My theme park idea is going well so far. I think I might have to spread them out over the summer though, (just because of cost) and possibly culminate it in Alton Towers (my eldest assures me that this is the ‘daddy’ of theme parks). I took them all to Drayton Manor yesterday and it was a perfect start to the theme park strategy. It’s a fairly small park but it’s got all the upside-down scary rides for my elder ones and then it’s got the fantastic (and very shiny-new!) Thomas World for my youngest. My little ‘un loves Thomas the Tank Engine and so we went on all the rides in the Isle of Sodor together while the others went off by themselves. I’m thinking Chessington World of Adventures next as that has a zoo too (we didn’t get to see much of the zoo at Drayton Manor unfortunately).
I’m also thinking about finding a lido near me to take my kids too. To me, a lido just epitomizes summer. I love all the old ‘30s ones, there’s a real sense of history about them. However, the one in Aldershot looks really good, with slides and all sorts that I know my boys would love. If I wanted to go all history on them we could take a little road trip to Cirencester as the one there is by a castle then afterwards we could go and look at all the roman history stuff there! What do you all reckon?

The girls enjoyed the Flying Jumbos, Tiny Truckers, Toadie Cars, and the Carousel, all found in ToyTown. Beth loved the Runaway Train, and Amy was quite upset that I wouldn't let her have a go! Unfortunately I couldn't persuade Beth to ride The Vampire.. but given a couple of years, I think she'll give in!

My other favourite ride to watch is Rameses Revenge.. although I can't understand why people would want to put themselves through that! LOL

Of course, the nice thing about Chessington is that it's not all about the rides. We enjoyed seeing the big cats and the gorillas, and the new Sealife Aquarium is a great addition.

All in all, a great day out.. but a very tiring one! :)

 The day was really enjoyable and I got a nice surprise when we looked at the big cats as there was a young cub following its mother around. I managed to get a few shots of the pair.

The sealion show was also very good as usual and I knew that during the show one of the sealions jumps out of the water to hit a small ball hanging above  the water. I really wanted to try to get a photo of the sealion jumping and so spent most of the display trying to get the camera set up as I was only going to get one chance.

Below is my best photos from the day.

Well now all that gushing is out of the way, I'll give you guys a bit of a catch-up on what's been happening.

I'll start with May, as that's where I left off. Of course that's a while ago now, long enough ago for all the stuff I usually ramble about to have been long forgotten.

I'm pretty sure not much of interest happened in May actually. At the end of April I had (what I considered to be) a fantastic job interview with a pretty good language school. Well... it ended with the guy saying they'd be in touch about contracts bla, bla... and guess what? Nothing. So I emailed him back and got told someone better came along. That was a let down.

Also in May, I 'bought' an apartment out here with Looksorn. One of those female impulse buy things I think. It was a pretty nice place, reasonably priced, and in a sortof up-and-coming area of the city. Hasn't actually been built yet. It's on the BTS route as well... only that hasn't been built either. So global catastrophes and political meltdowns withstanding it should be completed in October next year. Where me n her will be then goodness knows.

And finally for May, I went to see Joey Negro just before coming back to the UK, that was really cool actually. First time I've got off my arse to see a DJ that I liked in a very long time, and well worth running myself into financial ruin. He played 'Ride the Rhythm' near the end of the night which rocked.

Incidentally that was also the night of my 'leaving do' at work which was nightmarish by comparison (to anything). I didn't get a say in what happened, we ended up going to the local Karaoke place in Central (despite me hating karaoke and not being able to sing). It was the girls from work, who I vaguely get on with, and Vincent, my headteacher, who I... don't. Forty minutes of chewing my way through the toughest steak ever listening to some er... singing (I guess you could call it that) while Vincent engaged me in 'conversation', i.e., him complaining about Thailand, Thai people, Thai politics, karaoke, China, Chinese people, Thai music, Thai food, western food cooked by Thai people, teaching, ECC, the girls from work, girls in general, his students, my students, students in general, Bangkok, Australia.... I was so fucking glad to get out of there. To be honest I think it just made going to see Joey Negro afterwards even better.

June was a bit different, since I came back to the UK for the month. The journey back was much better than in December, nobody had the misfortune to die this time round which was very considerate. When I did come back I was a fair bit poorer than the last time too, which was a bugger. Still, can't complain, it was nice to see England in the summer for the first time in 3 years.

