesis?

If we choose the Antithesis, Nirvana is achieved, ultimately

If we choose the Thesis, We will maintain self-awareness, but perpetually share with the happiness and unhappiness of the Samsara. Unfortunately, to correct the Imbalance required for us to live, we must ultimately suffer, as the suffering must outweigh happiness to compensate for life. This will continue, until we either choose Nirvana, or the third choice- the Synthesis:

Not a true Synthesis, but: We run away from our true selves, gaining ignorance through bliss, and pleasure through Denial. This is, unfortunately, the choice of the vast majority of the world. Although it is clearly the best choice for us, it is the greatest sin one can possibly commit, as we are gaining pleasure as the direct consequence of God's suffering. That is because by ignoring God we are doing that which makes him suffer most, and thus gain the greatest pleasure from it.

To end with a few verses that best reflect that last paragraph:

Mark 8- "34Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35For whoever wants to save his life^[c] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? 37Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" If you really think about it, you'll be taken off-guard at how closely these words match up to this post! ps.- this is probably the most on-the-spot biblical re-translation I've ever done on the spot in my life- guess I showed that Redneck/Asshole!

Vous en avez marre de mon blog ? Voir même d'internet ...

Alors détruisez vos sites grâce à Netdisaster ! Déluge, nucléaire, fusillade, dinausaure, entartage, manifestation, vomi .... Bref, n'attendez plus pour vous défouler sur mon blog ;) !

C'est ICI !

Ever since I started reading "I never promised you a rose garden", I have become more and more aware of the connection between Greenberg and myself. Supposedly, in spite of the book being a self-admission to schizophrenia, it's currently believed that she only had depression, with schizophrenia being a trashcan diagnosis. Although I only know her from this one book, I don't believe that she was merely depressed. The book ends with her leaving Yr, to live in the "real world", but I think that was just closure on her part. She never really left, she just compromised. To live in the real world, she learned to accept lies, adapt to things, force Yr into the background, and most importantly, exercise inhibition. Perhaps I'm just "believe[ing] what [I] want to believe" (quote from Matrix), but it seems to me that Joanne still senses the world of Yr, but sets it aside in favor of the semblance of sanity.

To better understand the connection between us, I made use of metaphors to illustrate our independent relationships to "the world":

spiritual vs. physical: spiritual=me; physical=her.

I can't imagine anything for more than a few milliseconds. Although a great amount of concentration can yield the semblance of imagination, I know that in the sessions I have done this, I have produced the equivalent of a 3 fps (frames per second) video clip. On the other hand, I'd say I'm a prodigy when it comes to "imagining audio" (I can't think of the right terminology for it- if someone could please comment filling in the blank- "imagination is to visual as ________________ is to auditory). If I were to re-learn how to read music, I could probably improvise the audio and lyrics of most Linkin Park songs currently released (though I wouldn't- it would be a waste of effort.)

Although this theory still need a lot of fine-tuning, it goes like this: Greenberg had an incredible imagination, which was materialized with Yr. I have no imagination- our difference in this regard is worth noting. the physical-spiritual comparison is, the more I think about it, inappropriate, but it was where these thoughts started out. What I was trying to illustrate with this comparison was that it was "different ways of looking at the same thing" In all truth, the fact that I used "physical" and "spiritual" for this comparison, is because my insights were influenced by Spinozan pantheism. Actually, after looking up the wikipedia article on it, I realized that "physical" should be replaced with "natural", or rather, the comparison should be "spirit vs. nature", in accordance with Spinoza's theory- as well as being more appropriate for my own.

Different ways of looking at the same thing (i.e. the glass is half-empty=pessimism; the glass is half-full=optimism) are pure in form, and are mirrored in reality, many times radically (i.e. crime vs. justice). What I find most interesting is the startling connection between

(a) "nature"--> and evil, witchcraft, idols, human/animal sacrifice, fantasy, etc.

(b) "spirit"--> and good, "white magic", psychics, prophets, etc.

