by The Rocketeer

But if you were to look at these ideas based on realistic projections from current technologies, it's much more likely that we will cease being physically anything like what we are now long before we are able to regularly visit other planets.

by liquidslave

It's unfortunate, but ideas such as resusable single-stage-to-orbit craft (SSTO), permanent colonies on other planets, faster-than-light travel (FTL), and even frequent interplanetary travel in our own solar system are just not likely with any known or currently theorized technology.

SSTO is not feasible with current or theorized tech because it would require a vehicle which is 96% fuel just based on the physics of the thing. 96%! That leaves 4% for structure and payload. And that only gets you to orbit. At that point you'd have to refuel or transfer to another ship to go anywhere else.

by Curious Expeditions

FTL is just a fantasy at this point. There are no plasubile theories on how such a thing would be possible using technologies that we may obtain in the next few centuries.

by robotography

Even interplanetary travel is pretty tough. We will probably be able to send a team to Mars in the near future, but even that is not without a very large risk. And we are not completely certain how we would shield the occupants against radiation or even land the craft once it gets there. And one mission does not mean much. The cost is so high and the returns so small, makes human exploration of the solar system is a romantic, but uneconomic idea. Robots are cheaper, faster, and fewer people care if they accidentally crash into the planet instead of landing on it.

by Jastro

In contrast, Moore's Law alone makes it a virtual certainty that a desktop computer will have greater processing power than the human brain by 2035-2045. When combined with advances in nanotech, AI, and neural interfaces (these already exist in primitive forms), it becomes very likely that we will begin merging with our technology long before we are able to send people beyond the orbit of Jupiter.

by TopTechWriter.US

The root of this is Ray Kurzwells theory that information technologies (processors, nanotech, AI, some medical tech) develop along an exponential curve, while more traditional discoveries in chemistry and physics are linear. By the middle of this century it is very likely that we will have human-level artificial intelligence and the ability to interface with it directly via a neural link. Add to that the advances in genetics and it's a certainty we won't exit this century looking anything like the way we did when we entered it.

by Roberto Rizzato

For me the interesting extrapolation from this info-tech before space-tech idea is that humans as we know them may never leave the solar system. It seems to me that we will probably completely merge with our tech and transcend our biology before we develop the capability for interstellar travel.

by blaster219

And really, interstellar travel would be alot easier with having to support a biological being. Residing within a computer means that you would not have bring along food, water, or air. You wouldn't have to limit the acceleration of the ship to a few G's for human safety. You wouldn't have to carry as much raditation shielding. You wouldn't have to worry about getting bored, or limiting travel to the range reachable within a human lifespan.

Not having bodies, or at least leaving them in storage at home, would make reaching another star system an actual possibility. Possibly even with present technology. Voyager 1 and 2 could carry a computer, were launched in 1977, and they were still functioning when they exited the solar system in December 2007.

by g-na

So I for one welcome the prospect of becoming a cybernetic organism, because it's the only way I'm going to get to see Alpha Centauri closer than this.

by novakreo

Name: Ghost in the Shell

Author: nA

Comment: This film is an absolute must-see.

Extraction Site

...Why have one, if you can have two.

Name: Ghost in the Shell

Author: nA

Comment: Next up: Garret the Thief!

Extraction Site

First on the list, replacing bones with metal alloys. Duncan Graham-Rowe, the author of this New Scientist tech review, hits upon a very important point:

But artificial bones are not perfect. One idea that may see them match natural bone's strength and lightness is to build implants by zapping titanium powder with a laser. That can makes pores of different sizes in different areas of the finished product, controlling strength and stiffness in the same way as real bone

The part in bold is important, because an artificial bone has to be much the same as the original, despite fictional cyborgs usually getting some enhanced strength or resilience from their metallic skeleton. This is because a strong metal (titanium alloys have a yield strength of about 800MPa) in contact with weaker bone (cortical bone has a yield strength of around 100-200MPa) can cause a lot of stress on the bone at the contact point, causing wearing and severe pain. Only by replacing the entire skeleton could a strong alloy be used in a cyborg.

The review then moves onto tissue engineering - rebuilding humans with the same materials they were made with in the first place: flesh and blood. That is a promising and fast growing field, because it prevents a lot of foreign body immune reactions, but it doesn't really get to the heart of the bionic human question (pun not intended).

This is quickly remedied as the discussion turns to neural interfaces, specifically cochlear and retinal implants, as well as the a hippocampal prosthesis. All of which suffer from the same problems. First, they require a lot of understanding about how the neural circuitry works. Second, fine stimulations require very small electrodes, and interference starts to become an issue at those scales. After all, most neurons are only a dozen microns across. (but highly variable, like any biological tissue).

Artificial limbs are up next, which involve all of the above issues, as they must not only join to the skeleton to transmit their load effectively to the body, but also be controlled by the nervous system. Needless to say, while solutions look promising, there is still a long way to go, for much the same reasons as mentioned above. Advanced arm bionics usually are controlled by the nerves from the missing limb, albeit rerouted to control chest muscles which in turn activate movement sensors which drive the limb. And they usually require a shoulder strap to transfer their load onto the body, though in the near future they will likely be connected directly to bone. But hey, we can't regrow limbs (yet), so this is a good stop-gap solution.

