The rain sure didn't keep anyone away from etnies Goofy Vs Regular, nor from the killer afterparty with Bad Religion. The free drinks were flowing and so were smiles galore. Definitely good times as always at GvR. Props to Sole Technology! Check out some fun photos here! There's even one of Brody Jenner from "The Hills!" Like oh my god! But seriously, what the fuck was he doing there? Shouldn't he be at some uptight soc bar in LA? Whatevs, it was pretty funny seeing some lil Mexican dude that looked like Super Mario, yell out at him, "I love you Brody!" hahahaha

Congrats to the Regulars and Chris Cole! Good shit! For more photos and footy click here.

Whitney Port is getting out of "The Hills" and into "The City!" The reality star has landed her own show set in Manhattan and scheduled to air on MTV next spring.

Port commented on her move, saying: "I am thrilled and honored to be in New York City, not only working for one of the most renowned fashion designers, Diane Von Furstenberg, but to be able to mature as a young woman both professionally and personally."

"The City" follows Whitney as she reunites with "a best friend from her past" and "meets a guy she's head-over-heels for," says MTV.

"In a city full of people with their own agendas, Whitney will have to quickly decide who she can trust and who to stay away from," MTV's release reads.

The Diane Von Furstenberg employee is about to begin a new adventure, "surrounded by all new friends, pursuing a fresh love life and starting to work in the upper echelon of the fashion industry is a lot to navigate for a new girl in the big city... especially one who has everything to lose."

Romantically linked while holding hands upon their exit, reality hunk from MTV's, "The Hills", and girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, were spotted leaving the "Apple Lounge" in Beverly Hills yesterday night (Tuesday, October 7th).

The twenty-five year old dude just recently began dating the 2008 "Playboy Playmate of the Year", quickly growing their relationship from just friends, to being in 'love'.

Four snaps of Brody and Jayde Nicole on their date.. her real name is Cora Skinner, btw. Click, please?

UPDATE CREATED @: Wednesday, 10-08-08/10:58 AM: Los Angeles, California

What a jerk! I just finished watching this week's episode of The Hills Season 4 and I've just witnessed what a two-faced loser Doug is! I mean, for messing up LC and Stephanie...

I used to think that Douche Doug was such a great guy! Like, in the earlier episodes, he's this really cool, fun-loving guy that really really likes LC. But I guess he took the rejection way bad. What a bitter moron--esp. for calling LC 'my ex-fling'!

He digs himself in the loserville when he tried to convince Steph that everything will be fine and yet he sells her out with Brody by showing the sms messages in this phone. Whether or not the text messages are real, for me, that is just so inapproproate. So un-gentlemanly.

It's kind of sad for Stephanie to be constantly put in such a bad and humiliating situation... and I seriously feel bad everytime Brody would yell at her in public. (Brody can be such an ass...) But I think she really has something to do with it though. I mean, half of the time, things could've been avoided if she weren't that stupid.

Here's the thing: It's obvious that Stephanie likes Doug.. and she went out with him because she really likes him but she's scared of what LC will think... So, quoting from my-fave-movie-of-all-time, Mean Girls, 'That's just, like, the Rules of Feminism!' COZ YOU SHOULD NEVER GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIEND'S EX! NO MATTER WHAT! I mean, friend's ex-es is just totally off limits.

There, that's my two-cents worth for today.

According to the rumor mill, The Hills' Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge have fallen out because Lauren hooked up with Audrina's boyfriend, Justin Bobby, behind her back. If it's true, this is beyond ironic considering the current storyline on the show is LC's disappointment that pal Stephanie Pratt dated her former fling, Doug, behind her back. Not to mention the whole Jen Bunney/Brody Jenner fiasco of two seasons ago. But like I said, it's still just a rumor. Although, we all know sometimes, rumors turn out to be true.

OTH: Why? Why would Hailey show up to the creepy set-house in the woods to see Grandpa Dan and his "hospice nurse" without a weapon? Why?! I guess 'cause she isn't watching all the scenes. She should really be more committed to the show.

The Wicked Witch is (finally) Dead! If she doesn't go down with the first wine bottle blow to the head just shoot her in the heart a couple times. *Bang!* Don't ever dare your killer to kill you; things don't end well. Man, this was the best episode all season!

TH: New Funny Lines

Heidi's mom: Spencer, you're rude, condescending and hostile.

Spencer: Ha! Like no.

Brody: Somebody's got a lotta nerve to show her face around here.

Stephanie Pratt: I don't even have anything to say.

Brody: Nothing?

SP: You're really mean. To me.

And then Whitney said...Wait. That's right. Whitney is a lifeless post.

Greek News Cappie News

A few things to know before getting to know Cappie:

Has the tendency to write "Buttmunch" on people.

Has slept with every girl in a 10-mile radius (see week 3)

Enjoys frequent drunken man-cuddles

Is somewhat full of himself and will put down any dude who is not him, especially if said dude is dating the one and only Casey Cartwright

Mimi

Since Stephanie was unable to contact Lauren in Italy, she sought counsel from Audrina.  Doug had just asked her out for dinner and was unsure how she should proceed.  Stephanie asked Audrina, "How would she find out?"The guys on“The After Show“ laughed at this one.  The look on Audrina's face says it all.  Come on Steph, of course she'll find out.  You're on a reality TV series!  "I'd be just careful," advised Audrina.

What's this, Audrina and Lo enjoying lunch together at Fred Segal?  I guess miracles do happen.  They discussed Audrina's relationship with Justin and Stephanie going out with Doug.  "Why would you want sloppy seconds?" asked Audrina.  LOL!!!

Later in the evening, Lo and Audrina go out to the nightclub, Goa and bump into Heidi and Spencer.  Audrina and Heidi enjoy a conversation together and discuss the news about Stephanie and Doug.  Heidi eventually invites Audrina and Justin to the X-Games Party she's promoting.

All this occurs as Lo is left on the sidelines.  LOL!!!

The next day at the Speidi household, Stephanie pays a visit to her brother.  She asked him if he heard the news about her and Doug.

"So are you a little nervous that LC's gonna clip you from her little posse?" asked Spencer, "I'd be if I were you." LOL!!!

In the evening, Speidi spends some time with Audrina and Justin at the X-Games Party.  Spencer asks the couple, "Have you seen 'Batman'?  'Joker', it should have been called 'Joker'."

Justin couldn't care less about this conversation.  LOL!!!

But, it seemed like Spencer was really into it.

That same evening, Stephanie and Doug meet at Beso for dinner.

They thought they were being all stealth, but then they run into Brody's mother, Linda.  "Are you guys on a date?  Is that what's happening here?" she asked the two.

"Wow, that's interesting," said Doug.  Stephanie shook her head and replied,"Not good."

The next day, Lauren returns early from Italy.  "So, what I miss?" she asked Audrina and Lo.  Her roommates inform her about their encounter with Speidi and the news about Stephanie and Doug.

Later in the day, Lauren and Brody go out for dinner at Loteria Grill.

He informs her about Doug's so called "business dinner".

Lauren is obviously not pleased about the news.

Brody goes on to say, "At least you know what I was talking about, she's shady." (referring to Stephanie)

You can download this episode as a torrent file here.  If you live in Canada and you want to watch it streaming, click here.  For American residents, go here.

Brody being a jerk: "Yo Steph. Listen. I'm gonna have a little toast to you. We've been through a lot together and I'm not gonna hold a grudge. Having Stephanie here is almost as good as having Spencer here. So cheers!" (Even Doug made a grimace after hearing that "toast").

