I had to bathe with cold water, something I am very very pissed about. Cos I hate, or rather can't bathe with cold water.
But its all quite eye opening. I didn't know I used soooooo much water in a day. Never occurred to me at all.
Anyway, I pray its something nobody gets to experience. Its not a very nice occurrance :(

But you know what? At least the neighbours have something to talk to each other about now. Otherwise, it was all soooo quiet. Lol

I'm going to study and get a really satisfying job...huum, maybe French teacher or translator or whatever that doesn't imply having to haul a scouring rag all day.

So, studies it is

I've only been living in Sweden for three years, but what the heck! I'll manage.

I'll study twice as hard as anyone else.

They offer me a subsidy to study a whole year. No taxes. Perfect! I'll study all my upper secondary education in one year.

That's about 11 discipline or subject areas.

I'll manage because I'm real smart. Yes sir, I am!

Oh! A Part time job is great! Thanks for the offer! Perfect!

I'll study full time and work 4 hours a day cleaning stairs.

I'll manage...I learn fast, so I'll study harder...faster than anyone else.

I'll get the Straight As also, it's very important that I get straight As, so I can get to college.

Peter has just been in Switzerland for 2 months, in a few weeks he'll be off to Australia and stay there for 8 weeks.

The next time he'll stay there for 11 weeks....and the time after that, he'll be staying for 8 weeks again.

Gabriel is 2 years...but I'll manage.

I'll manage.

Mom just got cancer surgery. She's in panic. Phones and cries hysterically 2 -3 times a day.

I'll manage.

With all this stress, I've put on a few pounds, because I don't really have time to cook or exercise anymore.

So I'll go on a diet to.

I need to exercise so I'll go and learn orienteering...that's only twice a week on the evenings.

Now it's time to do my ACT ( achievement examination for college admissions). Feels like mission impossible. We are only two from Hällefors this year.

I managed! oh! It's great! Now I can focus on getting my As.

I'll manage.

Of course I have to clean the house, keep it warm by carrying wood into the boiler.

Take care of my garden,

Take care of Gabriel,

Keep on cleaning those stairs and even do the spring cleaning there (walls, windows and doors)...

Keep on reading, keep on cleaning, keep on my diet, keep on....just keep on.

Hum...I might not be able to study full time at college...I'll start with a French course...

Keep on reading, keep on cleaning, keep on my diet, keep on....just keep on.

I don't really know what's happening, but my mind isn't what it used to be.

I keep forgetting things.

I burst into tears for no reason.

I feel stupid most of the time, because I can French already, but I don't seam to be able to remember all these phonetic symbols. That shouldn't be so hard.

I can't hear Gabriel any more.

I can't hear anyone any more.

I can't even listen to music any more.

I can't focus. I loose Gabriel on a market. Have to call the police.

We find Gabriel...I loose myself.

From that day on I sit on the couch for two months. I can't cook, I can't read the newspaper, I can't shower, I can't ...I just can't do anything.

I don't manage any more.

My brain is gone, my heart is completely numb, my family in chaos and my dreams down the drain.

This is a little story for you Linda Skugge.

Now I'm going through this new transitional kind of period. I'm a senior in college who is going to travel to Japan in 43 days for study abroad. It's starting to hit me that this is where I'm going and this is where I'm going to be for the year. I'm worried and excited. Maybe this is my way of subconsciously forcing myself to grow up and move away from such things as anime. Maybe this is my way of trying to confirm to myself if am I really interested in Japanese and its culture for self gain or is this all something I really want to dedicate my own time, effort and life to. Ever since I've changed my major to Japanese, I've always said to myself that I'm studying this because I want to bring Japan to other people that like it too. I want to do translation for that reason because I know how it feels to be interested in things but have the inability to understand something.

Although, I'm growing up and I'm changing. I've been into anime for 13 years, and I wear this like a badge of honor but I don't have the same time I did 13 years ago. I'm looking at anime a lot differently now than years in the past. I cannot believe that it was only a year ago I was very interested in getting desperately immersed in the anime culture by buying figures, merchandise, blogging about anime and watching as many shows as I could.

