I cannot believe that it is almost here. It is the culmination of 6 years of hard work all into one test that will determine whether or not I am allowed to practice as a pharmacist. I am not going to lie, I am scared shit-less. I know I know my material, I am sure Butler would not have given me a degree if I did not give them some reason why I deserved one by passing my classes and doing with some sort of okay by them. But, there is still this little twinge in the back of my mind that is making me nervous. I suppose that is completely normal to be nervous and a little apprehensive, and should not be so hard on myself, but this is nothing abnormal for myself.

So, I will go in on the 24th of July with all the confidence that I can pass the exam, knowing that I have prepared myself over the past 6 years for this moment, take my test and then let it be. If I have the confidence in myself, everything else should just fall into place and without a hitch. Confidence in myself will only allow me to be calm, reminding myself that I know my material and and that I am truly ready to take this exam. If I go in with self-doubt I will only harm myself, nothing good has ever come from doubting myself.

The next two weeks will be filled with nothing but preparation and reviewing the materials that I have been given, in order to obtain full confidence in myself. I will use every extra opportunity to study and get myself ready for the 24th so that I will be ready to my fullest. At this point I am strengthening the things that I already know but may have pushed into the back of my mind because I do not use it everyday. Reminding myself of things that I have learned, but may not have seen since I used it last. Brushing off the cob-webs and freshing up my memory of all of the information that was presented over 6 years of school. All of this preparation will get me ready for the test.

6 years of school, endless hours of studying, many many cluster exams and final exams, and all of this will be decided in 5 hours containing 185 questions. Wish me luck!!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~hugs and love~

I spent the first hour reading other people's blogs - something I don't seem to have time for these days.  I always read my family's blogs but often don't get to check out the blogs of those people I have links to on my blogroll.  So tonight I checked out everyone's and made a few comments.

Then, having read those, I decided to write a note to my friends down in Florida.  Took me pretty much of the next hour to write them a two page letter.  This last half hour I spent reading my junk mail.  Such an exciting time.

I am going to have to be more inventive to come up with something for the remainder of the time.  I did get my uniforms when I came in to work today - they are too long in the legs.  I told her a 32" length but they must be 34" as I keep falling over them.  The rest of the stuff fits fine.  It was good to get the jacket because I had forgotten to bring one and it is chilly in here tonight.

It is starting to get light outside - it is my favorite time at work, watching the city awaken.  Hope to be in bed here shortly.  :-)

I did check out fares to Florida earlier.  It would cost $560 or so to fly two people there.  I don't have the money to buy tickets now so am hoping the price doesn't skyrocket between now and when I do.  I might just have to go down by myself.

Mingling and striking up conversations with people you know and don't know is a great way to discover the inside story or gain valuable information about your department, organisation or field. Social skills can be mastered by anyone - even the very shy person - who is willing to learn the following essential strategies;

Dress Appropriately. Wear clothes that fit well, feel comfortable and are appropriate to the event.

Meet and Greet. Enter the room as if you belong there. Use good posture, keep your head up, smile and have a deliberate stride. After you enter, stop for a oment to gain an overview of the room so you know where everything and everyone is located.

Greet the host if there is any. Follow the 10-5 rule. If you make eye contact with someone within 10 feet of you, acknowledge that person with a nod or a smile. At five feet, you should offer a verbal greeting, such as "Hello" or "Good Evening." It drives people crazy when others pretend not to see them.

Maintain an emtpy hand. Keep it free of briefcases, files, cell phones, food and drink so that shaking hands with someone or accepting a business card won't be awkward.

Shake hands correctly. Touch thumb joint to thumb joint. Make it firm, match the person's grip.

Mingle with meaning. Keep your bidy kanguage relaxed and open.

Move out of your safety zone. The easiest person to approach is someone who also is alone. Groups of two are often in private conversation and may not want to be disturbed, but a single person is often grateful for the company. Say hello, introduce yourself and shake hands.

Join groups of three or more. As you venture further out of your safety zone, approach larger groups of people - you will interact with more people, and you won't have as much responsibility to make conversation.

Introduce yourself when you sit with others. If you are seated at a table, introduce yourself to everyone at the table, if possible.

Start the conversation. Have something to say. You will feel more able to approach others when you have something to say. Read newspapers and professional journals so you know what's going on in the world and in your field.

Choose appropriate topics. Discussions of sex, politics or religion could offend others.

Ask Questions. To encourage others to talk, ask open ended questions that require more than a yes-or-no answer.

Listen. Show that you are interested in others.

Adapted from: "When little things count... and they always count."