It's important to note a few things: the latter (b) is very compatible with modern morality, and even Christianity itself. Again, it's just different ways at looking the same thing (a dualism within a dualism!)- If we set aside all bias and preconceptions, it's quite easy to see the resemblance. Christians just use words like that to denote that "they didn't do it our way". (just a little IMHO)

This dualism was utilized in the production of Stargate SG-1, in the form of the Alterans, who adopted a more scientific/rational outlook, and the Ori, who fervently pursued religious belief. Both started out with good intentions, but both ended up being controlled by their desires. On one hand, the Alteran civilization was destroyed partially due to their nonchalant nature, as they were completely taken off-guard. Even as ascended beings, they allowed much turmoil to devastate the physical world, and eventually risked their own devastation for the sake of maintaining balance, keeping to the code, and non-interference. The Ori, on the other hand, had what the Alterans lacked- desire, but what they received in power, they paid in integrity, and they lost even the the semblance of satisfaction. Their followers also paid the same price they did, if only at smaller scale.

In addition to serving as a worthy illustration those concepts further discussed below, the Alteran-Ori allegory also illustrates the conflict between science and faith.

I myself have heavy tendencies towards the path of the Alterans- I too have a lack of concern for the state of things, a need to protect balance, and am indeed one who prefers to think and not act. In fact, I am just as satisfied with thinking of doing it as I would be with doing it, so I would have no problem with the suggestion, "let's not and say we did". I have the intention of getting a girlfriend/etc. who is either very occult or very religious- the reason being to (a) balance out my opposite tendencies, and (b) to initiate a "spiritual" connection between "nature" and "spirit", spawning balance, fidelity, and a nexus between the two.

Another point of interest: natural (black) magic puts and emphasis on carnal desire, impulse, immediate gratification, and lust. Partly for this reason, I initially wanted to merge [what was the beginning of] the contents of this post with Id versus Ego:

In other words, [black magic, etc.] exists to please the Id, and [white magic, etc.] exists to please the Ego. As quoted in a 1933 newspaper article, Crowley said "Black magic is not a myth. It is a totally unscientific and emotional form of magic, but it does get results — of an extremely temporary nature.
It is like looking for an escape of gas with a lighted candle. As far as the search goes, there is little fear of failure! To practice black magic you have to violate every principle of science, decency, and intelligence. You must be obsessed with an insane idea of the importance of the petty object of your wretched and selfish desires. I have been accused of being a "black magician." No more foolish statement was ever made about me. I despise the thing to such an extent that I can hardly believe in the existence of people so debased and idiotic as to practice it." The recoil upon those who practice it is terrific." Crowley's thoughts on black magic perfectly illustrate the connection between the Id and "nature", and it also manages to merge with Schopenhauer's chaotic will-to-life world.

Thus, the reason why we find happiness in the Id, and torment in the Ego, is because the Ego mirrors the agony of the soul- or, as Spinoza put it, "spirit". Now it's time to get the primary focus of this post, which, would you believe it (?!) has not even been addressed in the ~1300 words thus far.

That point being, "naturally"(!) that I am "in the world, but not of it"- so, what do I mean by that?

In I never promised you a rose garden, Blau explains how, after discovering Yr, the Censor appears to act in her stead whenever she was drawn into the world of Yr. The Censor's name is self-descriptive- its job is to provide the semblance of sanity, by [my interpretation:] using knowledge of "norms", "habits", and "common sense". Thus, the world never actually knew Deborah Blau, they only knew the Censor. As I wrote in Maria, who I appear to be in person, or any type of direct interaction, is a shallow reflection of who I truly am. All my real memories are in this blog- this blog is my real life. After thinking about the purpose of the Censor, I realized that I too, have a Censor- giving the semblance of sanity- or in more conservative wording, normality. This blog is my Yr.

There are many things that baffled me before that this insight make sense of: Why am I so detached? Why can't I remember my emotions in the past? Why do I lack friends, despite having a great desire to socialize? Essentially everything I do that involves interaction- I don't know why I do it, I just do. It's as if it's not even me that's doing it. I don't know why I do any of the interactions I do, either in conversation or action, until after I do them, and yet I approve of all of them. This can't be a coincidence. Why do I approve all of them? It's because I am not the slave, I am the master. My Censor acts in my name, I only oversee as the Observer. Where my true self lies, and that which is reflected more accurately in this blog, is elsewhere, which for lack of a better word, I dub "the spiritual realm"

So if you ever meet me, talk to me, befriend me, remember that it's not "me" that you know, but a zombie! :p

