I was a painfully lonely child.  Even while most kids with siblings have built in best friends, my sibs hardly wanted anything to do with me as a child.  I desperately needed for someone to love me and want me around.  Ex Con Older Brother and CPA Sis are only two years apart and always had more in common with each other than either had with me.  For reasons I may never be able to understand, I wasn’t really ever able to make friends with people my own age, and so I spent a lot of time after school and on the week-ends being alone.

“Mommy,” I used to say to Vengeful Mother, “I’m bored.”

“So find yourself something to do,” she would respond.  “It’s not my responsibility to entertain you.”  Even Vengeful Mother didn’t want to spend time with me.

I rarely ever considered the idea of having a little brother or sister.  I couldn’t remember when my parents were married and so for me to have a little brother or sister would require someone to have sex outside of marriage and, well, that of course was out of the question!  So while, from time to time, I wished for a built in best friend like my siblings had in each other, I never really seriously considered the desire.  So I was painfully lonely.

I used to overhear ECOB And CPA Sis talk about “The Game”, and I had no idea what they were talking about.  Finally one day I learned that they had an imaginary world, known simply as “The Game”, wherein they pretended to be other people, with other lives.  Generally older than they really were, with spouses and families and friends that didn’t really exist, and I wanted in.  They, of course wouldn’t allow it, so as usual I was out in the cold to play my own game.  So, play my game I did.

I used to have great fun playing my game.  As a very young child I was completely enamored with Wonder Woman, but of course I was a boy and I knew I was not permitted to want to be a girl.  (In truth, I didn’t really want to be a girl, I just didn’t have a lot of imagination.)  So I pretended I was Wonder Man.  I imagined I had the little red boots with the white stripe and the slight heel.  As to the rest of my costume, well, as I just said, I didn’t have much of an imagination but I had to “masculinize” Wonder Woman’s costume for myself…  So imagine, Richard Simmons… feeling very patriotic…  That’s pretty much what my imaginary Wonder Man costume looked like, complete with the golden lasso, bullet proof cuffs and boomerang crown of course!  I used to run around the yard outside our after school care ladies house kicking my heels into my butt cheeks (because that was how Wonder Woman ran so fast, dontchaknow) and making the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch sound whenever I’d “jump great distances.”  This, by the way was the same sound I made while “performing great feats of strength, when I pretended I was The Six Million Dollar Man.  ECOB and CPA Sis pretended not to know me.

I used to love MacGyver.  I hadn’t taken any significant science classes at that point (and come to find out I’d suck big harry nuts at science) but I thought he was the shiz.  Plus, he was blond.  Something I always wanted to be but never was… Not naturally anyway.  He was attractive.  I could tell because CPA Sis and Vengeful Mother both really liked him.  I always got a happy feeling when I’d see him on the screen.  So at one point I wanted to be MacGyver.  (As a side bar:  With the resurgence of “old time” TV shows lately (Bionic Woman, Knight Rider, 90210) they should totally make a new MacGyver.  I’m thinking Ryan Reynolds or maybe that guy from Brittney Spears’ “Womanizer” video (shirtless at all times of course.) I’d do ‘im– er, watch him.)

I always liked The Facts of Life, and, go figure, Jo Polniaczek was my favorite girl.  I knew I was supposed to like girls and of the options, she was the least girlie, black or fat.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I always liked Jo, for real, but if I was supposed to like a girl, she was the one.  And at the time I thought I was sincere.

So for a while there, “in the game” I was MacGyver and I was married to Jo Polniaczek, living in Mrs. G’s house and sharing the household responsibilities with the other girls and their husbands (Yes the four of them all still lived in the house.)

For a brief period of time in 1988 I even pretended I was Mario Van Peebles, a la “Sonny Spoon” and I was married to Olympic Figure Skater Debi Thomas.  I know they say that “Once you go black, you never go back”, but this phase didn’t last very long and when it was over, it was all white guys from then on, for me.

Eventually, Ex Con Older Brother outgrew “The Game”, and CPA Sis wasn’t ready to call it quits, so suddenly, I was old enough to play.  I still remember, from time to time, whenever one of us would learn something new about someone, or find a new celebrity or character we liked, we’d change “The Game”.  At one point CPA Sis and I were both infatuated with MacGyver at the same time.

“In the game, I’m MacGyver,” I said.

“You can’t be.  I want to be married to him,” was her reply.

“Hmmm.  Ok.  Then….  I’m his twin brother GyMacver.”  I replied.  (I don’t think I really fucked with the name like that, but who knows.

On other occasions:

“In the game, MacGyver is sitting right here next to me with his arm around me helping me with my homework.”  Guess which of us said that.

The worst was when I was spending the night at my friends house (we’ll call him the Pickle) once and I thought it would be cool to let him in on the fun.  I told him about the game and that in the game I was MacGyver and I was married to The Bionic Woman, and then pretended to kiss her.  The Pickle and I were lying on the floor in his parents room playing a board game, (Life, I think) and when I finished kissing Jamie Sommers and looked back at him, he looked at me like I had three heads.  Fortunately, about three seconds later, he forgot all about my game.

He’d been playing with an electrical cord with his toes while we were playing the board game and suddenly his mother’s iron came crashing down on his head, point first.  As the blood gushed forth and down over his forehead, no longer was the stupidity of my imaginary game at hand, and never was it mentioned again!

There was a point in the late 80s where I also fantasized that I was Officer Tom Hansen as played by Johnny Depp.  This one worked particularly well, because I could go to my school and learn my lessons while pretending to be this cool, older, sexier guy that girls swooned over.  There’s one episode of 21 Jump Street that has always stood out for me.  Tom decided to become a Big Brother as in Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America, but he was ultimately rejected.  It turned out that Doug Penhall had discouraged the BBBS from accepting Tom, for one reason or another…  Hey!  I was 12.  I can’t be expected to remember ALL of the details.