"In addition to the lack of training, I also have to wonder about the sensitivity of the (predominantly male) ob/gyns when this discussion of vaginal surgery descends into car talk. In a letter published in the July issue of the journal, ob/gyn Mark Vizer says,

"I asked a general surgeon about this and how he felt about learning to perform a vaginal hysterectomy. He looked at me funny. He was concerned about lack of visualization and exposure and wondered why we even did this. It made as much sense to him as changing spark plugs from under the car."

Thomas responds in kind, asking:

"Regarding your general surgeon's comments—again, two questions: How does he change his oil? Would he cut a hole in the hood of the car to get at the spark plugs or use the opening that the maker provided?"

Vizer also notes that Medicare pays more for abdominal hysterectomies and asks, "So you do something harder but get paid 15% less. Does this make sense to you?" Thomas responds that, of 53 emails he received in response to his editorial, "14 of those responders, [who] stated that being able to bill more for a transabdominal approach influenced their hysterectomy route."

I suppose it's too much to ask that the discussion focus on real benefits and risks to women, rather than Medicare payments and car analogies. Thomas closes with the following point: "Those who choose between a best practice and an extra $200 per case will have to live with their decision." Although this perspective at least takes "best practice" into account, it makes no mention of the women having surgery who also have to live with these decisions."

It is all too easy to see how these sorts of attitudes could translate into disregard for the wishes of the woman, and disrespect of her body and words.  When discussions of women's bodies descend into car-talk and while money is a deciding factor, women will continue to experience the 'slab of meat' feeling; gaining the impression that they are merely an object which is there to have things done to it.  These are exactly the sorts of attitude which lead to the violation of some women patients.

Today is my last day "off" work for the next six days.  I actually work 3am-7am tomorrow morning - don't ask me how that came about because I have no idea.  I will go to bed tonight but have to be up at 2 am to get to work on time.  Ugh.  Then I start working 11pm-7am Wednesday thru Friday, then 7pm to 7am on Saturday and Sunday.  My regular schedule that I hopefully will start on the end of July is 7pm-7am Sat & Sun and then 7pm-3am on Mondays and Tuesdays.  I suppose I should get on work's email system to see if anything has changed in my absence.

Right now I'm getting ready to go into Iowa City to get a present for my nephew's new baby girl.  I don't really know what they need so will get them some cute stuff and hope they like it. 

I really wish I could get my life into more of a routine.  I know it won't happen this month but hopefully next month - especially if work lets me stick to my schedule so I could plan out my month.  I'd like to get a second job for awhile - probably working mornings since I work for the University in the evenings.  I just have so many bills that I'm behind on - I hate it.  Before I moved I had every bill paid up on time but now it is more of a struggle.  There I could fill my gas tank up once every three or more weeks - here I'm filling it each week.  Even when I move to NL, I will still be spending a lot more in gas then I did.  Still, I'm not sorry I moved up here but I do miss some of my friends down South and I miss my condo.

According to the doctor's scale, I've lost 18 lbs since moving up here.  I can tell my clothes are a bit baggier but think that 18 lbs is such a drop in the bucket to what I need to lose.  Of course, it is a start and I expect I'll continue to lose as I go along.  I am not as down as I was in Florida so am not eating as much since a lot of my eating then was due to being down. 

So there you have it.  I guess I best get my butt in gear if I want to run to town quickly.  I don't want to be gone long because I need to do laundry and want to hang the clothes out if I can find the clothes pins.  I love the smell of clothes that have been hung out versus the dryer.  :-)

The races are going on at the race track tonight as they do every Saturday night this time of year.  Sound really carries so it sounds like they are in the backyard even though they are probably a mile away.  I've never cared for the races or even the demolition derby that they have during the fair.  Speaking of the fair, it starts in a couple of weeks.  I won't be going - have never cared for fairs either.  My sister's family buys season tickets so they can go every day and to any event the fair has such as concerts.

I read on the internet that Jeff Goldblum is taking Chris Noth's part in Criminal Intent.  I am happy about that as I really didn't like Chris that well anyway.  Hopefully Jeff will bring some levity to the show - hope his character goes well with whatever female they have on the show then.  Eams and Goran work quite well together so we need that seamless quality with whoever does the other shows as well.  I don't know why they split Criminal Intent into two different teams - I've always thought Goran and Eams carried the show very well but I guess the new team gives the others more of a break.

I know, how did I jump from the fair to Criminal Intent? LOL  Well, I'm watching Criminal Intent right now and saw Chris Noth so it triggered my memory about Jeff Goldblum. 

Hate to admit it but I'm tired.  It is only 9:20 pm and makes me wonder how I'm going to switch back over to working nights this week.  Damn, I'm so sick of them screwing with my schedule.  Course, in August I work five day shifts and the rest are nights.  I only did that because I need the money to work on the condo - it is going to be hell getting through it though.

