What do I do now? Are we going under?
What did I do wrong?
Thought we had it sorted
Is there someone else? Am I too familiar?
Was it when I said I wanted to have children?

Tore up all your photos, didn't feel too clever
Spent the whole of Sunday sticking you together
Now I'd like to call but I feel too awkward
Some things need explaining
No one told me it was raining (raining, raining...)

Though I still find this to be a great song and another perfect example why Elvis Costello is a phenomenal songwriter (since who else can write with such simplicity and depth all at the same time?), listening to it again today made me grateful that for that break-up. What in hell was I thinking?!?!?!

My brother in-law writes the blog at cheapwineratings.com.  I've been waiting for some good skeptical wine-related news so that I can give him some cyber-attention.  And here it is:  amateurs can't distinguish between cheap wines and expensive wines. 

This post also requires some background.  A family friend recently returned our unopened dinner gift bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.  His reasoning was that they "don't drink" Cabernet, which may very well be true, but we wondered if the real reason was that it was cheap table wine, the kind that comes in a jug.  My friend returning the gift really didn't bother me much, since it can be said that bringing cheap wine as a gift is bad form in the first place, but my wife and I have had a good laugh about it anyway.

That's why my wife had a good laugh when she sent me the link that proved expensive wines can only be appreciated by the most discerning professionals.  Regular folk like my wife and I will be just as happy with cheap jug wine.  So, don't worry about spending extra on over-rated wines.  If you want an expert's opinion on cheap wine, go to my bro-in-law's blog and check out some of his recommendations.

Being so fresh outside over the past couple weeks has inspired the lighter side of my tongue of late. I started this month by going back to the '06 Joie Rose. Bright and fun, Cotton Candy, a bit of lemon, and once that's through it warms and rounds in complexity. It's a bit like a good relationionship that way. Very satisfying.

Also like a good relationship, it's on the expensive side. At $28 or so bucks a bottle, and with the work being a bit on the thin side, Joie and I parted ways. Amicably I think, though I miss her. Maybe we can re-connect this summer sometime. Nothing serious. Just for, ya know, fun.

So I wanted something cheaper. But not easy. But I didn't want to be picky.

Enter Ugni. Du Peloux. French. Mmm. Actually, it's an Ugni/Viognier blend. So fruity and playful. Not as deep as Joie, but just as nice. Best when it was cold. Ugni attended the turkey nicely and there was still enough of her to pair nicely with sushi the next day. And cheap too. About 13 bucks a bottle. Just what I was looking for.

So Ugni/Viognier it is for the next little while. We'll see where this one goes. Perhaps I won't miss Joie so much after all.

I'm so fickle.

We only drink on the weekends (two bottle quota) both for economic purposes and to keep in moderation (both for our sake and as examples for our children), so this could take a while, but I'm in no hurry. Of course I won't get two Pinots every time--I like to mix it up with other reds, champagne (or sparkling wine), and the occasional Fetzer Gewurtztraminer. Which reminds me, I did try Trader Joe's raspberry wine and it's wonderful over vanilla ice cream with fresh raspberries from the farmer's market (which my sweet husband bought for me). It has a thick syrupy consistency and is 16% alcohol, so a little bit goes a long way.

Ancient Peaks California’s Best place to purchase wine, purchase red wine and purchase central coast wine. Our wines hail exclusively from four family-owned vineyards, with the majority coming from Margarita Vineyard.

Ancient Peaks Winery specializes in family-grown wines that offer a singular taste of Paso Robles on California’s Central Coast Best Purchase Wine, Purchase Red Wine, Premium Wine, Best Wine, and Buy Wine.

California Wine Club offers Quality Wine, Paso Robles Wine, Discount Wine, Premium Wine, California Wine, Purchase Wine, and Buy Fine Wine. The Best Wine at California Club, Wine Sellers, Wine Basket, Wine Online.

Get Advantage of San Luis Obispo Wine, San Luis Obispo County Wineries. Purchase Central Coast Wine, Wines, Chardonnay, Merlot, Mondovi, Sauvignon Syrah, Tasting, Vineyards and Vineyard wine.

California’s best wine gifts, wine auctions, wine club and wine of the month. Get wine and cheese, wine for sale and wine spectator. Ancient Peaks Winery specializes in family-grown wines that offer a singular taste of Paso Robles on California’s Central Coast. Ancient Peaks Winery was established in 2005, and the first wines were released in the summer of 2007.

