As I was working as a database administrator at the time this was a bit of a problem. I needed to delve deeply into detail and do a lot of problem solving. Still I must say the spaced out feeling is one I find enjoyable. I am a Capricorn with Virgo rising so very earth bound and practical by nature. Feeling spacey is a bit of a novelty and one I enjoy.

So here I am today, floating in the ethers somewhat. I'm much more in tune with the rhythms of the moon now I meditate daily. I seem to tap into the energies around me.

Detailed, analytical work is a bit of a challenge right now. Unfortunately, my job involves a lot of that. But after that experience 10 years ago I have learnt to operate in 'work' mode whilst some part of my mind wanders the higher realms.

I wonder if I'm downloading some interesting information at the moment.

I've realised that my lower mind has almost switched off during this week which is a wonderful change. A lot of the presentations have been at a very high, abstract level - and I can't comprehend the concepts with my concrete mind. But there has been alignment and meditation every day too and somehow I think I've tuned in at a higher level. It hasn't filtered down to the brain consciousness in many cases but it has gone in. I realise that I've not done any of my usual analysis and planning and general monkey mind business (chitta, chatter). My mind has somehow calmed and stilled and to some extent I am just being. I only realised this today.

Having Bekki here with me has been good as she has kept me grounded every day. We've not spent a huge amount of time together as I spend most of the day and evening in the conference and she has been doing her own thing. She has been doing enough mental work for both of us I believe. She's somehow energetically freed me from the need to process things myself. This is kind of unique for me. Her being here has been good too, because I am kind of shy when I don't know people and I only know one other person here (well I know a few more now of course) so knowing that Bekki is here to talk to during downtime from the conference has helped me feel secure.

I wonder how this will translate when I get home. Will my ever active mind start up again? I dare say it will but the respite for a week has been a wonderful, unexpected gift. All in all I've been feeling very good this week. On the whole I think I've maintained my emotional tranquillity pretty well all things considered.

I do miss all of you very much - I want to catch up on what you've all been posting for the past ten days or so but that will have to wait until I get home. Then I hope to get back into posting daily again. I'm sure work will take over that intention fairly soon but I can try :-)

I've just been filled with a feeling of gratitude and realise how lucky I am in so many ways. I've a new appreciation for P's role in my life - he's often been here with me this week ;-)  I can feel him around me at times. It doesn't matter that there is an entire huge ocean between us. There is a connection there that is much greater than words or physical location.

I've also had discussions here about various projects (multimedia and online education) that I will hopefully get involved with as time goes by.

I miss you my friends. I look forward to talking with you again soon.

Namaste.
Zen

' Getting dumped always makes a Man stronger and if He hasn't experienced it enough to be able to laugh and joke about it, or at least use it as material, He can't fulfill His duties as a Man.'

' So it's the Man's responsibility to be strong, eh?'

' Pretty much. But than again, Men aren't meant to pursue happiness.'

----- Taken from conversation between Tsunade and Jiraiya in Naruto Manga Chapter 367 - Itachi and Sasuke

Apa yang datang suatu saat pasti akan menghilang, seperti putih pasti ada hitam, dimana gelap akan selalu ada terang, akan selalu ada dua hal yang berlawanan. Dengan begitu putih akan jadi 'putih' karena ada hitam. Sebelum belajar memiliki Qta harus belajar melepaskan. Sebelum ketemu ma Orang yang tepat Qta mesti ketemu dulu ma Orang yang ga tepat. Mungkin blon ketemu ma Orang yang tepat itu, mungkin juga dah ketemu tapi ga nyadar dan ditinggalin. Semuanya menjadi lebih jelas, beberapa pertanyaan ketemu ma jawabannya dan sekarang dah berada di luar lingkaran. Bumi terus berputar waktu terus berjalan, banyak yang datang dan menghilang. Mereka ga akan menunggu Kau yang hanya diam disitu, menjadi lebih baik lah dari sekarang karena hanya perubahan itu sendiri yang ga bakal berubah. Apa yang terucap ga bakal bisa ditarik kembali, luka itu ga akan hilang, mungkin suatu saat kalo beruntung Qta akan lupa. Apakah Qta akan seberuntung itu? Setiap Orang berjalan dengan membawa lukanya masing-masing, ada yang tetap diam disitu, ada yang dengan senyuman menyambut hari baru. Berjalan sendirian memang kadang menyusahkan tapi itu hanya untuk sementara sampai ketemu ma seseorang yang hanya untuk Mu, yup seseorang yang hanya untuk Mu. Ada yang datang nya diawal ada yang datangnya belakangan, cepat atau lambat akan ketauan. Jangan menyerah ya! yakinkan dalam hati semua yang Kau lakukan itu ga akan sia-sia, sekarang atau nanti, setahun atau sepuluh tahun, jangan pernah berubah kecuali jadi lebih baik dari hari ini. Tidak kah Kau liat tetesan air bisa menjinakkan batu karang. Semua hal itu hanya segenggam garam maka jadikanlah hati yang Kau punya seluas danau, apakah rasanya akan asin saat Kau masukkan garam itu?.

Weleh niy cerita apaan ?? nyadarnya pas dah mau di publish aja.

Bener atau salahnya sekarang dah terungkap dan Aq ga bisa kembali. It's like one way road. Mungkin itulah manusia, ga bakal tau apa yang terjadi didepannya tapi itu juga yang membuat hidup ini lebih menarik. Semua terjadi begitu saja, yang penting ga ada penyesalan lagi.

Sekarang Aq bisa tenang walopun Aq ga ada Dy masih punya Orang-orang disekelilingnya. Hope you'll always like that, smile happily, cause you're so sweet when you smile.