Yesterday I had two different events that I entertained at.  A Spring Kickoff for a Garden and Nursery and then a First Communion party.  The Spring Kickoff was four hours of balloon twisting followed by an hour break before another two hours.  As I drove to the four hour event I began feeling noxious and knew something wasn't right.  I have never had to take a break mid party and for the first time in eight years, I stopped for a good 10 minutes and walked out to my car to take a breather.  I felt that at any moment a child was going to request for me to make a some sort of balloon creation and I would follow up with a response that began with projectile vomit flying out of my mouth all over the child.  I can promise that I wouldn't be asked back for next years spring kick off, that's for sure.

I fought my way through the event feeling worst than I have ever felt while entertaining.  I don't know if anyone knew it, but I faked fun the whole time.

On to the next party.  It started at six pm and by the time I arrived, the stomach cramps, headaches, and dizziness had taken on a whole new level.  I pushed through it regardless of the fact that at this party the children were actually climbing on me.  Literally climbing on my back and shoulders while I twisted balloons for children.  On one hand I was thankful that they had a couch for me to sit back on since I felt like ass while I twisted balloons, but on the other, it gave the children the impression that I love having them climb on my head as if I were their uncle.

As I left the second party I began to shiver uncontrollably and if the stomach cramps, headache, and cottonmouth didn't alert me to the problem that certainly did.  By the time I had gotten home and taken my temp I was at 102 degrees.  Not that having a temperature is weird for people or anything, but for the first time in my adult life, I had a fever.  Seriously.  I have been sick dozens upon dozens of time, but never a fever.  My wife panicked since she had never seen me with anything above a 98 degree temp.

After a rough night of little sleep and horrific stomach pains, I decided to go ahead and head out to Great America today.  Bad decision.  A word of advice, never ride the Iron Wolf roller coaster while nursing a headache.  For what I thought would be a great day at the park, I ended up riding a couple of rides, picking up my discounted season pass (nerd, I know) and calling it a day.  I don't know if it was the rides today or the fact that I though eating fried chicken, potato salad, and a hot dog was a good idea.

The weirdest part of the last two days is that I am sick of balloons, which doesn't bode well since I am a balloon entertainer.  I don't know if it was the twisting sick thing or if I have hit a wall, but this weekend made me seriously rethink the whole "I want to exclusively be a balloon guy for a living" mentality.

Hopefully that feeling will go away once I feel better since my next night of balloon fun is Tuesday night.

Wednesday night I ended up going to see a cubs game.  I don't know what it is about me and beer, but we have been getting along really well lately.  I overindulged not only Wednesday night at the Cubs game, but overindulged last night during my billiard league, which puts me where I am right now, feeling like garbage from two straight days of no sleep and hangovers. 

I just got a call from the doctor and the skin tag that was removed was malignant.  Whatever that means.  The woman from the doctor that left a message for me sounded like there was ever doubt and had the tone of being a hero for delivering news that should have made me jump from my desk and start doing cartwheels.  I wish I had the time and know how to post the audio because it is really funny to hear this woman build up the tension.  "Hi, this is Debbie from Dr. Meyers office, and we just got the results back from the pathologist where they screened it for skin cancer, melanoma, as well as other skin diseases, and you will be happy to learn that everything came back negative, so you can breath easy knowing that you are fine." 

I guess I shouldn't mock good news.  This message is better than getting something like this: "Hi, this is Debbie from Dr. Meyers office and we just got the results back from the pathologist...could you give us a call back when you have a second?"  That would be scary. 

Great America day is here and I can't wait.  Each year my company rents out Six Flags Great America for one day before it opens for the season.  I can't even begin to imagine how much it costs for us to have the whole park to ourselves.  Once you have experienced Great America without having to wait in any lines for anything, it kind of ruins it for the rest of the year.  This will be the first year that my wife has gone with me and I'm hoping that she can hang. 

The rest of the weekend is full of balloonacy.  Saturday is full of 7 solid hours of balloon entertainment between two events, so I should beat.  www.misterd.balloonhq.com.  I've uploaded some new photos on that site.  I am preparing to enter the realm of balloon attire by representing the balloon industry in a fashion show in a few weekends.  I am excited because this will be my first opportunity to create wearable balloon art. 

Have a great weekend!

I hung out in the kitchen cooking dinner until it was my turn and by the time I was up, the smell had dissipated some.  I hate needles.  More than you could ever imagine.  I am such a wuss when it comes to needles.  Something about sticking a sharp metal object into my vein doesn't do it for me.  I could never be a heroin addict regardless of the high.  I thought I read where they just do a finger prick to draw blood but apparently the amount that we are requesting for insurance required a gallon. (not really, but two big vials felt like a gallon to me) She was nice.  I'll give her that much.

So today I had a doctors appointment where I was to have what I thought was a mole removed from my back.  I thought it was a mole, but it turns out that it was actually a skin tag.  I dare you go google the word skin tag.  Make sure you click on images before you google it though, and you my friend are in for a treat.  I swear, Google images is our generations freak show.

Skin tag, abcess, zit, tumor, skin disease, brown recluse, among many others are words you can google if you have any desire to test the boundaries of your stomach lining. Just don't attempt it after eating.

The removal wasn't so bad.  The skin tag had grown to the size of a raisin on the middle of my back and I knew that when my cats started batting at it thinking that it was a bug meant that it was time to have it removed.  That and the fact that while in Vegas a few weeks ago I caught several children pointing at it and snickering like I didn't know it was there.  My friends had a flicking competition while in the pool to see who could get it the most.  So, goodbye mole...or skin tag.  I bled like I had been shot when the doctor cut it off.  Twice in consecutive days I had a needle stuck in my body and I hope that I don't go three for three.  To treat myself for being a good little sport this evening I bought what I assume is the fattest most disturbing burger on the Red Robin menu.  The Whiskey River burger.  That just screams fatty.  When I was a kid I would ask for a lollipop, but eerily as I age, a nice big fat juicy burger has a better effect than candy on a stick.