Buy Wine | Buy Red Wine | Purchase Red Wine | Purchase Wine | Wine Sellers | Wine Basket | Wine Online | Shop for Wine | Cabernet | White Wine | Cheap Wine | Best Wine | The Best Wine | Discount Wine | Premium Wine | Zinfandel | Buy Zinfandel | Buy White Zinfandel | Purchase Zinfandel | Purchase White Zinfandel | Purchase Cabernet Sauvignon | Buy Cabernet Sauvignon | Purchase The Best Wine | Buy California Wine | Purchase Merlot | Purchase White Wine | Purchase Chardonnay | Buy Syrah | Shop for Wine | Buy The Best Wine | Purchase White Zin | Purchase Quality Wine | Vineyards

More Information : http://www.ancientpeaks.com

Amanda Wittstrom-Higgins
Amanda@apwinery.com
Fax: 805 226 9501
Winery 805 226 8600
Accounting 805 237-6152

Winery Address:
679 Calf Canyon Road, Creston, CA 93432

Mailing Address:
5875 Stockdale Road, Paso Robles Ca 93446

We’ve established the Garden of Petite Gems, as a source for straightforward quaffers to help fit your entertaining and “it’s Wednesday and I just can’t see opening that nice bottle of wine for one glass” needs. Each wine is $8, but you can also mix and match 6 for $40 anytime – that’s like buying 5 to get the sixth free or having a l5% discount on a half case any time. Call it what you will; each of these wines has been tasted and scrutinized like every other wine* that comes through the door.

You can find these wines in the front of the store in wooden bins… the current collection includes Resonata Nero d’Avola, Tres Ojos Garnacha, Dreyer Sonoma Chardonnay, Protocolo Tempranillo, Obvio Malbec, and Siema Pinot Grigio.

I started with a plan. I would select modestly priced wines - as many as I could muster - and I would drink them, paying special attention to each & every nuance, bouquet, hint of fruit and je ne sais quoi. In this new & thoughtful manner, I would MASTER the Art of Cheap Wine. And so, glass in hand, I began my quest in earnest. And although that first bottle of wine, consumed Wednesday, January 16th, was really quite awful, earning just a C rating, I was excited. B/c I knew the CHALLENGE was ON.

Since that first evening, I have sampled many, many wines. Some of them exceptionally good, as iterated in my First Quarter Summary. And a few of them inexcusably bad. There is nothing worse than going out, buying a bottle of wine, and bringing it home - or worse! presenting it to a friend - and finding you've been HAD.

BIG HOUSE WHITE 2006, California

This wine should be the poster-child for DON'T JUDGE A WINE BY ITS LABEL. The bottle looks truly appealing, with its cute artistic label. Don't fall for it sucka. The wine inside merited a candid "YUCK" in my wine journal. Granted, a mix of 7 varietals could go either way, but this one is not a success. Very tart apple flavor, paired with high acidity and a distinctly unappealing aftertaste make this a wine to avoid. Even drinking it ice cold didn't improve the lot. Thumbs down.

BAREFOOT SHIRAZ, Calfornia

The bottle features a *2 GOLD MEDALS* sticker prominently, so I went into this wine thinking YUM YUM YUMM. Unfortunately, once I tasted it I went "BLEECH". This mass-produced red is not a great wine - cheap or not. It is strongly acidic and dry, with a pronounced aftertaste. If you are looking for another inexpensive, big-bottle wine for a party, I suggest trying Nathanson Creek Merlot instead, which for the same price provides a decent, tasty wine to be enjoyed by all.

RUFFINO LUMINA PINOT GRIGIO 2006, Italy

I must confess, my husband & I were divided on this wine. While I gave it a C+ for its low acidity and almost-imperceptible aftertaste, John stated that it "SMELLS LIKE A DEAD ANIMAL" and rated it an "F for FUNK." You be the judge.

Instructions

Step1
Know what you like. If you are a sweet white wine drinker, don't buy a cheap chardonnay that someone suggests. It's not what you like, and you won't like a less expensive version any more that those you have already tried. It is even more helpful if you can narrow down your likes by characteristics such as citrus or oak flavors.

Step2
Do your research. Magazines such as Wine Spectator put out lists of great wines under $20. Browse the list and see if any match up to what you like. Do a wine flight at dinner or a tasting at a local wine store. This is an inexpensive way to try and number of wines and get some helpful information.

Step3
Go to stores that have wide selections. Trader Joe's and World Market have huge wine selections and knowledgeable staff. They also have small cards with written descriptions in front of each wine.

Step4
Take a chance and try cheap wines. If you love Riesling and see one for $4.99 a bottle, try it! What do you have to lose? Tasting is the only true test. No matter what anyone recommends, they are your taste buds.