In late 1988 or early 1989, I had become enamored of the “Patch and Kayla” story on Days of our Lives (which I’d been introduced to by CPA Sis.)  I didn’t especially think much of Steve, but I thought Kayla (Mary Beth Evans) was awesome.  Since I had no imagination, I decided I wanted to be Steve so I could be with Kayla.  I knew CPA Sis wouldn’t be impressed with that so I didn’t tell her.  I continued to pretend I was pretending to be MacGyver because that was acceptable to her, but really I was pretending I was Patch.  (I guess this was the beginning of my career pretending to be something acceptable to my family.)  I remember the day in the late ’80s when I realized that something was not right.  CPA Sis was 16 or 17 years old and her heart hadn’t really seemed into it when I’d talk about “The Game.”  One day I said, “You don’t really want to play ‘The Game’ anymore, do you?”

“Not really,” she said.  “I’m kinda too old for it.”

And that was the end of “The Game”…  Or was it?

I’m a little ashamed to admit that I continued to play “The Game” well into my 20s.  When Party of Five came out, I was head over heals for Scott Wolf/Bailey Salinger.  I wanted to be him.  God only knows why he was the preferred character for me.  I was certainly closer in age to Charlie Salinger, but it was all about Bailey.  I had a whole fantasy worked out.  I was Bailey Salinger, and (as was often the case in those days) I had an infant child which was the product of a one night stand with a girl I met at a party.  She had died during child birth (as they always did, ’cause who needs the girl around) and I was raising my child on my own (the only way I’d want to.)

When I moved to California, and had my first job with The Soul Crushing Telecom Company for whom Green M&M still works, I met a guy.  His name was Scott and he was beautiful.  I wanted him, but mostly I just wanted to be friends with him.  My fantasy  was that Scott and I (Bailey Salinger) were such good friends that we hung out together all of the time.

One day Scott didn’t come to work.  I found out that he had always wanted to ride his motor cycle to LA and back and so he took a Friday off to do this.  In my imagination, I came home from work to find him in my apartment.  He’d gotten halfway to LA and realized he wasn’t having any fun ’cause I wasn’t there, and he turned around and came back.  He couldn’t wait to tell me all this and how much he wanted to be with me.  That was the first night I allowed myself to unabashedly fantasize about having sex with a man.

To this day, when I’m feeling particularly lonely, or when I’ve got something on my mind that I need to hash out with someone, or when I’m horny and I need a boyfriend…  I find myself leaning toward “The Game.”  I’ve found it to be like an addiction.  I have a physical need for it.  Honestly!  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m the only person in the house and that I can talk to myself all I want, I’m just talking to myself.  No one is going to answer me.  It’s not that I have to pretend I’ve got this whole alternate life going on anymore.  But sometimes I imagine both sides of the conversation/encounter and play it out.  It’s not that there’s anything wrong with this, it’s just that it’d be real easy for me to slip back into “The Game” if I let myself and I don’t want to do that.  I want real relationships.

So, yeah.  I was lonely a lot growing up, and despite my knowledge that getting a little brother would mean “unacceptable” behavior on my mother’s part I always wanted someone I could be close with.  I finally got my “little brother in 2000, when CPA Sis married Mr. Fixit who is three years my junior.  Unfortunately, my “little brother” was going to be living 1800 miles away (3000 miles now) and is nearly six inches taller than I.  Very funny God!  You’ve finally answered my prayers and my “little brother” is bigger than I.

—————————————————————————————-

About a year ago, I grew very tired of being lonely and set about looking for ways to find and make new friends.  The ancestral version of this blog was part of that plan, but that didn’t come until later and when it did, it didn’t work out the way I had intended.  I decided that I could make an effort toward meeting people, and perhaps make myself feel a little bit better by finding some sort of volunteer work I could do.  I looked into Habitat for Humanity.  I really enjoy things that have tangible results to show and what better way to have tangible results than to build something, but their needs and my availability didn’t really seem to match up.

I found myself low on further ideas for additional opportunities so I did an internet search and came across a website called Volunteer Match and I found a number of listings for mentoring.  Nothing sounded familiar to me and I felt like that was too big of a deal to enter into lightly, but it reminded me of the episode of 21 Jump Street.  I remember watching that episode in silence while secretly being tremendously affected by it.  Of course part of it was, how could I not want Johnny Depp to pay attention to me?  But mostly it was just my secret longing for anyone to really care about and pay attention to me.  To make me the center of their universe, even if it was only for a few hours a week.  I was hurting while I watched it because I was thinking, I could really use someone like that in my life.  But I couldn’t ask for it.

And while I was remembering that it hit me.  I could be a Big Brother.  I could do for some kid or kids what no one ever did for me.  I could be a positive influence in their lives.  So I went to their website and I applied.  It wasn’t meant to be at that time.  There was an obstacle that I had to over come before I could be a Big Brother, but it was a blessing in disguise.  It gave me a year to think it over and make sure, was this really something I wanted to do?  Yes!  Am I really ready to handle this?  Fuck if I know, but I imagine it’s a little like parenthood.  You’re never ready, you just do it.

Today, I had my first interview with the Big Brothers and Big Sisters of the Bay Area.  It was nerve racking, though not as much so as I thought it would be.  The match specialist was fabulous and made me feel very much at ease.  She seemed very non-judgmental and more than once expressed her appreciation of my candor.  It was actually easier than I thought it would be to tell her I’m gay, but I thought it was important to establish that up front.

Now begins the arduous wait while they go through their process.  Tomorrow, she’ll send her reference checks to CPA Sis, Green M&M, Eve and Douche Bag.  I would have just as soon not included him, but as I recall the application asks for your immediate supervisor as one of the references.  The good thing is that DB doesn’t do confrontation, so I can rest relatively assured that he’ll say good things about me and not hurt my chances.  I don’t know what he would possibly have based this statement on but when I told him I would be leaving early today for the interview he said, “That’s great!  You’d make a great Big Brother.”  While it’s nice to hear, I don’t feel particularly like that’s praise worth it’s salt coming from him.  Anyway, while they wait for the references to be sent back, they’ll run my background check.  The only thing they’ll find is the DUI I received on January 18, 2003 and they’re already aware of that.  (This is the obstacle from a year ago.)  They can’t officially match me with a “Little” until after it’s been five years, so I have a couple months to wait.  I was informed that being gay, it will take longer to match me, anyway.  Apparently, there are a lot of parent/guardians out there who are ignorant and fearful of homosexuality and have specified that they do not want their children paired up with a homosexual.  It’s unfortunate, as it’s the “Little” that they’re hurting, but it is their prerogative.  I can’t say I’m surprised by the likely delay, but it’s still sad to hear.  Meanwhile, if I’m accepted (God, I hope I’m accepted.  What would it say about me if I’m not ‘good enough’ to work with underprivileged children) they do offer some training for me to take which will help prepare me to be a “Big”.

