In her book about women’s second adulthood, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives, Suzanne Braun Levine provides us with some exiting data concerning the aging brain. Dr. Francine Benes, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has discovered that there is a growth spurt that takes place in the human brain around the age of fifty. Myelin, which is the fatty layer that covers nerve fibers, actually grows about fifty percent during this time. This coating is responsible for aiding the brain to more effectively synthesize life experiences and to enhance the ability to make thoughtful judgments and prudent decisions.  

Even better, the location of this growth spurt is found within the area of the cerebral cortex that is identified with emotional learning. Perhaps, as Levine suggests, this myelin growth factor may likely play a part in creating the highly revered trait we call wisdom.

So, next time we search for our car keys, call our son by the dog’s name, or forget to tell our husband his boss phoned, we have to remember that somewhere in our noggin there’s a whole heap of wisdom going on!

Yes, for women over fifty, or, for that matter, most anyone of any age, modern travel isn’t easy. I just returned from a week’s trip to the heartland visiting my relatives and, although I had a wonderful time, the going wasn’t easy.

To start, I awoke at 3:45 a.m. to give myself enough time to shower and finalize my packing so that I could make my 7:06 plane. There was an earlier flight I could have taken that would have given me more time to make my connection, but that one left at 5:45 a.m. As I opted to luxuriate in a couple of hours extra sleep (a 1 a.m. wake-up is a bit too much at my tender age), I was concerned I might miss it.

Not to worry! When I arrived at the airport the check-in line wound in tight snake-like twists and turns, and then headed halfway up the hallway to the gates. Someone behind me announced that the airlines had cancelled both the 5:45 and the 7:06 and the line was composed of two planeloads of people trying to rebook their reservations.

What fun! It only took two hours to finally get to a reservations agent. I shouldn’t complain, however, because there were people much older than I who were similarly inconvenienced. They even required wheelchairs because that doggone line was so long that they thought they might pass out or crumple to their knees on the hard linoleum floor.

By the time I reached an agent, her likely once obliging smile was frozen in a frustrated grimace… no doubt having been the recipient of numerous angry complaints. And, yes, I added my own to her list. Try as I may, battling both the recorded voice “customer service” computer and the polite but unintelligible folks in India, I was stuck. Lucky me—I only had another seven hours to wait for an outbound flight. Instead of my anticipated 5 p.m. arrival, I got to inconvenience my brother by landing at midnight.

I remember flying with my mother and brother in the 1950s and loving the experience. We’d get all dressed up and settle into our comfy seats waiting for the familiar hum of the propellers to start-up and wend us on our way. The stewardesses were nattily attired in their fashionable uniforms, smiling and ever so helpful. They’d warm my brother’s baby bottles, and then sit next to me to play several hands of Old Maid, keeping me happily occupied and giving my mother a chance to relax.

Ah… the good old days! Do I sound grumpy and judgmental? Am I showing my years with a cantankerous, crotchety attitude? Well, YES, and I stand by all my wrinkled rectitude! As far as the airlines are concerned, a return to yesteryear and the gracious ways of an earlier era wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it would surely prove a boon to the flying public and make one old grumpy gal very, very pleased.

Yes, I admit it. I used to scoff at the young and technically savvy who went on about the “friends” they met over the Internet. “Friends?” I asked. “How can you call someone a friend when you’ve never even met?”

Well, I’m here to tell you that I have totally reversed my opinion on that one. In the past several months, since I’ve started blogging, I have become acquainted with some absolutely amazing women. Although we haven’t yet met face-to-face, or even spoken on the phone, I consider these ladies my friends. Some have left wonderful, uplifting comments on Feisty Side of Fifty. Some have linked to various posts I’ve written, and some have gone so far as to award me the honor of being a guest blogger on their sites.

However, there is a very special group I’d like to mention. The Baby Boomer Divas, a.k.a. Boomer Diva Nation, is an incredible pool of powerful and accomplished women—most of whom have already celebrated their half-century birthdays. Although they are all in midlife, the group is rich in diversity. The ladies hail from differing backgrounds, careers, and geographical areas, and from different races, ethnicities, and religions. The common theme is one that their leader, Beverly Mahone, stresses: women on the move and making a difference.

Mahone, who is a veteran journalist, author, media coach and motivational speaker, has written her own book on the many facets of aging. Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age takes a candid look at issues such as weight gain, menopause, and dating after forty, among others. After twenty-five years in radio and television, Mahone chose to become a work-at-home-mom. She now acts as a media consultant and counsels individuals as to how to best market themselves to radio, TV, and newspaper professionals. She’s a recognized expert on all things Boomer and has a radio show targeted to boomer women.

It is with great pleasure that I claim this talented and accomplished woman as my friend. She gifted me with an invitation to join the Boomer Diva Nation several months ago and, since that time, my life has changed… and all for the better! Through these ladies, I’ve been given wonderful and exciting opportunities to stretch myself personally and grow my career in new directions.

