"Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other."
- Rene Yasenek

Apparently when Robert Mugabe was told that Bob Marley would perform at his swearing-in as Zimbabwe's prime minister in 1980 (where Marley eventually performed his song "Zimbabwe"), Mugabe complained that Marley was too scruffy and suggested that "the perennially wholesome Cliff Richard" would be a better act. Thankfully he was overruled. BTW, I wonder what Mugabe would make of Marley's son, Damian, who collaborated with New York rapper Nas on a song, "Road to Zion," where Nas rhymes about Mugabe "holding guns to innocent bodies." [I spotted the telling anecdote -- about Mugabe's real politics -- in journalist Andrew Meldrum's book Where We Have Hope: A Memoir of Zimbabwe, a bit of a plodding read, which I have to review.]

The author  wishes to thank the police personnel of the Bali Tourist Police, Kuta and in particular: AIPTU I Wayan Wira, BRIPKA Yuni Rahayu, AIPDA I Nyoman Sudata and AIPTU Ayu Mulyati for their kind assistance.

We’re all going on a summer holiday
No more working for a week or two
Fun and laughter on a summer holiday
No more worries for me and you
For a week or two

We’re going where the sun shines brightly
We’re going where the sea is blue
We’ve seen it in the movies
Now let’s see if it’s true

Everybody has a summer holiday
Doing things they always wanted to
So we’re going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you

-Cliff Richard, Summer Holiday

Holidays can be a life changing experience especially if one is either raped or had money/belongings stolen. The Bali Times has often carried reports of tourists losing their belongings to tricksters prowling the streets of Kuta.

Tourists are flocking to Bali like never before. The good times are rolling once again. And with these good times come a number of undesirables who prey on the unsuspecting holidaymakers.

Just the other day while lounging with a few Kuta Cowboys on Kuta beach discussing the pros and cons of whether marriage is an acceptable option if a single woman became  pregnant we were interrupted by a uniformed policeman who sat down next to us. He was an officer of the Bali Tourist Police. I struck up a conversation with him and before I knew it we were on our way to the Post to meet the officer in charge.

The Police Post is a short walk from Macdonald’s towards the Legian beach hotel. Arriving at the office I was offered a Bali Kopi and introduced to AIPTU I Wayan Wira. The unassuming chap was most helpful when I enquired about the work that he and his staff are doing. He told me that their job covered the following:

01.    Giving information to tourists about legal, medical and other services.
02.    To guard tourist areas.
03.    To track down and arrest any criminals masquerading as tourists.
04.    To cooperate with tourists and help them in the event of an accident/theft/murder/problem with hotels etc.

Not convinced that this list covered everything I requested Wayan Wira to give me a more detailed dos and don’ts for all tourists and expats living on the island. This is what he had to say.

01.    There have been instances where persons hiring out scooters/motorcycles/cars to tourists have asked for their passport as security. This should not be done. Instead a photocopy of the same would suffice.
02.    Anyone hiring a vehicle must have an international driving license.
03.    When transacting business at a Money Changer one must check the amount received. There are cases where people have been cheated because the Rupiah 10,000 note and the Rupiah 100,000 look quite similar. Once the victim has left the premises there is little the police can do.
04.    When using a taxi please write down the taxi number and the driver’s name. This would help in the event any belongings have been left behind in the car or if the driver has overcharged you.
05.    When using an ATM ensure no one else is in the booth. Don’t forget to take your ATM card out of the machine. Tourists have been known to sometimes leave their card behind in the machine. The result being a forgone conclusion – theft.
06.    In the past pickpockets operated with impunity on the beach. Nowadays with the arrest of the ringleaders crime in this area has come down drastically. In spite of this Wayan suggests one should not leave one’s belongings unattended for even a minute.
07.     Drunkenness is a common feature with over indulgent tourists. Prostitutes operating in various places single out these people and befriend them. It is only the following morning that the person realizes that his wallet/passport and other precious belongings have been pilfered.
08.    Any persons trying to sell drugs to you should be reported to the police immediately. Please don’t be afraid of reporting such instances.  The police have special squads to quickly act on such information and to apprehend the dealers. You will be protected by the police.
09.    Do not accept cigarettes, food or drink from strangers. In a restaurant don’t leave an unattended drink on the table while going to the toilet. Unscrupulous people are known to put substances in your drink to drug you and then rob you.
10.    Get a local cell phone number so that it is easier and cheaper to communicate with the police.
11.    Please keep the following telephone numbers of the Bali Tourist Police with you while traveling in Bali:

Kuta Tourist Police Post
Jalan Pantai Kuta
(0361) 7845988

Sanur Tourist Police Post
BK3S Post, Jalan Danau Tamblingan
(next to Bali Hyatt Hotel, Sanur)
(0361) 8531960

Nusa Dua Tourist Police Post
Bundaran Tugu Mandala Kawasan BTDC Nusa Dua
(0361) 7442622

Ngurah Rai Airport Tourist Police
Airport Police Sector Ngurah Rai
(0361) 751 023

Tourist Assistance Centre
Bali Regional Police
(0361) 224111

The tourist police who speak English have been known to help tourists who have had problems with hotels, tour operators and transport agents.

Jason (name changed), a first time tourist, spoke to me on Kuta Beach about how he was grossly overcharged by a nearby hotel despite the fact that the room rate was confirmed via email to him prior to his arrival in Bali. The hotel went so far as to seize his luggage. Jason reported the matter to the Tourist Police who acted promptly in releasing his luggage and ensuring that the hotel abided by the rate agreed by email.

