More often than not lately, my mind drags me on journeys down deeply rutted tracks, up the sides of treacherous mountains, sends me dangling over the lips of sheer cliffs and then tumbling into dark ravines. And that's just while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew.
I sometimes don't know which way to turn.
I would say our family is in the worst possible position we've been in ever. It's all relative. The husband half would cast things in a different light: He'd say there are many in worse shape than us. But this isn't his forum. Seeing someone passed out in the gutter doesn't make me feel better about my station.

Most of it is sheer bad luck/timing. A lot of it is the economic toilet our city and state has been in for what seems like years.

These are the times when you see what you and the rest of your clan are made of -- are you tough as steel, able to deflect the hard knocks? Or are you composed of thin paper, easily shredded and scattered?

I'd like to be this right now:

But I'm feeling more like one of these:

I'm not a rock, but I'm tougher than paper, by God. I'm feeling easily perforated these days, a little shredded around the edges and prone to melting under intense heat.

So, it's a good thing I found these folks, hanging out with their cool shoes and freshly manicured toenails over at:

Reading their various and sundry posts has me feeling more like this:

Check it out for yourself.

Meanwhile, if you're on the interstate and you see one of those discarded plastic bag thingies from the local pharmacy or Target impaled on a tree branch or bouncing along the shoulder like an urban tumbleweed, well, kindly think of me, won't you?

I am not one to use inappropriate language or anything of that sort, but this post will have the occasional shit thrown into the mix.

Let me also say that my experiences today should not reflect poorly on any of the companies I mention. They just happened to be the location that these events occurred in/with/around, which have caused such uneasiness in my life.

A how-to-guide; putting Eric in a bad mood.

1. Start a conference travel day by feeling ill.
2. Get on a Westjet flight, with the plane feeling far too hot.
3. Insert family of incompetent parents with 3 screaming children, between the ages 2-4.
4. Rotate those children into the seat next to Eric based on when they start crying.

Step 4 Note: This is done to ensure that the other 2 children that are now sleeping on the other side of the plane from crying so hard are not woken by the current child who is screaming for tele-tubbies or whatever shit they are not getting to watch on the in flight television.

Rinse.
Repeat.
For 3 hours and 30 minutes.

5. Land the plane with a startling jolt and cracking noise.
6. Ensure that the cab driver has no idea where Eric is staying for his conference during his first trip to Toronto.
7. Hunger pains ensue in Eric's stomach since it is almost 5pm and they ran out of food on the airplane (other than shitty cookies, which you can only have 2 packets of by the way.)

8. Eric must venture aimlessly until he finds a pub.
9. The pub must also, coincidentally, be a local spot for the entire gay village of Toronto.
10. A very inappropriate man must hit on Eric, while he is eating his chicken fingers and trying to enjoy his beer.

Gay note: I have nothing but acceptance and respect for the gay community in our country. I think Toronto is truly amazing in how they have developed a whole district where gay people are celebrated for who they are. I just didn't need the most inappropriate things I have heard in a long time to interrupt my one good meal of the day.

Truly, the anatomic possibilities of what this man suggested to me were simply outrageous.

After completing these steps in sequential order, Eric will be in a very bad mood.

Cheers,

Eric
VP Internal

"Big News"

It's the 2nd season of Someday's Dreamers!

by Llora-chan

It's the 2nd season of Someday's Dreamers! I've read the manga and I love it. Now... I saw the 1st episode of the 1st season and I hated it. Why? I think it was because I watched it as a dub. I could not find any subs. Now, I wouldn't mind watching it as a dub... but I don't know, I couldn't watch Someday's Dreamers as a dub.

Nowadays, I find it hard to find an anime with good English voice actors. Ones that can actually show some emotion or whatever... It felt really odd watching Someday's Dreamers with those English voices. Some people might be saying, "Well, of course they can't be compared to the Japanese VAs because the Japanese are the original voice," or whatever, blah, blah, blah...

As you can most probably tell, I'm in a bad mood. Why?:

• My little sister ( age 8 ) slammed door on my knee and my head which caused me to fall back onto my desk, hit it, then fall on to the floor. Yeah, pain... A LOT! I couldn't even stand!! My little sister has a habit of slamming doors when she's really mad. She's going bring the house down one day with her constant slamming.
• I just got over stress of doing my Biology assignment. Gyaa~
• Watching this episode got me going crazy with the backrounds and it kept reminding me of the 1st season.