I’ll be honest.  I’m terrified.  My stomach is in knots and my heart is in my throat, just writing about it.  But it is important to me.  I can’t wait to be able to have a positive impact on some boy’s life.  To teach him that there are people out there who want nothing more than his health, safety and happiness.  To teach him that no matter what shit he’s going through there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.  And, God forbid, if he’s been through some serious problems (i.e. molestation, physical abuse) to teach him that not everyone wants to treat him like that.  That there is good in the world and that he deserves to experience it.

I can hardly wait!

Yesterday afternoon, InContention.com’s Kristopher Tapley reported that Johnny Depp will star in not one, not two, but three different flicks for Disney. The three movies are a fourth “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “The Lone Ranger”, and he will be The Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s “Alice In Wonderland” flick. Oddly enough, Depp will not be the Lone Ranger, he is playing freaking Tonto. Say what?

Forget all that noise, when are they gonna get the “21 Jump Street” gang back together? They remake every old TV series into a movie and nobody has snagged this one yet? Call up Richard Grieco and Holly Robinson Peete, give them gas money, and get them in this movie. I’ll offer up my services as producer. I’ve never produced a movie but I’ve seen “Get Shorty” and “The Player” so I’m practically a seasoned veteran of movie production.

You’ve caught La Poo Poo at a really bad time. He seems like, as Miya put it: “a snobby bitch” right now, but if you have siblings, you know what happened at first. You hated them somewhat, well…some more than others. La Poo Poo is the epitome of perfection, and he’s used to being first. I give him a few weeks to calm down. Actually I’m confining him to the house with Ernest for two weeks, and I’ve already explained to his boss. They’ve got plenty of other agents to take his place. By “agent” I mean insurance…of course. Though none as skilled as he.

Trust me, he’s an angel, and once you’ve met his cousin Guantorga, even the devil will seem angelic.

In reality, nothing much has been happening. AP Human test is Wednesday and I’m not that freaked out, just procrastinating on the summer assignment. Also, I didn’t realize that club registration began today even though I wrote it in my planner and they passed out fliers this morning. I’m very ignorant this year. Grr, I feel like fast forwarding through high school! Except we’ve all watched “Click” (grudgingly…they replaced PotC poster space in Taiwan a couple years ago) Potc = see glossary. I think I’ll create a glossary for my stupid acronyms. There are only like three, and hopefully I’ll be using them less as I move farther away from my obsessions. Sob. It’s for the better.

Back to “Click”. We all know what happens when you fast forward in life. Dun Dun DUNNN

Also, today Ernest discovered the Caps Lock key. You may have read his post. Hopefully it’s one step closer to readability. But I will miss him typing in all lower case.

I’ve got Feist stuck in my head. I blame Sesame Street. Also, why did they make “Preschool Musical”? It should die.

Some ideas Miya and I have about Ernest are
-photoshoot (including swimsuits)
-a guest blog/interview

This is cool: http://www.youtube.com/experiencewii.  The whole page gets frunked up.
This too, was pretty awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7xD59eAnUc
I admit, I was waiting for 21 Jump Street even though I knew it wouldn’t happen.
“Jump! (Johnny Depp and Peter Deluise sing the “Jump!”) Down on Jump Street…” I hope my dad doesn’t know I watched that show. At least, every episode with Johnny Depp I could find on Youtube. By the way, Peter Deluise’s brother is on Wizards of Waverly Place. Therefore I have a vial of respect for that show. But only because of Six Degrees of Johnny Depp. And Barney. I told my sister I came from Barneyland and she believed me for two years.

Les Voyeurs #43 : L’école au cinéma
Emission diffusée le jeudi 18 septembre 2008
Rediffusée le samedi 20 septembre 2008

Actualité

- 2 bandes-annonces : Madagascar 2 (sur les écrans le 3 décembre 2008) et Max Payne (12 novembre 2008, Cédric s’est trompé ! C’est pas 2009 !).
- Scared Straight : le nouveau film de John Carpenter, avec Nicolas Cage (en tournage, sortie en 2009, pas de date, synopsis en français en cliquant sur le titre !!).
- L’Aurore : reprise du film de 1927 réalisé par Friedrich-Wilhelm Murneau (actuellement à l’affiche au Sémaphore jusqu’au 23 septembre 2008).
- Le Dirigeable Volé : film de 1966 réalisé par Karel Zeman, vidéo-projeté le mercredi 24 septembre à 16h à la médiathèque d’Alès.

Dossier : Écoles au cinéma

A l’occasion de la sortie au cinéma le mercredi 24 septembre 2008 du film Entre les murs réalisé par Laurent Cantet et Palme d’Or au dernier Festival de Cannes.

Documentaire sur l’école
Etre et Avoir de Nicolas Philibert (2002)

La discipline de l’éducation
Le traumatisme de l’école : Elephant de Gus van Sant (2003)
La discipline : Envers et contre Tous de Ramon Menendez (1988)
La pédagogie : Esprits Rebelles de John N. Smith (1996), Les Choristes de Christophe Barratier (2004), Dance with me de Liz Friedlander (2006), Ecrire pour exister de Richard La gravenese (2006)

L’Ecole en N&B
Les Quatre cent coups de François Truffaut (1959)
Zéro de conduite de Jean Vigo (1933)

Quand la SF et le Fantastique envahissent l’école
Le Village des Damnés de John Carpenter (1995) remake de celui de Wolf Rilla (1960)
The Faculty de Robert Rodriguez (1999)
Class of 1984 de Mark L. Lester (1982)

Le décor récurrent des séries TV
Sauvés par le gong
Daria
Premiers Baisers et autres séries des studios AB des années 1980-90
South Park
21 jump street
Parker Lewis

