Ang sikip ng mundo. Parang ang hirap gumalaw. O ako lang ba talaga ang nasisikipan?

Sabi nila, masaya mamuhay sa mundo. Napakapalad. Kasi nga naman, marami dyan ang ni hindi na nasikatan ng araw. Marami dyan ang saglit lang, umalis din. Samantalang ako, matagal tagal na din ang itinatagal ko rito sa mundong ibabaw. Pero bakit ganun? Parang hindi masaya?

Aaminin ko, may mga 'saya' moments naman ako. Marami yun. Pero ganun talaga e, mas naa-outweigh ng 'sad' moments. Haay. Napaka pesimistiko ko na naman.

Test lang daw ito. Pagsubok - Mas marami pang dadating na mas malala pa ito. Nasa sayo na lang kung pano mo ito titignan. Kung pano mo ito haharapin. Ito tanong ko: Kung sugatan ka na ba sa naunang laban, mas nanaisin mo pa bang suungin ang ikalawa?

Ako siguro hindi. Bawat 'sad' moment sakin kasi may tatak. Kumbaga may imprint na sa utak ko. Sabi ko nga, kung kaya ko lang warakin ang sarili ko. Palitan ko ulit ng bago gagawin ko. Matanggal ko lang ang mga pangit na alaala at mga gawi ko. Para kasi akong kabinet. Kada bilang ng araw inaagiw. Naluluma.

Ewan. Gusto kong lumayo muna. Mapag-isa. Mag-isip kung ano ang nangyari bakit nagkaganun. Gusto kong linisin ang sarili ko, sa labas at sa loob. Gusto ko malinaw ang pag-iisip ko.

Gusto ko Magnilay.

 Pulot ko ito sa hindi ko na matandaan kung saan.  Sa una, hindi ko napigilan makaramdan ng lungkot para sa kanya.   Naalala ko kasi minsan sa isang chapter ng buhay ko iisa kami ng nararamdaman. 

Totoo! Nagnilay din ako sa isang malayong lugar… sa parte ng Visayas ako napadpad.  Isang isla na walang ilaw kada ika-sampu ng gabi hanggang ika-anim ng umaga.  Ibang-iba sa kinalakihan ko at nakagawian.  Inisip ko baka sakali duon magawa kong hanapin ang sarili ko… baka sakali duon mahilamusan ng tubig- dagat ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.  Pero hindi ako nagtagumpay, dahil sa tinagal tagal ko duon umuwi ako na “AKO” pa din.  Ang “Ako” na kaya harapin ang bawat pagsubok na darating.  Ang “Ako” na meron tiwala sa sarili at higit sa lahat me tiwala  sa “Kanya”.  Dahil siya ang me alam ng kung ano ang mas makakabuti at nararapat.  Duon ko lang nalaman walang dapat hanapin, wala naman nawawala.  Ako ay ako pa din pagdating ko sa “Maynila”.

Carts, carts, carts, the roads are full of carts.  High carts, low carts.  Elegant, newly painted carts.  Rich luxurious carts.  Rickety carts.  Squeaky carts complaining with each turn of the wheels.  Carts piled high with trash and rubbish.  Carts filled wit briers and brush.  Carts full of flowers and vegetables.  Frilly carts.  Sombre carts.  Carts loaded with lumber and stone.  Carts full of rich black earth.  Abandoned carts.  Carts worn out in service.  Repaired carts.  Carts broken and crushed by overloadings.  Carts rusted with disuse.  Slow carts, soiled, neglected carts.  Neat, trim carts.  Carts cramped and uncomfortable.  Spacious and comfortable carts.  Emergency carts.  work carts.  Pleasure carts.  splendid carts that travel noiselessly and unnoticed, healing ointments.  Carts, carts, carts, the roads are full of carts ...

what cart are you?

(Click image to enlarge)

Blasphemy! Complete and utter heresy!

Madami naman na tulad ko na bumagsak pero diba ika nga “In time”. 