You know, I started blogging because I've read that journaling or writing things out helps relieve stress. I think it's true. ...I feel a bit better now.

So, anyways~ Let's go back to the episode...  It was a pretty nice episode...

It kinda takes getting used to with the backgrounds and such. The backgrounds I think got more attention than the characters. At many times, the characters wouldn't look good. I could Sora-san's face getting really chubby and back to normal many times.

Because it's a slice-of-life show, it has a tendency to be slow. This show might get really good. I'm just not happy with the 1st episode.

Aria came to mind while writing that last paragraph. Aria was a beautiful show... but it WOULD get boring SOMETIMES. I'm still stuck on watching the 2nd season but I did watch the 1st and the 3rd.

I may decide to not blog this show, but I will probably continue watching it anyway. I'll give this a few more episodes.

I type this as I procrastinate packing to get out of town this weekend, while I wish we were already gone, while I wish my stepson was already gone, while I just wish. Sometimes wishing feels pointless but I have wishes anyway because there's always the hope that things will pan out.

I had an odd conversation via text today with a friend - he's given up hope on his current relationship, and to be honest, I am in the position of trying to be supportive but almost standoffish because he's the type of guy prone to reminiscing about the good old days (which weren't always good, as Billy Joel said), and prone to getting his head in the clouds about shit that he can't have. It's a tough position to be in, supporting someone at arm's length, but I do it because I need to keep distance and I do it because I don't know how to turn away from people who need me. Which sucks. Sometimes I want nothing more than to turn away and can't. Sometimes it's not so bad feeling needed, but then I quickly get overwhelmed with it. I don't do "needy" well.

In the midst of all that hoo-ha, my husband was acting like a prick, I had a funeral to go to, my daughter had to go to the doctor for a mosquito bite that had swollen to the size of her ankle bone, and my stepson and my oldest kid both had friends over which meant that there were too many fucking kids in my house. It was a mad house, but I could tolerate the little things. The funeral was almost a respite from the chaos in the house - I deftly avoided my white trash mother- and father-in-law, I didn't vomit from the fumes of Aqua Net oozing off the woman sitting next to me, and I didn't tell the man in front of me that deoderant is a fantastic invention and that if he tried some he wouldn't smell like ass.

The hardest part of all that was my husband's mood which has taken me all day to sort out. He went out with friends last night (for the plus column, getting to be social with friends with no complaints from me), he got to sleep in this morning (another plus), I did the run to the doctor's office (plus), the youngest went down for her  nap easily without giving him drama (BIG plus). Yet, he was just radiating this pissed-offness (not a word, but you'll get over it) and I was walking in wide circles to avoid him. What the hell? We hadn't fought, there wasn't anything bubbling beneath the surface, and he'd been fine up until now.

Oh. That's it. And it hit me like a ton of bricks when I was talking to my mom. My stepson came over last Friday for the week, but he'd been at a friend's house for the past several nights - it was my stepson coming home that tipped my husband's mood into the negative zone - and it's not the first time that's happened. I noticed it Sunday afternoon too. His son had gone to watch a  movie with his friend - my husband was pissy before then and after then, but not during. Hm.

My husband gets very upset that I don't totally love his son's presence - and it's not that I'm the wicked witch or evil stepmother. It's just that my stepson is a special needs kid with lots of issues, and requires an eagle eye trained on him at all times - and honestly, it's wearing. Despite anything he might say, it's wearing on my husband too. He'll never admit it - I'm sure he feels guilty about it, but it's like this house has two distinct auras - when he's here and when he's not. It was like a gray cloud hovering over head all day. It's hard to take. It's hard to know what to do.

I hope that this weekend recharges us. My stepson goes home to his mother bright and early, my girls will go get spoiled by my mom for a few days - and my husband and I will be sans kids for two nights and THREE FULL days. Holy shit, right? The mood is pretty heavy in my house right now - so if this lifts it at all, it would be so worth it.

I scowled and frowned a lot, although I really didn't mean to. When I realised that I was scowling and frowning at my instructor and all the people in my group I tried for a smile. It felt a bit like I was baring my teeth, so I stopped.

