A wonderful set of resources on the vital importance of talk with babies and young children is to be found HERE

A list of Talk To Your Baby downloadable resources. All of our resources can be downloaded and photocopied free of charge. For more information contact sarah.cheetham@literacytrust.org.uk.

Recently added: National Year of Reading resource

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All postings to this site relate to the central model in the

PhD. Summaries are HERE

SEE also Learning Motivation for Success

1. Ensure you wake 30 minutes after your mother has fallen asleep. Make sure you use the tone of whimper that is never noticed by fathers, or cough, or call out for a missing toy.

2. Keep on the act even after your mother has looked after you, thus making her so thoroughly awake that sleep will evade her for at least another 60 minutes.

3. Wake up with the birds and let everyone know you're awake.

4. When you and your mother have a nap, wake early.

5. When you're awake, have a few tantrums. Those wear out mothers if they're already sleep-deprived. Best to have a tantrum over things which are hard to fix, or use totally intelligible words so your mother can't work out how to assist you.

6. Demand delicacies and/or unsuitable food or drink ALL DAY. Refuse the finely-prepared meals that are presented to you. Scream if you feel up to it.

7. Holler and splash as much as you like during your bath, refuse to get out, holler some more while being wrestled into pyjamas, scream while having your hair brushed, and complain about being made to wear a nappy.

8. Make everything right by telling your mother "I luff you!" while giving her a hug and kiss before going to sleep.  Prepare for the next 24 hours.

My initial thought when I saw these photos was, "Wow, I bet this is what life looks like through Björk's eyes." But really, think of how empowering it must feel for a child to have their imagination recognized and actualized.  Something to keep in mind when I have tater tots of my own.  I do, however, wish this project went a step further... I would love to be able to see the children's reactions when presented with the photo renderings of their drawings.  Can't you just imagine an innocent face correcting Yeondoo?  ..."My picture isn't of us having a slumber party, we were doing pull-ups!  See?  Right there!" 

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - A baby's smile does more than warm a mother's heart -- it also lights up the reward centers of her brain, according to the results of a brain imaging study.

The finding, investigators say, could go a long way in helping researchers dissect the unique bond between mother and infant and how it sometimes goes wrong.

"The relationship between mothers and infants is critical for child development," Dr. Lane Strathearn, of the Human Neuroimaging Laboratory at Baylor College of Medicine, Houston noted in a statement.

"For whatever reason, in some cases, that relationship doesn't develop normally. Neglect and abuse can result, with devastating effects on a child's development," Strathearn explained.

Strathearn and colleagues used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to scan the brains of 28 first-time mothers of 5- to 10-month-old infants while they looked at photos of their own babies and other infants.

In some of the photos babies were smiling or happy. In others, the infants were sad and in some they had neutral expressions.

The investigators found that when the mothers saw their own infants' faces, key areas of the brain associated with reward lit up during the scans, suggesting increased blood flow to that area.

The areas stimulated by the sight of their own babies were those involved in thinking, movement, behavior and emotion. "These are areas that have been activated in other experiments associated with drug addiction," said Strathearn.

"It may be that seeing your own baby's smiling face is like a 'natural high,'" the investigator added.

The strength of mom's reaction depended on her baby's facial expression. "The strongest activation was with smiling faces," Strathearn said. There was less effect from pictures of their babies with sad or neutral expressions.

"We were expecting a different reaction with sad faces," the researcher explained. In fact, the team found little difference in the reaction of the mothers' brains to their own babies' crying face compared to that of an unknown child.

Overall, the mothers responded much more strongly to their own infants' faces than to those of an unknown baby.

"Understanding how a mother responds uniquely to her own infant, when smiling or crying," Strathearn said, may be the first step in understanding the neural basis of mother-infant attachment.

SOURCE: Pediatrics, July 2008.

Source

How to Write Poetry and Live Poetically

Free E-Course Lesson 4
Chapter 2, Part 1: Why We Need Poetry

This is important: All moments of meaning
in our lives are moments of the heart. —Anonymous

[At a ] Mind and Life Institute conference... at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts, in 2003, ... Eric S. Lander, Ph.D., a professor of molecular biology at MIT and the director of the Whitehead Institute/MIT Center for Genome Research, pointed out that while Buddhist practices emphasize attaining increased levels of mental awareness, the focus of modern science has rested on refining ways to restore mentally ill patients to a state of normalcy.... “Why stop there?” he asked the audience. “Why are we satisfied with saying we’re not mentally ill? Why not focus on getting better and better?” —Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, The Joy of Living *

Everybody wants to be happy. Everybody wants Good Feelings. We are spiritual beings whose natural attributes are joy and peace. Our native habitat is the Here and Now, and life is “a parade of odd and wonderful events." **

It’s that simple, really it is. So why do we need prenuptial agreements, social workers, car alarms, and the like?

Keeping our Selves intact

Babies are born expecting happiness. Insisting upon it. “I am hungry,” they wail. “This is unacceptable. It is not a Good Feeling.” Their wants and needs are identical.

Newborn babies broadcast their dissatisfaction to the world at large. They don’t know who or what is going to take care of the problem, but, by God, they are not going to suffer in silence. ***

Before long, they perceive that it is not the world at large that responds to their demonstrations of discomfort but rather that every meal has a pleasing similarity and comes with a bonus: warmth and softness, swaying, and other lovely sensations. Soon they discover that the warmth and softness are attached to Something — the same Something that comes to the rescue when they, the babies, are cold or when another, smaller Something has dropped a Tonka truck onto them when they were just lying there cooing and watching dust motes cavort in a shaft of sunlight. The larger Something has the power to ease their pain and restore their little psyches to equilibrium.