Wow. Brody Jenner just fell off my hot list. That was so unnecessary for him to call out Stephanie on their entire Las Vegas trip.

Boys should never make girls cry. Period!

And Justin Bobby is always welcomed with open arms by Brody and the boys! What gives? Do they not care that he's a jerk? Probably not. It must be some guy code.

Mission: crack the guy code. Anybody willing to infiltrate the secret boy's world? Any gays want to head into the guys locker room and do some investigative reporting? I feel like I could pull a rockin' Amanda Bynes and be the man, but, that would mean I would have to play sports! And dorm with boys! And be a filthy slob! Ewwwww. Pass.

And the other point that I wanted to note: could Brody's mother have any more plastic surgery?

Gross.

Gossip Girl: Nate and Blair were both humiliated, though B was more dramatic as always, when they saw evidence that The Duchess Catherine and Lord Marcus seemed to enjoy each others' "company" more than their current suitors. Cutting the Nacho Supremo Grande Chancellor out of the equation altogether, are we? Then when Blair had almost cleared everything up and got Nate off the hook Vanessa had to go meddle and ruin the situation by telling said Chancellor. Serena and Dan briefly tried being friendly but since that didn't work, why not be hostile enemies? Sounds fun. Jenny was lame and outcasted but nothing that monumental happened, Rufus and Lily's pathetic fake-love is back in the picture but suddenly Rufus is considered a prize. Much like his son, huh?

One Tree Hill: This episode was basically finishing mourning Quentin Fields (his full name was mentioned about a dozen times in case you forgot), Hailey finding Grandpa Dan was missing, Brooke offering her store to her mother, ahem, Victoria on a platter, Lucas getting on Nathan's nerves about Skills and his mom, Peyton reminding the viewers she was still engaged, and Psycho Ex-nanny breaking into Jamie's bedroom. Next week doesn't look too good for him, either...

The Hills: If you hadn't guessed, this episode was about Lauren being gone for 20 minutes of the half hour in Rome and Stephanie going on a date with Doug since Audrina and Lo had a very long, totally productive conversation over bony-girl lunch.

Audrina: Um, Stephanie came over this morning talking about going on a date. With Doug.

Lo: Stephanie's going on a date with Doug?

Audrina: I don't know.

Lo: Stephanie's going on a date with Doug?

Audrina: I guess so.

Lo: Stephanie's going on a date with Doug?

Audrina: I'm not sure of the details.

Lo: Stephanie's going on a date with Doug?

*Audrina frowns at Lo, who is suddenly deaf and stupider than Simpleton Pratt (and that's saying something!)*

Then Heidi invited Audrina and Justin to double-date with her and Spencer, Audrina pondered the invitation to stretch out the show before going and recounting the events to Lauren upon her arrival...Chick, didn't you leave, like eight minutes ago? Brody told Lauren "I told you so." and tried to console her 'as her a friend.' I bet next week's dialogue will go something like this:

Lauren: Stephanie, you went on a date with Doug?

Stephanie: I don't know.

Lauren: You went on a date with Doug?

Stephanie: I'm not sure of the details yet.

They need new writers something awful! I guess I'll be available in a few weeks.

Privileged: The twins still don't like you, Megan, and they're not about to start if this is going to stretch out into an entire full-length TV series. So stop trying to win them over, ignore your sister for good, and let your dating life run rampant over the remainder of your hobbies. Word.

ANTM: After my fave, Samantha, was repeatedly slapped on the wrist and insulted a little more, Isis went home this week. No comment.

Seperately-

Greek News Cappie News

(week 3)

Rules and Perks of Being Cappie:

1. Abide by Cappie's wishes at all times.

2. Cappie always wins.

3. Don't try to outsmart Cappie. He's not that smart. But somehow he will still win so don't get your hopes up, Rusty.

4. Don't feel too bad about having slept with Cappie; Casey, Frannie and Rebecca. Nearly every girl in a ten-mile radius has. Even the pledges. Yup. Nobody is above the Capster.

5. Even when you think Cappie is your closest friend, he's still Cappie, he's still in charge, and he still has bigger, better pranks and tests in mind for you. Rusty.

Mimi

Last night brought--finally!--the much anticipated, much foreshadowed She-Pratt betrayal: Stephanie and Doug went on a date. They were totally secretive (except that Stephanie had already told Spencer and Audrina, who told Lo and Heidi, and there were, um, cameras there) but then Brody's nosy mother ruined everything!  

Before that went down, though, Lauren ran off to Italy, where high-heels are apparently forbidden. The trip wasn't explained, which made me think it maybe had something to do with LC's "global branding" initiative or some other part of her "real life," which must never be mentioned on the reality show. But! It was just a boring family trip, as these pics show.

Anyway, with Lauren away, Audrina experienced her own version of la dolce vita, freely using the kitchen and even laying out by the pool with a strawberry margarita. But her bliss was cut short by a visit from the She-Pratt, who sought permission to date Doug. Aundrina mumbled something about "being careful" as Stephanie wondered how LC could possibly find out. Oh, I dunno. You've told one of her close friends who will now tell everyone? Or like, you're on a TV show and you're being filmed all the time? Or Brody's mom will catch you?

As Steph and Dougie basked in the candlelight at Beso (owned by famed restauranter Eva Longoria Parker), I couldn't help but think they were kind of a good match: Stephanie, with her awkward hair and shiny pink lips and tacky necklace of blue baubles; Doug, with his large head and dim grin and ever-present V-neck tee-shirt----well, these crazy kids just might have a shot! But then Brody's mom, whose face was a disturbing preview of what Heidi's will look like in about 30 years, totally caught them. Everyone said, "You look so pretty!" and "Nice meeting you!" 100 times, and then Brody's mom hurried off to tell her son about her brush with evil.

Meanwhile, Audrina and Justin Bobby  (now identified as "Audrina's boyfriend" when he appears---an upgrade, no?) spent quality time with Spencer and Heidi. Spencer attempted to engage JB in a discussion about The Dark Knight  (Spencer: "It should have been called The Joker!") that went absolutely nowhere. Heidi said she's just relieved ("Praise Jesus!") to be away from all the drama with LC and Stephanie. Praise Jesus, indeed.

When LC returned, declaring that Italy was "like a construction site" of men desperately calling out to her, she didn't seem too happy (maybe because the Italian sun didn't fix her brown upper lip problem?).  Later, Brody told Lauren about the She-Pratt's betrayal, musing, "It's kind of ironic." Clearly, he was using "ironic" in that Alanis Morissette sort of way, meaning wrongly. (The lyrics to "Ironic" are made actually ironic here.) Then Brody, who hooked up with LC's bestie Jen Bunney, rupturing their decade-long friendship and subsequently casting Bunney out of the charmed circle forever, spoke about the importance of loyalty and friendship and honor. Kind of ironic.

What do you think? Should Stephanie have gone out with Doug? Should Doug have gone out with Stephanie? Should The Dark Knight have been called The Joker?

That Jedi mind hypnotist that we call "Lauren" will be in Europe this episode, so let's see if her lap dogs bode well when they're left to their own devices...

LC's heading off to Italy for a much-needed vacay, and we get no explanation as to why. I guess it's much easier for her to take trips now that she doesn't have a boyfriend to worry about being left on the beach. Frankly, and quite honestly, considering how much they each get paid per episode (and considering LC's vanity), I'm surprised that she would let an episode happen without her being in every other scene!