Update: I just realized another interesting thing: Christianity was (no matter how you look at it) originally a cult of Judaism. Now, Judaism is strikingly similar to black magic (temples, rites, rituals, animal sacrifice, etc.) with some white magic elements (prophesy, "miracles", etc.) So it's relatively likely that Christianity evolved out of a Jewish sect that felt the more "black magic" practiced were "old-fashioned", and should be "phased out" in favor of more "white magic" oriented practices. Modern Christianity has predominantly "white magic" practices, although, presumably due to its heritage, it still retains some "black magic". So if that was the plan, they definitely suceeded! :-)

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I'm not sure if you've noticed it lately, but there's been great deal of disasters and catastrophes happening. Tsunamis, tornadoes (not just in Texas and Kansas, and coming down the pike at about 10 at a time). Hurricanes, freak snow storms, disease resistant viruses, frogs, locusts, hail...you name it, I've watched some crazy reporter is a slicker stand in it and report about it.

The right side of my brain tells me it's global warming, El Niño, and soft molten liquid core shifting on tectonic plates. The left side...honestly, my left side is telling us that Mother Nature is pissed, and kicking our not so ever-loving ass.

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What? you say...it's just a matter of closing that tear in the ozone, stopping the icebergs from melting away, and stuffing some depleted Uranium 238 down the holes where we've sucked out all the oil. Problem solved. I'm busy solving world hunger and cancer this week...do it yourself.

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The foxhole atheist in me says I'd run like hell, and try to survive the big one, but the dirt eating pessimist says f*ck it...we deserve to perish.

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What? Treason against my own species? What about the children? Me forget about the children? When our species is living far beyond our biological niche, thanks to our super brains and super technology...we've got more children than ever...I'm surprised that the group still living in the Middle Ages isn't worried that all the kids will fall off the sides of this flat Earth...which is the center of all the Universe.

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To be truthful, my Earth might be spherical, but I fall into the trap of wrapping myself up in the warm nurturing blanket of self importance, just as much as anyone. I too hit the snooze button on the wake-up call our planet is giving us. She keeps alarming and I keep nodding off. I'm lazy and self centered that way. Fat happy convenience and the life span of less than 100 years will do that to a human. It's nice of Mother Nature and the Earth to at least give us the chance to hear the alarm, but I doubt if we will stop our steady destruction of the very ground we supposedly call hallow.

Even the hope I feel recycling my Coke Zero cans and getting my Subaru Outback all muddy to rescue some furry thing I found on a hike...even that hope isn't enough to stop the lesson. Stupid things like remembering so many more fireflies out in the yard when I was little. Each year I see them, but the count is down as are my spirits. Tread water, pass bills, pick up trash, bike to work...What it will do is prolong Mother Nature's whipping for another generation...and then another generation after that...maybe. You see, because there's another big factor. We like whipping ourselves. And we do it well.

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I think we're going at a much faster pace than Mother Nature is. Our hatred and fear of each other creates bigger horrors than any Mother Nature could dream up. For what? Person, self, soul. This end is most surely a justification as well as punishment for the means. Natural or man-made...the end will come. With the Earth being about 4.5 billion years old, humans have only spent the last 195,000 years here. Sounds like a lot...but it's not. And we've been busy. Here's some perspective...quiz to follow.

Picture a 24 hour clock. Take all the time which has passed from the start of the known universe until today and compare it to the sweep of the hands on the 24 hour clock. The current belief is that the clock started 12 billion years ago.

To represent this on a 24 hour clock, each hour's sweep of the hand would represent 500 million years (1/2 billion years). On this clock the hand swept for about 15 hours before the earth, sun and the planets start forming thus starting geological time (4.5 billion year ago).

Life on our planet started only after the clock had been running for 23 hours or about one hour ago (representing 500 million years ago), 28 seconds ago after the clock had been sweeping around for 23 hours 59 minutes and 32 seconds humans came down from the trees (5 million years ago), 3/4 of a second ago humans began speaking. On the clock of all known time, human history is not as long as one second. Less than one second ago contains all usable human knowledge.

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zzzzzzzzz...Wake up mortals...my Biology lesson is over, but Mother's isn't. We're f*cked and I'm not sure it's a bad thing. Let the Earth go back to the way it was. Let the monsters die out and the animals live in peace, or maybe just biological harmony.