Beverly’s most recent gift to me was an opportunity to appear on her radio show, Whatever Live! I enjoyed the experience immensely—actually it was a blast. Beverly’s combination of professionalism, wonderful energy, and engaging personality make her the consummate radio host. I’d love to have you take a listen.

Yes, cyberspace or face-to-face, nothing beats a warm and caring friend. 

When was the last time you turned on the TV to find a face looking back at you that resembled your own? Yes, there are a few, but the names of these actresses no longer appear at the top of the credits. Even if they are series regulars, they usually play supporting roles: mothers, grandmothers, or recurring guest stars. It seems that, just like Elvis, the Golden Girls have left the building—or, more accurately, the soundstage.

Movies aren’t much better. If it weren’t for Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep, you could barely find a woman of a certain age gracing the big screen.

Well, that’s all about to change and, once again, social norms are reacting to the boomers and our numerical clout. Our famous bulge (and I’m talking population—not waistline) has served us well over the years, ensuring that our wishes and demands were heard. And, as older women in menopause, we’re not getting any less outspoken or assertive.  We want our due!

I came across an article in the Detroit Free Press that addressed how our generation is impacting Hollywood and the entertainment industry. They cite two current box office smashes: “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” with Harrison Ford, and the movie, “Sex in the City.”  At 65, Ford is a bit older than the leading edge boomers and, other than Kim Cattrall, the “City” stars are in their early forties, a bit younger than our years. So, the stars of these movies straddle both ends of our generation—and, of course, men are allowed to be the older ones. Still, this is progress!

I’m waiting for more films starring actresses in their fifties and sixties that have story-lines showcasing the lives of women in their post-menopausal years. These will feature real-life tales of love, passion, challenge, and triumph, and will reflect, with some creative license, what it’s like to grow older as a woman in our culture.

We’ve waited a long time for this, yet hope springs eternal. So, show me a wrinkle or two, let me hear the heroine grunt when she rises from a sitting position, let’s see her forget where she left her bifocals. I’m waiting to see myself, in all my wrinkled glory, reflected on the silver screen and so are 76 million of my peer group. Wake up Hollywood and smell the Geritol! 

Many of you read my last post entitled “Raise Your Havingness Quotient!”  Although I often write about this idea and firmly believe that women over fifty are, more than ever before, ready to own their power, at least, for me, it doesn’t hurt to revisit this concept from time to time. So, I’m sharing one of my very favorite quotes. It speaks to just this issue and I have it hanging in my office as a way of reminding myself that, yes indeed, I am powerful beyond measure…  and so are you!

You have probably seen this before because it has made the rounds. Nevertheless, the words of Marianne Williamson do serve to inspire and spark the genius that resides within each of us. A gentle reminder of our greatness can never be repeated too often.

         Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

         Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

         It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

         We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

         Actually, who are you not to be?

         Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

         There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people 

         won’t feel insecure around you.

         We were born to manifest the glory that is within us.

         It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

         And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people

         permission to do the same.

         As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

         Marianne Williamson

         A Return to Love 

You may be wondering what I’m talking about. But, there is such a thing as a “havingness quotient” and it’s worth examining and developing. I know, because I recently had my own shaken in ways I never could have imagined.

I have been working on a goal for over five years. When I started, it seemed far out of reach if not impossible. I encountered one hurdle after another and each success was followed by a disappointment. It was almost as if I’d take two steps forward and one step back.

However, I wanted this badly enough to persevere against the odds. My stubbornness kicked in and I doggedly put my nose to the grindstone despite the scrapes and scratches the grinding left on my poor proboscis.

Then a seeming miracle happened—things began to fall into place! I began to get recognized for my work and signs of support started to spring up where I’d least expected. I was ecstatic!

To my surprise, after the initial thrill and amazement began to wear off, I became anxious and began to fall into a funk. What if I couldn’t perform up to expectation? What if I were playing the imposter? What if I would fail? All these questions and doubts started to swirl through my brain and I began to feel immobilized.

But then, a dear friend who is also a therapist, mentioned that I might be struggling with issues related to my ability to “have.” She suggested I try a little exercise to measure my havingness quotient. It’s quite simple and, if you ever have doubts that you are deserving of an outcome, I suggest you give it a try.

Sit quietly, close your eyes and go inside. Imagine that you have a measuring stick running up your body and this gauges your feelings of worthiness for a particular result. It is marked from one to ten and acts like a barometer so that your score can raise and lower.

When I first attempted this, my ranking was a three—far from reaching my desired outcome. If you believe in the Law of Attraction, such a low score was sabotaging my chances for ultimate success. Aware of this, I’m now diligently practicing raising my havingness quotient. I check in frequently to see how high I can take my readings and I’m happy to say that I’m now a seven and climbing.

I pass this along so that each of you can raise your numbers and your potential. If you have spent valuable energy and time devoted to accomplishing a much desired goal, then it’s worth a bit of extra effort. Why not give this little exercise a try and make your own way to the top? 

My dear friend, Dahlynn McKowen, an amazing lady who’s an award winning author and highly respected editor, turned me on to a most wonderful site. I just had to share it.