Finally, the review ends with a discussion of power requirements. Powering the prosthetic from the body is good in theory, but biological systems are far, far less power hungry than artificial systems (the human brain uses 20-25W of power, while a Playstation 3 or high-powered PC can use up to 200W, and IBM's Roadrunner supercomputer that recently set a processing record trying to simulate the mammalian visual cortex uses over 2,000,000W). So it is likely that trying to run any advanced neural interface or bionic limb will use up far more than the human body could generate, and even small systems could drain the area around the implant of all available energy. It will be batteries or fuel cells for a while yet.

Actually, the review ends by talking about how bionic systems could be vulnerable to electrical interference, but the human body isn't exactly invulnerable, so I don't think this a fair comparison. It is merely trading one weakness for another - a problem for those with pacemakers, who end up with the weaknesses of both worlds - but not for somebody who was shot in their bionic leg and doesn't bleed to death from the femoral artery.

X-Men

Originally uploaded by Grumpstone

X-Men

A fictional team of mutant superheroes with special abilities created by Marvel Comics writers Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.

The original comic series has been successfully translated into a film trilogy and an animated TV series.

There is also an American and Canadian science fiction television show called Mutant X that is based on the original Marvel comic strip.

The idea of X-Men compels us to remember that genetic mutation and recombination need not always be bad.

Society's condemnation of the X-Men and their genetically enhanced abilities is unfounded, even paranoid, and might parallel present misunderstandings and tensions between those lying in the middle and at the extremes of the so-called normal bell curve.

Quite possibly some of today's "freaks and geeks" represent a kind of precursor to the next stage of human evolution.

It has also been argued that X-Men is a symbolic protest against current forms of racism and discrimination that different religious, ethnic and status groups may hold toward one another. » Science Fiction

Add to this, report errors, suggest edits or voice your opinion by posting a comment

These insect cyborgs are the latest achievement of the Defence Advanced Research Program Agency and have recently been showcased at the Micro-Electro-Mechanical Systems international conference in Tucson, Arizona.  The researchers, led by Dr. Amit Lal, implanted electronic circuit probes into tobacco hornworms during their early pupal stage.  These were then allowed to develop and mature into long-lived moths, whose muscular movement could be manipulated with the implanted electronic network.

Thomas Easton, a professor of science and author of Sparrowhawk – an engaging novel about such insect cyborgs – suggests an amusing way in which the technology could identify individuals from a crime scene.  He describes how moths are particularly sensitive to sex attractants.  If traces of these chemicals could be transferred onto money, stolen cash along with the bank robbers would be traceable using the moth-based-hybrid to follow the scent.  If that isn’t a scene for the next Bond movie, I don’t know what is!

Even more impressively, the sex attractant receptor on the moth antennae could potentially be replaced with receptors for explosives or drugs via genetic engineering.  Readers beware: science fiction is becoming a reality.

Independientemente de que descubramos o no inteligencia extraterrestre, simplemente nosotros mismos vamos a crear más especies.

El proyecto "Orion's Arm" al que recomiendo echarle un vistazo, presenta la tremenda variedad de "sofontes" (seres inteligentes) que la humanidad puede llegar a crear. Se distinguen de esa jungla varios conceptos: La mente de origen (humana, animal, artificial), el tipo de adaptación (genética o mecánica), el tipo de cuerpo (multifuncional, especializado, virtual), su cardinalidad (uno, muchos) y duración (definitivo, temporal) son las categorías que he descubierto allí. Dejaré la última para luego y daré algunos ejemplos de sofontes que algún día serán realidad.

• Seres humanos alterados cibernéticamente. Esto, realmente, ya es realidad: cualquier persona con un marcapasos es un cyborg.
• Seres humanos alterados genéticamente, por ejemplo para ser más inteligentes o resistentes a enfermedades, contaminación, venenos o las condiciones extremas de otros planetas (marcianos de diseño, por ejemplo).
• Animales alterados genéticamente para ser tan o más inteligentes que un ser humano. Lo mismo, pero con cibernética.
• Inteligencias Artificiales sin cuerpo, pero que pueden usar diversos robots.
• Seres humanos cuya mente ha sido transportada a una nube de nanorobots capaces de asumir las formas más diversas.
• Mentes humanas trasladadas a Internet.
• Mentes humanas insertadas en un gran robot, por ejemplo una nave espacial.
• Mentes humanas trasladadas a un cuerpo animal.
• El "anticyborg", una inteligencia artificial controlando un cuerpo humano.

Pueden seguir combinando hasta cansarse todos los elementos mencionados. Todo esto es en teoría posible, y por tanto sólo es cuestión de tecnología, y por tanto de tiempo. Se podrá hacer, y cuando se pueda hacer, se hará.

Finalmente, hay que tener en cuenta que estas decisiones pueden ser temporales. Es perfectamente concebible que una mente surja por la "elevación" de un chimpancé, pase luego a un cuerpo robótico, luego decida vivir en el espacio virtual (sin cuerpo) pero los fines de semana los pase con un cuerpo de delfín nadando en algún océano.