"They always tell you not to bring heels to Italy."

Whoever said that was afraid of a little cobblestone! Do not show up to Italy senza ("without") heels because you'll feel utterly ridiculous when you're the only one in flats. Take a page from il mio libro ("my book")--I mean, if you're touring, you should feel comfortable. But if you'll be having a nice dinner, then you should dress however you would if you were in NYC.

"It'll just be me and Audrina without you."

Lo kind of fooled me into believing she was genuinely excited for a split second. Just a split second! But Lo and I have a past, and so I truly know how authentic she really is--SHE'S NOT.

Then Stephanie shows up at the gate of The Hills plantation, like a lost little puppy abandoned by her Spencer owner, and talks to Audrina over the intercom thing. Before Steph gets a second word out, Audrina straight up tells her that Lauren's not home (i.e. she should leave now). But Steph's got news for us all: She's not here to see Lauren. She's here to see Audrina!

And it is this meeting that gives us an indication that maybe, just maybe, Brody's been right about this Stephanie character all along. Maybe he wasn't too harsh for making her cry at Frankie's birthday? I mean, were we honestly expecting for a Mother Theresa to be reared in the same house as Spencer?

Stephanie confides in Audrina about Doug asking her out on a date. Really? Really? Really? Very shady of Doug, and very shady on Steph's part to even consider it, especially now, only two episodes after LC broke things off with him!

Audrina gives Steph rational, level-headed advice: Wait until Lauren gets back from Italy and then run the idea by her. Which is reasonable, but we all have to remember who we're talking about here: LAUREN. But I guess that I know Lauren better than Stephanie and Audrina do.

Retrospective advice to Stephanie: You need to know that Lauren has a heightened sense of distrust (even though she claims most of her friendship problems are derived from her nature of being TOO trusting). So Steph, going out with Doug doesn't exactly help your case that you're trustworthy.

But Stephanie can't wait until Lauren gets back from Italia to get into her leftovers--she needs to go on a date with Doug NOW, before he disintegrates into thin air! Then Stephanie's like, "How would Lauren find out?" LC may not be checking her e-mails while in Italy, but rest assured, the producers will definitely make sure she finds out about this dramz!

Then there's this scene with Heidi and her coworker Kimberly discussing how she needs to go out to a skate ramp with Spencer. Did they include this scene for continuity?

Now we see Audrina and Lo at lunch, and they have like, lunch trays, like at the high school cafeteria. I have lunch at places with trays, but I'm just so used to seeing them at cute little petit French bistros and such--not Au Bon Pain!!! No longer do they live an aspirational lifestyle!!! To fill in the awkward silences, Lo says, "La la la," falling a step backward on my authenticity meter. Then Audrina resorts to the only common ground between women all around the world, the language we all speak: DRAMA. She reveals to Lo that Stephanie's planning on going on a date with Doug.

The incredible trying between Audrina and Lo is just...I have no words. Except that things are so forced between them. Now at Goa (one of the two clubs they frequent), in walks Heidi and Spencer, as we've seen in every episode before for four seasons now. Seriously, this happens every week: "Uh oh! Spencer and Heidi are here!" When will we all start an uprising against the producers for building us up for the same climatic moment every week for like, two years now?

Heidi just HAS to say hi to Audrina, and approaches her at the table with Lo. They're all hugging and catching up, and Audrina even tells Heidi about the whole Doug thing! In my humble opinion, she shouldn't have told Heidi about that. Now Heidi knows that LC's being screwed over by Stephanie before LC even knows! Terrible news travels swiftly! Then Heidi invites Audrina (well, actually, she says, "You guys should come" but I doubt Lo would feel welcome and/or jeopardize her spot on the show by betraying LC) to an event for Bolthouse. Audrina says it "sounds fun." Lo sips her drink in awkwardness.

Stephanie comes over to Speidi's apartment to tell Spencer about her intentions to go to dinner with Doug, in a way that's just begging for his approval.  When will she ever learn that none of us will ever be good enough for Spencer's unreachably high standards of quality and taste? He says she should be nervous that LC will "clip" her from the posse. And I'm not afraid to say that I wholeheartedly agree with Spencer on this one.

Now we're at the party and Heidi says she gets her Stephanie scoop from Heidi, and I'm convinced that Spencer has some social disorder when he starts the most lousy, corny small talk discussion with Justin Bobby I've ever heard: "So did you see the new Batman movie? They should have called it 'Joker.'" Then Audrina talks about how she doesn't like drama and negativity, and that she surrounds herself with positive people. Then she says that she and Heidi should go to lunch. Heidi says, "Anytime, I'm here for you, Audrina." I am all for the rekindling of that friendship as well.

At Stephanie and Doug's dinner date, their first order of business for the evening is a concerned discussion of how they've betrayed LC and Brody, respectively. Then, Brody's mom comes in and "catches" them on their date. I've never been to Los Angeles, but if it's anything like New York, then there's no way you can see someone you know at every corner you turn. But maybe it's not a big city thing, maybe that's just a reality show thing...

Back at work, Audrina tells Chiara everything, a useless scene that makes us, the freakin' viewers, end up having heard the same two stories about the Audrina/Justin Bobby/Speidi meeting and the Steph/Doug date a total of like, FOUR times. Then Lauren comes back from her unexplained trip, and Audrina and Lo take turns recapping the madness that occurred while she was busy throwing pennies in the Trevi fountain.

"How was Italy?"

"You know how you walk by a construction site and the guys whistle? Well, Italy's like a construction site." 

Forget novels--LC should write a cool girls' travel guide!

And they tell LC everything! The Audrina/Justin Bobby/Speidi thing, the Stephanie/Doug date--EVERYTHING! And her expressive face is less than excited about it all.

Then LC goes out to a platonic dinner with her suspiciously overly-fervent yes obvious ally in all of this, Brody Jenner. Brody says his MOM told him about the dinner date Stephanie had with Doug. I'm so glad that Kim Kardashian doesn't get involved in all of this. You know, Brody does the same thing on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." 

"I just don't want to see you get hurt." 

I'm sure what's at stake for Brody.

She must be devastated because she hardly has any makeup on! She's usually got on enough eyeliner and mascara for a year's worth of Maybelline Great Last commercial shoots! And she seriously like, barely looked up from her plate. This girl is sad! But I'll tell you a little secret--even though LC and I are the same age, at one point, I wanted to wear eye makeup just like her's. But that was during the Laguna days, when I was a bit more impressionable, like the girls who watch the show now. 

Next time on The Hills, Spencer goes out with Heidi's mom (yes, Heidi's mom), Doug defends his new beau to LC, and Steph runs to LC in tears about her relationship woes with Doug, which LC will probably for...

Buzz Up! this story

Back to the topic, my big 21st birthday is coming up. OMG!! Finally of legal age! It's actually on the weekend too. So I guess I get to celebrate on the actual day! I'm going to go ahead and be totally pretentious right now and post my birthday wish list. Maybe people will get around to praying for me to get what I list here thus fulfilling my dream 21 birthday.