It’s called Design-her Gals and it’s an innovative stationery company that allows you to create your own likeness and affix it to invitations, note cards, and the like. The fun part is that you can make yourself into quite the dish and then adorn your body with designer outfits and accessories that make for a fashionable new you. No bad hair days here!

But, even more than that, there is an important mission behind the fun. Design-her Gals was founded by Jeanne Fitzmaurice, who lost both her cousin and her best friend to Stage IV Breast Cancer. In their honor, she also created the Gal to Gal Foundation and five percent of every sale goes to the non-profit. If you choose, you can donate directly and support this important organization.

Over 300,000 patients worldwide will lose their lives to Stage IV Breast Cancer this year. Funds are often scarce for those in this critical stage, when health insurance benefits may be reduced or cancelled, family bank accounts become depleted, and hospice care is hard to find. This is where the Gal to Gal foundation steps in. Their main beneficiary is an organization called “Making Memories.”

Making Memories is dedicated to making a wish come true for women and men who are losing their battle against breast cancer. The wishes and memory-making events they bestow allow the individual the opportunity to put aside the realities of their illness, enjoy themselves, and leave one final, beautiful memory for their family.

So, take some time to visit this remarkable site and take full advantage of the combination of creativity and a  cause. You’ll end up having a lot of fun and helping to make a lasting memory all at the same time. 

In this world, it is difficult sometimes for us to figure out what we wish to do or how to get to where we want to go in our lives. Well, Amy Sherman, author of “Distress Free Aging” has written a book to help baby boomers creative a purposeful life.

I had an opportunity to ask Amy a few questions about her book:

What do you think is one of the biggest challenges for boomers as we age? There are many challenges, but one of the biggest is having to deal with our aging parents, while we’re still raising our kids and trying to fit it all in while we’re working full time.  Some other challenges include realizing that we, ourselves, are aging and unable to fulfill our dreams.  This challenge leaves us disillusioned and disenchanted with our prospects and sometimes at a loss with what to do.  Of course, a shift in perspective, some inspiration, good solid goals and strong motivation can change all that and transform us into who we want to be, if we are willing.

 Is our generation facing unique stresses that those who came before us did not?  I think we recognize that we are stressed more than previous generations.   It’s the new “buzz” word of our times.  Technology has also added to our stress, with communication between generations easier and with obligations greater. 

 How do women cope differently than men? Women are naturally more emotional, more sensitive, and can recognize their feelings easier than men.  Women also participate in more self-help workshops, which gives them greater insight and skills to cope with their challenges.    Women, in general may be more open to alternative ways of thinking and behaving than men, just because they are natural nurturers and mediators, always trying to smooth things out and foster cooperation.

 Please provide one or two simple strategies we can use to de-stress our lives.

Designate jobs to others so you don’t have to feel overwhelmed.  We sometimes feel we have to do everything, but there’s lots of help out there available when you ask.

Also, make sure you have time for yourself by meditating, doing yoga, exercising, reading, etc.  There should be no guilt expressed for having a few minutes to yourself, just because you deserve it.

Yesterday this blog tour was with Phyllis Goldberg at http://www.hermentorcenter.com and tomorrow the blog tour will be with Kathryn Little’s blog with http://www.princesstrinkadink.blogspot.com

Okay, ladies—let’s get real. When most of us gals over fifty say we’re “hanging loose,” the phrase has taken on an entirely new meaning. Yes, I must confess that a lot of me has morphed into flesh that settles into loose folds whenever I sit, bend, or button a waistband. I do try to keep up with my aerobics and even lift weights a couple of times a week. Yet, despite my efforts, gravity seems to be tugging extra hard these days.

Thankfully, the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in American authors and they are writing a number of books to cash in on aging boomers and our worries over the visible signs of growing older. Not long ago, I came across an article in USA Today that discussed the latest crop of anti-aging books filled with dos and don’ts for the mature woman. Each of them looks interesting to me as I’m hoping to hang on to whatever looks I have left. But, I do have my limits!

The article suggests that a woman in her fifties or sixties is pleased to be alive (rather than dead by this age of decrepitude) but that she can’t pass a mirror without averting her eyes. Now, maybe my vision is going faster than I’d thought but I can still look myself in the mirror without gagging or fleeing the scene totally repulsed by the appallingly wizened reflection.

Shockingly, I like myself better now than when I was younger and so do most of my friends. Why not write a book about that? Yes, it may be important to look our best at any age. And, yes, looks do affect our self-esteem but so does a lifetime of growth and development. I may not wear my wrinkles proudly but I don’t despise them either. A lifetime of friends and laughter, memories and family, and challenges and triumphs more than makes up for a few lines. And, no one need avert her eyes at that!

 I came across a simple demonstration that really hit home. Some of you may have seen this before but it’s one of those important messages that bears repeating.

The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee…

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.” The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions. If everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and hobbies. The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there’s no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.”