Nada impide, en útlimo término, que se acabe tratando el cuerpo igual que se trata a la ropa: es algo que envuelve nuestra mente (que es nuestro verdadero "yo"), y que puede cambiarse a placer, y refleja nuestra forma de vernos y lo que deseamos transmitir con nuestra presencia.

Se pueden sacar algunas conclusiones de la inevitablidad de este proceso:

• Tendremos que ampliar nuestra moral. No tiene ningún sentido interesarnos compasivamente por la humanidad, pero no por seres que pueden ser igual de autoconscientes, creativos, morales, etc... que nosotros. Decidir que los individuos con un código genético X merecen ser protegidos pero otros con las mismas características mentales básicas no, es arbitrario y a la larga indefendible.

Por tanto, esas "personas" (uso este término como genético de todo ser autoconsciente) tendrán derechos, en principio los mismos que todo ser humano. Que los hayamos hecho no nos da mas derechos que los que tiene cualquier parde sobre sus hijos: limitados y temporales.

• Algunos de esos tipos de mentes excederán rápidamente nuestra capacidad de descubrir, analizar y solucionar los problemas a los que se vaya enfrentando nuestra civilización terrestre[1].

Consecuentemente, con el tiempo estos tipos de mente coparán los puestos de responsabilidad política, de poder político. Además de copar muchos otros tipos de posición. Los seres humanos "puros" quedarán relegados más y más, y puede llegar el momento en que no sirvan, sencillamente, para nada.

Eso no significa que desaparezcan ni que sean eliminados. Quizá encuentran un sentido adecuado para sus vidas, usando o sin usar premisas falsas o ilusiones. Y desde luego yo confío en que el progreso moral de la humanidad no se detenga con nuestros descendientes, con lo que creo sinceramente que muchos de ellos ni se plantearán la posibilidad de dañar o esterilizar a otro sofonte sin que sea absolutamente necesario.

• Cierto tipo de "inmortalidad" es una consecuencia inevitable de esta dinámica.

Evidentemente, si podemos trasladar fácilmente una mente humana a otro recipiente (sea un cuerpo humano más joven, un cuerpo animal, un cuerpo robótico o un espacio virtual), hemos resuelto al menos básicamente el problema de la muerte por vejez y degeneración del cuerpo original. Es decir, somos "inmortales".

Esa inmortalidad no descarta, claro está, la muerte por homicidio o accidente, por enfermedades de desarrollo muy rápido o por suicidio. La gente seguirá muriendo. Simplemente, no tanta, y no tan rápido, como ahora.

Mucho más discutible que todo esto, son las fechas en que se producirá cada avance.

• Las primeras inteligencias artificiales capaces de superar el "Test de Turing" podrían existir dentro de unas décadas, o retrasarse unos (pocos) siglos.
• La selección genética de humanos y animales ya es posible, pero sólo a un nivel muy primitivo. Sin embargo, ya tenemos el genoma humano y hemos identificado (¿algunas de?) las funciones de algunos genes. Los primeros seres humanos con genes artificiales parecen ser cosa de pocas o muchas décadas, pero no de siglos. Y los animales seguirán poco después, si es que no acabamos experimentando antes con ellos por motivos morales.
• Desde hace milenios que existen prótesis no articuladas, y probablemente (no lo sé) también articuladas. Una prótesis activa, es decir que consume energía por sí misma, es sin embargo una novedad de los años 50 (estoy contando el marcapasos, si alguien conoce un ejemplo más antiguo, agradeceré la información). Ya existen interfaces entre neurona y chip, asi como lecturas (muy bastas aún) del pensamiento para controlar máquinas. Ya hemos vivido la existencia del primer "cyborg mental", es decir una persona cuyos implantes cibernéticos afectan directamente y/o están controlados directamente por su mente: Matt Nagle. Me parecería innecesariamente conservador afirmar que tardaremos más de muy pocas décadas, en conseguir que esto sea relativamente "normal" (para enfermos, al menos al comienzo).

Parece por tanto que las primeras personas "no completamente humanas", dejando de lado a quienes están entre nosotros ya desde hace siglos o décadas (diente artificial, marcapasos), van a ser relativamente normales en cuestión de pocas décadas, en una carrera entre los cyborgs cada vez más avanzados y los animales o seres humanos "aumentados". Poco después llegarán las Inteligencias Artificiales "puras".

Todo lo que he enunciado es concebible ahora mismo, usa tecnología que no tenemos pero que podemos concebir, y que no parece que vaya a tener dificultades ocultas y decisivas[2]. Esto es más de lo que pudo decir un sabio del S. XV sobre muchas cosas que hoy en día hacemos a diario, desde enviar dinero a la velocidad de la luz a la otra parte del planeta, pasando por simular en un acelerador las condiciones del universo hace 13 millardos de años. Al pobre sabio habría que explicarle, en muchos casos, qué es lo que se está haciendo, antes de que se pudiera asombrar por el hecho de que podamos hacerlo (¿"acelerador... de... partículas"?).