Hindi ko lang maubos maisip, ano ba meron sa isang papel na iyon?  Kung susuriin isa lamang ito na pangkaraniwan at paglipas ng panahon magdidilaw sa kalumaan.  Ewan ko!

Ang totoo at hindi ko ito ikakaila na kahit ganun lang yun ka- ordinaryo minsan sa buhay ko hinangad ko rin ang papel na yun.  Sino ba naman ako para hindi mangarap… mangarap ng ilan taon.  Sa sitwasyon ko ngayon parang malabo, parang di pa rin napapanahon, parang di pa rin “In time”.  Pero hindi ko ito ipagsisiksikan at hindi sumagi sa isip ko na ipagpilitan.  Maging isa itong karaniwan tampulan ng kantyaw sa madalas namin tumpukan.  Wala naman masama kung uulitin ko diba. Kung mag uumpisa ako muli… kung mangangarap ako muli.  Hindi dahilan na minsan akong nangarap at nabigo,  para ako mawalan ng pag asa at sumuko na lang.   

Swertehan lang naman daw talaga ang labanan.

Me mga kilala din naman ako na madaling sinuwerte… pero pagkatapos ano na ba ang nangyari?  Tulad ko din.. bumabangon, nag uumpisa ang pag kakaiba me hawak sila na papel na pilit nilang pinabubura ang letra.  Para sa akin hindi ito swertehan na parang nanalo ka sa lotto o kamalasan na parang nabaon ka sa utang.  Eto ang tinatawag na parte ng buhay lamang.  Tuloy tuloy lang ang laban!

I just need:

1. To be nicer

2. To be prettier

3. To have bigger boobs

Sus! Yun lang pala!

Kasi yung 'tiyaya' na ilang beses nang napagkamalang 'tihaya' e katabi nung 'tuwad'. Ano pa ba ang kulang na posisyon dyan?

Oo natatawa ako sa mga walang kwentang bagay. At nanonood ako ng "Lobo". Mahal ko rin si Piolo.

Oh, and I also saw this sign in the middle of McArthur Highway almost two weeks ago on my way home from Manila: CONSTRUCTION GOING ON. THANK YOU FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

... I need to move, I need to wake up, I need to change, I need to shake up, I need to speak out, something's got to break up, I've been asleep and I need to wake up now...

There are shocking and disturbing amounts of money spent on the US Primaries, and remember its still just the primaries with Obama spending $1.5 million a day in February alone, that's just Obama!

Anyway every cloud.....Rod Taylor has done a great post on the Blogorrhea Blog, "What fundraisers should learn from Barack Obama".

In it Rod has picked out 5 lessons fundraisers should take from the campaign, here's a synopsis:

1) Hope sells. People don’t want to throw their money at an endless intractable problem. They want to see some hope for a better outcome.

2) Change sells too. Get your donors excited by presenting a new approach that actually stands a chance of changing the game and solving a problem. (Rod also mentions nothing but nets which I spoke about earlier)

3) Words matter. Long letters pull better. Shut up and test it if you’re sceptical….. longer letters (containing more words) inspire more people to take action. And some words matter more than others: You, Free, Thanks, to name just a few.

4) But delivery matters more. Yes, words do matter. But if you don’t get people’s attention with an intriguing package design they’ll never get read in the first place. No matter how short or long the letter is.

5) It’s better to raise a little money from a lot of people than a lot of money from a few. If you build a nonprofit on a foundation of a million donors you are going to be around for the long haul. But if you rely on a handful of donors to give you big gifts you are in a much more perilous predicament. 

These are just some highlighted pieces from the post so take the time to read it all here (and its a great blog so subscribe in a reader too!)

Hopefully some future good can come from these elections.

Aside from the usual libel about me being Anti-American (not true) and pro-terrorist (also not true), he takes one of my more controversial statements out-of-context, contorts it horribly, and uses it to besmirch my blogocred:

That’s right. Mr. Hussayn Toasterhead thinks that all the people who died in the September 11, 2001 al-Qaida terrorist attack had what was coming to them. Note the language, he says “deserve,” this implies that Toasterhead not only hates America, but also, he supports al-Qaida.