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you’ll never have room for the things that are important to you. So… pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness:

·      Enjoy your children and grandchildren

·      Make special time to celebrate with your partner

·      Play every day.

·      Be grateful for your blessings.

“Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.” It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

A very happy Mothers Day to each of you. This is a grand golf ball indeed!

In order to keep ideas fresh and flowing, I’m going to be inviting guest bloggers to share their perspectives on growing older. There are new boomer sites bursting forth into cyber space on a daily basis and this is a post from one of my very favorites. The Magnolia Diaries, Volume II is chock full of ideas, quotes, musings, and wonderfully crafted writing. I’m always blown away whenever I visit. I know you’ll find the same when you drop in. Here’s a recent post concerning midlife and menopause:

So, here we are into May and I don’t know about you, but I’m still waiting for spring. In the deep south where I originally hail from, I’m certain they are enjoying very mild and spring like temperatures. However, here in the north we’re still trying to figure out if it’s winter we want, or spring. Personally, I love winter and wouldn’t mind snow 9 months out of the year (must be the menopause speaking with those hot flashes and all), but I also wouldn’t mind a few weeks of nice spring, early summer temperatures. Yet, we are still not quite there yet.

So, as I look at the forecasts nearly daily to see if we will have warm temperatures or cool, I can’t help but think of the years that I first began my adventure into perimenopause.

Much like this time of year, with it’s constant changing, it was turbulent. There were ups and downs and times when I blew through my life with the emotional force of a cat-5 hurricane. It was not only unpleasant for me, but extremely difficult for my family as well. Though the physical changes were challenging and sent me running to the nearest doctor and herbalist for relief, I must say the bigger and more difficult changes were those that I went through psychologically.

No one prepares you for those types of changes and I don’t think I would be exaggerating if I said that it was very much like teenage years. Very volatile and very much a time of trying to figure out who you are…again. Except, this time you’re redefining what you had worked so hard to define those first 40 years of your life.

Yes, it’s that big and for many, that difficult. I’m embarrassed to say this, because now that I’m beyond it, it seems so silly. But the truth is, as a young woman I defined myself by my sexuality and my ability to produce children. I mean, let’s face it, when you are a young girl approaching adolescence, all you can think about is when you will get your period and the first time you’re going to have sex. Ok, maybe you didn’t, but I did. (and I don’t think I’m too terribly alone in this.)

The onset of menses signals womanhood in the minds of young girls and every young girl wants to be a woman.  She wants to be beautiful and desired. This doesn’t change as one gets older.  We are still that little girl in heart who wants (and maybe even needs) to be beautiful and desired. So, perhaps this is why many of us struggle so when we reach the menopause years. If we have spent a lifetime defining ourselves through our fertility and sexuality, then it only stands reason that when it changes, so does your self-image.

I’m not altogether sure this is a bad thing…you know, defining yourself through your fertility and sexuality. Maybe it’s quite natural. And so it’s also quite natural to begin a new definition when this part of you changes. It doesn’t make it any less traumatic however, for many of us anyway. And I certainly grieved in the truest sense of the word.

It took many years and lots of herbal supplements to get through those times, but I can say now with a certainty that I am feeling much better about life and who I am. Though I’m still not too fond of those darn hairs that keep cropping up above my lip, I would say that the lessening of estrogen and the emergence of testosterone in my body is proving to be a good thing. And oh yeah, good news ladies, sexuality hasn’t left. 

Yeah, there’s some rocking and rolling there for awhile as those hormones are trying to find a new place to live and the changing most definitely affects your libido.  But, it’s not permanent. In fact, the biggest secret out there is that women in their fifties and older are still highly sexual creatures.  (Can you hear that loud whoop?  That would be my husband)

If you are already menopausal, this is not news to you. But to those of you behind me that have yet to enter this tumultuous time, or perhaps you already have…take heart. There is something better on the other side. Grandchildren! 

Those of you who read this blog know what a big fan I am of menopause. Studies show that the years past fifty are generally some of the most vital and happy in a woman’s life. The ratio of testosterone to estrogen shifts and we tend to get more outspoken, more assertive, and usually have a real urge to express ourselves in new and creative ways.

I got the opportunity to do just that when I appeared on our local ABC affiliate TV show, View From the Bay, talking about this very topic. In fact the segment was called, “Celebrating Menopause!” I realize that everyone might not use these terms but there truly is much to be grateful for at this age.

Menopause becomes the time when many women find the courage be true to ourselves in our full and abundant uniqueness. We are far less worried about fitting in or living up to the expectations of others and far more concerned with following our own heart.

So, go out and make this time your own. Take risks, stretch yourself, and find ways to be creative. In fact, why not get downright bodacious?! There never was a better time to follow your dreams and honor your SELF.

As Norman Vincent Peale once said, “You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind. Your mind gets bored and therefore tired of doing nothing. Get interested in something! Get absolutely enthralled in something! Get out of yourself! Be somebody! Do something! The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” 

We’ve now reached the third and final stage of the transitions process. (My last several posts have dealt with emotional states that an individual typically experiences when going through a major life change.)