Partiendo de esa idea, me atrevo a suponer que, salvo que nuestra civilización sufra un desastre global "absoluto" (mucho más grave que el ya gravísimo desastre climático que podemos prever), dentro de cinco siglos ya tendremos todos estos tipos de personas pululuando por ahí.

Si para entonces el racismo interhumano no ha desaparecido ya, desaparecerá como consecuencia de esto. Toda posible diferencia percibida entre un esquimal y un tutsi palidece al lado de las diferencias con una nube de nanorobots con mente de perro inteligente.

Todo será que no repitamos, a nivel interespecie, los mismos errores cometidos a nivel intraespecie.

[2] Efectivamente, no estoy de acuerdo con Roger Penrose, y me atrevo a decir que sobre el tema concreto (la Inteligencia Artificial) este magnífico cosmólogo no sabe mucho más que yo. Resulta que es un tema que me toca bastante de cerca. He leído su libro "La Nueva Mente del Emperador" y me ha parecido diletante, dicho sea con todo respeto por su autoridad indiscutible en otros temas.

]]> http://consumeist.wordpress.com/?p=258 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 21:07:19 +0000 consumist http://consumeist.wordpress.com/?p=258 Their chests rise and fall and you can hear a tiny heartbeat, but these babies for sale over the internet are not alive.  http://stuff.co.nz/4622047a19716.html

Uh, now this is a bit odd. These do appear to be very life like, to the point that Police in Australia broke into a car because they thought a child had been left in there unattended. But hey, each to their own!

I wonder what they will be like when Honda gets hold of them, combine this life like 'husk' on a sophisticated robotic 'skelleton' some of the now less obscure technology that combines biology with machinery and you have...

Saya sangat kagum atas sebuah teknologi semakin maju saja. Hebat !! Dan sekolah saya berhasil ke Singapur menunjukan kebolehannya. Saya melihat presentasinya.

Jika anda mau mencoba programnya Search di Google "SKY ROBO" sebuah program untuk menciptakan sebuah robot.

BERITA INI AKAN DI-UPDATE LAGY !!

Salam,
Glenn Rumindo
(18/Juli/2008)

Le site HK Mania nous présente ces films et le contenu des DVD.

Image via Wikipedia

Let us go further and see what is already possible :

• knee replacement
• hip replacement
• artificial limbs
• artificial organs
• breast implants like Pamela Anderson
• an artificial penis

That is a whole lot of artificial stuff to put in a human.

But there is more :

• neural implants to move arm
• retina microchip
• a monkey feeds itself using its brain, yes, reading our brain(1) (2)(3)
• controlling our brain : implants to cure depression
• virtually walking
• and to cure cancer and the like :a chemical brain to control nanobots
• and inevitably al lot of ways to build a better soldier

It seems we are well on our way to become cyborgs !

Come out a couple of years back and always wanted to read these. Going to read the first one soon and I'll post and tell what I think. Anyone else read these then comment and tell me what you thought ;).

El manga de cyborg kurochan creado por Naoki Yokoushi.

Este manga no puede ser localizado por internet ya que esta licenciado. Sólo estan disponibles 4 capítulos en inglés del primer tomo.

Los he traducido y subido a mi blog por si lo desean!

http://hellsingnice.blogspot.com

Another thing I find interesting: notice how much sex and porn just gets harder to separate as years pass by? I am of course talking about teledildonics and all the discourse and technology surrounding it. So at the same time, we get sex more and more separated from love, and more and more integrated with porn, and at the same time porn gets more and more pervasive and becomes another leisure ideology, casual and daily. On the other hand, marriage becomes more and more of a horrific thing as bad sex leads to bad love. Now here is an irony: sexual revolution was a thing of the sixties with all the "free love" agenda. Sadly, we only took one aspect of the legacy and forgot the rest. We took the practices alone yet enjoyed ideological dominance all the same, if not even more.

Perhaps that is why we tend to find animals, monsters, and robots sexier and sexier by the day. I am seriously suspicious that at least one of the reasons is that they cannot love (yes, I know people who marry those non-human others, but I won't develop a discussion on that now). They are purely sexual, non-emotional others -- cyborg others, if we are to take the Macy Conferences on Cybernetics as any indication of how the cyborg came to be, as Katherine Hayles noted. Cybernetic organisms cannot love. They can only enjoy. As the society of discipline represses sexuality as an animal-like excess of the human, the society of control represses love as a human-like excess of the cyborg.

Let's admit it, there's always a weird exhibitionist dimension in social network profile pictures flaunting love that is different from and exceeds those of online porn. It is because our non-loving avatars have become us. The geek typing in front of the monitor is his avatar.

June 30, 2008 Rain’s Fan Meeting in Japan held at the Tokyo JCB center

R = RAIN

R: (said in Japanese) How are you, thank you for coming today.

MC: Long time no see, what have you been busy doing?

R: Because of “Speed Racer” and “Ninja Assassin” movie shooting so I couldn’t visit Japan. It has been a year I couldn’t see my Japanese fans, I don’t know what I can do for everyone so I decided to hold this fan meeting as a gift to my fans.