Eventually, babies learn that they don’t have to let out all the stops when their tummies are empty. A little less effort with a little more focus achieves the desired result. They sense that a partnership has begun with the meal-providing-Tonka-truck-removing Something, and they find even her presence reassuring. Sometimes they make hungry noises when they’re not hungry, just for the warm, soft swaying. Their wants and needs are becoming differentiated.

Once they know the routine, they are at liberty to look around, wondering if there’s anything more to life. Wow, is there ever! It’s a veritable parade of odd and wonderful events. In no time at all, their world consists of not merely needs and wants but Extras—discoveries, surprises, sometimes unpleasant (like this afternoon’s chickenpox inoculation) but more often delightful.

There’s that pink glow in the morning, for instance. Patiently — they don’t have any pressing engagements — they watch the pearly light move across the wall, brighter, warmer and — oh, wow — suddenly it’s yellow, and it paints the teddy bears and the striped wallpaper and it moves toward the bed and brushes the tiny toes with yellow warmth, and the babies talk to it, and it talks back. They speak the same Language. They chat like old friends.

The mamas and the daddies, who are in the next room, smile and listen to the delighted cooing and burbling. The long-forgotten primal Language stirs a joy that had become almost dormant, and they relax into it as if it were a featherbed. For them, too, time stands still, and if they do have pressing engagements, these are trivial next to the conversation of sunlight and innocence.

For many stay-at-home mothers, these are golden days, and gone too soon.**** In my own experience, there has been no more blessed time than the early months of parenthood... feeling the physical and emotional surge of pleasure when breastfeeding... having the almost godlike ability to supply everything the baby needs and more besides... bathing and powdering and dressing the baby in clean, soft clothes... covering her with a light blanket when it’s warm or enclosing her in a sturdy sleeper if it’s chilly... placing her cradle near a window so she can watch the sunlight dance among the petunias in the window box and ruffle the eucalyptus leaves on the big tree in the backyard... arranging my life so that there is nothing clamoring for my time besides caring for the baby, tidying up the house, and preparing dinner for the rest of the family.

There is a transient sense of power, especially with the first baby. I felt that her father and I would be able to keep her safe throughout her childhood, though I knew we could not, and should not, always shield her from disappointment.

And so, for a few months, the baby is the center of the universe. Her demands are met almost instantaneously.

If I am the baby, feeling the warm sunlight on my toes and listening to my mother hum as she folds my diapers (I am a baby who was born when mothers still laundered diapers), I am thinking that life is pretty sweet, and I smile and laugh a lot, and everybody else smiles and laughs when I do.

I have noticed, however, that when I am hungry in the dark of night, my mother is less and less cheerful and accommodating. Then comes the time when I wake up and cry, signaling that I am hungry, or perhaps just lonely, and my mother comes in and holds me for a minute and talks to me and maybe even gives me a little water, but she doesn’t feed me. She goes away, and I cry for a while, but she doesn’t come back. So I wear myself out crying, and I go back to sleep, and soon I don’t wake up at night any more.

Oh, wow! I can move! My bear is over there, and I am over here, but if I wiggle and squirm a certain way, I can get over there. There are other things over there, too, shiny things, and I reach for them, and my mother says, “No!” in a Different Voice. And for the first time I am thwarted.

As time goes on, it becomes more and more obvious that I cannot always have what I want, but I’m not sure why. Apparently other people have wants and needs too. I am playing with other toddlers, and one of them, Ethan, has a bear sort of like mine, and I try to take it but Ethan holds it tight. I want it, Ethan has it, so as night follows day, I bite him. Everyone speaks crossly to me and makes a big fuss over Ethan. I am not the center of the universe any more.

Ð

This is where parenthood gets tricky. How do you find the balance between giving your child freedom to explore and keeping him from hurting himself or someone else? How do you convey that his wants and desires are important and at the same time teach him to compromise or negotiate with people whose wants and desires conflict with his? How can you help him learn that it is in his long-term interest to suffer disappointments, failures, separations from his parents—delayed gratification, in short—when (a) he has no clear concept of the future, and (b) you’re still learning those lessons yourself?

Most parents accomplish all this, more or less clumsily, because their biological and emotional need to protect is at war with the imperative of allowing independence and teaching self-reliance. Ideally, they do it in baby steps, so to speak, letting out the leash slowly and gradually. Sometimes the lessons are sudden and brutal, imposed by crisis.

It’s comparatively easy for a child to learn to function within the nuclear family—the home team, as it were. If there’s only one ice-cream cup in the freezer, and both little Rupert and little Helga want the ice-cream cup, Daddy is not going to run out and buy another ice-cream cup. Rupert and Helga each get half, or Rupert gets the ice-cream cup and Helga gets the Popsicle, or some other arrangement is made that is not completely satisfactory but is better than nothing.

As the child’s comfort zone expands—she goes to play group, to school, to church, to the park, and to the supermarket—she has to adapt her expectations to ever-more-conflicting wants. The way her elders deal with these conflicts determines, in part, how much of her essential self she will surrender. Well-meaning but misguided Sunday-school teachers might convey to her that she must always consider the wants and needs of other people before her own. Since other people have unending and urgent wants and needs, she might conclude that hers are of no value.

