I didn't know Andrea except through her blog. It doesn't matter, though. I still sit here posting through my tears at the untimely departure of a sister and friend. Her writing was honest and raw. Full of grace and praise when there could easily have been rancor and spite. She made me, in the words of Jack Nicholson, want to be a better person.

Say a special prayer tonight for our friend Andrea, Punk Rock Mommy, and her family. The blogosphere has dimmed a bit with her passing.

Good-bye, Andrea, until we meet in Heaven.

Es temprano. Dos personas se encuentran. Se saludan. "Buenos días. ¿Qué tal?", le pregunta uno. "Bien. ¿Y tú?", le contesta el otro. Aquí tenemos las primeras mentiras del día. Sí, porque es muy posible que estas dos personas se lleven mal. Que a una no le importe en absoluto saber cómo le va la vida a su interlocutor y menos aún desearle un día estupendo. La buena educación, el saber estar, nos aconsejan que en ciertas circunstancias es mejor no decir la verdad.

Para ser precisos, estas no son mentiras en sentido estricto. No hay fraude, no hay engaño. En este diálogo, los protagonistas saben que son frases que se dicen por decir, aceptadas por la mayoría como herramienta de convivencia. Lo dijo Oscar Wilde: "Quien dijo la primera mentira fundó la sociedad civil". Como alternativa, podrían comportarse como el Misántropo de Molière: ser importunos, ofensivos o crueles con frases del tipo "Qué gordo estás". Hay cosas que en sociedad no está bien decir. Mejor fingir. Es lo que el poeta barroco napolitano Torquato Accetto llamaba "disimulación honesta".

Son muchas las situaciones en las que ocultamos la verdad. Más a menudo de lo que imaginamos. Ignacio Mendiola, sociólogo profesor de la Universidad del País Vasco y autor del libro Elogio de la mentira (Lengua de Trapo ed.) recuerda: "Se trata de una practica cotidiana. Lo queramos o no. Pese a la condena moral, es un hecho incuestionable. Lo necesitamos para vivir. Es imprescindible. Siempre hay un elemento de fi cción cuando contamos la realidad a alguien. La mentira, de alguna manera, es un refugio y un lubricante de las relaciones humanas".

Según una encuesta llevada a cabo por el rotativo británico Daily Mail,con un promedio de cuatro por día, serían unas 100.000 las mentiras que pronunciaremos a lo largo de nuestra vida.

¿Por qué no decimos la verdad? Se miente para eludir responsabilidades, para obtener cierto placer, ya que el mentiroso se siente más listo que los demás; por inseguridad y desconfi anza en nuestra capacidad de ser aceptados como somos; para evitar un castigo; para acercarnos a nuestro interlocutor; para sentir que controlamos la situación. Desde un punto de vista fi siológico, correr cierto riesgo de ser descubierto favorece la aparición de adrenalina (y un subidón por no tener que afrontar la situación que se ha evitado con la mentira). Asimismo, se produce un cambio del tono de voz, dilatación de las pupilas, se tiende a evitar la mirada de la persona que tenemos en frente, el cuerpo se vuelve algo más rígido.

El psicólogo de la Universidad de Massachusetts Robert Feldman cree que la mentira está relacionada con la falta de autoconfianza. "En cuanto la gente ve su autoestima amenazada, empieza a ocultar la verdad". Su estudio comprobó que el 60% de los encuestados mintió por lo menos una vez en una conversación de diez minutos. "El problema es que queremos mantener una imagen de nosotros mismos que encaje con la que los otros quisieran que tuviéramos. Queremos gustar", apunta. "Una de las claves es la tendencia a centrarse en el corto plazo. El mentiroso salva su propia imagen en ese momento, pese a que el engaño pueda ser destapado el futuro", alerta Jennifer Argo, de la Unversidad de Albert. Por supuesto, hay los que se jactan de no mentir nunca. Por ética, pero también por miedo, por pereza (hay que saber gestionar una mentira en el tiempo), por orgullo (los que presumen de ser honestos). Pero decir una mentira no es necesariamente una prueba de debilidad, sino todo lo contrario. Sin la posibilidad de mentir la humanidad no hubiera nunca conocido la cultura, que es en cierto modo una forma de no resignación a la realidad. Andrea Tagliacarne, profesor de Filosofía de la Universidad San Raffaele de Milán y autor del libro Filosofia della bugia (Mondadori ed.) [ Filosofía de la mentira]: recuerda que "para mentir se precisa inteligencia. De entrada, supone el conocimiento de la verdad. Luego, la mentira tiene una estructura más compleja, de tipo teatral. Supone entender la expectativa de quien la escucha, entrar en la mente del interlocutor". En este sentido, el mentiroso no sólo es un expositor de hechos, sino un creador. Mentira viene del latín mens, mente.

