Anyway, reluctant as I was, I picked up the book and I was instantly sucked in.  David Sheff's account of his son, Nic's life, from childhood through adulthood, including his battle with his own addictions to methamphetamines, cocaine, heroin, prescription medication, etc.  Clearly, this story isn't new and groundbreaking--there are memoirs available that have discussed the crisis of addiction, and what the disease does for the family, but there was something about this account that sucked me right in.

The book's honesty and revelations were intense and heartbreaking -- I felt disappointed reading about Nic's decisions and relapses, and joyous with his triumphs and successes.  Having never experimented with drugs myself, I learned so much about the pull and draw of addiction.  I have a better sense of what it means as a disease, which is something I am not sure I knew or really grasped before reading about Nic's struggles and relapses and difficulties as a meth addict.  David Sheff makes the reader understand that dealing with addiction goes beyond wanting the person you love to "just stop" or giving enough love and money to make the person get better.  It's a complex disease, and dealing with it as an outsider involves more than just love.

As someone who has a shaky (at best) relationship with my own father, it made me realize the power of fatherly love, most specifically in the face of crisis.  Nic Sheff wrote his own book about his meth addiction (Tweak), and David and Nic did a book tour together, as a sort of open dialogue about this experience, and the road ahead, in Nic's continued rehabilitation and recovery.

While reading this book, I continued to do research about David and Nic Sheff and their family.  It is true that Nic was raised in the spirit of privilege, in a nouveau-boho family with creative parents and step-parents, and Nic's father does admit to having used drugs (including a one-time experience with crystal meth) but as we all know, there's nothing about any one particular lifestyle that predisposes a child to become a drug addict.  I think it is extraordinarily brave of David to discuss his own history and his own confusion about what he might have exposed his son to.  It's important (I think, especially in memoirs...) to look at the complete story, and reading about David Sheff's process of grieving and growing and dealing with his son's disease really helped me understand what he went through and continues to struggle with. 

I highly highly recommend this book.  I absolutely loved it -- it made me cheer, cry, soar, and fall.  I am so very glad that we are reading this book for book club and I am eager to discuss it.

 It's Geek-O-Rama Time!

I am the Greek Goddess of Geek!

Total Geek!

Complete Geek!

My Children are so Embarressed By Me Geek!

Talk to My Animals in a Cartoon Voice Geek!

Dance and Sing in Public Geek!

Sing in the Car So Loud That People Stare Geek!

Take the Kids to School in My Jammies Geek!

It's so good to know that being a GEEK in this situation is good. "Whew!"  For this week's entry, the books that I'd list as my "favorite" that were published in 2008... well, I still have quite a bit more to go!  I am currently reading The Lost Diary of Don Juan. 

Books that I have completed in 2008:

Dewey

Unaccustomed Earth

The Art of Racing in the Rain

The Gargoyle

Rhett Butler's People

sTori Telling

Beautiful Boy

Certain Girls

Sunday's At Tiffany's

Free Style

The Safety of Secrets

Books on My Nightstand for Completion in 2008:

The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

Being Written

The Lucky One

FaeFever

Who is simply the BEST I've read in 2008, To Date: 

The Menagerie Geek Award goes to The Gargoyle!

I am 36 year old.

I am an exotic dancer and mother of 3 beautiful boys. I attend college maintaining a 3.85 GPA,working towards my doctorate degree in psychology, with dreams of becoming a childrens abuse counselor. I love to go horseback riding, fishing, and camping in my spare time.

Intelligence,Good conversation, and learning new things. I love a classy man who respects me & takes his time for my pleasure! I especially love cam 2 cam and get turned on knowing that you touch yourself for me ;) but no Abusive, insulting, rude and obnoxious men... If this describes you, go elsewhere...It will not be tolerated!!! Premature ejaculation.

Sensual striptease, Erotic oil shows, VERY flexible, hot cam sex with fingers & toys...I am willing to consider requests!!! and I love IMLive because I am able to help people fulfill their fantasies along with my own. This is a great chance to make new friends.