Tomorrow night I get to go to my first Cubs game.  Watch for me on TV if you get the game on television.  I will be sitting right next to the guy who created the Fukudometer.  Go Cubbies!

I got about 1/4 of the front dug up. I have some very happy iris that have been there FOREVER and had spread over a large area. So I am trying to hack through tubers and weeds that are tangled around each other to get to the dirt and I wound up hauling a bunch of iris/weed laden sod to the side of the yard. Maybe they will grow there and maybe they will die but I still have only dug up half of them. So if anyone in the area wants some very large white bearded iris, they might bloom for ya this summer (but if not this year, then next year). Just let me know, bring a bucket and I'll show you where I've dumped them. I also have some crocus and daffodils with buds that I really don't wish to disturb, but they will have to get moved when I break out the roundup. I really don't like using stuff like that but I don't know what else to do, it's horribly overgrown. The last two summers I've spent pregnant, and then with a small baby so now I've got baby gardens.

I have also planted some sugar snap peas near the steps to the deck, so I hope they come up nicely and we have peas to snack on. Will's baby pumpkin plants have buds on them already so I'm anxiously waiting to put those out too.

I am already pretty achy so I dread how I will feel tomorrow morning when I wake up. I've got inside stuff to do tomorrow and there is a chance of rain so I'll be able to sit on my fat a** give my body a break!

I have also discovered that Sophie loves to play in the dirt.  And eat it.  And throw it.  When I gave her a bath tonight, it was everywhere - in her hair, up her nose, even in her ears!  She was one dirty baby girl!  Should be a fun summer!

So, this past Monday night, while I was rolling a very full garbage container to the street, we ate it together.  The container hit the ice at an angle and it flew on its side and since I had both hands on the handles it took me down with it causing me to rip things in my back that I never knew could be ripped.  I thought the pain would go away, but it hasn't.  I honestly think that there might be a broken rib or two. 

I shall try and head to the doctor at some point, but with my balloon-party-laden weekend ahead of me I won't have time. 

All of this talk about Ribs make's me crave the McRibb from McDonalds.  Hasn't it been long enough to scrape up all of the excess pork tidbits to give it another run?  I came across a food review where they ranked the top 10 sandwiches in the united states, and I was shocked to see the McRibb one of the top 10.

http://www.esquire.com/features/food-drink/sandwiches 

It's good to see that i'm not the only one.  When I get sad and lonely, I go to www.mcrib.com and watch the dancing McRib sandwiches and dream of the day that I, too can hold one in my hand like the luck SOB that forever dances with the BBQ.  (although I don't know how they hold the sandwich like that since they are messy)  Since I have started this whole healthier lifestyle bit, looking at this sandwich to me is about like staring at porn.

Today is leap day.  I don't understand it.  I know that every four years we get an extra day that we wouldn't have had otherwise.  I found it funny to hear on the radio in my drive to work this morning people calling in whose birthday falls on Feb 29th (leaplings are what I have learned is the technical term for such individuals).  Each caller would call in and say that they are 6 or 7 (really 24 or 28 for those not mathematically inclined) today.  The joke would continue about wanting a pony or tickets to a Hannah Montana concert.  When asked what the 7 year old was doing today, we were met with the "I'm off to work" line.  Bad radio.  You have to love it.  Well, at least this is only something that we have to deal with every four years. 

For a really action packed and educational read, I recommend going to wikipedia and looking up the word leap year.  Mad Leap year props if you make it through the whole thing without being confused or falling asleep. 

22lbs down, 18 to go for my goal prior to March 26th.  I have 27 days left and I am not going to hit the 210 mark as I hoped prior to Vegas. I know that I aimed entirely too high, but even if I hit 30lbs taken off in 2 1/2 months vs the 40lbs, I have won.  The only problem will be not gaining every single pound of it back while I am out there.   I type this while many around me eat free ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery that was brought in by one of our vendors.  I'll just reach for my powdered meal in a huge jug, add a little water, shake, shake, and go on my new unfatty way, thank you very much. 

210's here I come. 

by Celia Fenn

Many people who are going through the Indigo to Crystal shift find that intense fatigue and tiredness are two of the predominant symptoms of their shift. They feel exhausted all the time, and just want to sleep. And when they do sleep, they sleep deeply and do not want to get up.

So, what is happening, and why do we feel this way.

Archangel Michael explains that there are three different processes that cause the fatigue. These are:

• Emotional Body Clearing
• De-toxification of the Physical and Subtle Bodies
• Full Multi-Dimensional Consciousness

Each of these aspects can be handled in a different way.

Emotional Body Clearing

At the beginning of the process, we undergo intense emotional body clearing. This involves clearing the psyche and the subconscious of all old patterns of trauma and self-sabotage.The intensity of this process will depend on how much clearing you have already done in your preparation for ascension. I am a healer, and I helped many people to prepare, but never really found the time to fully complete my own process, so when I hit the transition I experienced intense emotional body processing for several months. The stuff just poured out of my subconscious, and I had weird dreams and anxiety attacks as I battled to process the trauma of my inner child. This kind of trauma release is exhausting! Some people don't fully realize what is happening, as they do most of their releasing through dream work at night. But those who suffer anxiety attacks are often doing this processing during the day.

At this point you may need help to work with letting go of old patterns being held by the Inner Child. This is where you need to really do your Inner Child work. Find a good therapist, do a workshop, or find a good book, but let go of the patterns of your wounded child!