Somewhere towards the end of the “pit stage,” the urge to look back, mourn your losses, and remain stuck in the past subsides. At this point, people begin putting the majority of their focus towards the future. They’re eager to move forward and chart a new course in life.

Although this is generally a positive time, filled with hope and anticipation, this period can also present some pitfalls along the way. Sometimes, people are so relieved to have put painful feelings behind them, that they can become overly eager and act impulsively.

If one is conducting job search, something might come along and she’s offered a position. Although her head is telling them to take it, reservations are lurking somewhere in the back of her mind. For such scenarios, it is always best to have created a list of seven or eight “must-haves” before mounting an active search. This provides a benchmark to measure how appropriate the job offer is and how well it will suit your individual goals and needs.

Finally, at the end of the transition process, an individual moves through to her next life stage and onto acceptance and understanding of the experience. Usually, she will gain a new perspective about herself, her strengths, her aspirations and needs, and her own life’s path.

Williams Bridges, author of the book, Transitions, defined the process: an ending followed by a period of distress and confusion leading to a new beginning. And Elisabeth Kübler Ross also wrote of transitions in her book, On Death and Dying. She identified similar transitional stages, which she called the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

So, when undergoing any major life transition, be it the loss of a job, being faced with a serious illness, or other events that have a significant impact on you, realize that there are certain predictable stages and certain emotional states that are a part of the process. Know also that you will come out on the other side having gained a greater knowledge of yourself and the strength of your own inner resources.

 As Ben Stein, writer, TV personality, and actor said: “It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated…it is finished only when it surrenders.” 

Whenever a person undergoes any major life transition, there are typical emotional states that she will experience. We’ll now take a look at the second stage… the most difficult and painful part of the process. (If you haven’t read my previous post, please refer to it now so that you can understand the first stage and the beginning of the process.)

Once the initial shock has subsided, reality sinks in. This part of the transition process is often called, “the pit stage” and with good reason. People come face-to-face with the fact that life will be different. They frequently experience feelings of sadness and grief at their loss. Many will feel anxious and afraid and some will become withdrawn and consumed with worry. In the case of a job loss, people will often ask themselves, “Will I ever find another job I like?” Or, “How can I pay the rent and put food on the table?”

These are real concerns and we don’t want to minimize them in any way. One of the best methods to address such fears is to face them head on. In the case with finances, it’s wise to put pen to paper and write out a detailed budget. Which payments must you make on a monthly basis? Where can you economize? Who can you turn to if you need emergency funds? By putting your budget down on paper, you’ll take your fears from an amorphous, black cloud hanging over your head to a concrete plan. This should help to alleviate a number of your concerns and help you focus on other matters.

As far as finding a new position, you’ll want to do the same thing. Do your research, talk with people, get your resume together, and make a plan. How many calls will you make each day? How many resumes will you send out weekly? How many hours will you put towards your search on a daily basis? By writing out your action steps, you can provide a tracking process for your search. This will give you something tangible to refer to and will greatly help with any feelings of anxiety that the pit stage can bring.

And, finally, try to focus on your future with optimism. Many of us are advocates of the Law of Attraction, and we’ve seen how positive thoughts influence outcomes in our lives. So, track your successes, have confidence in your abilities, and chart your course. Success will be waiting just around the corner.

Be sure to come back and take a look at the third and final stage of transition; what to watch for and how to move forward on your very own path to a brighter future.  

In my last post, I talked about how corporate downsizing is an unavoidable fact of life in today’s economy. I also mentioned that, rather than being a bad thing, losing one’s job can actually prove the threshold to new and fulfilling directions. Sometimes, undergoing a shake-up, whether wanted or not, can jolt us out of merely going through the motions and awaken us to living on a more conscious basis.

Nevertheless, when one is laid off, especially from long-term employment, she generally experiences a roller coaster of emotions. There are, however, certain predictable stages to periods of major life transitions and it’s helpful to know what to expect. That way, you and your loved ones can prepare.

The first stage reported by those who are experiencing major shifts in their lives is usually one of shock, denial, and disbelief. People say that they feel somewhat numb and there is a sense of unreality attached to the situation. They often have trouble concentrating and making plans. Life feels fuzzy and out of kilter.

Another coping mechanism many use is to minimize the impact of the experience. Individuals may swear that “it’s no big deal” and that their lives are relatively unaffected by the change. Some may even experience a bit of an emotional high. This is often seen in news stories of families who have lost their homes due to a natural disaster. “We’ve lost everything… but we’re okay. We’re altogether, we’re safe, and we’ll rebuild. After all, these were just things.” Such sentiments are admirable but often change after the shock has worn off. It is almost as if our subconscious tries to buffer the blow by denying its impact—a form of self-protection until we can deal with the situation.

Others may use anger to divert their more vulnerable feelings. It’s often easier to get angry and place blame outside of ourselves and onto those around us. That way, the shock and hurt are masked as we become consumed with self-righteous resentment. “How could they do this to me after all I’ve done?” or “I’ve worked my tail off for these people and this is how they repay me!”