My wish list:

1. Live a long, healthy, happy and prosperous life. (Start praying people!)
2. Get straight A's this semester. (Pray harder..)
3. Always be surrounded by people that love and care for me no matter what.
4. Be able to start making decisive decisions in every aspect.
5. Complete collection of Sex and the City DVD's from the first season to the last. I watched them on rental, I guess it's time to have my own.
6. The new David Cook CD. I think it's out in November but I can't wait!
7. Black peep-toe pumps. So hard to find the perfect pair. Doesn't have to be designer label.
8. Black Nine West mary-janes.
9. Dark blue and grey straight jeans.
10. My first LBD.
11. New wardrobe for college. Blank t-shirts, assorted color polo shirts, and loose tunic tops.
12. Black classic converse.
13. DVD player, mine is old and getting restless.
14. Full day spa treatment (facial, hair spa, manicure, pedicure, body massage).
15. Books: Eat Pray Love, Middlesex, and the rest of my Gossip Girl Series collection.
16. Medium size backpack, dark green or turquoise Eastpack.
17. Dark blue Longchamp bag.
18. Smart phone, 3G, wi-fi, touch screen, music player, camera, easy scheduling. In mind now is iPhone or new sony ericsson C series.
19. Shoe shaped long chain necklace.
20. Small 12" or 13" laptop for better mobility.
21. To round off my completely abysmal list, new car!!!

So good luck for those that actually want to buy me a gift. It's gonna be a toughie. But I have loved my life so far, got a good thing going for me.

On another note, Heidi Montag just celebrated her 22nd birthday a few days ago. Everybody know Heidi, right? The horrible bitch from the reality show The Hills that can't get enough of plastic surgery. Yeah, know the girl now? Well anyways, she celebrated her birthday this week probably just a boring dinner again with loser-face Spencer Pratt like her 21st. OMG, I desperately need to get a life. Isn't watching The Hills so lame? But it's addictive and I can't stop following it. Lauren Conrad, Audrina Partridge, Whitney Port, Stephanie Pratt, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and Lo have just got me hooked! It's soooooo sad.

I was rooting for Brody Jenner and LC in the 4th season but I guess Brody just keeps on 'moving on' from one girl to another. I also was rooting for Heidi to wake up from her Spencer coma and realize what a complete douche bag he is. Lo and Audrina fighting is so lame too. Lo can be so self centered sometimes  that it's understandable that Audrina hates her. I wish Kristin was on the show too, that would spice things up a bit. Especially if she was team LC and had a big blow-out with Heidi cause she actually has the balls to do it.

Ok, I'm beat. Gonna turn in now. Stay tuned for my birthday deets. Peace out!

So what have I got for you in this lovely, fun-filled post? Well, of course there is Gossip Girl (2.2 "Never Been Marcused), and two, count 'em, TWO episodes of The Hills (4.4 "Boys Make Girls Cry" and 4.5 "Something Has to Change). There's also 90210 (1.3 "Lucky Strike"), America's Next Top Model (11.3 "The Ladder of Model Success"), and Project Runway (5.9 "What's Your Sign?"). So buckle up, kittens! My recaps/reactions/pointless ramblings are all after the jump.

Monday, 9/8

Gossip Girl - 2.2 "Never Been Marcused"

Seriously, this show's episode titles are sheer genius. It took me an embarassingly long time to catch on that they were all cleverly altered movie titles. Take the title of last week's episode, for example: "Never Been Marcused" is derived from the the 1999 Drew Barrymore flick Never Been Kissed. The episode before that, "Summer, Kind of Wonderful," which is from the 1987 John Hughes film Some Kind of Wonderful. My favorite ones from the first season include "Blair Waldorf Must Pie" (from John Tucker Must Die), "Desperately Seeking Serena" (from Desperately Seeking Susan), and "The Devil Wears Waldorf" (from The Devil Wears Prada). I really, really like when shows stick to a general theme with their episode titles. Friends did that too, with all their titles beginning with "The One With ...".

At any rate, I've gotten way, way off topic. This second episode of the second season provided the OMFG moments that I was missing in the season premiere ... Granted, I read spoiler after spoiler after spoiler before the premiere, so the lack of surprise was my own making. I suppose I know for the future that it's all a lot more fun in the beginning when you let yourself be surprised. This episode is centered around three main plots that are separate at the beginningof the episode and then get all tangled up into this sick, sad web at the end. God, it's brilliant the way Schwartz & Savage can do that. In the beginningwe have the Blair/Marcus/Chuck plot, in which Blair likes Marcus and still likes Chuck but won't admit it to anyone, let alone herself. Marcus, who, by the way, is a British Lord, likes Blair. Chuck both likes and hates Blair, and wants to ravage her and ruin her at the same time. Blair wants to meet the duke and duchess, Marcus' parents (well, dad and step-mom), Marcus is hesitant, causing Blair to believe that Marcus thinks she's unworthy. Marcus, however, stupidly confides in Chuck that the duchess, his step-mom, has scared away all his past girlfriends and he doesn't want to see Blair scared off in the same manner. Chuck, ever the opportunist, pounces on that bit of information and begins digging. We find out (and then everyone finds out at the end) that Marcus' step-mom is none other than Catherine, the cougar Nate's been sleeping with all summer. Which leads us to Nate's plot: his family's having money trouble again, due to his dad skipping the country after being convicted of embezzlement and fraud. Nate's solution to the problem? Whore himself out to cougar/duchess Catherine, despite his resurfacing feelings for hipster-girl Vanessa Abrams. No, seriously, he's having sex with her for money. Speaking of sex ... Dan & Serena's plotline (insert yawn here) is all about getting back together and fixing their relationship. All they end up doingis having sex in a lot of places (a beach and a bus bathroom, to name a few) and talking about nothing. Hmm. I find myself not caring.

All in all? Great episode. And it'll only get better from here. BLAIR/CHUCK FOREVER!! [Image]

The Hills - 4.4 "Boys Make Girls Cry" & 4.5 "Something Has to Change"

Oh. Look. Two episodes of the show that I still can't figure out why I watch this week. Technically one aired Sunday before the VMAs (which were also kind of a snoozefest aside from Russel Brand's repeated harassment of the Jonas Brothers and Britney Spears' return to sanity), but I'm lumping them both together here for the sake of organization. Since I talked about episode titles for Gossip Girl, I really feel the need to mention how extremely lame The Hills' episode titles are. The titles generally allude to what is supposed to be the big moment in each episode. So, for instance, in "Boys Make Girls Cry," Brody makes Stephanie cry. And in "Something Has to Change," Lauren and Audrina have their TALK in which they decide that something has to change in their friendship for them to continue being friends. Really deep, huh? I mean, I suppose bland, unoriginal titles fit the general blah that is the show, but still ... Meh. As an aside, there are a few things that are making me irked by this show more than usual this week — the fact that Lauren Conrad makes more money per episode of this show than I make in a year AND the fact that she just got a three-book deal to write young adult novels. I'm sitting here trying my hardest to make something of myself in the publishing industry and this girl does nothing but party and give people blank stares on TV and gets to do exactly what I want to. Yeah yeah, I realize life's not fair and that Lauren Conrad probably is a good person deep, deep underneath the layers of makeup, petty drama, hair extensions and bullshit, but still. Grrrr.