Ideally, however, she will learn that she has God-given abilities that are pleasing to her and that meet a particular need of her universe—that she is here for a reason, and that in discovering that reason she will give and receive more joy than she knew the universe could hold.

• monday nap:  after lying with him for 1 hour he fell asleep; slept for 2 hours; got out of bed to find me when he woke up
• monday night:  brad said go for it and see what happens; stayed with him for just over an hour until he was asleep; slept until 5:42am; woke up crying but settled down immediately when brad crawled in bed with him ( i slept terribly b/c i was so worried about him waking up confused and upset in the middle of the night )
• tuesday nap:  laid in bed for 30 minutes before i got antsy; told him i'd be back to check on him; he got up twice and I put him back down each time; after a total of 1 1/2 hours he fell asleep; slept for 2 hours; woke up crying but stayed in bed waiting for me to get him
• tuesday night:  late night, didn't get home unil after 9:30; stayed in bed with him for about 10 minutes; told him to go to sleep; he was asleep within half an hour; slept until 6:15ish; looked at books in bed until i went in his room at 7 (never cried for me to come get him!!!)

i seriously had a 4 week gradual plan of how i would transition him from me being there until he fell asleep to not needing me in there.  he's a pro!  he already doesn't need me in there.  i'm going to attempt to read him one book at naptime in a few minutes and then leave.  we'll see how long it takes for him to fall asleep or if he gets up several times.  let's just hope he doesn't want his crib back the second he sees that his sister will be getting it. . . .

I'm worried about my grandson. Both his parents are deaf and he uses a pacifier. I've decided to home school for 1 year to bring his language up by more one on one. One of my concerns is he doesn't know his colors. Should he know his colors by age 3?

Response:

Whether he knows his colors at age 3 depends on when his birthday is... if he is almost 3.5 years old - yes, he should be able to at least point to things that are of a certain color. For example, you say, "show me the green grass" and he should be able to do that if he has been introduced to colors. If he hasn't been introduced, you need to start now. Most children have the ability to name colors and find objects of a particular color by age 4 and many by age 3.

Don't worry... just make it a priority. Here is why... language depends upon oral (receptive) understandings and directions. You describe things for others to internalize. However, think about it, if you ask your grandson to get you his blue shoes - would he be able to participate in your conversation and meet your expectations? Not if he doesn't know what BLUE looks like. He needs to hear and use descriptive vocabulary as much as possible. We would expect him to be a little delayed due to his environment with both parents being deaf. However, that is not an internal developmental delay - it is an external environmental delay, which sounds like to me, you are ready to change by homeschooling him. You are right to homeschool him but don't get caught up in the "workbook" and "coloring book" craze. Coloring is great and necessary but workbooks at his age are unacceptable.

Think about it... what did you ever fill out a worksheet to learn? Did you fill out a worksheet to learn to bake a cake, drive a car, ride a bike, spell your name, or anything else? NO... worksheets don't build dendrites in the brain. Experiences and rich environments build brain power. Your grandson needs to see and hear lots of nursery rhymes right now. He needs to EXPLORE the environment to learn colors and shapes (another thing that most 3.5 year olds know) and he needs to be counting to 10 orally each day. Hang the alphabet in your house and get excited about reading it yourself. Play with magnetic letters and numbers. By age four, he should be able to recognize his name when he sees it - and really your name, mom's name and dad's name.

He needs to hear 30,000 words or more a day. He needs to be read to at least 30 minutes to 1 hour in total a day. He needs to listen to and follow at least one direction independently and he needs to begin dressing and undressing himself at first with help and then alone by age 4 1/2.

Sincerely,

Tracey Bryant Stuckey

Chief Creative Learning Officer

www.wigglegigglelearn.com

http://traceybryantstuckey.com

Parents often seek assistance in selecting the right toys at the most ideal stage of their child's development. Many toys are designed for particular ages based on safety concerns; however, many others are designed to specifically encourage the development of certain abilities in a child.In this article we will explore the fundamental skills developed by infants at varying ages, and the types of toys that can encourage children to reach their potential.

The Baby's 1st Year
In the first year of a baby's life, they begin exploring and experimenting with their most important senses:

Sound & Smell – In the first instance babies begin to match voices with certain faces and facial expressions, mainly from being held, fed and nurtured. Likewise, certain smells can be recognised and associations are gradually made. As they begin to establish these social attachments they become more receptive to different sounds and smells. Toys with sound and music that react to a child's action are especially good at this stage, and simply letting your baby smell something and then see it can encourage development in this area.

Touch & Sight – As babies begin to take a little control of their hands; touching and feeling things become an important part of an infant's development. Similarly, as sight becomes clearer, babies become more receptive to visual aids. Toys for this age are designed to enhance and encourage these traits. Toys should be for seeing, hearing and touching - this encourages the child to respond to the sights and sounds they see and hear. Picture books with sound, teddy bears with different textures and pulley toys that respond to a child's movement are especially beneficial after 6 months old. Toys in bright, monochromic colours can also help to stimulate eyesight in the first year of a child's life.

Ages 1 to 2
This stage is an important time for developing independence and important social skills that will never be lost. Between the ages of 1 and 2 it is surprising how rapidly a child develops from a tentative toddler saying only 1 or 2 words, to a confident child able to easily run and speak around 50 individual words.