Source: http://www.ehow.com/how_2047050_buy-good-cheap-wine.html

That wine discourse is largely malarkey (as well as the assumption that price is an infallible indication of quality) is readily admitted, even among professionals. Certain wines are better paired with a certain meals or occasions (heavy vs. light); otherwise (it's been shown), you're mood and preconception of the quality of the wine are all that matter. Still, there are some bottles of wine you never want to drink. My freshman year of college, my friend Theo and I chugged (in three minutes, I counted) a bottle of Walnut Crest Merlot ($7) in a campus cafeteria bathroom. Despite my fondness for that memory, I never want to have to drink Walnut Crest again, or Charles Shaw ($3) for that matter. My friend Dennis has a penchant for Andre Brut sparkling wine ($6). (Which we usually follow with, 'From concentrate.') The French equivalent to these American abominations is something called Vieux Papes ($5), which, if you bring it to a party, will only be opened after every other species of liquor on the premises has been consumed, and even then only the desperate partake.

Loving booze, being poor and opposed to drinking revolting wine only when practical, I've gathered a few tips from those who know better how to distinguish the (relative) wheat from the chaff when browsing budget bottles. Some of these terms are given in their French version, although I assume that every country has a near equivalent and I've tried to provide them where possible.

1. Indented bottom. An Arab wine clerk taught me this one. No one knows for sure why wine bottles have these indentions, or punts. It might be for balance or strength, to aid the server, to isolate the sediment or simply a vestige of glass-blowing techniques immemorial. Some of my French friends consider this tip nonsense. Yet, I have never had a good bottle of wine without a punt. In fact, most flat-bottomed bottles won't even dare to identify themselves as wine; 'wine product' is a common alternative. Avoid these at all cost(s).

2. Appellation d’origine contrôlée, A.O.C. This is a designation the French government grants to ensure certain quality criteria are met, somewhat like the USDA sticker you'll see on organic foods, but the A.O.C. is specific to wine- and cheese-producing regions. There are hundreds in France. (Spain, Germany, South Africa, Switzerland and Portugal all have their own classifications.) The name of the region replaces d'origine, so you'll get Appelation Languedoc-Rousillon contrôlée, Appelation Haut-Médoc contrôlée (yum!). Right now I'm drinking an Appelation Côtes du Castillon contrôlée, a lesser Bordeaux. This is the tip I'm least confident about, because I assume that some rogue vineyard has produced an excellent wine that doesn't meet the specifications. Still, when shopping for French wines, the better bottles will display their region under the name of the château where they were produced. Which brings us to. . .

3. Mis en bouteille. This translates literally as, 'Put in bottle,' and it tells you who bottled the wine and where they did it. The best bottles are bottled at the château where the wine was produced, so mis en bouteille au château is what you're looking for. Acceptable wines can be bottled by the owner of the vineyard (par propriétaire), meaning a wine baron might send his various yields to be bottled at the same bottling plant. Inferior wines are bottled by a bottling company and the worst bottles are afraid to tell you just how the wine made it into the bottle. Some lurking wine snob will probably come out of the woodwork to correct me, but if you know nothing about a wine, it's a safe bet to buy it if it was mis en bouteille au château.

4. Récoltant. I just learned this a few days ago from pote, gourmand and bon vivant Jonas, but it just might be the holy grail of cheap wine consumption. 'Récolter' is French for 'to harvest,' and if you see the word récoltant on the top of the cork of your bottle, that means (as far as I can tell) your bottle was been made with at least 95% of grapes from the grower's own vineyard. I couldn't tell you why a mixture of foreign grapes produces an inferior wine (especially when so many great wines are miscegenations of different kinds of grapes) but perhaps a 'continuity of flavor' emerges that a composite wine lacks. Who knows?

Well, I wouldn't go into business or anything, but this should be enough information to get your fix. (Honestly, I usually just tell the clerk that I'm a student and ask for the best wine under whatever is left of my daily budget and whether or not I'm going to be drinking it with a meal.) A few other notes: just because a wine has a screw top or a non-cork stopper, that doesn't necessarily mean that the wine is bad. Still, most good wines will have a traditional cork. Also, if you want to cook with wine, don't a waste a good one. I saw an interview with Francis Bacon where he claimed to have drunkenly poured a bottle of Petrus (starting at $800) into a stew he was making. Yes, it might have been impulsive, but it was, 'the best bloody stew [he'd] ever had.' Cheers.

So, there is one code in girl world that one must absolutely, positively, never ever break.  Of course, last Tuesday (it was finals week, for God's sake!) I made that cardinal error--I hooked up with one of my best friend's former hookups.

 I know, I know.  It was a huge mistake, but let me explain the circumstances of how a girl can lose all willpower and go against girl code.