So whether you are on Kuta beach, at the airport or sunbathing anywhere in Bali you’re rights as a tourist are protected. All you have to do in the event of an unforeseen problem arising is to call The Bali Tourist Police and they will sort things out for you.

In the words of Wayan Wira, “People are known to take short cuts by attempting to bribe officials or police personnel. This is very dangerous. It could lead to more complications. If anyone has a problem while traveling in Bali please call us we will help and guide you. We are with you, for you, always – as our motto is Safety First for All Tourists – domestic or foreign”.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om

El 30 de Junio de 1990 en Knebworth (Hertfordshire), para ayudar al centro de terapia musial (musicoterapia) Nordoff-Robbins para niños discapacitados y para la Brit school, se reunieron en un legendario evento, muchos de los grandes artistas del Rock Británico. Acudieron más de 120.000 fans de todas partes del mundo... un concierto histórico...

El espectáculo comenzaba con la actuación de Tears for Fears, a pesar de la lluvia, aquello estaba a rebosar y nada mejor que uno de los mejores grupos de New Wave para comenzar... nada menos que con Change, una gran canción, aunque algo paradita, quizá debieron empezar con algo más contundente. Aun así, demostraron ser grandes, un directo envidiable. Con Badman's Song se metieron al público en el bolsillo, su lado mas Jazz salió a la luz y sobre todo destacar el precioso duo con la pianista... fabuloso. Para terminar su actuación, eligieron una de sus canciones más conocidas Everybody want's to rule the world; muy fresca, pegadiza y de ritmo optimista, un ambiente inmejorable. Broche de oro para su actuación!

Cliff Richard & The Shadows eran los siguientes en salir a escena, muy colorista y llamativo. Aquello prometía, buenos músicos, mítico cantante, sencillez, frescura, en su esencia y sin pretensiones, así fue On the beach, el tema elegido para arrancar. Lo mejor estaba por llegar con Good golly Miss Molly, Rock n' Roll en estado puro, como en los 60' pero en los 90', pudimos ver a un Cliff Richard emocionadísimo, dándolo todo y sin sacrificar voz, estaba en plena forma a pesar de su edad, genial. We don't talk anymore fue recibida con una ola de los fans, pasabamos de un Rock n' Roll a un ritmo más Beat. Divertidísima, llena de "buen rollo", contagioso a pesar de que lo vi en DVD!

Era el turno de Phil Collins & The Serious Band, que comenzó con in the air tonight... una esperada entrada, sereno, tranquilo, elegante, minimalista... y la pasión surge cuando se levanta y agarra con fuerza las baquetas y vemos algo impresionante, un maestro... Con Sussudio acababa su breve programa, una canción muy festiva, gran ritmo y melodía, destacar que la partitura del bajo era genial, breve sí, pero muy intenso.

Más larga fue la actuación de Paul McCartney, que comenzó con Coming up, ya estaba anocheciendo, la atmosfera era óptima, bonito juego de luces y una voz ya desgarrada... se mostró algo frío, o esa fue mi sensación, pero al fin y al cabo, es una leyenda de los escenarios... Birthday fue la siguiente canción, algo más animada que la anterior, pero el momento de la noche llegaría con la mítica Hey Jude, se nota el sentimiento especial tanto de McCartney como de los fans a esta canción, fue un momento mágico. El público ya estaba satisfecho y mucho más contento gracias a la actuación final... Can't buy my love, uno de los temas más animados, la mejor elección para acabar la velada!

Al día siguiente, los encargados de abrir el escenario de Knebworth fueron los geniales Status Quo, que personalmente, fue una de las mejores actuaciones del festival y es que están en plena forma y tienen un directo que supera a las grabaciones en estudio si cabe. Comenzaron con su mayor éxito, Whatever you want, Ritmo, buen ambiente, explosión de vitalidad... Mantuvieron esta sintonía también en Rockin' all over the world y Dirty water... Acabando con otra de sus canciones estrella: In the army now. ¡Fabuloso!

El siguiente en aparecer en escena era el Maestro Eric Clapton, que sóbriamente deleito a los fans con Before you accuse me y Tearin' us apart, demostró su genio en la guitarra y dejó claro por qué Slowhand es considerado uno de los mejores guitarristas de Rock de todos los tiempos.

Sin que Eric Clapton saliera del escenario, entraron  Dire Straits con Mark Knopfler a la cabeza, Clapton se quedó con ellos para tocar temas como: Solid rock o Think I love you too much. Dire Straits espectaculares como de costumbre, con la humilde y marvillosa participación de Clapton, fue una combinación de maestros del rock inigualable... El repertorio de DIre Straits se cerraba con su éxito por excelencia Money for nothing:

El público no cabía en su asombro ante tal espectáculo... pero aún había más... era el turno de Elton John, siempre sereno en contraste con su estética ligéramente excéntrica. El momento más sentimental y romántico del día llegaba de su mano con Sacrifice, una de sus mejores baladas y con Sad Songs... dejaron al público emocionado al escuchar estas dos grandes canciones tocadas por tres grandes estrellas del Rock Británico. Era el fin de una jornada de música maravillosa.