From the age of 1, infants begin taking an interest in the effects of their manipulation, and it is very fun to sit back and watch children at this age. They particularly enjoy throwing toys and building things, so building blocks Duplo, and stickle bricks are fantastic toys at this age for encouraging hand and eye coordination, as well as a sense of balance.

From around 18 months, infants are able to walk very well and can run to an extent. When objects are in the way - running can prove difficult. However, with their newfound freedom, children love to explore and try everything out, without a sense of danger, so toys that encourage active play at this age are well received. Balls, Sit n' Rides , Activity Stations, toys that speak or make noises and toys of characters they see on TV are advantageous additions to a toy box at this age - they will encourage children to play actively, and it will also help them sleep well at bed time (an added bonus!).

Language progression is also crucial at this age. Children will begin responding when spoken to and chattering away when playing. This makes it important for adults to talk to children in conversations, read stories and sing nursery rhymes whenever possible.

Ages 2 Years +
As a child turns two years old their abilities in counting and speaking becomes clearer, and bodily strength in running and climbing becomes more refined.
At the turn of two years old, toys that have movement and sound and allow the child to throw and drop are ideal, as they will help to refine their physical strengths. Toys that allow the children to push themselves along, such as sit 'n' ride toys that allow children to steer are very desirable.
As they approach 3 years old, outdoor toys such as climbing frames and garden swings are great. Children at this age have good spatial awareness, and refined bodily strength. They can move large toys easily, kick balls forcefully and they also have the ability to use pedals on a bike.
An infant's imagination will develop greatly at this age as well, which is why dressing up and a fascination with make believe is noticeable. Doll sets, action figures, train sets and such toys are favourable at this age and help children express themselves and explore their independence. Children will also start to play with others and learn social skills through play. Cooperation and taking turns are examples of skills that will become extremely important both at a young age and throughout life.
Showing off new skills to family is also a very common trait for children around 3 years and upwards. Toys that mimic adult tasks, such as vacuum cleaners, cookers, shop tills and lawn mowers are especially good for engaging with a child.
While we have focussed on the initial, most advancing years of a child's life in this article, toys have been proven to encourage creativity, self-confidence and academic skills throughout every stage of childhood.

About the Author:

Having once owned the second largest toyshop in the UK, the owners of Toys Direct to Your Door (http://www.toysdirecttoyourdoor.co.uk/) have been in the toy business for over 40 years. Today, they continue to proudly provide quality
children's toys across the globe.

The company stock a wide variety of toys, ranging from popular Playmobil, Baby Anabell and Thomas the Tank Engine toys, Lego and Duplo, train sets and doll houses and lots more.

Article Source:

http://www.articlesbase.com/babies-articles/the-impact-of-toys-in-child-development-381107.html

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We don't need to "instruct" them. We just need to set up the right sort of situation, sit back, watch and be there to catch them if they fall (physically and emotionally). We need to get out of the habit of trying to keep them busy. Instead, let's give them a bucket and a magnifying lens (some blocks and a toy truck, a scarf and a doll), take a deep breath, sit back and watch what unfolds. By being careful observers of our children, we can learn so much! We will begin to notice how they learn, gain a new appreciation and trust for them as capable individuals and, eventually, learn to wait to step in and lend a hand only at those critical moments that enable a new level of learning to happen.

It's a bit like traveling from coast to coast. You can hop on a plane and get their quickly. You might not know exactly where you are or how far it is from where you started, but you have a general idea, and hey, you're there! Or you can travel by car, train or bike. You'll get there at your own pace and you'll know exactly where you are, how you got there, and how far it is from where you started (and learned so much more "extra" stuff along the way)!

Our class schedule is always posted on our website at http://sifukyle.googlepages.com and you may come by our academy to pick up our monthly schedule to see what kind of seminars we are holding for the month, and when our sparring nights are.  I am hoping to add new monthly events to our calender in the month of August as well, step training up another notch not that we have some students who have been around a while, some are even assisting in teaching themselves now.

For smaller kids such 3-5 I would like to remind the parents, if they're fast classes seem bad not to be discouraged. At this age kids have trouble staying focused and their mind tends to wonder, but that is one of the best reasons to have them in there. I often see parents pull their kids out who could really use the martial arts training based on one class because they think they're children did bad. Remember Martial Arts is a skill that requires time to develop, and you should not expect a major result for at least a couple of months. I recommend trying for 3 months and seeing how they do.  We also give a %5 discount for every 3 months paid in advance, and 1 free uniform for 1 year paid in advance.

 I hope everyone had a good summer and I'll be looking forward to many of my students returning from their vacations, if anyone or their children want to join feel free to call the academy at 479-464-4770 or email me at chinesekenpokungfu@hotmail.com

I have a 3.5 year old daughter.  I am a stay-at-home mom.  I have always put learning first in our home and she seems to be ahead of others her age or a little older.  Is the hard work and time I have invested in her education going to backfire when she goes to school?  Will she be bored and unchallenged?  I have friends who say they aren't working as hard as I do because they don't want their child to be bored.  I don't want to think like them but I seem to be out-numbered every time this subject comes up.

