in it he writes:

There are also more subtle enemies of love.  These imitations of love are attachment and expectation...When attachment arises in the place of love, it sees the other as separate; it grasps and needs.  Attachment is conditional; it seeks control and fears loss.  Ask your heart if attachment has replaced love.  If we speak to our heart, it will always tell us the truth...Expectation is another imitation of love...Attachment to our hopes and desires, to our subtle expectations destroys the tender space of love.  Even the most benevolent expectations can feel like pressure and judgment to another...Love is generous without need.  It is fulfilling in itself.  It is courageous.  Love offers kindness with no requirement in return.

attachment and expectation smother love.

but to love without seeking reciprocation? 

no wonder it is called the "narrow road".  loving truly and purely, selflessly...well, it's difficult and painful...and sadly - but not surprisingly -  it is the road less travelled.  at some level i know this, as evidenced by the poem i wrote below for a friend who was struggling with this.  but it is something that is a struggle for me as well and something i have to continually revisit in meditation and in life with all of my relationships - especially those closest to my heart.

here is the poem...

Love Knows Only Love

friend
of my heart
and
soul

are there any rules
with Love?

only this...

when the earth is thirsty
Love's rain falls

when she is cold
Love's warmth rises

silently

in the early hours, it rises
to greet her

waiting

before she wakes
to remind her that

Love knows only Love

...may your path continue to lead you away from imitations of love and into the light of True Love.  this is my wish for myself and for all of you, my friends.

peace...
~ j

For those of you who may not be familiar with Buddhism, the concept of "emptiness" is central to the Buddhist philosophy and the practice of Buddhism. If you want to read more about it, here is a great resource to learn more.  Without going too deep into what emptiness is (since I don't really know much about it myself), it's suffice to say that one of what they preach in "emptiness" is non-attachment.  That is to say, you are not enslaved to anything or anyone with either your thoughts or your body.

In this day and age where consumption is king and materialism rules the world, it is too readily assumed that "non-attachment" is better than a full acceptance of earthly life.  In fact, it is often assumed that ordinary humans only reject the non-attachment concept because it is too hard to achieve.  But I am starting to wonder if that's really the case.  Could it be that there are people who genuinely do not wish to become enlightened?  Is it not probable that some who achieve or aspire to achieve enlightenment have never felt much temptation to be human beings?  In other words, what if I just want to be human with all the virtues and vices of one, including being attached?  In fact, I rather like the fact that I am attached to the people I love; it makes me feel human.  Why is that so wrong?

It happens all the time. The quintessential drama that young, and perhaps not so young, women find themselves in. They encounter a man and they fall in love. For some it may happen instantly... for others, it may take weeks, even months to develop. But the final result is precisely that: she is in love, he isn't- not with her, anyway.

Yes, it feels dire, desperate,and hopeless...particularly in this stauchly conservative culture where women are expected to wait till they are chosen, wooed, and courted. Sadly, a woman in love has no choice but to hid her heart and pine away, it seems. Or does she?

Or can she do something about it, and more importantly, have a hope of success?

Reason vs. Emotion

If you are, in fact, in love or simply in "crush" (it really doesn't matter which), make sure that your reasons are well... resonable. It can't be just because he's a Ricky Martin look-alike or because he has great abs and pecs, or even because he's great in bed; ok maybe that one, but then thats just lust... anyways. The assumption is that you know your target well enough to believe that you and he will get along. You and he like the same things or his sense of humor is like yours or he values things like family and friends the way you do. This is being rational, rather than emotional. Being rational will serve you well in your pursuit of his 'love.'

Have good reasons for the state of your heart and you will achieve success.

A Matter of Male Clueless-ness

It's a matter of perspective. One way to look at this: It's not much that you are in love with someone who does not love you. It's that, that someone does not yet know that you are there for him to love.

Men can be sort-of clueless about affairs of the heart and matters of compatibility. Like many species in the animal kingdome, they go for shiny objects, things that are brightly colored and move around a lot. They will incline themselves toward the objectively pretty, obviously attractive women. Many don't even give a thought initially to personality- letting the physical attration lead the way, often to dismal ends.

Look at it this way: All you're doing is giving him a clue to two to solving the mystery of you.

All's Fair in Love

The reason why many girls fail to get their guy to like them is they count on it too much. You might say like Renee Zellwegger said in the film, Jerry Maguire: "But I love him!" Truth is, you don't. You are in severe "crush"- you don't know yet if you love him. You just think that you might be able to. An entirely different thing, trust me.

The mindset you should have? That all is fair in the game of love. In short: Don't put all your emotional eggs in one man's basket. The only way you stand a chance at winning him is if you will be able to stand it in case you lose him. This not about heart's lifelong happiness. All this is sporting effort at making a guy see how wonderful YOU are.

Throw out the notion that this is the one and only man for you. Yes, this maybe the one...or he could be just the one of many to come. On the off chance that he isn't, there will be others. This should to be your frame of heart and mind before you embark on this quest: dating.