Now, I want to be more selective with what I watch. I really wasted a lot of the summer watching shitty shows. I don't know if I'll have a chance to watch much anime while in Japan but from the list of anime showing fall 2008, it's not going to be a very good season. I guess we all kinda say that every new season but I've found it to be generally true every season. In the past I found myself watching a bunch of shows that are showing each season, but now I seem to be turning into one of those people that waits for a show to finish and then if it is honestly worth watching I'll watch it.

I am getting seemly disinterested or rather passive about the posters and figures in my room. I'm debating if I want to take them down or not. I guess this isn't anything new for those that read my personal blog, but it's very much what Densha does in Densha Otoko but in my case it is without a Hermes. I'm feeling like I want to break out of the childish cage of anime and expand my mind and just look a lot better. Although, this raises another question for myself is abandoning anime and looking better for my own gain or am I doing it just to conform to society so I can be noticed? I suppose it's a little bit of both. This also I suppose could be like can I still be a "man" and watch anime? Or does one have to go to fully be the other?

Also, I want to move away from the worship or adoration of 2D characters and voice actors. I just don't see it anymore. If anything /a/ makes me see the absurdity of it all even if it is mostly trolls and lies. It's just fantasy, and I know /a/ is full of trolls now but it makes me rage that they actually like this crap anime has turned into. Strike Witches? Lucky Star? Clannad? The list goes on. Ok, I guess it's also dumb to rage over whether or not anime has gotten good or bad, but from my perspective a good majority of anime is now pandering purely to a certain group of people. The hardcore otaku culture.

I've been saying for a while that I'm not eating this stuff up. Characters like Konata are so accessible to otaku because it's a character that happens to like the same things they like but only female. It's fantasy that just reinforces their fantasies in their heads. I'm just really sick of anime, I'm sick of moe designs and I'm sick of /a/ because I just have this perception of them that they aren't doing anything with their lives so it's become a motivator for myself that I have to do better with my own.

My heart just isn't into it right now. I'm just forcing myself to be a part of a culture that perhaps I'm growing out of. If anything anime is going to become like how gaming became for me. It's just going to be very casual. Maybe watch an anime every so often. Maybe I'll just stop completely. Who knows? But now I'm going to listen to everyone's suggestions. Cowboy Bebop is going to be the last show I watch for a while.

 A private joke. You kinda had to be there I guess.

As I listened, I noticed that there were some profound implications for those of us in youth ministry. And not just youth ministry, either, but any form of ministry. At about 26 minutes in to the show, Nathaniel speaks about his work consuming him to the point that he wasn't able to communicate with others about anything else other than crises around the world. He addresses the need to have a life outside of one's work, so that there is more to a person than the things he or she does.

Definitely worth a listen. Again, the "good stuff" that struck home for me is about 26 minutes in, but the entire show is decent.

http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_525_Burning_Out.mp3/view

Burning Out — The Story from American Public Media

http://thestory.org/archive/th...

Nathaniel Raymond was an aid worker for many years. He's now dealing with the toll taking care of others took on him.

This year we actually did something special---we rented a cabin in the North Georgia Mountains.

My home dilemma was solved on Friday when I flew back from North Carolina to Kansas. For me, it could not be soon enough.

Millions of others face this fact every day, but instead of a temporary displacement, their loss of home is permanent. Across Darfur and Chad, over 2.5 million Darfuris live in displacement camps, some away from family, friends or tribe due to war or death from war. Their lives uprooted, often with the clothes on their backs as their only possessions, fleeing from bullets often at any hour of the day and night. They fled from their homes, soon burned to the ground. Entire villages erased, leaving nothing but smoking piles of rubble.

Living in camps alone would be a hardship enough, but their means of sustaining their life now depends on organizations across the world struggling through red tape and rebels to get their shipments to the camps. Living in camps also encourages disease and sickness due to close proximity and limited medical supplies. And of course, there is always the threat of more attacks by the Janjaweed rebels and government forces attempting to exterminate these peoples. And so it continues.

What hope would you have?

What will happen to them next?

For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight. Psalm 72: 12-14

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:27

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Ephesians 4:2-16

You are their best hope. Yes, you.

Visit www.savedarfur.org to learn more about how you can help right now.