Can't decide if I want to go to bed now or try to make it later.  Usually my brother-in-law is anxious to go to bed by now but tonight he is out working in the garage.  Once he gets done out there he will want to shower and stuff so I could potentially stay up till about 11pm.  The question is, can I keep my eyes open that long? I took two Tylenol PM's about twenty minutes ago so those should be kicking in soon on top of already being tired.

Well, anyway, guess I'll at least close down the computer for the night since it is getting warm on my lap and I hear the garage door shutting which signals that he is about done out there.  Guess he is going to work in the bathroom now - he is putting up a new curtain rod or something.

I visited my puppy again today - he is so adorable! I've been trying to think up a good name for him but have been struggling with it.  I was thinking "Jonesy" after the cat in Alein but damn, what kind of a complex would that give him if he knew he was named after a cat?

I'm also thinking of calling him "Norman"...don't ask me why but it came to me and I kind of like it.  Course, I also thought of "yuri", "chester", "charlie" and "brenner".  So hard to come up with a name when he doesn't fit any of the other names I had previously picked out for a dog - like "jules".  I don't know - guess the answer will come to me eventually.

I am in the mood to write but don't have my stuff available to me to write on.  My stories are in my computer which sits in my car - sure hope it works alright when I do go to set it up.  Of course, I won't have anything to set it on once I move to my own place anyway.  I'm going to go around curbside shopping after I get moved because people are always throwing stuff out to their curbs. I'll also check the second hand shops.

Well, everyone came in from outside so I guess I will work at visiting some now.  The movie I was waiting to watch is coming on now but it is too gorry for the kids so I'll have to catch it some other time.  Oh well, no big deal - I wouldn't get to see it all anyway.  Probably give me nightmares since it is about werewolves.

What we find hard, as parents, to do is to actually let go so that they can find their way beyond us.  I know that we all do let go and have to let go but it is still hard.  Today I went to see my son as he said we'd maybe do something before he had to go to work.  He didn't expect his girlfriend, my future daughter-in-law, to be home soon so we figured we'd hang out. 

Well, she was home early so that put the kibosh on us doing anything together.  Not that I won't do anything with the two of them, of course I would, but since they hadn't seen each other since Wednesday they didn't want to do anything with me.  Imagine that.

But that gets away from my point a bit doesn't it? My son has grown into his own person with his own plans and ideals.  I am proud of the man he has become though I'm not sure being so matters to him one way or the other.  I suppose he thinks I'd be proud of him no matter what unless he did something horrendous like killing someone for fun...

I think it is hard to have your children grow up because you are left with this notion that who are you if not their mom? Yes, you are always their mom but once they are grown, that part of your life is called on less and less so you have to find your identity in something else.  The name of it is "Empty Nest Syndrome" which makes me laugh that there is a name for it but I guess it is becoming an increasing reason for depression and people feeling so worthless.

How do you re-devote your life to something else once the kids are raised and out of the house? What else is there when you've spent the last 20 years solely on this one purpose? It is a struggle sometimes to find things that are as meaningful as raising children - even half as meaningful.  I know it is something I still work with all the time.  {sigh}

Easy is to get a place in someone's address book, Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart…

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others,
 Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

…

Easy is to talk without thinking, Difficult is to refrain the tongue…

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us, Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others,
 Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

…

Easy is to set rules, Difficult is to follow them...



Easy is to dream every night, Difficult is to fight for a dream...


Easy is to show victory, Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...



Easy is to admire a full moon, Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone, Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day, Difficult to give its real value...



Easy is to promise something to someone, Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Easy is to say we love, Difficult is to show it every day...



Easy is to criticize others, Difficult is to improve oneself...



Easy is to make mistakes, Difficult is to learn from them...



Easy is to weep for a lost love, Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it…

Easy is to think about improving, Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action... 


Easy is to think bad of others,
 Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive, Difficult is to give

…

Easy to read this, 
Difficult to follow

…

Easy is keep the friendship with words, Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

And Your CHOICE is… ?

In the eighty four pages of Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness, William Styron describes his descent into depression through reflection on melancholia, despair, physical ailments, social phobia, alcohol, therapy, hospitalisation and eventual recovery. He gives an extremely moving account of his preparation for suicide, feeling like an observer to an oncoming disaster in an almost theatrical fashion. His attempts to write a farewell note seemed too ridiculous for they sounded either pompous or comical so he tore up all his efforts and resolved to “go out in silence”.

“Late one bitterly cold night, when I knew that I could not possibly get myself through the following day, I sat in the living room of the house bundled up against the chill; something happened to the furnace. My wife had gone to bed and I have forced myself to watch the tape of a movie in which a young actress, who had been in a play of mine, was cast in a small part. At one point in the film … the characters moved down the hallway of a music conservatory, beyond the walls of which, from unseen musicians, came a contralto voice, a sudden soaring passage from the Brahms Alto Rapsody.