There are no guarantees but there's also no law against trying to win the affections of a seemingly indifferent man. What's more, a few women have succeeded and reaped the rewards.

A Word of Warning
 There are men out there who are especially suspicious of women who "like them first." (They may even be reading this article). Some are even jerky enough to disdain the woman and look down on them-mark of insecurity, if ever there was one ("If I don't need to make like me, there must be something wrong with her, ie: clingee, needy...ect."). They want someone who is elusive. They yearn for the the thrill of the chase.  They don't want a "sure thing." Not all of them are like that: a few are painfully shy, nerdy, or torpe... but goodness knows, there are enough out there of the other kind. Which makes your safest course of action playing it cool. Yes, your heart may be skipping firey beats...but as you go through the guidelines, remember that all that's going on in your heart and mind should never be apparent in any way, shape, or form to the outside world; until the times right.

Bottom line: You like him, give him the option of liking you back.

Here's How:

1. Stay in his line of vision: Men are def attracted to anything; shoes, cars, and yes women who shine. Being conscious that there are other pretty girls- shouldn't be a competition. Instead be the brightest, be yourself, be oblivious as though he isn't over there. Enjoy yourself, you come first always, and he can't discover how wonderful you are unless he sees you. So be seen.

2. Let him see the nurturing you. We are the fairer sex because we are nurturing. It goes back to the fact that biologically, we can be mothers. Remember: all men first fell in love with their mothers. VERY IMPORTANT: nurture like a mother, never ACT like one. Russell Wild, author of Why Men Marry (Contemporary, 1999) says, "Men consistently list nurturing as one of the prime qualities they look for in a partner. Any man loves it when a woman pampers him, whether it's fixing him dinner or fixing his hair"

Does this mean you should nurture him? Definitely not. Simply show that you are nurturing by being caring toward everyone- your friends, your family, people who are close to you.

Once it was raining, I was genuinely concerned about whether he (my guy) had an umbrella or not to go to class in another building. You know how guys are, they never ask. So I lent him mine. Naturally though, it's got to be sincere. Fake nurturing is nothing but fake, and it will not get you anywhere.

3. Show your assets. You have a talent. A clear strength. You're a great dancer. Or you're a good communicator. You might be an athlete, or love to cook. Find that and don't make it a secret. Nothing turns a guy on more than a girl who's good at what she does: whatever it is.

4. Feel beautiful? Show it-for the world at large. As world renowned makeup artist and head of her own cosmetics company, Bobbi Brown says: Confidence is the great beautifier. So do all you can to feel beautiful...then put it into motion. You may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, but who says you can't act/feel like it? When you consciously radiate beauty, it soon becomes unconscious. Think of it as casting a net for the world and if he chooses to fall for the bait, then great!

5. Stalker? Watching like a hawk? A follow-up on #1, just because its key; you don't see him. You don't know he's watching. And as you go about your business whether it's work or play. Remember... oblivious, elusive, and mysterious. Ninety-nine percent of the the time, act like he does not even exist... then every now and then, flash him a "look-at-me" look. A mixture of surprise and pleasure that he is there after all.

No guy like to have a stare down with a girl off bat. They like to sit back and observe. Once the connection is made, then you 'both' take it to the next level... remember most guys like to chase, if your up for a little cat and mouse, have fun with it. Just know you are the one in control.

6.Always have a lot of carefree fun. Men are scared off by women who are out for a serious committed relationship with the promise of a wedding ring after two years. Besides, all you want is for him to fall for (with) you; you don't really know if you want the whole 'banana.' Take it one step at a time. You are out to show how much fun it is to be with you. The more fun and carefree you are, the more likely you are to be noticed by men with that same mindset.

7.Be feminine but a friend. Keep within the lines of being friendly like a pal but still being feminine like a woman. Showing that you can kick back and watch tv in sweats, but still be sexy, and get a little close during the commericals. Or you can get out and get dirty, but of course you look sexy with your hair tied up, and sweat dripping off of you.

8.There are other guys in the picture. Even if there are no other guys in the picture, you should be a busy woman with people to see and places to go. He dosen't have to know that you're nights out with Carlo are mainly food trips to his boyfriend's restaurant. Remember, guys cannot help but want someone who is wanted, who has stuff going on. If all you are doing is hanging around him...well, that's not going to get you anywhere, literally.

9.Stake out common interest. Treat him like a real person, and not like the man of your dreams. In other words, use every conversation to get to know him better, the way you get to know any other friend. You find out you both like the same music: ask to borrow his latest CD. You find out that he watches scary moveis the way you do: offer him to catch a matinee. If he reads the same material you do, bring your latest novel, it maybe something that the both of you can share and read together and then discuss what you liked about it over coffee the way you would with any other friend.