If you are in the Kansas City area, you can learn more about this region by attending a movie and conversation around, “The Devil Came on Horseback” on Thursday at 7PM. 138 Main, Gardner, Kansas. Contact me if you can attend. We’d love to have you there.

Then why is it that I am stuck at just "Diplomacy is.." for a GP essay I'm supposed to hand in on Monday?
And the idea of having to write 4 coherent paragraphs is killing me: I don't wanna sound stupid and provide my tutor a chance to humiliate me in front of the class. Yikes!
But I console myself with the fact that I am apathetic towards politics which is probably why I am finding it particularly difficult to write the essay.

The new house looks good.
Im pretty sure that once the scaffolding is down, windows and doors are put up, place is nicely furnished, it will be a fine house. :)
Still some time for that to happen.

<edit>
Oh, I forgot to talk about the guy(s) who shamelessly kept singing at the void deck today.
Made me fume.
Think they're Andrea Bocelli or something.
But I managed to hear ROW ROW RASPUTIN after a long time. That history lesson was fun.

Too sick to blog about anything controversial.
Down with flu, cough and headache.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carly Smithson.
How I wish I had her voice. Sigh

If you

1. were mesmerised by the video on www.thezone.org.sg I posted the other day
2. were approached by me to attend THE ZONE
3. are interested in attending THE ZONE with yours truly (supremely good company guaranteed)
4. always wanted to attend a Hillsong United Concert but never got the chance
5. are an avid fan of Hillsong United

THEN I LISTEN UP or LOOK UP or whatever!!!
I pasted it just for those lazy people who just refuse to type the url on their address bars. Sigh...

Just a lil information about Hillsong United, if they sound foreign to you:
$5 only. Very reasonable.
Do come!

Back to GP articles. Sigh..
I just don't get it.

I appreciate the platform they're gonna grant me but I'm soooo nervous.
Ive got a dozen unanswered questions clouding my small brain that can take in only so much.
Ive just been practising and practising and practising.
Its so nerve wrecking!
Its my first and I want it to last and be memorable and mean something and most importantly be give back to Him for doing so much for me.

This is such a BLESSING but its also such a commitment!
And the expectations, oh, don't even get me started.

To most of you, this is just random prattle.
But Ive so many mixed feelings towards this news:
On one hand I wanna dance in Joy, foolish, but I want to.
On the other hand, I don't want this cos its sooooo new and distant.
The only medium through which I can pour all of this out is here, so pardon me.

Its all so hard on, yours truly, you know?
OH, THE PRESSURE!

Boyfriend, Shakespeare: Where art thou?
I need company in melancholy.
Feed me with sweet words. HEE

Just some thank you's I want to tell some people today:

Qixuan: Thank you for the H-TWO-O. She blessed me today with a bottle of the isotonic drink. So sweet right? U jealous that I have a friend like her? I bet you are!

Deepa and Hema: Thank you for helping me out after PC today. I would have probably just collapsed on the ground if not for them. Appreciate it. :)

Mei Xin and Ee Suan: Thank you for checking up on me. Your concern is deeply appreciated.

Dad: Thank you for picking me up. He had an appointment scheduled for 1.00pm but cancelled it and picked me up at 1. What a cool dad I have! I will take care of myself. I know medical science says I have chances of getting the illness but I take comfort in the fact that Jesus bore it all for me at the cross so fret not dad! I have faith.

Mum: Thank you for reprimanding me. Will take note that I could have died, the next time I overdo PC again :p

The poor sit in their dark corners waiting for the sun to shine upon a land scorched by bombs and bullets that rip the sky slicing the heart's of innocents caught in the crossfire.  The sick lay in bed waiting for the sun to shine through windows dirty from years of neglect and apathy wondering if eyes will ever gaze upon them again.  The tomb is filled with the incense of death as all the world below and above waits to see what will happen while a war rages in Hell for the souls of the ancients. 

My heart bleeds for love as I sit at the tomb of the one who died at the hands of cruel powers that neglect the people while sucking life from the world.  The body of the immortal, the light, the holy one of God lays in the tomb from the wounds of the cross that gives life to our bodies inflicted with sin and death.  I sit at the tomb awaiting with hope and faith for the Lord to raise from death and lead us to Heaven's glory. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                     Quote of the day:  Have you lost your joy?