Son numerosos los intelectuales que han defendido la mentira. Para Platón, "mentir de forma consciente y voluntariamente tiene más valor que decir la verdad de forma involuntaria". Los griegos elogiaban los mentirosos: Ulises fue incluso alabado por los dioses por ello. Maquiavelo sostenía que la mentira era legítima para fi nes políticos. Leo Strauss hizo hincapié en la necesidad de mentir para defender una posición estratégica o ayudar a la diplomacia. Y Nietzsche sostenía que el intelecto, como medio de conservación del individuo, despliega sus fuerzas en la fi cción. La literatura, de alguna manera, también es una mentira. El escritor Javier Marías en una ocasión subrayó la "imposibilidad de contar nada acaecido, real de manera absolutamente segura, veraz, objetiva, completa y defi nitiva".

De hecho, las investigaciones científicas confi rman que mentir supone un esfuerzo creativo. Un estudio de la Facultad de Medicina de la Universidad de Pensilvania, dirigido por el profesor Daniel Langleben gracias a la resonancia magnética funcional (fRMI), ha demostrado que el cerebro siempre está listo para decir la verdad y que para mentir precisa organizarse. Nuestra materia gris tiene que hacer un trabajo extra cuando va a engañar: se activan zonas del córtex frontal (que desempeñan un papel en la atención y concentración), además de otra área del cerebro responsable de vigilar posibles errores.

Hay circunstancias en las que mentir es tolerado por la comunidad. Como si la sociedad apreciara este esfuerzo. Pongamos el caso del vendedor de coches: para promocionar su vehículo, exagerará algunas virtudes del producto. Pero no hay obligación legal de decir exactamente la verdad (lo mismo ocurre con la publicidad), salvo los casos manifi estos de fraude. Hasta se podría decir que quien sabe mentir mejor es el que tendrá más éxito, porque conseguirá que se lleve a cabo la venta.

Hay veces en que no decir la verdad no sólo no está mal visto, sino que es aconsejable. Algunas mentiras preservan nuestra intimidad, del dolor, e incluso de la muerte. Son las mentiras blancas. En ciertas circunstancias, fuera del ámbito ético, la mentira tiene que valorarse en lo que es útil y ventajoso para la vida. Por ejemplo, cuando un individuo esconde en casa a un fugitivo objeto de persecuciones raciales. O cuando se oculta a una persona a punto de morir una trágica noticia sobre un pariente. Es emblemático Roberto Benigni en la película La vida es bella:miente a su hijo pequeño sobre la realidad del campo de concentración al contarle que se trata de un juego. "En estos casos la persona no está en condiciones de decir la verdad, que resultaría insoportable de escuchar para el otro", dice Maria Bettetini, autora del libro Breve historia de la mentira(Cátedra Ed.). Este dilema moral ha dado lugar a un amplio debate. Algunos pensadores de la edad media sostenían que incluso en estos ejemplos extremos habría que callarse, hacer como si no entendiéramos, recurrir a la astucia. Kant decía que hay que decir siempre la verdad, por miedo a romper el consenso social. Pero a partir del siglo XIX empezó a verse la mentira como mal menor. "Cuando se traiciona la realidad, es porque uno se ve capaz de aguantar este peso. Sólo confi esan los que ya no pueden vivir con este secreto" dice Bettetini. Paradójicamente, en estos casos, decir la verdad se convierte en una muestra de debilidad.