Measurements: 34-26-34 in.
Height: 5' - 5'4'' (1.5 - 1.6m)
Weight: 100-110 lbs (46-50 kg)
Cup Size: B
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Black
Hair Length: Long
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Build: Petite

Right now, I've Got Many, Many Reads Lined Up on My Nightstand...

In participation with "What's on your Nightstand," the following are the books that I'm destined to read within the next couple of months:

Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen.  I may be the last person to pick up with #1 New York Times Bestseller.  This was another book that my daughter picked out for me to read from the bargain table at Costco.  From Amazon.com, I understand that the story is about:

"Water for Elephants is the story of Jacob's life with this circus. Sara Gruen spares no detail in chronicling the squalid, filthy, brutish circumstances in which he finds himself. The animals are mangy, underfed or fed rotten food, and abused. Jacob, once it becomes known that he has veterinary skills, is put in charge of the "menagerie" and all its ills. Uncle Al, the circus impresario, is a self-serving, venal creep who slaps people around because he can. August, the animal trainer, is a certified paranoid schizophrenic whose occasional flights into madness and brutality often have Jacob as their object. Jacob is the only person in the book who has a handle on a moral compass and as his reward he spends most of the novel beaten, broken, concussed, bleeding, swollen and hungover. He is the self-appointed Protector of the Downtrodden, and... he falls in love with Marlena, crazy August's wife. Not his best idea."

I can hardly wait.  I have an elephant collection in my room and this book sounds right up my alley!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 The End of Iraq by Peter W. Galbraith

This book is Galbraith's opinioion of "How America's Incompetence Created a War Without End."  I'm actually 30 pages into this book.  I needed to stop and ask my friend, Josephine, the difference between the Sunnis, Shiites, and Kurds.  Galbraith starts this book off with assuming that everybody knows this history, which I am obviously inept at.  But, after talking to Josephine, I think I have a slightly better understanding of the history of the tribes so, hopefully, I will get through this book with a better understanding and appreciation for it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

OK, folks.... my other daughter insisted I buy this harback from Costco at $13.99.  Since I just finished Mostert's Season of the Witch, I guess she thought that this would be up my alley.  Since I purchased two books that her twin suggested, I had to honor my daughter by saying, "Yes, this book does look like something I'd like to read.  Thank you, D!"  So, it's on the nightstand.

From what the inside cover says about this book:

 "A beautiful and compelling, but clearly unhinged, sculpturess of gargoyles by the name of Marianne Engle appears at the foot of his bed and insists that they were once lovers in medieval Germany.  In her telling, he was a badly injured mercenary and she was a nun and scribe in the famed monastery of Engelthal who nursed him back to health.  As she spins their tale in Scheherazade fashion and relates equaly mesmerizing sotories of deathless love in Japan, Iceland, Italy and England, he finds himself drawn back to life - and, finally, in love.  He is released into Marianne's care and takes up residence in her huge stone house.  But all is not well...."

Alrighty then... iit's a promise to D, and I may enjoy it!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 StartUp Your Own Blogging Business

by Entrepreneur Press and J.S. McDougall

This is a "how to" book on:

• Attracting visitors and holding their interest
• Enticing advertisers to promote their products on your blog
• Earning an affiliate fee when your visitors shop at some of the most popular websites
• Promote your blog and get listed on the top blog search engines

One Man Great Enough - Abraham Lincoln's Road to Civil War by John C. Waugh

My brother better read this blog or else!  I bought this book for both he and I at Christmas of 2007.  We were to read it together and discuss it as a means of discussing politics, common interests, etc.  I got half-way through it and stopped for books that his wife recommended to me that soon became my favorites including: The Glass Castle, Jesus Land, and The Time Traveler's Wife.  The, she and I read Beautiful Boy together (well, she had a baby and isn't done yet).  I lent her Marley and Me (she loved it) and sTori Telling (another book she liked).  So, Old Abe has just been waiting, patiently, for me to come back to him.

What I've read about so far is that he led a life of poverty as a child, was abnormally tall, and married a woman he didn't love.  He was a great man, I know this from school, and I need to finish this book or my brother will continue to hound me about my book blog.