And then understand that while you are doing this clearing you will be exhausted. You have spent most of your life repressing these energies. Processing them is hard work. But worth it! when you are finished you will have cleared your psyche of subconscious patterns of self-sabotage, and will be able to function from a space of complete clarity and purity of intention.

De-Toxification of the Physical and Subtle Bodies

This process of deep cleansing is associated with the processes mentioned above. As the emotions are released, so are all the old mental and physical blocks and patterns that are associated with them. These old "toxic" energies are passed through the subtle bodies and cleared through the physical. In addition, any old toxins that the physical body is holding will be cleared at this time.

This process of cleansing and de-toxification puts considerable strain on the organs of elimination, being the kidneys and the liver. Hence many of you may experience having bags under your eyes, evidence of kidney stress, and digestive disturbances such as heartburn and flatulence, evidence of liver stress. In addition you may experience pains in the joints, which is also a characteristic of detoxification, as excess acids are released from their storage in the body.

In addition, these processes of elimination will also make you feel tired, and you may be prone to headaches - all symptoms of detoxification. That is why you will need to drink lots of clear, clean water and try to eat a healthy diet as far as is possible.

Full Multi-Dimensional Consciousness

This is the most exciting part, and happens throughout the process. It is responsible for the "spaciness" that so many of you are feeling. Archangel Michael asked me to explain this to you in terms of the frequencies of the brain waves. As you enter mutli-dimensional awareness, you expand the range of consciousness that your body can handle and the ways in which it is handled.

The brainwave frequencies are as follows:

• Beta- "normal" waking consciousness
• Alpha - light meditation
• Theta - deep meditation
• Delta - the sleep state or deep hypnosis
• Gamma - rapid eye movement or the deepest state of sleep/hypnosis where operations can be performed without pain

A third-dimensional being functions in the Beta range, and moves into Alpha in states of creativity and prayer. A fifth-dimensional being functions between Beta/Alpha/Theta in the normal waking state.

Your multi-dimensional awareness allows your consciousness to shift in this range, while you are awake!!! But this is what causes "fatigue". Your body has always recognized Theta as a state of deep relaxation prior to sleep, and so when your brain waves shift to Theta it sends you a message to say that you are tired and about to go to sleep! And so because we are conditioned to respond to that cue with tiredness and sleep, we feel that we need to go and sleep.

A sixth-dimensional being in training for full 9D Christ Consciousness will be learning to move through Delta to Gamma in the normal waking state!! Now your body definitely thinks it's asleep!! The trick is to learn to move with these states, without panicking or getting "lost" in a dream-like state. Those of us who are doing this work often feel like we are living in a slow-mo dream world, and this is in fact true. We are living in the dream state in our waking consciousness.

This will take a while to master, but once mastered it is the key to immense creativity and the manifestation of "miracles". In this deep state of consciousness we can literally bend and shape time and matter with pure intention. So, understand that your body is learning to adapt to a different range of brain-wave frequencies.

A Note of Caution

Please be careful when in any of the above states that you are aware of the following:

• Stay Grounded. Work at keeping in your body. Do not take recreational drugs or smoke dope at this time, it will intefere with the natural expansion of consciousness.
• Distinguish between real tiredness and expanded consciousness. Be kind to yourself. If you feel tired - rest. In fact, you will need significant amounts of rest as you pass through this process. if you try to overdo things you will become hyper and will probably crash into exhaustion anyway.
• Be careful. If you are driving a car, concentrate and focus. So many people are having accidents because they are unaware of what happens when their brain shifts frequencies. It is just a matter of being grounded and concentrating. Tell your body and your guidance that for the duration of the journey you need to be able to concentrate fully on what you are doing.
• Relax - it will pass. Soon you will become used to working with these different frequencies. I have begun to have a lot of fun with the dreamy, spacy state, and I am learning to use the creativity that it engenders. I am also learning how to shift frequencies at will. Yes, we are truly becoming Crystal or Christed.

"Put your elbows on the table.." He said.  If you don't know what that means, let me back up and work up to it.

Yesterday started off shitty to begin with.  When taking out the garbage on Monday night, I managed to hit a patch of ice and fell.  The rolling garbage can fell too.  I think I hit the ground harder because the garbage can wasn't whimpering as loud as I was as I rolled it out to the street.  I hurt my back.  I think it might be the worst that my back has ever felt.  Either something is torn or I have punctured a lung.  I can't be certain.  Anytime that I breath or move suddenly I wince in pain.  I would assume that if my lung was punctured, I would really know and I would have gone to the hospital, so I am leaning towards something being torn.  I will give it a few more days. 

So, getting out of bed Tuesday morning and getting dressed was a treat.  I was off to work.  Upon arrival and review of my daily outlook calendar of appointments and conference calls, it shocked me to see that I had a Urologist appointment scheduled for 2:30pm.  Joyous.  I haven't seen one of them in a few years.  I have been having issues that I won't describe here, but I can say that these issues were major in my life 10-12 years ago and I had to have surgery.  Now the issues have slowly crept back into my life which is setting off alarms everywhere now that my wife and I are considering having children. 