Y el último día de este macro-concierto había llegado y el primero en actuar era el gran Robert Plant, voz de Led Zeppelin. La edad ya se notaba, trataba de ser el mismo, pero a pesar de que si fue una bonita actuación, se echaban de menos esas notas agudas a las que nos tenía acostumbrados, pero la pasión seguía teniéndola, y esto no se le puede reprochar. Además, dejando a un lado sus diferencias personales, a la guitarra pudimos ver a Jimmy Page en dos de las canciones, fue un "subidón" para todos escuchar de nuevo el electrizante sonido de Wearing & tearing y sobre todo Rock n' Roll, de las prodigiosas manos de Page.

Le tocaba a Genesis continuar el espectáculo y lo hizo con actuaciones como Mama o Throwing it all away. Volvíamos a tener a el gran Phil Collins sobre el escenario, en una actuación de tintes más rockeros y mucho más larga, pues la del primer día dejó a todos los que se trasladaron al festival con ganas de más. Lo mejor de su actuación, fue por supuesto el final. Turn it on again, una especie de remix de canciones tanto propias como de otras bandas de rock, las canciones que conformaron este remix fueron: Turn it on again(al principio y al final); Everybody needs somebody to love(The Blues Brothers); Reach out, I'll be there(Four Tops); Pinball Wizard (The Who) e In the midnight hour (Wilson Pickett).

Y la última actuación, la de los siempre brillantes y psicodélicos Pink Floyd, nadie mejor para poner fin a un gran festival que durante tres días reunióo a miles de personas y además con fines benéficos. Esta actuación fue simplemente maravillosa, no hay más descripción posible para este gran grupo que a día de hoy sigue ofreciendo espectáculo y calidad musical sin igual. Las canciones elegidas fueron únicamente dos: Shine on you crazy diamond, llena de sentimiento y Run like hell. La noche, las luces y las notas de Pink Floyd abrazaron al público. Un final inmejorable.

I did a bit of research

-out of boredom-

and found out that this song served its purpose when the famous musical "Summer Holiday" hit the UK silver screen in 1963.

A fabulous 60s Musical - 4 London Bus mechanics strike up a deal with London Transport. They do up a double decker London Bus, drive it around Europe as a hotel and if they make it they will own and be in charge of a whole fleet. While on the road in France they pick up 3 ladies whose car breaks down and offer to take them to their next singing job in Athens. They also pick up a stowaway. A young, American boy. Meanwhile, a young American female singer has gone missing. Her mother (who is a VERY ambitious woman) and her aid take the story to the press and it makes the front page. They do all they can to make the story run for as long as possible, including misdirecting the bus up an extremely steep Yugoslavian hill. We find out the young American boy is actually the young American girl who is missing. Mayhem ensues as the lead character, Don (Cliff Richard) falls for Barbara. Eventually, when the 8 bus riders reach Athens, they're arrested for kidnapping. In front of her mother and a Ballroom filled with world-press, Barbara and Don declare their love for each other and the mother accepts (after realising how 'big' Don will become). When the film ends, all eight people are at a Grecian beach and very much enjoying their well deserved holiday!

Ok there's the synopsis from www.imdb.com. As I was reading this another movie actually came to my mind: Mr. Bean's Holiday. The plot seems similar - there was that accidental kidnapping part as well. Well I guess Hollywood's just running out of ideas today. But let's admit it - they're earning bigger bucks these days.

Oh, I almost forgot. Here's the song.

  

Every year when I take my family away for our annual holiday I annoy them silly in a way only a Dad can by singing Cliff Richard's "Summer Holiday". Well this year I'm taking my wife and 4 boys, 22, 16 and 12 year old twins to the Reading Festival. In celebration I have rewritten Cliff's lyrics. (Yes I am annoying everyone yet again, it's my fatherly duty you know)

Reading Festival (Summer Holiday)

We’re all going to the Reading Festival,

No more washing for a day or two,

Lots of music at the Reading Festival,

Biffy and The Editors for me and you,

And Bloc Party too.

We’re going where the bands play loudly,

We’re going where you shit in a hole,

We’ve seen it on the telly,

It’s time to rock ‘n’ roll.

Everybody loves the Reading Festival,

Seeing bands we’ve always wanted too,

So we’re going to the Reading Festival,

To make our dreams come tr… ue

For a day or two

We’re hoping that the sun shines brightly,

We’re hoping that the music is loud,

We’ve seen it on the telly,

Now we’ll be in the crowd.

Repeat verse 2

These lyrics are the sole property of David Ross and are not to be be reproduced without his permission.

It's my habit to set the radio on a timer at night. I'd fall asleep on the easy-listening tunes that gently airs out into the dark room after I have turned in for the night. Last night the silky, sexy voice of Cliff Richard seeped to my earshot. Ocean Deep. The tune has been a weakness, a tear-jerker, a stinger. It was no more than just another catchy tune when I first heard it in the 80s, then the magnitude of its impact on me has inevitably grown as my dating life has become horrifyingly assimilated to the lyrics.