Response:

Mediocre attitudes lead to mediocre lives!  You are making all of the right choices for your little girl.  Good kindergarten teachers are able to teach to an individual child's needs and build forward on their strengths.  As a kindergarten teacher for 15 years, I cringed when parents would introduce themselves and their child to me that way.  Almost proud of doing nothing to make my life (as the teacher) easier, saying things like,  "Well... we didn't want her to be a behavior problem and we didn't want her to be bored in your class so we decided to limit how much we have taught her." 

Barbaric and unbelievable, but yes... well within the norm for some parents -I see it as a "cop-out."  They don't know what to do so they do very little.  Enrolling their children in expensive extra-curricular activities that many times over stimulate little ones, overscheduled parents and the children and leave little time for developing the imagination, which is critical for optimal brain development. 

When the time comes and your little one goes off to school you will feel proud of your accomplishments and her love for learning.  If you believe the teacher will be appreciative of your child's gifts and love for learning, then that is what you will receive. 

You will have a chance to meet with your child’s teacher prior to school starting.  You should share what you have been doing at home and where you think she needs more assistance.  Let the teacher know how willing you are to do extra activities at home.  Kindergarten teachers trust parents to offer lots of information that will support them in the classroom.  The transition is a difficult one for many five year olds, therefore we want to keep a certain sense of normal in their day.

Speaking for all teachers of young children, "we LOVE parents like you!"  You are providing a path for us to teach your child much more than we might have dreamed of teaching.  Kindergarten teachers like to (and, have to) teach more than the ABC's and 123's, buttoning, zipping, tying and washing hands. 

Today's kindergarten is yesterday's first grade.  Standards are higher and the No Child Left Behind act is making accountability tough.  I might suggest that your friends take a few hours to visit some kindergarten classrooms to see what kindergarten is really like. 

Good luck and bless you for your hard work!

Tracey Bryant Stuckey

Chief Creative Learning Officer

www.wigglegigglelearn.com

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Of course vocabulary development was of extreme importance in our home, since I am a teacher of young children, I know the benefits.  I also used Dr. Titzer's video program titled, Your Baby Can Read.  It was the supplemental resource I needed to boost my child's vocabulary beyond what I was already doing with the learning plans.

How did I know he could read?  Well, he was in the bath with one of his bathtub (plastic) books and he pointed to the word bubble and said, "Bubble."  I was, myself, amazed at this because all I had ever done with that book was read it while he was playing in the tub.  Therefore, I turned the page and pointed to the word bubble again and sure enough, he read "bubble."  Before I started calling the neighbors, friends and family I had to test him even more.  I pointed to the word "toes" and he read it! I pointed to the word "bath" and he read it!  I hadn't heard him read a single word before this day and on this day he read over 30 different words to me around the house.  My 20 months of developing vocabulary had paid off!  I called everyone and now at age four, he reads as well as a second grade student.  The sweet irony here:  my husband is extremely dyslexic and this gene runs strong in his family.  My husband struggles to this day to read and write and now... because I started early, my child will not have to suffer this frustrating disorder.

Tracey Bryant Stuckey

Chief Creative Learning Officer

www.wigglegigglelearn.com

My child is 3 years and 3 monthes old ,She speaks two words sentences ,she can repeat almost every word told
to her ,but the other children in her age speaks three or four words sentences ,and they can pronounce the
words clearer than her .I don't know why ? does that mean she is less clever ? I see that she observes things
a lot ..she loves watching the series at TV ..she loves watching people..on TV ..She imitate me and others in
every thing even in cooking and washing the dishes...What do you think ?Why she is not talking like other
children ..Is that normal ?Is she clever ? Iam worried about that ..

First response:

Several things could be going on here but I need more information to better support you.
1. Is your child learning to speak more than one language in your home?
2. How many hours a day does she watch television?
3. Is she an only child?
4. Has she ever attended any formal preschool or daycare setting?
5. When she speaks the two-word phrases - can you understand those two words very clearly, somewhat clearly or it depends?

Many children continue to speak in two-word phrases at this age and small tweaks to their environments, learning activities and amount of television viewing usually
change this within a matter of months.  The best thing to do is figure out how to model more with longer sentences and the worst thing to do is punish her for not speaking in longer sentences.

Try not to worry - this is definitely NOT a sign that your child lacks intelligence.  She is more than likely extremely clever!  It is comforting for me to hear that she is imitating you and your actions.  It is also a good sign that she is so observant.

More details:

The unexpected thing that dawned on me was that those videos were from the 'Before Time.' They were made about two months before we knew we were looking at a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy for Roo, and long before we knew anything about Autism. Like most people, Autism was just an abstract concept to us. It was this thief-in-the-night type thing that went around snatching little boys, turning them into all-rock, no-talk hollow shells of children with crucial pieces missing from their puzzling lives, while their devastated parents could only hunt for a cause and a cure for this 'disease.' We were essentially ignorant of all things Autistic, save for the few half-truths and misguided metaphors we'd picked up from the odd bits of media coverage. Autism was not something we had to think or worry about back then. Which is probably a good thing since we already had our hands and minds full. But almost immediately, I felt a pang of envy watching that younger, more naive me playing and singing with my babies. I was gloriously unaware that raising those babies would be complicated by the many bumps and detours in Autism Land. Carefree compared to the me of today. Seeing the bliss in my own past ignorance made tears well up in my eyes.