Let me just preface this by saying: it had been a horrific day.  I had learned that my ex-boyfriend was dating someone new via Facebook (gotta love technology!) and had just seen Evan (yes, the object of my affection the night I almost decided to roofie a boy) with his brank spanking new and may i add UGLY girlfriend.  I was not in good spirits.  All this taken into account, I decided to bring a bottle of warm, cheap white zinfandel with me to my job on the school paper and down it as I completed some of my end of the semester duties. 

Drunk off a bottle of cheap ass wine, I stumbled my way back to my friend Mark's apartment where Brandon, my roommate's Sadie's former fling, lives, too.  They'd only hooked up once or twice, but he's her go-to guy whenever she's drunk and needing to text someone for some flirtation. 

I'd inadverantly stumbled into a pseudo-party.  Twenty of my closest acquaintances were at Mark's smoking, drinking and grinding to the most random collection of music.  An average Tuesday when you're a sophomore in a Manhattan university. Suddenly, Evan appeared out of nowhere (he happens to be good friends with Mark, too) to smoke some chronic and toss back a few beers.  Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore.  Here, in a city of 8 million people, the very boy I was trying to avoid and drown out with cheap alcohol was right in front of my face.

It was gross, but I needed to feel validated by a guy.  Evan had rejected me for some frumpy blonde who carried her belongings around in a weird potato sack.  I needed a man to make me feel like a hot piece again.  Now, the only available males in the apartment happened to be Mark and Brandon.  Mark, a flaming homosexual wasn't going to solve my problem.  I zeroed in on Brandon.

We kept making eyes at each other all night (probably due to the copious amounts of Il Bastardo consumed).  Within minutes, we were pushing past Evan to get to Brandon's bedroom.  Suddenly, I realized that I was ripping off the clothes of the man that just the night before I had been encouraging Sadie to rekindle things with.  FUCK.  What was I doing???????  I was having sex is what I was doing.  Fun, drunk, sloppy, validation sex. 

OH MY GOD.  I had just FUCKED Sadie's go-to guy.  What the hell kinda person was I????  Minutes after Brandon fell asleep, I threw my clothes back on and made my way back to my apartment.  Stumbling back into my bedroom, I ran into Sadie in the living room.

"How was your night?" she asked, oblivious to who had been on top of me just half an hour before.

"Uhh, fine," I answered.

The next morning, I woke up with a MEAN ass headache and a wave of guilt that has completely consumed my mind the past few days.  What the hell should I do?  Have I finally crossed the Smut line? 

This pic took a good 15 minutes to take whilst Schoo and I were enjoying the festivities of last night.

Excerpted from What There is to Love About A Man, by Rachel Snyder (Sourcebooks, 1999). This book is currently out-of-print, though limited used and perfectly imperfect copies may be bought for cheap right here at amazon.com and other places.