Love, can't you see I'm alone
Can't you give this fool a chance
A little love is all I ask - a little kindness
In the night
Please don't leave me behind
No - don't tell me love is blind
A little love is all I ask and that is all

Oh love I've been searching so long
I've been searching high and low
A little love is all I ask - a little sadness
When you're gone
Maybe you need a friend
Only please don't let's pretend
A little love is all I ask and that is all

I wanna spread my wings - but I just can't fly
As a string of pearls and pretty girls go sailing by

Ocean deep - I'm so afraid to show my feelings
I have sailed a million ceilings - in my -
Solitary room
Ocean deep - will I ever find a lover
Maybe she has found another
And as I cry myself to sleep
I know this love of mine Ill keep - ocean deep

Love can't you hear when I call
Can't you hear a word I say
A little love is all I ask
A little feeling when we touch
Why am I still alone?
I've got a heart without a home
A little love is all I ask - and that is all

I wanna spread my wings - but I just can't fly
As a string of pearls and pretty girls go sailing by

Ocean deep - I'm so afraid to show my feelings
I have sailed a million ceilings - in my -
Solitary room
Ocean deep - will I ever find a lover
Maybe she has found another
And as I cry myself to sleep
I know this love of mine Ill keep - ocean deep

I'm so lonely lonely lonely...
Maybe...

Don't worry--I didn't cry myself to sleep. :) It was just a reflection of reality--a call that I should no longer dwell on all the negatives of relationship. Without doubt man's heart is as deep as the ocean, and to find that special someone is like searching for a needle in an ocean. The song is just one of the many attributes in life that helps shape who I am. A beautiful song. Why is it that the most beautiful romantic tunes are always sad?

.

.

Number 666

Cliff Richard

"Living Doll"

(1959 & 1986)
Whenuapai

Entering on the Devil's Number 666 and no not Devil Woman (That was Number 739, but coincidentally ended up with a rating of 66.6 pts, i smell a conspiracy) is Cliff Richard with his first hit from 1959 "Living Doll". Living Doll was a Number 1 hit not only in 1959 but also again (With The Young Ones) in 1986.

The theme tune to the series was the cast singing the Cliff Richard song The Young Ones. Throughout the series there were many references to Richard. Rick idolized him, despite his supposedly anarchic leanings. This and his praise for Mrs. Thatcher in one episode revealed an irony that the British public (in this case, Rick) praise Thatcher and the Tories when things are going well for them. In this example, Rick and the gang having successfully robbed a bank. In 1984, after the second season, Nigel Planer got to No. 2 in the UK charts with a version of Traffic's Hole In My Shoe. In 1986, two years after the show's run, the housemates sang Living Doll with Cliff Richard and Hank Marvin for Comic Relief. The song, a reworking of his 1959 number one hit again reached the top position in the UK Charts.

Crowbarreds choice for Website to find more on Cliff Richard ... Click on the address http://www.starpulse.com/Music/Richard,_Cliff/index.html

Previous Song 665 ..... Next Song 667

Number 701

Nick Cave

"Stagger Lee"

(1996)

.

Utterly brilliant song here by Nick Cave, full of Goth gusto sound and fantastic vocals from the Vamp ocker himself. Do all of you grab a chance to hear this song, you won't regret. That is unless you enjoy Doris Day or Cliff Richard!

After goth pioneers the Birthday Party called it quits in 1983, singer/songwriter Nick Cave assembled the Bad Seeds, a post-punk supergroup featuring former Birthday Party guitarist Mick Harvey on drums, ex-Magazine bassist Barry Adamson, and Einstürzende Neubauten guitarist Blixa Bargeld. With the Bad Seeds, Cave continued to explore his obsessions with religion, death, love, America, and violence with a bizarre, sometimes self-consciously eclectic hybrid of blues, gospel, rock, and arty post-punk, although in a more subdued fashion than his work with the Birthday Party. Cave also allowed his literary aspirations to come to the forefront; the lyrics are narrative prose, heavy on literary allusions and myth-making, and take some inspiration from Leonard Cohen. Cave's gloomy lyrics, dark musical arrangements, and deep baritone voice recall the albums of Scott Walker, who also obsessed over death and love with a frightening passion. However, Cave brings a hefty amount of post-punk experimentalism to Walker's epic dark pop.

Cave released his first album with the Bad Seeds, From Her to Eternity, in 1984, which contained a noteworthy cover of Elvis Presley's "In the Ghetto," foreshadowing much of Cave's style and subject matter on the follow-up The Firstborn Is Dead. Kicking Against the Pricks, an all-covers album, broke the band in England with the help of "The Singer," which hit number one on the U.K. independent charts. The album also strengthened Cave's reputation as an original interpreter and a vocal stylist of note. Following 1986's Your Funeral...My Trial, Cave took a two-year hiatus from recording, partially to appear in Wim Wenders' 1987 film Wings of Desire, and then returned with Tender Prey, which featured Cramps guitarist Kid Congo Powers and Cave's strongest vocal performance up to that point.

Cave's productivity picked up immensely over the next two years after he kicked a heroin habit. He had two books (1988's -King Ink, a collection of lyrics, plays, and prose, and 1989's -And the Ass Saw the Angel, a novel) published; appeared in the 1989 Australian film Ghosts...of the Civil Dead as a prisoner; recorded a soundtrack to the film with Harvey and Bargeld; and released 1990's The Good Son, his most relaxed, quiet album. Cave received his due as one of the leading figures in alternative rock when he was invited to perform on the 1994 edition of the Lollapalooza tour to promote his Let Love In album.

Early in 1996, he released Murder Ballads, a collection of songs about murder. Murder Ballads became Cave's most commercially successful album to date, and, with typical perversity, he followed it with the introspective and personal The Boatman's Call in early 1997. A spoken word release, Secret Life of the Love Song, followed in 1999. Two years later, a rejuvenated Cave teamed up with the Bad Seeds once again for the piano-laden No More Shall We Part. Nocturama was released in 2003, and the double-album Abbatoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus followed by the end of 2004. ~ Stephen Thomas Erlewine & Steve Huey

For Doris Day see Number 961

For Cliff Richard see Number 739

For Elvis Presley see Number 840

For Kylie Minogue see Number 886

For more Kylie Minogue visit Mellow Mix Vol 1 #076

What does Rolling Stone think about Nick Cave?