So in "Boys Make Girls Cry," the gang heads out to Vegas again for Frankie's birthday. There's still some awkward tension between Lauren & Audrina that's all due to them being sucky communicators and Lo being a petty bitch. Lo and Lauren have been friends for a long time, I get that. So I can also get how possessive Lo might be of Lauren ... except it doesn't seem that Lo acts like a hag to any of Lauren's other friends. Perhaps Lo doesn't think Audrina is worthy of Lauren, due to Audrina's different taste in clothes, men, friends, life in general. Whatever the reason, Lo is a big, big problem and Lauren doesn't seem to be acknowledging that. Sure it's a shitty situation when two of your roommate/friends don't get along, but you have to put your big girl panties on at some point and acknowledge that there's a problem before blaming the whole thing on Audrina "seeming disinterested." Shit, if I were in Audrina's shoes, I'd be trying to get the hell out of dodge, too. Lauren (and Lo) is nothing but a gigantic ball of judgment, regardless of what she says otherwise. Phew. In the meantime, Brody, who I like most of the time, decides to pull out all the stops and be the douchiest douchebag ever — he tells Lauren to kick Audrina out of the house AND then proceeds to completely dog Stephanie out in front of everyone at dinner, causing her to get upset. I think Stephanie's a bit of a dillweed, but no one deserves to be humiliated in front of their friends (and the several million people watching) like that. The episode comes to a random ass cliff hanger when Frankie tells the gang that Brody and Doug were in jail. Dun Dun DUN!

Cliffhanger be damned, as we find out in "Something Has to Change." Brody and Doug, as it turns out, were doing something involving pressing charges against a guy that punched one of them ... Screw that, they were totally making out the whole time. Don't try to cover it up, guys! Me and Frankie can see through your whole charade! The gang leaves Vegas and goes back to LA, where Audrina and Lauren awkwardly avoid each other, while constantly telling others that they need to talk. Stop talking about talking and just DO it, girls! Eventually they do (and Audrina wears this awesome pair of red pants — Team Audrina all the way, man!), but it ends up being the most frustrating thing to watch. They both talk, yet say nothing. And they definitely don't listen to anything the other is saying ... Or not saying, I should say. Lauren somehow manages to make the whole thing Audrina's fault (I've had that happen to me before and it's absolutely baffling to have a situation be spun on you so suddenly like that), Audrina accepts it and apologizes, and suddenly everything is all better. Oh, and Lauren cries black, black tears. Meh. [Image]

Tuesday, 9/9

90210 - 1.3 "Lucky Strike"

Oh, this show ... I reiterate that it has so, so much potential, but I fear it won't quite be what it could be. I mean, the original Beverly Hills, 90210 left some pretty humongus shoes to fill when you think about it. I'll do my best to think positively, though. In this week's episode, we're led to believe that it's automatically a few weeks (or perhaps up to a month?) after the first two episodes. This is convenient plot-wise, 'cause we get to miss the majority of the melancholy-awkward-transition phase that comes along with a big move like that in which you're unhappy for no apparent reason a lot of the time. You know, feeling homeless 'cause where you once were isn't your home anymore and where you are now definitely isn't your home ... It's a sucky feeling, and only goes away with time. I say it's lucky for us that they skipped all that 'cause really, it wouldn't be entertaining for a TV show. Who wants to watch teenagers mope around when they could be scheming and plotting to ruin each others' lives? Honestly!

The main plotline within the Wilson household was completely boring and pointless, so I don't really want to focus on it much. The overview is that the family is all busy and super involved with their respective jobs and school commitments, and Aunt Becky Lori Laughlin wants the family to spend some time together. So they force their ungrateful children to go bowling with them in public on a Friday night. Yawn. In other plotlines, however, Erin aka "Silver," who is Kelly Taylor's little sister, obviously doesn't want to spend any time at her house, as we can tell from her trying to stay at a battered women's shelter and her sister's house in lieu of going home. We find out at the end that their mother is an emotionally abusive alcoholic, and Kelly ends up comingto her sister's aid just in time. Jennie Garth is basically my favorite thing about this show so far, so any character connected with her character is okay by me. The other main plotline has to do with uber-bitch Naomi, who finds out that not only has her dad been having an affair for several years, but her mom knows about it and is strangely okay with it. This screws Naomi over in the head, and she runs to her now-ex-who-likes-BJs-in-cars Ethan, even though Ethan likes Darcy Annie and Annie likes Ty but might like Ethan too. Whew. What a whirlwind. All in all, this show's gotta keep on trying to be as good as it could be. MORE KELLY, I say! [Images]

 Wednesday, 9/10

America's Next Top Model - 11.3 "The Ladder of Model Success"

Normally when the show is in the early stages like this, I have trouble remembering girls' names and telling them apart from one another. Strangely enough, that doesn't seem to be happening yet this season. My guess is because the house this season is filled with girls that stand out in some way, whether it's because they're made of awesome (see: Marjorie, Isis, Joslyn, Sheena), whack ass bitches (see: Clark, Hannah), or just plain striking (Elina, Analeigh). Way to overcome my painfully horrid short-term memory, girls! Believe me, that's one hell of a feat.

So anyway, in this episode we are treated yet again with the bendy bald man who claims to have invented vogueing Bennie Ninja. I honestly can never decide whether I like him or he gets on my nerves ... What I'm really afraid of is Tyra giving in and putting him on panel. I mean, she did it with Miss J, right? Then again, I don't think Bennie is anywhere near the awesomeness that is Miss J Alexander, so lets not get ahead of ourselves. Bennie comes to teach the girls about extreme posing with a contortionist, just like in Cycle 7. Except this time we don't have Melrose acting like a catty bitch toward a whiney and unsuspecting Anchal. This go-round we have Sheena proving how truly bendy she is and the rest of the girls trying to be extreme and high fashion while flailing around in mesh windsocks. If that's high fashion, you can count me out, Bennie Ninja. Their challenge the next day was to demonstrate several extreme poses using a purse as a prop for some uppity pink-haired bitch I've never heard of ... Good ol' Sheena made us all proud by putting her legs behind her head and putting the purse in her crotch. I love you, Sheena. Never change! Elina ends up winning the challenge.

The big drama of this episode was once again centered around Hannah, who can't resist telling anyone who will listen that she's from Alaska and all this is new to her. Believe us, Hannah, we know.  Even if you didn't remind us every five seconds, we'd still be able to tell just by the way you act. After the challenge, the gang was getting down in the hot tub, and Hannah gave Isis an unfriendly shove when she felt she was getting too close. Isis was classy about it and didn't cause fuss, but Brittany, Sheena, Joslyn and Nikyesha were fed up with Hannah's whack ass actions and professions of being the "whitest white girl" and a "stereotypical white person" and decided to confront her about her alleged prejudices. They decide to do so in front of the whole house, which, understandably so, catches Hannah off guard. At the same time, though I find it hard to feel bad for Hannah in the situation, 'cause homegirl totally had it coming. She's very open about the fact that she hasn't had much interaction in the past with people who are different from her, i.e. people of color, people who are born one sex but identify with another. However, instead of being open to learning about these new people and cultures she's being exposed to, she's trying to fit everyone in the house into these categories she thinks they should be in in her head. And when things don't fit in the way she thinks they should, she practically puts her fingers in her ears and shouts "I DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER I'M WHITE AND FROM A SMALL TOWN LALALALALALALALA." Sweetie, don't blame your circumstances and take yourself out of the equation. Sure, you've been sheltered all of your life, but it's something you can ultimately overcome if you actually take the time to TRY instead of judging people and then playing the victim. Her using her upbringing as an excuse to her perpetual ignorance is the biggest cop out, and really, really makes me severely dislike her. And then she tops it all off by calling that ambush "gang rape." Nice, Hannah. Very nice.