Y por supuesto, mentimos por amor. Como canta Joaquin Sabina: "Y así fue como aprendí que en historias de dos conviene a veces mentir, que ciertos engaños son narcóticos contra el mal de amor". Signifi cativo también es lo que ocurre en el cuento de Quim Monzó Con el corazón en la mano,donde una pareja se jura sinceridad para siempre. Justo después, al entablar la primera conversación, ven que es imposible y acaban dejando la relación al cabo de unos minutos.

Pero es cierto que no decir la verdad conlleva consecuencias. Según el psicólogo clínico del Centro Ramon Llull de Zaragoza José Luis Catalán, "la mentira tiene un efecto colateral, siempre. Las relaciones personales empiezan a envenenarse". En particular, cuando el mentiroso se convierte en compulsivo empiezan los problemas. "Vive un trastorno de ansiedad. Cuantas más mentiras, más ansias. Como el cleptómano que roba sin necesidad, los que padecen esta patología no dicen la verdad por hábito. El enfermo ya no es capaz de distinguir la realidad". Cita casos que ha tratado, como un hombre que se casó decenas de veces por el dinero de sus esposas. "Para mentir tanto y que no se note hay que hacer lo mismo que un actor que representa a un personaje y quiere resultar creíble, hasta el punto de que se confunde y se olvida de quién es realmente", afi rma este psicólogo. Cuando la costumbre a mentir acaba en patología, la distinción entre realidad y mentira se diluye. El mentiroso acaba creyéndose sus delirios. Como el Valmont en Las amistades peligrosas,que de tanto fi ngir estar enamorado, se enamora de verdad. En el peor de los casos, los recuerdos incluso empiezan a fallar y engañan: es la memoria falsa. Uno empieza a creer que las cosas fueron como las contó y no como ocurrieron. Como explica Tagliapietra, "quien tiene poca memoria se olvida de la verdad, pero nunca de las mentiras". Esta es la pura verdad.

It's one thing to be learning about India through words and numbers, and another to see for ourselves what India truly is like.

Even after knowing that 70 percent of India's population live in the rural areas and are mostly farmers, it was a sight to see the miles and miles of farmland that stretched on for eternity, to feel the breath of the cows on your hand, and to talk to the farmers for whom agriculture makes up the world.

But more than the sights, sounds and smells (or the lack of), the rural people and their warm hospitality were what made the trip so amazing for us - I've never encountered anyone who would shout "come on!" across a distance the length of a few soccer fields, beckoning us to follow him into his house, just to come out a few minutes later with a plate full of jackfruits.

The Four Million Smiles campaign we had a few years back seems ludicrous now, in comparison to the villagers so freely gave during our trip. Maybe, like what Serene said, turning to farming will make us better people.

One thing I know for sure - if I ever have a farm, I'll make sure it doesn't have holes on the ground, just so that it is a little more Peiqi-friendly. haha.

Don't say cheese. Say areca nut.

Posted By: Andrea N.

Happy Birthday, America!

This is one of my photos from our trip to North Carolina last week. We partly went thinking we might like to move there someday . . . just checked out some cute little towns in the western part of the state. But, of course, I took my camera along. Many of the images will be useful to sell as stock, so perhaps I can get away with writing off the trip ;-).

Anyway . . . to find pictures of North Carolina, click here:
http://andreanay.zenfolio.com/p748411411/?photo=h04275059#69685337

For the few I took in Tennessee on the way to/fro, click here:
http://andreanay.zenfolio.com/p833923566/?photo=h2B52B255#726839893

Enjoy your holiday weekend!

P.S. Nope, no pictures of me! It usually turns out that way, as I'm so much more comfortable *behind* the lens.

And He said to them, "It is written, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer' (Matthew 21:13a)

Every Wednesday night, our church holds its weekly prayer meeting. It is an encouraging, refreshing, relaxing time. We share prayer requests, pray for one another, sing hymns, and offer praise reports about how God has answered our prayers, met our needs, and blessed us and those we love.

Since the prayer meeting starts at 8:00 pm, well after Sweet Pea and Sugar Plum have been put to bed, JT and I cannot go to the meeting together. So that we each have an opportunity to attend a couple times a month, we take turns going to prayer meeting. Last night was my turn to go.