Nick Cave has made a cottage industry out of theatrical gloom for the past 15 years, artfully plunging into the depths of a reservoir of despair that many alternative rockers couldn't even dream of fathoming. But never before have manic elements elevated Cave's shtick to art as on Murder Ballads. In a way, the album is an author-subject synergy reminiscent of Linda Ronstadt's Canciones de Mi Padre, only Cave's realm is much, much darker, and his daddy is the mass murderer Richard Speck.

Then the fun begins with the psychotically enhanced shriekfest "Stagger Lee" (Cave's version of the turn-of-the-century classic); a pretty and poisonous "Henry Lee," with Polly Jean Harvey; and a sublimely insidious "Lovely Creature," taking the listener on a textural roller coaster through psychosexual rage and raw sensuality. The album reaches its zenith on "Where the Wild Roses Grow," a succulent duet with Australian pop princess Kylie Minogue. Cave's character is so infatuated with Minogue's pristine nubility that he bashes her brains in, underscoring the link between sex and death.

For Linda Ronstadt see Number 665

Crowbarreds choice for Website to find more on Nick Cave ... Click on the address http://home.claranet.nl/users/maes/cave/

Rolling Stone Top 500 Songs ranked this song at Number (He scared the shit out of us!) and the Album ranked at Number (Does he bite Bats heads off? Huh?)

This song has a crowbarred rating of 68.5 out of 108

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Tags: Nick Cave, Stagger Lee, 1996, Goth, Punk, Doris Day, Cliff Richard, Birthday Party, Magazine, Barry Adamson, Einstürzende Neubauten, Blixa Bargeld, Leonard Cohen, Scott Walker, Elvis Presley, Wim Wenders, The Cramps, Kylie Minogue, Music, Youtube, Music Video, The Definitive 1000 Songs of all Time, Rolling Stone Magazine

Ngamotu

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Musician, broadcaster and entrepreneur, Cliff Adams carved a niche for himself in British broadcasting history. 

During the 1950s, while working as a trombonist and arranger with various big bands, Cliff Adams formed a vocal group called The Stargazers to provide musical interludes for popular radio shows. The group went on to have hits with novelty songs like "I See the Moon", 1954 and "Twenty Tiny Fingers", 1955.

Adams quickly established himself as a composer of jingles for the brand new TV advertising industry.  This work led directly to another hit single in 1960 - "The Lonely Man Theme" - an instrumental taken from a campaign for Strand Cigarettes.  As moodily atmospheric as the dark, rain-soaked London street featured in the commercial, the tune has had a much longer shelf life than the cigarettes it was meant to promote. The theme turned up briefly in Cliff Richard's movie "The Young Ones" and was rearranged for guitars and recorded by The Rapiers in 2000.

During the early 1960s Adams became part-owner of the Olympic recording studios, in London, which was to become one of the most prestigious studios in the world.

Formed in 1959 The Cliff Adams Singers was a fifteen or sixteen strong vocal ensemble which backed solo artists on radio and TV. They also had their own show "Sing Something Simple" which ran each Sunday on the BBC Light Programme from 1959 to 1967, then on Radio 2 until Cliff Adams's death.

The group's chart entries, an original release from 1960 and its 1962 reissue, demonstrate the relaxed, undemanding style of this Sunday evening institution.

April 1960 Sing Something Simple - (UK) Pye NPL 28013 Highest position 15
                                                               (US) unreleased

1 Sing Something Simple (Adams)
2 Hometown (Carr, Kennedy)
3 Underneath The Arches (Flanagan)
4 Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes (Jonson, Trad.)
5 Cruising Down the River (Beadell, Tollerton)
6 Home on the Range (Higley, Lomax, Kelley)
7 Wheezy Anna (Sarony)
8 Little Dolly Daydream (Stuart)
9 Lily of Laguna (Fiorito, Stuart, Francis Webster)
10 I Love You Truly (Jacobs-Bond)
11 Me and My Shadow (Dreyer, Jolson, Rose)
12 My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean (Trad.)
13 Let the Great Big World Keep Turning (Anon.)
14 Ferry Boat Serenade (Adamson, diLazzaro, Panzeri)

Recorded:unknown - (probably Pye Studios, London)

15 member vocal ensemble; Cliff Adams arranger, director, piano;  Jack Emblow accordion; unknown bass/drums

November 1962 Sing Something Simple - (UK) Pye Golden Guinea GGL 0150    Highest position 15
                                                                        (US) unreleased

Details as above.

Father has been keen to go down to Wimbledon ever since his personal ban (in force from 1996) was lifted last week.

The original ban was enforced after Father tried to puncture the lung of rock legend Sir Cliff Richard with a knitting needle dipped in cyanide following the former's impromptu centre court sing-a-long some time ago. Sir Cliff with Sue Barker, yesterday:

And feeling that sufficient time had passed (and with Dinsmore indisposed on some theatrical/romantic assignation) I decided to drive down to Wimbledon in the old Morgan for some good old-fashioned fun and fumblings.

Father, of course, was confused as to the absence of Wombles in the immediate vicinity. But more pressingly, he wanted Mr Murray (below, yesterday) to lose.