My new Urologist isn't very nice.  The nurse asked me all of the standard fare questions as she typed them into the computer in my little room.  After a good 10 minute wait the doctor finally arrived.  He was an older Doctor wearing very eccentric pants and shoes.  Upon arrival, he introduced himself and then sat down at the computer.  He began to type and click the mouse.  I was unable to see the monitor from where I was because there was a privacy screen.  He typed and clicked for a good 7-10 minutes while I sat there in the quiet room.  No questions, no chatter...I honestly felt I was back in my high pressure close the sale days where the first person to talk would lose.  I lost.  I noticed a pamphlet next to the doctor that was covering "No-Needle, No-Scalpel, Vasectomy".  I instantly thought about my friend Toms (www.stupidtom.com) questions regarding this "non-invasive" procedure, and saw my chance to get some answers.  Tom's concern from what I recalled was a question about where the sperm goes.  His answer was very scientific and he discussed how the semen remains the same since that doesn't come from where the sperm cells come from.  The sperm cells get absorbed in the body (he used some fancy term to say that it doesn't cause any problems when absorbed since they are only cells that the body created to begin with...something like protein enzymes or something technical like that.)  But I will type word for word a potential complication as it is stated in the pamphlet:

"Sperm granuloma, a hard, sometimes painful lump about the size of a pea may form as a result of the sperm leaking from the cut vas deferens.  The lump is not dangerous and is almost always resolved by the body in time.  Scrotal support and mild pain relievers are usually all that are needed for symptoms, thought I may suggest other treament."

"Congestion, a sense of pressure caused by sperm in the testes, epididymis, and lower vas deferens, may cause discomfort some 2 to 12 weeks after vasectomy.  Like granuloma, congestion usually resolves itself in time."  

I won't comment on this.  I will let the words speak to each of you in it's own little way.  Back to me and my quiet wait.  I honestly think he was checking email.  Checking email or playing sudoku online.  Maybe even a cross word? 

We finally got down to the tests. Most of everything he said was good news.  I have to do some more testing to be sure, so more will come.  After he began explaining what was going on, he pointed at the table and said, "Put your elbows on the table" as he reached for a tube of jelly.  I can't be certain what happened next because it is all a bit foggy, but I remember him saying something about "not fighting it" and while throwing a box of kleenex at me to "clean myself up".  As I drove away a little tear streamed down my cheek.  (being over dramatic) 

Ok, so there wasn't a tear, but definitely a grimace at what I had just experienced...until...wait for it...BAM, BAM!  Within 5 minutes of having a finger shoved in and around my rectum I hit a pothole that destroyed my two right tires.  It had seriously been  5 minutes since one of the most traumatic events occured in my life until I was now unable to get off the road due to having tires shredded by a three foot long pot hole that had to have been 8-10 inches deep. 

An officer called in for a tow truck since I was actually blocking one of two lanes, and AAA wasn't going to be able to get someone to me for a good 45 minutes to an hour.  My wife picked me up, we followed the tow truck to the auto place and the wife and I continued on to the restaurant in Algonquin where I twisted balloons and she graded papers and did school work for a good two hours. 

...yep, I would say that yesterday sucked something hard.

Let me back up to Friday.  Friday evening my wife and I celebrated Valentines day.  That celebration concluded with two empty bottles of champagne and a killer hangover Saturday morning.  I believe that I drank about one and a half bottles of the bubbly while laughing at a rented movie that had no business being laughed at. (Hot Rod)  I don't care what anyone says, things become a lot funnier when you are drunk. 

Saturday mornings hangover really sucked because my wife and I had to volunteer on the South Side of Chicago for the Greater Chicago Food Depository for four hours.  Not a big deal.  We have done this in the past.  This time we decided to make the hour and fifteen minute drive seperately so I could have guy time with my friends immediately following the good deed of the day.  I have been to the Food depository 4 years now and I thought I knew how to get there.  I googled the depository address.  Here is the link and map that I quickly pulled:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=chicago+food+depository

See that map?  It shows the depository at the intersection of S. Kedzie and S. Archer.  The address even shows 4100 W. 42nd pl Chicago, IL 60632.  So we headed out on our way to this address.

This is not the address.  This is not where it is located.  The strength of my hangover was tripled upon driving around for an hour with my wife following me in a seperate car wondering where in the hell is this place.  I kid you not.  We drove around in circles for an hour.  If you are a fan of Dane Cook, then you will know what I am talking about, but after this stupid goosehunt I wanted to punch a baby.  That's how mad I was.  I called the food depository.  No one answered.  I called information, and they confirmed the 4100 W. 42nd place.  I did a driving directions on my phone and it led me to this exact same place.  Finally I called on my brother in law.  He pulled up the same info as I did.  I instructed him to go to their actual site where he found a different address and instructions.  He got us there.  After more than an hour of driving around like a retard we made it there. 

I enjoy working at the depository.  It gives me a glimpse at what life could be like from a job standpoint if I ended up working in a factory.  It is a brainless job working an assembly line and if I could find a way to make good money doing it, I would.  My job was to close the untaped 26lb food filled cardboard box and push it through the machine that tapes both the bottom and the top to seal everything in.  Cardboard cuts are a bitch.  I have no less than 8 of them as we speak.  We filled and boxed 860 26lb single family boxes of food in four hours time.  The work is rewarding in that you leave knowing that the food you boxed will help feed a family that wouldn't have a change to eat such a meal without the assistance of the food depository. 

On to the rest of the saturday.  The wife and I decided to have lunch and enjoy the city for a bit before I joined my friends. We went to Lalo's Mexican restaurant.  We each ordered a margarita and our server recommended buying a pitcher for 5 dollars more since it was twist the drink.  You don't have to twist my arm.  After the pitcher arrived, it became clear that we had made a horrible decision based on the size of alcoholic beverage.  Two hours later and 3/4 of a pitcher of margaritas in me and I had set the tone for the rest of my Saturday.  The day continued upon meeting up with a friend in the city where I had my first crack at playing the new Nintendo Wii.  I'm not going to describe my Wii experience now, but I could easily dedicate an entirely seperate post to my sheer enjoyment.  I am now actively trying to get one in my possession and any and all recommendations as to how I can obtain one without meeting a scary man in a dark alley with "cash only" would be greatly appreciated. 