Towards the end of the class we were surprised by having to jump up in front of all the others to demonstrate our three step sparring. Or something. We weren't quite sure what we were attempting to demonstrate so it was a bit of a massive disaster.

I would start forward, and forget to yell in the right spots. Then I'd realise that no one else was moving. So I'd stop. Then the dude at the front would say keep going. One of the other guys in my group started again. And so I would start again, only more nervous, and forgetting to yell at all, or finish.

Meanwhile the rest of the group were still standing still. In the end I just sort of trailed off. It clearly wasn't the right time to be asking for clarification, so I didn't.

Also a disaster: While on the mats I managed to pop my second toe out of its joint. It's something that happens fairly often with me (usually when I'm swimming) as a result of been stood on by one too many horses back in the day when there were horses. It doesn't hurt, but it's intensely uncomfortable.

I can usually pop it back in by flexing my foot in the right direction, and so I gave that a try. While up in front of the class. Demonstrating something that clearly I was getting wrong.

So imagine me running back and forwards on the mats, clearly confused as fuck, stopping to jiggle about flexing my foot every two steps.

Disaster.

I couldn't have looked any more like a dork if I had tried to.

Later on while we watched the other belts do their thing in front of the class we figured out that we were supposed to be simulating a grading. Whoops.

Then I had to take a picture for the clubs website. I didn't see the picture but I get a feeling that I don't look amazing in it. I was scowling right up until the camera was pointed at me.

Later on that evening - despite the odds - I managed to look more like a dork. I popped my toe out of alignment while in the shower, and then nearly brained myself on the side of the tub trying to get it back in place.

The lesson?
There is no lesson really, but if I had to pick one I'd go with 'eat something before working out'

Or if I was channeling my Nana Pointon: 'don't scowl like that in case the wind changes. You'll be stuck like that forever, and then how would you feel.'

I spent the majority of my day in a state of panic, shrouded in terror. Whilst installing the Symphony Orchestra Jam Pack for GarageBand, my computer froze up.

And it didn't come back.

The hard drive died.

So, it's replaced, and under warranty. But I lost about 10K+ of edits, revisions, and new material I'd been working on the last two weeks (since the last backup).

I just opened up Scrivener to validate this. Yes, all of my work I've done in the last fourteen days is gone. Vanished. Evaporated into the aether from whence it came.

As much as I want to say: "Maybe it's for the best!" I can't help but feel as if I just swallowed a rock.

Always, always, always, back up your work. Every single night. Every hour, if you can. Don't wander with your laptop--and if you do, use a damn thumb drive.

Bawaannya mo maraaah mulu. Semua orang kayaknya bikin salah, deh.

Termasuk semua anjingku. Semuanya kelihatan nyebelin.

Capek, deeh...

Bagusnya tidur aja, kali yee, biar mimpi indah dan gak terganggu sama perasaan buruk yang datang.

Atau jangan-jangan.. karena belum makan jadi bawaannya gitu?

Hmmgghh..

sad to say

you go around sticking your boobs nose in the air

like no one cares

get a life

GET LOST!!

as you're making me sick!

..."

song lyrics from Joyner - Bitch! (edited teeny weeny bit to suit the situation)

Joyner's Song

------------------------------------------------

Oh you selfish-inconsiderate-proud-"know it all"-no logic-"i am never wrong"-bitch!!!

No one makes my best friend so upset and whoever makes her pissed off makes me extra MAD!!!

(I will refrain from cursing and swearing even though i really wish something bad will happen to her, but i will learn to forgive and forget)

------------------------------------------------

ok i just had to get that out!!! =( super SPOILER!!!

I shan't let this spoil my life here!! This is gonna be the best journey of my life EVER! Not gonna waste time on stupid people.

ok update some other time.! nights!

My problem is that my moods are affected way to much by other people.  When D is pissy it automatically makes me start to get crabby.  I wish that I could change this about me.  Ive been this way my whole life so Im guessing that things arent going to change anytime soon.  What really bites me is that when the people that effect my mood start to feel better… and I don’t then its an issue.  Frustration and arguments follow and it makes everything worse.

I guess Im not making much sense here… but like I said, Im lost today.  Here in body but not really in mind. 