    When we start working for God and doing the things that He has asked of us, we can get so focused on the task that we lose sight of the One that has asked us to do the task in the first place.  It's like filling our car at the gas station.  We start out great, but after a while of trying to use our own gas, we eventually can't run anymore except on the fumes that are remaining.  Doing things on your own and not truly seeking God's wisdom in the matter is the quickest way to get burned out and to lose your joy.  

    My friend, when we are full of Jesus, and are continuously walking with Him, God will always be there to replenish your joy.  There may be times that you will feel like your joy is about to run out, because our flesh is weak, but God's promise in Psalm 16:11 says that "He will show me the path of life; in His presence is fullness of joy; and at His right hand are pleasures forevermore."

    I love what Bruce Larson said in There's a Lot More to Health Than Not Being Sick, "Joy is the surest sign of the presence of God.  The bottom line for you and me is simply this:  grimness is not a Christian virtue.  There are no sad saints.  If God really is the center of one's life and being, joy in inevitable.  If we have no joy, we have missed the heart of the Good News, and our bodies as much as our souls will suffer the consequences."

Quote of the day:  Alexander MacLaren

"To pursue joy is to lose it.  The only way to get it is to follow steadily the path of duty, without thinking of joy, and then, like sheep, it comes most surely, unsought, and we "being in the way," the angel of God, fair-haired joy, is sure to meet us."

Bible verse of the day:  John 16:31

"But now I come to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves."

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that Your joy radiates deep within my soul.  God I know that it is Your promise to me that if I am walking in Your path that there is going to be joy in my life.  God I pray that I don't steer from the path and continue following the way that You have set before me.  God, at times it can be a challenge to stay focused, with so many distractions in my life that can come my way, I pray that when they do, I am able to recognize them, and not let them hinder me in any way.  I thank You Father for joy and for sharing it with me.  I pray to be filled with it daily and to share it with others.  I thank You for this day!

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen

Start by opening the trap door in trunk behind the tail light in need of attention.

The bulb assembly is clipped into place and can easily be removed by squeezing the two clips together, as marked in the photo, and then pulled out.

There are three bulbs per side; a brake/tail light, a tail light and the turn signal. The bulbs are marked in the photo. The burned out bulb is removed with a light push in, a twist and then pulled out. Instal in reverse.

The assembly is then clicked back into place and the door is closed. Test your lights to make sure everything is in working order.

The bulbs are:

7507A (amber)- Turn signal
7528- Brake light/ Tail light
7528- Tail light

Vision Leaks (and so does my pond)-Nehemiah 4:10-23 

I have spent most of my morning off  trying to repair a leak in the pond I  built in my backyard. This is an important mission as my 40 Koi fish are struggling in the cold temps and low water.

While out working, I was reminded of Nehemiah and his leadership. One of the things that made him such an effective leader was his ability to cast vision. He also understood that vision leaks. In the above passage Nehemiah is having to re-cast vision to get the laborores re-motivated. He knew once was not enough.

So how do you know when you need to re-cast vision. Unfortunetly it's not always as clear as the leak in my pond. But wise leaders know the signs. Here are a few signs of vision leaking that I have noticed over the years.

• Your staff seems tired and burned out.
• You hear your team members complaining about things that don't really apply to your vision.
• Your team is allowing criticism to dictate decisions.
• If you're in a Christian organization you notice that people are not praying about vision related things.
• You sense that everyone is working hard, but no one  is working together.
• People start complaining that "their" area is not getting the resources or attention it needs.
• Individuals consistently come to you with "ideas" that are no where close to your organization's vision or purpose.

As leaders we have to remember that vision leaks and when it does it's not your church member's, employee's, or customer's fault. It's human nature. Our job as leaders is to find creative ways to consistently keep the vision before them.  How are you keeping the vision hot in your organization? 

Going back out to save the Koi,

Pete

There.  Now normal service can be resumed.  Today was again a day of much leisure, as mum and dad very kindly kept the girls amused until tea time and then dropped them off so we didn't have to come out.  The girls were delighted.  They got to watch what they wanted, eat what they wanted and nobody shouted at them all day.  It is as much a holiday for them as it is for us.  Granny is their saviour, and mine.  I might put her up for a sainthood, or an Oscar at the very least.