Then, as I watched these little vignettes of Neener and Roo at seven months old, I couldn't help but look for signs that might have hinted at the road ahead. Especially since doctors and researchers now think they can spot early indicators of autism by six months of age. Of course, there were many things that we, and the many doctors we dealt with, missed along the way. But they only seem obvious in retrospect. Roo lagged a bit in her gross and fine motor skills. And she had some quirks: A serious aversion to certain sounds, and any kind of talking toys; spells of staring off into space; selective hearing and odd eye contact; no fear of unfamiliar faces or places. And even as a baby, there was always something different about her vocalizations, her cooing, and her speech development, compared to Neener's. Something I could never quite put my finger on, and ultimately didn't worry about because all the professionals I spoke to and the books I consulted told me not to. From the time she was two months old, Roo was on medication for grand-mal seizures, so much of her odd behaviour was chalked up to her daily dose of phenobarbital. And she never exhibited any of those big red flags that the handy little autism awareness checklists and pamphlets in the paediatrician's office tell you to look for. Those same handy checklists and pamphlets also happened to lead my cousin to spend a few thousand dollars in speech therapy, and many nights in worried tears over the development of her very un-autistic son. Meanwhile, my actually-autistic daughter slipped beneath the radar for years because no one knew or thought to look beyond the narrow parameters of a checklist, and the even narrower assumptions of how an autistic child looks and acts.

I also wondered if we would have done anything differently if we'd known about Roo's autism when she was a baby. Probably. Would it have been better for her and for us? Maybe not. As much as I understand the benefit and logic of early intervention, I think for us, there could have been such a thing as too-early intervention. Knowing too much too soon could have quickly and permanently tipped my careful balance between stress and bliss too far in the wrong direction. Granted, I do wish we'd realized it was autism we were dealing with - and not just a defiant, disobedient child - a little earlier than we did. I might have been more patient and more understanding with Roo in those million little moments when it just seemed like she was being a spoiled brat, and trying to push my buttons. But then again, if we'd known any sooner, it might have influenced our decision to have another baby. I was almost two months pregnant with Squiggles when we got the first official inkling that Roo was autistic, and the actual diagnosis came a week before Squiggles was born. I can't say for sure that we'd have done things very differently, but I tend to believe that the Universe unfolds as it does, when it does, for a reason. At least, my Universe does.

Even though it's been a while since I've written a postcard from Autism Land, my regular posts - not to mention the day-to-day life of the Blister family - always have the threads of life on the autism spectrum woven throughout. Sometimes it's stuff we can laugh at. Like the immense and loudly expressed joy Mr. and I felt when Roo was able to restrain herself from eating old stepped-on french fries from the floor of MacDonalds after only three verbal warnings. God, that was a great day! And other times, it's anything but funny. The busyness of the last few weeks, and the sheer effort Roo makes just to hold herself together in so many contexts, has been catching up with us lately. We've had to extinguish multiple meltdowns, try to decipher many bouts of frustrated echolalia, and be vigilant in looking out for her safety when she has trouble doing it for herself. It is clear that even though we've moved half way across the country, we are still passport carrying citizens of Autism Land, just as we were back when those videos were made. Even though we didn't know it then.

I still don't have the luxury of time to dwell on the difficulties of our circumstances, or to sit around feeling sorry for myself or for Roo. She's the same smiling, laughing, loving child she was in those videos, just older and a little more complicated. I'm older and perhaps more complicated too. But I'm also wiser. Wise enough to be glad that I didn't know then what I know now. Wise enough to trust that my Universe has unfolded as it should. And wise enough to know when it's time to stop analyzing old home movies, put Autism Land to the back of my mind, and go play a little game called Fluppy Dog with my three beautiful giggling, wiggling little girls.

Repetition Babies and Toddlers learn through repetition. Each time they are exposed to new objects or experiences, new neural connections are made in their brains. It is through repetition that these connections are strengthened and that learning occurs. Each Kindermusik curriculum is designed to repeat certain activities in part because of this important connection between repetition and learning.

Steady Beat One of the first musical skill we develop is the ability to keep a steady beat. This skill is extremely important, of course, for future musical experiences, but it is also important in everyday life. Think of all we do that requires regularly paced repeated motion: walking, running, riding a bicycle, cutting with scissors, bouncing a ball and so much more.

Vestibular System The vestibular system, which controls balance and coordination, is stimulated during movement. Once stimulated, it wakes up the brain and helps it take in new information. By moving to music with your child, her brain is alert and open to learning.

Sign Language Introducing signing to hearing babies has the benefit of allowing an adult and baby to communicate before the baby’s vocal chords are developed enough to speak. This silent but powerful communication system raises self-esteem, eliminates the frustration of not being able to communicate, and engages baby as an active participant in the learning environment.

Movement From birth, babies’ movements are developing from reflexive to intentional. Moving their arms and legs during the exercise activity helps them gain control over their muscles, making movements deliberate.

Language Development Label, label, label! Your child begins to understand language through a process called “receptive language.” Your baby may not be saying actual words, but every word you say to her is heard and processed. Be sure to label everything – movements, objects, feelings, colors, everything. Before you know it, her language acquisition will become “expressive” as she begins to use her tongue and mouth muscles to produce desired words.

“Epo I Tai Tai E” is a traditional song from New Zealand. Having been passed from culture to culture around the world the origin and meaning of this song has become obscured over time. The possible translations are: “I will not be sad, I will be happy” or “Here is a strong man, who fights like a bull”

She then proceeded to say that smarts, the IQ kind, are not everything. I agree. They aren't. It brought up an interesting topic because it made me realize how much emphasis many parents put on their children being "smart" and ahead of their peers that they lose focus of the real talents and abilities of the child. Are we too focused on smarts? On getting our kids into the Ivy League schools? On having them make top of the class?