Oh, and for those of you that called/emailed me, I will respond one day.  I apologize for my horrible response time as a friend.  Ever since we drove back late last Monday from Sacramento, I have been off mentally.

after that, my colleague went on to talk to me about a contract patient.
it's a long story though,
can't elaborate much about the details..

she told me that the doc scolded her for 10 mins in the room..
not only that,
he also banged the table,
sounded really furious.
my heart went out to her.
cos she's rather new..
can say she has joined us sometime in April only,
and there are still lots of things for me and her to learn.

i personally feel that even though we have mishandled the admin stuff,
the doc shouldn't yell at us.
even more when there are patients outside the counter,
waiting to be seen by the doctor or register to see the doc.
the doc should reserve some dignity and pride for us.

well, dear colleague,
my bro once said to me "if you think that you have done nothing wrong, dun feel bad or what. JUST IGNORE.."
maybe there's something loose up there in his mind?

cheerios~~

I wish I knew the answers. Do you know?? Let me know if you do. Will ya??

-Maria

Meet Krabby-Kermits Grouchy Cousin

Photo artwork by LIP_Photography (Karen Ackles)

Yesterday I didn't allow myself to blog because I needed to work after taking a day off for the wedding. I told myself that I would get to it in the evening after taking care of business. But, by the time I got home from the office I was all grouchy and irritable. And then, my husband could do no right and the teens were being rude to one another. What ended up happening is that in the middle of dinner I needed to excuse myself because I felt so annoyed and frustrated.

After spending some time alone (I actually dosed off for a few minutes!) and walking the dog we all got back together and cleared the air. I shared how I was feeling and apologized for being grouchy. The teens said sorry too and then we all decided to go see Wall-E, which was funny and heartwarming. The day was rocky, but turned out nice.

In retrospect, I see now how blogging helps me to clear my heart and mind so that I can get on with all the other things I need to do during my day. It's turned out to be an important tool I use to process life and keep me smiling. So today instead of feeding a bad mood with a jumbo bag of Reeces Pieces, I'm giving myself permission to blog!

The best part...I'm not even sure what I'm angry about?!

So stupid.

One one hand I have these:

 Bite size Oh Henry bars. Oh my!

On the other hand, I have these:

Bite sized Reeses Pieces

What to eat first?

Or should I just eat them both?

What to do? Which one would you eat first?

Chocolate makes everything better, though, doesn't it?

It could be the horrid umpire-ing (is that actually a word?) at my daughter's baseball game that caused them to lose.

It could be the fact that my house is a mess and no one seems to care but me. Everyone came home from the game, sat down to either watch tv or sleep in a chair while I did all the work.

It could be the fact that I can't hear the tv over my husband's snoring.

It could be that I'm just simply in a bad mood.

Whatever it is, the fact remains, I'm grumpy. Really, really grumpy.

What am I going to do about it, that's the big question. I have two choices. I can either wallow in my misery, or do something to change it. But what?

I think ice cream. Or chocolate. Either one would work.

I'm leaning towards ice cream.

I'll be back.

Duh, udah gak sabar nih mobil mau dipasangin Busi NGK Iridium + Voltage Stabilizer EXR, katanya sih dengan 2 perangkat ini, Fuel Consumption (dan pasti nya Power nya juga hehe) mobil bisa jadi lebih baik... we'll see... mungkin minggu depan udah terpasang nih alat... testimony nya pasti gw post deh nanti...

I had to stay at work until 7 pm last evening. Becoz the boss doesn't do his job right. The work I was supposed to do was supposed to have been done by him. But he doesn't care. He sits reading the newspaper for most of the day and pushes us to do work. All the more reason I need to leave this job. It feels more and more right to leave.

Oh in the midst of this post I was called out of the office. A family friend is in town from London. He came to see me at the office. It was so nice to see him. Him and his family are wonderful, wonderful people. They have open hearts and are harmless people who are liked by all. They looked after me when I went to study abroad. He gave me some chocolates ! The kind I love !! And some money for my son. God bless him and his family with soooo much barakat. Ameen.

I started this post in a bad mood because of my office woes. But now my mood has turned to happy :-)

God bless all the good people in this world. Ameen.

Speaking of good people. Check out this link: http://blog.theirc.org/tag/joanne-offer-in-kenya/