Talking of which,  Oscar has been very happy all day with both parents not as tired as usual, and devoted to his every whim.  He has paid us by deciding to suddenly start walking.  This is our reward for custard creams, regular meals and milk on tap.  Jason is very relieved.  I knew this is what would happen.  Tilly was a real trier, she did everything 150% when she was a baby.  When she was learning to roll over she made such a fuss about it you'd have thought there was a deadline she had to meet.  She was a driven, corporate baby.  She's eight and she's burned out.  Maybe that's why she's just so random and vague all the time.  She peaked too early.  She tried, tried and tried again.  She would have made that spider proud.  She just kept on plugging away at it until she got there.  The same with walking.  She was very dogged and persistent.

When I had Tallulah I thought that she would be the same.  Quite the contrary.  She would watch Tilly do something, give it a go, and then if it didn't work she would just stop, and not do it again for weeks and weeks.  In the meantime she would be thinking about it and working things out, probably using blue prints, computer read outs and algorhythms.  She would then try again, adjust her charts, and generally by about the third time she would be perfect at whatever it was she had set her mind to.  Oscar has been a bit like this, only more laid back and laconic.  This morning he got up and just wandered about casually, stopping for a chat, doing a little dance, flirting with his toy cat.  It was as if he's been able to do it since birth, but has only just gotten around to being bothered by it all.  He can't really see what all the fuss is about anyway.

Because he's been walking about he's been quite tired in his more restful moments.  This has meant two full strength naps today, which I had begun to fear were a thing of the past.  It has been wonderful.  He has slept for about four and a half hours today, and as we were awake this meant that we could do things.  Jason has a good book.  He started it yesterday and I knew it was good because he said that he wasn't sure about whether to read or to watch television last night.  Normally there is no contest and the telly goes on.  This time the telly won, but only because I had put off watching my Amazon Vine video about cocaine smuggling in Miami, and now really had to get on with it.  It turned out to be actually rather good, so consequently Jason started reading his book and then put it down after about ten pages, as he was sucked into the drama that was unfolding.

It was a fascinating story of murder, mayhem, drugs and bad Eighties hairdon'ts.  The music was even done by Jan Hammer who did all the music for Miami Vice, so it was very retro.  The only thing that let it down was the appalling cinematography.  If you had given the material to someone like Kevin MacDonald the guy who made Touching the Void and One Day In September, it would have been awesome.  As it was there were times when I had to look away, not because it was too graphic and violent, but because it did spend a considerable amount of time looking like a rather bad pop video.  Nevertheless, this is only the second thing that Amazon Vine have sent me that I have enjoyed, so I am feeling quite chipper, and more than a little relieved that I can actually write something other than my usual; 'two stars, this was terrible and here's why', kind of review.  I was beginning to feel like the harbinger of doom.

Today I had to move on to much more intellectual pursuits.  My Shakespeare course starts next week, and if I want to be ahead of the game, which I do, I really have to crack on.  I was supposed to plunge into it last week, but was so enervated by all the dung I only did a little bit and messed about a lot reading sad tales of the old days instead (Blake Morrison's, 'And When Did You Last See Your Father?' - heartrending, but good).  I have been working away at the Shakespeare since Friday, and have made pretty good headway so far, although I really must keep up the momentum and not sit back on my laurels giving myself pats on the back while Rome burns, to mix many metaphors.

I finished reading Germaine Greer's OUP A Very Short Introduction to Shakespeare. It was much, much better than I anticipated.  I have always found, being rather a fan of the Late Review, although not so much since they threw Tom Paulin off for being too politically naughty, that a little of Germaine Greer tends to go a long way.  She's a lot like parmesan cheese in that respect.  I have never read The Female Eunuch, as I always found the title rather off putting, I have never wanted to be or know about female eunuchs.  It seems rather messy and a bit tasteless. 