I was very thankful to get to last night’s meeting as I really needed some prayer. I was tired after spending the majority of day running various errands to prepare for our 4th of July barbecue and my patience was short. Yesterday, the girls were feeling particularly “emotional” by the end of the day and concluded the day with a ferocious battle with me over dinner and baths. I practically ran into the church last night in search of relief!

Toward the end of the prayer meeting, my friend Audrey stood and offered us some marvelous words of encouragement. She reminded us that God hears the prayers of those who have a true relationship with Him and that those prayers are extremely powerful (James 5:16). Audrey encouraged us to continue praying for one another and pointed out that our church is full of prayerful, gifted members involved in a variety of church ministries, all designed to give us the support we need.

Thankfully, the day I had yesterday is atypical. However, when those days come, it’s comforting to know that I have friends and family who pray for me and my family daily. It’s also a blessing to step into my own church, a house of prayer, and find the emotional and spiritual support I need.

Do you have a church that can offer you that type of love and support? If so, continue to go and grow there. If not, I encourage you to pray about it. I know God will lead you to a church that will meet your needs and allow you to use the gifts He has given you!

Photo: Courtesy of Wonderlane

IMGP5943, originally uploaded by Andrea Nay.

POSTED BY:  ANDREA N.

I promise to put the rest of my trip pictures in an online gallery soon, but here's a sneak peek for now.  Mom and I visited lots of cute little towns in Western North Carolina last week.  One was Saluda, south of Asheville.  It's population is 500, and the entire county can proudly boast there's no WalMart.  Mom swore she wasn't going to buy anything that day, but then she discovered some seriously cute pillows in a little store in Saluda.  Love the Van Gogh-ish painting on the window as well! 

{The bed was built by Brad's dad when Brad was 3.  The built in dresser underneath is great!}

{He's got Hobbes; what more could he need?}

{The undefined wall.  I want the shelves/bookcase to go on this wall.  The dresser doesn't need to be in the room because it's full of stuff that Nate doesn't need to get into (scrapbooking stuff, quilting materials, extra sheets, etc.).  Unfortunately, there's really no where else for it to go right now.}

I am also getting the privilege to help with the baptism brunch tomorrow immediately following the Sunday morning services. I will be baptizing a work associate and friend of Andrea's tomorrow that just recently gave her life to Christ. Tania is a great friend of Andrea and I and I feel blessed to be a part of her new walk with Christ.

Well that's it for the end of the week update. I need to go pick up my beautiful wife who I took to work today. It's always great to spend as much time with my wife as I can. I love her "to infinity and beyond". :-)

See you tomorrow C3!

The wall street journal is reporting that the Democrat party is have problems with their "greenest convention ever."

The Democrat hosting committee was hoping to achieve such things as organic hats and fanny packs made in the USA with union labor. They are unable to find a manufacturers of organic materials with a union labor force. It is reported that Bob Masse, convention merchandiser, said about finding organic unionized labor, "That just doesn't exist."

Imagine no unions in the organic movement, why aren't those good those good liberals using unions?

Now the blame for not being able to met the challenge is starting. The statement made by Denver Democrat Mayor John Hickenlooper challenging the convention to be the "greenest convention in the history of the planet." This from the Mayor that needs more than $18 Million extra tax dollars to keep the Denver mass transit system running this year. Article here.

In response environmental activist Andrea Robinson to the post of Director of Greening. Her response to this challenge, "That terrifies me!"

Ms. Robinson is actually testing the biodegradable balloons in her compose pile. She states that they have not degraded yet but she will add more water and more time to see if that will help.

Robinson has hired a Carbon Adviser responsible for calculating the "carbon foot print," counting everything from the air travel to the coffee ups. They will use carbon offsets to feel good about themselves. Al Gore should like taking their money for his carbon offset hedge fund.

Robinson is creating a 900 member "trash brigade" to monitor all trash disposal areas to make sure everyone is separating the trash properly. Then the trash will be checked piece by piece once more before it leaves the convention.