10. Don't forget your passion and NEVER neglect your life! Do not drop your life. No man is EVER worth that. This is a goal you have set for yourself much like deciding to eat healthier or deciding to revamp your career. Other aspects of your life should not fall to the wayside. You are you because of all these things. Throwing yourself at him, only shows that your are needy, and he might lable you just as that. No man wants a girl he can't shake. Everyone has personal space, and their own life. You live yours and let him live his; if for some reasons you cross pathes more than often then run with it, embrace the time you have for (with) eachother. Don't smother him, Don't beg at him, if he wants you, you will know, if you want him, make is subtle. Life is to beautiful to beat yourself up over a guy who doesn't want you, or dosen't make things clear on what he wants in life. You have much more to offer than that.

The Bonus Tip: As Ally McBeal once said: "It's really about attitude. In everything you do, act like you are loveable and you will be, be clear that your affectionate- and enjoy the closeness you will encounter. And should this guy fail to notice... toss your hair back and look elsewhere. Some other guy just might be looking in your direction." ;)

這個觀念與基督教教義是相反的，耶穌說:「……我來了，是要叫羊〔或譯：人〕得生命，並且得的更豐盛。」(約10:10)，使徒保羅說：「凡接待他的，就是信他名的人，他就賜他們權柄作　神的兒女。這等人不是從血氣生的，不是從情慾生的，也不是從人意生的，乃是從　神生的。」，從這兩段經文我們得知，權柄能力是從神來的，不是從血氣的爭奪或傳統的習性而來的。並且，耶穌拒絕利用能力來控制他人，祂以祂的能力來服事他人、扶起墮落者、饒恕有罪的、鼓勵軟弱者負起責任及漸漸成熟、並且促使人不但自身有能力，還能賦予他人能力（empowering）。這是愛的行動。賦予他人能力(empowering)是愛的行動；對於當代基督徒，神的靈內住，使我們能有能力服事他人，並且幫助他人在神所賦予的能力中成長，這就是empowering。

這個empowering的觀念應該落實於基督化家庭裡；empower我們的孩子們及我們的配偶。很不幸的是，人性的軟弱通常阻礙了家庭成員彼此之間的「賦予能力」（empowering）。怎麼說呢？我的看見乃是，很多人基於自己脆弱的不安全感，積極的讓自己成為他人的倚靠，使這些倚靠他的人，持續的停留於他的權勢之下為其所掌控，如此可以假像的滿足他的安全感。人與人之間的依附(attachment)如果是根基於依靠，這並不是愛，而是很難切斷的癮（addiction）。我不是說依附不好，家人之間的依附若是成熟，應是是忠心及支持的愛，即使有意見分歧或災難都不能威脅到這關係。不成熟的依附則是不願或無法自主的依靠，這樣的人是沒有能力的，這樣的家庭關係缺乏賦予成員能力（empowering），過度保護孩子的父母，在這方面須要注意。求神幫助我們，常常經歷神的恩典及聖靈的大能在我們生命中之作為，被神empower，以至於可以empower我們的家人及周圍的朋友們。

My left index finger is approximately 3 1/2" long. It is a fine, unblemished finger. A creamy, peach color; darker on the bottom and fading lighter as your view rolls up its side. The nail is well-shaped. Perhaps the cuticle needs some work. Usually trimmed severely, the nail is now edged with white. Wrinkled at the knuckles slightly, the finger still looks youthful. It is a fine finger, indeed.

And it is very useful. If you have a left index finger that works properly, I'm sure yours is, too. Don't take the finger for granted; look at it closely; study it; watch the way it bends and folds into its wrinkles. View it from the side, bend it down and notice how the finger squares and displays a "Y" in its middle. Bend it, point with it, pick with it, finger things with it.

Isn't it a wonderful attachment to your self?!

After getting off work on Friday I did my three miles at the river walk, showered, shaved and started to get ready to go to M. (I even stopped at CVS and bought my first box of condoms)... After getting no response from my initial text message to PB about seeing him there and no answer the couple of times I called I finally sent a blunt and to the point text message to him, basically saying that if he didn't want to pay me back to just tell me.  He called me shortly afterwards saying that it was not his intention to make me think he was ignoring me but that he had finally gotten off work and was returning his dad's call and that he wouldn't be coming to M. because he had to work Saturday as well.  Well I was disappointed to say the least.  I need the money but I was/am kind of just using it as an excuse to see him again.  I guess I am to chicken to just ask him outright if he wants to see me again.  And, since this is just sex, I feel like if I ask he will think I am forming an attachment.  I am trying to stay unattached and realistic about this whole situation but I am pretty much a fish out of water in regards to this "relationship." 