MC: Seem like you had gotten thinner?

R: Yes, because I had to shoot “Ninja Assassin” I lose 10kg of weight. The movie shooting had finished so I planned to adjust my body.

MC: It was said the movie shooting ended and you will release an album?

R: We estimated the new album to be release on October or maybe earlier on September. I planned to have activities in Seoul, Japan and China for a month, please look forward to it.

MC: Is this fan meeting free admission? Is new? How is it?

R: I saved up some money (smiled) so I decided to use it for this fan meeting as a gift to my fans.

Hyongi: Everyone applause for Rain, clap your hands!
R: Thank you.

MC: Seem like you saved up a lot of money (smiled), what are your activity plans in Japan?

R: From now on I wanted to present many good works to everyone. Not only English and Korean album, I also wanted to produce a Japanese album. Because of the activities in Hollywood and album activities in the World, I am sorry I couldn’t always meet with everyone. Since I am still young I wanted to try out many things (smiled). From now on I will work hard on Japan activities, please show your support.

Q: I heard there were love scene in the movie “Ninja Assassin”
R: The movie's central parts were the action scenes but also with some sad parts. I only can reveal a little, I had a crying scene, please look forward to it.

Q: You have been active for a year, what were some things that you felt you have changed?
R: I think lines in my forehead increased (smiled), I probably grew up a lot.

Q: More specific?
R: I felt more confident. Even though my Hollywood movie have not officially released yet. I had to live alone left my friends but I had serious thoughts on every little things. Then, I missed my fans in Asia. I chose the path that is not easy, I chose this path to challenge myself. In “Ninja Assassin” you will see my spirit of challenge. For example, you knew I love to eat, because of body training I could only eat chicken breast and vegetable, I am not allow to eat other food. Before I came here, I finally satisfied that I ate a regular meal, that difficult. (in Japanese) honto (smiled).

Q: Did your schedule in Japan engage in nationwide activities? You are not going to Fukuoka?
R: I have not decided yet, I am not confirmed with the places but if there were supporters I will go.

Q: How did you survive the difficulties such as loneliness where you can’t meet your friends and the meal restrictions?
R: 3 things. First is my family. Family always been my power. Then is my pride. I hope to become my supporters’ proud. Like before, when I had activities in Korea or Asia possible that I can live more relaxed, going to America is a new challenge in my life. If my fans feel proud because supporting me it will make me feel proud of myself as well. Lastly is my ambition, I wanted to gain the victory feeling and challenge myself into the next level.

Q: What were the differences between Korean movie and Hollywood movie?
R: The passion of the movie from the directors and the staffs are the same in Korea and Hollywood. However, the capital investments of the two were different.

Q: Can you tell a little story about your “Speed Racer” colleagues?
R: Susan Sarandon, I respected her since I was young. I was happy to meet her in real person. Her son is the same age as me, such relationship was special to me. When I was still learning English and everybody instructed me kindly. Especially Susan, it was a very happy time. I still felt like to dream when I had the chance to work with many famous actors.

Because of the “Ninja Assassin” role, Rain had lose 10kg of weight. It was said that after the movie ended, he will produce a Korean album and will engage in activities in Japan and China.

END.

Taken from www.Rain-America.com

Well as sure as eggs are eggs, and newts are nothing more than frogs

with attitude, the inevitable occurred: Lionel’s inexperience with affairs

pertaining to any activity that involves a mind-set that is well-versed in

the intricacies and dynamism of the science-fiction genre once more

brought forth the best in him, and he said something quite remarkable –

especially for one whose idea of a good time is painting roundels on toy

dirigibles, and sucking the contents out of pies.

***

“Don’t be so bloomin’ daft.” Came Boney’s response to Lionel’s

suggestion that they gather up all the weaponry that belonged to the (now

absent) soldiers, and attack the Overmind with a ferocity not witnessed

since the emetic War of The Pansies, “Don’t ya think the soldiers

themselves might ‘o tried that already?”

Lionel spent perhaps a half-heartbeat cogitating. He replied, “Did you

hear any shooting?”

Boney wasted no time at all cogitating: He had a ready-made response

up his metaphorical sleeve. “I’m old and partially deaf: Of course I didn’t

hear no shootin’, hoopin’, hollarin’, or nothin’. Don’t mean that it didn’t

‘appen though.”

171

The argument was good, Lionel could tell: The others were nodding in

clear agreement with their employer. But since Boney paid no wages,

Lionel felt that such a display of obsequiousness was unwarranted.

“Did anyone hear any shooting? Has anyone slipped on countless spent

cartridges and bullet casings? Does the aroma of cordite waft through the

endless corridors of The Where House like a stench-filled miasma? In

fact is there any evidence at all that a single soldier put up any sort of

resistance – however feeble and ineffective?”

It was a long sentence – especially for a hamster. Lionel had to sit down

to recover. This gave the others time to consider his words.

“Jeepers, Boney,” Fanangy sounded shrill, “Lionel’s right: My delicate

ears could catch a pincushion deflating from four hundred paces: I didn’t

hear anything. Ergo – there was no attempt to destroy the Overmind.”