The food for the convention is also under fire. There will not be any fried foods. Each meal will include, "at least three of the following colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white."

The Democrat party is hoping to create lasting good habits. I thought the liberals already lived a perfect green life? Mayor Hickenlooper hopes that people will see this as "the new patriotism."

The "green team" has scaled back their hopes already by saying only 85% of refuse will be recycled and only 70% of the produce be organic and locally grown. They have already cut Colorado wines and beer. The wine because of inferior taste and beer because "its Coors." The Coors bottling company in Golden Colorado has family members in politics that are Republican and have used non-union labor in the past. This despite the donation of biofuel made from beer giant to run the conventions flex-fuel vehicles.

The bottom line is that if the balloons don't degrade they will still be used and the fanny packs and hats still purchased. This proves that despite the Democrat party lecturing the people of the United States of America that they should be green or harbor guilt even though they cannot do it themselves. This is because the technology is not economically viable to use or this "challenge" would be able to be achieved.

Although there were a few times when I didn't think Nate and I would make it for so many days, we did pretty well.  Nate would frequently remind me, "daddy airpane" just in case I forgot.  I didn't figure he'd understand much about where daddy was going or what he was doing.  The joy in his voice was unmistakable Wednesday morning when he saw Brad walk into his room.  When Brad was walking out to head to work today, Nate looked at me and said, "daddy airpane".  Not this time!

- "Andreea, ai legătura...

-"Mulțumesc, Cătălin, continuăm stirile...

Andrea către Neti Sandu aflată în studio

" Neti, spune-ne despre astre, ele zic de bine, întotdeauna.. si Cătălin, cum îi e felu' ne-a dărâmat."

Asa ceva e posibil, cu legea asta? Cu mâna stângă bag un rahat si dreapta îmi e plină cu trufe. Oare ce rezultă?Normal România, ce bou sunt...

Io potrei dire "Andrea, ho sentito Andrea, gli ho chiesto se Andrea viene, mi ha detto di no, ma Andrea dovrebbe esserci, mentre di Andrea nulla so", e fare riferimento ogni volta a persone diverse, roba che manco una Bene Gesserit quando ricorre al potere della Voce.

Se avessi milioni di lettori non sarebbe significativo, invece rimangono fuori pochissime persone dalla regola dell'Andrea.

also, in regards to art schools, my friend leah got into SCAD and will be visiting the place next week (despite that we both know she will, undoubtably, attend). she has invited me to go with her (which i would kill to do), but i need some dollars to put in my bank account, for paying bills and for the ungodly expensive staple of my life: gasoline (which has ruled my "fun travel outside of benton" schedule for about a month now). depressing.

i have been terribly stressed out for a while and need to see if that has anything to do with my recent weight gain. i wish to add to this, but my boss needs me now (i am at work, as usual). we know how that plan worked out the last time, though.

edit: helpthehoneybees.com is the häagen-dazs charity focused on saving the fast-disappearing honey bees that help pollenate (almost) everything in our ecosystem. i intend on sporting one of those fantastic shirts soon.

As anybody who has visited this website knows by now, these blog contributors are a bunch of incredible moms.  We each have very different stories to tell - different cancer, different treatment, different prognosis, different stages of parenting.  But we all have the commonality of an insidious, life-threatening disease.

I've always considered myself a minimalist.  What I mean by that is I tend to minimize my situation.  I always know there is someone worse off than I am.  How can I complain about running out of hot water in the shower when there are millions of people without clean water to even drink?  How can I complain about my dry, overcooked chicken when there are millions of people without food every day?  How can I complain about having cancer when there are thousands of women with much worse prognoses than me?  But I do complain.  About the cold water, about the less than tasty dinner, and about my woes as a cancer patient and survivor.  And sometimes I feel guilty.

I read Andrea's latest post today and it broke my heart.  I don't know her, but I see such a gentle spirit and such a graceful soul when I read her posts.  And such bravery!  She truly sees the end of her mortal life and she's okay with it.  Those around her - not as much.  I've always thought I'm not afraid to die, but I didn't want to hurt those who love me.  That's always been a thought or a concept, but for Andrea it's become a reality.  How can I lament what I've been through when she's going through the worst case scenario right now?