La BO de la semaine

The Subordinate (01:17) composée par Lisa Gerrard & Pieter Bourke, extrait du film de Micheal Mann Révélations (The Insider - 1999)

Extraits sonores

Interview des membres du Jury du Festival de Cannes à propos d’“Entre les murs” suivi d’un extrait du film.
Le Village des Damnées de John Carpenter (1995)

Extrait Musical

Les 400 coups de François Truffaut (1959)

Johnny Depp. Seriously, it’s not even fair. “Oh hey, I’m gonna move out to LA and be a rockstar, nah…that didn’t work out, lets try out acting. Sure I can handle death by nightmare. Then I’m gonna be on a TV show I hate…but I’m really looking forward to picking up some scissors. Hey Winona, wanna get married? Just kidding! I’ll give Leonardo a few acting lessons next. Become a tripped out bald guy, do some “hellish” movies, introduce the US to coke, then impersonate Keith Richards…yeah, that’s right…Sexiest Man Alive! I’m gonna have my eyes ripped out and still kick ass. Then take Willy Wonka to a different level…sing in an unfortunate Tim Buron movie…then sing in a cool Tim Burton movie, and i’ll get to use blades again! I’ll go ahead and be rumored to be in 2 upcoming sweet comic book-movies. Hell, while I’m at it, hey guys want to do that band thing again?”

(just fyi…that is Depp’s career if condensed into a rant)

oh and side note…I know the rumor has been falsified, but wouldn’t it have been ironic if Depp would have played Riddler in a new Batman movie…and Burton isn’t the director anymore.

This is why Johhny is cool, it’s 2008…and he still picks up a guitar & dresses in 80’s clothes

**copied from Yahoo! News (they write with slightly better grammer than I)

Los Angeles (E! Online) - Johnny Depp returned to his musical roots Friday night, reuniting with his old band The Kids for a fund-raiser in Florida.

With his girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, and their 9-year-old daughter, Lily-Rose, screaming in the crowd of 2,500, the Oscar-nominated actor strapped on a guitar and sang backup vocals during the power-pop group’s 90-minute set.

The second annual Sheila Witkin Memorial Reunion Concert honors The Kids’ late manager, who was well known in South Florida’s music scene. All proceeds from the benefit go to the Dan Marino Foundation, which funds programs for children with special needs. The band also reunited in January 2007 for the same cause.

The 45-year-old actor joined The Kids when he was a high school studentin Miramar, Fla., and moved to Los Angeles with them in search of a record deal. After the band broke up, Depp decided to pursue a career in acting.

Johnny and the boys are scheduled to rock out again tonight on day two of the benefit.

While many a parent has shaken his or her head and groaned, “Where did I go wrong?!” Michael Phelps’ mother gets to shout from the rooftops, “Where did I go RIGHT?” 

By now everybody knows Squid Boy has made Olympic history with the help of his teammates, snatching up a record eight gold medals.  And while the whole world continues to marvel over his greatness, I’m managing to move on and find a way to make it all about… me. (Naturally).

Debbie Phelps helped her son overcome myriad challenges over the years so that in 2008 he could shatter records. Note to self: You aren’t even effective enough to get the kids to clean up the mess they made from playing soccer on the table with their fingers and bengal grams (a.k.a. chickpeas). 

So, what am I doing wrong and what the heck did Michael Phelps’ mom do that was so dang right?!  

I started surfing and one of the first things that pops up is recent article in the NY Times. Yes, Debbie Phelps is and has been a really supportive mom, blah…blah…blah, now Michael is the greatest athlete of all time.

But, surely that can’t be all there is to it. There must be other forces at work, here.  

More searching unearthed a book (Amazon’s description below) by Stephanie Hirsch entitled: Mother Nurture: Life Lessons from the Mothers of America’s Best and Brightest:

Where did Beyonce get her groove?

Where did Lance Armstrong get his drive? 

Where did Steven Spielberg get his creative vision? 

Every success story begins with . . . Mom 

When Stephanie Hirsch gave birth to her son, she began to think about the kind of person she’d like him to be: generous, family oriented, loving, courageous, and professionally accomplished — maybe he’d turn out like Steven Spielberg! But what, she wondered, had Spielberg’s mother done so well?

What started out as one conversation with Steven Spielberg’s mom became a quest to interview the mothers of some of the most talented artists, brilliant journalists, and dedicated athletes of our time.

Mother Nurture is an inspiring collection of fifty-two stories filled with commonsense advice and memorable personal tales from caring mothers whose children have reached the apex of their fields, from sports, politics, and music to literature, entertainment, and business.”

And then the proverbial lightbulb went on. Nooooo, it wasn’t about parenting and what I might be able to do to raise a little gold medalist like Ms. Phelps did.  Nope! The bulb went on regarding the book itself. And, boy, am I fuming.

Theoretically *I* should have thought of this book topic. How perfect! Getting to interview the moms of celebs and other famous people…which, naturally, would lead to chats with the celebs themselves.

I see my alternate life clearly in my mind. It would go something like this:

After interviewing Johnny Depp’s mom (does she still live in Kentucky?), she’d tell me to pop by next week when he would be there visiting her. You know, in case I had any questions for him, or whatever.

I’d show up at the appointed time… well, just a tad late so as not to look too eager. After a fun, banter-filled dinner we’d retire to the family room, where we’d hang out and channel surf.

Call it luck or fate, it doesn’t matter, but we’d happen across an old 21 Jump Street episode. We’d reminisce, laugh, compare stories from that time in our lives. He’d teach me the secret handshake he used to do with Peter DeLuise. It would then be time for us to reluctantly part. (But not until after I helped his mom with the dishes, of course.)

We’d run into each other a week later in NYC or LA or Paris and grab a quick coffee together. He’d tell me how much his mom enjoyed talking to me (and how pleased she was that I helped her clean up). I’m not sure what the pivotal moment would be, but somehow he would invite me to attend the next red carpet event with him. ”Come on,” he’d say, “It’ll be fun!”

With some effort he’d convince me. I’d be photographed by his side and plastered all over People magazine with the following caption emblazoned beneath: “Who’s Johnny’s new BFF?!”