Though a Great British patriot, Father feels that “those Scotch b*stards” are too up their own rears to be allowed to participate fully in the Union, and they should not be allowed to do outrageous things such as breeding talented tennis players. Thus he entered the back room (disguised as Sue Barker, wearing a tennis outfit and undergarments that he stole from Ms Barker's wardrobe in 1977) in an attempt to lace Mr Murray's Robinson's Barley Water with hydrochloric acid.

Of course, had Father spent more time learning in his days at chemistry class in Eton instead of drawing frighteningly erect penises underneath the desks then he might have noticed that there is a noticeable difference in the effects from hydrochloric and acetic acids – thus Mr Murray's pre-match drink merely tasted a little like vinegar, and he did not require a visit to the Wimbledon Royal Infirmary.

Following this personal defeat, Father was thereafter reduced to sitting in the crowd during Murray's match, loudly whispering “s*d off, Scotch-face” every time Mr Murray hit the ball.

As this was meeting with some success (Mr Murray being two sets down at this point) Father then felt inclined to up the ante by removing his kaftan, revealing himself to be wearing underneath nothing but a pair of incontinence pads, and jumping onto the court doing a little jig and humming the theme to “Rising Damp”, that popular 1970s sitcom starring the splendid Leonard Rossiter (The reasons for Father doing this were unclear, but he later admitted it worked for him when he put Stuart Pearce off his penalty in 1990).

Fortunately, a SWAT-type team (who had apparently been expecting Johnny Vegas or Dame Joan Collins, apparently) made a direct hit, their poisoned dart striking Father straight in the left buttock.

He was, naturally enough, arrested. And clever BBC editing including footage from old matches was sneaked in so nobody would notice the fracas – though some viewers were confused as to why Andy Murray strongly resembled Bjorn Borg for 90 seconds of the match.

Upon regaining consciousness, Father learned that Murray had snatched ignominious, limp-wristed defeat from the jaws of a heroic failure and was not happy.

"It's all gone, don't you see?” Father wailed to me as they slapped the handcuffs on, “there's no heroes any more... that's why society is crumbling... we need REAL heroes, not just young filthy rich Scotch playboy upstarts. Without a strong moral compass then Britain is finished!"

I pointed out that while I had some sympathy for Father, his criticism was perhaps a little bit rich coming as it did from the mouth of a multi-millionaire alcoholic with addictions to novocaine, valium, lithium, butter, LSD and gambling - whereupon Father told me politely that it would be best if I “flock off".

I duly flocked off.

Fortunately, Father's lawyer, Atticus Peck QC (the best bent brief in the business and no mistake) managed to get bail set at £6.32p, so Father is again free to return to Wimbledon to cheer on Mr Murray's flamboyant Spanish conqueror in the semi-final. Praise be to the EU court of Human Rights!

So Britain may not be finished just yet. We still have a British crowd to cheer on.

Be careful out there...

My rating would be a 3 out of 5. Perhaps a half more because of Sir Cliff not singing too many Jesus-songs.

On the other side of the coin... there are duets that seem to be made of artists plucked randomly from opposite ends of the spectrum and jammed together haphazardly to see what falls out...

In light of that, these are the ten duets from the 1980s and the 1990s that caused a moment of sheer bewilderment upon their discovery. Some of them defied expectation and worked well, some - in my opinion - didn't.

Feel free to ridicule me, correct me, or add the duets I've missed in the comments below! (And thanks for the post suggestion, Duls!)

Wu-tang + Texas

I wouldna picked this one in a million years to be honest... Apparently Sharleen Spiteri and crew are big Wu-Tang fans O_o. And Sharleen must be fond of strange collaborations since she's done another one with german rabble rousers Rammstein...

What's so strange about it? Well... Wu-Tang are seminal hardcore rap legends and Texas... are soft-rock/pop with a chick vocalist... nuff said?

Did it work? I think it worked nicely - in a bizarre kind of way - although that may have more to do with Rza's production and that awesome sample in the chorus that ends every first and third line on the most discordant note in a pop song ever xD: totally makes up for all the sugar from Sharleen in the verses :)

Kylie Minogue + Nick Cave

Nick wrote a song about a guy who brains a chick with a rock, chucks her in the river, and shoves a rose in her mouth so the memory of her beauty won't fade... And have you read his book, "And The Ass Saw The Angel" about that one mute dude with the abusive father who ends up going ballistic on his home town? Yeeeaah... O_o ... someone should be watching Nick Cave closely...

What's so strange about it? Nick's an alternative doom rock maven and Kylie's a pop princess: cerebral gloom with sugary pop frivolity... on the surface it makes no sense but - given the story of the song - the beauty and the beast dynamic has a very definite place...

Did it work? I think it worked well - the two suited their roles in the story and their voices complemented each other nicely. But I still think Nick Cave should be kept away from automatic weapons and high places in crowded areas...

Eminem + Elton John

This only happened live at the 2001 Grammys but it's an occurrence of note.

What's so strange about it? Eminem was notorious for the abundance of anti-gay vitriol in his songs and Elton John is... well... gay. Cynics say it was a calculated political move from the candy-monikered-one to salvage his image with the pink party...

Did it work? It may have curried favour for Em with GLAAD (the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) - or, in fact, turned GLAAD against Elton - but I thought Elton's voice and style in this context was a major step backward from the sweet tones of Dido and the whole thing ends up being primarily an exercise in PR rather than a memorable live rendition of the song...