And yet what I've been through was hard.  I've had a lot of residual issues since completing two rounds of chemotherapy in November of 2005.  I've had inexplicable rashes and blisters; insane estrogen levels resulting in painful Zoladex injections and ultimately a total hysterectomy; a 40 pound weight gain due to chemo steroids, high dose steroids for the rashes, the Zoladex - which all worked to give me munchies to rival a Cheech and Chong doobie bender - and the changes in metabolism from a hysterectomy.  I've had the pleasure of going through menopause not once, but twice.  My tongue swells up every time my white count gets too low, which is still a fairly regular occurrence, and I occasionally get thrush from that.  I have considerable stiffness in my joints and muscles - a common side effect of the Taxotere I was given.  My oncologist told me it could last up to five years after my last treatment.  Then she said it may never go away.  And just last night I wistfully wished I could lay sprawled on my stomach like I used to, but since the reconstruction it's just too uncomfortable.

It all sounds so petty and ridiculous when up against a real life and death situation.  But I've learned it's all relative.  Just like with my kids.  They're good kids, but they're still kids.  On the one hand I'm thrilled they're not getting into trouble and drinking or smoking or robbing convenience stores.  On the other hand getting an "F" in high school band is totally unacceptable.  I mean, if you're going to get an "F" get it in something like calculus, not band for cryin' out loud!  Especially if you're a fairly accomplished musician.  Know what I'm sayin'?  (I am happy to say he brought it up to a final grade of B.  Lucky for him!)

I don't say that to minimize the harsher realities of cancer and recurrence and mets.  However difficult my life has been made from cancer, there are others whose lives I can't begin to imagine.  But the fact remains my life has been forever altered because of the cancer.  While some of the changes may possibly be reversed, others are permanent - my new normal. 

The lives of my husband and my children have been changed forever as well.  They have a comparatively healthy wife and mom, but there was a loss of innocence that they'll never get back.  There's now the knowledge that it really can happen to us.  Are the rashes a type of cancer?  Is the excessive bleeding due to cancer?  Is the high estrogen level an indication of cancer?  Every time something new and strange comes up that's everyone's first thought.  Most of the time unspoken, but it's there.

The intent of this post is not to say, "See!  I deserve sympathy, too!"  I'm past the rough stuff and it's time to make my experience count for something.  I guess what I'm trying to get across is that if you are dealing with cancer of any kind but have a great prognosis, don't minimize it.  It is your reality right now.  You can pretty much be assured that somebody somewhere is going through something much worse.  But that doesn't make what you're going through easy.  Get sad, get mad, cry, whine, let people take care of you.  Then do the best you can.  But know you'll go through the emotions again.  And that's okay.

Susan Reynolds is healing after her recent surgery, although she's not sure she'd do reconstruction again. We wish you quick and easy healing, Susan.

Welcome to two of our newest writers at Mothers With Cancer, Throws Like a Girl and Jill, of Reconstruct This. We look forward to hearing more of what you have to say!

Here's an interesting look at the value of communication when a family member is diagnosed with cancer.

Our friend Talking Budgie let us know about a sad passing of one of our Australian sisters last night. In her words:

One of Australia’s most wonderful breast cancer advocates and fundraisers passed away over the weekend. Jane McGrath set up a foundation which notably raised money for the placement of breast care nurses in rural and regional Australia - ensuring the care of those in remote locations.

I thought she should be acknowledged here. She did so much for breast cancer awareness in Australia. http://www.mcgrathfoundation.com

And now, a bit of fun news. We have several friends of MWC who would like to write guest posts for us. First up is an expert on helping children who have parents with cancer. Are there any burning questions that you'd like to ask her? If so, leave them here and we'll conduct and publish a full interview next week. We also have interest from a chemo nurse willing to talk about the process or the emotions from her perspective ... any questions for her? And lastly, I'd like to open up the floor to any visitors here who have questions for the moms. Do you want to know more about living with metastatic cancer? What about life after earlier stage cancer is treated and declared in remission? What's remission all about, anyway? Leave your questions here and we'll set up some posts!