But, since Hirsch already scooped me, this will clearly never be reality.  Ugh.

She did inspire me to come up with a different angle, however.  It’s not fair to focus all the attention on the moms, is it? After all, dads have something to bring to the table, too…right? So as of today, the working title of my new book is, “Chew on This: Advice from CUDs“.

CUDs, of course, stands for Celebrity Urban Dads.

I can’t wait to start collecting data. Hey, I can even call Johnny Depp, right? He’s a celebrity urban dad and I bet he’s dying to get together with me to talk over old times.

And when all is said and done, “Chew on This: Advice from CUDs” had better be a best seller. ‘Cause unless bengal gram shooting one day becomes an Olympic sport, it’s unlikely that my kids are going to become gold medalists/lucrative endorsement deal signers…*despite* my unwavering support. Debbie Phelps knows the truth. If only it were as easy as just being a good nurturer who’s there for her child. But, let’s face it: Without a shred of doubt, NATURE plays a p*r*e*t*t*y darn large role.

Somehow I’m going to mold this “nature” concept into a follow-up volume to Chew on This. Great genes of celebrity dads…hmmm… celebrity dads in great jeans.  Whatever, it’s six of one, half dozen of another.

It’ll work, all right.. that is, as long as I have someone’s full and, er, utter (heh-heh…get it, “utter”? Cud?) support throughout the effort.  Momma Phelps, hon… you available?

♦♦♦♦

Check out this hilarious video of some British guy that everyone thinks is Michael Phelps. He gets mobbed and keeps telling everyone he ISN’T the Olympic champ, but no one seems to care.

♦♦♦♦

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SOUNDTRACK: AGENT ORANGE on 21 Jump Street (1987).

Sarah and I are watching 21 Jump Street on DVD.  We were both fans of the show when it came out, but our only thought about it was to sing JUMP every once in a while.  So, we got Season One and have been very pleasantly surprised at how good the show is.  It holds up surprisingly well: the story lines are a bit over the top, and some very basic logical issues like: they go to a different high school every episode, just how many high schools are in this town?  And, what town in the world is as pervaded by so many different teen criminal masterminds?  But, once you get past that (and the egregious late 80’s fashion) the stories are really compelling.

Anyhow, the music on the original was very good, but like many DVDs, (Northern Exposure, I’m looking at you) the original scores could not be obtained so they have lame background music.  (Don’t even get me started on the bullshit factor of THAT).  But the last episode of Season One features music by Agent Orange (it’s about punks, you see).  I assume the band on screen is Agent Orange (although the singer isn’t the band’s singer, so maybe not).  Anyhow, there are several scene in a punk club, and the Agent Orange songs are really good.  I never got into them back in the day, probably because they only really put out two albums, but I am now intrigued enough to see what they were like.  I’ll likely be getting and reviewing their debut, which sounds very promising.

[READ: July 2, 2008] “The Case of the Severed Hand”

This was the only story out of all of the magazine stories I just read that I did not like. I starts out as a stereotypical “pulp” detective story: the detective is named Noir, the woman is named Flame, the cop is called Blue. It was so over the top I assumed it was a joke-noir, especially since the hero winds up in women’s clothes twice in the first section.

But no, it proceeds apace, as a crime detective story, albeit a somewhat surreal one. The severed hand in the title appears in a flashback to a previous case, and that part is kind of interesting; however, the bookend part of the story is just sort of noir for the sake of noir.  I kept thinking I was missing something.  Since I don’t really read that genre, maybe it was much funnier than I thought. But I kept expecting something to happen, and it never did.

The nickname of Jessica McClure, who, at the ripe age of 18 months, fell into a well; the baby from Midland, Texas, remained in the hole until her rescue, 58 hours later; October 14-16, 1987, are the dates of Baby Jessica’s hole adventure; I was in third grade at the time, and remember Baby Jessica’s plunge as the second-most defining moment of my life to that point; the most defining moment of my life at that point was the Challenger Explosion; these were the first times in my life that I was aware of collectively experiencing grief and heroism with a group larger than my immediate family; when Baby Jessica fell into the well, we waited with rapt attention as a family—a family of Americans; this was one of the numerous messages I received from the 1989 ABC TV movie, “Everybody’s Baby: The Rescue of Jessica McClure”; Beau Bridges and Patty Duke were excellent in the TV movie; I do not know the name of the actor baby in the TV movie, though I would be willing to bet that the baby was played by twins; this is my second-favorite TV movie; my favorite TV movie is “Not Without My Daughter,” starring Sally Field and Alfred Molina; 1987 was, in my memory, a good time for television; my favorite shows to watch on TV in 1987 included “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse,” “The Charmings,” “Amen,” “Max Headroom,” “Golden Girls,” the miniseries “Amerika,” “227,” “Double Dare,” “Full House,” “Cheers,” “Married…With Children,” “A Different World,” “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” “I Married Dora,” “Webster,” “Moonlighting,” “Who’s the Boss?,” “21 Jump Street,” “MacGyver,” “ALF,” “Duck Tales,” “Family Ties,” “Perfect Strangers,” “Designing Women,” “Magnum, P.I.,” “Fraggle Rock,” “Newhart,” “Growing Pains,” and “The Cosby Show,” but I remember most vividly the continual coverage of Baby Jessica in a well; I was watching an episode of “I Married Dora,” which co-starred a then unknown teenager named Juliette Lewis, when the show was interrupted to break the Baby Jessica story; in the months and years following the Baby Jessica phenomenon, there were dozens of copy-cat incidents of parents dropping, pushing, or urging their children to leap into wells (anticipating fame and financial remuneration); no “baby in a well” story has approached the level of infamy or success of the Baby Jessica story; parents should not push or coerce their children into wells; Barabas, the protagonist of Christopher Marlowe’s 1592 play, “The Jew of Malta,” boasted: “Sometimes I go about and poison wells”; this line of dialogue has been known to excite literate anti-Semites throughout history, yet the play, surprisingly, is incredibly sympathetic towards its titular Jew; two heroic men—William Andrew Glasscock Jr. and Robert O’ Donnell—received the bulk of the credit for rescuing Jessica McClure in 1987; Robert O’Donnell committed suicide in 1995, leaving behind a note that read, “No help from nobody but family”; William Andrew Glasscock Jr. is currently serving a 35 year prison sentence for sexual assault, improper storage of explosives, and sexual exploitation of a child; it has come to my attention that “Not Without My Daughter” was not, in fact, a TV movie.

