Christ follower.

Husband lover.

Children raiser.

Cindy lives smack dab in the middle of Oklahoma but spent the first 27 years of her life in Texas.

Her passion is writing, her calling is mentoring women and her primary gifting is exhortation. My mission is to help women make Jesus more than just a part of their life but to help make Him their life. (Col. 3:4)

 Higher Ways

Within a couple of years, I will have spent 40 years on this earth.

Four decades. 480 months. 2,080 weeks. 14,600 days.

And even though my upbringing and entire life has been spent not only knowing Christ, it has been spent seeking to follow him. His Word, the book we call the Bible, has been my guide.

I have found the Bible to be absolutely historic and yet applicable to my everyday life right here… Right now… There are so many answers in the Bible that guide me to make the choices I make. The wisdom that can be gleaned from these precious words is above and beyond what I can imagine.

But then there are days when nothing makes sense.

When 5-year olds are killed in their driveways by accident…

When young fathers are taken before their youngest child even recognizes his Daddy's face.

When women desperate to become mothers never conceive…

When entire families are wiped out due to natural disasters…

Many of you have probably questioned similar circumstances. It's possible you've even said, "Where is God in all of this?" Rest assured, I have, too.

A long time ago I came to the place where I realized that knowing all of the plans of God and how He thinks is something I will not understand this side of Heaven. So, when people's hearts are broken...when my heart is broken, I chalk it up to the following passage:

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD.’As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' Isaiah 55:8-9"

For some reason, this gives me strength. This gives me hope. This gives me understanding about something I don't understand. But most of all, it gives me peace. The peace that passes understanding.

And I hope it does you, too.

Visit Cindy’s Blog @ Cindybeall.com

Cindy, has one of those blogs where you don’t expect what’s going to happen tomorrow.  I faithfully read her blogs as I get ready for work, something about her words revitalize me.

Many mornings, I am frozen by her honesty of her words though.

She’s so transparent of where she was, where she went, and where she is now.

In the meantime, giving God the Glory… that simply amazes me.

She is a girlfriend that makes you comfortable of where you are at, you don’t have to be fake.. just real..  and she’s okay with that. 

All along nudging you.. too seek HIM!!

How powerful is that in a girlfriend??   POWERFUL!!!

Love ya Cindy!!!

Love is a powerful emotion.

• Business isn't just business anymore.
• Church isn't just a meeting on Sunday morning anymore.
•  Neighbors aren't just neighbors.
•  The dysfunctional parent isn’t dysfunctional anymore.
• The hungry are no longer beggers
•  The lost teen isn’t lost anymore

However, the potential to be loved and to truly serve also increases radically.

I was asked recently if I was to do-over anything what it would be.  I was shocked at my own answer as I began to ponder the question. I sat there thinking about what to say…  Is there nothing I would redo? That’s not very interesting… I am not into shallow or easy Christian answers and I didn’t want to it to come across like I was tooting my own horn on how I have made all Christian and noble choices in my life and that is why I would not redo one thing from my past.

Even though my honest, authentic answer to that question was there is nothing in my life I would redo I almost didn’t believe that myself. I have spent so many years dealing with my past is it really possible that those things that inundated me for so long, no longer had any hold on my life?

Five years ago I would have had a list of answers to that question. Five years ago I would have said I wished.  I would had wished that I didn’t have to go through years of verbal abuse, that I didn’t have to lose a child, that I wasn’t raped, that I didn’t try to commit suicide, that I didn’t suffer a stroke or live a life with a stutter and a stammer.

Yet today when asked that question I feel no regret about anything in my life up until now. I have not lead a perfect life. I have not lead a life without regret but right now I can truly say that I understand why I went through what I have gone through.

There are more stories like these, there are more trials and lessons I have learned in life but I have complete peace in my heart about why I have gone through everything I have gone through. I have no regret…

 God has fully restored my heart to a place where I am so thankful and grateful to Him for my trials because they have been a part of what has fashioned me to be who I am today.

God has made restitution for me so that my life can give Him glory! I am who I am because of what God has done in my life through my experiences, and I am so thankful.

Even though I can barely read my writing on this tear soaked 3X5 card as I sit here at the beach ….

This is truly a miraculous feeling.

 The past has no hold on me and that allows me to fully engage in what God has for me today and in my future.

 This is NOT and I stress NOT an overnight success. Many issues in my life have taken me months and years to deal with but only through relationships and connections.  My close confidantes and close friends and lately even so recently in the blogsphere have I been able to talk about these things over and over and in talking about them over and over Christ has brought truth, revelation and healing to my soul. 