“Arseholes.” Boney bellowed as best he could with a biscuit between his

teeth, and a fast-approaching cup of tea about to scald his lips, “we aint

gonna waste our time attackin’ that thing, and that’s an end to it!”

***

It’s surprising how wielding a deadly assault rifle for the first time can

alter one’s perspective, thought Lionel, as he crept stealthily along the

172

corridor. Whereas, normally, I would run fifteen kilometers to avoid a

fight – even a small punch-up with a comatose dormouse – with this thing

in my paws I feel as though I could take on an army of merciless soldier

ants and a platoon of termite guards all by myself. And blindfolded too!

But, of course, Lionel was neither alone, nor blindfolded. Behind him

crept Fanangy, Colin, and Boney – all armed with the appallingly

destructive tools of the Tadgerstone Rifles. They had even been able to

rouse Sergeant Tonks: And it was with her military expertise that they

intended to attack The Overmind.

“If that monster in there reckons it can absorb us into its evil embrace –

well it’s got another thing coming!” Fanangy stated boldly.

“Damned right!” Tonks agreed with surprising vehemence –

particularly for someone who hadn’t actually seen any combat, except on

television, and in cartoon form. “Let’s kick ass!”

With that Tonks let out a banshee screech, which hurt Fanangy’s ears,

shook loose several ceiling tiles, and caused a neglected rubber plant to

wilt so alarmingly that a startled Colin emptied several rounds into the

plastic flowerpot in which it lived – and died. Then she ran straight at the

door that led to the Sentinel Robot bay, firing from the hip as she did so.

173

Assuming that this was normal Tadgerstone Rifles practice, the others

followed suit. So it was a major miracle (which would later turn The

Where House into a shrine to The Saint of All Hamsters) that no one was

seriously hurt. In fact no one was even slightly hurt. In fact no one’s rifles

would fire. Colin’s was out of ammunition: And the others didn’t know

how to turn the ‘safeties’ off. So when they burst into the room, a

surprised Overmind found that it had no need to deploy its electro-

magnetic defensive shield because the only active weapon was being

wielded by a pen-pusher who couldn’t hit the trunk of a rhubarb tree with

the end of her snout from a range of three millimeters.

“Yikes.” Squeaked Tonks, as she turned about, and collided with the

others as they entered, “Scarper: Quick!”

So the last thing that the fleeing hamsters heard as they scurried, like a

swarm of thirsty rats on Warfarin, toward the elevator, was “What the

fluffing heck was that all about?” booming behind them.

***

For the confused and terrified hamsters the elevator couldn’t descend

quickly enough. They wailed loudly for the entire descent from the top

level to the bottom – pausing only long enough to takes breaths, and to

fend off the anti-mould ministrations of the elevator snail.

174

Only when they tumbled from the claustrophobic box did they finally

come to their senses.

“There,” Boney complained in the grumpiest of his wide repertoire of

grumpy tones, “I told ya it wasn’t a good idea attacking that thing. Now

look at us: Dispossessed we are: Forced to grovel in the filth of the lower

levels like a bunch of furry cockroaches. Talkin’ of which – do you lot

think it smells a bit pissy down ‘ere?”

Their recent horrors momentarily placed to one side, everyone began

scenting the air with their sensitive rodent noses. It did indeed smell

‘pissy’. But not the sort of ‘pissy’ one would associate with cockroaches.

“Hamster piss.” Tonks exclaimed. “And one of us I’d wager. I know the

stench of real fear: And that’s it. Is there a toilet on this level?”

Lionel wasn’t one for using lower level latrines: He preferred the

friendly Piss Bowl just inside the Artifact Store: But he’d made it his

business to know the location of every lavatory – just in case he got

caught short. So it was mere paw-full of seconds before they all stood

inside the unisex latrines so popular in Hamster France, and which Boney

had been able to obtain at almost half-price from a Hamster French

restaurant in Gerbils Ruin that was going out of business because the

Hamster British had an aversion to eating pet snails.

175

“I never liked this type of loo.” Tonks informed everyone, “I was always

afraid that some pervert would show me his willy – and then blame me

for looking!”

“Oh I know what you mean.” Colin consoled Tonks, “It almost

happened to me once. But I was lucky: I was disguised as a tadpole at the

time.”

But this was by-the-by, and the sergeant knew it. “So…lets find out

what the pong’s all about, shall we?”

***

It didn’t take long to discover the source of the acidic aroma. With the

exception of one, all the cubicle doors hung open. So all that was required

was that someone bend down and peer under the door – which naturally

they all did, as is the way with rodents in general, and thrill-seeking

hamsters in particular.

The apparition that greeted them was not particularly enthralling. Even

so Tonks was shaken ridged. The sight of her commanding officer

attempting to blow dry his underpants using nothing more than his own

fetid breath and flapping shirt did nothing to calm her frayed nerves.

“Would you look a that.” Colin said in his usual calm manner. “It’s one

of those perverts you were talking about.”

“That’s Major Hardcourt-Gymp!” Lionel ejaculated unnecessarily,
176

because everyone was perfectly aware whose soiled underpants the

Major had attempted to wash in the lavatory bowl.