After being disappointed about not being able to see PB this weekend I still wanted to drink some alcohol and have fun but all my friends were busy elsewhere.  So I decided to go to Walmart, pick up some brownie mix, go home, make brownies and get tipsy.  Fortunately I had my amazing friend H. on the phone to talk to while I let the alcohol slur my words and make me unsteady on my feet.  In fact we had decided to make brownies and eat them together... her in Arizona and me in Georgia... I miss my H. :(

The next morning I slept in until 10:30 am.  It was already starting out to be an incredibly hot and miserable day that should only be spent around either a pool or a lake.  I decided to call my mom and see if her neighbors were in town because if they are out of town they let us use their pool.  Unfortunately they were in town... but my mother said that they were taking their little RV to Lake Oconee and that I could come out and swim in the lake if I wanted.  It was only about 30 min. from were I live and once we got there I was surprised at how beautiful it was (first time at Lake Oconee).  Their little campsite had a short trail right down to this big rock that just slid easy as pie into the water... it was like our own private beach.  I was grateful for this break from my everyday, but I was still having trouble not dwelling on how I kind of wanted to see PB.  My step-fathers brother brought his pontoon out and we went tubing behind it, which was lots of fun.  I finally got the hang of getting the big tub up on its side with out it flipping but I lost my favorite sunglasses in the process.

After swimming and tubing I was exhausted but definitely up for more on Sunday.  This time I dragged my reluctant brother and good friend A. and we had more fun.  We swam across the cove in order to jump off some available rocks into the water.  No tubing went down on Sunday but all in all it was a good day... I actually got lost in the activities so that I didn't have a care in the world.

Now it is a back to the grind and back to sitting in front of a computer which gives me way too much time to think.

Now I know this is not a unique case scenario and many women (and men for that matter) fall into the category of wanting what they can't have. But what I find most upsetting about this particular instance was his disinterest in her in his pathetic excuse for our continuous confusion. And yes I include him because he became increasingly confused of his inability to call it off with her since we had such amazing chemistry and were now hanging out 'alone' on a regular basis; going to plays, going to eat, staying after class and going to the student union, ANYTHING mind you that would keep our conversations and companionship going. Both of us made very strong efforts to keep this up and I couldn't possibly recall every detail. Well actually, I can recall most of them, but by the time I wrote it all down the length may very well equal 'Gone With the Wind.'

But there were two instances in particular that I remember things beginning to shift from 'close friends with attraction' to 'sexual tension gone wild.' Both made me especially angry, which made me question this strangely powerful emotional attachment.

The first was the afternoon we attended a play at the National together, which both of us was eager to see. Having a good time, he didn't seem to want to part ways afterwards. Which made me thoroughly confused when he said he had to walk down to the Globe to meet his girlfriend when she got off work! As I began to trot myself down to the tube, feeling like a complete cuckold, he asked me if I wanted to come and have a drink with them. A part of me visualized an enormous red light, telling me to stop whatever this was this very moment. But sadly, the part that won decided to go. Which, in retrospect, makes me wonder if by doing so, he realized we were just friends. However, his girlfriend didn't think so. (I wonder why)

As we sat outside the steps talking, she came out, surprised to see me. (We had met once before at a previous event and knew we were classmates) She asked me if I had gone to see the show at the Globe and bumped into Grey. Feeling very nervous and awkward at this moment, as I'm sure Grey did too, I sort of waited for him to respond. "No," he said "We were just at the National seeing a play." I wanted to die. Not only because I felt like my mother had just found my secret stash under my bed filled with cigarettes, I realized how suspicious she became of me right then and there for the first time. She had no idea what Grey was up to.

So I (stupidly) joined them for a drink as she stared me down, barely talking to me the whole time. Grey seemed completely clueless, not noticing the tension growing between she and I. He happily carried on conversation as usual. (barely incorporating his girlfriend may I add) This quite possibly tops the charts as the most awkward time I ever drank a mojito.

The second, which happened in the same week, was the night Grey spontaneously asked me to go to a play with him directly after class because he had a spare ticket. He knew, by the way, I wanted to see it, because at this point we essentially knew almost EVERYTHING about one another.

So I decided to naturally take him up on the offer. When we got there, we ran into our classmate formerly known as Tom which Tilia insists on calling 'Royce' and his girlfriend, who eventually sat by us and made it feel like a double date in every sense. They spoke to each other as we spoke to each other before the play began. It was at this time when I attempted to pay Grey back for the ticket. He replied by saying, "Don't bother." I insisted, as part of me didn't want to be that dreadful 'other woman' even though I really wished he would break up with his almost nonexistent girlfriend. He later admitted that the ticket was indeed, his girlfriend's, and she ended up not wanting to go!. Not only was it her ticket, but paid for with her money! Now this was not going to help my karma along any...not to mention his. We then joined 'Royce' and his girlfriend for food and a drink, which continued to feel even more like a double date as he attempted to act worried I wasn't eating enough. He also bought my drinks.

Bastard.

As the end of the school year progressed, I found him constantly asking questions about my future plans. At this point I was planning to go back to America, so this was another reason I knew he wouldn't bother breaking up with her. The last time we saw each other was over lunch last August, when he promptly became very nervous, asked me if "it was hot in here" scratched his head numerous times, took his sweater off, and  literally bounced his knees up and down, making the table shake. A part of me wanted to tell him exactly how I'd felt about him the entire year, as I was almost sure he knew to some extent, since I was even almost sure he felt the exact same way about me. But a part of me just wanted to end it, in order to not feel any kind of regret. So I never told him.