The photo shoot the nect day is all about flowy dresses, ladders, and more extreme posing. Elina, Lauren Brie, and Marjorie all kill it, Sheena apparently knows how to hang on to the ladder using only her butt cheeks (that's my girl, Sheena), and Nikyesha, Hannah, and Isis all struggle. During panel, the next day, we find out that *dun dun DUN* Sheena's had a boob job! They asked her about it, she lied, and then came clean at the end of the panel. It's okay, Sheena. I love you, fake boobies and all. Lauren Swiss Brie is called first, to no one's surprise, followed by Elina and Joslyn. That leaves Isis (wah!) and Nikyesha for the bottom two. Thankfully, Nikyesha was the one to go home, meaning we don't have to deal with her Tootie haircut and spindly arms anymore. Huzzah! And even more reasons to huzzah? Next week is MAKEOVERS!! I can't wait to see the meltdowns and bitchfests this group has to offer. [Image]

Project Runway - 5.9 "What's Your Sign?"

Okay, Kenley has got  to go. I loathe her with ever fiber of my being. It's not even a fun-loathing, like it was with Santino Rice or Christian Siriano in the early episodes of season 4. I hate Kenley the same way I hate Rami and Season 1's Wendy Pepper — she's annoying as hell, she thinks she's the shit, and her voice is the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Oh, and her red-lipstick-kewpie-doll-vintage-love-affair vibe is totally not working at all. I spit in your general direction, Kenley!

Whew. Okay, on with the recap. This week, our trusty band of designers have to team up with a contestant from this season that has already been eliminated (ooooh!) in order to create an avant garde look inspired by their zodiac sign. Interesting ... And certainly a lot of opportunity for fug. The pairs were: Blayne & Stella (sheer perfection) doing Libra, Terri & crybaby Keith doing Leo, Kenley (argh) & shortshorts Wesley doing Aquarius, Leanne & hipster Emily doing Scorpio, Jerrell (my favorite) & Jennifer doing Saggitarius, Korto & Kelli doing Aquarius, Suede & that guy that was eliminated the first episode doing Aquarius, and Joe & "I have impeccable taste" Daniel doing Leo .. or something. Sorry, my brain is escaping me and Television Without Pity seems to be down, so I'm left to my own devices. Nooooooooo! So anyway, the gang gets two days to complete their look, but are surprised at the end of day one by Tim telling them that they have to show their look at a party that night. Oooh, sneaky sneaky! The party, as it turns out, is at a planetarium and is chock full of PR contestants from previous seasons (including season 2's DANIEL VOSOVIC who is my all time favorite .. God, I love him!) who picked the winning outfit. The designers + Heidi loved Leanne's, Korto's, & Jerrell's outfits, to no one's surprise. No one seemed surprised with Kenley's plaid & floral Aquarius outfit — it didn't look like anything related to Aquarius at all, and Kenley didn't seem to care. Of course. 'Cause she's freakin' Kenley. Christina Siriano (I love him) wasn't impressed with the fur collar on Terri's Leo outfit, which Terri threw a snit about later. Terri really didn't end up coming up smelling like a rose in this episode. It's no secret that she's a talented designer, as are they all, but she really  doesn't play well with others. She treated Suede like ass in the Lipstick Jungle challenge and is doing the same to Keith here. Granted, I'm not the biggest Suede or Keith fans, but no one deserves to be constantly passive-aggressively tortured while they're already in an extreme pressure situation like that.

On the runway the next day, Kenley, Blayne and Terri were all lambasted for their fugly garments. To no one's surprise, Kenley stood up for hers, talked over the judges, and told Heidi Klum and Michael Kors that they didn't really know what they were talking about. Nice, Kenley, real classy. That's going to get you really, really far. Unfortunately, Terri's and Blayne's garments were much uglier than Kenley's, and they were sent home. Meaning I have to deal with this stank person for yet another week. Oy gevalt. But at least Jerrell won the challenge! Yayyyy! I love it if he, Korto or Leanne won. They're my picks. [Image]

"Heidi and I want you to move out.  Straight up," said Spencer.

Poor Holly, Spencer made her doubt her sister.

"Kick'em the f*ck out!" said Justin, referring to her strained relationship with Lauren and Lo.

Kelly Cutrone of People's Revolution put Whitney in charge of styling Lady Gaga's record launch.

Heidi asked Spencer, "What did you say to her?" Referring to Holly being incommunicado and her absence from their condo.

Lo spotted on Facebook!

At the Area Nightclub, Lady GaGa's catsuit runs into a bit of a snag.

But no need to worry, Lauren fixes the zipper on her outfit and Lady GaGa calls her, "a Superwoman" before she goes out on stage.

A look of relief from the dynamic dual after a disaster averted.

I just had to stick this in.  This was Lady GaGa signing the ass of my buddy, Josh when she was in town performing at the Mirage.  LOL!!!

Back at the Speidi household, Holly returns and is consoled by her little sister.

This was a great scene between Lauren and Audrina!

Man, the past 2 episodes just had me in tears.  LOL!!!

You can download this episode as a torrent file here.  If you live in Canada and you want to watch it streaming, click here.  For American residents, go here.

We were left with a major cliffhanger last episode--Brody's in jail (and Doug too, if you care about Doug). Meanwhile LC, Lo, and Steph are worrying their pretty little heads, calling jails, and wondering if they should call a "bond store." Don't laugh--these girls are on TV, and we're not. 

Since last episode, I kept thinking, not another one from the Jenner/Kardashian clan hauled off to the slammer. Whoa--I seriously just pondered whether clan was spelled with a "c" or a "k"--thank you, Kardashians. Thank you.

"We were in casino jail filing a police report." What? You had me all worried and holding my breath to find out that you were in casino jail?! That's like MALL JAIL! Casino jail? Casino jail? CASINO JAIL? There ain't even no crackheads in casino jail!

Once again, everyone's asking where is Audrina? Can't you guys just enjoy your last moments in Vegas?

Before they all get in their vans to the airport, Audrina approaches LC to say, "We need to have a talk." LC tells Audrina that she'd see her at home... No you won't. Audrina lives in the guest house, remember? Too many steps...

Wait, this Holly girl is Heidi's OLDER sister! You came all the way from Crested Butte, Colorado to Los Angeles to mooch off of your YOUNGER sister?

Spencer drops a bomb on Holly and tells her that he AND Heidi want her to move out. So after a signature "The Hills" long pause/hesitation, she bounces with her Chanel bag in tow, talking about how she's "out right now" or whatever. I bet she only came to California with that bag and a few glosses and some mascara. 

Whitney always just politely entertains LC's ridiculous non-issues that she has like, EVERYDAY. "How were things with Audrina in Vegas...Anyways, go make these jeans look vintage." You shouldn't bring that drama to WORK!

I so agreed with Justin Bobby--don't waste any moment of your life feeling whatever which way... Audrina, get out of the guest house, and go stay with him for a few days.

Whitney is just so professionally picture perfect. At a People's Revolution meeting, Kelly Cutrone assigns her styling opportunities for an event coming up, and Lauren's looking at Whitney with her "yay" on. LC, now's not the time for "yay"--congratulate her later, in private. So inappropriate!

Heidi comes home, looking for her sister. Spencer, like the mature man that he is, indirectly tells her that he ran her out onto the streets. Heidi gets upset and walks away. What's keeping her with this guy?

In another non-brilliant move in her obvious, passive-aggressive plan to stage a coup for the attractive spot as LC's primary best friend on the show, shady Lo keeps divisively bringing up Audrina to Lauren. Lo probably believes that if she can break up that friendship, they'll be a vacant spot in the opening credits with her name on it... Lo, you're smart. You graduated from college, right? Now please direct your attention over to Exhibit A, Heidi Montag.

