So whaddya think it is? What’s number one on Cosmo’s list of orgasm essentials? Go on, guess! Try! What have you got? A pair of cuffs? Some filthy porn? A ten-inch vibe?

Nope. It's ...

an ostrich feather.

For real! An ostrich feather! This is how women climaxed ten years ago. There are eight items in the kit-list, plus an additional eight for ‘If you’re feeling particularly sexy …’ One of these additional items is ‘bright red lipstick (go glam)’.

So, yeah, it’s Cosmo, it’s mainstream, it’s a decade old. But really, if you’ve ever come from an ostrich orgasm while wearing red lippy, please tell me about it. Other than that, I’ll give a prize of something hot from my top shelf to anyone who can guess two more items from Cosmo’s list of 16 – excluding a vibrator (which is no. 5 on their list! Five!) and massage oil (no. 3). I’ll even throw in the booklet. (‘You’ll come and come and come again!’)

What’s that you say? Scented candles? Nope, they forgot that. An electro stim starter pack? Umm, let me check.

In other news, I got word that a story of mine, Boot Camp, has been selected for Maxim Jakubowksi’s Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica 8 (published Jan 2009). Hurrah! Boot Camp, recently described by Forum magazine as 'wonderfully original', first appeared in Alison Tyler’s F is for Fetish. The story's about a woman who gets off on polishing dirty army boots. Interestingly, among my earthquake cobwebs, I also found the very first Wicked Words anthology from Black Lace which includes my story, The Western Whore. It’s about a woman being subjected to an army-boy gang rape. (It’s consensual! Don't fret!) So, hmmm, maybe I kink for army boys. And maybe those decades can be quite small after all.

Also in the joy department, I had a short accepted for Black Lace’s forthcoming vampire anthology, Lust at First Bite. The story’s called The Funhouse is Closed Mondays and centres on Simeon and Suzanne, two characters from my Lust Bites vamp novella, The Vampire’s Heart. Simeon and Suzanne, last seen in the Arctic, are now living in a derelict ghost train on Coney Island. This will be published in about 10 million years time. OK, November 2008 in the UK.

And, because I’m not here very often, let me also tell you I sold a story to Alison Tyler for her Sex and Coffee anthology from Pretty Things Press. This is my first PTP publication so I’m super-thrilled. This is actually 10 gazillion years away from being published but that’s fine. I'm being premature today.

So go on, take a guess. We've got vibe, oil, lipstick, feather. What else?

Alison

So, what do you have to do to play? I want to know what you find sexy right now, right at this very moment. You can give me one thing, or a list of your current favorites. Give me something juicy, something way out there, something dark and dangerous, something that turns your head so hard you can't breathe. Something no one else has ever thought of. (Anonymous posts are fine; just give me some kind of name so I know how to find you if you win)

I'll start, just to play fair. My list for this morning, as I write from the coffee shop (and, yeah, this is just for this morning. It'll change before lunch, I promise):

• The barista who serves my coffee wearing rings that look like they could hurt, just a little bit, if used properly.
• A recent memory of sipping gin and tonics in a vintage-style hotel-type bar with an old friend and, in the midst of conversation, being able to throw around the words tied up, flogging, parallel universes, pole dancing, fire jumping, travel and what it means to be a sensual, sexual being for our whole lives.
  
• The way the rain outside the window jumps back up off the pavement when it falls hard enough. The way the flowers bend their heads to the ground beneath the pressure of the water, the way they submit quietly and don't lose their beauty in the dirt.
• My small, pale wrists slipping out from the dark brown sleeves of my shirt as I type this.
• The woman who steps off the bus in her pink poodle-style skirt and '50s heels, the black and red snake tattoo that spirals up her ankle and calf.
• The white man on the walk sign, that stride that says, "I've some place to be, but I'll get there when I get there." The red hand that flashes on after him, saying "danger." Saying "stop." The fact that I'm going to ignore the warning, as I always do.
• The curves of the letters as they appear on my screen. S and P and little a. The way a J looks like a whip and R seems like it's stepping toward me. How if you turn B on its back, it begs. How rigid H is, and what it makes me wish I could teach him, just so he'd loosen up and have some fun. How Y is open, and O is just the way it looks and sounds. O. Oh. Oh.

Your turn. Tell me. You know you want to...

Well, not actually, technically me but the narrator in Boot Camp, my story in Alison Tyler's F is for Fetish which has just received a fabulous review on Alt.com.

Pop over to Alison's blog to read the full review of this 'anthology of startlingly original and hot stories'. And for a sexy excerpt from Boot Camp, check out Alison's latest posting on Trollop Salon where I am Mouth of the Month or something like that.

Don't you just love that picture of Becks? It's everything an image shouldn't be - all that crap and clutter in the background, all those confusing reflections and tilting lines. And yet, ahhhh, it is perfect. I love Becks when he's got that suburban aesthetic going on. He looks so cheap and rough and dumb, and so very, very hot. And he is wearing filthy army boots.

Hurry on over and join in the fun, won't you?

There'll be more from me during the rest of April (it is the cruellest month) and at the end there will be magnificent prizes!

Thank you, Alison!

The picture you see above is of my boyfriend, reading one of my books and waiting for me to come home so he can handcuff me to the ... Okay, okay, it's of Derrick Pierce from kink.com, proof that there is such a thing as a het male porn star who doesn't look as if he's been hit in the face with a spade.

Ah, that there were more like him.

I'm thrilled and ever so slightly nervous. Today Alison declared this was Kristina Lloyd Month over on Trollop Salon, the place where all the cool kids hang out talking books, smut and prettiness.

A month! That's quite a lot of me.