And I regret it.

He walked off into the distance past Trafalgar Square, I packed my bags and returned to America, thinking I'd get over him in time. Little did I know I was going to be moving back to London not even a year later. And after one failed relationship in between, I realize I'm still not completely over him.

I invite you in all of your varied forms to send me:

• Opportunities to serve the world in the way that creates the most value for as many people as possible in the way that they want it.
• Wisdom to perceive these opportunities when I create and encounter them, and wisdom to identify my role in how best to serve.
• Resources, both internally and externally, to take action for the highest and best good of everyone and everything involved (including myself).

This is an open invitation, and I let go of attachment to and expectations of what I think this will or won't look like.

Peace & Passion,
Curtis
--------
Curtis G. Schmitt
Turn On to Life! Coach
203-659-6636 | 610-696-3731
http://www.TurnOnToLife.com

It's a magazine called A Mother's Guide To Breastfeeding, written by Mandy Abbett, Infant Feeding Specialist and it contains so much useful information, together with some lovely photos of positioning and attachment, including some excellent ones showing exaggerated attachment, which is very useful for tongue-tied babies.

Straight up, I really haven't fucked that many girls in my life.  I can probably count them on two hands.  When I'm really in the groove, I probably hook up with a girl once a month, maybe twice a month - hook up meaning kiss or whatever - and get laid by a different girl once every two months or so.  But whenever that has happened I usually end up in a relationship.

It really isn't that big a deal.

The thing is that I know in the silly little world of the Pickup Artist, or The Seduction Community, these "numbers" are unimpressive, and I honestly don't even give them much creed.

This is not an "explanation" or a defense of myself.  This is my statement of intent.

I will never be a "good" pickup artist because...

1.  I don't go out to bars or clubs 5 to 6 nights a week "sarging".  Fuck, I'm sure that if someone were to do that, they probably could get laid every week, and have a haram of girls following them around if their "skills" were good enough. 

I don't have time to waste doing that.  I'm a writer and a musician.  I have friendships that I really enjoy that aren't wrapped around my life as a PUA.  I love seeing my family. 

Oh, yeah, and I don't live at home with mommy and daddy (like the majority of guys that I've met), therefore I need a job.  Sure, in the past, I've had moments where I was going out 3 to 4 times a week, but the things I hold important suffered.

That's the key point, I HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THIS.  Too many guys out there don't, which is why they're creepy and weird.

2.  I don't have a vested interest in making it appear as if I'm some "mega" pickup artist.  There's been only two guys that I've seen who really do have the "skills".  One was this guy LionTamer, the other is MrVivacious, the moderator of SFPlay. 

Also, I've known a couple of naturals in my life, and I know the attitude these guys have towards women and a lot of the guys that claim to be "guru's" I can tell you for a FACT are not nearly as "successful" as they claim to be.  But do you think a guy who makes his money from having the appearance of being good with girls is going to be honest with how he IS with women?  Fuck no.  Not to mention they live a lifestyle which keeps them in clubs the majority of the week.

3.  This goes with point 2, but even guys who are forums have a vested interest in "proving themselves" to other dorks.  Recently I was reading a report from a guy on a forum I read and he had all these pictures posted of himself with girls where they're drinking and partying, and damn... it was sad. 

I mean, first off, I will never believe in what this guy talks about because he is ALL about microcalibrating; i.e. "she moved her shoulder to the left, which showed to me that she has an interest in being kissed, so I moved in with my patented Kino-Escalation manuver, and got the Kiss Close!" 

Jesus Christ dude, just kiss the god damn girl. 

Anyway, all he's doing is trying to get validation from all the other guys.  I even addressed this in an earlier post, http://miamilexicon.wordpress.com/2008/06/26/pickup-the-endless-cycle-to-nowheres-ville/, and so I solved my own problem.  I never ever look at the "stats" of my blog anymore, I never check to see if there's been a link to it... nothing.  I have to say my overall mentality towards the blog has changed from these practices.  It's not sitting in the back of my head anymore, it does feel like a "journal" now, which is what the original intention of it was.

4.  I just don't have an ability to see girls as objects.  I don't hate women, my father wasn't an alcoholic who beat my mom, I wasn't molested, or any of those other things that a lot of guys have in their backgrounds that retard their ability to get close to people.  Even my brother (not by blood) who is a natural, and dates 6 women at a time.  He completely can not open up to women or take them seriously.  It's a little sad considering he wants to get married (he's in his 40s now), and he runs through girls like toilet paper in a barbeque restaurant. 

I just don't get it.  For example, I'm talking to this one girl online that I met through Chemistry.com and I find her a cool girl.  I know I'm not ready to get involved with someone completely again, but I like her.  I would like to spend time with her.  I don't understand how there are so many guys out there that will fucka  girl (even if they don't like her) and then move on.  Yeah, whatever, be callous, fulfill your phallic needs, but if you fucked the girl there had to be SOMETHING you found interesting about her?  Wouldn't you want to keep them around for selfish reasons?  They're giving you sex and decent company?  What's not to enjoy about that?