FOLKS, THAT'S MY FIVE ON THE NIGHTSTAND.  I HAVE ORDERED 10 BOOKS FOR SEPTEMBER... LORD, HAVE MERCY!

PLEASE BUY YOUR BOOKS AT: AMAZON.COM

For those of you wondering how this fits in with gaming........i'd say it fits in with the gaming lifestyle, as all the gamers i know watch anime :)

--------------------------------------

John Lennon: Essence and Reality

Part One
Lennon once told someone that he had been in Japan, sitting alone in the bath one evening, when he realized that he had forgotten something for a long long time. And suddenly it came to him – he knew what he had forgotten – it was himself. He had been busy with externals and had been oblivious to himself. The significance of this will be apparent to readers of this blog: but what an extraordinary insight to find, how precise and penetrating. Even typing this now helps me to remember.

This anecdote may have been in some notes by Eliot Mintz, about the very last years of Lennon’s life, but I have no access to my library now. If anyone has the exact quote, I would appreciate it if they could forward it to me. This insight is of a piece with his line in “Beautiful Boy”, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” And yet, no other commentator has, to my knowledge, remarked on it, and I read a good deal of material on Lennon.

Lennon also said, and I’m pretty sure that this is in the posthumously published Sky-Writing by Word of Mouth, that most great forms of art, as well as the abuse of drugs and alcohol, were an attempt to escape the strait-jacket of the self, meaning, I believe, the ordinary self. If anyone had learned this in the school of his own blood, surely it was Lennon. No artist in 20th century popular culture that I know of had his depth. Further, to my taste, he is by a wide margin the greatest songwriter I have heard. His songs, especially the later ones, usually blend tune and words in a seamless whole. Most of his work is strikingly original in the sense of individual: it is not contrived but always inimitable and unique. He wrote what is perhaps my all-time favourite melody, “Jealous Guy”. In the last five years of his life he turned out a series of songs of unmatched hymnic power: “Grow Old with Me”, “Tennessee” (revised as “Memory”), “Free as a Bird” and “Real Love”.

My own sense is that after a rough and turbulent life, full of pain and idiocy – but perhaps idiocy as a blind reaction to pain – Lennon had finally found a position of emotional and intellectual equilibrium and was now turning out the greatest achievements of his corpus: e.g. “Watching the Wheels”, “Woman”, “Beautiful Boy” and “Living on Borrowed Time”.

And yet, let us not gloss over the idiocies. Together with his depth and genius, Lennon had often been hard, acerbic and even cruel. He was capable of acts of bastardry (such as his sabotage of McCartney’s “Let it Be” and “Long and Winding Road”). He was hypocritical: he preached love of humanity but didn’t practice it with his own first family. A vicious remark he made to his son Julian about his laugh caused Julian to become afraid of laughing. His treatment of Cynthia was, apparently, malicious and even mean in a small-minded way, pressuring her to accept an absurdly low settlement. Lennon was frequently egotistical to a degree which was almost pathological. He was intensely and selfishly competitive. I could go on.

I have to declare, too, that I incline to Gurdjieff’s view that the quality of a person’s work is a function of their being. If their being is low, so is their work. So how to reconcile the contradictions of John Lennon?

Briefly, we are not just one person. The small person in Lennon was not, I think, capable of great music. Tuneful, even striking music, yes. “How Do You Sleep?” is evidence of that. Lennon was an extraordinary talent, but he was, like all of us, a jigsaw puzzle held together by a box. As with a jigsaw, our unity is only the theoretical unity of a camera angle until the pieces have been assembled as intended by the puzzle-master. All of the great Lennon songs I have mentioned above are full of positive emotion. We are all made up of elevations and depressions, like the mountains and valleys impressed on a relief map. And as no one can remain in a state of stasis forever, we are bound to either develop under the inspiration of our better selves, or degenerate under the opposite influences. Lennon, I believe, was unmistakeably – over all – developing.

I shall have more to say about Lennon on future blogs, but let me now just take one song: the ravishingly beautiful “Oh, My Love”. The song is attributed to Lennon and Yoko Ono. It was released in 1971 on the Imagine album.