1. I suddenly like ice cream WAY TOO MUCH. I avoided it for years, that stuff is good!
2. I recently saw "The Hills' for the first time. Wow. I don't even know if I can say it is bad-- that doesn't begin to cover my reaction. I was sort of stunned into submission. It is amazing.
3. I watched a party movie marathon (stopped and started over and over) this weekend while trying to charge between shifts: 'Go', 'Party Monster', '24 Hour Party People', and 'Groove'. I am not sure why.
4. I am trying to play the guitar again. My callouses have completely disappeared. It hurts.
5. Today is the first day that my jaw and teeth do not hurt!!
6 I also forgot how yummy tortilla chips and salsa are.
7. I could sleep any time of any day. I am serious.
8. I have never had a traffic violation/ticket...nothing!
9. I have been arrested in my youth ,though...
10. I usually get up at 6:30 a.m. when I do not work the night shift
11. My husband has a scar that looks like a "10" on his arm.
12. My husband and I have become obsessed with CSI Miami. That show is entertaining and funny.
13. We are also obsessed with all things Chef Ramsay. We usually keep these things to ourselves.
14. I don't drink beer except at barbecues (it would look suspicious to turn down beef and beer, right?)
15. I can't wear wrist watches because they stop on me after a week. Nothing on my wrist will ever keep time!! In highschool I wore a clock around my neck (not like Flavr Flav) as a solution.... didn't work, either.
16. I just learned that my leg pain is from my crocked pelvis. My c-section was because of this, too. This all came from a twisty childbirth. Thanks mom!
17. I hate opening my eyes underwater and I hate wearing goggles but I would love to SEE underwater.
18. I love fruit smells. I wish the world smelled like oranges and strawberries and cherries.
19. I look ridiculous in parkas. I think I am too short.
20. No one will go ice skating with me except my husband, but he can't because we would have to get a sitter.
21. We are both too paranoid for sitters.
22. I didn't so much as see an avocado until I was 18 or 19. I am from someplace far away from stuff.
23. I am so afraid of flying (I will do it if I have to) and I married the son of a pilot. I don't tell him that every time I hear about a small plane going down I am sure it is his dad!
24. I grew up on a potato farm. I don't really eat potatoes.
25. I can't chew gum. It gives me a headache.
26. Most sunglasses look stupid on me. I think my ears are crooked. I have to wear big sunglasses so it is less obvious.
27. Speaking of sunglasses: my husband would wear aviator glasses and those stupid pilot's jackets if he could. I always beg him not to. He used to wear some police jacket and a sweatshirt with some sort of official Nasa rocket scientist insignia sewn on.
28. I feel guilty that I do not let my husband wear his bomber jacket/aviator look. I should be more mature than than that, right?
29. I gave my son a very embarrassing pixie-type cut and I do not know how to fix it.
30. I am never bragging about my hair-cutting skills again.
31. I was supposed to go running last night but I painted my nails instead.
32. 100 is a long way away!
33. I am obsessed with my socks and underwear. I think I redirected all of my OCD to this part of my life. After I do laundry I arrange them in the drawer in the order that I plan to wear them, balancing the favorites with the purely functional. I need to keep my socks paired. I feel like crap when I lose one! Sad, right?
34. I am also a little whacky when it comes to dishes. I cannot leave any sitting in the sink.
35. Last night my husband and I drank really cheap wine and woke up at 4 a.m. with very sore throats.
36. I love lemonade. I love it!
37. I love tequila, too. It took me years to fully embrace it. I have never had a bad tequila experience.
38. I have a terrible fear of public intoxication. I fear even semi-public intoxication. I am not the sort of person who does radical things when I am drunk but I do feel stupid because I tend to:
39. rap in french (secret talent, secret talent)
40. give people insanely bold life-changing advice
41. make extensive plans with people i barely know
42. dance!
43. I almost married someone for a french residency and a ready-made writing career (so glad I didn't, so glad I didn't)
44. I wrote a poem for someone else and they published it under their own name!
45. I love to swim more than anything but I get freaked out and think that everyone is laughing at my butt in a bathing suit!
46. I bought jewelry for a family member at a police auction! I am a little worried about 'bad juju'
47. I worry a lot about 'bad juju', though I claim to be free of superstition.
48. I had to ask what 'giving head' meant when I was like 17.
49. I am allergic to bivalves
50. I feel like I am a bad person because I have two friends I never know how to deal with.
51. I feel like a bad person because I like icecream and tortilla chips.
52. (see last) I hold myself to the most ridiculous code of conduct that I would never, ever think to impose on another person (also see below)
53. I also force myself to read novels in other languages and listen to lectures on mp3 when I would rather not be doing those things.
54. I wish I was five inches taller.
55. Sometimes I wish I was Robert Plant (like 40 years ago, though)
56. I was kidnapped once! If anyone ever wants to hear that story here, let me know!
57. I used to be able to sing quite well but now I can't at all.
58. I can't keep a plant alive and this depresses me. Can you believe I grew up on a farm?
59. I am choc full o'guilt! Even now, when all my misdeeds are getting further and further behind me.
60. I didn't like chocolate until three years ago.
61. I noticed while brushing my teeth this morning that my husband's bathroom reading pile consists of Jean-Paul Sartre, Falkner, and some Rosicrucian pamphlets that showed up in the mail when we first moved here. No wonder no one seems to know that he is funny.
62. Speaking of being secretly funny: my husband is a human beat-box when no one else is around and I am nice about it because I know that I probably talk in my sleep.
63. I hate my freckles. I hate them!! It is the beginning of freckle season. I need to start wearing a big, floppy, sun hat.
64. I wish someone would do the thrift store circuit with me next week! I need some summer rags!
65. I am a very cynical person, but once I was whacked on the back by something I could not see!
66. I wish I could decorate cakes, but I can't... I am a decorating failure!
67. Though it is very obvious, I get a little angry when people point out that I am short. I want to start picking on tall girls and see how it goes over.
68. I have tried from all angles: I just don't like celery
69. Once, in the middle of a terrible fever, I was actually given a voodoo-esque potion to drink! I am not making this up. ... and it sort of worked (maybe my fever would have broken anyway?) that would make a good entry. It is way grosser than maybe it seems at this point, though
70. No one has expressed any interest in seeing the "Mama Mia" movie with me. I am very disappointed in certain family members.
71. I once got in a fist fight with my brother while driving. We nearly hit our history teacher. It was a serious ordeal and my mother was going to talk to him about it... but he had a stroke and didn't recall anything concerning the two of us. (and, no, the stroke was not a related incident!)
72. I think my son is watching a rock opera with penguins right now (it is potty time so I leave him to his business)
73. I make my own paneer!
74. I love to make stuff but can't anymore because my joints hurt for some reason. I blame the overnight shift.
75. Wow! this is boring. Number 75 is about how this is boring you!
76. I snuck into a bar when I was sixteen and got tossed out but my friends stayed in and I met a weird old french guy who told me he was Lou Reed and everyone thought I made up that story to make them feel jealous (because they had the time of their lives inside the bar) but I swear I didn't... and I know it was not Lou Reed, that is not the point of the story!
77. When I was a kid I slept in my closet.
78. I sunburn easily and hate it when people point this out like it is a character flaw. Whatever!!! Just genetics LADIES.
79. Fashion magazines depress me.
80. Why can't we all be free and wear bad slogan tee shirts to work and face paint and giant glam boots and sparkle spray in our hair and tons of scarves??????? whatever we want? Underwear makes a great hat...
81. I like being at the beach.
82. I like bonfires!
83. One of my ex-boyfriends hit on someone else when we were at a funeral together. I thought that was a historically tacky moment.
84. We have a nice kite
85. This list is getting difficult!
86. My favorite color is red, but green is looking pretty good to me lately.
87. My husband and I have been secretly all excited about showing my son the "Star Wars" original trilogy for a long time. We keep waiting for the right moment. I don't think we have confessed this to anyone, yet.
88. I found a heap of dead piglets when I was a little girl and no one believed me and I couldn't figure out where I had seen them.
89. I used to try to break my own records for holding my breath while sitting in church.
90. I told someone a scary story once and made them pee in their pants. My mom was really angry.
91. I will be taking a nap soon!
92. I will be making rice pudding this evening...
93. I will spend a lot of the remainder of this day making my sister-in-law's top secret wedding present.
94. My new computer is a much better friend to me than my last one!
95. I am losing steam on this list!
96. My husband has to iron his own damn clothes (to be fair, he has never ever asked me)
97. I only have two piercings. I had my eyebrow pierced once and it went very badly.
98. I have a lot of old pairs of New Balances and got a little sinking feeling when I saw "New Balances" on the "Stuff White People Like" blog. I can't be that predictable... I am??
99. I just drank some yucky bismuth because of last night's cheap wine.
100. I am a nice girl!!! So glad this is done! What a stupid idea!