It's like these guys are in a "how many girls can I fuck" contest.  Maybe I'm weird, but I don't have this NEED to be fulfilled by getting laid all the time by different girls.  I've gone 2 months without sex, and yeah it would be very nice to have it, but it doesn't matter if I don't.  I would like to think that I wouldn't be affected if I even went without sex for the rest of my life.  Again, it's nice to have, but it's not a necessity.

This study examines whether mother-child conversation patterns are associated with child attachment classifications at preschool age (N=80). Results revealed that a child's discourse style is similar to that of her or his mother. In comparison with mothers of insecure ambivalent or disorganized children, mothers of secure children made more frequent verbal statements that elaborated emotional content. Mothers of avoidant children were more inclined to minimize emotional content than mothers of secure children. In comparison with other mothers, those with a disorganized child were sharing more frightening and hostile content, or made more verbal statements accompanied by aggressive behaviors. Secure children made more frequent verbal statements that elaborated emotional content than avoidant and disorganized children. Disorganized children made more controlling verbal statements as well as statements accompanied by aggressive or flight behaviors. Finally, our results showed that child capacity to elaborate emotional experiences partially mediated the link between maternal capacity to elaborate emotional content and child security of attachment. Our results emphasize the importance of mother-child conversational exchanges for the development of attachment in preschool children. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2008 APA, all rights reserved)

If I'm smaller I seem to use less resources, right?  I know my daughter eats very little compared to me, and I eat less than a man, for instance.

The place I live is smaller than where most I know live.  However, if a person has a family and lives in a bigger space they are sharing more resources and quite possibly taking up less space, overall.

I know that taking the bus and cramming in with all those other people helps the situation.  If we look to other populations where space is so much more a luxury then we know that it's possible to be even more efficient and less needy that way.

I've tried to live my life in the world vs. at home amoung my things, and it's been working well.  I work during the day and go to school at night.  I am at home less than half the day, every day except most weekends.  This is one of the reasons that my own, private space does not need to be so big.  I got rid of many possessions when I moved in here, and still have more than I really need.  I know I can get rid of things that I am not using and only saving for two reasons: I might need it in the future, which is unlikely since I have been living without these things and only have them in storage, and the other is that I keep things because I'm nostalgic.

Last year my parents gutted their house before selling it.  We emptied everything, took up the carpets, went into the attics, and stripped the place in anticipation of painting and new floors.  I came home with boxes of work from grade school, high school yearbooks, some momentos and clothes.  At the time, it was indicative of a melding of past and present.  An old boyfriend and I re-met each other and tried to see how that would work.  It didn't, but it was still a valuable time.

Today the morsel and her dad go on their vacation.  They fly to the East Coast for 10 days or so.  The GF will meet them there.  When I lay down in my bed last night I was thinking of this, of when I went there for the first time with him, after we had been married, to meet everyone in his family.  Last night I realized I was released from this and that she had taken over the place, the burden, and I could release that space in my brain and heart for good.  Knowing that someone else is the focus now allows me to really go forward.  I'm no longer the target, and I don't have to keep a part of my world for him.  You may wonder why that's been happening anyway, but it's not been conscious.  My mind's eye sees a sharp intake of breath, like when you witness someone doing something dangerous and are scared for them.  I don't know if she knows what she's in store for, when the gloves come off and she sees who he really is, but at the same time I revel in the situation that it's not me and that he's shifted his focus.

Finally, I need to balance the space here, my space, and reorganize.  Though living out in the world has been good for many reasons, there is a lot of work for me to do for school, for my future, and I need to take the time to do that.  And I have this space here, waiting for me.

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The attachment programme includes
1. Seminars, talks and lectures by the scientists working in nuclear research, quantum and atom optics, material science, laser applications, astrophysics and other related areas.
2. Hands-on and practical lessons on photonics which include laser and opto-electronics equipment. All lessons will be conducted by lecturers, research scientists or Ph.D. students.
3. Visit to the ANU Institute of Advanced Studies (robotics, engineering, nuclear, life sciences, etc.)
4. Visit to institutions in and around Canberra including the NASA Southern Hemisphere Space Tracking Station, Questacon, National Museum, Australian War Memorial and Wild Life Sanctuary.