Oh, my love, for the first time in my life, my eyes are wide open.
Oh, my love(r), for the first time in my life, my eyes can see.
I see the wind, oh, I see the trees.
Everything is clear in my heart.
I see the clouds, oh, I see the sky.
Everything is clear in our world.
Oh, my love, for the first time in my life, my mind is wide open.
Oh, my love, for the first time in my life, my mind can feel.
I feel sorrow, I feel dreams.
Everything is clear in my heart.
I feel life, I feel love.
Everything is clear in our world.

“Oh, My Love” has also been released on the John Lennon Anthology set. That version is, if anything even more stately than the one on the Imagine album, and, as I hear it, there is more tenderness in Lennon’s voice. Lennon did not like the sound of his voice, and often tampered with it (witness McCartney’s parody on “Let Me Roll It” from Band on the Run). In my view, the engineering effects were often counter-productive. Incidentally, I would say much the same about the version of “Imagine” on John Lennon Anthology, and an unreleased rendition of the stunning “Out the Blue”. My guess is that, more than anything else, something in Lennon was afraid of displaying his sensitivity. Perhaps sensitivity was felt to equate with vulnerability. The young Lennon’s efforts to portray himself as a “Ted” are well-documented. This is something Yoko helped him deal with, as he often mentioned, not least in “Aisumasen” from Mind Games.

But for just under three minutes, these doubts and hesitancies are dispelled by the clear shaft of morning light which is “Oh, My Love”. It opens with a willowy melodic line, gently picked out on acoustic guitar, like a soft breeze visiting a Japanese garden. It almost alights in your head. Then there joins an unassuming piano, which follows the vocal, when that enters, like a brook running by a country road – just as we have here in the mountains of North Lebanon. So calm, so ordered, so sober are both singing and playing, that it approximates to silence. But what it really is, of course, is an art so pure and effective that, to an attentive listener, there is no space for, and nothing to attract, the ordinary noises which fill our heads. All of its associations are clean. When the lyrics have been once sung through, the guitar and piano wordlessly sustain the enchantment until the guitar folds down the piece with a graceful three note flourish.

To me, there is something redolent of the Zen culture which Okakura, Hoover and others write about. I can well believe that Yoko Ono contributed to it, even if only “air”or “atmosphere”.

Both in simplicity of lyrics, melodic grace, and content, “Oh, My Love” reminds me of “Because” from Abbey Road, and, to an extent, “Julia” from The Beatles (“The White Album”). All three are “Yoko Ono” songs: “Julia” reflects on his relationships with Yoko and his mother, while “Because” was inspired by Yoko’s playing the first movement of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Lennon started by playing the right hand back backwards, but then amended it, creating a new and striking piece:

Because the world is round it turns me on.
Because the world is round. Ah …ah!
Because the wind is high, it blows my mind.
Because the wind is high.
Ah … love is old, love is new. Love is all, love is you.
Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry.
Because the sky is blue. Ah … ah!

Perhaps I shall return to “Julia” in a future blog. But in these two instances, the combination of the utmost simplicity and the direct receipt of impressions is almost mystical. In each piece, the arrangement is minimal, and wordless exclamations are used to great effect. To open this song not with a word but with “Oh”, was inspired. What lifts both “Oh, My Love” and “Because” to another level is that Lennon interprets his thoughts only by reference to love. Other writers have covered similar territory: I might mention Thomas Traherne and Herbert Vaughan, who explicitly speak of love, but also of God. Traherne, in particular, stresses that he had such insights when he was a child. Lennon, too, makes some interesting comments about childhood, particularly in the classic “Strawberry Fields Forever”. Once more, the previously unreleased versions available on the Beatles Anthology vol.2 make evident what is really behind this song.

Why does the wind blow his mind? Because, he says, it is high. But why “because”? It is a poetic way of expressing an impression of the ineffable reality of existence: the very fact that there is a world at all, that the sky actually is, the wind really is. The same wonder comes through in “Oh, my love”. There is no more intricate reason, no more complex explanation. These things are, but only now does he see them lucidly (literally, ‘with light’). And of course, that invites us to try and see reality by our own best light.