Smarts are great, but they aren't everything and, let's face it, not every kid is going to Harvard. Yet just because a child isn't a brainiac doesn't mean that they are of less worth. God created every child differently and the "smart" ones are no more valuable than the more artistic children or athletic children.  I believe that as parents we are to love who God created our children to be, whether that be a mathlete or an artiste. We sometimes focus so much on creating little Baby Einsteins that we lose sight of other abilities and talents our children may have.  We should be grateful for the blessing that God has given us in our children, we shouldn't use our children as a source of boasting or pride.

If you try comparing your child to another child of the same age you will almost always find that in certain areas your child comes up ahead and in others they lag behind. And that is completely normal. No child is good at everything and no child is bad at everything. Every person has their talents and their shortcomings. 

That's why it's ridiculous to try to compare kids in things like who walked earliest or who talked earliest. God didn't give us children to use as bragging tools. He didn't give us children to puff up our own ego and just simply show off. God gave us children to love and nurture, to raise up in His way, not to use as a way of self-exhalation. We should cherish the fact that our children are healthy, thriving little people given unique talents. Our kids are amazing, but not because of what they do but because of the blessing that they are.

Likewise, I know many parents that feel lost when it comes to choosing a child care or preschool for their cherished little ones. Our earliest schooling memories are usually from elementary school. "Academic" learning is what we are familiar with, so naturally that's what we look for as we search for the perfect learning environment for our young children.

Today I came across an article in Child Care Information Exchange magazine that may help teachers communicate a young child's learning needs to parents and help parents understand what they should be looking for in a quality program. So, no matter which end of the parent/teacher relationship you most relate to, this article is worth reading. It's entitled "The Child's Job: Talking to Parents about Child Development". In it the author encourages us to "think about children as being born with a job to do. Their job is to live their lives, learn about the world, and develop into the very best people that they can be." It's a big job and a quality early childhood environment will support our children every step of the way.

How do you handle a child who is completely out of control behaviorally? Some people tell me, “oh it is just his age and he will ‘outgrow’ it” still others look at me as if I have no control over my child. People stare and make comments (including my in-laws) that both anger and sadden me. I feel like a failure and he is only 3 years old. Is there such a thing as good and bad behaviors at each age?

Response:

This is a very good question. It might just be the most popular question parents ask in today’s society. There really is not one definitive answer because every person’s situation is different and no two visions of what is acceptable versus unacceptable behavior exist. There are social and emotional milestones for children at each age but children could be 3 to 6 months ahead of or behind these milestones and the behavior would still be appropriate for that age. Therefore, the best thing I can do for you is provide some strategies for you to use to increase appropriate behaviors and decrease the inappropriate, disruptive ones.

Before we get to the list, I am compelled to say that we must always begin with ourselves when there is a problem. Maybe we aren’t being consistent enough, maybe we are expecting too much of our little one or maybe we are trying to compare one child’s temperament to another. All of the aforementioned problems I am plead guilty to at one time or another. However, I realized none of those things were changing my son’s behavior instead making it worse. I had used the excuse for long enough that I was a kindergarten teacher. I could control 30 five-year olds by myself with no problems but then there was my one and only three year old that I seemingly could do nothing right in regards to modifying his behavior. I had to do different to have different.

• First, I looked at who my child was.
• Then I observed him for one solid week to see what made him tick. I wasn’t observing how good the neighbor’s child was or how nicely other children behaved in the grocery store like I had done other day. Just him… he had my undivided attention for the week.
• Finally, I told everyone I could think of about MY problem with creating a discipline plan for him and how hard it was for me to remain positive amiss his terrible behavior.

What happened next was amazing. Everyone began supporting me with positive praise and I in turn supported him with positive praise. His bad choices slowly and steadily declined while his good choices increased daily. We were both happier. I was happier for having learned not to be so judgmental and he for having a more consistent and positive parent. I began focusing on the behavior as "bad choices" instead of the child being a "bad child." I began teaching my child how I wanted him to behave instead of thinking he should just know better because other children seem to "know better."

Here are some strategies I learned to use both as a parent and educator:

Children don’t develop good ‘reasoning’ skills until they are at least six years old

and older for some children. Saying things like, “you know better” or “how do you

think mommy feels?” will not work with young children. You might get lucky a

few times but it certainly will not be consistent. Therefore, remember that you are

talking to a child and not a little adult. This is the most difficult part of being a

parent but also the most rewarding when you are successful at communicating

with your child.