The students and teachers who were involved in 2008 Photonics Attachment Programme:
1. MARCUS HAN QINGRUI
2. GOH ZHAO HANG KEITH
3. TAN XIN REN
4. WANG YING ZHI
5. PHANG ZHENG XUN
6. WU WENHAO
7. FENG WEIDONG
8. KENNETH KOONG WEI SIONG
9. TAI TZU SHUAN
10. CHUA YUHAN
11. CHUANG XUE HNG
12. TAY KIAT LONG
13. ONG MUR FEI
14. SOO CHUAN JI KENNETH
15. KOH ZHE WEI
16. LEONG DE SHUN KEVIN
17. LIM CHUN WEI CALEB
18. CHENG JUN SONG
19. CLEMENT LEE JIAN XING
20. LIM LIAN JIE
21. SUN QIANLI
22. CHENG WAI LOOK
23. TOH KUNYI KEVIN
24. LU XIAOYANG
25. MRS YVONNE LOI
26. MRS ADELINE YEO

Well yes actually, it really is that simple. It's called an attachment. It comes in many shapes and sizes and as part of its devious nature, it loves to play with masks (and not in the kinky fun kind of way). Though this duality is hardly grounds for a lengthy article, its the psychological burdens with witch these attachments are laden that I want to address. Ultimately it is the sum of all the little agitators, piggy-backing on things like our "lucky" hat or the object of our latest "gotta-have-it" whim, that eventually add up to depression and high blood pressure. Before I go further in trying to uncover the various guises which attachments may hide behind, let me first clear up, for semantics sake, what I DON'T mean by attachment. An attachment to other PEOPLE is a natural and healthy thing, and something that we as humans have come to thrive on (but even here, it is essential to note the difference between a healthy and natural attachment, and the often confused, yet always detrimental, dependency). That having been said, let me give a simple example which illustrates just one shade of the attachment chameleon.

While out with some friends at a lively themed restaurant, I wound up ordering my drink in a "souvenir" cup, rather than the plain alternative. This is unlike me, but it wasn't too much more, and I really liked its design. Upon taking it home with me, its impracticality quickly began to dawn on me. It soon became clear that drinking from it on a regular basis would be infeasible. Although a couple of subsequent guests, my good friend being one of them, did compliment the cup and noted that it was indeed "cool", it did not take me long to realize that the longer the cup stayed in my possession, the more I would come to resent it. Luckily for me, this realization came sooner rather than later and I was able to correct my initial mistake. Yet I could not help but think that with most people this would not have been the case. The cup would have languished in their household indefinitely while they wondered why they felt a strange tightness in their chest while passing by their cabinet. By the way, I did end up giving it to someone who thought it was "cool" as an act of "good will" for which they were very grateful, and if you are reading this now, I am sorry.

Like I said, this was unlike me. I do not often let clutter collect in my house and do periodically make it a point to purge the useless things which accumulate. Yet for many people, their possessions, and the incessant need to possess become tremendous sources of stress. Junk piles up. The apartment gets cramped and messy. Arguments with loved ones break out. Yet the connection is never made between all this and the growing tension within these individuals. In some cases, this alone is enough to cause misery and depression. In her article from Psychology Today, Dr. Hara Estroff Marano addresses this very issue and brings its true magnitude to light by calling it what it really is: a disorder. Luckily here, as with all attachments, the solution is simple. Not only so, but even taking the first step can be incredibly liberating and fulfilling: Just - Let - Go.

As far as clutter goes, it really is that simple. Start small. Pick one item which just looks tacky and out of place, and throw it out. Yes, I know you got it in St. Martin while you were still with Ray, but do it nonetheless and don't look back. In another article from P.T., Matthew Hutson discusses the various techniques which you can employ to rid yourself of clutter's burden. Easy enough since after all, it's just clutter. The real problem arises when we take account the more important items in our lives. The items that we have come to depend on, identify with, and ultimately define our selves in terms of.

These days, its safe to assume that everyone owns a cellphone. Some even own several. After all the new iPhone is a must right? So what if your old contract doesn't expire till January. Point is, we all have them, and we can't imagine life without one... right?? Yet have we not all lost a cell phone at one point or another? Left it at home during a trip or simply gone for an extended stay in an area with limited reception? Were these not moments of blissful freedom? The reality of the matter then appears that there really is very little we cannot do without. Refer yourself to Maslow's Hierarchy once more and please tell me if the iPhone has already taken its rightful place atop the pyramid.

I don't want to just be singling out the iPhone here exclusively. In this land of emptiness, where materialism is force-fed to us at every intersection and intermission, the simple ownership for the sake of utility has gone out the window. Its not enough to have a PC anymore, it has to be Apple. Not enough to own a vehicle, it has to be a status symbol. Even the coffee we drink must carry with it a brand premium. So what happens when you've amassed all the elements of the American happiness formula? Aside from the eternal indebtedness to the credit card companies, nothing! You sit there wondering why after all this stuff you still feel so desperately empty. In a final act of desperation all you can do is put it all together. So you get into your status symbol on wheels, drive it down to your local Starbucks, set your macBook and iPhone on the counter and let them interface over the distributed wi-fi, only to bring you an up-to-date spreadsheet of how utterly empty your life has become. You would cry out, were you not surrounded by similarly situated individuals all sitting there scouring the net for that inevitable missing piece of the material puzzle. So you dawn your caffeinated smile.