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Manly drinking etiquette is important in today's society. With the right etiquette applied you can become a cold, hardened sociopath who doesn't care about anything, or anyone, you'll literally be harder than frozen dog shit. Without it, you are nothing more than an effeminate little nancy boy spending his, bitch-boy, pocket money on alcohol he can't hope to appreciate, floundering and drowning in a sea of your own feminine hormones.

First off, If it isn't beer, whiskey, vodka, or a bourbon, you shouldn't be drinking it.

Here's a basic run down of the "dos, the don'ts", the "do drink"s and the "don't drink"s, of dominant male culture.

Beer, the wine of the common man.

Drinking beer is often done in a time saving, haphazard, fashion by men.

"The faster I drink it, the faster my night will stop sucking." - Seems to be the generally applied rule these days. But, a fine beer, is like a fine meal, granted it's a liquidized meal, but it's a meal all the same. You should savour each moment of drinking your golden nectar. Drink it slow. Another important tip would be to not spill your beer over a waitresses breasts, it may seem hilarious at the time, and while being slapped in the face is definitely a sign of manhood, wasting beer most definitely isn't.

Whiskey, brewed from Clint Eastwood's sweat.

Ah whiskey, my alcoholic beverage of choice. It should be noted, that whiskey, is a different breed of animal. If you're used to drinking beer, you may need to practice drinking whiskey at home. So, break up with your girlfriend, buy a bottle of Jameson's, go home, and sit in the dark and practice your whiskey face.

In an ideal world, no man would suffer from whiskey face, i.e., that distortion of ones entire face, that looks like an epileptic, tied to a chair, in front of a strobe light.

However, this world is not ideal, and if it is entirely impossible for you to drink whiskey without pulling faces, at least try to ensure that when you involuntary spasm into your whiskey face, you look like Clint Eastwood having a shit. The preferred whiskey face is always "grimace." (More on grimacing later.)

Whiskey, like most alcoholic beverages, tends to make me quite violent and angry, which is probably helps to explain why I, self-destructively, drink it by the bottle.

However, it should be noted, that after consuming an entire bottle of Whiskey, your ability to throw a punch, let alone fight will have been reduced to zero. I like many others learnt this the hilarious way.

Vodka, it's mantastic!

Vodka tastes like having an angry Russian man shove sand-paper, and carpet that a cat has urinated all over, down your throat. As such, it's really fucking manly. Again drinking Vodka takes practice. Vodka should never be taken in shot form, a shot of Vodka is moronic, and for women.

Vodka doesn't have a high enough alcohol percentage to be taken as a shot, I'd just like to make this clear, because I see way too many people asking for shots of Vodka and Whiskey these days, if you're going to order a shot, it is to be absinthe 75% or higher.

Bourbon, the gentleman's drink.

Bourbon one of the few drinks that can make you look like either of two extremes, a 75 year old down and out heroin junkie, or a sophisticated socialite on a high flying night out. Ensure you look like the right one.

Bourbon is a drink that should not be thrown down your throat in a matter of milliseconds to the chant of "CHUG CHUG CHUG." So don't do it. It makes you look like a moron.

Alcopops, the scourge of male alcoholism.

Alcopops make you look like a slutty teenage girl. Don't drink them, ever. Let's say a man comes up to you and your woman in a bar, he notes you're drinking an alcopop, he starts hitting on your woman, feeling her up and what not. You demand he stop, as all manly men do.

What does he do? He continues.

Why? Because he has no respect for you, he sees you as an uglier version of your girlfriend with no tits and no luke-warm hole in your crotch.

In short alcopops are about as manly as sitting down to pee.

Mixing Spirits

It makes you a little fucking girl. What's the fucking point in ordering a drink as manly as Vodka, only to show a complete lack of respect for "the destroyer of men" by mixing it with fucking orange juice.

Don't mix shit, only women mix their drinks, and you're not a woman.

10 manly things to do on a night out.

1. Fight.
2. Drink.
3. Smoke a cigar.
4. Get laid.
5. Have sex with a friend of your ex.
6. Use a fat friend as a wing-man.
7. Be really misogynistic.
8. Make fun of the weakest man in the group.
9. Get a blow-job in a toilet cubical.
10. Destroy public property. (I highly recommend phone boxes.)