Ignatius J. Reilly from John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy of Dunces belongs to this esteemed lineage. Forced to pay-off a debt for his mother, Ignatius, a genius-behemoth-buffoon, must leave his bedroom (and his beloved rubber glove) on a quixotic trip through 1960's New Orleans in search of work. Ignatius' arrogant single-minded disdain for the characters unfortunate enough to intersect his meandering path creates segments of high absurdity. A Confederacy of Dunces illustrates the discordant decadence of New Orleans in vivid detail and captures the distinct dialects of its denizens.

You would like this book if you're a fan of: fat guys, the Crescent City, flatulence, arrogant buffoonery, creative autoeroticism, self-proclaimed genius, junior varsity strippers, and talented cockatoos.

This book would go great with: a Dr. Nut soda pop or some muscatel.

Cliff Clavinism (stuff that will not make you look cool in a bar): "Actually Norm... John Kennedy Toole was awarded the Pulitzer Prize posthumously in 1980, eleven years after his suicide."

"Also Norm, did you know... that John Belushi, John Candy, and Chris Farley were each, at one time, rumored to play Ignatius J. Reilly in a film-adaptation of the book before their deaths?"

(A curse? Will Ferrell was also once rumored for the role. After Blades of Glory, let's hope so. John Belushi as Ignatius J. Reilly? What a shame. That would have been something.)

Reading this book would impress: girls (or guys) with a "teddy-bear" fetish, hunting-cap aficionados, and dialect coaches.

Pride? In eating? Something our bodies force us to do 3 or 4 times a day whether we like it or not? In a lot of ways, yes. Pride in variety, pride in the way a meal can take us literally to places we've never been before. A trip to Chinatown for the first time, an afternoon drive for $5 worth of hot dogs in a town you've never been to.

Here there be pork buns.

What's the saying - the British can drive all day and go sixty miles, whereas Americans will drive a hundred miles for a sandwich? That says more about our car culture than it does about food, but there's a reason that "sandwich" is used and not, say, fireworks or something.

There's a pride in the pushing of boundaries, a sense of shoving against the world and making your bubble grow a little larger, the idea that you may be rejecting a bit of normalcy when you go out for a big plate of goat meat, but you can always come right back home and have a hamburger if you need to get your culinary feet on solid ground.