In my next post, we’ll address stage two of the transition period. Whether you’re experiencing the loss of your job or other major, life-altering event, the road to renewal may be a rocky one. Despite the initial pain, however, the change often leads to a revitalized sense of self and on to new challenges and exciting directions.

Lately, wherever you turn, you can’t miss the news on the economy. It spews from talking heads on TV, from radio broadcasters, and from big, bold headlines: businesses, both large and small, are tightening their corporate belts and laying off workers in droves. Especially vulnerable to these shifting tides are older employees.

Of course, the suits would never admit it, but the recent economic downturn provides the opportunity to unload employees who have worked long years to achieve some pretty big salaries. Adding to the financial cost of older workers is the mindset that we are no longer willing to disregard the fullness of our lives, focus solely on the grindstone, and cheerfully put in a sixty-hour workweek. Whether or not this is true, the perception is there.

So, what does that mean for us women over fifty? Actually, this can prove a positive and motivating turn of events. Many of us may be in careers of long standing and are feeling that we are ready for a change. Although we may be less than enamored with our situation, it is the brave few who willingly opt to turn away from the familiar and head into uncharted territory. So, although we may not recognize it at the time, getting the corporate shove out of the nest is just what we need.

In fact, it is often the difficult periods of our lives that provide us with the greatest gifts. Distress often leads to progress. When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters: one represents danger but the other represents opportunity.

I’m a career and life transition counselor by profession and will spend several upcoming posts addressing career issues. As I’ve written many times before, this period in our lives can be our most rewarding and successful. We are at the top of our game. We have honed our skills, expanded our experience, and own our strengths like never before.

Again, it all comes down to our attitude. We ladies over fifty have earned the right to know that our work has meaning beyond a paycheck. This truly is our time to express ourselves, both at home and in the workplace, in all our wondrous maturity.

Here’s an article on businesses for boomers to get you thinking in some new and different ways.

I love the book, Gift From the Sea. Although it was originally written in the 1950s, Anne Morrow Lindbergh exhibited a life-force and style that was far ahead of her time. Or, maybe not. Perhaps, I’m just flaunting the bravado and self-indulgent pride we boomers are known for. Maybe our mothers and the women of their age group were not as housebound and repressed as we imagined. Maybe they knew secrets at midlife that might prove important lessons for each one of us. At any rate, Lindbergh certainly did.

Having known great tragedy in her life, the kidnapping and murder of her twenty-month-old son, she must have experienced her share of soul searching. This reflects beautifully in her writing; there is a depth of spirit and self-revelation on every page.

Gift From the Sea is about women, relationships, and growing older—all examined through comparison to various seashells. Throughout, Lindbergh reminds us of the gifts we often overlook, but which are so essential to our nature and inner wellbeing.

Describing midlife, she writes: “We Americans, with our terrific emphasis on youth, action, and material success, certainly tend to belittle the afternoon of life and even to pretend it never comes. We push the clock back and try to prolong the morning, over-reaching and over-straining ourselves in the unnatural effort… In our breathless attempts we often miss the flowering that waits for afternoon.”

I treasure this passage and I treasure this book. As I look at the pages, yellowed with time, it is a true gift. It was my mother’s and I inherited it after she died. Yes, perhaps she did have her own important secrets at midlife and, now, she’s passing these down to me.

Are you ready for a baby boomer girls’ weekend away? If so, you’ll want to know about the Baby Boomer Girlfriends’ Getaway sponsored by BAM Enterprises. This happening event will be held in Daytona Beach, Florida April 18-20. The weekend will be filled with social and networking opportunities, including a luncheon featuring Bern Nadette Stanis, “Thelma” from Good Times, as the keynote speaker. You won’t want to miss it. So, go to http://www.enjoyyourmenopause.com for more details about this event.

 Mary Eileen: What are some of the unexpected, unique things at the event? 

Beverly: Everything about this event is “unique.”  This isn’t your average women’s conference.  This is a Baby Boomer Girlfriends’ Spring Break.  We are coming together as a diverse group of women who are going to be educated, entertained and empowered!  We’re going to leave our cares and woes in our hometowns and throw caution to the wind on the Daytona Beach sandy beaches. Besides, where else can you go and get to do the Zumba?   

 Mary Eileen: What kind of response have you received since creating the event? 

 Beverly: The response has been wonderful!  It seems as though women have been waiting for an event like this.  Usually, when you go to women’s conferences, you have a lot of seminars and vendors and we’re going to have some of that.  But, what makes us unique is that we are treating this like a real Spring Break. The time has come for mature women to be able to getaway from the everyday hustle and bustle of life and do something just for ourselves with other “mature-minded” women.   

Mary Eileen:  Who will be presenting at the event and what are some of the topics that will be covered?