Not only is the cover now littered with random pieces of Monty's fur ball, the cover has a hole!  Do you see it?!  I couldn't help but laugh!  So after I threw my head back in laughter, I ran to the other side and poked his bum (...well the lump under the bed).  I heard a small "meow" in protest and then he shifted a little.  Then his foot fell and created another hole! He quickly pulled it up but I have photo evidence.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is my cat Monty.  He has brought death (or at least injury) to my mattress spring box cover.

So I just found out today that the construction site of Dubai Pearl contains some old buildings from the previous owner. Since they failed to erect the building, our construction company has decided all the materials inside are useless, and they've been authorized to TNT the whole place. Now, as a lover of all kinds of destruction, I asked to be there and they tentatively said "yes" to recording devices and my presence.

Once it happens, I will post many many pictures. Sounds like fun.

EDIT: Anyone seen Zabriskie Point? I hope its like this. (Watch this if you like explosions).

When did the Earth tell us that we must pay a certain price for our shelter? The Spirit tells us that we must live freely and respect the Earth, our Mother, provider, protector and friend. Our Mother is dying of cancer, which can be cured in time, if we so choose.

I have seen the outcome of what will be if we do not change our destructive ways, and it is horrible, and saddens me. All things will cease to exist if we continue on this path. If we continue to pollute the air, and hunt carelessly for trophies as opposed to only hunting for food, clothing, and tools, the fewer animals will there be to eat. Less food means less people. More pollution means even less people, even less animals for food, and less water fit to drink. Follow this cycle and you will see that the path which humankind is on now leads to total destruction, the complete annihilation of all forms of life...global extinction.

People believed that prophecy didn't tell what's going to happen, but only told the outcome of what will happen based on what IS happening. Based on this, you may lable what I have said as prophecy, or you may not. But label it as a lie, and you are blinded by greed.

wields destruction

the anger

that

was born

out of your

heart

where you

had

no room

for

love

no room

for

me

As I, TelepathicPebble, ventured the world, I saw many treasures. Treasures that could be admired, inspired, and even exploited. For this world was one of a delicate sort. It's bright petals could be shaken, shaken so hard every petal would fall loose, adrift in the wind. It soon became clear that no hand could touch this beauty, and it was to be forever so.

From this beauty emerged my jealousy and denial. From this beauty emerged every evil ever horrored. It was to this that I had been corrupted. To this I had blamed. So as I sat, perched aloft mankind's greed, there I realized my fault, my utmost doom. I had begun to slumber though, and slept all through out the nightmare.

It was till I woke did I notice my cage. That the view I had once before was now twisted and skewed. It was always dark out side. And yet I still peered through the blinds of the window, waiting, wondering.

When I finally took the chance, when I finally left the room to which I despised, there now among me was food. What kind of food you ask? Well it wasn't good! In it lingered smells never associated with food. Perhaps I was ungrateful, or perhaps it was the stinking truth that one must swallow. Whatever it was, it sure wasn't good.

After returning the food to which it came, I was now tired, sick, and hungry. Thus I had one last hope. As I entered a new dominion in search of substance, suddenly a shocking smell hit the air. It was the smell of fresh apples! I ran to it. Though what I found, what I really found, was ice. Nearby was a knife, my eyes darted to and fro. I grabbed the knife, it's wooden handle splintered me, but I continued to hold on. I stabbed it's blade through the ice, making slight indentations.

Time flew by fast, in mere hours I was no where closer. Though after the tenth day and tenth night I made an impact: half an apple was now gleaming from out the ice.  It's red color renewed me, and I started the dig again with an improved impact. At dawn of the eleventh day, I had removed the apple from it's frozen cell. I held it to the heavens, claiming it's righteous power.

No sooner was I claiming it's power was I now running mad with fear. The apple was cursed with a deathly beauty. My eyes strained tiredly as I squinted at my surroundings. The apple was no more. For I had made my way to the woods. For in the shade of nature I clung. In her ruins I wept. As sparkling dropplets fell to the barren ground below, my hands also fell, fell upon her rumble. In anger I clutched these fallen cities within my grasp, their eyes lay upon me in hope. They held to me like a frog upon a wall of white, as I held to them as a wall of white upon a frog.

And as we, together, held on, our very nature became alike. My inner eye was unleashed upon the world, to explore and protect, never again would I hold off.