We have unfortunately reached a point of total identity dissolution through means of envy and paid product placement. Looking at our friends in the department store mirror, we say things like "oh that's so you", and after a while, guess what: it is! But it does not have to be like this. We can be happy with less on the outside if we begin enriching ourselves from the inside. Grow as individuals. Learn more, consume less. Find fulfillment in the things we do rather than the things we brandish in front of our co-workers in a pathetic plea for envy. Lets define ourselves for who we really are. It's easy, I'll go first: I am an athletic wayfarer with a perpetual thirst for knowledge who takes great delight in a fine cup of tea. Your turn. And please note: if you use the word "homeowner", state your age, career designation, or refer to your employment status, I would thank you to either re-read this article or just navigate back to the Home Shopping Network or something. Thank you.

Materials Referenced:
Hoarding: Trash as Treasure
Hoarding: Learning to Let Go

So, you want to send automated email messages from your PHP application. This can be in direct response to a user's action, such as signing up for your site, or a recurring event at a set time, such as a monthly newsletter. Sometimes email contains file attachments, both plain text and HTML portions, and so on. To understand how to send each variation that may exist on an email, we will start with the simple example and move to the more complicated.

• Sending a Simple Text Email
• Sending HTML Email
• Sending Email with Attachments

Note that to send email with PHP you need a working email server that you have permission to use: for Unix machines, this is often Sendmail; for Windows machines, you must set the SMTP directive in your php.ini file to point to your email server.

Sending a Simple Text Email

At first let's consider how to send a simple text email messages. PHP includes the mail() function for sending email, which takes three basic and two optional parameters. These parameters are, in order, the email address to send to, the subject of the email, the message to be sent, additional headers you want to include and finally an additional parameter to the Sendmail program. The mail() function returns True if the message is sent successfully and False otherwise. Have a look at the example:

As you can see, it very easy to send an email. You can add more receivers by either adding their addresses, comma separated, to the $to variable, or by adding cc: or bcc: headers. If you don't receive the test mail, you have probably installed PHP incorrectly, or may not have permission to send emails.

Sending HTML Email

The next step is to examine how to send HTML email. However, some mail clients cannot understand HTML emails. Therefore it is best to send any HTML email using a multipart construction, where one part contains a plain-text version of the email and the other part is HTML. If your customers have HTML email turned off, they will still get a nice email, even if they don't get all of the HTML markup. Have a look at the example:

In the preceding example we add one additional header of Content-type:multipart/alternative and boundary string that marks the different areas of the email. Note that the content type of the message itself is sent as a mail header, while the content types of the individual parts of the message are embedded in the message itself. This way, mail clients can decide which part of the message they want to display.

Sending Email with Attachment

The last variation that we will consider is email with attachments. To send an email with attachment we need to use the multipart/mixed MIME type that specifies that mixed types will be included in the email. Moreover, we want to use multipart/alternative MIME type to send both plain-text and HTML version of the email. Have a look at the example:

As you can see, sending an email with attachment is easy to accomplish. In the preceding example we have multipart/mixed MIME type, and inside it we have multipart/alternative MIME type that specifies two versions of the email. To include an attachment to our message, we read the data from the specified file into a string, encode it with base64, split it in smaller chunks to make sure that it matches the MIME specifications and then include it as an attachment.

The river is made of your fears and attachments: anger, jealousy, despair, desire for success, power, desire for sex, desire to be what you are not, to have what you don't.

Once you start meditating, the rest of your life is spent trying to reach out for your drowning self.

You offer the helping hand that, if you are lucky, one day you'll manage to grasp, to cling to, hard enough to be able to pull yourself out of the water. And come to sit next to you on the bank, silently watching the river, as if for the first time, and the world that lives around it.

As I walked out of the train this morning I saw sticker pasted on the floor with slogan "CURE" on it. It struck a chord with me. Isn't this what everyone is looking for; a cure?

    I also brought back memories of the rock band of the same name. From memory they always wore black and seem to have a 'gothic' touch to them. All the gothic bands seem to me to be one step closer to reality (the way things really are) than the other bands out there, which probably explains their success and also being perceived as putting out a 'deeper' message than the others. They are one step closer to reality in the sense that their lives, outlook, ideas and even the way the dress, seem to be steeped in dukkha (suffering/stress/unsatisfactoriness). However they seem to be very much attached to their dukkha and even seem to identify with it, rather than trying to find a way out of it.

    Fortunately for those in the know (namely Buddhists :) ) are aware of the real cure for dukkha, as shown by the Lord Buddha more than 2550 years ago, namely the Noble Eightfold Path.

See Also

• http://www.vihara.org.au/go?to=fourtruths
• http://www.accesstoinsight.org/index-subject.html#fourtruths
• http://www.vihara.org.au/go?to=noblepath
• http://www.accesstoinsight.org/index-subject.html#eightfold

We really indulged ourselves in the yummy food. They are so generous that they served ratio of one person to one serving. We don't have to share! :)

What a heavy lunch I had. But oh well, at least I'm happy! :D