This sound which, like all music – indeed, like all pleasure – I had been numbly unresponsive to for months, pierced my heart like a dagger, and in a flood of swift recollection I thought of all the joys the house had known: the children who had rushed through its rooms, the festivals, the love and work, the honestly earned slumber, the voices and the nimble commotion, the perennial tribe of cats and dogs and birds … all this I realised was more than I could ever abandon, even as what had set out so deliberately to do was more than I could inflict on those memories and upon those, so close to me, with whom the memories were bound. And just as powerfully I realised I could not commit this desecration on myself. I drew upon some last gleam of sanity … “

Eloquent and straightforward. Enjoy.

The trip was uneventful with the exception of the constant road construction.  You'd get free of it, finally, and see a sign that in two more miles you'd be down to one lane again.  Everyone would speed up and try to volley for the "best" spot before the construction began again.  A semi was in the lane trying to get around another one and wasn't going to make it so I slowed down to let him in front of me.  I couldn't help wondering what that driver was thinking, trying to speed up so much to get around a vehicle as big and cumbersome as he, himself, was.  Did he really think he'd make it?

At one point we were stopped, bumper to bumper, which I hate because it is usually about that time that I suddenly have to go to the bathroom.  The next rest stop was one with "parking only"...no toilet facilities.  I'm sorry but who wants to rest somewhere that is just for parking? I know, your thinking of the semi's but really, don't you think they'd like to stop to rest and go to the bathroom so they don't have to stop later? I would think so but guess the state of Iowa disagrees.  There was, in all the parking only rest stops I saw, one RV parked there which I thought made sense since it has it's own toilet facilities.

For me, I would alternate.  I'd stop at a regular rest stop to go the bathroom and then not stop again until I needed gas.  Even getting 30.8 miles to the gallon, I used a lot of gas.  I don't see how anyone can afford to travel for leisure anymore.

I didn't get lost at all, the way was well signed so it was very simple.  I did get pulled over by a State Trooper though.  He said he pulled me over because I didn't have a front license plate and because my tinting was too dark on my windows.  Well, the tinting is blown into the glass at the factory so the only way to change that is to get different windows which, of course, I'm not about to do.  The front license plate is just my own little protest over having to drill holes into my bumper just because Iowa is one of the few states left who insists on front license plates.  Irritates me.  I didn't get any tickets - I wasn't speeding when he stopped me so I just got warnings for the other things.

I had a good visit with my sister and enjoyed myself but was anxious to get back to Iowa City too.  I tried to spend the driving time reviewing my life and what changes I would like to make but then got trapped in construction so much that I had to focus on staying between the pylons.  When I was finally free of construction for a fifty mile stretch, my brain was too tired to consider anything other then being able to close my eyes soon.  Even considered pulling over to rest for a half hour or so because my eyes hurt but I didn't.  I didn't really sleep well and then was up at 6:30am so think part of the problem with my eyes was simply that I was tired.

In my experience, there are basically three types of people in the world:  Pessimists, Realists and Visionaries.

I'm not sure how you'd describe yourself, but let me walk you through a general description of each one, starting with the Pessimist.

Pessimist

If a Pessimist is a 10 on a scale of 1 to 100, they generally think they'll probably go to a 9 given enough time. Because of this belief, they are usually right.  And, one of the amazing things I've found is that Pessimists are actually proud of the fact that, once again, they accurately predicted the outcome.

Realist

The Realist is slightly different. If they are a 10 on a scale of 1 to 100, they don't think they're going to go down. But they aren't comfortable claiming that they're going to go too far up either.  They might set their goal at 12. Whatever it takes to make sure they achieve their goal.  And, if they ever miss a goal, they'll lower the bar even further the next time.

How they are "perceived" by the world around them is a BIG deal to the Realist. They never want to be embarrassed. They never want to lose face. They never want to be proven wrong with one of their goals or assumptions. Because of this belief, they set very small goals for themselves.

Visionary

That leaves us with the Visionary. The Visionary is a strange animal. Especially to the Pessimists and the Realists.

If a Visionary is a 10 on a scale of 1 to 100, or if their project is a 10 on the same scale, the Visionary sets their sights on being a 90!  And guess how many times they achieve their goal in the time they envisioned.  Almost never… but in reaching for 90, they might get to 50.

Now, if every person or project was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 100, and you were to evaluate these three groups based upon sheer results, who's would you rather have?  The Pessimist results at 9?  The Realist results at 12?  Or would you prefer having the Visionary results at 50?  Easy answer, right? Everyone says they want the Visionary's results at 50. But it's easier to say you want to be a Visionary than it is to actually do what it takes to stay a Visionary.

Visionaries take a lot of heat.  

Since they are well under their public goal most of the time, their judgment is called into question. People roll their eyes. The Pessimists and Realists spend a lot of time talking about how the Visionary missed their mark by not getting to 90… instead of seeing how valuable it was to get to 50.