Part Two
Perhaps the main point of Gurdjieff’s teaching is that any advance towards a direct apprehension of reality, that is, towards the vision of God, begins with the direct apprehension of the simplest and closest aspect of reality: the fact of our existence in flesh, with emotion, intellect and soul. Then, from there, if all our conditioning, all our static interference can be cleared for long enough, the perception of these subjective realities will enable us to perceive objective reality: God in His Creation.

And Lennon had started upon this road for himself. In “Oh, My Love”, we hear the wonder of the world being reborn in him. It was a hard road and a curving one. At points he seemed to have lost everything he had gained. But he persevered, and that, to me, is his greatness. Despite everything he had been through, all the mistakes, all the controversy, all the thick-headed stupidity, he was emerging into reality, and his feeling, his art and his mind were becoming deeper and clearer.

This is the mystery of Jesus’ injunction to become like little children. As Orage said, it means to start growing up in essence, because in essence we are not even children, we are babies. To become a child is not to retreat, it is to finally start maturing in the one place where it counts: Real I. And behind Real I, as Gurdjieff said, lies God.

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Joseph Azize has published in ancient history, law and Gurdjieff studies. His first book "The Phoenician Solar Theology" treated ancient Phoenician religion as possessing a spiritual depth comparative with Neoplatonism, to which it contributed through Iamblichos. The third book, "George Mountford Adie" represents his attempt to present his teacher (a direct pupil of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky) to an international audience.

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The book is Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. I'd heard David and his son Nic interviewed on NPR a couple months back. The interview mezmerized me and drew me to David's book. There are actually two books. David's, on his experiences in dealing with his son's addiction to methamphetamine, alcohol and other drugs, and Nic's ("Tweak") on his personal hell as an addict.

Fortunately I have no real experience with drugs or drug abuse, so the topic was not as a personal connection. What was the connection, what resonated in the interview, and what drew me to Sheff's book, was his observations about parenting. Or more specifically, the challenges of parenting a talented child with a ton of potential, and the need to alter the expectations for their outcomes. In his case, Nic was (is) a gifted child in many ways who fell hard into drug use, and it led him to near death, the loss of at least five years of living (defined in the traditional sense), and definitely altered the natural and expected course of his time as a young adult. David's accounts in the interviews and to some extent in his book (though his book is far richer) is on the change in expectation for Nic with Nic's drug use. His expectations for a happy, healthy, productive and socially contributing Nic were necessarily reduced to a Nic as being both healthy and alive. Nic's choices, his disease and his personal trajectory greatly altered what his father believed he would do with his life. Yet he remains hopeful. And he learned to detach. And learned one of the hardest lessons of parenting - to let go and let your child live their life, consequences and all, with measured and expressed support.

I learned a great deal about the personal, family hell of dealing with a drug addict, and it is something I wouldn't want anyone to endure. It is intense, costly, ruptures and alters family relationships and is uncertain in its outcomes for the pain and payments it takes.

What I connected to most personally, was David's attempts to help his son; the anguish in the search for accurate information and guidance, often from professionals, only to find no easy or consistent answers. Alice has struggles with school and learning, and for ever it seems, I've sought the assistance and connection with teachers to know how best to support her learning. Right.

I have also opened my mind up to the possibilities for Alice's future, and the pace at which she will develop. She may do well in high school, go on to college, then on to a successful career. Or not. Her path may not be that even or predictable. Like David Sheff, though certainly not under the same conditions, I am learning to listen and be there for my child, support and expect great things, but stay open to her own path.

-Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)

We Will be Reading:                          

David Sheff’s memoir Beautiful Boy:  A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction is an honest first-person account of Sheff’s response to his son Nic, who has become addicted to methamphetamines.  The book chronicles the hopes and disappointments that Sheff experiences over a number of years as he discovers that Nic is using drugs, the extent to which he is using them, and the power with which they have taken over his life. 

Sheff’s skill as a researcher and journalist is apparent as he artfully weaves technical research, interviews and expert opinions within the story he tells.  The information about the biological basis for compulsive behavior and addiction is written in such a way that a layperson can understand it.  The genetic tendency toward addiction is not offered as an excuse, rather it is one component of Nic’s journey.