We drank while we played.  It was fantastic.  We headed out to meet other friends for dinner at Hop leaf. 

www.hopleaf.com

If you like beer and food, then this is the place for you.  In my drunken stupor, I managed to eat some of the most amazing food ever.  The Messels and Toasted Nueske Ham sandwich just might have hit the top ten in meals of my lifetime. 

After dinner and drinks we went to a different bar to play NTN trivia which is always fun when drunk.  After having a couple in our group threatened to be removed from the bar due to drunkeness, we decided to head to the horseshoe casino in Indiana.  I can't reveal all of the details, but the Saturday debauchery ended when I finally arrived home at 8:30am on Sunday morning. 

I hadn't done an all-nighter in a while and this drunken marathon reminded me why.  I now don't know whether I should look forward to or fear the fact that I will be doing this same thing for five straight days when we head to Vegas in five weeks. 

Head feels somewhat congested, causing some slight ringing in my ears that comes in a low to high wavy undertone...

Been drinking more purified water, which helps lessen food cravings and has created more eliminations with the laxative tea.

Still have the desire to eat. Not craving any specific foods at the moment... My housemate came home with kentucky fried chicken. My first reaction was, "I want some!" (smelled good), but then all I have to do is remember slaughterhouse chickens, kentucky fried cruelty, unhealthy tainted hormone-injected stressed-out toxic meat... Had I actually eaten some I probably would've become very sick.

10:30am

Food cravings have been really intense this morning, even when drinking the lemonade... then i realized that i haven't done a salt water flush in over 2 days! Doing one now...

Some useful information from Peter Glickman at therawfoodsite.com:

"... if you don't drink enough lemonade and water, and if you don't do the salt water flush each morning, you will have mobilized toxins which are not being eliminated. The result is you will feel tired, sick, achy and have cravings."

"...knowing what the detox symptoms are [cravings, tiredness, boredom, etc. ] and knowing they will be gone with the next morning's eliminations."

"[Not] eating or drinking anything else but the lemonade, salt water, herbal laxative tea or mint tea..."

Not that I planned this, mind you, but it's not really my fault.

No, I didn't get the cold I'd been fighting off for the last couple of months. I kinda wish I did have a cold.

It's a little worse than that. I've have the intestinal bug that's been going around at school. I can look forward to about 3 days of feeling like death warmed over with special sauce, nausea (which is why I'm awake now), fatigue, diarrhea, and flu like achiness. I'll be sleeping a lot probably, and any birthday stuff will have to wait.

I didn't want to be sick for my birthday. Now that I think about it, I've probably been feeling out of sorts this week because of this. Lovely. Just. Ducky.

And, I didn't want to encroach on Amalia's birthday, which is in ten days. She'll be 9, and that's kind of a big deal. Much more of a big deal than me being 44.

Homework, on the other hand, waits for no one. So I'll be doing that this weekend, sick or no.

I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep. Nite all...

That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

The theme of this past weekend was balloons.  I managed to make perhaps the greatest balloon sculptures yet to date in my life as a balloon twister.  A 5 foot long Lightning McQueen and a 4 foot tall Snow white.  Each were commissioned for seperate birthday parties and both were fully custom made.  Typically when I am booked for a balloon gig (www.misterd.balloonhq.com) I offer a grand finale creation for an extra thirty bucks.  I will make something a little more elaborate than the norm and keep it in my car until the party is over.  Before I leave I bring inthe surprise and offer it to the birthday child to the "oohs" and "aahs" of the parents.  Bringing it in at the end of the party also prevents every single child to want the same thing that you spent 3-4 hours on the morning of or the night before.   Thirty bucks is nothing for the sculptures I made since they do take an enormous amount of time.  I like to make them because it allows me to challenge myself and create things that I wouldn't normally make.  The Thirty bucks purely covers the expense for balloons on the grand creation.  I will post some pictures of these creations soon.  Next weekend I have to make a life sized Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and I am looking forward to that as well.  

This last weekend also gave me time to fix things with my wife.  I don't know what it is about my lifestyle change, but it has created tensions in the homefront.  My wife and I were/are not on the same page about the decisions that I have made.  She understands a little more now after we spent a good amount of time talking and I actually think that my change is bringing on a change in her as well.  She is eating healthier as well as working out more and more, so this could be good for both of us. 

I know I continue to promise pictures and they will be coming online soon.  Computer problems at home have prevented from the upload of photos, and I am now at the point that I am just going to go to Walgreens and have all of the images uploaded from my memory cards to a disc so I can finally get it done. 

Have a great week!

As a grand finale to the wonderful 15 days I capped this vacation-o-rama off with a bang.  For Christmas I bought my wife tickets to see Wicked on Friday.  I took Friday off from work so we could get down to the city early enough to have dinner prior to the 8:00pm show.  I also booked us a hotel room near the theater.  Prior to all of this fun, I met with my dentist to finally get the new tooth installed from the on going root canal that has been a pain in my tookus for the past 3 months. 

::::note to self::::  never complain about your wife and follow that up with the punchline "women" while a female doctor has a drill going inside of mouth....

Funny story from the dentist.  My dentist and dental assistant are both female.  Friday was my 7th visit in the past 3 months and second in the last week, so I have become relatively close to both of them in a short amount of time.  Anywho, they both know that I am married to a kindergarten teacher.  A few weeks ago a woman came to them for some work with my same last name.  While they were working on her they found out that the lady was a kindergarten teacher and after the woman left they both wondered if she might have been my wife, but laughed at the idea.  When I asked why they didn't think she was my wife they said that she was older.  When they asked how old my wife is, I explained that she was 65.  They both looked at each other in an akward manner and I proceeded to laugh because they suddenly thought that was her...until it dawned on them I was joking and they started laughing so hard that they had to stop working on me for a good 4 or 5 minutes.  Good stuff. 