A person, who’s trying to be a Visionary for the first time, might say to himself or herself "Why don't I just set my goal at 50 and make everyone happy?"

Here's the problem with that approach… it's been my experience that when you set it at 50, you almost never make it there either. You might make it to 40 and still be ahead of the others.  But then you set the next project at 40 and hit 30. Then you set the next one at 30 and make 20. And in a very short period of time, you've become a realist… setting expectations so low that it would be hard to miss them.

If we're judging on sheer results, that's not a great place for a leader to be. For an organization to do great things, to a certain extent, the leader must be a Visionary.

Once I learned this, it changed everything for me. And it can do the same for you.  People will listen to a visionary. People will follow a visionary. People can become better by being around a visionary.

Believe it or not, the world needs Pessimists. Someone has to be thinking about winter all summer. Someone has to be thinking about worst-case scenarios.

The world also needs Realists. Someone has to take the bull by the horns, make their lists, put their head down, mute out all the grand talk and do the work the organization needs to be done every day.

But I am, and will always be, a fan of the Visionary.

If you're one of those brave souls, it's only fair that I give you the downside.  You're going to have to live with the fact that people will spend a good amount of time rolling their eyes and groaning at the crazy beliefs and expectations you'll be throwing at them on a regular basis. It might sound easy, but I have to tell you it's hard to withstand the constant criticism.

What makes it even harder is the fact that 95% of people are in the pessimist and realist camp and do you know what they absolutely love to do? They just love to point out the fact that you, as a Visionary, missed your goal! Even though you're much farther ahead than they are. They actually feel superior!

So, where do you see yourself? Do you see yourself growing into a pessimist? Do you see yourself growing into a realist? Or do you see yourself growing into a visionary?

I hope the answer is to grow into a Visionary. I understand you might not be all the way there right now and that's okay, just as long as you're willing to do what it takes to grow into one.

So spend some time thinking about where you see yourself and then decide how much sniping you're willing to take from the pessimists and realists on your way to the top.

I assure you it's worth it.

source: Eric Worre - Network Marketing Professional

-- Michael Jordan

I wish means: Wouldn't it be nice if...

If you always make the right decision, the safe decision, the one most people make, you will be the same as everyone else.

Always wishing life was different.

I Want.

I want means: if I want it enough, I will get it.

Getting what you want means making the decisions you need to make to get what you want... Not the decisions those around you think you should make.

Making the safe decision is dull, predictable and leads nowhere new. The unsafe decision causes you to think and respond in a way you hadn't thought of.

And that thought will lead you to other thoughts which will help you achieve what you want.

Start taking bad decisions and it will take you to a place where others only dream of being.

source: "Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite" - Paul Arden.

I find it a little strange sometimes that I can get such good results. I’m sure someone is going to contact me to say there’s been a blunder, a huge mistake, a bit of a mix-up but so far it appears not so I smile. Now those who know me know that I hate boasting and am more inclined to understate my achievements than to shout about them from the rooftops. This is my way even though I wish I was different sometimes. Maybe it’s the result of a Presbyterian upbringing and the fact that praise was always hard to come by in our household or maybe it’s just a personality thing. Who knows and it’s not important. What’s important is I felt really good about myself and am pleased that the hard work is continuing to pay off. I’m sure family and friends believe that I’m taking the phrase ‘if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well’ to the extreme. No? Thanks for your help and support anyway x

Then I had an odd afternoon when I dropped in on a drop-in group specifically for people recovering from mental ill-health. Nothing odd in that you might say, especially for a student nurse specialising in mental health and you’d be right. In essence it’s not odd at all. But when the bingo started I was transported to a certain scene in a certain film. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry quite frankly and left feeling a bit deflated by the whole experience even though the participants were very nice, staff extremely welcoming and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

Nothing wrong with bingo you might think and, again, you’d be right. What am I getting at? I’m not really sure. I spoke to my mentor about it today and questioned the appropriateness of my reaction in a conscientious reflective student kind-of-a-way. Contrary to my thinking she understood what I meant, asking if I saw it as a step backwards instead of forwards. I’m sure that’s what I saw - something from the past - a stereotypical collection of people doing a stereotypical type thing in a stark hall absent of any warmth and I guess that shocked me slightly in 2008. I wondered if this is the best we can do?  I'm not sure what I think.

What I know is they enjoy it, it’s not about me is it, it’s about those that turn up week after week because it’s bingo. Good for them.

Enough said. Move on.

If you think it doesn't matter, think again. Money is cited as one of the most common reasons for break-up. Financial dilemmas can highlight a range of relationship problems.

To love, honour... and share?
The household budget and joint accounts can be testing, from how much to contribute and dividing it fairly to what the money is spent on. How do you ensure neither party feels it's unfair?