David Sheff tells *his* story, respecting the line between his life and the addict’s; Beautiful Boy is a compelling read. 

(Reading Beautiful Boy made me curious about Nic's own perspective on his addiction.  Have you read his memoir, Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines?  Should I add it to my wishlist?  Please leave me a comment with your input

It's funny that it's taken me so long to start a reading journal on this book. I recommend to my students that they respond to books in small chunks so that they can respond meaningfully to he author's craft; all those literary things author's do to say and suggest. I think that this book may not have been the best to start with, as it hits so close to home. I'm struggling to find a foothold that allows me to respond truthfully while...I don't know...limiting details.

It's a great book. It's rare that a memoir drags me from page to page and keeps me up well into the night. That's the case with Sheff's book. I need to know what happens next. Every chapter it seems like his son has hit rock bottom and that he might be ready for recovery. Unfortunately, at the end of chapter, it seems he will fall further. It's really sad.

As a parent, this book is unsettling. With all the reports of drug problems in the suburbs, drug trafficking in the city, and general binge drinking and alcoholism that typifies much of the lower to lower middle class, I wonder how I am to keep my own son from succumbing to the pressure. How can I raise him with the ability to resist seemingly endless pressure? If Nic Sheff had all those opportunities; cultural, academic, natural, and still use drugs, how can anyone resist. This kid had a great high school, full of great teachers, plays, socially active peers, opportunities, summer camps, yet he still used. He grew up surrounded by idyllic setting around San Francisco and went hiking and surfing and countless other "anti-drugs" (at the risk of sounding tres la chez), yet he still used. It's unsettling.

I know that that author somewhat blames himself because of the divorce with Nic's mom, provides ample evidence that addiction is a disease, thinks that his parenting style should have been tougher, or thinks that Nic's grandfather's alcoholism or his own drug use played into the equation, but it is still unsettling.

_______________________________________________

“Unsettled Air Mass.” HAM guy's photostream. 08/14/2007. 5/29/08 http://www.flickr.com/photos/yodudedan/1121704615/.

My day today was routed a little differently than expected. Today was Mother's Day, and I went to Bessemer City because well, that is my home church now. As expected, my mom asked me if I wanted to go with her to Maiden the night before, and I just looked at her. I chose my timing and wording very carefully. I told her no, and I was expecting the hurt look deep rooted in those carolina blue eyes of hers to surface. But, it didn't. She nodded her head slowly, and I told her that I felt like Maiden Wesleyan was where she needed to be, but not me. And that beautiful smile surfaced on her face, and I knew we had finally come to an understanding about this whole church thing.

Well, I thought I was just going to hang out with Jon and Tommy for the afternoon, but my mom texted me and said the family was going to Ruby Tuesday's in Hickory, that they were leaving and just to meet them there. Apparently, I had a misunderstanding with her about lunch, so I left Bessemer to head to Hickory. And I got to drive through what I felt like was a monsoon! Everyone had their emergency flashers on and at first I was kind of scared. Scared and just waiting for the worst to happen. Well, that's where God stepped in. I just felt this wave of ease come over me and I drove in that weather as if I drove through it everyday. I was even able to admire the beauty of it, which was awesome.

So, I got to Ruby Tuesday's and automatically felt like the odd man out. My family just looked at me like I had betrayed them all. It was really weird, and I was just trying to shake it off, but they were waiting at the bar for a table, and my mom makes the comment, you can sit at the end. Okay? Turns out they were all upset with me because they wanted to carpool in my van so that we only had to use one vehicle. It got better when we got a booth, but for those 20 minutes at the bar I sat in silence desperately wanting to leave. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I know they love me, but things have continually gone downhill since I left for college and the church split. AND I feel like it's ALL my fault.

I know I am where I am supposed to be, but I am tired of being hounded for not supporting the family by father figures and nagged for never having money. I'm a college student. I'm broke. Get over it, please and just LOVE me for who I am, please.

And I'll run to you. My refuge, my solid rock.
Even when the fog is thick and choking me.
Even when my enemies get the best of me.
I'll run to you...