Sometimes it's spontaneous, sometimes it comes at you without even knowing it, sometimes you have to jump on that grenade and have it explode you in ways you'd never dream of going otherwise. When we last talked, it was all about childhood explorations and family traditions. Now we fast-forward, to long hair, heavy metal music, a lack of a furnace and Star Wars monopoly. Let's see if we can have this make sense.

-------------------------------------------

As a kid fresh out of high school, a legal adult but still more or less stupid to the ways of the world, my palate was burgers, hot dogs and chicken wings. It's still very much the same, but with a lot of random outliers and a lot more life experience. Larger dietary world, bigger concept of the planet? Could be. Could also just be time going by. Regardless.

I had moved out of the parent's house, changed schools, left the dorm life behind and managed to find a room in a house populated by an Irish-punk band, their hangers-on and associates in degeneracy. I had hopes of easy access to alcohol, perhaps a free ride to shows and greater association with females that happen to be in their orbit. One out of three wasn't bad.

Time went on and the winter of '99 progressed, although our payment of the heat bill didn't. The rules state that as soon as the average temperature gets above 32 degrees, they can kill your heat. And kill they did. Rather than do anything sill like pay the bill, we opted to bundle up, find a space heater or two, and drink until we forgot we were cold. We probably would have used similar liver-destroying tactics in any other situation, but we were nothing if not inventive.

The scene of the culinary crimes.

We had a living room in which just about everything occured, because that was the room that cracked above 50 degrees most often. It was where we had the space heater, the most blankets, the best-insulated windows (with the finest plastic taped over it) and a television that showed Fox on three different channels. We had it all. And it was there that I found myself and a few other people huddled around a pull-out bed in early March, trying to forget the chill with a crate of cheap wine, some board games and...what is this? Sushi?

My main form of sustenance during these days was a microwaved packet of ramen or some Wendy's. When I tell my friends I got scurvy from living like this they think I'm trying to be a pirate, but I literally got malnourished - a little fruit juice goes a long way, I've learned. And it was in this mindset that I found myself in a room with a box of cheap, grocery store sushi, some gritty wasabi paste and a gnawing feeling in my stomach.

God only knows what made that inked-up, pierced punk rock princess purchase those cheap, low-grade hunks of fish on rice. Presented nicely on a plastic tray with packets of soy on the side, I couldn't resist - I asked meekly, "Could I try one of those?" It seems that being poor and hungry equates to eating just about anything put in front of you. Like cheap sushi. It might as well have said "botulism for $6.99" or so.

If only the real stuff looked so good.

Sticky rice, some cooked shrimp, some bad tuna and some California rolls are what I remember. I really only recall the cold room, the Star Wars monopoly game in front of us (that eventually spawned some drunken indoor graffiti) and the idea that I was trying something new, something that might just end up changing my eating habits for just about ever.

See, I tried escargot that once, but then it was back to mac n' cheese, PBJ sammiches and the like. I had no control over my menu - my mom was the Maitre'D of the household eatery, and whatever she wanted to make was what we got. But as a fresh-faced rookie to the world of independence - I was just getting over my first toothbrush purchase - I suddenly realized that I could eat...anything.

If you could read it, you'd laugh. Trust me.

It took me a few years to break through other hurdles - Indian, Vietnamese, Thai, so on. I'm still working on Polish food, Swedish cuisine, and other such random dining experiences. But that bad sushi stayed down, and with it, the idea that maybe there was more out there than the Wendy's Burger of the Month. Side note: I miss Dave Thomas.

So from there, I branched out. I went for dollar sushi in strip malls. I wandered into taquerias and ordered the tongue. Rather than getting the burger at Chili's...maybe I tried to get us all away from Chili's entirely. Branching out. Learning.

Trying to find new things, things I'd been missing out on after years of meatballs, meat loafs, chicken ala kings and noodle stroganoffs. I love my mom's cooking, but she just can't make a bowl of pho or a plate of mongolian lamb with fried rice.

$5.95 with Egg Roll for Lunch Special!

Now, after the few pieces of crap sushi I devoured with a swig of Turning Leaf Special Reserve, we went back to our shivering, our drinking, our gaming and our general debauchery. I believe I ran a hair dryer under my bedsheets to get them warm enough to sleep in.

But who knew that a piece of bad tuna could render such damage to my palate, my gastrointestinal tract through a decade of spice addiction, and various new acids and tastes my suburban whiteboy palate wasn't meant to eat. Damn you, cheap sushi. And thank you.

Anna, former Emmaus House dweller, catching her first glimpse of our collection of 30 or so cheap labels lining the desk in our dining room:

“Whoa, that’s… a lot of wine bottles, my friend.”