“Gee-whiz.” Fanangy breathed, “Doesn’t this suggest that some form of

military crime has been perpetrated? ‘Cowardice in the face of the

enemy’? ‘Desertion of post’? ‘Poor bladder control when confronted by

extreme unpleasantness’, or something?”

Indeed it did, and before long a chagrined Hardcourt-Gymp slunk from

the cubicle like a naughty bank vole, with only his peaked cap to maintain

his modesty.

“I suppose my military career lies in ruins?” He asked, praying that no

one detected the hopeful tone in his voice that he couldn’t quite manage

to hide.

“Deserting your post, Sir? I’d say so.” Tonks said as she gave him the

evil eye. “Why did you do it?”

Gymp seemed to sag like a deflating blimp. “You must understand - I

never sought command.” He explained, “It was forced upon me. I wanted

to be an ice-cream dispensing technician upon Chunderland Seafront: But

my father had the ear of the General’s wife…and she carried even greater

weight with the Officer-Commissioning Board than she carried around

her midriff. I was at their mercy – something of which they were

177

singularly bereft. So here I am – a miserable cur with only half a uniform

and urine-soaked underpants. But I beg you to understand - when I

saw how that…thing absorbed my riflehamsters - well it turned my

bowels to jelly, and my legs to lemon curd. I simply couldn’t control my

bladder. I panicked. By the time I found an unlocked toilet I was all the

way down here. Then I realized that I was safe, and set about cleaning my

pants. The rest is history.”

No one quite knew how to react to such a sad tale. So Lionel asked,

“What was it like? Your riflemen being absorbed, I mean.”

Well the Major’s narrative brought tears to his listener’s eyes. He told

them of how his industrious little combat veterans had been busy

rounding up the Sentinel Robots in preparation for their disassembly – as

scientists intended to probe their inner workings for any alien infiltration

- when Lance Corporal Toni Bastardo (on an exchange visit from the

armed forces of the King of Hamster Spain) drove into the bay with his

three-wheel-drive low-loader go-kart, which was stacked to the gunnels

with canisters of Smart Gas intended for secret burial beneath The Where

House. Unfortunately in Hamster Spain the go-kart steering strings work

in reverse. To turn left, the driver must pull the right string, and vice-

versa.

178

Unfamiliar with Hamster British go-karts, Lance Corporal

Bastardo pulled the wrong string, and collided with a huge vat of gravy

that had been simmering all morning in preparation for the riflehamster’s

mid-day meal. This in itself would not have been considered calamitous:

Gravy is replaceable after all: But unfortunately one of the gas canisters

was catapulted from the low-loader into the gravy, where it made a

terrible din as it rattled against the side of the receptacle. Alpha One

Sentinel Robot, sensing an incursion, then panicked, and set about the

gravy in search of the canister. The riflehamsters, unable to intercede on

the gravy’s behalf, stood back and watched as Alpha One found what it

sought. Having done so, they then reared back in alarm as Alpha One

dropped the greasy canister on to the hard concrete floor. The valve was

knocked clean off, and the gas allowed to fill the room. Well Smart Gas

being Smart Gas, it quickly assumed control of everyone there, including

the robots, and the computer access panel, and instantly formed the bio-

electronic Overmind that was now so familiar to everyone.

“And you know this because…? Colin inquired, hardly able to believe

his pseudo-hamster ears.

“I was looking through the window.” Gymp confessed. “Then I ran.”

“Well that’d explain where my robots got to.” Boney mumbled.

179

“Bloomin’ army.” He added.

“One thing is clear,” Lionel appeared to say calmly, though inside his

gut churned like a Mister Whopper ice cream squirting device, “we must

bring to an end the most malignant of threats this town has ever faced.

And that includes the massive poo-machine from the alternate

dimension.”

Hesitantly everyone agreed, and so made off for the Artifact Store in

search of advanced super-weaponry.

***

Meanwhile the Overmind had been busy creating all sorts of stuff to

further its needs. “Power!” It boomed even more loudly than before, “I

must have more power!”

***

Several kilometers distant, in the power station that supplied Gerbils

Ruin and nearby villages, an engineer noticed that power demand was

increasing exponentially.

“Blimey,” he said to no one in particular, “it must be tea-break time down

at the custard factory.”

Having done so, he twisted a dial, and duly fed the voracious demand of

the hideous manifestation inside The Where House.

180

Time came and went, and the hamster’s search inside the Artifact Store

was coming up empty. There simply was no advanced super-weaponry

hidden there.

“I could’a told ya that.” Boney complained, “But ya wouldn’t listen.”

“By the Saint of All Hamsters,” wailed Gymp, “What are we to do? It’s

all my fault. If only I’d been supervising Bastardo when the dozy cretin

sailed in all care-free and nonchalant…. Perhaps if I hadn’t popped

outside for a quick suck on my pipe, a rummage through my underwear,

and a nibble of lettuce sandwich….”

Then his absent-minded finger found a depression in the side of a random

and unprepossessing artifact. “Oh, I say - I wonder what this does?”