'I was earning £20k and my boyfriend £13k; so monthly contributions were split 60 and 40 per cent, which leaves a fairer amount of disposable income. The joint account was used for bills and food shopping. If you're living together, it's a partnership that should not disadvantage one person.'
mistressk

Not everyone is able to 'place' money within a relationship. As relationship expert Paula Hall acknowledges, 'Money is also about our ability to share, compromise, negotiate and commit to another person. If one person behaves differently, it can cause huge problems. Ensure conversations are not just about money, but about the feelings they evoke. If not having a joint account makes you think that your partner is withholding or not committing, talk about those issues - not bank accounts.'

Credit wars
Men often feel money is their domain but what do you do when things get out of hand? As one woman discovered, it's not always easy.

'He hadn't kept up with the second card and debt collectors were ringing. So he panicked and paid off the whole balance with the other card - taking us over our credit limit. He says he didn't want to worry me, that it's a man's job and he feels bad asking me to handle it. I understand, but he isn't any good with money and I am. I'm upset he kept this from me.'
forestchild22

There's little point in burying your head in the sand. But, as Paula says, talking about money is tricky. 'Some people have no problem - it depends on how it was handled in your family. Ask how your partner feels talking about money. Is it a touchy subject; something they were brought up to believe was rude or inappropriate? You need to agree that the conversation is an important one before you embark on it - so if it's awkward, you share the same goal.'

Debt damage
Debt might damage your credit rating - but it can also damage your relationship. How can you prevent it from ruining your daily life?

'We're working, but every penny is going towards debts, household costs and mortgage. We've been through a spate of household disasters and are at a point where we're barely talking to each other because every conversation revolves around trying to pay another bill.'
cassiopeia

For others, the problem is the opposite - yet the stress remains the same.

'We are living off our overdraft every month. I find it so depressing, we're not getting on at all. I thought it was because I didn't love him anymore but it could be because of money. I keep things bottled up quite a lot; he says it's only money and doesn't stress like me.'
hayley2005

You might not want to, but it's vital to start a dialogue. 'Money is about value in every sense of the word' says Paula. 'How we spend it reflects our values in life. Is it for spending, saving or helping the world? Do we spend on luxuries or future investments? How much you spend on friends, family and partner also reflects how much you value your relationships. It can be an emotional minefield!'

Money talks... but can you?
Not talking can make things worse, but when can you talk money as a couple? Before it gets too late, for starters...

'Debt ruined my 16-year marriage because my husband couldn't face his £80k debts and failed business. His answer was an affair. Put your marriage first and talk to each other - if your husband won't talk, then take action for your part in the debts anyway.'
twokidsplus1

'We've been together for six months, but we have different ideas about money. I keep on top of bills and never get into debt. My boyfriend ran up huge debts with his ex-wife - they've come out of a 18-year-marriage with nothing. I try to think what he does with his money is up to him, but we're looking at our future and it could cause problems.'
sharon1110

According to Paula, no time is too soon: 'Talk about money from a very early stage. Often, different attitudes to money reflect different attitudes to life. One of you may be a 'live for today' type, while the other is more cautious. The most obvious place you'll see this is in your finances, but the difference in attitude can affect different aspects of the relationship.'

Shared decisions go a long way to making you both feel important in the relationship and can prevent money issues from causing anger and resentment. Treat money like any other problem - don't bottle it up, get a conversation going and find a solution that suits you both.

What makes people happy?

First, having a purpose - which means doing something in your life that has meaning for you, whether it is building a better company, raising happy children or helping to make the world a better place.

Second, having hope - which means you have something to look forward to. Even if your current circumstances are difficult, if you have hope that your effort will be rewarded and that things will improve, you can find happiness.

Happy people accept themselves as they are, so they have peace of mind. And yes, last but not least, having someone to love.

It is your decision

Happiness is no accident - it is something we choose, says Andrew Matthews, international speaker and author of motivation and personal development classics, Being Happy! and Follow Your Heart. He says: "Happy people make a decision to be happy in spite of their problems."

"They concentrate on what they have - not what is missing. They count their blessings. They take maximum responsibility for their life and for their mistakes. They don't blame others."

Most importantly, he points out, happy people are more flexible. "They are able to say, if my plane is early, I am happy. If my plane is late, I am happy.' Their state of mind is determined by their own thoughts, not outside circumstances."

Sounds utopian? Not if you can relate this philosophy to the corporate environment. And human resource (HR) departments can help in cultivating a happy people culture. Says Matthews: "Encourage employees to develop life skills, not just work skills. Encourage healthy working relationships. Encourage honesty in the workplace, and encourage workers to speak openly. Make employees feel appreciated."