Beverly: We have 15 presenters who will be covering topics ranging from caring for aging parents to looking fabulous after 40, 50 & 60.  Several members of Boomer Diva Nation will be presenting:

Linda Alexander:  How to Get Started as a Professional Writer

Shirley Mitchell:  Sensational after Sixty

Pam Archer:       Fitness 101 (Zumba workout instructor)

Debra Stokes:    Hearing Your Own Voice

Heidi Richards:   Social Networking

 And the cool thing about these seminars is that someone will walk away with a $100 Visa Gift Card just for being there.  Thanks to an anyomous angel investor, the seminar facilitators will be giving them away at the end of their presentations.  There is a catch, though.  The person whose name is called must be sitting in the seminar at the time of the drawing.

 Don’t forget if you have missed our blog tour yesterday—http://www.solspeaks.com/karens-joint

 And tomorrow, the blog tour goes to http://www.vickimtaylor.com/blogs/

Yes, spring is officially here. This time of year is always invigorating and life affirming as new growth springs forth in colorful and aromatic ways. I live in Northern California and the hillsides are now brightly dappled with wild flowers, most especially with our state’s floral symbol, the California poppy—a welcome sight indeed!

As nature shows off her lovely display of bountiful buds and blooms, my thoughts turn to the creativity that comes as a woman enters her own second season. We ladies are lucky enough to enjoy a second blooming… perhaps even more beautiful than the first. Although menopause marks the end of physical creativity, as we can no longer give birth, this special time heralds a new creativity of the mind, the spirit, and the imagination.

After fifty, many of us experience a heightened urge to express ourselves. We may choose to do this in a number of ways. Perhaps, we’ll want to write down our thoughts and life experiences; creating a memoir, family history, or a blog. Maybe, we will choose the visual arts, taking up sketching or photography. Or, we might wish to give back and be of service to others, volunteering our talents and time in ways that are meaningful to society. Whatever creative means we select, this is the time in our lives to draw from the wisdom of our years and share our unique and ripened sense of self with others.

The years past fifty provide us with both the drive and the opportunity to take stock and make necessary changes. So, to make certain that you are taking best advantage of this special time, ask yourself the following:

What are the ways you see yourself growing and changing?

How are you honoring your own voice?

In which ways are you expressing yourself creatively?

Just like the time change marking the transformation from standard to daylight savings, menopause is our time to “spring forward.” How will you update your internal clock? How will you burst forth in a show of renewal and rebirth? How will you bloom throughout the second season of you life? 

I know I come off as the Pollyanna of menopause—fervently and forever championing the great change. But I do want to acknowledge the struggles of my younger sisters. Perimenopause is no picnic. I was reminded of that fact reading a post by a dear cyber-friend over at the Magnolia Diaries. She has struggled through years of discomfort and is very honest and open about her journey. For those of you who are suffering, I strongly suggest you take a look at her blog.

The physical reasons behind all of that bodily turmoil are well documented. Gail Sheehy, the author of a number of books about life passages, tells us that estrogen is involved in a minimum of three hundred processes within the female body. So, it only stands to reason, when its levels are running amok with major fluctuations, many of the functions that were operating smoothly for thirty or so years are thrown into hormonal bedlam.

We ladies of a certain age know only too well the disruptions and tolls taken upon our bodies’ abilities to sleep, control temperature, manage moods, and various additional less than fun features of the experience.

So, to my sisters in the midst of this perimenopausal madness, I do want you to take heart. This too shall pass and there will be happier times ahead. Take it from one who’s been there and definitely done that—hormonal peace, emotional equilibrium, old dame confidence, and a renewed zest for living are waiting for you just around the menopausal bend.

I promise you’ll be hotter than ever—just minus the flashes! 

Last week I was fortunate to be able to take part in a teleconference called “The Beauty of Aging.” This really got me thinking—how lucky we are to be mature women at this time in history. As with so many other aspects of society, baby boomers are continuing our contrarian ways and totally transforming the look and feel of growing older.

Despite these sentiments, I do have to admit to my share of sags and folds, puckers and crinkles. Delicately put, things aren’t quite where they used to be. In fact, the mirror is reflecting “bad hair days” with distressing frequency and I’m into maximum coverage like never before. But, denial has its advantages and I’m all for overlooking the obvious.

I do believe that boomer women are entering our fifties and sixties with our youth culture intact and our spirit going strong. We are tapping into our inner resources, our penchant for rebellion, and our old gal spunk. And, yes, the world is beginning to take notice.

I ran across an article that never would have been written ten years ago, “The Five Hottest Female TV Personalities Over 50.” Using the words “hottest” and “over 50” in the same piece, let alone the title, would have caused smirks of derision. Now, it googles near the top of the page.

So, let’s forget aging gracefully and vow to age audaciously. Let’s flaunt our fifty-plus beauty and celebrate our cellulite. As I mentioned in an earlier post, our generation is not known for being populated with shrinking violets. And, in truth, there’s no one edgier or more daring than a postmenopausal woman who refuses to be ignored!

If you’d like to listen to a recording of the teleconference on beauty and aging, you can phone (218) 936-1005. The conference ID is 339529 followed by the # key. It is free.