Tom Jones + The Cardigans

Tom made a whole album of strange duets so this is just a personal choice of the 'pick-of-the-bunch'.

What's so strange about it? Tom's like... a crusty old piece of leather-fied nostalgia with funny hair... and The Cardigans sing about Playstation games and have swedish eye-candy Nina Persson fronting the band...

Did it work? Not in my opinion... I didn't like Tom's or Nina's voice for the song... imo the success it had is due to the quality of the original song itself - go the Byrne-meister!!

KLF + Tammy Wynette

In 1995, Splendid Magazine said:

Were a decision reached that all pop music was deemed unfit for human consumption and had to be destroyed, save for one song to keep us fickle masses in choruses, this would be have to be the one, folks.

Hyperbole, much?

What's so strange about it? Tammy is the goddess of country and KLF were stadium house pioneers on the raucous bleeding edge of avant garde performance art... not the most obvious pairing... or is it? Some say it suited KLF's rabid rejection of convention and expectation to a tee...

Did it work? Arguably anything works in KLF's eclectic dance mish-mash... and gushing quote aside, the song was received very well in the UK and Europe with great chart success and more hyperbolic reviews.

U2 + Mary J Blige

What's so strange about it? Political rock band plus R&B diva... I wouldna picked this one either... Okay, there's the soul connection with BB et al during Rattle & Hum but R&B diva...? Really?

Did it work? My U2-loving mates have given a resounding "NO" but I like both Mary and U2 and I didn't mind it... I don't know that it's true to the spirit of the band but it makes a nice diversion, at least.

George Michael + Aretha Franklin

What's so strange about it? Aretha Franklin is the respected Queen of Soul and George Michael is 'that dodgy greek guy who hangs around the toilets in the park'.

Did it work? George managed to not drag the proceedings down - even though he was singing with one of the most honoured women in Grammy history (Aretha has twenty little gold-plated gramophones on her mantle...) and the UK public gave him his third No. 1, so someone liked it. I seem to remember being hammered by it relentlessly on the NZ charts too...

Bone Thugs N Harmony + Phil Collins

What's so strange about it? Bone Thugs be gangsta, mayn... and Phil... ain't.

Did it work? I say no - Phil's sustained, reverbed-out, chorus lines just don't seem to go with Bone Thugs' rapid staccato melody rapping... imo the worst duet on this list.

Cliff Richard + The Young Ones

Cliff sings a sweet song and the Young Ones footle all over it.

What's so strange about it? Well, Cliff Richard is the paragon of virtue and middle-of-the-road purity (see his conversion to Christianity and his claims of virginity) and the Young Ones are a chaotic, loutish rabble who were as irreverent as you could get (for the time) without being R18...

Did it work? If you liked the Young Ones it was just another Young Ones skit with pretty music every now and then so it was fine :). If you didn't, their schtick may have gotten annoying quickly...

Honourable Mentions

Frank Sinatra + Bono - they didn't even get to meet before they recorded - in different studios in different states...

Roy Orbison + K.D. Lang - K.D. Lang is awesome in a cabaret sort of way xD. Roy Orbison is a legendary tenor with an impressive, effortless range. They wouldna been my first pick as a duet, though...

Paolo Nutini - New Shoes

Who he is: a scottish singer-songwriter (father is of italian descent) who was discovered by his manager when he won a chance to sing a few songs onstage to stand in for a tardy David Sneddon. [Paolo on Wikipedia]

Why I like it: bouncy, jangly acoustic pop with a clappy head-bopping beat - what's not to like? xD Paolo's voice is kinda soulful in a folky way imho and he may not have the deepest story to tell xD but it's interesting enough on the first listen :).

Obligatory Cover: Paolo sings Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" - features a slideshow of Paolo's disturbing prettiness (disturbing for a macho paragon of manliness like myself - girlies (and you, Tim) might like it...)

Alphabeat - Fascination

Who they are: a Danish pop band with an 80s retro pop sound. The Spice Girls asked them to open on their 2007-8 reunion world tour but Alphabeat declined. [Alphabeat on Wikipedia]

What I like about it: The voices of the male and female leads (Anders and Stine) work together well and the chorus is driving and muscly in its own poppy sort of way. Plus there's a definite contemporary air about the song in spite of the very 80s pop sound.

Obligatory Mash-Up: Destiny's Child vs. Alphabeat - Fascination Woman

A-Ha - Minor Earth Major Sky

Who they are: norwegian 80s pop icons - everybody's heard "Take On Me", right? [A-Ha on Wikipedia]

Why I like it: The rolling bass line gets your head bopping and Morten sings in an unusual mode for a pop song which gives the tune a vaguely exotic flavour.

This track is from their 2000 "comeback" album of the same name. I read a review at the time (which I thought was by Stephen Thomas Erlewine of Allmusic.com but I can't find it now...) that convinced me to check it out. Whoever the reviewer was they claimed that the album showed A-Ha sticking to pop but bringing it into the adult contemporary realm - pop for adults. I have to agree - there are some very good songs on the album that have the catchiness of radio-friendly pop but a little more longevity than the average 3 minute flash in the pan single due to A-Ha's seemingly mellower and more grounded approach.