"This can include helping staff understand how their beliefs affect their experience, how communication within an organisation improves as a result of improving how we see things."

Being Happy is Infectious

Often, employees wonder if the Being Happy philosophy works in the corporate environment and what its effects are? Matthews highlights the benefits: "Employees feel more fulfilled. They set personal and professional goals."

"They realise that they do their best not to please their boss, but to make themselves happier. They take responsibility and blame other people less. Companies retain their employees."

It works by providing employees, managers and executives with the choice and skills to experience work in a happier way, he adds. However, he admits that though it sounds fairly simple and practical, there are challenges that employees have to deal with.

He says: "One challenge HR may face while introducing the Being Happy culture is 'pushback' from those who do not understand the philosophy or value it. People tend to resist change. They say: "I am OK. It's my boss who needs to change." Some say. "There's nothing wrog with my attitude."

"Many people postpone happiness. For example, they say, "I'll be happy when i get a pay rise" or "I'll be happy when that stupid associate is transferred to another department." "Pushback can be resistance simple to the unknown."

If a HR practitioner experiences this when implementing the Being Happy philosophy, asking better questions will help identify the aspects of the process that are causing concern.

"Being Happy is not focussed on fixing a short-term problem or issue. being Happy is about living life and being excited about the life that we experience."

Attitude Counts

It is all in the attitude. Here is an example. "Two women turn 50. Mary says, "My life is over!" Julie says, "My life has just begun." Who will be happier? Who will be more successful?"

The laws of happiness and success are like laws of gravity. They are the same for everyone. If you see yourself as successful and keep on producing quality work, you will succeed. See yourself as happy, look for good things in life and the people around you, and you will become happier." - source: ST/ANN

I dreamt again last night that I owned a cabin in Montana.  Of course, never having seen Montana except in movies, my dream was limited to those scraps of knowledge.  I wish I could win the lottery because buying a cabin in Montana, Colorado, or Wyoming is something I would definitely But alas, that is hardly likely.

Today I am looking at apartments for rent that allow a dog.  Now, I could give up my dog and find a nicer apartment however, Baxter keeps me sane and gets me exercising.  It is hard to come home late at night and not have anyone there.  Baxter always greets me at the door, is very excited I'm home, and then sits beside me on the couch while I watch tv or whatever - when I go to bed, he curls up next to me to sleep.  I don't want to be alone again.

I believe there are nice apartments out there that allow dogs, I just have to find them.  He is just a little guy so I find it hard to believe he isn't acceptable.  Of course, looking for an apartment is not what I'd like to be doing - I'd like to be looking for a house to buy.  But if I hang on to the condo a while longer then I can't buy a house up here...it is just plain monetary fact.

Oh the challenges of life.  There are more apartments open next month since the lease year here goes August to the end of July but I don't want to wait.  I'm sure my sister would let me stay with them another month but I hate being a burden to others or making them feel uncomfortable in their own home.  Besides, I need to get moving forward on getting settled or I will go insane.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith– that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained."

- Philippians 3:7-16

Philippians 3 holds another key to Christian maturity, which I will call “attitude”, or rather the way we think about spiritual things. Earlier on in the book of Philippians Paul has already called us to put on the “mind of Christ” (Philippians 2:5). Part of becoming more like Jesus and growing in maturity involves humbly learning from Him, and learning from others, like Paul, as they learn from him (1 Corinthians 11:1). Here we are hearing from Paul some of the thoughts and attitudes that Christ would have us to learn. As Paul clearly states, “Let those of us who are mature think THIS way.”

How are we to think? First, like Paul, we are to consider all of the righteous things we do as no more than feces (much closer to the actual word used in the Greek) in comparison to the work Jesus did on the cross on our behalf. Do not allow yourself to think – or feel - that anything we do obligates God to save us. In Christ we are righteous, but only because we have been given the righteousness of Jesus through faith in Him. The mature think this way: I am desperately dependent on God’s work if I am to ever see God.

Now, as a result Paul confesses in other places that the true Gospel may in fact have a negative reaction among many. Romans 6:15 asks, “What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace?” This is the natural response of the non-believer or the immature, but not of the mature believer.

“Let those of us who are mature think THIS way.” Though we realize it is by faith we have been saved, we recognize our need for striving in the area of sanctification. In fact it is only because God already has us tightly gripped in His protecting hand that we find ourselves safe to truly live the Christian life and truly grow. What can be done to separate us from the love of Christ? (Romans 8:35-39) Absolutely nothing! We are safe to strive for Godliness – fear no longer hinders us from a life of risk, for God already holds us secure in his grace. Those who are mature think this way: we have been bought with a price – God now holds our life in His hand – therefore we are free to live a life in response to that safety – a life of striving and pushing and working towards the triumphant goal He has set before us.