Most of us remember when the question of the day was, “what’s your bag?” This, of course, was the hip way of asking what someone did. And, it’s still groovy to have a bag; goals to aspire to and a direction to follow. But, when was the last time you reexamined your life’s path?

 Menopause is a huge biomarker in a woman’s life. It creates profound hormonal, physical, and psychological transformation in many areas of our lives. This extensive renewal and rebirth requires sufficient soul searching to be successful.

In her book, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives, Suzanne Braun Levine calls this deliberation phase “the fertile void.” Levine explains that taking the time for self-contemplation, rather than being an act of analysis paralysis, is a critical and indispensable element for aging successfully and with purpose.

 So, take some time to reexamine your bag. Are you living in ways that support what you value? Are you waking up with a sense of excitement and anticipation? Are you making an effort to stretch and grow in new directions?

 If the answers to any of these questions is “no,” it might well be time to take a trip into the fertile void, reassess what you want out of life, and break out of your well-worn bag (the one you’ve been in for years). After all, when you think about it, who among us wants to be referred to as “an old bag!”

When was the last time you were proud of your age? If you’re thinking decades ago, I might suggest you make a slight shift in attitude. As baby boomer women, we are making fifty and better THE age to be!

There are lots of reasons for this. For starters, we represent the first generation whose female population can expect to live at least another thirty years, hopefully productive, after the age of fifty. Secondly, we are the only age group whose numbers are far greater than previous as well as subsequent generations. We do represent a critical mass and, yes, we’ve probably added a couple of pounds over the years so that mass just continues to grow. But, better yet, we remain as gloriously outspoken and willful as we were in our youth. So, no shrinking violets here: we ladies just won’t tolerate being shunted to the margins of society, all too often the matronly destiny of our foremothers.

If there ever was a generation of women over fifty who REFUSE to become invisible it is us! After all, by virtue of our numbers alone, acknowledgement, visibility, and communal clout are a boomer’s birthright.

So, forget fifty being the new thirty. Fifty is the totally new and revolutionary, sexy and saucy, white-hot and smokin’ FIFTY! We lucky ladies can be proud to claim this age as our own—in fact, let’s flaunt it by being the most bodacious, out there, and rockin’ set of grannies the planet has ever known! 

 No this isn’t me but I do admire her spunk and style!  

I had a terrible habit. Too many times in my life I responded to challenges by saying, “Oh, I’d love to do that—but I couldn’t possibly…” Thinking in those terms, I missed out on some pretty great opportunities over the years.

Then, something miraculous happened! I turned fifty and my inner spunk began to rise. My outlook shifted to “why not?” and, even better, to “why not me?” Yes, girlfriends, the life we create for ourselves does all come down to attitude. And, the years past fifty are a women’s greatest time to grab her very own brass ring.

As younger women, we often played supporting roles. We nurtured growing families and put our personal aspirations way down on our list. Now, with the right focus, the motivation to set and achieve goals, and a “can do attitude,” we truly will be unstoppable.

So, a gentle reminder, if you haven’t yet signed up for the free teleseminar I’m presenting with Raven Blair Davis, producer and host of Women Power Talk Radio, I invite you to do so. It’s called “The Seven Steps to Ignite Your Unstoppable Power,” and takes place on Tuesday, February 26^th at 9 p.m. EST.

It’s time to turbo-charge your attitude, open up your options, build upon your dreams, and say, “I can” in the most definite, resounding, and unstoppable of ways!

And, if you haven’t seen this one yet, I’m inviting you to view a woman who’s definitely got her share of unstoppable power. Take a look and feel her passion.

Did you ever want something so badly that you felt you were unstoppable? It is our strongest desires that cause us to tap into our deepest passions and power.

Such times, although they bring great energy and joy, often get lost in the shuffle of daily living. We get sidetracked by a multitude of tasks and obligations, our power drops, our focus gets scattered, and we feel ourselves just going through the motions.

If you’re feeling bored, unhappy, and dissatisfied with your life, you need to stop and take notice. As Rosalind Russell said in the movie, Auntie Mame, “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” And, which one of us would willingly opt to starve at the banquet of life?

There are, thankfully, some practical and realistic steps you can take to turn your life around, boost your energy, renew your focus, and go after what you want. Raven Blair Davis, producer and host of Women Power Talk Radio, and I will be conducting a series of tele-seminars that show you how. Our first, “The Seven Steps to Ignite Your Unstoppable Power,” will be held on Tuesday, February 26^th at 9 p.m. EST.

The seminar is free and I invite each of you to attend. We’ve got some great ideas and tips, and we’ll be giving you a step-by-step action plan. Click here to sign up. If you want to take a look at Women Power Talk Radio and listen to some of the amazing guests that Raven has interviewed, click here.

Women over fifty have reached the age when we can be our most creative, our most productive, our most successful, and assert our own unique and amazing power. Success is waiting for you. So, why not claim your own unstoppable power?