Every time I took the risk to confess something from my past that was difficult another layer of shame came off my life. Those things that we allow to remain hidden will continue to keep us in shame of the past and prevent us from fulfilling our destiny now.

God wants to do this for you. He wants to peel back the layers of your shame, regrets and pain. He wants to heal your wounded heart so that you can fulfill your purpose on this earth. Start talking about these things that you would never tell anyone. Take your pain out of hiding and put it in the hands of a loving God who wants to trade your pain for purpose. It's not enough just to say it to God alone, God works through people. Position yourself with others build relationships with people and allow them to be God's healing hands extended to your life.

If you could have one do-over what would it be?

As my husband and I are raising three kids, now and then you’d hear “Grow up!” “Act Your Age!” At one particularly wonderful moment, one of us told the other, “Only one person in this house gets to act 17.”

I’ve heard, ‘Just come to Christ, believing as a small child.’ No questions, no fears, no hesitation. Complete and utter trust. In his book, “Your God is Too Small” J.B. Phillips said the verse, “we must become as little children” could be explained as “without all the sham, compromise, and cynicism of adulthood.”

It’s not so much what we’re to come with, but rather what we’re to take off, before we approach Him. We’re to remove the trappings of adulthood we tend to acquire along the journey.

Phillips also said, “only the mature Christian (wo)man can begin to see a little of the “size” of his Father. When I grow up a bit, spiritually, I see how superior He is to me. How big He is, how little I am.

He is who He says He is. “I Am.” The Creator of the Universe, the One who hung the stars, shaped the planets, formed water and dry land. He formed me in my mother’s womb, and knows the number of my days. He’s the One I will spend eternity with. He died for undeserving me. When I recognize who He is, it puts little ‘ole me in perspective. It makes it a bit easier to get over myself.

I show that His existence matters by reading, believing His Word, and doing what it says. All of it, not just the parts I like. I also show it by how I spend my time and money.

A pastor told us, ‘if you want to know what’s really important to a person, look at their calendar and their checkbook.’ Ouch.

Next, am I mature enough to recognize His position versus mine? Do I believe He moves in my life, rewarding me? Not because I deserve it. I don’t. I can’t do anything to deserve His love more. There’s also nothing I can do that will make Him give up on me. He loves me, exactly as I am, today. Sometimes acting a bit like a child, sometimes acting a bit more mature.

He “rewards me” by always being there. He cares about me. He cares if I can pay my bills, if I hurt, if I’m struggling. Sometimes He rewards me by allowing challenging circumstances. He has a plan that I’m generally unaware of. Sometimes I catch a small glimpse of it. He wants to be involved in the big and little of my life. The little problems, the big fears. God doesn’t have to become smaller. A God my size wouldn’t be of much use to me.

I don’t want to be the one acting like a 17 year old.

 I want to eat at the grown-up table of life.

One of the most important things I hold and revere is my relationship with my God.

 I want the type of relationship where I am always in His presence.

When I say in His presence I don’t mean the outer court or the inner court but the very Holiest of Holies.

To me that’s sacred.

 And I don’t want to be in that place some of the time or only on Sundays

 I want this to be the norm in my life.

My status quo so to speak; my ‘everyday’ experience with God.

I think too that heaven will be like this.

 Imagine the reality of walking with God in His fullness everyday.

I want my  piece of heaven down here though while I wait for the totality that is to come.

 (courtesty of Flickr photos)

We were created with the potential to walk an amazingly victorious path. On this victorious path, victory is about to be fulfilled in every area of our life, and it comes more easily and naturally because it is perfectly tailored to our unique gifts, experiences, and passion.  

Isn't is amazing how one thing leads to another and another until we arrive at one particular moment and place in time?  

Sometimes it's the place we're supposed to be, and sometimes we simply know that another path awaits us and we yearn to find it.

 A persistent voice whispers softly but urgently: "You're going in the wrong direction. There's a path over here with your name on it." Even if we are unaware of where our path is, God will find a way to lead us to our purpose- and connect us with the right people who cross our path.  

This sole key of eavesdropping onto what our life is trying to tell us, following the voice of the Holy Spirit, and walking directly onto your own unique path.

Multiple things are competing for our attention today...entertainment, advertisements, people, jobs, and the millions of thoughts that flood our heads as we hustle about from one thing to the next while they go unprocessed because of a lack of time.

 People are ENTIRELY too busy!

We seem to have the way of thinking that some things are muddled if there are too many unplanned hours in a day.

I find myself in the competition to win a small chunk of someone's time, a lot.