The 2 attitudes of a mature believer are;

1.) I recognize that I can do nothing to earn God’s favor, and

2.) I realize that God has already done what needs to be done to secure my salvation, therefore I am free to live a life pleasing to Him in response to that security.

Since I arrived here, I have seen many families explode into wealth with my own eyes.  The last five years have seen massive change on every front.  Construction makes streets unrecognizable seemingly overnight, the supermarkets stock new import items at every visit, more and more people are buying cars, or really expensive motorbikes.  But the booming economic dragon that Vietnam has been is in jeopardy. 

http://www.irinnews.org/report.aspx?ReportId=78685

http://voanews.com/english/2008-06-13-voa16.cfm

Now, I'm not an economist.  Besides having enough to be comfortable, money isn't that important to me.  But when I see a well-dressed woman have to put back the rice that she had carefully chosen for her family because she can't afford to buy it, my heart aches.  Even in foreign circles, it is the topic of the hour.  People are feeling pinched where they had gotten used to being flush.  

Everyone I know is OK, but the already poor are getting poorer.  In this country, there are countless millions of them.  I don't know what the answer is.  I know that it's weighing on my mind, and I feel helpless to contribute.  But then, just yesterday, as I was walking by the hospital opposite my apartment building, I noticed a large throng of people carrying away small bags of something under their coats.  Somebody with a big heart had cooked and bagged individual portions of rice and was giving it out to the families and patients in the hospital.  It's a small gesture that affected a couple of hundred people, but it gives me hope.

I don't know what the government plans to do.  But I hope, and not for my own sake, that they do it soon.

For a more quantitative explanation of the problem, please clicky here:  http://bonoboathome.blogspot.com/2008/05/vietnams-inflation-explosion.html

Yesterday, while we were eating breakfast at the small outdoor cafe in our building, a mom and her two kids joined us at our table.  They were from Ca Mau, a city at the most southern tip of Vietnam.  So, as Ca Mau Mom was asking That Daddy for directions through Ho Chi Minh City, my eyes were transfixed on her two beautiful children.  As I was watching, the children, a girl about 12 and a boy about 8, ordered their breakfast.  The girl ordered rice and grilled pork, the boy ordered pho*, and they began to eat.  Immediately the boy declared that the soup was too hot, and that he couldn't eat it.  Without a thought, the girl took it from him and gave him her plate of rice. 

I have noticed, with much admiration, how siblings here show so much respect for each other.  They really take care of each other.  It is a wonderful thing to see two children who have been separated for two hours of class be genuinely happy to see each other again.  I have repeatedly seen boys help their little sisters on with their shoes, and older siblings routinely carry school bags for the younger children as they escort them to their classrooms.  When teenage boys are asked if they love their mothers, without any hint of embarrassment the answer is simply, "Yes". 

If children are expected to treat their family members with that much respect, it will overflow to all of the other people in their lives.  In general, Vietnamese children do respect their elders, they do respect their classmates, they do respect themselves.  And, as a parent, that is something that I will strive for.  And it is one of the many reasons that I will raise my daughter here, in this wonderful, unexpected country. 

*pho- rice noodle soup with beef (or occassionally chicken) served with fresh basil, mint, chili and lemon.  It is a staple breakfast item, is available everywhere, is cheap, and I've never met anyone who doesn't love it.

1. Everybody is my customer. You'll drive yourself crazy - and lose your shirt - if you let yourself believe that. The truth is that most of your customers share certain traits, such as size or profitability that make them right for your business proposal. Fugure out what those traits are, then avoid investing time with prospects who don't share those basic characterics.

2. Every sale is a good sale. That's simply not true. Any sale, no matter how good it seems at first glance, is ultimately bad business if it's not profitable, produces customer dissatisfaction or hurts your reputation. Remember. No business is better than business that can hurt you.

3. Never take "NO" for an answer. Admit it out loud: There is no point beating a dead horse. Sometimes, "No" is the right answer - the only answer. Accept gratefully if the prospect is not a good match or if the sale is wrong for some other reason.

4. There's always more time to sell. When you look at their schedules, you will see that reps today actually have less time to sell because they are spending more time on travel, preparation, research and administrative tasks. Because they are spending time in those non-productve areas, they may be tempted to work around the clock. Do not let your salesperson work 24/7 - it hurts them, your organisation and your customers. Teach your reps to view selling time as scarce, precious and irreplaceable. That helps them see the need to invest it where it will bring the maximum return.

5. Salespeople pay for themselves. No, they don't. Even if you pay them straight commission, salespeople who lack support, guidance or adequate skills cost you big time in lost opportunity and damaged customer relations. Salespeople are precious resources too. As a Manager, make sure to invest in them wisely to get the maximum return.

Adapted from: "Sales Expert Warns of 5 East Ways to Ruin Business"