---------------------------------

Close your eyes, Have no fear,
The monsters gone, he's on the run
and your daddy's here.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way, it's getting better and better,

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean, ship sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll just have to be patient
Cause it's a long way to go, a hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go, but in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you while you're busy making other plans,

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way, it's getting better and better,
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy,
Darling, darling, darling, darling Sean.
Goodnight Sean, see you in the morning.

--John Lennon

Ficção

1. HOLD TIGHT
Harlan Coben
Brasil | World

2. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
Mary Higgins Clark
Brasil | World

3. THE MIRACLE AT SPEEDY MOTORS
Alexander McCall Smith
Brasil | World

4. UNACCUSTOMED EARTH
Jhumpa Lahiri
Brasil | World

5. CERTAIN GIRLS
Jennifer Weiner
Brasil | World

Não-Ficção

1. BEAUTIFUL BOY
David Sheff
Brasil | World

2. HOME
Julie Andrews
Brasil | World

3. MISTAKEN IDENTITY
Don & Susie Van Ryn & Whitney Cerak
Brasil | World

4. LADIES OF LIBERTY
Cokie Roberts
Brasil | World

5. ESCAPE
Carolyn Jessop & Laura Palmer
Brasil | World

Auto-Ajuda

1. THE LAST LECTURE
Randy Pausch & Jeffrey Zaslow
Brasil | World

2. JUST WHO WILL YOU BE?
Maria Shriver
Brasil | World

3. THE SECRET (O Segredo)
Rhonda Byrne
Brasil | World

4. GEORGIA COOKING IN AN OKLAHOMA KITCHEN
Trisha Yearwood
Brasil | World

5. THE 4-HOUR WORKWEEK
Timothy Ferriss
Brasil | World

I am convinced Bucharest is a miracle ... a miracle of humanity. A mixture of cultures and trends, of fashions and life styles.  A mixture of old and new, a dying world, born under our eyes ...

I have experienced numerous types of worlds during my staying in this strange world: I have experienced art, and I have experienced technology; I have experienced ethics and ruthless world of business and social interaction; I have experienced hard rock and high life; I have experienced nights in Fire and nights in Gaia ...and then there still was something more, something I couldn't name, but there was already a name for it; somethig I thought I would not know ... but I have lived .... and the feeling can't be equaled!

I have been invited Saturday night in Arenele Romane, for a drum&bass performance ... I had no ideea what will happen in there ... and I'm still not very convinced about what had happened in there .. I'm never too fascinated by music ... it was nice, it was more then nice ... it was hard, it was wild and it was a feeling ... the screen projections ... I was amazed by them ... I could find myself lost in the world of visuals, trying to imagine what was the story of those images ... there was drama, and fun; there was courage and anger ... there  was lot of anger and rebellion, there was dissatisfactions and the courage  to get out of the crowd ... and I loved the feeling - still I can feel it was not my world, not the world in which I will feet - I will feet no world (but that's a totally different story) ... and then to continue!

I am way passed the age when foolishly I will fall in love with the first guy coming into my face ... but this time I couldn't help! He simply shined among the others ... I could realize I was staring at him, thanks god he didn't noticed ... he was the definition itself of a beautiful guy! I have never saw a boy looking more beautiful then him, and I believe I will never see anyone like him . He was a like sculpted in marble ... with strong eye arcade, long bony face, skinny, but well built. Very pronounced cheeks, and   geometrical chin ... the face bones were strong, and hard ... his skin was soft like velvet, like the shining marble ... like a thought ... I have many tentatives to place him on my canvas ... unsuccessful trial .... nothing went out of this ... I regret not taking any picture of him ... since then, the only thing I'm thinking about is him, and how much I would have loved to have his picture! I will further accept the invitation of my friend for this kind of events .... and next time I'll see him ... I'll have him on my canvas! he will be my work of art .... he will be my mystery with long rasta hair!

I don't think I have to say that I cried because when I was reading how this man felt about it, it reminded me of so many things I have thought and felt about my own brother's addiction.