Consequently I approached this book with great trepidation.  I was amazed that not only is it good, but that she is not half so annoying on the page as she is in the flesh.  I think it's because she's got those fierce eyes that bore into you and demand that you confess all, and you just don't feel compelled to tell her how you stole a cherry off a market stall in 1979, but you're really sorry about it, when you're reading her book.  This was a relief.

I have also sorted out all my paperwork to do with the course.  I have logged on to the forum and said hello to people.  I have organised my books into a well known phrase or saying and have made a significant start on one of the set texts.  I am so good that my halo is choking me.  I am not feeling too virtuous however, as there is still masses of work to do, and Andrea is at least a week ahead of me, if not more.  She too has vowed to get her act together on this one.  Whether it will last for either of us is questionable.  We've got a hot few weeks of theatre going coming up, and that usually tends to do us in because we're too busy enjoying ourselves to get any work done.

We're studying Taming of the Shrew and Romeo and Juliet.  We're currently debating taking a trip to Leeds in March as the theatre there are staging Romeo and Juliet.  Andrea rang me about it last week and said that if I wanted to book it I should let her know the dates.  I feel that this is really passing the buck.  We both hate Romeo and Juliet.  The last trip we took to see it together we were fourteen.  It was a school trip to the Young Vic in London.  We were hideously late because the entire of central London was bunged up with the emergency services.  It turned out that it was the night of the Kings Cross Fire.  We spent hours in traffic, missed the entire first half and then ended up wishing we had missed the entire second half because it was done in modern dress and Romeo had a shiny suit and a dodgy Kevin Keegan perm.  We have been nervous about it ever since.

I have seen a good production of it since then, with Tim McInnery (Percy from Blackadder) as Tybalt.  I believe my mother came to see it with me.  It was in full Elizabethan rig, which she approves of.  She doesn't like these newfangled attempts at theatre where everyone dresses as Isoceles triangles and so forth.  She loves a good codpiece and that's that.  She was very impressed with this production and came out announcing that she wishes she had known about the name Tybalt when my brother was born, and she would have called him that.  I know he is glad she didn't.  To be honest, even if she had of known, I think my dad would have had something to say about it.  She wanted to call me Isolde (a la Tristram and Isolde), but as I ended up Katy, I feel that prudence was the order of the day.  There are not many things I am truly grateful to my father for, but that is one of them.

I am worried that if we book this trip to see Romeo and Juliet, a similar fate will befall us and we will end up stranded in Leeds for days.  This is not such a bad thing, as they do have some fantastic hotels and restaurants, and the shopping is very good.  There are worse places to be stranded.  It's just that Jason will panic if I'm not home to put the children to bed, and Andrea has a new baby (calf), called Disraeli (all her boy calves are named after prime ministers. Gladstone's up next!) who is taking up a lot of time and energy.  We worry for the children...and we don't really want to go and see it.  Mind you, it might be a revolutionary production that completely changes our mind about the rubbishness of Romeo and Juliet and turns it into our best ever play ever.  This is highly unlikely, unfortunately.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning like a fiend.  I have only done a bit here and a bit there over the past week, and I really couldn't live with the squalor any more.  The whole house is now lovely and clean and I'm absolutely filthy and need a good bath and a scrub with a wire brush.  I have even changed the bedclothes.  This is called tempting fate.  It is absolutely certain that one of the children, who have all been perfectly fine all day, will now wake in the middle of the night and then vomit copiously over all the sheets.  I nearly didn't do them, but I was afraid they would rise up in the middle of the night and kill us, so I have capitulated.  It's all a bit depressing really.

I've also got to go and parcel up Rachel's present and Peter's, bless him.  It's mum and dad's birthdays the week after next.  It's very inconvenient knowing so many people with birthdays so close together.  I might write to them with alternative dates, just for my purposes.  'I know your birthday is really January 27th, and that's absolutely fine, but do you think I could pencil you in for March 25th, as that suits me much better and will give me a nice long lead time?' kind of thing.  Mind you, knowing my luck I would be suddenly inundated by people giving birth to cute babies who absolutely demand presents in March, and we would be back to square one.  The only thing I can think of is to get them all to have their birthday on that odd day in the leap year and buy everyone a huge present once every four years, with the rest of the time to save for it.  That would work, probably...