Wicked was good.  Since this was our first real show in Chicago we were extremely over dressed.   I had a hard time following the show.  Something about a guy that chooses a green witch over a hot blonde makes it not realistic for me.  My wife loved it and that was all that mattered.  I can't get a few of the catchy songs out of my head and it's driving me crazy.  

Saturday we shopped on State street and Michigan ave all day. More to follow on that and the rest of the crazy weekend.  I just read something about Presidential hopefull Hillary Clinton that I have to mention...more to come!  

If you want to hear about the Friday night Christmas party, go to www.stupidtom.com. He has even uploaded photos as well. 

The party was great.  It was my first time attending this event and I was overly impressed at how well it went.  By the sounds of Tom's post, there were some issues with the DJ, but I hardly noticed any issue other than the fact that it was 100% wedding music, but I always say that you get what you pay for.  I especially dislike this DJ becuase he has always had a thing for my wife, and I was hoping for a chance to talk to him without my wife being around.  I would prefer that he never talks to her or ever looks at her again.  I can't really believe that just came out of my mouth...or fingertips in this situation, because I have never been around someone that has creeped me out quite as much as he does.  My wife thinks he is just a sweet guy.  Apparently he was dumped many years back by one of my wife's friends from high school and he is still hung up on this girl.  Well, this ex girlfriend of the DJ is apparently running for Mrs. Illinois and at the holiday party on Friday night this guy told my wife that she looked better than his ex-girlfriend that is running for Mrs. Illinois.  The weird thing was that he said it to her right in front of me.  I was in shock as he asked her personal questions about where she teaches (specifically what school) and she answered without batting an eye.  I wouldn't bet against the possibility that this guy might be a few donuts short of a dozen.   This was the fourth event that we have booked him for between church and GOoF, and it will be the last based on his most recent performance and what he has said to my wife.  Maybe he was just trying to be nice, but I still get a scary feeling with this guy. 

The evening came and went entirely too fast and before I knew it the clock struck midnight and we were on our way home. 

Saturday I morphed into my weekend clown and did balloon twisting for a 4 year old party.  The party was held at this brand new pizza place in Elgin, Illinois that just opened up on Friday night.   The roughest part of the event was the fact that I was still hung over and I was trying to entertain a good 20 children.  Even rougher was the fact that this restaurant had a good amount of dust on the cement floors and every time a child would let a creation hit the ground, it would pop.  So, more of my time was spent fixing and remaking than creating. 

Saturday night was Holiday party number two for the weekend and I will try and capture the highlights of the absolute craziness that happened. 

First of all, this was a small gathering of people.  Around 14 people.  And it was a costume party.  You had to dress up as either a character from your favorite christmas movie or some sort of crazy christmas outfit.  Since I was unable to locate a Buddy Elf outfit that fit me or a pink bunny pajama costume with bunny slippers, I was at square one with 2 hours before the party started.  My wife decided that she would be that little girl that says "every time a bell rings, an Angel gets it's wings..." Zuzu or Zuluu or whatever her name is.  She was cute in her little pajama/robe outfit.  I however, wanted to push the limits of good taste. 

I went as a 70's Porn Star Santa.  Complete with 70's Used Car Salesman wig, porn star mustache, fake furry chest hair, bad cheap santa suit, porn star santa sun glasses and my very own dick in a box from Saturday night live.  My description doesn't do it justice.  Only a photo will. I will do everything I can to get a photo online to demonstrate just how ridiculous my outfit was.  

There was all sorts of craziness that ensued including the host puking and passing out before 11:00pm and I think I remember being on the phone at one point with my sophomore football coach talking about my dick in a box outfit.  (His daughter was at this party and sent him a photo of me from her cellphone.) Many photo's were taken by many people, and I wouldn't be surprised to find my photo circulating around the internet before I get it up online on this site, it was just that wrong.  I rode with Captain Morgan at both parties this weekend, and come Sunday morning I felt like the Captain had struck his pose and smashed my head against his raised knee at least a dozen times.  As I was driving to Church Sunday Morning I prayed that I didn't get pulled over because it might have been possible that my blood alcohol level was still hovering around the legal limit to drive. 

It's rare that I am excited to be sitting at my desk and back at work, but I am.  This weekend allowed me to appreciate sobriety a little more.  Tonight Sebastian goes in for his one week followup to his last appointment, so I hope the doctor gives me good news.  More to follow on that and I will do my best to get some pictures up as soon as possible. 

Quick update:  Sebastian is staying strong.  He is slowly moving more.  I learned that he has the early stages of Gout in his right knee caused by kidney failure.  I am going to begin putting him on new drugs to hopefully fight the kidney failure.  I would just like to say that when you tell people that you have a sick turtle, you get weird looks.  They either think that is code for something or laugh until I explain that this has been my pet since the age of 7. 

I seriously need to spend a good hour or so and upload some real photos of me, and my family, my cats, and my turtles.  I have nothing on this site except words.  How much fun is that?  To anyone reading any of this, I could be 5'8" and weigh in at 800 lbs.  I could be one of those guys where they have to bring in a construction crew to plan my removal from the house.   It's kind of like a blind date, really.  I may have set myself up for severe disappointment because it would be sad if my number of visits dropped upon my picture being plastered on this page.  I might go a little slow.  Maybe a picture of my hand one one day. Then a picture of my hand and wrist the next.  Then maybe the next day will include my elbow...and so on until my ear is in the photo.  That way you can stop visiting at any point.  Wow...where am I going with this? 

I have to finish my dental debacle story from yesterday.   Incompetence.  That is my dental word for yesterday.  As I mentioned, hours after they put on the temporary crown, I almost choked on it.   It was supposed to last a good 3 weeks superglued or cemented...or whatever adhesive that is used in the dental glueing procedures. 