Looksorn came over for the first couple of weeks too, but having done the whole tourist thing the last time she was less bothered about going anywhere this time around, so we spent the time just chilling, she got to see England in the sunshine for about 2 days as well. Met up with Ed and Kate, and spent an incredible amount of time looking at flowers in various places. Well, she enjoyed it which is the most important thing I guess, not to say I didn't like. We did also make it to Chessington World of Adventures which was a pretty awesome day out, has to be said.

As for me, I was just glad to be back for a bit, take in the surroundings as it were, see my folks again, and of course see my beautiful, gorgeous turntables. Spending time away from them is having a pretty negative effect as you'd guess. I can still beatmatch, but stringing a couple of tunes together is painful. I've made the decision the future will have to be digital, it's the only way, but money for CDJ's or even an MP3 mixing programme for the laptop is scarce now more than ever before. Fucking hate money. Its a pissing shitting cunt of a bitch. Sorry. Just how I feel right now.

After Looksorn went home, I spent the time doing incredibly little for the first time in a very long time. I admit I was appalling at staying in touch with just about anyone and I'm really sorry for that. If I'm honest though, I really needed that downtime. Arguably I didn't need to get hooked on Oblivion quite as much as I did.... but that's neither here nor there.

And then of course there was Manchester. Having finally gotten back in contact with the rest of humanity, Tom even managed to quite impressively organise a weekend up in Manc with the er 'nacent' Team Handsome - Tommy, Johnny, Bobby and Teddy (honestly. Could it sound any gayer? lol) Obligatory drinking, partying, deep reaching existential discussions and so forth were the order of the day, and much fun was had by all in boho Chorlton. Even a random phone call from Mike, fancy that... (though I don't think he was aware of our presence). something along the lines of fights with bouncers and being arrested for possession... some people never change eh? Anyway, good weekend and great to see everyone again.

After all that nonsense it was time to head back to Thailand. My transition back to the Kingdom was not a smooth one. 2 days prior some smart bastard decided that it was clearly the will of Allah to set a car on fire and drive into Glasgow airport. As if Allah doesn't have bigger things to worry about... But to cut a long ramble medium-length, this royally screwed things for me trying to use an airport to get somewhere. Plans were then made to get to Gatwick via the train. That was cool, you can do that from St.Albans, not too far away. It seemed the obvious answer.

Although after getting to St.Albans station, no train showed up. 3 minutes after it was supposed to get there, apparently it was announced it wasn't coming. For a developed nation, the UK's rail services sure are on the ball aren't they? So instead I had to get the next train into London. Having got that far I needed to get to London Victoria. I dragged all my bags towards the exit, used all my English teaching skills to explain yes, I know it says Gatwick on my ticket, and I know this isn't Gatwick airport, but I'm actually trying to get there. I then got guided to a shuttle bus outside the station, only to be told I needed to take the underground. So I hauled everything down to the underground, got on the train, only for it to stop after about 2 minutes because someone on the next train was sick and had pressed the emergency stop button.

Now in any other country in the world, what would have happened next is said next train would have got to the nearest station asap, offloaded sick passenger and the whole system would have been up and running as fast as possible. Of course being Britain, the emergency stop had to be confirmed by the driver, relayed to central control, the whole line shut down while the problem was verified, then the passenger got taken to the nearest station, very carefully and slowly taken off, and then the whole of the Victoria line had to be shut down again for a further 15 minutes. Britain, Britain, Britain, don't do anything quickly, especially if it's an emergency, or people might think you were rushing, and then goodness only knows! Think of what might happen! Think of all the undue worrying that might be incurred!

Fair to say I was pissed off. I had to drag all my stuff off the train, mission across to the other line, and change 2 more times before I finally made it to Victoria station, where nobody was around to help me, and no timetables gave any indication of when the next train was. If it was Thailand I would have been swamped by people giving me information. Finally found the train, and despite being terrified of missing the flight I didn't, everything went smoothly and I was back in Thailand after a fairly breezy 18 hours.

Right, times up, I'm hungry, and I'm off to get some dinner. I'll do July and August tomorrow. Honest. Tomorrow, I mean it this time.

Mat  

1- Read all these rules

2- Buy an Annual Pass. (Waiting in queues for a ticket is just ridiculous and very time consuming)

3- Make sure to go on all the water rides at the beginning so that you don’t have to sit on the bus/train/however you get home, soaking wet. People who have to then sit on the bus/train after you get very wet and it makes them unhappy.

4- Make sure that if you bring animal biscuits that you have Gemma The Elephant. If you don’t then complain to Cadbury. That’s a rip off and you should sue.