• Get on your child’s eye level and make direct eye contact before giving an instruction.
• If your child can speak well enough, ask him to repeat what you asked him to do
• Give one direction at a time, not in a long list.
• Physical contact (touching his shoulder or back) can help your child focus
• Understand your child’s age well enough to know how long and in what ways he is truly able to play “by himself” or behave in a certain manner, so you don’t get frustrated when your expectations are too high

Strategies for maintaining structure

• Establish predictable routines for morning and evening.
• Break everything down into small steps with three to four words in a step (for example: 1. clothes off 2. in the tub 3. wash myself 4. dry off 5. get dressed
• Take pictures of your child completing tasks (such as the ones above) and place the photos on a piece of poster board in order for a visual cue. Look at the chart together and celebrate each time he accomplishes a task to teach persistence and build self-esteem.
• Keep your child busy with scheduled, supervised activities, but don’t pile on so many that the child is overwhelmed.
• Insufficient sleep makes attention problems worse, so insist that your child have a regular bedtime and enough rest – see number of hours for your child by clicking here
• Being over-stimulated, overtired or hungry easily creates frustration which leads to tantrums so plan ahead to reduce these problems

Strategies for using rules and time-outs

• Always review rules (short and no more than 3 to 5 rules) before entering a new environment or an environment you don’t frequent often – SIDE NOTE: Rules are what you want to see and not what you don’t want to see
• Set household rules and behavioral goals (as early as two years of age) and adhere to them consistently
• Time-out should be a condition for the child and not a punishment (using it this way will teach the child over time to remove himself from bad situations and how to calm himself)
• Use time out as a place for “decompression” and removal from the family unit.
• Practice going to time out when your child is making good choices - how to sit still and quiet. Time out is where you go when you make bad choices but helps us, too!
• You have to be the model and pretend to be in time out, too.
• Your child should sit in the time out chair or spot for 1 minute per year of age. Time should start after your child sits still and quiet (this applies to 3.5 year olds and older)
• Do not talk to your child during a tantrum, it is meaningless and accomplishes nothing. When he is calm tell him in a short phrase why he went to time out and then practice what he should do next time together.
• Learn to “smell the roses” (breathe in a deep breath) and “blow out the birthday candles” (blow out a deep breath, as if you are blowing out candles) when you are upset and teach this strategy to your child. This technique is a visual cue that the other person (mommy, daddy or the child) is upset and a stress-reliever that reduces your yelling/screaming.

Strategies for improving organization and time management

• Set up your home in an organized way: a place for everything and everything in its place.
• Allow enough time for what your child needs to do to become independent, such as getting undressed, getting dressed, putting on shoes, bathing oneself, eating with utensils, pouring a drink, etc...
• Build a family schedule and try hard to stick to it – make sure there is a balance between active times and quiet times for your child.

Good luck and best wishes for an abundance of happy days -

Tracey Bryant Stuckey

Chief Creative Learning Officer

www.wigglegigglelearn.com

http://traceybryantstuckey.com

I have a 3 year old son and an almost 2 year old daughter. My little girl seems to know more and do more than my little boy even though she is 13 months younger. Is this normal for girls to be ahead of boys in development?

Response:

In early childhood, girls are often times ahead of boys. They potty train earlier and easier, speak sooner and with greater substance in their use of vocabulary and they typically play quieter and by themselves better. However, boys tend to catch up and surpass girls somewhere around third grade. If you were to compile a list of valedictorians and salutatorians in high schools around your area, I bet you would find only one in three or four are females.

Why is this? Mostly because teachers tend to teach to a child’s strengths which is clearly a love for active learning on the part of boys. The boys are naturally inclined to want to perform in math and science because it involves hands-on work. Girls in school, on the other hand, are typically pleasers. They are able to sit quietly and wait their turn. They complete an assignment exactly as it was prescribed because they are “pleasers.” Boys tend to add more creative flair to assignments, think outside the box because it is hard to keep even one foot inside the box and they receive more one-on-one assistance to stay on task. Girls are many times more attracted to getting the answers “right” and turning in assignments that are “pleasing to the eye.” Boys, on the other hand, well… they are completely opposite for the most part.

As with anything, there are exceptions to ever generality and what is important to note here is that those exceptions occur most often when parents create a home learning environment and schedule that provides a balance between active and quiet learning toys and activities on a regular basis.

Boys tend to have a learning style that requires them to process new ideas through kinesthetic means (touching). Toddler and preschool boys are often defined as ACTIVE and INVESTIGATIVE, CURIOUS and QUICK. Everything needs to be made into a game for boys. Even learning to dress themselves and bathe themselves must be a game. For example, call out a body part for him to wash and then another quickly, etc... Your boys will love it!

Think about the toys that both girls and boys are introduced to at early ages. Girls are given baby dolls, tea sets and Hello Kitty sticker/notebook sets. All of which require nurturing and careful attention to fine motor coordination (hand/finger movements) while playing calmly. Boys are given trucks, cars, balls, trains and anything else they can move with and chase. All of which require crashing, banging, running, jumping and gross motor (large muscle movements) while playing in a robust way.

In a sense, we train our boys to learn actively and use less fine motor movements (limiting their ability to produce superior handwriting, typing, coloring and so much more) while we provide a very different play experience for girls which doesn’t offer them much opportunity for gross motor movements (balance, coordination and physical muscle development good for sports).

Parents often say, “I wish I could get him to settle down some.” The short answer is you can if you provide a calm and settling environment where the materials promote quiet and still play. His schedule should include active and quiet times during the day. The materials for active play are very different from those of quiet play. Re-evaluate your child’s toys, environment and schedule to see where slight changes can help re-focus his mood and energy.

Most importantly, continue to look at your children as individuals. No two children are ever going to be alike and they will not necessarily grow and develop at the same rate. Be positive, praise his and her effort on new tasks and continue to look within yourself for changes that can be made to provide differentiated opportunities to them both.

Sincerely,

Tracey Bryant Stuckey

Chief Creative Learning Officer

www.wigglegigglelearn.com

http://traceybryantstuckey.com