“Don’t touch tha…” Began Boney. But it was too late: The major’s digit

made contact with some unearthly thingamy, and everyone’s trousers

grew massive flares; their fur took on a distinctly pink-afro look, and star-

shaped sun glasses magically appeared upon their surprised snouts.

“Lovely.” Said Colin as he regarded his appearance in Lionel’s mirror-

shades. “This certainly takes me back. But we can’t stay like this: We’d

all become social pariahs before the week was out. Perhaps you should

try pressing that little wotsit once again.” He suggested to Gymp.

Keen to rid himself of the appalling apparel, Gymp did as he was bid.

181

But when a sombrero appeared upon his head, and a heavy poncho

dragged at his feeble shoulders, we wished that he hadn’t. He consoled

himself with the thought that ‘at least it hides my personal doo-dah from

all and sundry’.

***

But it wasn’t to last: A nervous twitch made everything change again.

The result of which made everyone twitch. Because they suddenly found

themselves clothed in tight-fitting leotards, with tasteless sequins and

lacey adornments. Worse still was the fact that they bore a multi-coloured

hoop design that would have made even the most undiscerning hamster

retch, and its owner gag with embarrassment.

“Press the button again!” They all cried, “For the sake of the Great

Angler Herself – press the button again!” Then they all fought him for

possession of the artifact, which fortunately caused his wayward digits to

find the depression once again.

***

Abruptly normality resumed, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief –

even Gymp, who once more wore his hat in a location for which it was

never intended.

“Yee-hah; that sure was something!” Fanangy cheered – gleeful now

182

that the threat had passed.

“Throw it away.” Boney urged – still uncertain. “Nothing good can

come from it.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Lionel said as he gingerly inspected the non-descript

artifact, which looked like nothing in particular, and possessed nothing in

the way of a fascinating hue or texture, and was, in essence, the epitome

of the most utterly prosaic. To the young, gangling, youth it was just an

ordinary approximation of a prolapsed spheroid, with dents in it – the like

of which you might find at any stationers, scented candle emporium, or

public bath.

He handed it to the resident android. “You used to live in Area Ninety-

nine, and you know all about real-life science-fictiony stuff, Colin: Any

idea what it is?”

Colin could indeed identify the device. He’d used it many times during

his period of mistaken incarceration within the abandoned Area Ninety-

nine. He then explained that the device was a children’s toy from a super-

advanced civilization in Ursa Minor. It was purely an entertainment form,

and was entirely harmless. Although it appeared to alter the fabric of

reality, in truth those appearances were entirely artificial. Simply put – it

altered the user’s perception – allowing them so see different versions of

183

historical dress from a vast array of eras, and from many worlds.

“Ah,” Lionel comprehended in an instant, “I thought I recognized that

last form of dress: It came from the Romantic Twat era. You must

remember that, Boney: You would have been a youngster of

approximately my age about then.”

“I don’t remember nothin’.” Boney grunted in response. “And don’t go

tryin’ to hypnotize me: I’ve buried those recollections so deep that it’d

take a team of coal miners to dig it out.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” Interrupted Tonks, “But how does this help us with

the insistent threat conveyed by the Overmind upstairs?”

“Well it’s funny you should say that: It might surprise you to know that

I may have an answer to that question. ” Lionel winked, then tapped the

side of his snout knowingly. “Let’s take another look at this little gizmo,

shall we?”

Lionel didn’t see Fanangy’s gaze of utter adoration. If he had he might

have kept his mouth shut. But it was too late now. Much too late…

The Where House © Created & Written by Paul T Nolan

paulnolan1701@hotmail.com

More info. you can check in www.Rain-America.com

Ink and colour pencil on copier paper. Drawn in 1993.

The drawing style follows that in my previous entry - Crimson Phantom. Did you notice the typewritten fonts at the top? I just got my first typewriter (PC was still not common then) and was very excited on being able to generate 'professional' looking letterings on my artwork.

Back to the character design - Launcher is a cyborg who can launch missiles and bullets from his arms, hence the name. Nothing really special lah, it came from the imagination of a secondary one boy mah.

Technorati Tags: alvinology, a4alvin, alvin lim, original character, comic drawing, comic character, crimsom phantom, launcher, firearms, cyborg, typewriter, typewritten text

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KBS News - Actor and singer Rain (Jung Ji-hoon, 26) has been in Berlin filming a movie, but he will be flying to Tokyo, Japan on the 30th for a free admission meeting with his fans at JCB Hall. His agency, J.Tune Entertainment, recently posted photographs of the celebrity on his website.

Rain is in Berlin, Germany, for the filming of the upcoming Joel Silver & Wachowski Brothers flick, "Ninja Assassin," directed by James McTeigue. They are running on a grueling schedule, spending over ten hours a day in action, hoping to wrap the shoot by the end of this month or early June.

Rain's agent in Berlin said that during the day off that the celebrity gets per week, he spends it resting at home or sometimes ventures out to watch a movie.  "Rain is making preparations for the fan event in Japan whenever he has the time," his agent added. "He's very excited to stand in front of his fans again."

Taken from www.Rain-America.com