My roommate Shana:

“Oh, yeah, we had a wine and cheese party and then we had, um… Easter.”

]]> http://newdorkcity.wordpress.com/?p=51 Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:16:06 +0000 piegirl http://newdorkcity.wordpress.com/?p=51

Initiate some wine-fueled wanderings with an evening at Nomad, the East Village North African-French eatery. In celebration of its second anniversary, Nomad is offering a selection of Algerian wines to the wallet-friendly tune of $12 a bottle. With a high alcohol content, these wines are sure to get you Mo-rockin' in now time. Add a few $5 mezze plates and abracadabra! A cheap, romantic and buzz-filled date.

Put that in your hookah and smoke it!

Nomad is located at 78 2nd Ave between 4th and 5th Streets. (212) 253-5410. Wine special runs today through April 20th.

I'm not sure I've ever had a bad Rioja. I find them to be reliable and reasonably priced.

Seriously, you should really watch The Wire. But back to our scheduled programming...

I am a fan of wine from France. It's true. Much of it is inexpensive, it's made in traditional methods that bring out the natural expression of the grapes' environment, and a lot of it is very good. One of the specific things that I love about a lot of inexpensive French wine is that it's not afraid to...speak frankly about the farms and vineyards that it was raised in. What does that mean? It's a kind of taste profile that brings to mind things that one wouldn't ordinarily assume a grape could mimic, like dirt, sweaty leather, mushrooms, "barnyard smells," etc. Some of these taste patterns can be linked to a substance folks that call "brett" (short for brettanomyces, a naturally occuring yeast that can appear during fermentation, and that can create many curious smell and taste factors). Some call the characteristics of brett "rustic." Some call it "disgusting." I'm kind of fascinated by it, so in most cases, I end up calling it good. For whatever reason, at the times that I have detected a barnyard smell in a wine, I haven't been bothered by it. Not quite sure what choices I made in my life that lead me to that, but the point is that there's no going back. I like-a the brett.

What I didn't know until tonight was that I like-a the brett only up to a point. Early in the evening, I opened a bottle of 2004 Les Traverses des Fontanes that I'd picked up from Kermit Lynch Wine Merchant when I was in the Bay Area. This is a Vin de Pays from the Pic St. Loup region in the Languedoc. It carries the Vin de Pays name because it uses a single grape variety (cabernet sauvignon) that isn't one of the elected grapes of the region, so it is forced to hide its shame on the back label. Of course, this excommunication from the church of Sanctified French Wine is part of the reason why I picked it up in the first place. Now there are many non-Bordeaux French Cabernet wines roaming around, and cabernet is a tricky grape to get right on the cheap, but KLWM rarely swings and misses, so I took a chance.

This wine came in a clear glass bottle, which was a little surprising - if you're going to keep it for more than a few months, I guess you'd better make sure you keep it in the dark. In the glass, it was a deep, inky purple, enticingly thick. On the nose, it w-What the crap?! What is that? Smells like someone dumped a pot of stewed tomatoes on top of a pack mule. Yeesh! I don't think it's corked; there's no cardboard-y odors on the nose or in the mouth. It's not nearly as wacky on the palate; mainly some pepper and spicy notes, without much fruit or structure. That nose, though...too weird. Not for me. Not a bad table wine, necessarily; maybe its barnyardiness just reminded me of when I was a little kid and I was mildly scared of the goats at the petting zoo. But probably not a wine I will go back to willingly.

So I guess everything has its limits.

Just so I can prove myself totally wrong about everything, I'll throw in a quick plug for a relatively inexpensive and very enjoyable Sonoma Pinot Noir. The 2005 Malm Cellars Pinot Noir, which is sourced from fruit in the Russian River Valley (unsure as to which vineyards), is made by Brendan Malm, who I think is still the assistant winemaker at Merriam Vineyards. Malm has been around for a few years, putting out mostly Rhone blends that were met with muted interest. His Pinot Noir, however, is only is its second vintage, and it is a very nice bottle of wine for around $20. Cherry red in the glass, with a kind of jewel-like clarity - very pretty. Nose of berries isn't huge, but focused, and on the palate it leads with cherry and some vanilla mixed with a sort of smoky apple flavor. It's not a huge, Central Coast-style Pinot, but it all comes together very nicely. I wish I could find more Sonoma Pinot at this price and quality. A good wine to look for - I bought my bottle at Silverlake Wine. Together with the 2004 Stangeland Pinot Noir and the 2005 Elizabeth Spencer, that's three nice pinots at Silverlake for less than $30. Not bad! Maybe the world is worth saving after all.