There is nothing more than I want to be able to sit on a comfy couch in a Indian style fashion with my legs crossed with a White Chocolate Mocha in one hand, and gazing into the eyes of a close friend as she laughs at my stupid jokes or shares the deepest authenticity of what God is doing in her life... or mine.

 Why do we subject ourselves to the stress of cramming too much into our lives?

 I don’t know about you but the clock on the bottom of my computer screen or on my phone is the most watched thing in my life!!!!

When can we live as if we're off the clock?  I ran across this prose just yesterday as I was balancing a few things.  It's so true and I wonder:

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time” John Lubbock

I wonder if that’s what we fear?  Idleness

This is no doubt how God our Father wants us to live. He mentions 'rest' many times in His Word.

He knew the importance in sabbath, now I am researching? 

Any thoughts to help my research?

As I was driving to church on Sunday, these words spilled out. I was anticipating in something that I was doing for the very first time.  My heart was racing, my palms sweaty and my breathing was rapid.

But see  I was anticipating for His Glory to be seen.

My worship guide is now unreadable, but these words..

                                            ~

Running forward hard and fast, out of my comfort zone; I run because you call. I run because You won’t let my feet stop. I hesitate as the challenges are revealed one by one. Every part of this new journey has tugged a bit harder on who I think I am able to be. Each task at hand is one that I have a hard time picturing myself in. Each time I plant my stubborn feet, you gently remind me that your sovereignty is the utmost.

You remind me that You ask for me to speak aloud more, you challenge me more. You remind me that You know me more than I know myself.

You have selected every one of us, every past experience, every current one…to rally together in this journey.

You challenge and push us uniquely, You comfort and guide us uniquely, and You encourage us boldly uniquely.

All because You have more to show, we are called to more, and we have more to share with those who don’t know the truth.

My beautiful God, continue to walk with us, as you have already been doing. Tug and pull and sometimes drag on us when our feet are planted.

Remind us in each moment that your will and way is sovereign, no matter what challenges we face.

Encourage each one of us to be bold when all we are feeling is fear. Encourage each one of us to smile in the moments that it may be easier to frown.

May we leave footprints of Hope in the hearts that you have planned to be there. We step out in faith to Your will and plan, to Your voice.

We know the truth.

We have a Creator who loves us more than is fathomable.

There is where we find Mary and Martha. Jesus had healed so many perfect strangers – why not his close friend?! Jesus proved to be in control of nature itself – why not keep his friend alive?! It didn’t make sense that He allowed Lazarus to die.

But Jesus had a different plan in mind. He chose to wait. He chose not to heal Lazarus. He chose to let Mary and Martha and all the others who loved Lazarus mourn his death, bury him traditionally and appropriately and run to Jesus.

It was then and only then that God was able to shine. It was then and only then that Jesus became the super hero. It was then and only then that these privileged people were permitted to get a glimpse of the Lord God’s astounding power and position. It was then and only then that God received the glory, and it was then and only then that it  

I was reminded that my own dreams and hopes and desires might have been a little off course and that this was simply God’s way of guiding me back on track with His desires and His blessings and how He wants to use my life for His greater glory and purpose.

All I know

 He cares enough to not only meet our needs but also to bless us immensely.

Do you have 20/20 vision when it comes to people?

Of course, there are faces and bodies...but do you and I truly, authentically catch sight of people...like Jesus saw people?

Do you and I see individuals and their needs as valuable, precious and something that is deserving of my time and attention?

No, probably not always, if I'm honest.

Andy Stanley challenged:

“To see everyone they encounter as someone who is valued and worth Christ’s death on the Cross”

 Of course, that makes sense. It’s obvious. It’s a no-brainer.

But do I actually believe in it enough? Or does my “self” get in the way?

If each individual I encountered, my closest friends to the person who bagged my groceries today, was consciously recognized as a beloved child of the Lord, how would it change the way I spent time interacting with him or her?

Just a thought…  What do you think?

You distinguish that longing you have deep inside,

to come into contact with God in a personal way and know

deep down in your bones

That He knows your name and knows your heart inside and out and that He absolutely loves you more than life itself?

You distinguish that desire to hear His voice,

to have Him speak to you and tell you who you are and what you are made for with a strength and gentleness that let you know you are absolutely

the apple of His eye?

I was blown away.

I was undone by love.

I began to recognize myself and see

for the first time of how God has been at work all along in my life

 to call forth the hero within ...

of silent encounters with the living God

 that reverberated through my body with a force more tangible

than any thunder I have known...

It's about giving a soul room to breath,

 to shift and grow, to change or expand,

without you trying to force it to do any of those things.