Honourable mention: Another song from the same album - Velvet - is sweetly smooth and the video's worth seeing for the simple fact that you don't often see a pop video that hints at necrophilia... O_o

Obligatory Mash-Up: A-Ha vs Royksopp - What Else Is An Early Morning? - fellow norwegians melanchol each other out - Royksopp's awesome surreal video helps :)

Cliff Richard - Devil Woman

Who he is: He's 67 as of the date of this post - and he's the only artist other than Elvis to make it into the UK singles charts for every decade of its existence (1950s - 2000). [Cliff on Wikipedia]

What I like about it: Yes, he's old - he's very old... and so is this song - but the chords and melody in the verse are immediately catchy - Cliff could write some tunes, man! xD If someone doesn't cover this soon I'm going to have to do it...

Obligatory Obscure Cover: Cradle Of Filth actually recorded a version of this song... Since there's no official video some comedian edited a concert appearance by Cliff over it xD.

Yael Naim - New Soul

Who she is: a french-israeli singer-songwriter - she's the first Israeli solo artist to have a top ten hit in the US. [Yael on Wikipedia]

Why I like it: quite high profile as it was used to launch the MacBook Air but the song is ... errr... 'airy', fresh and upbeat anyway. Apparently Steve Jobs himself picked her song for the campaign.

It's a pun. If not very punny.....

On Tuesday evening this week I took C to see The Police in concert at the Manchester Evening News Arena. This would not have been my first choice for a concert, but it was a birthday wish for C, a life long Police fan who had, unfortunately, managed to avoid seeing them live in their hay days of the 70s and 80s. And she fancies Sting. She fancies Sting big time.

As it happens, the concert was 8 months late. It had been postponed on the original date because Sting had a sore throat. Bless. This added to my general dislike of the guy, putting him firmly in the camp of wuss/big girl's blouse. This, being just one of the labels that I have tagged onto Mr Gordon Sumner - "Destroyer of the Planet" (we could not visit the amphitheatre at Ephesus in Turkey because it had been deemed unsafe due to the cracks allegedly caused by the Sting concert there, ironically as part of his "Save the Planet Tour" with that indian guy with the big lips) and "Pillock", for being oh so up himself with his bloody medieval lute playing palaver......

 Actually, I think I just dislike the guy because C (and millions of other fanciable women who should only have eyes for yours truly) fancies him. Indeed, we have a clause in our wedding contract that allows C to leave me, with no hard feelings, (and no alimony) should she and Sting get it together. So Tuesday was quite a high risk event for me personally. I have a reciprocal clause, however, which allows me to leave in the much more likely event that I get it on with Kylie Minogue. Sex on a stick. And, I have come so close already. Well, I almost got her telephone number. Almost.....

It was beginning to feel like fate was about to deal a strange card when I noticed that the sex kitten herself was coming to the MEN in July. I hadn't booked tickets (her vocal capabilities are not exactly what attracts me to her) but I did think that it would be a useful fall back position should the evening not go so well and I was forced to leave C with the Sting.

And so, we set off for Manchester fairly early in order to secure a parking place at the venue. Sat Nav delivered us to the very (barriered) steps of the Arena, and I then had to resort to "the Force" (it was not with me) and the scarce brown tourist signs to find the entrance to the car park. Unfortunately this meant that we were some 10 minutes or so later and we ended up on the 7th floor.

After a quick cigarette outside - I think C was just "hanging" in case Sting walked past - we joined the queue and soon found ourselves on the inside. C went to the loo while I ordered two pints of watered lager in plastic glasses. Consumption of the lager prompted a second toilet visit for C before we took our seats (which were excellent) and waited for the support act. We waited and we waited and we waited. They were 45 minutes late.

But, the delay did not cause our spirits to flag. We people watched. We actually felt very young and fashionable compared with our fellow concert goers, many of whom were stuck in 1979 or so. We also wondered why so many people felt it necessary to wear sunglasses indoors. If nothing else, it must be a health and safety issue on the steep stairs. We also mocked the rather too many people who were picking up leaflets for the 50th Anniversary Cliff Richard Time Mchine Tour. Well, at least when he's in Manchester he is not troubling small boys in South Africa ;)

We were pleased to note that the support act was not in fact Sting's son's band as it had been scheduled to be back in October. The support group was very good. While I did, tentatively, identify them as Starsailor, it was clear that their identity was lost on most of the middle-agers in the. At least my "hip" and "cool" credentials were intact. I am positively "down" with them "man".

And, I have to say that The Police were, well, awesome. Sting is a much better vocalist than I had imagined.....and looks far too good for his age, the git. Actually, I have to say that he seems to have gone for a very striking bearded look not unlike my own! If you forgive his sweaty armpits and the rather too many twiddly guitar solos from Andy Summers, it was very, very good indeed.

After several encores we left rather later than expected. As all the eateries were closed, we returned to the car and joined the long queue to exit the car park It took about 45 minutes or so and by the time we exited the Sat Nav was very, very confused.....

Sorry Kylie, maybe next time.

Instead I will be showing some delightful pictures of my purchases at last weeks Essex Garden Show in Brentwood.

Weeping Willow dwarf tree (Salix caprea Kilmarnock) (£10 bargin)


Standard Salix integra Hakuro Nishiki (variegated japanese willow) £9 bargin

Other pictures of shrubs and flowers in my garden:

Boxus Spirals

Irises and the Smoke Bush (Cotinus coggygria Royal Purple)

Tulips

A 'normal' service will resume next week on the vegetable plot (rain or shine!).

Those bastards. I always knew fascism was bad, but this? This is a step too far…..