At the People's Revolution event, Lauren is steaming garments, and she brings up her always one dimensional dramz with Whitney yet again, in how we've seen her do for four seasons now. Um, don't you realize that Whitney is just trying to be polite? You're working now, so don't try to pretend like the whole Audrina not speaking to you thing is pervading your whole world, because that didn't stop you from living it up in Vegas.

Lady Gaga's zipper broke, and Lauren fixes it. She's gotten better at working wardrobe malfunctions since she burned that gown in Paris last season, one of my favorite reality moments, btw.

Holly comes home to Heidi and they make up. But onto the real excitement--Audrina walks over to Lauren's house, and LC's acting all snippy and so defensive! What is wrong with this girl? Like, why is she yelling at Audrina? Well, if you want my opinion, I thought their whole relationship was forced and therefore doomed from the beginning. I mean, producers approached Audrina about being a third friend for LC and Heidi. And I always thought Audrina meshed so much better with Heidi. I've actually had this crazy, crazy theory that LC was only drawn to Audrina by default, after LC made the decision to kick Heidi out of both of their lives. I really never observed any actual chemistry between them, there's too much "trying."

Are they just recycling LC/Audrina crying clips? Here we are again, in the midst of the fourth season, and LC and Audrina are, yet again, having a teary state-of-the-friendship meeting. LC, I'll tell you what has to change: YOU!

Next time on "The Hills": Heidi's sister Holly texts Lauren and they meet up for lunch. Looks like Lauren has a relationship with all of the Speidi siblings now. That just screams desperation.

Ladies, this man knows karate and is not afraid to wear embellished low-riding jeans made for 15 year old girls.  Hide your dignity.

Thanks Towelroad!

As You All Know, this week was kicked off with the 2008 MTV VMAs...

From our terribly inappropriate, self-righteous host to Jordan Chastity-Belt Sparks, the night of the VMAs was far more in-your-face that's-what-you-get-from-live-TV sort of-controversial. The Jonas Brothers were the butt of all jokes (rather funny at first and I'm not about to pretend it wasn't) and Xtina Aguilera proved what a super-hooker she could be in a touch-myself Genie in a Bottle performance. Overall, the entire show was a disaster.

Monday-

AYAK, the commercials for The Hills looked perplexing But Let Me Tell You, the actual episode was nothing great.

Sunday's episode of The Hills ended with Doug and Brody "in jail" and this night's episode began with Lauren, Lo, and Simpleton Pratt searching phone books for them. It went something like this:

"Doug got punched and both he and Brody are in jail." *girls gape*

"Where are Doug and Brody? They weren't at any of these jails!"

"Doug got punched and both he and Brody are in jail."

"Audrina is going down." (Lo)

"Where are they? We have to keep looking! We'll never find them!"

*Doug and Brody saunter in*

Wow! So thrilling! And still, nobody seemed to care if it was Frankie's "birthday" or not.

Audrina and Justin Bobby avoided LC and her crew in Vegas, but not before the guys from all sides decided to give the girls advice on their friendships.

The theatrical trailers all week showed Lauren and Audrina having some sort of teary-eyed breakup, but it turned out to not really happen. Great. Exciting. Thanks.

Heidi and Spencer were lackluster- the entire time. Spencer was "working on his high scores" and whining about Holly deleting his shows on TiVo and Heidi was "working." Pfft.

On Gossip Girl, AKA the juiciest and most messed-up show ever:

In a turn of events, Marcus' mother; The Dutchess is actually Nate's mistress Catherine, who doesn't approve of Blair especially after hearing she is N's ex. Serena knows all the dish, of course, but is mostly annoyed at Chuck for bringing Catherine when B didn't invite him since, hey, it's pretty easy to be annoyed at Chuck Bass. The Archibalds are having money problems, to which Chuck made a hefty donation towards and Catherine covered the rest for her "adolescent" lover. In the end, Nate's problems were too big to follow through with his plans with Vanessa and Blair found out about the affair. This might be a lot to wrap your head around but that's okay. Gossip Girl is always there to spell it out for you, slowly and in baby-speak.

I probably shouldn't have tuned in to the last 10 minutes of One Tree Hill, where Lucas and Peyton had stolen hip-hop child, Grandpa Dan was surprisingly still alive but Brooke looked like death itself. It's kind of tricky not to blink for 60 seconds, or so I've heard. And just when you think things can't get any stranger, Q gets shot in the last five minutes on top of the other body at the gas station! Jeez, this show loves to kill off its own characters.

Tuesday-

Greek News. Cappie News.

Cappie had an awesome-cool Augustana poster in his fake room which only made me like him more and he won the big, important card game! Yay! So much for an hourly moral. Things were finally broken off between Cappie and Rebecca but it's for the better. She's was all wrong for him; needy and self-absorbed; serious and totally not fun!

Mimi

Here's Doug handing out champagne to everyone.

As you can see in this photo, Stephanie is definitely impressed by Doug.

During the flight though, Brody makes an inappropriate toast to Stephanie, "Having little Steph here is almost as good as having Spencer here."

I felt bad for Stephanie here.

Now back at the Speidi household, Heidi tells Spencer that Holly (Heidi's sister) will be staying with them because she's moving into town.  I loved Spencer's reaction especially when he said, "Ask her next time, 'Did Spencer find a bunch of tampons...'" LOL!!!

Oh man, I really felt bad for Stephanie here.  She opened the door big time when she confronted Brody in front of everyone about what he's been saying to Lauren about her.  She started to cry at the dinner table after Brody told her countless times, she was crazy and asked her to leave.

Even Lauren felt bad and took her upstairs to console her.

I still remember this season on "The After Show", Stephanie mentioned she's scared to death to argue with either Spencer or Brody.  Now, I see why.

"You making girls cry now, dude?" asked Doug.  Props to Doug for trying to stop the argument earlier.  Man, Brody was a mean mofo in this episode.

LOL!!!  This guy's totally checking out the scene at the party in LAX.

Looks like these guys recognized Audrina and Justin.  LOL!!!

The episode finished off with Frankie informing the girls the next morning, that Brody and Doug were in jail!

You can download this episode as a torrent file here.  If you live in Canada and you want to watch it streaming, click here.  For American residents, go here.

I swear that it's someone's freakin' birthday every week on this show. This time, Frankie's the jolly good fellow (I seriously heart Frankie), and the whole gang is flying out to Vegas for a big drama argument ridiculous scream fest a celebration, probably at a club that will look exactly like one they've gone to every week in Los Angeles. I guess sometimes we all just need a change of scenery, especially when the best clips of your life edited together for a television program airing on MTV each week are so boring and redundant interesting.

You remember last week when LC broke off her non-relationship with Doug. Now, she, Stephanie, Lo, Brody, and my Frankie are flying on Doug's private jet to Vegas (I sure hope Doug recycles). Stephanie can't believe that Lauren broke up with a guy who has a jet (another glimpse into She-Pratt's winning character traits), to which Lauren responds: "We're still going on the jet, aren't we?" Does LC seriously think she's getting on defensive Dougie's jet after weirdly breaking up with him last week simply because she "got it like that"? No! Doug's just trying to become a fixture on the show!

Now let's take a moment aside to answer Stephanie's ridiculous and passive drama-starting question:

"Why didn't Audrina and Justin Bobby come with us on this plane?"