I watched American Beauty last night for the first time. I know I'm about 10 years behind its following, but I quite enjoyed it. This one particular line made me weep like a toddler who just discovered what happens when one sticks a fork into an electrical socket:

"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. "

Somebody wrote that, somebody, somehow, understands.

Maybe taking up the hobby of film watching would make me feel less alone. If you have any suggestions of films for INFP's, I'd love to hear them.

No!  She understood that in spite of the world's opinion, she became truly, deeply, and madly beautiful only in the moment she had given herself, body and soul... to him.  And as always, the hateful world of jealousy had ensured that this very thing would be the demise and the destruction of that which inspired her heart's passionately complete devotion... that which ignited the true, deeply thorough beauty - love unconditional, love big and beautiful, love healthy and secure, quiet and unassuming.  Love.

Although this was her thought to herself, her verbal response to him was, "I really don't know.  God's blessing....God's curse?"  He did not respond to her answer.  He was visually distracted and it was only a rhetorical question anyway, right?

The catch-22 was that the very characteristic that captivated him was also precisely the reason he feared and despised her.  It was the reason he couldn't help but torture her.  It is why her first genuine commitment to unconditional love outside of family was the most beatifully haunting disaster; the source of her irreparable heart break.  It was the reason others took vicious sledge hammer hits on their happiness while they had been blissfully unaware and doing the best they could to trudge through the ugly craziness of their world.  She couldn't help but to believe that if not for the random hatred and sheer envy her appearance provoked (had always provoked), no one would have even noticed them and therefore would never have been hell-bent on mass destruction.

The sadness of this had affected so much and its effects flowered out like a disease.  She fought this disease with the only defense "they" left her with:  unconditional love.  They might have sullied it, but they hadn't even touched its being.  It's light shined on and on...  However painful the damage was.

Truthfully, it was his weakness that allowed their destruction.  And this was the reason she would never allow herself to hate.  "They" were only doing what came naturally to them and envy of such a storybook love was certainly expected.  He was responsible for understanding the depth and surrendering to it.  Since he had not, they had won. 

There was the distinct feeling that they enjoyed reveling in their win over these two unsuspecting victims.  As the two would stand in the same public space, they watched hungrily.  Delighting in the thick atmosphere of the discomfort the two now experienced while in each other's presence in public.  After all this time and the physical destruction of what was, the disconnected connection between the two was undeniably obvious.  He could not take his eyes off her and she used every ounce of pretense and energy inside her to not look in his direction - the direction of the destructive they.  She knew that if she did, they would see how the misery of her heart remained as painfully fresh and accute as the day of destruction.  She didn't have much pride left, but she hoped to at least deny them absolute proof.  And so she could not even casually glance in the general direction of him or those people. 

How interesting that this enraged them.  She noticed regularly that although they sometimes acted triumphant, those people seemed not an ounce happier or more content with themselves or their lives.  Instead, she could see how they still felt viciously destructive, long after absolute demolilition had occurred.  When looking in their eyes, even as they stood in the very presence and proof of their victory, they still had that miserable look of the deepest ache in their soul.  They desperately needed perpetual confirmation - regular reassurance of the misery they created. They were starving and needed it like nourishment.  Inside she was dying for a glance at him.  She so wanted to enjoy that brief shared moment of their eyes meeting with that sad understanding, but her stubbornness refused to let them feed any longer off the misery they had created.  Let them die of starvation.  She vowed she would no longer let them feed off her tortured soul, even if it meant she could not share even one delicious glance with him.

The fury they exuded, confirmed it all.  "Bring her here."    What?  Really?  As though physically attacking her might feed them one additional meal.  As he stood there with them, directly in the midst of such miserable ugliness, did he not see it?  How could he not?  There it was:  the end result of all of it.  She had lost; he had lost... and they had won.  He had handed them the win and as a bonus his constant staring at her awarded them a gigantic, shining trophy for their efforts.  Given the persistence of their still-miserable state in spite of their  big win, how very sad it all was... If they had been in any way actually satisfied or perhaps could  experience true happiness at their created destruction, then at least it would have stood for something.

You poor people you, do you not understand?  You certainly have won this battle and perhaps many others as well, but that is because I refuse to engage.  And I refuse to engage because love will always win the war.