I feel like there is no end, only short breaks in between the weeks of use. I have learned to recognize when he's high, how long he has been on that high, and when he's coming down. I know that when his skin isn't gray and sunken in around his cheeks, he hasn't done any drugs for at least a week. When he gains weight and sleeps on a normal schedule, he is doing okay. When he's not mean, he is straight. And when he is being the funny, loving brother I know he can be, everyone enjoys being aroung him. He is a great person--when he hasn't slipped back into the drugs.

I don't understand it, and I suppose that's why it's so frustrating for me, as well as my brothers and sister. He can go months without it. For a while, he was hanging out with me and my group of friends every weekend. We would go out, dance, laugh. Some of my girl friends even liked him, which I'll admit was a little awkward at first. I know he's a likeable guy, but he's my brother. Weird.

(Here we are on a good night with my friends.)

He always goes back though. It's not even a question of if he'll use again, it's only when and for how long. I think that we have given up the hope that he'll ever get off of them, well except for my mom. I think she feels like she isn't doing enough to help him, but I don't think there is anything more anyone could do. It's up to him. He knows he could do it if he really wanted to. Rehab didn't work, however many times he has been there, because I believe he didn't want it to. He's not done yet.

I know he uses it as an escape, or at least he did at first. He doesn't realize that hunting accident and Misty dying aren't what ruined his life. The way he dealt with that entire situation and the drugs he used to rid himself of those guilty feelings are what has ruined his life. I really think that before he can get off the drugs, he needs to confront the situation. This is starting to sound like an episode of Intervention, but really, he needs to deal with it. It's never going to go away or change, and drugs won't change that. I even have trouble remembering what he was like before the accident. It's been that long.

Is it bad to wish that he would just do something to be sent back to prison? I think he is safer there than he is in the real world. I don't even feel guilty for saying that because quite frankly, it's the truth.

I'm anxious to read the rest of the book to compare Sheff's view to my own. And I want to try to understand my own parents' feelings. I think they feel helpless in the situation, but somehow we all just go on and most of the time ignorantly avoid the fact that the situation is even as drastic as it is. It's scary that it could, and probably will, kill my brother. I am usually called the bitch about it. But it really scares me. Being a bitch is how I deal with it, I guess. This is something I can't control and can't fix.

Either way, he's my brother, and I love him regardless.

]]> http://tigredefogo.wordpress.com/?p=987 Sun, 30 Mar 2008 14:41:59 +0000 tigredefogo http://tigredefogo.wordpress.com/2008/03/30/lista-dos-livros-mais-vendidos-the-new-york-times-best-seller-books-mar-30-2008/ The New York Times
Best Seller Books

Ficção

1. CHANGE OF HEART
Jodi Picoult
Brasil | World

2. THE APPEAL
John Grisham
Brasil | World

3. REMEMBER ME?
Sophie Kinsella
Brasil | World

4. DEAD HEAT
Joel C. Rosenberg
Brasil | World

5. 7TH HEAVEN
James Patterson & Maxine Paetro
Brasil | World

Não-Ficção

1. BEAUTIFUL BOY
David Sheff
Brasil | World

2. LOSING IT
Valerie Bertinelli
Brasil | World

3. STORI TELLING
Tori Spelling & Hilary Liftin
Brasil | World

4. IN DEFENSE OF FOOD
Michael Pollan
Brasil | World

5. PREDICTABLY IRRATIONAL
Dan Ariely
Brasil | World

Auto-Ajuda

1. THE SECRET (O Segredo)
Rhonda Byrne
Brasil | World

2. STOP WHINING, START LIVING
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Brasil | World

3. HOW COME THAT IDIOT’S RICH AND I’M NOT
Robert Shemin
Brasil | World

4. BECOME A BETTER YOU
Joel Osteen
Brasil | World

5. THE THIRD JESUS
Deepak Chopra
Brasil | World

If you go to Starbuck's entertainment website you can learn more and view a video by the author David Sheff.   http://www.hearmusic.com/#PRODUCT352

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)
Song lyrics by John Lennon

Close your eyes,
Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run and your daddy's here,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,
Darling,
Darling,
Darling Sean.