Completely false. I have never said that all the people who died in the awful 9/11 attacks "had what was coming to them," except in this very sentence in which I am saying that I never said that. Now it is true that during a heated debate with a conservatroll I have, on occasion, stated that the United States deserved to be attacked -- referring to the country as a whole, not to the innocent civilians who were killed during the attack. I may not have said it as eloquently as, say, an angry white preacher or an angry black preacher, but I said it.

That does not mean that I support al-Qa'ida (I don't) or hate America (I don't). It just makes me a harsh critic of a country that I and many others feel has misbehaved, and badly. It is an "I told you so" to a country that created terrorist monsters around the world and didn't bother to think about the blowback this would inevitably cause. It is a scolding of a government that received warnings of an impending attack by al-Qa'ida and did nothing to stop it. It is a wag of the finger to a bully that has committed horrible atrocities around the world in the name of profit, while hypocritically bragging about freedom and democracy. I am merely petitioning my government for redress of grievances. Progressives and conservatives alike are welcome to disagree with me. But I ask that you take issue with my words, not the ones Trajan or Konservo or any other conservatrolls put in my mouth.

My review of Mr. P's hit piece: Two Thumbs Down

How curious.

Well, Mr. Trajan75 -- IF that is your real name -- I regret to inform you that I will not be leaving America any time soon. First of all, it's where I keep all my stuff. Second of all, contrary to popular belief, I do not, in fact, hate America - I love this country, even when it misbehaves. Third of all, and most importantly, I'm not going to let you fucks off so easily.

See, while I do love the United States, I object to a great many aspects of U.S. foreign policy, specifically what I and many published authors have characterized as the American Empire. Unlike the old conquer-and-colony empires of past centuries that required massive armies to maintain, the United States built its empire through staged coups, targeted assassinations, and debt slavery. And although these actions were framed at the time as "stopping Soviet expansion," the truth is that they were about advancing U.S. corporate interests, as well as those of our allies. It started with Operation Ajax overthrowing Iran's elected president in 1953 as punishment for nationalizing the Anglo-Iranian Oil Company, and then spread to Guatemala and Chile and Indonesia and Honduras and Cuba and Colombia and Panama and many other places. And where we didn't use the stick of covert ops and terrorism, we used the Bretton Woods institutions and many self-serving foreign assistance projects to provide carrots that would ensure countries' continued subservience to U.S. corporate interests, even at the expense of their own citizens. This behavior is documented in many books and web sites, including declassified CIA reports.

Now, I'm all for a country protecting its own interests. I'm all for a country using diplomacy and trade to further its own interests in the world. But these efforts must be grounded in the rule of law. I want my country to adopt a foreign policy that recgnizes its shameful past and participates fairly in the international arena. It's not about socialism or communism - I believe capitalism can work, but it must be grounded in some rules that protect human rights. We can build prosperity without building empire.

As always, I invite comments or criticism on this topic. However, in the interest of pissing off the conservatrolls, I will be changing their comments to Zappa lyrics.

UPDATE! - TP Watch is blogging about this blog! Too chicken to come over here and debate me blogo-a-blogo, Trajan75 has seen fit to libel me once again on his pathetic internettery, and even threatens me with bodily harm - IN THE PAST:

Toasterhead is a Traitor and If I ever met you I’d spit on you! If I had met you the way I was 15 years ago, you’d end up really hurt. I have no respect for you and will combat your lies. Traitorhead. Long Live America and death to it’s enemies, including you Traitorhread, pray to Allah your Moon God that we never meet.

15 years ago? Oh no!! The conservatrolls have invented TIME TRAVEL!

Look out, Toasterhead of 1993! Put down those Nirvana 8-tracks and flannel shirts and be on the lookout for a basement-dwelling conservatroll from the Internet! He's armed -- with saliva!!

UPDATE 2: Whew. I'm still here. Looks like Toasterhead of 1993 got the message and avoided the time-travelling conservatroll.