That saturated everything and everyone.

as it was meant to be.

(as they we were wheeling him away)

This little man is our Hero…….

God WAS our surgeon………

Isaac is resting with the help of medications but over all is doing real well.

Thank you for standing with me during this precious time!!

Our Pastor and his brother who is also our pastor came this morning, they are Isaac's buddies and his rock this morning..

 this was our Pastor Dan's take of this morning

It's about 4:46 a.m., We are just about to leave for Zion Hospital..

I got up about 3:30 and just started to pray. 

But this morning it was different, I felt His presence more than ever......

His incredible warmth, strength, and no fear.

  Incredibly peaceful

Thank you for standing with me.......

An update later this afternoon...    

 Love you my friends and prayer partners!!!

I cannot tell you how much I feel Him this morning!!!

The bread of God undeniably both fills and leaves us hungry,

but hungry for more of the sweet food of which we cannot live without, hungry for the things of God.

In January of 2000, my husband and I found out we were having our third child.  Actually, this was a huge shock to us, since I was taking one of the strongest birth controls Depo Provera. 

Also, at that particular time, Our 11 year marriage was really struggling, really struggling.

WELL… one night of passion and we are pregnant.

At that time, I was working in a Body shop estimating cars and even smoked cigarettes heavily.  I didn’t really care…. I was miserable anyways.

Here comes the doctor’s report, you are pregnant.   It had to be a mistake!!!

At the 5 month part, I had my first ultrasound, then that’s where we found out we were having a boy.

But there were problems.  He had cleft lip and Palate and they

(the doctors and various family members asked us if  we wanted to abort him)

We couldn’t and wouldn’t.

At that moment the genetics counselors came in and told me that my smoking and the body shops contributed to this genetic abnormality.  They weren’t real sweet about it and I can still hear the monotone voice, “Mrs. C, this is your result to your bad health practices”

 I cry each time, I replay those mental tapes.

  How could I?

Lately some more reminders are hitting like a ton of bricks.

Because of a huge speech impediment, just this morning his best friend called him a baby.  Isaac ran into my arms and asked me “Why can’t God change my words”, As I held him tightly, I reassured him that his friend didn’t understand and told him how much of a big man he is,

 as I walked away hot tears streamed down my cheek.

This Thursday at 7:00 a.m. (PST) he goes in for his ninth surgery, I ask for prayers for him.  Although it’s an outpatient surgery it’s still major,  The procedure is to bone graph his jaw with bone marrow from his groin and hip.  They will have to break the tip of his palate to do this.  A 3 week soft diet resumes after.

  Trust me not an easy task for 7 ½ year old. (Happy meals do not fit in this category)

As I write this, I am at peace because the GOD I serve is awesome and wonderful,

 WHATEVER the purpose of Isaac’s cleft is, the LORD will share.

I know Isaac Corey has changed me into a woman of grace by his chubby hands hitting my cheeks “momma I love you to the galaxy”..

Pray for Isaac  “Iceman” would ya!!!

I have someone very close who’s facing a crisis with a job, as I got off the phone, I went and prayed and God put this on my heart this afternoon.

I have an incredible promise from God. And if you don't know, God always stays constant to the promises He makes.

God promises that if I will "wait on the Lord" that I will have my strength "renewed", that I shall "mount up with wings as eagles", that I shall "run, and not be weary" and "walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31,

 Basically it is saying that no matter what murky waters and mud I walk through in life, no matter if I understand it or not, no matter how bad it hurts sometimes...

If I just stand in the middle of it with my arms open, faithful to my God, and just 'wait' or 'hope' in the Lord, that He promises to carry me through it...

To give me  undeniable strength like I never thought I would have.

His plan for me is bigger than my plan, and if it means that I have to crawl through the dirt and mud at times to stay with His plan...

I might not understand what You are up to, and to be perfectly honest, I don't really care to be dragged through the  murky mud, but I am still 'hoping' and 'waiting' in You.

You are my refuge and my strength.

You are the Everlasting God.

I am not.

(Torrey Pines- San Diego Ca)

I am stretched beyond the limits of my love. There are people, situations and environments that test my affections and gratefulness.

 I have learned as I have grown that there is a wealth of love just outside the boundaries of my own heart's reach.

 This is where God's love resides. When I make the most of this, God is glorified. When I choose to be lazy and neglect those few extra steps to do the right thing, God's glory doesn't get its chance to shine through me.

My prayer is that I will go way beyond the contentment of my own love and experience God's.

"Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend... when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present / love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure / the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.”      ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

I would love to start a movement to plaster this on refrigerators all over the world...what an amazing thought to meditate on.... 