Ek het ‘n gier in my gat gekry om al die tv programme van my kinderjare te loop opsoek…ek het altyd as kind in die aande voor die tv gesit tot Ma gesê het ek moet loop slaap (gewoonlik so tussen 8 en 9-uur die aand) maar skoolvakansies was heeeerlik! Het omtrent elke vakansie by my Ouma gekuier en dan kyk ek en sy TV1 en TV4 so op die beurt, hang af was wys die aand, en dan sit ons die tv eers af as die uitsending klaar is…”Die Stem” het nog daai dae gespeel…

Geniet die trippie down Memory Lane!!

MacGuyver                                                          TJ Hooker

C.H.I.P.S.                                                    21 Jump Street                

The Wonder Years                                     The Waltons              

WKRP in Cincinnati                                    Who’s the Boss                  

“V”                                             The Golden Girls

Twin Peaks                                 The Cosby Show

Thornbirds                                          Thirtysomething

The A-Team                               St Elsewhere

Simon & Simon                                  Silverspoons

[

Laura arrived for the night in the chic new Honda Civic mini limosine! As she exited the car the paparazzi bulbs flashed and fans cheered! Entertainment Tonight hosts begged for an interview as she strutted down the RED (ish) carpet (looked a bit like a kitchen rug)! Laura signed a few autographs for her fans and gave a quick interview to ET, saying, “I’m so excited to be here, it’s going to be a fabulous night! Has anyone seen Jane Porricelli yet?” and then was wisked inside by her entourage to watch the show. During the show she enjoyed some expensive French bubbly champagne (or was it Ocean Spray White Cran Peach?) as she sat and chatted with the other celebrities (or maybe she was home alone).

Laura was thrilled to see little tiny Ellen Page win for best actress for her perfomance in Juno and was shocked to see Iron Man win best summer movie? “What were they thinking? I’ve never even heard of Iron Man? Naturally it should have been Sex in the City!” she exclaimed. Laura thought SJP and Jennifer Hudson were smashing as they announced Will Smith as the Best Actor for I Am Legend. Their outfits, their shoes! Oh YES! And Sarah Jessica Parker and Ellen Page must be about the same height, little tiny!!!

For best comedic performance Anne Hathaway announced the winner, “YEEEAH! JOHNNY DEPP!”, as he walked out from behind the stage casually chewing gum, the crowd was almost in shock! Laura wondered if he had been backstage and people didn’t realize he was in the theater? He wore jeans with a striped cap tucked in the back pocket and a brown leather belt buckled on the side, a black short sleeved button up shirt with rolled up sleeves, Charlie Chaplin type hair, looking very clean cut and handsome and hot! He looked so young, just like he did back in his 21 Jump Street days. The crowd erupted! Laura Iriarte and Lindsey Lohan were the only two celebrities to give him a standing ovation! Diablo Cody seemed ready to swoon as she touched her heart! Chris Brown and Rhianna oddly seemed unimpressed? Jonah Hill from Superbad, another nominee, gave him a joking two thumbs down. Johnny won once again in the Best Villian category for his performance in Sweeney Todd. Tila Tequila was thrilled! Johnny said, “wow, this is nutty, two times in one night!” and proceeded to thank one and all. He ended by pointing at Laura and saying, “Hey Laura, I must say you look amazing darling!” (or maybe he SHOULD have dammit!).

Tom Cruise, in a very preppy look, black slacks, white button down shirt with a black v-neck sweater over it and very shiny black shoes, presented the MTV Generation Award, an award presented to someone who has given us significant cinematic achievement. The award this year was presented to Adam Sandler! Tom Cruise calls him The Sandman and reminds us of all the films Adam has been in, then a montage of clips follows, including some Saturday Night Live clips. Finally as Adam is announced he slowly rises up through the floor of the stage and sings, “Nobody Does It Better”, his own version, as women in gold bikinis pose (a tribute to James Bond’s Goldfinger). After Adam acknowledges that his song was the most arrogant thing he’s ever done, he then gives a heartfelt acceptance speech.

Best Breakthrough Performance went to Zach Efron for Hairspray. Best Kiss went to Brianna Evigan and Robert Hoffman from Step Up to the Streets. Laura didn’t see the movie, but after their steamy re-creation on stage Laura could see why they won! The evening concluded with Transformers winning best picture. Laura saw Transformers and agreed it was a very good movie, much better than expected. But having seen both, Laura would have picked Juno. She thought it was much more original.

The standout performances throughout the night were Coldplay, The Pussycat Dolls, and Wayne’s World. Coldplay and their new song were amazing, but there were just too many rose petals or big confetti thingys fluttering around and getting on the lead singer and even on Laura in the audience. The Pussycat Dolls did a sexy, energetic, choreographed performance, and host Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey recreated their Waynes World skit! Party On Dudes! Excellent!

Laura’s posse snuck(?) her out of the auditorium through a secret back door, dodging the paparazzi, then the Honda Civic Mini-Limo took her off into a night of celebrity parties (or maybe she went to bed). What a life!

P.S. I LOVE comments!

KudoSurf Me!

Hello My Snarky Ones!

Hollywood must truly be out of ideas. First 90210, then 21 Jump Street and now, another tv show from the past is getting a redo.

The Electric Company.

EW has the story here.

And now a confession: I ADORED the Electric Company as a kid. I may have even had an imaginary friend named Karen that bared a striking resemblance to one of the EC Characters. And I might have made a life sized paper doll of her out of old school computer paper–the wide kind that was connected and had the perforated holey edges? Yeah. And I wasn’t even that weird of a kid! It was the 1970s!

Here is the Electric Company’s Mel Mounds (Morgan Freeman) and the Sweet Sweet Sway. God I love You Tube. And the girl on the right with the super long dark hair? My imaginary friend. HAHAHA

Well, according to MTV it looks like the 80s still haven’t left us. 80s hit show 21 Jump Street starring acting god Johnny Deep looks to be hitting the big screens more than 20 years after its first episode hit in 1987. Taking the task of controlling where the new version of the show will go to rising comedic star Jonah Hill. Knowing Hill, we know that it’s going to be one of the funniest take on the show.