I would demand that Steph got a clue, but I'm sure we all know that she knows Audrina's not on the jet for the same reason that Audrina lives out back in the guest house. (Let's not get too harsh now--maybe Stephanie only reads the pages of the script with her name on it). There's no reason why I should be well-versed in Justin Bobby politics while Stephanie (who actually knows these people) is not. And really, there's no reason why I should be informed. But I can't help that I'm drawn into the madness.

Brody called Steph out immediately for that divisive comment, nicknaming her "little Spence." Then the director told LC to make a sad face and look down. Both of which she executed very well.

This has troubled me every week, every season: If I were Natasha Bedingfield, I'm not sure how I would feel about my hit song being used as the theme to all of this madness for all of these lovely, beachy, independent young women in the city. But I'm sure that nice little check she gets for "Unwritten" being the theme (and not to mention, the soundtrack to EVERYTHING for like, two years now) quiets those thoughts fast. We can use "Pocket Full of Sunshine" for my show. I promise to do the song proud.

I loved this look of concern on Steph's face when Lauren said all she has to do is show Brody that she's trustworthy. Her face was totally screaming how the heck am I going to do THAT?

Holly--how do you move to a new city with no plan and no place to stay? In that case, I'm moving to London next week and I guess Gwen Stefani or Madonna will just have to oblige and let me sleep on their couch and be their children's au pair. But seriously, how do you have no problem imposing, especially when your sister lives with her boyfriend, never mind the fact that the bf is Spencer.

How many times did EVERYONE ask "where's Audrina" on this episode?

What beef does Brody have with Audrina? I'm so confused! Maybe he's just over the complaining (me too). But Audrina is NOT the problem here! Well, I didn't see the thing at Goa (was that on last week's episode?) so I have no idea what LC's talking about or why she's mad. Oh, wait--I just realized that they don't have footage of it. Why didn't they just recreate it like they do everything else? But LC, if you're mad because Audrina didn't say "hi" then you're too needy--you LIVE together! Why do you need to say "hi"?!

Whoa--Stephanie had a drug problem? She brought it up oh so casually! Why would Stephanie confront Brody in the middle of dinner like that? Lauren told Steph what he said, so I thought it was kind of humiliating (and tacky and inappropriate) for her to betray everyone's confidence in the middle of Frankie's birthday. If anyone should be crying, it should be Frankie! It's his party and he can cry if he wants to! Like he said, he just don't want no beef on his birthday! But it was his party, and Stephanie cried. 

I want Frankie to be my mediator. Seriously. He's a brilliant arbiter, and I just love him.

Audrina to Justin Bobby on the dramz: "It's constant. It's draining me." EXACTLY! It is constant. Escape, Audrina, escape!

Did Spencer seriously just show up at Heidi's work to gripe about Holly erasing some of his Tivo shows? Spencer, aren't there any independent music videos you could be directing in your surplus spare time?

Finally, Frankie hasn't gotten any sleep because he got a text that Brody's in jail... Frankie is SUCH an amazing friend!

Does Brody Jenner have an evil twin? Tonight on The Hills, we were introduced to an alterna-Brody. This Brody has stubble and wears sunglasses indoors and seems angry all the time and spends the night in jail and---most interestingly---is some sort of truth-telling machine. I kinda like this guy!

The trouble began as the gang jetted to Vegas to celebrate Frankie birthday. After last week's yawner of a break-up, everything remained cordial between LC and Doug (or "baby" and "Dougie" as they referred to each other). An aside: From what I'm seeing, it doesn't seem like LC has any real reason to be mad when the She-Pratt has her much-hyped date with Doug later in the season. Lauren just seems so ovah him. But I digress.

Things were not so cordial between the new, improved Brody and Stephanie (who is so clearly being moved into the friend position formerly occupied by Audrina--she might as well take over the guest house, too!) First, Brody made a passive aggressive toast to Stephanie on the jet. Then, when she attempted to call him out over dinner, he called her a "complete psycho." Even when tears sprang to the She-Pratt's eyes, The Brodster continued to verbally kick her ass until she fled to the bathroom. (Oh and earlier, Brody was seriously hating on Audrina, telling Lauren to just kick her out of the house already! Perhaps the new Brody emerged because the old one is sick of hearing LC whine about her same problems all the time?)

Even Lauren seemed taken aback by the changed Brody. She stayed quiet and only comforted the weeping She-Pratt when they were safely ensconced in their room alone. Her advice: "Don't ever cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you." That's one for the ages. A true Lauren-ism. She should really compile her words of wisdom into a day calendar or something. Sigh.

Back in Speidi-land, Heidi's sister, Holly, moved in, as we knew she would. On her very first night in town, Speidi ditched their new (and probably hungry!) roomie and went out to dinner. As Heidi called out, "Bye! Call me if you need anything! Love you!" it was serious deja vu---that's the same thing she used to say when she left Lauren at home and ran off to Spencer. (Additional deja vu: Spencer calling Heidi at work and ordering her out to his car for a talk.) Anyway, the typical roomie hijinks ensued (Holly wears PJs and it makes Spencer uncomfortable! Holly erases Spencer's TV shows on Tivo!) and I'm sure there's much more of that to come. 

Things have gone from bad to worse between LC and Audrina. (Why would Audrina and Justin Bobby even go to Vegas with them? Makes no sense.) The showdown is coming next episode. Personally, instead of crying their eyeliner off, I think the girls should just call in The Brodster to handle all this. He'd set everyone straight.

Oh and another thing: How come the ever-present MTV cameras didn't capture the alleged incident of "disrespect" at Goa between LC and Audrina? Seriously, what are they paying these guys for?

I feel obligated to watch this show for some reason, and I don't know why that is. But as season 4 wanes, I keep thinking, "Are we there yet?!"

If anyone seeks drama, it's Lauren. She doesn't have a successful relationship with anyone. And by anyone, I mean everyone on the show except for Whitney and Lo (friendship countdown starts now).

I love Whitney. I love Whitney because she's career focused and driven, but what could be more uncomfortable than having your boss set you up on a date? Whenever there's a new character on the show, I'm very skeptical about their motives. Not so much with Alex (the boy Whitney's boss made her go out with). Because who's to say that these boys aren't plotting their way onto the show (like we know Brody and Spencer did)?

Spencer: "Time to get in bed and cuddle, my dear."

EWWWW!!! Vomitous!!!

When Lauren told Brody that her type was someone she's already dated, I didn't know if she was coyly referring to Brody, or that you-know-who-dat-is "bad boy" that helped her to decide to opt out of the Paris trip (I think she was talking about Jason). Brody calling Stephanie out on her ulterior motives? Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle...

But I think I lost brain cells during the hamster/guinea pig banter. Why would the producers include that in the show? Well, I already felt deeply shamed for being addicted to this show, and now they're insulting my intelligence as well...

LC: "No, no, Steph--Hamsters are about this size."

To make amends with her brother, Stephanie bought Spencer a C.I.A. book!!! What?! LOL!!! Well, I definitely give this show major snaps for unpredictability!!! That was absolutely nonsensical!!! I knew that Spencer was interested in foreign policy (see Spencer's analogy relating "The Hills" to Iran/Israel) but I had no idea about his C.I.A. fascination.

And to think, poor Dougie wasted his time looking for the prom pictures at his Laguna house...

And as for the previews of the next episode--Frankie's getting a text from Brody that he and Doug are in jail! LOL! I love Frankie, and I want him to be my manager.