So, after I go home that evening, the appeteaser before dinner became left over apple pie from thanksgiving.  As I made dinner I pulled the left over pie out of the fridge and ate right out of the tin with a fork.  Nice. I find that's the best way to eat left over pie.  That way you can leave the fork in the pie and set it back in the fridge.  There's nothing like being able to walk by the fridge, open the door, take a bite of pie without having to get a plate or silverware, and move on with you day.  I digress...

So, I am eating the pie, and I begin to swallow.  I feel something very hard and scratchy going down with the pie.  I suddenly realize that the tooth has come off and is clawing at my throat for help.  Not to be gross but I coughed it up just in the nick of time.  I almost swallowed it.  So, I went back yesterday to have it reglued.  I sat down in the chair and the same woman that F'd it up to begin with thought she would give it another go.  I didn't get a "sorry for fucking it up the first time" or "sorry that you almost had to shit out a sharp pointy tooth" or anything.  I pulled the tooth out of my wallet (because that is where you keep teeth when they fall out until you get back to the dentist) and gave it to the lady.  I ask if she might be able to do it better this time so that it doesn't cause me to end up with doctor's pumping out my stomach.  I asked it in a very light and funny manner because this lady has very sharp pointy devices in her hand.  She puts the partial back on me and proceeds to add to it with some sort of hot goo device.  (technical jargon, I know...)  After she fixes the chips and cracks she goes to remove it.  But it won't come off. 

She tried for 15 minutes to get the damn tooth off and it wouldn't come off.  After stabbing my tongue a second time and causing it to bleed she decides to call in the dentist.  The dentist couldn't get it off either.  It was loose but caught on something.  At one point the dentist (it is a femal dentist) is almost on top of me trying to use a lever technique that is bordering on cracking my jaw to remove this fake tooth that isn't glued on mind you.  Finally the dentist gave some sort of look to the dental assistant and they decided it was time to pull out the power tools.  What I thought would be a quick glue job turned out to be an hour and a half of drilling, scraping, reglueing, refucking it up, reglueing again, and finally success.  It has been 24 hours now and it hasn't popped off.  Of course, I am scared to eat anything. 

I won't name the dentist or the office I go to.  My visit yesterday ended when the dentist left the room and I was starting to stand up.  I asked the dental assistant what her name was, and she said Diane.  I shook her hand and said, "My name is Dennis".  "I feel like we should know each others first names with all that we have been through together."  She gave me a slightly hesitant laugh and I walked away. 

I have supposedly one more visit with the dental office to install my future new tooth.

Hopefully the assistant isn't the installer.  

My wife is sick.  I wanted to write a long post about how she became too sick to take me out for our birthday celebration last saturday and how this is the second year she has come down with something serious on my birthday celebration day, but the bottom line is that I only want her to be better.  I don't care about my birthday celebration. 

My turtle is sick.  I don't know how else to say it.  I have written about my turtles before and all I can say is that if Sebastian decides to leave me for a better place, I am going to be a wreck for some time.  It's hard to describe the love one can have for a turtle, but I guess I can try.  I have had the little guy since I was 8.  23 years he has been in my life.  He is the smaller of the two turtles.  Bruno and Sebastian.  Sebastian has pneumonia, and I am doing everything in my power to save him.  The blood work came back with the vet and it shows kidney failure as well.  I won't go into the gross details but it is obvious by looking at him that he is very sick.  Yesterday morning I actually thought he was gone and had what I think is the biggest emotional breakdown I can remember since my Grandmother passed.  But what is weird is that I see Sebastian every single day.  I feed him daily.  Talk to him daily.  He is such a large part of my life, and if you were to know how F'd up my childhood was, you could get an idea of how his was as well, and all of the things we have been through together.  He has been a sure thing in a life where there hasn't been many sure things...until I met my wife. 

Not to get all sappy, but Sebastian and Bruno mean about as much as anything that has been in my life since I have yet to produce a child.  So, these last 48 hours have been pretty tough on me.  I created a new environment for him this morning to make life easier on him while he fights this sickness.  The Vet doesn't have high hopes for overcoming the kidney failure, but we have agreed to do what we can with a barrage of daily injections and oral medication.  I don't know what I will do without him...

In other crazy ass news, I have had some interesting experiences with the dentist.  I am trying to complete my quest for a new porcelain crown and the dental office isn't making it easy.  The root canal blew.  I went in Monday for what I thought was going to be a simple visit where they would take a mold of what was left of my tooth to send off to some dental lab where they will create my future tooth, but boy was I wrong. 

They had this thing where they check the color of your teeth much like they do with paint.   That way they can send in the color so that the dental lab can match the new crown to the off white that is my smile.  I asked the dentist if we could do a fun color.  Purple?  Pink?  I would love to have a Chicago Cubs tooth where each quarter of the tooth has maybe a red white and blue stripe with the cubs logo.  No can do said the doc.  I think this is how I might make my millions.  Think about all of the redneck's that lose their teeth all the time from chewing tobacca and smoking.  I'll bet there would be a huge Nascar following for these teeth since those are your prototypical toothless sport fans.  The White Sox would be a hot seller too!  I digress...