If you're not already, I hope you'll become a regular at Alison's super-smoochy salon.

Discover what my best time is for writing and what happens for me when I write. Stay tuned for the low-down on my ideal man, the colour of my bedsheets and my inner voices. There'll be sexy excerpts from my smut and Alison will be giving away goodies, including a signed copy of my latest novel, Split.

So take a stroll over there. The lights are low, we're drinking pastis and it feels like we have all the time in the world. Cheers everybody! Here's to sex and decadence.

Editing is hard too, although in a much different way. You have to edit the story and then you have to help the author understand why those edits matter, ideally in a way that will help them became a better writer. You have to put your ego on the shelf and let the story rule. You have to be able to communicate, clearly and efficiently, and you have to know which edits are big stones and which are little pebbles that you should just drop on the ground.

And that's just the story work. That doesn't take into account the business side of writing or editing. That's a whole different beast, surely. Alison Tyler riffs on both sides of the desk a bit this weekend, with her posts on her Editor's Rant and her Writer's Bill of Rights. I have to say, I think she's spot-on. I've also talked about these topics a bit in the past in my Erotic Author's columns, Just Submit Already and "Sorry, Wrong Hole!"

Truly, like any art, craft or business, the writing and editing stuff is something that has to be learned--usually by making big, whopping mistakes (hell, I've made lots and lots). But it can be learned, and so much of it is just about all the other ways you might consider living your life: with an open mind, a big heart, enough ego to ask for what matters and let go of what doesn't, and a healthy sense of humor about it all...

So, what shall we give away this month, ladies and gentlemen? How about, in the honor of it being St. Patty's Day in the next few weeks, I offer up a signed copy of J is for Jealousy? This beautiful book is part of Alison Tyler's Amazing Alphabet Series (yes, you say it just like that, all in caps) and it includes green-eyed stories by writers like Nikki Magennis, Cheyenne Blue, Thomas S. Roche, Erastes, Gwen Masters, Jeremy Edwards, Kristina Lloyd and many, many more kick-ass authors.

Want it? You know you do...and just think how very, very cat-scratching jealous you'll feel if someone else wins. So, post a comment below and maybe you will get very, very lucky this month...

Open For Business

There are a number of other things--some of them seriously big--that are "yesses" that I cant...won't...speak about. Seriously, if those yesses were dollars, they'd be burning holes in my pockets. Still, I will not spend them. I won't take the risk. I'll just walk around with my Cheshire Grin so that people will think that I just had really, really hot sex. Which, in my book, is equal to a really, really big yes anyway.

However, here's something I can brag about. Signed, sealed and delivered. My story, "And Serpent Became Rod," has been accepted for Best Gay Bondage Erotica, edited by Richard Labonte. I don't have the TOC or anything yet, so I'm not sure who else is in it, but I love the books that Richard puts out, and I'm sure this one is going to be a knock-out.

Here's the blurb from Cleis Press: Intricately secured by ropes, locked in handcuffs, or bound simply by a lover's command, these dangerously explicit stories of restraint will grab you, tie you down, and never let you go. From professionals letting loose their inhibitions on an office retreat to a garden full of earthy 'bound' delights, this cornucopia of kink shows men put in their place and then held there firmly. Featuring some of the masters of gay bondage erotica including Jack Fritscher, Jeff Mann and Larry Townsend.

Yum. Now that's something to brag about!

And, here's news that's even better: Cleis, the publisher of these little gems, is offering a cool contest. You could win all of the first twelve books! Here's the scoop:

Who says word games can't be sexy? The alluring covers of the Erotic Alphabet series cry out for special arrangement on the bookshelf. Show us what you can do! Use the covers of the Erotic Alphabet books to spell words — erotic, sexy, romantic or funny. The most creative entry wins all twelve books in the series published to date.

To qualify, send photos of your word by Friday, February 29, 2008 to this email address: cleis (at) cleispress (dot) com and use "Erotic Alphabet Contest" as your subject line.

Can't wait to see what people come up with. And, check out Jeremy's words if you need a little inspiration! For all the details, visit Cleis Press.

• An acceptance letter from Tattoo Highway--they're going to publish my poem, "My Dad Says Yes to the Drugs," in their upcoming issue.
• Checks for Yes, Sir, which includes my story, "Running Wild," [Update, shoot, wrong book! Ack, sorry Rachel]...I believe it was a check for Sex & Candy [will have to check with my accountant--namely, me, and make sure], as well as for J is for Jealousy and K is for Kinky. Plus a check for my story that's included in Susie Bright's new book X: An Erotic Treasury.
• A chance to write up a celebrity dare Laura Corn's upcoming book.
• Covers for a bunch of delectable books, including the gorgeous Open For Business, edited by Alison Tyler (includes my story, "Scavenger").
• Lastly, I got to see the mock-up of my new logo from the wonderful artist/designer at Lightbourne. Oh my god, I'm joyous! It's gorgeous.

That's everything for now. It's been a good, giddy day...and if I wasn't so tired from spending all day in a plane, I'd be jumping up and down!

Either way, you get the picture (don't you?). So, what did I do this time? I got a smear of Lipstick on Her Collar. I didn't mean it (okay, maybe I did), but there it is, and no matter how much I rub and rub, I can't get it off. But it looks kind of sexy there, don't you think? Like it belongs there, that bit of red, that leave of lip, running along the white? Don't you wonder what I did to put it there?

What I did was puckered up...and then wrote a sexy story of hot lesbians, hard leashes and loyal dogs. The story, called "Dog Day Afternoon," is included in this gorgeous collection, edited by Sacchi Green and Rakelle Valencia. Now, who else is with me? I see lipstick the color of Cheyenne Blue...anyone else?