“It’s going to have some of the funniest people around in it, and it’s going to be really funny, I hope,” he said. “Or we won’t make it! If it doesn’t turn out funny, I promise you, we will not make it.”

He also mentions that he’s got a “part” for Johnny Deep in the film.  Johnny Deep in a comedy?  I’d love to see this!

Check out some of the memories I had watching this show as a kid down below:

Warrant! Who digs Warrant out there?!

Lewis Black rants at The AV Club.

Interview with Tom Waits here. Please come to the UK oh gravelly prince of song.

He’s also joining the new Terry Gilliam movie to play The Devil.

A red-band for The Happening is doing the rounds.

Miranda July is finally working on a follow-up to Me and You and Everyone We Know.

Which David will win American Idol??

Is Mad Men misogynistic?

Christian Bale is going to do three Terminator movies…

John Updike. Fiction. New Yorker.

Jonah Hill is in negotiations for an updated version of 21 Jump Street.

AA Bondy drops by Daytrotter and gives a fine session.

Finally, an ASBO for rockin’ to The Boss! What is Britain coming too?

Apparently saying “This plan’s been fucked since Jump Street” in one of your movies is enough to earn you these kinds of things.  Set to write and produce the adaptation is our main man, Jonah Hill.  Write AND produce.  That’s an A-list kind of leap if we’ve ever heard of one.  Still not feeling confident about the guy?  Check this quote from an interview with MTV:

“It’s going to have some of the funniest people around in it, and it’s going to be really funny, I hope,” he said. “Or we won’t make it! If it doesn’t turn out funny, I promise you, we will not make it.”

See, anytime a guy uses the word ‘funny’ approximately 12 times in two sentences you know it’s going to be just that.  Actually, in all seriousness, I really hope this one turns out well and have faith in Hill’s ability and supporting cast to pull this off in a cool, original way.  Apparently Hill turned down a co-starring spot alongside the LaBeouf in the Transformers sequel to do this so let’s wish him the best.

More info at The Playlist

OH my Snarky Ones,

It is official. Hollywood is out of ideas. Today’s Variety reports that Superbad’s Jonah Hill is set to star in the remake of 21 Jump Street.

Let me remind you what the main draw of 21 Jump Street was:

RAWRRRRR, right ladies? Officer Tom Hanson can cuff me any ol’ time he wants.

Now let’s look at the 2008 version:

Now doesn’t that just make you long for the good ol’ days?

Alright, I’m off to watch some Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny has aged oh so well, n’est ce pas?

-The Snarkstress

“Supberbad” star Jonah Hill is in negotiations with Sony Studios to write the screenplay for “21 Jump Street” an adaptation from the TV show starring Johnny Depp. It hasn’t been decided yet if Jonah will have an acting role in “21 Jump Street” movie. Jonah will also serve as executive producer. Sony is keeping all plans of “21 Jump Street” underwraps for now.

Entertainment Weekly reports:

http://hollywoodinsider.ew.com/2008/05/21-jump-street.html

With Jonah Hill writing the script, I expect the film to be loads of swearing and sexual dirty talk, seems like Jonah plays that type of character in almost every movie he plays, so I feel the “21 Jump Street” film could get a R rating.

Kev

Voici quelques news que j’ai pu glaner sur le net via des sources officielles ou d’autres blogs spécialisés concernant les prochains tournages de prévus dans les mois et années à suivre :

Point Break 2: et oui une suite est prévue ! le film devrait être réalisé par James de Bont ( Speed, Twister…) , et l’histoire devrait se situer 20 ans après le 1er opus. On ne sait pas encore si Keanu Reeves rempilera pour cette suite.

Thor : Après Iron-man, le célèbre heros mythologique de la saga MArvel devrait également être adapté au cinéma. On murmure le nom de Brad Pitt pour interpréter le Dieu du Tonerre armé de sa massue magique. (j’adorais ses bottes quand j’étais petit ! )

Dustin Nguyen is apparently working on directing a movie called “Monk on Fire” and is describing it as: “an Asian western with bikes instead of horses, swords instead of guns and super powered monks.”

Fuckin awesome. Dustin played Officer Harry Ioki on the late 80s-early 90s show “21 Jump Street.” As one of the first cool API guys on tv (that haircut was smooth), Dustin is a boss.

I was born to be a GMA fan. 

When I was a toddler, we didn’t have a TV set and so I grew up listening to those after-dinner drama over the radio.  Yep, we huddled over the radio just to listen to those heart-pounding thrillers and tearjerkers. 

A major turning point in my life was when one of my father’s sinunod sa kasal rented our kamalig and later on bought a part of our lot and built a house there.  TV then became a part of my life.  My sisters and I would then go to our new neighbor’s place and watch TV, not with our not-so-pretty noses pressed against the window pane but in their living room!!! Talk about being jologs.  Hehehe.  I’m a certified jologs, everyone!  My father always told us that we were poor in the hopes that we would never want anything that we didn’t really need and I guess that has instilled the values of money and gratitude in us.  And having been consistent with that, he never bought a TV set.  But because he allowed us to go to our neighbor’s place, I became die-hard That’s Entertainment, Mother Studio Presents, Regal Shocker, Probe Team and what-have-you fan.  Well, blame it on having two older sisters (I was five, they were then 17 and 21–you get the picture) who were into uberteenybopper stuff.  God, now that I think about it!  Ugh! 

When we finally got our black and white TV set (huhuhu!) way back 1988, we practically treated GMA like CNN–well, there was no cable TV in Molave then, duh!  So then I relished in Beauty and the Beast (the poetry! and the love story, unforgettable), 21 Jump Street (that TV series where Johnny Depp was a mainstay prior to his phenomenal portrayal as Edward Scissorhands–yes, Johnny and I already knew each other way before he became reeaaalllly famous! He was in A Nightmare on Elm Street but who remembers anybody else there when Englund whose portrayal of Freddy Krueger was unparalleled.), Miami Vice, Mission Impossible (yeah, baby, this is pre-Tom Cruise!!!), and the walang kamatayang Vilma!  Hehe.  Late night viewing meant Regal Shocker, Mother Studio Presents, Probe Team and those awesome TV reportage by the legends. And of course, what perhaps helped swayed Papa’s mind, there was FPJ sa GMA. LOL.