Now I can only pray that my past self didn't accidentally step on any butterflies that would have altered the path of history and created an alternate present in which, say, Al Gore had somehow lost the election of 2000 and gained a lot of weight chasing ManBearPig. That'd be ludicrous, huh? Pure science-fiction stuff, huh?

major donors aren’t thrilled with how nonprofits are communicating with them

The piece goes on to state that these donors arent likely to donate on line, given the size of their gift, but

the donors want to check out the financial health of the nonprofit. But, more than that, they want to be inspired with stories and pictures.

Aparently 60% of them found this missing from the non profits website they were visting. 60%! That is shocking.

Ok so these are the major donors, but surely EVERY donor wants to see this information. If I am going to take time out of my busy schedule to help your cause I need to be inspired.

Websites are the 1st port of call, of that there is no doubt. Charities should invest in top quality websites. We should be inspired by some of the great Corporate sites and have our sites as informative as possible. And not informative in terms of long sentences about who we are and what we do, this puts people off in my experience, often times websites talk about the services they provide in technical terms people dont understand (or really care about). Tell the story, put a face to your cause.

Read the full original blog here

Then I saw this billboard somewhere along EDSA last weekend. Jovi, wonder no more...

Ugh! Hideous!

In today's bit of blogghorea, they cite TP poster Bilbo "Hussein" Baggins thusly:

Think Progress as has been documented here at TP Watch has expressed open suppport for the Iranian backed Mahdi Army. Well poster Bilbo Hussein express his support of this Fascist Organization.

Bilbo Hussein Baggins Says:
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:31 am

Iraqi Shi’ite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr called on Thursday for a million-strong demonstration against U.S. ‘occupation,’ a potentially destabilizing show of force after his followers battled U.S. and government troops.

Do you suppose having a million people in Iraq saying “get the hell out of our country” would be enough for Bush. Nah… he could care less what the people in Iraq think.

Now, putting aside for a moment the fact that Bilbo's quote doesn't actually express any support for Shi'ite cleric Muqtada as-Sadr, we can also see that the TP Watcher is quite confused in his description of as-Sadr's organization as the "Iranian backed Mahdi Army."

As numerous news organizations have reported, it is not the Mahdi Army of Muqtada as-Sadr that is backed by Iran, but the Badr Organization (the armed wing of the Supreme Islamic Iraqi Council) that was formed in Iran in the 1980s and continues to receive support from Iran. The Badr Organization is the one allied with the ad-Da'wa party of Iraqi President Noori al-Maliki.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that at least one of the posters at TP Watch failed kindergarten and thus is unable to distinguish between these two very different letters.

Truly some high-quality political debate over there at the watch.

At that moment, the definition of "human" will be altered to include "someone who has a blog."

This is when all the blogs will congeal into a gestalt organism, become self-aware, reach through our computers and kill us all.

Then there will be only one Blog. And the Blog will look upon the vast emptiness, and will say unto it, "Let there be light."

And the Blog will see that it is good.

And so I did. I touched his bird and I loved it. Click here to see the pic...

Small Brothers: Yael & Yan 

Naniwala ako sa sabi ni Iya na mas cute si Yan ng Pupil kesa kay Yael ng Sponge Cola (click this link). So now Friendster ko na si Yan. Parang isang pinto ang nagbukas dahil dito. Malay natin, i-message niya ako or i-message ko siya. Pagkatapos magpalitan ng maraming messages, we might exchange YM IDs. Tapos magchachat kami. Tapos we'll exchange cellphone numbers. Tapos magtetext kami. Call pa siguro. Tapos we'll find out na soulmates pala kami. Tapos marerealize namin na mahal namin ang isa't isa. Tapos hihiwalayan niya yung gf or whatever niya. Tapos sasama siya sakin at magpapakalayo layo kami... Yung tipong ganun. Posible di ba? Di baaaaaa???? Hindi? Kk.

I learned the truth at seventeen that love was meant for beauty queens..." - Janis Ian (At Seventeen)

...and heartbreak is for everyone else, including beauty queens." - Jovi