5- Be offended when Hayley ditches us to revise and when Ailish won’t answer her phone.

6- Torment Siobhan as much as you can. It’s funny.

7- See above. (It’s so vital that you do this, that I must make sure you have read it)

8- Go on Ramasis Revenge and get completely soaked. But DON’T wear a yellow top like Siobhan did. The consequences involved perverted men…(before you ask what happened, Siobhan has made me swear not to reveal anything more than that)

9- Call a ‘Ferris Wheel’ a ‘Carousel’ and vice-versa.

10- Get stalked by strange little girls, who keep asking you your name and then starting at you.

11- Later regret telling them your real name when you could have lied and said you were called Harry Potter, Siobhan Malfoy and Do-Shoun-Manik (just don’t even ask)

12- Bring spare clothes for after Ramasis Revenge, or if you want to be boring (like Gracie) then don’t get wet on it. But that kinda defeats the purpose of the ride….

13- Give Siobhan and Grace a lesson in how to properly say ‘Mojo-Jo-Jo’. (see, you have to drag the ‘Mo’ out for a while and then say ‘Jo-Jo-Jo’ really quickly.)

14- Continuously talk about Dr. Who.

15- When no. 14 gets boring, begin to talk about things that Amanda has never heard of before.

16- Laugh when Siobhan attempts to blow up an inflatable sword. (It really is funny)

17- Realise that with the amount of times we swear in the videos we make that we can’t ever show these things to our parents and need to think of passwords to keep them secret.

18- Similarly, some of your conversations should be inappropriate for your parents to hear.

19- Make Amanda take pictures of ‘fit guys’ with her video camera so that you can look at them later on (SIOBHAN!)

20- Go on lots of kiddies rides and have their parents glare at you disapprovingly.

21- Drag Siobhan onto rides that she thinks she doesn’t like, but then wants to go on again, and again, and again!

22- Have a conversation about your days at Brownies when you were little and then stand there saying how bad the new uniform looks.

23- Laugh at the Brownies standing in the queue a little bit behind you.

24- In relation to the above rule, think that when Siobhan is talking about ‘Brownies’ that she is actually talking about food. She usually does, so why should this be any different?

25- Bring lots of Ribbena with you!

26- Laugh when Grace doesn’t know how to work the Dogdems and she’s sitting the middle with everyone driving round her. Also make sure to laugh when she tells everyone that she is ‘Not a roundabout!’

27- Leave Siobhan standing in a queue on her own so that she looks like a loner.

28- Never give Siobhan a camera. She couldn’t take a picture if her life depended on it. She doesn’t even know here the ‘On’ button on the camera is. I mean, who doesn’t know that!!!???

29- Don’t stand under that swing ride in Beano Land. You get very wet. And so does the video camera.

30- Don’t run through the water fountains in Beano Land. You get wet on them too, funny enough. However, it’s okay to push Siobhan in them, because then it’s funny.

31- Waste £2 on the drying machine and then find out that it doesn’t actually do anything to improve how dry your clothes are. It just warms you up a little.

32- DON’T forget the bag that your locker key is in. That’s just stupid and I would never do anything like that. *shifty eyes*

33- Don’t put your denim jacket in the water fountain to soak it and then quickly flip it round so that the water sprays all over Amanda and Grace. PLEASE!?

34- Watch Siobhan try – and fail – to take pictures of herself.

35- Talk about Kieran, Gareth and Arty all day.

36- Laugh at Siobhan trying to brush her hair.

37- Be home in time for Dr. Who. It’s important that you follow that one!

38- Make ridiculous faces for all of the pictures that are taken on rides and if you’re a loner, make sure to point to the seat next to you to show that you’re not alone – Gemma The Elephant is sitting there!

39- DON’T tease Amanda because she can’t curl her tongue. That’s just mean.

40- Talk to the random guy next to you on Ramasis Revenge about how ‘if it wasn’t wet before, then it is now’ (that was Siobhan, not me!)

41- Wring your shirt out after Ramasis Revenge to show how wet it is.

42- And Siobhan, for future reference, it’s probably not a good idea to say ‘I wonder whether it’s water or pee that’s running down my leg. Oh don’t suppose it matters now, does it’ when there’s a really fit guy sitting next to you…with no top on. RETARD

43- Don’t sit next to Siobhan or Grace on Rattlesnake. It’s a painful experience.

44- Insult Siobhan (yes, I know it’s been said twice before, but it really is important to do this)

45- If they make you wait for ages in McDonalds like we had to. Then leave.