So, while I am in there, I realize that they are not just sizing the tooth, but basically drilling out what is left of the old tooth.  That sucked as well.  The dental assistant asked me if I wanted any local anesthesia.  Not knowing what they would be doing, I said, "do you think I need it?"  She followed that up with a, "how high is your pain threshold?"  She poked my gums and asked me if it hurt, to which I said, no.  If that was all we were talking about then we can spare the numbness for the remainder of the day.  An hour into the procedure she started with the poking and prodding of the gums, but then tells me that she is going to insert a "string" between the tooth and the gums to pull the gums away from the tooth for the mold.  OK, I said and away we went.  If she would have told me that we were going to do this, I would have easily taken the Anesthesia.  20 minutes of pushing what seemed to me to be a bear trap around my tooth and pushing it down into the gums and pulling the gums away from the tooth felt worse than at any point of the root canal.  As she was pulling gauze out of my mouth soaked in blood, I realized that I had made a very poor decision.  Eventually they finished, I swallowed some good that was hardening in my mouth and almost choked/puked all at once.  The dental assistant put on a temp crown that would eventually make it's way down my throat 2 hours later in what has to be the worst cement job of any temp crown in the history of dentistry.  I choke it up, throw it in my wallet to have it re-cemented today.  They F'd up again today.  I will share that fun story tomorrow.  

I have to run off to a church meeting and hope to drown my sorrows afterwards with a beer or two with some of the members of the church. 

Happy Humpday!

I was so put off by the errant performance that I decided to join the guys for a beer after our performance.  The tough thing about the beer was the prior to the church event my wife and I specifically agreed that since we had company coming over on Saturday that I should come home upon completion of the debacle to help out.  Long story short, I discovered a new voice that I had never heard before from my wife.  She was so angry that even without talking I could hear her seething through the phone.  I promised to get up at the crack of dawn on Saturday so long as I could stay out for a few beers.  And I did just that.  Up at 6:30 scrubbing toilets.  Good stuff. 

After 12 straight hours of non stop cleaning fun, our house was finally in tip top shape to have a dinner party.  I ran to the store where I bought the appetizers, alcohol, and dinner.  I thought I had bought enough alcohol for this weekend and Thanksgiving, but I was wrong.  One of the husbands in attendance appeared to be a bigger captain drinker than I and we put back 3/4 of a handle of Captain.  It was a good night.  We had 2 other couples in attendance and everyone had fun.  The evening wrapped up around midnight after we had all drank entirely too much. 

Sunday I think I might have left the couch long enough to set up what I call the NFL Experience. (Where I get multiple TV's going for multiple NFL game viewing) 

The NFL experience yesterday was highlighted by the fact that all of our fun food from Saturday night was left over.  It's not often that I get to sit on my ass watching football making Homer Simpson noises while swallowing shrimp.  Especially when I am home alone.  Shrimp, dips, desserts, and Pizza all met their demise to the evil that is my growing gut during the NFL experience.  I have to do my best to get that crap out of the fridge for the coming holiday that is Thanksgiving. 

Tonight I get to go to the grocery store and buy everything for not only thanksgiving but also to feed my two brothers, sister in law, and five nieces and nephews for 5 days and 4 nights.  I will put the over/under at 300.00 for groceries.  I don't really know what I am in for later this week.  It was nice that the Captain and I had some time to get acquainted on Saturday because I have a feeling he and I are going to be hand in hand starting Wednesday night all the way through Sunday.  I wouldn't be surprised to hear any and all of my nieces and nephews ask a family member why Uncle Dennis is sleeping in the closet again while cradling a large bottle. 

After reading that line, one might assume that something horrific happened and it had.  When you blog about how you feel about your family many bad things could happen.  Like they stumble upon the blog and read about your feelings that you might not ever say to them in person.  Would I ever tell them that I have an issue with their bathing frequency or infrequency?  No.  But I would tell any stranger that does not know me or them.  Until now. 

Yesterday I wrote about how rednecky my family is.  I wrote about my older brother's family.  How he and his wife are anything but in love and how they might be required to bathe prior to a prolonged visit over the holiday.  I exaggerate sometimes.  Sometimes it isn't as bad as what I write, but none the less it is bad.  I believe my blog yesterday may have triggered something somehow without directly being known by anyone in my family....I could stall longer, but I bet it's getting annoying by now...

Last night, before my pool league, I received a call from my wife.  She said that my sister in law had just called her, and explained that DCFS had been called on them.  They were threatening to take away my nieces and nephews.  The DCFS worker was going to go back to their house Friday morning and then to the children's school on Friday to interview the children.  Not to go too much further with this story, but now my sister in law is attempting to leave my brother and take the children and move out of their house and my brother had some sort of tae kwon doe touney that he chose to go to instead of staying home with the possibility of their children being taken away by DCFS and he doesn't seem to care and they do not love each other and they have 5 children and they live in squalor.  Whew!  What a mouthful.  F'd up if you ask me. 

The scariest part of this whole issue was that if DCFS actually took away the children, they wouldn't have gone to some home, they would have come to us.  My wife and I were about one ill tempered DCFS worker away from having all of my nieces and nephews living with us.  Wow.  I almost went from having no children to having a new household filled with 5 children a wife and a sister in law. 

I don't know where I am going with all of this, but the preperation for my first time hosting Thanksgiving is getting better by the day.  My right eye twitch is pulsating as if it's a McRibb and will only be around for a limited time.   From here on out I am going to keep the crazies in my family out of the blog world for fear that I have the feds reading every word I say.  Did I mention that I love the IRS?  I really, really do. 

Happy scary friday to all.  At least that was what it has been for me.  I spent an hour and a half denying family issues today by submerging myself in new home office furniture.  Amazing how spending money on me makes me forget about everything else that is wrong in my life.   The children get to stay with my sister in law, so that is good.  Big Gorilla off my back.  Boring weekend ahead.  Nothing too exciting going on except I anticipate grocery shopping for Thanksgiving and cleaning in preperation of the holiday.  Shopping for Thanksgiving might not be so bad after all since it is possible that no one will come.  Just so long as I have my hour two traditional hours with the turkey fryer and Captain Morgan, I won't care about anything.  Captain...take me away...or is that Calgon...