I got to watch Eat Bulaga, then in RPN (or was it IBC?) then in ABS-CBN because my father and I used to eat lunch at my uncle’s place where they were avid Eat Bulaga fans.  I can still remember the show’s perpetual plugs of Dakak.  Then they moved to GMA.  And my evening viewing list added Okay Ka Fairy Ko in.  And yes, I was never allowed to watch TV on schoolnights but I managed to “get a glass of water” and other things that took me to where I could view the TV set without being too obvious. 

With the advent of cable television, we succumbed to the changes but for some reason, my heart remained with GMA.  Yes, there were times when I would switch to ABS-CBN every now and then–my course in college taught me to be channel surf to see the various facets of TV programming and all that jazz.  My TV life now includes HBO TV series like the Sex and the City, Sopranos, Rome and many others.  Then came the CSI trio, Prison Break, Law and Order, Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and a whole lot more, including reality TV shows.  LOL.  I’m no couch potato but I “watch” TV while doing my stuff on my laptop or even while sleeping. 

But all throughout my heart remained with GMA.  And I don’t even have to watch TV to remain faithful.  Every now and then I watch ABS-CBN because I don’t like not knowing what some people talk about in small talks, etc.  But never for long.  That’s what flashback/return/recall buttons are for. 

I have worked with people who come from GMA in the course of my college life, and people who have worked in ABS-CBN, and other local networks.  The glow is totally different–not to mention most of them are really nice.  Of course, Maam Cheche Lazaro is something else.  She’s of a dying breed. 

Perhaps when you’re loyal to something you get really biased about it but most of the time, I do try to be objective–like when Probe Team moved out of GMA except Bernadette Sembrano’s disgusting Saksi walkout, when Karen Davila who polished her investigative journalism nails in Brigada Siete crossed over followed by her then boyfriend DJ Sta. Ana who, only a few days back, helped Maki Pulido cover the emotional stepping down of Pres. Estrada.  But much as I tried, I really couldn’t understand Angel Locsin.  What she did is unforgiveable and unacceptable. I won’t even begin to comment on that ingrate. 

While GMA is taking the ratings game by the balls, I can still say that No.1 or not, I’m still a fan.  Not only because GMA refuses to let the masses believe and see formula programming that has been around for as long as my grandparents can remember because it sells.  Not only because the network continues to take innovative steps regardless of whether the viewing public accept them right away.  Not because GMA has chosen to devote more time in coming up with better programming rather than expanding worldwide.  But because in doing what it has been doing all these years, GMA has helped upgrade the mentality of those watching at home.  And for me, that’s the most important.  If there’s one person who truly embodies the thrust of GMA, that’s Michael V.  Look at the man.  He’s successful–career- and family-wise.  He’s funny.  He’s smart.  He’s talented.  He thinks out of the box and he continues to explore unchartered areas in the entertainment industry.  And that is why he stays with the network that shares his advocacy to service to the Filipino people to a higher level. 

And that is why I do too.

Eller i alla fall regnar det rätt mycket..och jag har väldigt ont i huvudet. Skulle ha varit på arbetsförmedlingen idag, men låg å hade ont i huvudet och missade det totalt..så nu måste jag dit imorgon igen och få en ny tid. Hoppas att det går lösa så att jag slipper stanna kvar här nere till nästa vecka, min plan är att dra norrut imorgon kväll.

I övrigt har jag inte fått speciellt mycket gjort med städningen idag..mest legat i soffan och haft ont i huvudet. Tittat på lite tv-serier; 21 Jump Street och Hell´s Kitchen. Hell´s Kitchen är en dokusåpa där priset är en egen restaurang att basa över. De har precis börjat sända den tredje säsongen av serien i USA, och det ser ut att bli minst lika bra som de övriga. För att ni läsare ska få en liten bild av vad det handlar om lägger jag in ett klipp med trailern för tredje säsongen.

Man skulle nog kunna säga att jag är en TV-junkie och det kan nog stämma till viss del, har serier jag följer slaviskt och ser alltid minst en nyhetssänding varje dag..om jag hinner. Det finns otroligt många bra serier, tyvärr. Tänk vad mycket annat man skulle kunna göra med sin tid istället för att se på TV, eller?

Egentligen finns det ingen mening med att nyproducera tv-serier, finns hur många som helst av de gamla som fortfarande håller…i alla fall i mitt tycke. Nu är jag i och för sig en tv-seriejunkie, men ändå.

Till exempel de så kallade ungdomsserier som sänds i sommarlovs TV, behöver inte vara nya varje år. Det skulle räcka med ett par stycken att rulla runt på, detta eftersom de som tittar på sommarlovs TV gör det i ett par år…och sen är de i åldern när det är för gamla (enligt dem själva). Och när serierna efter några år fortfarande sänds blir det nostalgi, som det skulle varit för min del..om det var ett sådant system.

I övrigt finns det många bra serier från förr ändå exempelvis 21 Jump Street, serien som tog Johnny Depp mot stjärnorna. Serien blev nämligen hans genombrott som sedan öppnade vägen mot alla de filmer som verkligen gjorde honom känd för hela världen. Det är inte bara han som gör serien sevärd, även de andra skådespelarna i serien är bra och gör även de serien sevärd. Det är lite annat än många av serierna idag…där det tycks läggas mindre energi på bra skådespelande, och mer på produktplacering. Alla avsnitt av 21 Jump Street finns att köpa på discshop.se.

För att reta er nyfikenhet lite finns här ett klipp från pilotavsnittet av serien.

15 Mayo 2008

Johnny Depp: ‘21 Jump Street’ podría llegar al cine.

El show que hizo famoso al actor de ‘Sweeney Todd’ estaría en proceso de adaptación para llegar a la pantalla grande, de la mano del comediante Jonah Hill.

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