How can I live such a life that I would see God’s abundance in everything...I ponder the thought daily, but somehow this quote moved me into a place, a place where I was thrilled where my life is at this very moment. 

True pleasure in abundance is how we handle ourselves when the sun doesn't shine, how we handle ourselves when we are lonely, how we handle the uphill climb or diagnosis...

 or simply when the bills say you owe.... the checkbook says NO

Or maybe even when life is going so smoothly. 

I need to focus on this daily, and while it is not a Scripture passage it seems so relevant to me... 

It is a true reality – “ when we choose not to focus” and tend my secret garden again. 

Then something amazingly  incredible happens

 “We experience Heaven on earth.”

"No matter how many good friends I had, there were aspects of my life I needed to deal with alone- heart issues and attitudes that could not be wrestled with a bible study.. They had to be confronted by the Holy Spirit in the privacy of my own soul”

Mary Forsythe  

Sitting at the foot of the cross....
getting to the bottom of it all.

It's a walk I must make often, daily...

Journal Entry:  January 14, 2008… 4:30 a.m.

This thing about prayer has me thinking hard about what it looks like for I am an imperfect person to convey with an immeasurable God.

Why bother?

What does it look like?

 What should it look like?

 Am I at all on the right track?

 Do I listen well?

 Who am I to make requests?

 These questions and more have left me, at times, frozen without words and hesitant..

“Everyone approaches God with a set of preconceptions gleaned from many sources: church, Sunday school lessons, books, movies, sermons by television evangelists, stray comments by believers and skeptics alike. These tend to linger, as afterimages burned into the mind. … I spend time with my closest friends not because of what they can do for me but for the pleasure of their company. How can I do that with God?”

Philip Yancy

 

Some questions that are harder to answer are not because I don’t know the answers but because I don’t know how to put into practice

"I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life.  It never crossed my mind that person could be me.”Anna Quindlen

 

 

 As I journeyed into prayer in my life, I found a part of beach that I could call my own. I never thought that God would take me here in my life, I was never a beach kind of girl. 

 

 

 

But the vastness of the water and sand, the crashing of the waves........ lulled me.

 

I knew I was missing something.

   

But the beach...

 

it  soon became my church.

 

and

 

He was the pastor!

Journal entry Novemeber 30, 2007 (Four days after my stroke)

Why I am I so afraid to ask God to do what was truly on my heart?

Why do I confide my deepest longings and most frustrating concerns to and praise others in my life with my friends – but not God?

Why can I pray for healings in other bodies except mine?

Why do I have to be  here struggling to stay healthy in my life? 

“If prayer stands as the place where God and human beings meet, then I must learn about prayer. Most of my struggles in the Christian life circle around the same two themes: why God doesn’t act the way we want God to, and why I don’t act the way God wants me to. Prayer is the precise point where those themes converge.” 

There’s a lot more that I need to learn about prayer?? Huh God??

I truly found some amazing people out there in the world of blogging

Some of them I have grown really close too. 

If I had frequent flier miles I would be sitting on stoops rubbing their bellies of their dogs named Buddy, ransacking cupboards for Oreos, at their doorsteps looking for my tiara(see I am princess in other states), sharing a latte in Long Island, learning to salsa and finding out what OKRA is in MA, and doing some serious church in OK and TN, swapping stories of our children, and sharing of the stories of our blogs.

It would take me a year’s journey to see each and every one.

Do you realize I would be flying into different continents, states and cities to hug on these precious women?

As I reflect this morning with a cup of Blackberry Burst hot tea in my hand, with hot tears running down my cheeks….

 I simply Thanked God for bringing in women that drastically and undeniabally changed my life.

Again

I learned to love and be loved, be transparent, and be authentic with these women.

Sometimes it became so raw it hurt. 

But God gave me THESE friendships, lifetime friendships to hold onto and to see:

 HIS undeniable reflection in these women. 

God is Good!!!

“

Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my time, my all, utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me, seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.”   

Truly when I pray that, the first reaction is of my flesh is to cry out,

“Do I really want to pray this?!”   I think I do.

Do I really want to GIVE UP my plans, desires, the things I want to do???

What if I don’t get to do the things I want to do, the things on my agenda, the things I am planning?

The first few times I prayed this prayer, it was with hesitation, a little nervous about what God would possibly change.Then, the Holy Spirit really spoke into my heart!

 How am I looking at my God?

 Am I really seeing Him as the good, generous, wonderful God that He is?

Why would I assume that His plans for me are so different than my own?

Hasn’t He placed these desires in my heart?

.