46- Complain if McDonalds have no salt for your chips. Also, notice how every single person who works there has blond hair!

47- Sing ‘Row-Row-Row your boat’ when you’re on Dragon Falls and receive very weird looks off everyone else on the ride.

48- Try out 2 lockers before you find one that actually works.

49- Laugh when Siobhan realises that the whole packet of digestive biscuits she’s just eaten make up ¾ of her daily calorie intake.

50- If you’re Grace - talk to over-forties on Ramasis Revenge about the screaming people behind you, that were most certainly not called Amanda and Siobhan.

51- Imitate bins…

52- Follow all of these rules.

53- See no. 52

54- See no. 53

55- See no. 54

56- You get the idea….

----

Yes, we went to Chessington again.

This was (well, I thought) a more interesting way to tell you about what happened. It really all did happen, and it was so funny.

For future reference:

Kieran - Kristina

Arty - Ailish

Gareth - Georgina.

As this was posted on my bebo blog, and we want to be able to talk about them without being obvious, we had to think up boys names for them. Hopefully they won't catch on.

On Sunday, after the inevitable hangover, we're meeting up with Jen, Chris and few others, rendevouzing in a pub somewhere in London for Sunday lunch. In the evening, we may go to the National Film Theatre to see the Radiohead, The Visionaries: A Decade of Breaking New Talent.

On Monday, we're travelling north to Harpenden to see my uncle, aunt and nan. It'll be great to catch up. I hope to quiz my nan about her past as I'm attempting to put together a family tree. On Tuesday, we're heading up to Stafford to see another uncle. We've hired a car for this part of the journey because, by train, it'd cost over £250 to return to Edinburgh via Stafford. Will train fares ever become affordable for the masses?

Right, I'm off to bed... early rise tomorrow morning.

Many of you will remember populating the pool hall nearly every night for what seemed like a whole year of my life, with a jukebox installed that pumped out at 100dB on request. Privileged punters would be offered occassional "deals" from behind the counter, no doubt something of exceeding quality. Of the three or four years spent as a regular, I can't recall a single time when I was drunk. Now for Marc, the star new barman (see below), I can instantly recall two distinct drinking bouts: (1) the day he was made redundant from... wait for it... Whitfords and (2) the day of the "It's a knockout" event where dutch courage was required for his star appearance as Liam Gallagher.

To carry on the spirit of the best bits of The Blackamoors Head I feel the management of The Chessington Oak has made the perfect choice in hiring Marc as barman. He will bring back the soul of the pub, which has been lying dormant in the cellars for years. He will give you "a bit of head" along with a nod and a wink, and you will feel safe in the quiet knowledge that the past lives on in the new shiny exterior.

Here's an invitation from Marc himself about the opening of the pub. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing his witty invitation to the trial night of The Chessington Oak.

Dear Friends,

For those of you who have been on the end of one of my rather tasteful concoctions (Dave, Lee & Alan) it may come of no surprise that I'm putting my good skills to use at last. I am soon to be the part time Tom Cruise of Chessington when I take up my part time job at the Blackamoors, Now to be known as the Chessington Oak as a pot man, I mean barman.

The pub officially opens on Tuesday 27th June, but for all you loyal and trusting friends of mine, I am inviting you to the trial run for all new staff on Monday 26 th June. To entice you all in, I am authorised to pass you all a voucher worth £5 off you bill. You will have to spend at least £5 in the one transaction though, so tight bastards may not apply. If you do decide to take up the offer, please be prepared for a few spillages and pints with head, but I'm sure all the men won't mind a bit of head as this is a trial run for new staff so we may get it right when we open for real the following day. The pub also has a fantastic and appetising new menu, like nothing served at the Blacks before with prices from £4.99 so why don't you treat yourself to some grub also?

Unfortunately there is no TV screen at present so you will be unable to watch the world cup and we do not sell shots or shooters. The pub has undergone a complete refit with new windows being made where people had previously been thrown out of to make it lighter and more welcoming. There is a new Landlady and the pub is trying to shake off its old image, which I think it has done already. You will notice the difference when you step inside, trust me!!

Make the Chessington Oak you local and give your old mate a bit of loyal support! Heckling is allowed.

Should you wish to take up this fantastic offer please email me back as it is by invitation only so I will need to give you a voucher prior to your arrival, doors will open around 19:00.

I would be grateful to see as many of you there on Monday.

Cheers
Tom

and Paul getting confettied:

Congratulations to both of them! They're off for a two week honeymoon in the Gambia.